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Once the dust had settled, it was just the two of us left. Two women, alone in the ring together while people was screaming all around us, cheering us on as we fought. My opponent pulled my hair, almost making me fall over until I managed to wrestle her to the ground. On the count of three, I was declared the winner. My body was shaking from exhaustion, sweat was dripping of me as I made my way backstage. To the sound of people screaming my name, I took a final look at my opponent who staggered to her feet's, just as exhausted as myself.
As I sat in the almost deserted dressing room, I could feel how every muscle in my body was screaming for relief. Years of wrestling and fighting people in front of a cheering crowd had taken its toll on me, and I was ready for retirement. But in my heart, I knew I wouldn't be able to quit, until my body broke down and stopped working for good. It was too much of a drug to just give it up, which was why I was getting ready to once again get back out on the road to travel to my next destination.
It was night. Darkness had fallen and the city that I was visiting was sleeping, when the sound from my phone woke me up. The ringing continued as I struggled to find it, finally reaching it on the table a few steps from my bed. Without looking at the display I answered.
"Hello...?" My voice was raspy and tired, and I struggled to open my eyes. From the other line I could hear someone's breathing. I cleared my throat. "Hello? Who is this?" I said angrily as all I wanted was to sleep, and to be awaken by someone like this made me angry. The person on the other line sighed.
"It's me..."
The voice was weak, but I recognized the person behind it. My heart broke, as if it was made of glass and someone had dropped it on the ground. A thousand shards of broken glass. It had taken me years to repair the damage that he had caused me all those years ago. My legs gave in and I was unable to stand up anymore. I sat on the floor, curled up in a little ball with my phone while tears started to dwell behind my closed eyes.
"I'm sorry... I shouldn't had called..."
"It's been years..." I whispered over the phone as my voice was failing me. "Why are you calling me now...?" Tears was slowly falling from my eyes, I could hear him breath on the other side of the line, and for each breath he took, my stomach would hurt even more.
"I've been thinking about you..." He whispered back, his voice tickled my senses but also making me sad at the same time as I knew he wasn't mine anymore. We had ended because of his inability to commit, and I needed a commitment from him. Tears was burning my eyes, and I tried hard to prevent myself from crying. "I miss you..."
His last words hurt like a thousand knifes to my heart.
"Don't..." I sniffled. "Don't say that... Please..." I begged him to be quiet, knowing that the words he said was hurting me more than those he said when we broke up.
"I'm sorry..." He said back with a sad voice. My heart couldn't take it anymore, and I hung up the phone as I broke down crying. My bruised body was badly injured after last night’s fight, but it was nothing compared to my broken heart. Despite the years since we last saw each other, my heart was telling me that I still loved him more than anything or anyone I ever had loved.
The weeks went by. A few times a day I would glance at my phone, wishing that he would have sent me a text as the sound was turned off during my travels. But every time I checked, there was nothing sent from him. For me, there was nothing else that I could do but spend my free time in the gym, making sure that I was in perfect shape to continue my journey. Despite my appearance and my job as a wrestler, I was in many ways a typical "girl", albeit in my 30s, but still longing for love and security. There had been a time when I thought he could give me what I needed, but I was sadly mistaken.
As the music began, I stepped into my role as the strong warrior princess. A woman who could break hearts, as well as bones. My arms over my head, stretching my toned body in an attempt to make myself seem sexy and cold, in the perfect position as I made my way down to the ring. With a wicked smile I made sure my opponent would feel a fear of me as I came near her. The crowd watching us was cheering as we began to fight. Using the skills that I had, I managed to get the upper hand before someone grabbed me and pulled me out of the ring. A vicious fight began as my perceived enemies pounced on me. It was all part of the act, but the pain from their beating was real. It always was. The hate was fake, but the beatings always left scars.
As I managed to get out of their grip, I fought back but soon had no choice but to retreat from the ring as my nose was bleeding. Something had gone wrong, and instead of just hitting me where it wouldn't hurt me too bad, I knew my nose was now broken. It was usually the newbies, those who still had no real talent but who had the look that the business required, that would accidentally slip up and hurt you for real. I gazed back as my attackers as I was pulled backstage by medical personnel. My body was covered in bruises, blood dripping from my broken nose and the kicks to my chest made it hard for me to even breath. As I received medical care from the professionals that my employers had hired, the show in the arena was still going on. The sound from the packed arena echoed in the corridors. My heart was heavy, as I knew that my time in the company was coming to an end. If it had been a few years ago, I'd been more capable of handling the rough beating that I had just received, but as the doctor used staples to fix a secondary wound to the back of my head, I felt how my body begged me for mercy.
But as my wounds healed, and I spread pictures on social media to keep up the appearance of a cool fighter who wasn't afraid of anything, who couldn't get hurt by anyone, I ignored my body's cries for relaxation. The road was calling me again, but my sleepless nights made it hard for me to travel. At night, I would stay up, staring up at the ceiling. My thoughts would be filled by him. His smile, his touch on my wounded body. My longing for him, my broken heart and physical body, made me laugh from the ridiculousness that was my life. In the ring or in the social media, I was a badass fighter, love or pain did not have an impact in me. But in real life, behind the curtains that separated us from the fans, I was just another person whose heart longed for love and passion.
One day, as I dragged my sore body in to my hotel room in a city far from home, I had just closed the door as someone quietly knocked on my door. As it was so quiet, I thought for a moment that it was just my imagination. But as I opened the door, my heart sunk to my feet. Before me stood the man at I'd been longing for, dreaming about for years. His eyes were full of fear, as he looked into my eyes. For what seemed like hours, we said nothing to each other. I moved to the side to allow him to come inside the room, he passed by me without even breaking eye contact with me. My body was screaming for his touch, but I wouldn't allow myself to break, although tears was dangerously close to breaking free.
"Why are you here...?" I whispered under my breath as I stared down to the floor with my arms crossed over my chest. I heard his sigh as he seemed to have a hard time finding the right answer.
"I don't know..." He sighed. "Perhaps it was a mistake... But..." He sighed once again before clearing his throat. "...I needed to see you, make sure you where okay..." His answer made me chuckle, surely, he should had known that being close to him would only make things worse.
"Really...?" I huffed sarcastically at his words while I pulled my hands through my hair. "You sure do have a funny way of doing it..." I mumbled while I walked by him towards the window. "By staying away from me, I would eventually be just fine..." The world outside the window was grey. People hurrying home as the rain fell from the sky. I could see his reflection in the window as he made his way closer to me. With my arms crossed over my chest, I felt my heart beat hard. The only sound in the room came from us as we were breathing. The silence was deafening, the anger and hurt that had been between us was hanging over us like a heavy cloud.
He must have felt the same as me, as he sighed and turned to the door.
"I'm sorry..." He mumbled. "I shouldn't have come..." As he walked towards the door, I heard myself tell him to stop. When he did, I could hardly even talk as my heart was screaming in my chest.
"Just... Tell me why it happened?" I whispered. "And why are you really here...?" His eyes were filled with remorse and pain. My body wanted to embrace him, to hold him close and feel his heartbeat. But my heart wanted him as far away as possible after all the heartache that we had caused each other. "I have a big match this week..." I said with a sigh. "Stay... I got tomorrow off..." I heard the words come out of mouth, but did not know why I said them. "I'm tired, but..." I sat down on the large hotel bed, leaning back to the headboard as I patted the the bed, gesturing to him to sit down. He sat down next to me at first, and then he slowly laid down next to me. He held my hand as we both stared into the darkness without saying another word. Just holding his hand made me feel relaxed. My heart needed him, my pride longed for him, but at that moment it was just enough to have next to me. And finally, I could feel my body relax as I started to drift off to sleep. Still with his hand in mine. A hand that eventually moved, a hand that woke me up.
The feeling of his body on top of mine, his muscles moving as his hands roamed my naked torso made me squeal in delight as my whole body responded to him. His lips on my neck, my hands on his strong back carefully stroking him made me feel the need for him grow stronger between my thighs. I needed him, I longed for him while he grinds his groin on my heat. He's getting harder by the second, his erection is clearly noticeable against my body. I'm shivering from excitement as I kiss his neck, his cheek, his lips. My hands through his hair, pushing his face closer to me. I can't get enough of him, and clearly, he cannot get enough of me. My nipples are rock hard as his chest rubbed on them. Lips on each other, tongues wrestling each other while we synchronized our moaning. For this moment, I'm not thinking about tomorrow, I'm not imagining a life without him. It's just him and me. Together. Like we always should be.
"Oh, please baby! Oh, baby, fuck me...!" I can hear myself moan loudly, strange sounds leaving my lips as he pushes in to me repeatedly. He is thrusting hard, going deeper with every thrust. "Oh, God YEEESSSS...!! Deeper, baby, deeper...!" My nails are raking his back, my legs wrapped around him, my left foot on his butt pushing him deeper.
"Oh, God...!" He's moaning in my ear, moving his lips to mine, his eyes locking with mine. "Oh, you're so tight, baby girl...! Oh, yeah, fuck...!" His arms on each side of my head as I cry out in ecstasy and lose control of my body and mind.
"Oh, love you, I love you so much, baby...!" Tears falling from my eyes as I feel myself getting closer to my release. I'm crying as my body is overwhelmed with happiness and emotions. My eyes are closed, and I can't open them as my body loses control. The weight of his body on mine, as well as the feeling of pure excitement makes me float on clouds, and I can barely hear the comforting words of love whispered in my ear as I feel him speed up his thrust as his release hits him, and I feel his hot spurts deep inside of me. I shower his face and neck with kisses, as we stay connected to each other. Holding him in my arms, him resting his head in the nape of my neck. Our heartbeats mimicking each other. For once I felt completely calm and relaxed. A perfect moment that I wished would last forever.
But it didn't last. I woke up alone. Just as I had many times before. No note. No goodbye. It was as if he hadn't been here, apart from the fact that his side of the bed was still warm. His smell still lingered in the room just as the feeling of his hands on my body, his lips on mine. The many bruises on my body from various fights had been joined by bruises made during a passionate night. But I was once again alone. Just like I had been for years, even when he was in my life. And once again, my heart was broken. Shattered. Jake had left me again.