Chapter Text
March 14th
Hi,
it's been a long time, and I'm sorry. i fucked up very badly and i regret doing that every moment of my life. i haven't slept properly since it happened, i lost all my appetite, i lost interest in everything i enjoyed doing before. But i did that because i thought it would help and I'll be more focused on what i want to do with my life, but i was wrong, very wrong. i am sorry for everything I've done to you. you didn't deserve a thing I've done to you. i hope you found somebody that treats you the way you deserve to be treated, i hope you forgot about me and you're living the dream you always talked to me about. i am sorry i couldn't help you reach your life goals. i am sorry for coming up to you that day in a park, telling you how cute you looked, asking for your name, taking you out on our first date. i am sorry for ever making you fall for me, i am sorry for making you believe i will never leave you. you were the best thing that happened to me and i hate myself so much for letting you go, for not giving you all the attention you deserve. it feels like I've been living in hell since i left, but i deserve it, it's my fault, i should have never left you alone at the time we needed each other the most. i am sorry from the bottom of my heart, but you've probably already moved on and found somebody else, which is what you should have done.
is what Taehyung wrote out as a text message to Jeongguk, but then quickly deleted it. he tried to focus on studying for his upcoming finals, but he just couldn't. He was tired, lifeless and very sick of still trying to make his life better. He knows he will never succeed but trying wont hurt, right?
He quickly typed out his best friend's number on his phone, tapping the "call" button. The phone rang for some time, but Taehyung gave up on trying to reach Hoseok and put the phone down. Again trying to focus on the books infront of him. For a moment he felt like he will finally be able to study, but then he heard his phone ring, it was Hoseok.
"yo dude you called, is everything alright?" He heard him ask, but he didn't respond immediately,
"yeah, i was thinking if we could get some coffee or something? if you're free of course." He heard Hoseok's boyfriend, Yoongi laughing on the other side and he was sure Hoseok wont be down for hanging out since he was with Yoongi.
"Yea of course i can, meet me at the coffee shop in 10?" Taehyung agreed and hung up after saying his goodbye.
It was hard for him not to think about Jeongguk all the time and how he messed up the whole relationship just because he thought that would help him and his problems, quickly finding out he just made everything worse.
Jeongguk on the other hand, tried to forget and move on but it felt like nothing could help.
A week after Taehyung left him he met a boy named Jimin, who he thought would be the perfect one to make him forget, but soon he realised all he did was try to imagine like he was still with Taehyung.
It was almost 7pm, Jeongguk was hanging out at Jimins dorm like he always did, pretending to listen to Jimin, who couldn't stop talking about various things. Jeongguk tried to focus on listening, he really did, but all he could think of at the moment, was Taehyung. Is he getting enough sleep? Is he eating well? Is he happy in life?
It was hard pretending he's okay everytime Jimin caught him with teary eyes staring at the ceiling. He wished he could forget, and focus on Jimin only, he didn't deserve to be only used as a band-aid until the scar was healed and then be thrown away, no, he deserved the whole entire world. Jeongguk loved how adorable Jimin was without even trying, he loved how sweet and calming his laugh was, especially when Jeongguk felt burned out more than ever.
Sure, he loved Jimin, but he felt like he could never love anyone as much as he loved Taehyung. Jeongguk was still in a dark hole, waiting for the sun to rise and make him happy and safe.