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Loathe as he’d be to admit it when they were still enemies, Ryuunosuke had always known that Atsushi was strikingly beautiful.
He’d known as soon as he saw the silver hair and eyes the color of a sunset. He’d loathed them for the longest time and hated the person those lovely features were attached to, but not even Ryuunosuke could deny it. They were only emphasized by Atsushi’s remarkable kindness and strength, something that Ryuunosuke found out over time, when he was allowed to be given that kindness and care. He knew that he couldn’t take that for granted ever again— because Ryuunosuke knew that he wasn’t the only one to notice just how.. beautiful Atsushi was.
The cafe the ADA frequented at the bottom to the building their office was in had also become a regular meeting place for the both of them, and even Gin came by to visit on occasion. Only Kunikida and Atsushi were aware of her identity, discounting Dazai of course, and she enjoyed taking time off of work to spend with her brother and Atsushi. As a result, Ryuunosuke came to know of the foreign red-haired girl that worked there.
Standing outside of the cafe while waiting for Atsushi, he realized that she was a former Guild member. Ryuunosuke had seized up and Rashomon roared in his ears, ready to strike out. He was stopped only by Atsushi’s hand grasping him by the elbow.
“Ryuu, it’s fine. Lucy’s not a threat,” he’d murmured, “She’s not going to hurt me or anyone else.”
Ryuunosuke let it be in regards to Atsushi’s safety from then on, though he was still wary. His concerns were dissuaded when Gin assured him that Lucy wasn’t a threat to Atsushi at all. She’d even teased him that it was cute that he’d become so concerned for Atsushi’s safety, in comparison to their former relationship.
The tip of his ears turning pink, Ryuunosuke muttered at his sister to be quiet and hid his face behind his book.
Atsushi’s safety in the presence of a former enemy was confirmed.
But over time, Ryuunosuke became aware of something else that became just as if not more pressing and worrisome than Atsushi’s safety.
The red-haired woman— Lucy M. Montgomery — would look at Atsushi with a glint in her eyes and a turn to her mouth that came with a healthy flush to her cheeks, radiating subtle joy and happiness when around the Man Tiger. She’d clutch her tray close to her chest and wait anxiously whenever she had him try a new drink that she’d made. When Atsushi beamed at her, smiling that smile that almost rivaled the sun on a clear day, she’d blush, almost as red as her hair.
Atsushi never seemed to notice.
But Ryuunosuke did.
He saw how her eyes would follow after the Man Tiger and his stomach would clench tightly, and his chest would constrict with something so tight and unpleasant it choked him.
Atsushi’s happy smile wavered when he saw the odd expression on Ryuunosuke’s face. “..Is there something wrong..?”
Clearing his throat behind his hand, Ryuunosuke closed his eyes and shook his head. “No. Nothing is wrong. Let’s go.”
It was rare that they got to go out on proper dates as normal couples would do and Ryuunosuke wouldn’t waste what little time they had. Tonight, it would just be them; no mafias, and no detective agencies. Just them, together.
Atsushi gave Ryuunosuke a dubious look before murmuring, ‘okay.’ After a beat, Atsushi reached out for Ryuunosuke’s hand, shyly linking his fingers with Ryuunosuke’s gloved ones. As always, the touch sent a bolt of warmth through Ryuunosuke and with an entwining of their fingers, Ryuunosuke left the block the cafe and the agency lived on. And Ryuunosuke tried to forget.
He tried to forget how Montgomery smiled so warmly at Atsushi and how he talked with her so easily, sitting with a former enemies as if they’d never clashed swords with each other, surrounded by other members of the agency. How free they looked, that they could talk to each other out in the open without suspicion or questioning about Montgomery’s motives towards Atsushi— about whether or not she’d hurt him.
An ugly, ugly voice that sounded far too much like his former mentor— or perhaps his aunt, the sister-in-law of his mother who hated his face— whispered in the back of his mind;
Perhaps she is better for him.
Maybe she did not hurt him as you have, and he will realize that one day.
Perhaps he will leave you one day.
He’ll leave you.
Just like everyone else has.
Atsushi was unimaginably warm, and with how easily cold Ryuunosuke could get, he craved Atsushi’s warmth whenever he could have it. On nights where Atsushi could get away, they would hole up in Ryuunosuke’s apartment and lay on his bed in the dark. They wouldn’t do anything (not yet, not yet, they were both too shy, but that didn’t stop the mutual hunger from growing—), but Ryuunosuke would hug him from behind and Atsushi would curl up against his thin chest, and they would close their eyes and lay in silence. Many times they would fall asleep to the sound of the Yokohama nightlife.
Tonight, rest came uneasily to Ryuunosuke. All he could do was stare at the back of Atsushi’s head and admire his hair in the slivers of moonlight he let pass through the window. He smelled faintly of green tea and mint.
For all Ryuunosuke knew, Atsushi fell asleep before him. His breathing was even and calm and he didn’t stir. Arms tightening their hold, Ryuunosuke pressed his lips to the nape of Atsushi’s neck, bringing him in even closer.
His hands trembled against Atsushi’s abdomen.
Don’t leave me—
“…Ryuu.”
Ryuunosuke’s shoulders tensed.
Slowly, Atsushi turned around in his hold, now facing him. His eyes seemed to faintly glow in the darkness. Lips pursed, his brow was knit in sleepy concern.
“Are you okay?”
Ryuunosuke stared at Atsushi, wordless, and then closed his eyes. “I’m fine.”
Atsushi’s frown deepened and he shifted closer. He raised a hand and his fingers curled into the front of Ryuunosuke’s shirt.
“Are you really?”
Ryuunosuke didn’t answer.
“..Is it about Lucy?”
The dark haired man went rigid and Atsushi frowned. His hand raised to gently curl his fingers against Ryuunosuke’s collarbone. When the other man opened his eyes, Ryuunosuke kept them averted. A scowl had formed on his lips. Sighing softly, Atsushi rubbed his thumb against the line of Ryuunosuke’s jaw.
He’d noticed. Of course he had. How could he not?
Ryuunosuke’s emotions were often difficult to read without subtle cues from body language, but when he was upset..
Maybe not anyone else would’ve cared to have noticed. But Atsushi knew Ryuunosuke, and knew when he was upset or angry.
Ryuunosuke kept glaring at the sheets and pillows, his face twisted into a dark scowl (at Lucy? At himself? Not even he was sure,) until Atsushi’s gentle hands cupped his face.
His stare fell onto Atsushi, the other man’s hair falling into his eyes, eyes that still glimmered in the dark, and the resolute expression on his face— firm, unyielding, but carrying such warmth..
Warmth that Ryuunosuke didn’t think he deserved, but was far too selfish to let go of.
“Ryuunosuke…” Atsushi whispered.
Thumbs stroked Ryuunosuke’s cheeks, and then, Atsushi offered him a small, warm smile.
“I’m not going anywhere.”
I’m staying.
A sharp noise hitching in the back of his throat, Ryuunosuke allowed himself the sliver of hope, a desperate hope, that Atsushi spoke the truth as he lifted a hand to cover the back of Atsushi’s. When the other man leaned in to press a soft kiss to his mouth in the dark, Ryuunosuke could only return the same, that hand going into the soft strands of Atsushi’s hair. Throughout the night, Ryuunosuek clung to Atsushi without words, breathing against him, mouthing words he couldn’t say aloud— not yet.
I’m staying with you.
Nakajima Atsushi was nothing if not honest to a fault, and now— Ryuunosuke believed that promise to be true as much as he was able.
Wrapping his arms tight around Atsushi’s waist, Ryuunosuke buried his face in the crook of Atsushi’s neck, breathing in his scent and feeling his breath against his ear. Atsushi ran his fingers through dark hair tipped with white and murmured nonsense against Ryuunosuke’s brow, kissing his skin so sweetly, so shyly, every now and then.
“I’m right here, Ryuu. I’m right here.”
Atsushi had become too precious to him, in such a short amount of time that it unsettled Ryuunosuke— but it did not scare Ryuunosuke enough to make him run away. Atsushi was precious to him, now, and he wouldn’t let that go.
He couldn’t.
And just as Atsushi had promised… Ryuunosuke would stay with him, too. There was no one else whose side Ryuunosuke yearned to be by.