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“You’re nervous.”
“No, I’m not nervous.”
“Yes you are. You’ve been jumping at everything like a jack rabbit the entire day. You were more nervous than me on the shuttle.”
Jim grimaces. Obviously he failed to hide his anxiousness after all.
“What are you worried about?” Leonard asks, eyebrows scrunching together, and Jim finds himself distracted for a moment.
“Nothing. I probably just had too much coffee.” It’s a lame excuse and he knows it.
Leonard simply looks at him and he sighs. “Joanna.”
“Joanna? You’re nervous about Joanna? Jim, you’re great with kids. Why would she be any different?”
“She’s –“ Jim gestures helplessly, scrambling for the words. “-yours.”
Leonard looks even more confused now. “I sure hope so.”
“No. I mean, she’s your kid. What if she doesn’t like me?”
“Of course she’ll like you. She’s a McCoy. She takes after her father.” Leonard smiles at Jim fondly as they pull up to Jocelyn’s house. The large wooden door opens and Jocelyn comes out, her expression carefully neutral. Joanna bounds after her, brown hair flying in all directions as she races to Leonard.
“Daddy!” She squeals and launches herself at him. He snatches her carefully from the air and spins her around. Jim puts down his bag and shakes hands with Jocelyn, introducing himself. Leonard and Jocelyn had settled their resentment and anger enough to be able to communicate civilly by now. Jim is glad. He’d hated seeing Leonard’s broken expression after one of Jocelyn’s scathing calls.
Leonard puts Joanna down and beams at her. Jim startled – in the years he’s known Leonard, he can count one hand the amount of times he’s seen Leonard smile so genuinely.
“JoJo, this is Jim. Jim, this is Joanna.” Leonard says. Jim drops to a crouch and holds out his hand for her to shake.
“Good afternoon, Miss Joanna. Your daddy has told me a lot about you.”
Joanna giggles and wraps her small hand around Jim’s. “Hallo.” She says, giving him a wide tooth-gapped smile.
Jocelyn nods to Leonard. “I’ll pick her up on Sunday evening.” She tells him.
“Alright. JoJo, say goodbye to your mother.”
Joanna moves like a whirlwind to Jocelyn and wraps her arms around her. Jocelyn returns the hug with a fond smile. Jim looks up at Leonard, who is staring at the pair wistfully.
Jocelyn gently unwraps Joanna’s arms and directs her to her father. “Have fun, sweetie!”
Joanna jumps into the back of the car and waves to her mother as Jim starts the engine. Leonard clambers into the back with his daughter and listens carefully as she updates him on her school days.
“…….mommy got me a kitten, and I called him Venus, like the planet! Remember daddy, you took a photo for me when you went by it in your ship! One day I’m going into space like you, daddy, and I’ll be a doctor too and fix people’s hurts…..”
Joanna’s voice babbles on. Jim finds himself smiling fondly as he hears father and daughter talk. Leonard sounds happier than Jim has ever heard him, and Jim finds himself glad that Leonard trusts him enough to let him into that other part of his life, the part that he so carefully keeps separate from his Starfleet career.
They arrive at Leonard’s small Georgian house two hours later. It’s situated on a small block of land, enough for a horse or two and an orchard. The house is a blend of old and new – solar panels reflect on the roof, and gorgeous old wood lines the walls and floor. The door is large and welcoming. The house’s colours are warm and Jim finds himself reminded of Leonard.
Leonard lets them in and Joanna bounds past them with her little bag. He has already stocked the house up with food and made it comfortable for the three of them, and so unpacking does not take long. Joanna is in the living room with a wide array of toys already when Jim comes out of his room.
She has set up a little tea party on the coffee table. There’s a stuffed tyrannosaurus rex, leopard, and a creature Jim vaguely recognizes from one of the worlds they visited for shore leave carefully placed around the table. Right next to Joanna is a large, ragged teddy bear. It reminds Jim oddly of Leonard. Perhaps it was the slight scowl. No, he decided, the bear exuded a comforting, stabilizing air much like Leonard did.
Joanna grins up at him.
“Hello, Joanna. What’s this bear’s name?” He asks, sitting carefully next to her. His knees knock the coffee table.
Joanna blushes red. “Luke.” She tells him shyly.
“That’s a good name. How old is Luke?”
“Two. He’s going to be a doctor, like me.”
Jim reaches out to shake the bear’s paw. “It’s nice to meet you, Luke. My name’s Jim. I’m sure you’ll both make fine doctors.”
Leonard comes into the living room with a plateful of sandwiches and pauses. Jim is seated next to Joanna, shaking her teddy bear’s paw as her eyes shine. Jim grins happily and Leonard feels a pang in his heart. He wishes he could make Jim smile like that.
Loathe to interrupt, he watches them talk for a little longer. He can see a family in the three of them, but Jim’s heart belongs in the stars and Joanna would forever be divided between Leonard and Jocelyn. Anyway, it had long been established that family was not Leonard’s forte.
He brings in the sandwiches and sits on the ground between Joanna and Jim. The sandwiches are cut into little pieces for easy eating and because Joanna insisted that Luke the teddy bear needs them like that. Leonard is happy to oblige. He would build her a castle if she wanted.
Joanna takes a sandwich and then proceeds to ‘feed’ Luke. Jim and Leonard both smile despite the crumbs rolling down the bear’s fur.
“Daddy, can you please pass me the tea?” Joanna asks, and Leonard carefully reaches across Leah the Leopard’s head to retrieve the tea. It’s really chocolate milk. Joanna looks at Jim expectantly.
“Would you like some tea?”
“Yes please.” He says. Leonard’s suddenly very thankful he’s not allergic to chocolate milk when he sees Joanna’s beaming smile.
She pours the ‘tea’ carefully into Jim’s tea cup and then into Leonard’s.
“Thank you, princess.” He tells her. She pours her own and then studies the scene before her critically. Both Jim and Leonard are sitting with legs awkwardly folded next to her stuffed toys, holding miniscule cups. Jim’s knee is almost hitting his chin. Joanna jumps up all of a sudden, all most overturning the coffee table.
“I know what you need!” She exclaims and rushes into her room. There’s a faint crash and Leonard begins to stand, alarmed, but she runs out holding two silver objects perfectly fine. Leonard settles back down, relieved.
“This is a tea party for princesses.” She declares. “So I must make you princesses.”
Jim smiles at Leonard and dips his head so she can put on the silver crown. Her face is completely serious as she places it on his head. “Princess Jim.” She says, as if sealing a vow. Jim resists the urge to nod in case it sends the small crown flying.
Joanna moves to her father and studies him for a moment, chewing her lip. Leonard is trying hard not to look amused. “What’s the matter, Jojo?”
“Your head’s too big.” She says matter-a-factly, and Jim laughs.
“I’m sure it will stay on sweetheart.”
Joanna nods and Leonard bends down so she can put it on. “Princess daddy.” She announces, and then returns to her previous seat. She stares at them for a moment and the nods, satisfied.
The rest of the tea party goes smoothly with guest appearances by Gilbert the dinosaur, Kayla the lion, and Brayden the kiwi. Jim manages not to accidently break the tea cup by gripping it too hard. Joanna beams happily the entire time, and Jim can see the adoration Leonard has for his daughter as he beams back. He wonders if he’ll ever have children and feel that way.
No, space is too dangerous for kids, and there is little chance of him staying on earth. He thinks, swishing the ‘tea’ in the cup.
They go outside to see the orchard next. Leonard double checks Jim has his epipen, as he’s allergic to bees, before allowing him anywhere near the trees. Jim suspects Leonard has a spare one hidden away anyway.
They pluck a few peaches off the tree and eat them out in the sunshine. The juice from the fruits is sticky and the heart soon becomes too much, so they head back inside after half an hour. Leonard sticks his head in the bathroom as Jim washes his hands.
“I told you she’d like you.” He says.
Jim turns around and flicks water at Leonard.
“You’re an infant, Jim, a complete child.” He scowls as he wipes the droplets from his face, but there’s a hint of smile tugging at the edges of his mouth. Joanna bounces in and tugs on her father’s sleeve.
“Can we watch a movie, daddy?”
“Of course darlin’, right after dinner.” Jim finishes drying his hands and sets about setiing out dinner. It’s a simple meal, but good, and soon afterwards Jim is making a nest on the large couch while Joanna climbs into her pajamas. The movie is ancient, several hundred years old, but Joanna insists on watching it. She has a fascination for dinosaurs.
There are a few scary bits, and if a tiny pair of hands makes their way to wrap around Jim and Leonard’s hands, no one says anything. By the end of the movie Joanna is fast asleep.
Leonard turns the movie off and carefully picks his daughter up. Her head lolls against his shoulder, mouth half open.
“Can you get her teddy?” Leonard whispers to Jim. He lifts the bear up carefully and carries it to Joanna’s room, where Leonard is already tucking her into bed. Jim places it next to Joanna and stands back.
“Good night Jojo.” Leonard whispers.
The next morning is hectic. Leonard’s neighbour owns a pony called Ranger and is more than happy to let Joanna ride him. Leonard, while rarely there, has made quite a positive impression on his neighbours.
Who also recognize Jim.
The pony’s owner does a double take when she sees him. She shakes his hand enthusiastically while introducing herself, “Haylee Joyce, my son was at the Academy when you saved earth.”
Jim nods and smiles and tells her that saving earth was a team effort from many people. She thanks him anyway.
After the pony ride they take Joanna swimming, then tree-climbing (an activity that gives Leonard the beginning of a panic attack), and finally another tea party. Leonard is making dinner when Jim and Joanna settle at the table again. Luke the teddy bear sits between them.
“Are you and daddy together?” Joanna asks, and Jim almost spits out his chocolate milk.
“What?”
“Are you and my daddy boyfriends?” Joanna asks more impatiently, as if disappointed he didn’t get it.
“No, we are just friends.” Jim tells her, heart snapping at him. Her eyebrows scrunch together in a way that reminds Jim of Leonard when he’s trying to solve a medical problem.
“Oh.” She definitely sounds disappointed.
Jim smiles, albeitly a bit sadly. He wishes for more sometimes, but Leonard’s never shown any interest in him and he doubts he would want him anyway. Jim’s not exactly the best at relationships.
“I think you should be.” Joanna announces. Jim blinks in surprise.
“Why?”
“Because you make daddy happy. He never smiled when mommy was around.” She says, looking at him with earnest eyes. “Mommy said when two people make each other happy in a way no one else does, then they’re together.”
“Oh.” Jim twists his fingers together. “Me and your daddy are friends, Joanna. I don’t think he wants anything more.”
“But you do.” She discerns, suddenly sounding a lot older and wiser than her seven years.
“Yeah.” He tells her before he can stop himself. Oh god, he’s such an idiot. What if she tells Leonard?
Joanna turns her attention back to the tea party and the conversation seems forgotten. Jim sighs in relief, but then finds himself wondering what would happen if she did tell her father.
Oh well. There’s no use wondering about things that will most likely never happen, he tells himself, and concentrates on his ‘tea.’
Joanna corners her father later that night after dinner. Jim has gone to check his comms for any messages from Starfleet command and to check up on the things he missed in space.
“Do you like Jim, daddy?”
Leonard finishes drying a cup and reaches to dry some cutlery. “Of course I do.”
“No, but do you like like him.” Joanna scrunches her nose as she tries to find the word. “Do you love Jim?”
Leonard drops the knife he’s drying and yells as it cuts his hand. Blood wells up immediately. Joanna scoops to pick the knife up but Leonard hurries to retrieve it, afraid she’s going to cut herself too.
“It’s alright Jojo, I’ll get the first aid kit.”
Jim rushes in, eyes wide. “What’s wrong?!” He spots Leonard’s bleeding palm and crosses the kitchen in an instant, filled with concern.
It’s not that bad of a cut, but Jim has rarely seen Leonard physically hurt. Usually Jim’s the one bleeding all over the place.
“It’s not as bad as it looks, Jim, don’t worry about it.” Leonard reassures him. “Can you get the first aid kit out of my duffle bag?”
Jim nods and runs to get it, heart pounding. Rationally he knows the injury is minor, but he’s worried nevertheless. When he returns Joanna insists on bandaging the cut. Leonard coaches her through the steps. Jim finds himself listening intently as well.
“First the saline, Jojo, that’ll wash out the wound and make sure the dressing won’t stick,”
“Good girl, just put on a little pressure. Don’t worry about hurting me; it helps to stop the blood,”
“Okay, now the dressing. You’re doing fine. See the bandage? If you roll it this way it makes it easier.”
Joanna follows his instructions meticulously, tongue sticking out the side of her mouth as she pours all her concentration into bandaging the cut. Leonard smiles proudly at her first aid skills.
“Well done, Jojo, that’s perfect.” He stands up and stretches.
Leonard tucks Joanna in bed alone. She stares at him for a long moment.
“What is it darlin’?”
“Do you love Jim, daddy? You smile at him a lot, more than you smiled at mommy.”
Leonard freezes and then sits next to his daughter. “Jim and I are just friends.”
“I know, but do you love him?”
“Of course I do, he’s like family. He practically is.”
Joanna simply looks at him.
“I do, Joanna, I like him a lot. He doesn’t love me back that way though, and that’s okay.” Leonard says.
“No it’s not.” Joanna argues, absolutely sure.
“Sometimes you’ll love a person but they won’t love you the same way back. It’s life, and it can’t be helped. Jim’s allowed to feel what he feels.”
Joanna rolls her eyes.
Leonard’s so shocked that he almost misses her next words. “He loves you back, daddy. He told me so.”
“He-he what?”
Joanna looks really frustrated now, as if her match making game has gone haywire. Which it has.
“Jim loves you, and you love Jim, and you both make each other smile.” She says plainly, waiting expectantly.
“Oh.”
Joanna snuggles against her teddy bear and yawns. “Goodnight daddy. I love you.”
“Goodnight Jojo. I love you too.”
When Joanna sees Jim holding Leonard’s hand under the table at breakfast, she smiles. She’s glad her daddy has finally found someone who makes him happy.