Chapter Text
Lena had told herself at the start of the year, one of her new year's resolutions, if you will, that she was going to start having at least one night a week whenever she could, where she left work at 6pm like everyone else, cooked dinner for herself, watched TV until 11pm and then called it a night.
And yeah, it had taken a little adjusting to and she hadn’t fully prepared for there to be so much guilt swimming around in her mind for indulging in TV show marathons on Comedy Central or finally getting around to finishing that book she’d been putting off reading for weeks instead of working, but she had stuck with it and eventually she had made it work, and now Tuesday evenings are her designated do-nothing evenings. Because damn it, she deserves it.
She’s also still getting used to the idea of deserving things. That had been one of her other resolutions; being kinder to herself. She’s still working hard on that one, but she’s getting there. Years of never feeling enough for anyone, including herself, don’t just evaporate overnight. And if all she can accept and relish in so far is that she absolutely deserves a night in front of the TV once a week where she doesn’t think about work and she gets at least 7 hours of sleep, then she considers that progress in and of itself.
So when her phone rings at 7pm on a Tuesday evening in October, she’s already in her sweats and fluffy socks with cats and cute slogans on, looking for the TV remote.
“Hey, girl! Are you still on for tonight?” Sam asks, sounding cheerful and perhaps already a little drunk.
“On for what? It’s Tuesday. You know how I feel about leaving the house on Tuesdays,” Lena says, still looking for the TV remote down the side of her couch.
It’s pretty well known that she doesn’t go out on Tuesdays.
“I knoooow and I’m so proud of you for still sticking to that because you know I think you’re the best person ever and you deserve all the sitcoms and fluffy socks in the world-“ Lena chuckles here, because Sam knows her so well. “-and I really do feel bad for calling on self care Tuesdays but you remember the new bar opening that I told you about, right? The half price drinks all night bar opening I told you about? The let's go get you a girlfriend in that super cool gay bar opening I told you about? Surely you can’t have forgotten?”
Lena had definitely forgotten.
“Right! I had completely not forgotten about that.”
“Lenaaaa…” Sam is definitely at least a little bit drunk. It takes her 3 times as long to say simple words whenever she’s had a couple of glasses of wine. “My daughter is on the other side of the world on a school trip for the next 3 weeks and my girlfriend is working a night shift and I had to sit in a meeting with Morgan Edge for hours today and-“
“Can I just remind you of the 6 digit salary you make to sit in meetings with people like Edge?” Lena laughs.
“There are a lot of 6 digit things I want to shove up his ass,” Sam says, and then she pauses. “And I genuinely have no idea what I meant by that, actually. Lena, I think I’m going crazy. I’ve been alone too long. It’s been 4 days without Ruby and I’m losing it. Pleaaaase come out with me tonight? You might meet the love of your life! You might meet a cute little blonde who is totally not your type and fall head over heels in love with her, and 3 months from now, I could be crying at your wedding!”
Lena rolls her eyes. “And I appreciate your effort and your optimism but I probably won’t be much fun if I go out tonight. I’m exhausted and-“
“Bullshit! You're always fun! So that’s no excuse and I’ll be outside your place in 20 minutes. Make sure you smell nice!” Sam responds, hanging up before Lena can protest any further.
Cursing under her breath, Lena drops her phone onto the couch. Because it doesn’t matter how many times she tells Sam that she isn’t looking for a girlfriend, that work takes up too much of her time to date someone, that she’s totally out of practice; Sam is persistent. And that is probably just because she’s so infatuated with Alex, and after two months of dating her has made it her mission to make everyone as happy and in love as she is. But the sentiment still stands. And regardless, Lena is definitely kind of mad at Sam for making her go out on a Tuesday, and she has every intention of letting her know that. Although, that probably just means that she’s going to silently curse her in her head all night but show no outwards signs that anything is wrong. Because Lena loves her best friend, and Sam is pretty much one of her only friends, and if going out on a Tuesday will make her best and only friend happy, then that’s what she’ll do.
Plus, maybe there’s a small part of Lena that thinks Sam is right, and can’t help but admit that maybe meeting someone she could potentially fall head over heels in love with, wouldn't exactly be the worst thing in the world.
Entering the bar barely half an hour later, dressed and smelling nice as Sam requested, Lena is already thinking about the moment when it’s time to leave. Mostly because she’s all too aware that she has to be up for work at 5:30am tomorrow, and all of the people inside are dancing and drinking as though it’s Friday. But Sam seems excited, and her excitement is slightly infectious, and when Sam grabs Lena’s hand and pulls her over to the bar, Lena can’t help but smile.
“What can I get you, ladies?” The bartender yells over the music.
“Shots!” Sam yells back, excitedly nudging Lena’s hip with her own.
“We’ll just take two gin and tonics, please,” Lena says, narrowing her eyebrows at Sam as she pays for the drinks. “Because you have work tomorrow and I don’t pay you to be hungover at your desk.”
Sam pouts and crosses her arms over her chest, and Lena just laughs and kisses her cheek, before sliding her drink over to her.
“I hate it when you’re rational and sensible,” Sam frowns, taking a sip of her drink.
Lena rolls her eyes. “Oh yeah, because neurotic Lena is so much more fun!”
“I love all Lenas,” she smiles, before downing her drink in one go. “I’m just gonna go to the bathroom. Do you wanna find us a table? If this is the only drink I’m allowed tonight then I might as well resign to sitting and talking like civilised folk.”
Lena’s still laughing at Sam’s dramatics as she scans the room looking for a table. There aren’t any free, she quickly discovers, and this bar isn’t the kind of bar with an empty VIP section she can pay for.
The only table with any spare seats at all around it is occupied by a woman, who is sitting alone reading a book. Lena considers how strange it is to be reading in a place like this, where the music is loud and everyone is drunk, when the city library just two blocks away is open 24 hours, but she doesn’t dwell on it too much as she heads over towards her.
“Excuse me?” Lena says, raising her voice enough to be heard over the music. “Is it okay if my friend and I sit here?” She asks, gesturing to the two empty seats at the girl’s table.
The girl barely acknowledges Lena, she just scowls softly, somehow looking only mildly and absolutely massively pissed off at the same time, before scooting right to the edge of the table, her eyes barely leaving the page for a second, her long blonde hair falling over her face.
Sliding almost guiltily into the seat next to her, Lena drops her purse on the table and sips on her drink, silently willing Sam to hurry up and join her at the table.
Lena glances over at the girl again, trying to peek at what she’s reading. Despite the music, she doesn’t seem to be having any trouble concentrating and seeing her so obliviously focused on her book almost makes Lena wish she had her own to read.
“I can go if you want me to,” the girl says, and Lena jumps, almost embarrassed to have potentially been caught trying to read over her shoulder.
“No, it’s fine! I don’t want you to go! I mean, you’re not bothering me or anything,” Lena says. “And if anyone should go, it’s me because you were here first. So just let me know if I’m irritating you and I’ll go.”
The girl looks up then, and regards Lena with an unreadable expression, before shrugging. “You’re not bothering me. I don’t care.”
She goes back to her book then, effectively ending what was already a very brief conversation, just like that.
Lena’s taken aback by how pretty she is. Not that she hadn’t expected her to be pretty, because every single woman Lena has ever met has been pretty and every single day she questions how she ever thought she was straight, but this woman is… beautiful. Despite her less than friendly demeanour and conversation so far, her face is soft, two blue eyes hiding behind a pair of glasses, light freckles on her cheeks, her complexion perfect and tanned. She looks out of place here, but then again, she looks almost as though she’d look out of place anywhere, and Lena hates herself for staring, but she also can’t seem to be able to look away.
“Are you sure I’m not bothering you? Because I can feel you staring at me and if that’s your passive aggressive way of telling me to fuck off, then honestly, I can go,” the woman says, not looking up but somehow managing to intimidate Lena anyway, and not for the first time that night, Lena finds herself almost blushing.
“I’m sorry, I was just- You’re not from around here, are you?” Lena asks, and she doesn’t even know why she asks that, but she hopes the girl doesn’t take it the wrong way.
“What makes you think that?”
“You’re just- I haven’t- I’ve never seen you around before,” Lena stutters, and then she curses herself inside her head because she’s well aware that National City has a population of around 2 million people, and it really doesn’t mean anything that she hasn’t seen this woman before.
The girl looks up then, and there’s a half smile on her face and the slightest trace of amusement in her eyes.
Lena smiles back, and then just like that, the lightness in the blonde’s eyes is gone and her frown is back. “It’s a big city. And I don’t exactly like to make an impression if I can help it,” she shrugs.
“You’ve made one on me already,” Lena says, returning the shrug, offering the girl a small smile.
Something not dissimilar to anger flashes in the girl’s eyes then, her jaw tensing visibly, and Lena swears she sees her grip on her book tighten. But then the girl blinks slowly, and when she returns her gaze to Lena’s, her blank expression is back and her eyes are empty again.
“Unlucky for you,” the girl says, sounding bored.
Before Lena can respond further, she’s turned back to her book.
Lena watches her for awhile, trying to be more discreet about it this time, watches her eyes darting backwards and forwards across the page, barely stopping as she turns it. Without pausing her reading, she reaches for her glass, finding it empty.
“Can I get you another? What are you drinking?” Lena asks her, catching the opportunity.
“It’s fine,” the girl argues, glancing up at Lena from under her lashes.
“No seriously. What are you drinking?” Lena smiles.
She feels nervous smiling at her, and she isn’t sure why. Everything about this woman both intimidates and intrigues Lena.
“It’s just water. It’s pointless for me to drink anything else,” she says.
Lena smiles, and quickly heads over to the bar before the girl can argue. She asks the bartender for a glass of water. When she turns around from the bar to head back to the table, she finds the blonde watching her intently, one of her unreadable expressions on her face.
She doesn’t look away until Lena is sitting back at the table and sliding the drink over to her.
“You’re the first person to buy me a drink, like ever, you know?” She says, flicking a piece of hair from her eyes.
Something in the way she says that makes Lena wonder how long she’s been alone.
Lena wants to point out that the water is free but the girl probably already knows that. So instead she holds out her hand.
“I’m Lena,” she says, smiling warmly.
The blonde hesitates, just staring at Lena’s hand.
“Kara,“ she says, monotonously, without taking it.
Lena laughs awkwardly and drops her hand into her lap. “That’s a beautiful name.”
Kara shrugs again, and it almost amuses Lena, because she’s sure she’s never known anyone who shrugs so much. “It’s just a name. I don’t really think about it,” she says.
Lena smiles in response, because she doesn’t know what else to say, and she can tell that Kara really doesn’t want to talk anyway because once again, she’s gone back to reading her book. Lena takes out her phone and composes a text to Sam.
Where are you???
I’m at the bar!! I’ve been here like 5 minutes because you looked like you were getting on well with the cute blonde and I didn’t wanna cockblock
Lena looks up and after a quick search, spots Sam at the other side of the bar, furthest away from the table she’s sitting at with Kara. When she meets Sam’s eyes, she gives her an angry and slightly panicked look, but Sam pretends not to notice, fakes innocence and looks away. Cursing her best friend under her breath, Lena looks back at her phone.
She keeps reading her book every time I try to talk to her. In what world does that mean that we’re getting on well?
Also, I hate you. So much
Gay people are weird, Lena. We, as lesbians, should know that. Just move your hair from off your chest so she can see how great your boobs are and like, tell her one of your dumb jokes. You’ll be married in no time. I’m already picking a wedding outfit inside my head
Also, you love me :)
You’re the worst. I don’t know why I’m friends with you
You’ll thank me one day. Now stop texting me you loser. Talk to her
What do I say????
God Lena just ask her what she’s reading
“What are you reading?” Lena asks, before she can tell herself not to, swallowing the rest of her drink in one go.
She hates that she has work tomorrow, because liquid courage a little stronger than gin would probably be really helpful right now.
Kara looks up, looks irritated. “Romeo and Juliet. My sister recommended it to me. But it sucks.”
“If it sucks, then why are you reading it?”
“Because I just like to read,” she says, and then she snaps her book closed. “I think I’m just gonna head home now.”
She reaches for her jacket.
“But are you generally a classics kind of girl?” Lena asks, and she hates how desperate she sounds when she asks, but she really doesn’t want Kara to leave yet, and she has absolutely no idea why.
“I just like to read, Lena. I already said that. I don’t really care whether it’s classics or mysteries or fucking fanfiction, okay? Excuse me,” Kara says, standing up and stepping towards Lena, forcing Lena to stand up too to let her by.
“Can I walk you home?”
Kara stops, just as she passes Lena, and meets her eyes. “Is there something wrong with you?”
Lena laughs. “Do you really want me to answer that?”
Kara narrows her eyebrows then, and the slight movement makes Lena realise just how close they’re standing, barely centimetres between them, and her laugh dies on her tongue. Her eyes dart to Kara’s lips of their own accord, and she’s surprised to find herself slightly breathless then.
“Yeah, actually. I do,” Kara says, and when Lena meets her eyes again, there’s a challenge in them. “Tell me something that sucks about you.”
Lena smiles smugly, accepting her challenge. “My mother hates me.”
Kara rolls her eyes. “My mother is dead. Try harder.”
“I’m adopted.”
“Boo-fucking-hoo, so am I. Come on, Lena. Give me something good,” Kara says, squaring her shoulders and making herself seem taller, their faces so close together now that Lena would only have to stretch her neck a little and she’d be able to kiss her.
She isn’t sure what game Kara’s playing, why they’re having this conversation, why every single inch of her body feels on fire, but suddenly all she can think about is how close Kara’s lips are and how Kara’s blocking her exit from the table so there’s nowhere for her to go. Lena knows she’s staring at Kara’s mouth, but she’s completely unable to do anything about it at this point, her heart thudding hard and heavy inside her chest.
“My brother tried to kill me,” Lena says, and she doesn’t recognise her voice when she speaks.
She forces herself to meet Kara’s eyes, only she can’t, because Kara’s eyes are firmly on Lena’s mouth, and Lena just can’t stop herself from licking her lips slowly.
Lena swears Kara’s pupils visibly dilate at that, but it’s dark and she could totally be imagining things.
“Damn,” Kara says. “That’s fucked up.”
Lena huffs out a laugh, but it doesn’t sound like any laugh she’s ever heard herself make before. “Can I walk you home?” She asks again, forcing herself to sound more confident than she feels.
Just like that, the energy changes. Kara steps back and away from the table and Lena feels her pull away again, mentally and physically. “I can walk myself.”
“I don’t doubt that, but I’d really like to walk you. Make sure you get home safe,” Lena pushes, slipping her purse over her arm.
Kara zips up her leather jacket, and then looks at Lena. What feels like a lifetime passes between them before she shrugs. “Whatever. Do whatever you want.”
“Thanks. I just need to text my friend. Give me two seconds,” Lena says, but Kara isn’t listening. She’s already walking away from Lena towards the exit, slipping the hood on her jacket up over her head.
Lena unlocks her phone to quickly text Sam, but there’s already 3 unread messages from her.
Damn, Lena!!! I told you to ask her what she’s reading, not ask her if you can eye fuck her!!!
I can’t even look, you’re making me uncomfortable. But I’m proud of you. I knew you still had it in you
Okay I’m going home. This is too much, too gay even for me. See you tomorrow. Use protection!!! ;)
Lena rolls her eyes, embarrassed to find her cheeks flushing as she reads Sam’s texts, and shoves her phone into her pocket before hurrying to catch up with Kara again.
It’s cold out as they exit the bar and the sidewalk is already sparkling as the day’s rain begins to freeze over. Lena shivers.
“I don’t think I’ll ever get used to this cold,” Kara says, and it surprises Lena because she hadn’t expected their walk home to consist of conversation, especially conversation initiated by Kara. Lena wonders briefly if Kara even realises that she’s spoken.
“What do you mean?” Lena asks, crossing her arms over her chest, trying to warm herself a little. She wishes she’d brought a jacket.
“I mean, I hate the cold. Where I’m from, it was never this cold.”
“Did you just move here? Where are you from?”
Kara glances over at Lena. “I’ve been here a year,” she shrugs, and Lena can’t understand why her words sound almost painful, but she doesn’t get to even question it before Kara is looking back down at the ground again and the conversation is effectively over.
They walk in complete silence for around 5 minutes before Kara suddenly looks at her and says,
““I don’t usually talk to anyone like this. Or at all, actually.”
Lena hates that that makes her smile, but she can’t help it.
“I don’t usually go out on Tuesday nights,” Lena says, and when Kara smiles, the smallest smile but a smile all the same, Lena wants to give herself a high five.
Kara stops then, and Lena does too, and the energy between them is back and Lena’s heart skips a beat inside her chest.
“I have to go,” Kara says, her breath visible in the freezing night air.
“Go where? I thought I was walking you home?”
“I changed my mind. I have to go. I don’t want you to walk me home anymore.”
“I won’t stay, I just want to make sure you’re home safe, that’s-“
“Lena, I don’t want you to. I’m fine. I want to walk myself,” Kara argues, raising her voice. She looks down, plays with the fabric on her jacket sleeve.
Lena doesn’t want to push her, and she can tell that Kara is clearly uncomfortable for some reason.
“Well can I at least get your number?” Lena asks, taking out her phone and handing it to Kara so that she can put her number in.
But Kara doesn’t take it. “You shouldn’t want this, Lena.”
Her eyes darken then, and suddenly, Lena feels almost afraid for the first time that night. She shivers, and she isn’t sure that it’s because of the cold.
“But I- I do,” Lena stutters, and then she shivers again when she sees anger and grief and pain in Kara’s eyes, all at the same time. “Kara…” Lena says, softly, and then she reaches for Kara’s hand instinctively.
Kara jumps at the touch, and quickly pulls her hand back, and then there’s nothing but rage in her eyes.
“Don’t fucking touch me!” Kara yells, and Lena flinches, and suddenly she isn’t just afraid, she’s almost terrified.
Kara is breathing heavily and her fists are clenched.
“I’m sorry! I was just-“
“Stay away from me, Lena. For your own good, stay the fuck away from me. Because I really don’t want to hurt-“
But Kara doesn’t finish her sentence.
Instead, she just runs off right in the middle of it, and she doesn’t look back, not even once.
TBC