Work Text:
Harukawa entered the run-down apartment, exclaiming a quick “I’m home”. She received no response, but paid it no mind. Saihara was probably in a pitiful position, clutching something that belonged to Akamatsu in his room, and Yumeno was most likely asleep, as she was the majority of the time.
In a way, Harukawa envied Yumeno for that; the fact she wasn’t plagued by recurring nightmares of the events that had come to pass during their time on Danganronpa. Harukawa had found herself unable to sleep until she got thoroughly exhausted, but not only because of the killing game they had survived. After their escape, she had come to the realization that they had replaced her potentially happy memories with memories of abuse and neglect. She could never get that fact out of her head; what had her real life been like? Had she fallen in love with someone before she met Momota? Had she had a good relationship with her parents, who were most likely alive?
The questions swirled around in her mind every waking moment, keeping her out of slumber. And if that wasn’t enough, she still thought of Momota everyday, maybe even every hour. The moment of his death still haunted her, the vision of his lifeless body falling out of the strange spaceship Monokuma - or Shirogane - had created solely for his execution. With that memory also came the recollection of the events that had led to that moment; her own impulsive stupidity causing the death of the very one she wanted to get out alive. Even knowing he’d have succumbed to the illness regardless of the events, she couldn’t help but blame herself. Her idiocy had caused Momota to be forced to kill; something he might have agreed to partially because she’d have been the blackened otherwise. Momota should have never been forced to kill. He was supposed to be the good guy, the force of positivity.
With a heavy sigh, she continued into the apartment and entered the kitchen. Perhaps she’d be able to find some comfort in food, considering just how famished she felt after her day of work. Regular work, of course. She had vowed to never attempt to take a life again; she was no longer forced to, after all. Or rather, she had never been forced to. Those were just false memories implanted into her brain to make her ‘an interesting character’. She opened the fridge, only to find nothing in there, save for some expired eggs. She’d have to go grocery shopping tomorrow, even if she really didn’t want to spend her free time on something like that. Saihara and Yumeno didn’t leave her much of a choice, really. They hardly ever stepped outside of the apartment, let alone went somewhere where they’d have to speak to another human being.
Harukawa stepped away from the fridge and stopped for a moment. She was tired, but fairly sure falling asleep would be prohibited by the thoughts currently swirling through her head. She could watch some television, but the channels they had access to wouldn’t do a very adequate job of distracting her busy mind. Her gaze falls upon the balcony door, and she decides to take a moment to look at the night sky. Naturally, regret came washing over her the instant she did. Who, in their right mind, would look at the night sky in order to forget a boy that wanted to be an astronaut more than anything else in the world? Her hand reached out to the door and touched the cold glass. She remained in that position for a few minutes before quietly whispering to herself, “I miss you, Kaito…”.
It’s then that she decided to try facing the feelings rather than running away from them, as she always had. She temporarily retreats from the balcony door in order to enter her small room, in order to finally open the box of things Team Danganronpa sent her after the gruesome game; up until now, she had felt too afraid to open them. Careful not to damage any of the contents, she ripped the tape off of the carton and took a peek inside. All she found were four of Momota’s jackets; the purple ones, with the galaxy print on the inside. A memory of the hydraulic press surfaced in her mind, but she managed to push it back down. She methodically lifts one of the four jackets out of the box, drapes it over her shoulders and steps out of her room, ready for a night of stargazing while wrapped in Momota’s old clothes.
The balcony is tiny but fits a single, worn down chair. As soon as she sat down, she noticed the imbalance of the seat. Annoyed with the state of the apartment, she took off her hair ties and placed them under the slightly broken chair leg. Finally somewhat comfortable, she leaned back and pointed her gaze towards the stars. Tears formed in the corners of her eyes as she pulled the purple jacket off of her shoulders and clutched it to her chest instead.
“I wish…you were here with us. You would’ve kept us together. Even though, back then, we faced our uncertain future with a brave smile…in the end, we just broke apart. One by one. I’m sure it won’t be long until I do. I can’t keep doing all the work myself, but Shuuichi and Himiko just won’t budge. They hardly eat, they never even talk anymore. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”
After releasing all the problems plaguing her mind to the nightsky, she could no longer hold back. Tears came rolling down her cheeks, only to be absorbed by the purple fabric as she buried her face in it. If only she had his chest to bury her face into.
“Kiibo sacrificed himself to let the three of us live...and this is how we repay him. None of us fit into the real society at all. People either look at us with scorn or idolize us for something we never wanted to be a part of. I wish he’d just have taken us with him. That was the plan, anyway! I bet the audience still had a grasp on Kiibo, and made him save us. Just to put us through the torture of...this.”
She looked back up into the night sky, about to exclaim more of her hidden away feelings out loud, when the balcony door made a sound. Her head quickly turned to the source of the noise, and she found Saihara standing in the door opening.
“A-ah…Am I disturbing you? I’ll leave, if you want.”
She notes how uncomfortable he looks. Did he hear her? She puts on as normal of a face as possible and stands up. “... No, it’s fine. I was just about to go inside, anyway. Sit down.”
“Are you sure…? I mean-”
“I said it’s fine. I’m going to bed, good night.”
She went back inside the apartment, still clutching the jacket to her chest. She casts one more glance at the balcony, only to see Saihara sit down on the chair. The chair that was still balancing on her hair ties. She’d have to get those back tomorrow. For now, she retreated into her room and locked the door, only to slide down it. She brought her knees to her chest and hugged them, softly sobbing into her arms. This hadn’t changed a thing.