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It's been a whole year. The sun came up once more, lighting the world, helping the plants grow, providing power to those with solar panels, even peeping through windows to greet the afternoon sleepers. It still felt new. The idea of the sunshine bursting in the sky after ten long years of darkness. One whole year...
Countless days of living in fear for many. Weeks of cold that made so many sick. Months of wondering where the next meal would come from or who would survive. Years of trips to the peer of Qualdin Quay, wasting hours on fishing. Hours of waiting on the long awaited return of the chosen king.
The dawn broke abruptly. Shattering every hope. Every promise. Every painful fantasy of ever seeing that young man, who had become a brave and noble king, again, had vanished. The dawn was here and would always return, serving as a haunting reminder of the king that will never return home.
Maybe, Ignis was the only one who cursed the large, hot star. Gladio never did. Prompto always greeted it like it was his friend. Maybe Ignis was the only one who wanted the sun to go away. He was living for the night. The familiar darkness filled with loneliness and a hope that would never be. The hope of one day watching the king emerge from the rubble. Alive.
It felt like a lifetime without Noctis. Life was so difficult to get through since he's been gone. Ignis stayed in during the day, keeping the curtains closed- keeping the sun from burning his skin. He was, indeed the only one who closed off the happiness that everyone felt. He shrugged off the relief that came from those rays.
Come evening time, when the sun began to set, and the moon began to sneak into the sky, Ignis was ready. Children were tucked away in bed, adults calling it a day from work. Not a soul in sight for the late hours. There were no dangers. No daemons to terrorize travelers. No MT’s to fight off. Only what ifs and could've beens threatened Ignis’s sanity.
A long walk down the tunneled road took Ignis out of the enclosed streets of Lestallum and into an open world. He could walk for hours as he often did on his journey with Noctis. A few hours in always lead to a parking spot that held a nice view of Lestallum. Here, Ignis would stop, sit on the railing, and do nothing. Just sit and recall every moment he was by his king's side.
The long silence of night comforted Ignis. Here, he didn't have to talk to anyone. There weren't burdens and constant pestering of anyone trying to take him back to Insomnia. It was just him and the stars above. One of those was Noctis, of that he was sure. There was always that one star that was brightest in the night, holding Ignis tight.
In that hold of old visions that Ignis could no longer see, he was certain of what he saw that night in Altissia. The image of his Noctis, dead. Taken from him as Lunafreya had been taken from Ravus who, in turn, was taken out of this world. Ignis was relieved, forever, of his pride and joy. He had tears he could no longer hide now. The pain that came with his goodbye stung, always. Those memories that kept Ignis in the night, away from prying eyes filled with pity. That's what he lived for. The night.
Then in the mornings, after Ignis returned, into his bed, scar free of his visor, he'd get a familiar knock. It was usually Prompto who swung by first. His hands always holding food or a new book written in braille made just for Ignis. Always the same smile. Ignis didn't need vision to know one of Prompto's signature features. It never faded. Never wavered. Ever the optimistic, even with the former advisor. He's a good person but, no matter how good the intention, Ignis could still not bring himself to answer him truthfully.
“You doing alright, Iggy?”
“I'm fine.”
But tired eyes told the truth. His raspy accent. His shaking hands. The lack of food missing from the pantry. A pocket size memorandum once used for recipes was now neglected. Still, Prompto beamed, fake or not, to offer some sort of reassurance. There was some relief in that Ignis was glad that Prompto was thriving. Noctis wouldn't want him to cry.
In Prompto's mind though, he ached. To see, the once work driven, dedicated advisor checked out of life- it was heartbreaking. No matter what the blond man would do, he couldn't get Ignis out of his dark shell of a room. He couldn't hide those tear stains running down his pale cheeks. Ignis was never the same after the light returned.
The pain of goodbye hammered on Ignis's heart every second of his life. Those haunting memories. Pleasant and peaceful moments too. They all kept him in this room. Prompto knew, stepping out his friend’s cage, Ignis would stay hidden still, out of sight from the world that wanted nothing more than to help him.
After the first visit, Ignis would sit. Had he still be able to see, he would've been looking at the curtains that kept the sun out. He would've seen countless pictures that Prompto left on the drawer set to the side. Another friend checked in, three big knocks before walking in.
Gladio had a six pack of beer and cannister of lightly salted peanuts. Especially on days like this, where Iggy looked way too out of sorts, the tall man was glad he brought beer. It was usually with Gladio that Ignis began to really break down. His held in thoughts came out like vomit. More tears streamed down his cheeks, his sentences sporadic and sometimes inaudible. Gladio would just hug him till he became a mess of brutal sobs.
He was a wonderful friend. He had been since forever, really. For Gladio to still come around, now newly married and probably planning to start a family, spoke of how true their friendship was. Yet, despite this, Ignis still could not escape those neon arms that held him in the night.
So Gladio drank three beers. Ignis had three. They buzzed a little but it always made Ignis easier to talk to when they've had a few. He settles down. This was the only time it was possible for Ignis to attempt a smile or some form of small talk. Never about Noctis. It was just Gladio and himself, speaking of their scars and their finest hours.
The former shield, now captain of the Crownsguard, always promised he'd come back as soon as he could. Always true to his word. Still, Ignis couldn't tell the truth, no matter how broken his mask was.
“Will you be okay once I leave, Iggy?”
“I'm fine…”
That worried sigh he knew of Gladio so well, echoed through the room. He just wanted Ignis to break free. This was just an obstacle in his way. He's been through worse. The shield could never lie and say he wasn't haunted himself. That post traumatic stress didn't just stem out of nowhere after all. He still remembers retrieving Noctis from the throne. Taking out the sword and watching Ignis cradle their cold king in his arms. The way his thin fingers traced his face to try to remember what he looked like was the image that danced around his mind the most.
Gladio suffered, but there was still so much to live for and he was going to live his life to the fullest. He just wished Ignis could see things the same way. Ignis has checked out. When he leaves, he knows Ignis will just sit back on his bed and remain empty.
The beer always killed this man drowning in despair. The man Noctis turned him into when he departed. He came alive once more but only for a moment. Ignis lived for the night, never able to hide his tears from the daylight that came everyday. The tears he'd cry from his king's good-byes. Each memory held him down in the dungeon like a ball and chain.
Night would just return and Ignis ventured out once more, forever repeating this vicious cycle of loneliness and hurt. He'd see those neon arms again, through old visions he could no longer visualize with his own eyes. He lived for the nights.
“Hey Specs.”
That familiar greeting made Ignis turn after he had walked too close to a ledge. That youthful voice, echoing through his soul. Those neon arms opened up, ready for an embrace. Following the sound of an ethereal heartbeat, Ignis was in that hold once more. The tears he cried, the pain, the memories… they've been hard to get through.
Ignis took a step back as he felt his Noctis leave him again. The sun came up once more. It's been a whole year and everyday has been a lifetime without Noctis.