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John nuzzled Sherlock’s scarf-covered neck, hiding his face from the dim light that wove it’s way through the window. The two were sprawled out on the couch together, dozing lightly with Sherlock’s long, black trench coat curled around them. John ran his thumb over the soft fabric, breathing in its scent desperately. His subconscious told him that he should get as much time as he could with Sherlock before he disappeared again. His brain told him that he was just being silly and that Sherlock wouldn’t desert him again. If he did….Well….John’s eyes were shining with tears as he thought about how scared he had been and how lost he had become without Sherlock. He had fallen back into that lonely, desolate depression again and his therapist was still as useless as before.
"John." A deep rumble sounded and John looked up at Sherlock’s soft, relaxed, blue eyes. He remembered how much he had missed gazing into those eyes, trying to decipher what the detective refused to admit he was feeling. Sherlock had done this to him. Sherlock had put him through months of torture and suicidal thoughts. John felt like blaming someone and let his rage build up inside him. Just as he was about to yell, John felt the fiery anger crumble and reside to where all that was left was raw hurt and confused emotions, "Why’d you leave, Sherlock?" he asked, voice cracking slightly. "Why did you have to?"
Sherlock’s forehead creased in sadness and worry as he stared at John, seeing the way his fists shook and the way his eyes were brimming with obviously unwanted tears. Sherlock reached out to him, placing his hands around John and pulling him close into a hug. “John…” Sherlock murmured, “I’m sorry.” He hadn’t known how bad it would affect John in the long-run. “I’m so sorry. I won’t ever do it again.” John shook with an uncontrolled sob then rubbed his eye, embarrassed.
"You’d better not. You big jerk." He punched Sherlock lightly in the side. John was trying to cover up his sadness with playfulness and that hurt Sherlock maybe a bit more than seeing the man cry. The thought that John would want to hide his feelings from him…. Sherlock put the feelings aside and smiled down at John. All that mattered was that they were back together.