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It had taken them six years to get back to Earth, and Bellamy was damned if he was going to waste any more time without Octavia.
He'd had nothing but time in space to think about her, wonder how she was growing, whether she was handling the pressure to lead, whether she'd been killed-
No.
He couldn't let himself think about that.
He'd lost so much, he couldn't lose any more.
Their descent back to Earth had been as frustrating as the delays that had caused them the extra 374 days.
Raven had done her best to work out where the problem lied, and Bellamy knew he couldn't blame her for the issues. They were working on rockets with rusty parts over a 100 years old, and they had little to supplement what they had brought with them into space. Monty and Murphy had helped as best they could, and all three had worked round the clock for the past 3 months to get them back.
Bellamy wished he could say it was dedication to those they had left behind, but the truth of the matter was more practical and selfish than that. Their air scrubber had finally given out 5 years and 6 months into their exile. Raven had been able to patch it up, but it had been obvious it wouldn't keep them alive long-term.
The issues affecting their descent had nothing to do with fear and all to do with mechanical parts.
It had all boiled down to one impossible choice - keep trying to repair what they had for as long as possible, or take a gamble and dismantle the air scrubber - giving them only a guaranteed few more months - and hope they could repair their rocket in time.
Another impossible choice, but eventually it had been easy.
The only choice, she would have said.
Not that that mattered now. He couldn't run these decisions by her, couldn't turn to his side to see her waiting, couldn’t ask for advice. There wasn't anything he could do to bring Cl-
No.
He couldn't let himself think about her.
His heartache for the two most important women in his life had manifested in wildly contrasting ways.
With Octavia, he longed to see her again, and he openly theorised about what she was doing and how she was getting on underneath the ground. They talked about her a lot in space, discussing how she’d have reacted to the problems they faced each day. She was still tangible, real. She'd had a chance and he wouldn't believe she was gone until he had proof.
The other heartache was different. The emptiness inside him where he'd kept her was a deep pit, just an empty void that he’d never processed, and if he thought about it too long he would descend into a black mood which it was hard to climb out of. He couldn't fathom returning to Earth without her, but he knew he'd have to face it eventually.
He never talked of her.
He was sure the others did - he had heard whispers and walked in on the end of conversations which he knew had been about her, or at least feature her.
Murphy had said her name once, 6 months in. They'd been sitting together one evening (or, what they had designated as evening), trying to pretend they weren’t stuck in space by means of a bottle of moonshine, and it had caught them all off-guard. They had all frozen, smiles and laughter sliding off their faces. Bellamy had felt his muscles tighten so hard and so quickly, he thought he'd pulled something. The room had gone deathly silent and the others had watched him warily.
After an agonising beat, he had stood up from the table abruptly and left without a word.
They'd never said her name around him since.
He hadn't ever entertained the idea that she would still be alive, had never even thought it at the darkest hours of the night or in his saddest moments.
So after six years in space, they had descended back to Earth in fire and fear, like always, and he had focused his thoughts on the living, on Octavia.
The only shining moment of joy had come when they had broken through the atmosphere and been greeted by the sight of a huge patch of greenery, directly in their landing path.
There had been no noise or sign of animal life when they'd climbed their way out of the rocket, but that hadn't deterred them.
"We stick to the plan," they'd told each other, over and over again.
Get to the bunker, meet up with the others, survive.
Raven had cut her head on landing, but it wasn't deep and she'd only been rewarded with a nasty headache; Harper and Emori had broken a few fingers each; Bellamy had a worryingly jagged gash in his upper arm, but he’d tied it off with part of his t-shirt which had stopped the bleeding, so all in all they had counted themselves particularly lucky.
He had just hoped their luck would last.
The trek to the bunker hadn't been a long one, and they had had to stop overnight in a wide cave to escape the cold temperature and the lashing rain.
It had been early morning when they'd reached what was left of polis, on the edge of the green patch. The air was misty but there had been no mistaking the bunker - half the tower had collapsed on top of it, but a lot of the rubble had been dislodged in the inclement weather.
In hindsight, it should have been suspicious that they made it to the bunker door with minimal clambering or struggle.
It wasn't that Bellamy had been certain he'd see Octavia again, but he hadn't been expecting her to open the airlock door less than 20 minutes after their arrival.
She'd been flanked by eight warriors - there was no other name for them - all holding guns pointed at the new arrivals. He’d noticed immediately that her guard were made up from a variety of clans.
Marcus Kane stood second from her left, the only one without a gun, and his face broke out into such a wide grin that Bellamy's eyes were drawn to him even before they landed on Octavia.
His sister didn't exactly look different than he remembered, but she was older, much more sure of herself, and the markings on her face suited her like a signature look.
Despite her fierce look, she wasted no time in throwing herself into his arms.
"Welcome home, big brother," she half sobbed into his ear.
He hugged her back tightly, watching the others. Kane was dumbfounded, exchanging hugs and rushed words with Raven and Monty.
Bellamy didn't let go of his sister until he absolutely had to.
"I can't tell you how good it is to see you, O," he finally found his voice, the words coming out half in relief and half in astonishment.
"You can't get rid of me that easily, Bell," she smiled, turning towards the bunked to usher them inside. “Come on, everyone is going to be so surprised to see you.”
The airlock hissed behind them as they began walking. Bellamy tried his best to not think of it as a bad omen.
He also tried his best not to think of the last time he’d climbed those airlock stairs and the promise he’d made Abby Griffin.
The bunker was vastly changed from his short time here - the walls were decorated, the people were energised, and he even heard the sound of children laughing from a far off tunnel.
"O," he breathed in astonishment as they walked. "This is incredible."
She eyed him through the side of her lashes as they walked side-by-side down a wide central corridor. "I had some help,” she said modestly, but her lips tilted into a proud smirk.
They were led a little further down the corridor towards a faint din, took a sharp left and ended up in a cavernous open space that was now being used as a dining room.
Bellamy - and Raven, too, if her face was anything to go by - hadn’t been expecting to be walked straight into the middle of the main communal area, so the shock was absolute.
After that, it was a bit of a blur - shouts and excited shrieks echoed across the room, and then they were being hugged by Miller, Bryan, and pretty much every other familiar face they thought they'd never see again.
"Where the HELL have you been?" someone was asking, but Bellamy was so engulfed by hands and hair that he couldn't work out who.
To his left, Echo was overjoyed as she was embraced by two members of her old clan.
Suddenly, the crowd of excited people parted and Kane was by his side again. Miller was staring at him in ecstatic awe whilst Kane and Octavia were talking to him, although to Bellamy it felt like white noise as he struggled to catch up to his reality.
They were alive. They were all alive.
"--and get Dr. Griffin," Octavia was ordering the warrior to her left. "She's going to--"
"Abby?" Bellamy's voice was small, but his words cut sharply across the din.
He exchanged a weary look with Raven across the space.
For Kane and Octavia, it was a reunion of excitement and joy, but for Abby it meant hearing that her daughter was dead.
For Bellamy, it would be a confrontation of all the emotions he'd been avoiding over the last 6 years.
"I have to tell her—"
"Not now, Bell," Octavia interrupted him in what he presumed was her commander voice. He arched one eyebrow at her in his trademark older brother admonishment, and she sighed, frustrated at herself. “Sorry, old habits. I just meant that there will be time for all that later. First thing’s first… you need to get that arm checked out.”
“O, I have to—“
“Shh, big brother,” she smirked, taking him by the good arm and leading them all across the space and away from the bustle and noise.
They made their way to a familiar room - Bellamy remembered waking up here after the conclave. The furniture was older, the desk bare and the chair more elaborate, but otherwise it looked much the same.
Abby Griffin was already there with her med kit, and Bellamy’s throat tightened.
He felt his heart rate increase rapidly, his breath come short, and just needed a minute to process this all before—
He didn’t think he could open his mouth and say the words he needed to say, to tell her that her daughter had been brave and selfless to the very end, that she had given up her future for them, that he missed her—
“Abby!” Raven all but vaulted past him and into the older woman’s arms.
“Raven,” Abby clutched her tightly in one hand and stroked her hair back from her face with the other. “I never thought I’d see you again.”
“You know me, doc,” Raven grinned, untangling herself from Abby and helping herself to the armchair in the corner of the room. “Nothing can keep me down for long.”
Abby smiled widely, joyfully, and it made Bellamy’s heart ache more for the pain he knew he would bring her.
Octavia took her place on the throne behind the desk, Kane and Indra by her side, whilst Monty, Harper and Echo stood awkwardly side-by-side on the other side of the room. Abby looked up then, catching sight of Murphy and Emori.
“John Murphy,” Abby sighed, a smile tugging at her lips as she held her hands out. “I’m glad to see you.”
He tried to play it cool, Bellamy supposed, but he was hugging the medic back in a matter of seconds.
The room descended into quiet as they all glanced around at each other, unsure where to begin or what to say first.
And then it occurred to Bellamy - why wasn’t Abby Griffin the first person on the other side of that airlock? The first person to run to her loved ones? Why hadn’t—
Just as he was wondering all this, the woman in question opened her mouth and said the two words he’d been agonising over.
“Where’s Clarke?” She asked excitedly. “She’s going to be so thrilled everyone’s back together again.”
So she didn’t know.
He had to tell her after all.
He felt that all eyes were on him, he had to say something. Anything.
How could he?
Where did he begin?
He couldn’t even think her name, let alone say it aloud.
And then, just as he looked up to respond to Abby’s question, his earlier train of thought returned and something clicked into place.
She was happy to see them, unburdened and not anxious.
And she was directing her words at Octavia and Kane, not him.
“Scavenging,” Kane replied, and Bellamy’s eyes darted rapidly between him, Abby, and Raven, the latter of whom sat bolt upright. “She’s scheduled to make a drop tomorrow afternoon, but I can get Sector Five to see if she can come in early.”
“She—“
Bellamy was surprised by his own voice. It was quiet and breathy, but it drew the attention of every single person in the room.
He heard the overwhelming emotion in it, just as they all did. In any other situation, he supposed he’d even be embarrassed.
This time, he was too shocked to regulate his emotions.
He looked to Raven for help.
She knew what he needed.
“Wait,” She motioned abruptly with her hands. “Wait, hold on, go back… Clarke? As in… Clarke Griffin?… She’s alive?”
“And she’s here? In the bunker?” Harper piped up. “You’ve seen her?”
“She comes by once a month or so. Mostly she stays on the ground as our eyes and ears while we adjust to the radiation levels.”
“She…” Raven’s brain, for once, was having trouble processing. “She’s alive.”
And then, her eyes snapped up to Bellamy, and from across the room, she said, “Bellamy, she's alive.”
All of a sudden, ten pairs of eyes were staring at him, and Bellamy was overwhelmed.
His brain wouldn’t let him believe it. He was hearing their words, but his heart was lost a long time ago, and he couldn’t bring himself to feel it.
“Clarke’s alive!” Monty repeated to Harper, telling her or asking her, nobody knew.
“She made it.”
“We can see her again—“
“When?” Bellamy interrupted. The excited babble stopped. He swallowed hard, and when he next spoke he gave nothing away. “When can we see her?”
Kane pulled something up on the screen behind the desk that only he, Indra and Octavia could see. “Hmm, she’s in Trishanakru district right now so she’s not scheduled back for a bit longer, but if she was to turn around right now, she could be here by daybreak tomorrow.”
“Call her,” Abby declared firmly, and she looked at Bellamy, smiling softly, when she next spoke. “She’ll turn around.”
Kane looked to Octavia for confirmation, and then strode out of the room, presumably to relay the message. Quiet, excited conversation started back up as Abby began checking Raven’s head wound and making splints for the broken fingers, but Bellamy, leaning heavily against the desk, could only blink and try to make sense of what had just happened.
It was Murphy who stepped over to Bellamy and clasped a hand on his shoulder. “Hard to believe, right?” He spoke low. “That she survived all this time.”
He nodded, blinked, then nodded some more.
“It ok to be nervous, y’know,” Murphy grinned, and it quickly turned into a smirk. “She’s probably been pining after you too.”
Bellamy didn’t dignify that with a response, but it did bring a begrudging smile to his lips.
For the next 12 hours, he paced.
Well, he slept for four, and Octavia took him on an unnecessarily long tour of the expansive tunnels, but mostly he paced.
Eventually, Raven and Harper came to get him from Octavia’s office, and they distracted him by card games and catch up stories with Miller and Bryan in the dining room.
It was surreal seeing such familiar strangers in the crowds of people.
He saw a little girl whose life he’d saved six years ago, and she relayed to him all the things she’d been learning at school.
He made small talk with a boy about his age who he used to go on patrols with in Arkadia. The boy had just had his first child, so he spent the best part of an hour swapping stories of caring for Octavia.
He had some food, although it didn’t do much to settle his stomach.
Kane had been in frequent communication with Clarke and her team, but Bellamy wasn’t sure what exactly she knew or how long she would be.
She’d been out looking for supplies, but she certainly hadn’t been on her own - not only would Abby have never allowed it, but he’d heard Kane talking over the radio with a man with a deep voice.
In the second hour, he’d considered just asking Kane to pass the radio over so he could hear her voice again, but part of him didn’t believe it. And he didn’t know what he’d say. He thought another five hours might help him figure it out, but by the time they heard the siren signalling the opening of the airlock on the other side of the tunnel network, he had nothing planned.
They had been laughing over a story Bryan was telling, he’d started to relax a little even, but the siren stopped them all in their tracks.
It was a reunion they all had never thought would come, and the anxiety filled the air.
Bellamy stood up, pretending to be tidying his plates and cups, but really he needed an outlet for his nervous energy before he exploded.
Footsteps grew louder, voices rising, and then suddenly the low tone of systematic conversation echoing down the central corridor became a shocked exclamation, and the footsteps were moving fast, running.
He turned to the open entranceway just as she appeared, as ever in sync with one another.
For a moment, she was shrouded by the fluorescent lighting, and her hair was like a halo. She was an angel, or a ghost.
And then she was scanning the dining room, head moving fast, real and tangible and there.
Further boots trundled up behind her, catching up to the girl in a rush, and the noise drew a lot of attention from the rest of the dining room.
Almost the entire front half of the hall had stopped to see was happening.
Bellamy was fairly close to the door, but you still had to pass round the area reserved for dancing to the piano and cross the wide expanse of space in the entranceway.
“Oh my god,” Monty muttered from beside Bellamy. “It’s really Clarke.”
He couldn’t respond, eyes locked only on her, on the understanding that it was really her. She was here, alive, happy.
Clarke had skimmed her gaze across them all, but it had been drawn to their side of the room at Monty’s words and landed firmly on Bellamy.
He stared back, and he felt like someone was finally - finally - seeing him again.
She opened her mouth to speak, but only a breath of relieved air and his name, like a prayer, escaped around a timid, elated, shocked laugh.
“Bellamy.”
He swallowed hard and tried to move an arm or a leg, but found himself wholly frozen.
And then he found his voice.
“Clarke—”
His voice broke on the end of her name, but it didn’t matter.
She was already running.
He wished he had met her half way, but really all he could do was stand frozen to the spot, overwhelmed and confused and overjoyed.
She threw herself into him, her arms encircling his neck and her face buried in his shoulder.
She was solid and soft and warm, and very much alive.
He pulled his arms up and around her back, holding on tightly.
One arm came up to clasp at the hair on the back of her head as he buried his nose further into it.
“I told you to hurry,” he finally admonished into her hair in a small voice, almost like a whisper.
She let out a noise that was half a surprised sob, half a bark of laughter.
“I know,” she whispered into his neck, “I really tried.”
He couldn’t help but smile sadly at that, tightening his hold on her.
He took another calming breath, breathing her in and holding her tightly, his eyes fluttering closed.
And then the others were there, crowding round, calling Clarke’s name, laughing and crying with overwhelming joy.
They pulled apart and he watched as the rest of Spacekru embraced her - it was calming, cathartic, peaceful even, to watch them reconcile something that had been left unfinished all those years ago.
“I cant believe it—“
“Your hair!”
“How are you here?”
“What happened?”
She was engulfed by them all, but she laughed, tears stinging in her eyes, and the sound was breathtaking.
Now he was finally home.