Chapter Text
One of the unfortunate side effects of living in space is the lack of human medicine. The paladins could get by with using Altean remedies and usually the ship had a similar medicine or at least ones the acted similarly to earth medicine. But sadly, Alteans had no need for testosterone. So Keith had been dreading the changes he was about to face.
He’d once asked Corran if Alteans ever changed gender. Corran explained that sometimes Alteans would change their gender but it was quite simple because Alteans can just change their outward appearance very easily. No need for hormones or any of the other shit trans people on earth had to go through.
That meant bad news for Keith.
It scared Keith how quickly some things changed. The first thing he noticed was the mood swings after the first month in space. He constantly felt like shit. To take his mind off the overwhelming feelings he would train until his legs gave out. The others didn't really notice the change, well maybe Shiro did. He was constantly checking up on Keith and it pissed him off to no end. Eventually, he snapped at Shiro, yelling at him to back off and leave him alone. Keith had never seen such a hurt look on Shiro's face. He felt so guilty for yelling at the one person he could consider family that he locked himself in his room. For a worryingly long time.
Shiro was stressed beyond imagine, with a war going on and then Keith acting more agitated than usual it was hard to keep tabs on everything. He made time to try and talk to Keith but Keith just kept avoiding him. Shiro didn't know what to do. Eventually, he found himself breaking down in front of the princess. (with a little help from Altean tequila) allura had been kind and let Shiro cry on her shoulder, knowing all too well how much stress being a leader could be.
Poor Keith was struggling too. Not being on T for a handful of months had caused minor, but powerful, physical changes. Dysphoria crashed down on Keith with each passing week. Within months his hips and chest had filled out, almost back to what his body looked back before he started testosterone. He pushed himself even further in training, trying to fight back against his unwanted detransitioning. It was unhealthy and now the whole team had noticed. everyone knew whatever was bothering Keith was going to kill him if he didn't stop. They all needed to do something, fast.
“Keith,” Shiro called after him, as he made his way back from the training deck. you knew you were in trouble if Shiro used his leader voice. And if Shiro started with the leader voice, it was expected that the conversation would shave a few years off of your total lifespan.
Shiro was using his leader voice. keith, who was not going down easy, was not going to have this conversation.
“Keith,” Shiro called after him, running over to catch up to the shorter boy. Keith pretended not to hear the black paladin.
“Goddammit Keith talk to me!” Shiro pleaded, grabbing Keith's arm in a vice grip.
“Fuck off Shiro,” Keith growled ripping his arm out Shiro's grasp. “ I don't want to talk about whatever the fuck you want to so badly. Just leave me the hell alone.”
“No. we’re talking about this whether you like it or not,” and with that Shiro pulled Keith into one of the rooms in the hallway. Allura (his accomplice) locked the door from the outside and had been told to only unlock the door when Shiro said it was good to go.
“There's something up with you and I don't know what it is, but you need to get your shit together.” Shiro snapped angrily once Keith had stopped banging on the door, trying to get out.
“You know what?” Keith growled, turning around to face Shiro, “you sounded just like that Iverson asshole when you said that.”
That hit Shiro hard. Really hard.
“I don't know how else to get through to you Keith! At this rate, you're going to end up killing yourself!”
“Would that really be a problem, Shiro?” Keith mumbled under his breath, not even realizing he'd said that out loud.
“What?” Shiro's expression had turned from frustrated and anger to shock and worry within a second.
“I'm just so tired of this shit!” Keith sniffed. He was not going to cry, but his bottom lip quivered dangerously. “I'm so fucking tired of th-this.”
Immediately Keith was engulfed in Shiro's arms.
“It's ok to let things out, Kieth. Its ok to cry and to get angry.” Shiro said gently, petting Keith's hair as the younger boy broke down in his arms, sobbing.
“There.. just let it all out.”
A week later Keith woke up to excruciating pain in his abdomen. It felt like he was being stabbed over and over again. Keith whimpered as another set of cramps set in. he'd never experienced this before and he was scared. what was going on?
Keith tried to go back to sleep but the craps didn't allow him to do anything except lay there in agony. Keith hadn't ever had cramps this bad before. At one point Keith couldn't take it anymore, so he pushed himself out of bed, using the wall for support.
He didn't know whose room was closest, he didn't care. He just needed someone who could help him.
Keith slammed his hand on the doorbell thing, distracted by the feeling of something dripping down his leg, he couldn't see what it was in the dark.
“Keith?” the blue paladin stood in the doorway, an annoyed look on his face. “Dude its like… 2 am what- oh shit.”
Lance’s eyes were looking at Keith's leg, which had a trickle of blood running down it, he could see it now because of the light pouring from lance’s room. Keith felt tears well up in his eyes, he didn't want this to happen.
“K-Keith whats wrong? You-you’re bleeding.” Lance stammered.
“I-I don't k-know” the tears fell down Keith's face. Lance was a little shocked, he'd never seen Keith cry before. But he rolled with it.
Lance pulled the whimpering boy into his room and quickly set him down on his bed.
Tears fell down Keith's cheeks, he was in pain, so embarrassed, and uncomfortable that he was unable to keep the tears from falling.
“Keith, hey buddy,” Lance said in a soothing voice, even if he was scared about why Keith had shown up at his door, crying and bleeding. “I need you to tell me what's going on, ok?”
I don't- I don't know!” Keith cried, freaked out by the blood on his leg, and now lance’s sheets.
“Tell me what you feel… like your symptoms I guess.” lance sat next to Keith, rubbing his back, trying to calm the poor boy down.
Keith nodded, tears still dripping off his chin. “I h-had these cramps? And it felt like someone was stabbing me. And I'm bleeding!” Keith said frustratedly, “and I don't know why!”
Lance was confused. What Keith had described sounded like when his older sister had an exceptionally bad period. But Kieth was a guy. So unless he was a trans guy Keith wouldn't have a period.
“Keith… I need you to answer this question ok? But you might not want to, but I need you to answer it for me.” Keith was confused but nodded.
“Are you trans? Or do you take testosterone?” lance bit his lip. if Keith wasn't trans and on his period then there was something very very wrong.
“What? Why are you asking me this?” the anger flared back up and lance mentally cursed himself.
“Look, if your trans, which is totally fine, I don't see you any differently if you are, but if you are and you’ve been off T for a while your periods start up again and they can be really bad the first few times around.” lance rambled.
“How do you know this?”
“Oh, my younger brother's trans actually,” Lance laughed. “for a while our family couldn't afford to buy testosterone. So for a few months he didn't have it. It was really rough on him.” lances face fell, remembering Marco's face when his mom had told him they couldn't afford to buy T for a while. “I-i saved up and bought him some because he was so depressed. I hated seeing him like that.” lance shook his head, pushing those memories away.
“Oh... at the garrison they gave me a year's worth of T. I guess they figured it would be better than bringing me in every other week and injecting it. I was lucky, honestly. If they hadn't done that I wouldn't have been able to be “Keith” in the desert. I-I guess I'm not really Keith now, am I?”
“Nononono.” lance immediately pulled Keith into a hug. “You're definitely Keith, ok? Just because you have a period doesn't mean you're not Keith. You've always been Keith to me and knowing your trans has changed nothing. Absolutely nothing between us. You're still my arch rival after all.” Lance grinned, trying desperately to make Keith feel better. It seemed to work because Keith gave a small hiccup but laughed a little.
“Is this your first one after you stopped taking hormones?” Lance asked softly, massaging Keith's back. Keith nodded.
“Ok. I'm going to try and find some pads and tampons, ok? I'll be right back. I promise.” Lance said as he got up off the bed, but before he left he pressed a quick kiss to Keith's forehead. Keith blushed like crazy, but Lance was already out the door. Did lance just…?
Keith curled up on Lance's bed, trying to make himself as small and compact as possible while the blue paladin was busy, his face buried in the other paladin’s pillow. It smelled nice, like shampoo and mango.
When Lance returned he saw Keith curled into himself, his fingers digging into his arms, some even drawing blood. Jesus, it must be really bad. Keith groaned as the bed dipped under lance’s weight.
“Here you go buddy,” lance handed Keith the pouch full of tampons and some pads to Keith as well as a pair of his boxers. Lance didn't care if Keith got blood on them, it’d come out anyway.
While Keith cleaned himself up, Lance worked on peeling the sheets off his bed and putting clean ones on. when Keith came out of the bathroom, lance instructed him to lay down on the spot he’d put towels, just in case. Lance noticed that disappointed look Keith tried to hide. Lance explained that he didn't care if Keith got blood on the sheets but it would be better to have them there because Lance wouldn't have to change the entire bed if Keith bled through.
Lance made sure Keith knew that he didn't care that Keith had gotten blood on the sheets or that he’d woken lance up. Keith was in a lot of pain and he was probably scared. He assured the red paladin that he didn't mind sharing his bed with him.
Lance gave Keith one of the Altean painkillers he'd stolen from pidge and watched as the pill worked its magic, the pain slowly but surely leaving Keith's face. Finally, the poor boy would be able to get a good night’s sleep.
Lance instinctively pulled Keith closer to him in his sleep, letting an arm hang loosely around the black haired boy’s waist.
Lance woke up before Keith, however, Keith was the reason Lance woke up. Clearly, the painkillers had worn off during the night and the cramps were back. Keith let out another whine in his sleep, instinctively curling up against Lance. Lance let his hand drift towards Keith's abdomen, where he started to rub circles on Keith's pale skin, trying to ease some of the pain the cramps were causing him.
Lance sat there for a while, looking at the sleeping boy right beside him, his black hair splayed out on the pillow. Keith looked soft and just peaceful, except for the occasional time he winced. And his violet eyes. Lance didn't know any human that ever had violet eyes. But they were beautiful- oh shit Keith was awake!
Keith just lay there, confused at why Lance was staring down at him, not sure if he should say something or just pretend to go back to sleep. But lance snapped out of his daze, a pink blush spreading across his cheeks.
“Goodmorning.” Keith slurred, still half asleep.
“Good morning” Lance replied.
“Thanks for letting me stay in your room last night,” Keith mumbled, rubbing his eyes. “I hope I didn't bleed on your sheets again.” he moved and sure enough there was a large splotch of red on the towels lance had put down.
“Fuck! I'm sorry.” Keith said, jumping out of bed and trying to maybe sure there wasn't any blood that leaked through. He groaned when he saw that the sheet underneath it had some blood on it as well.
“It's fine, Keith.” lance reassured him. “I can wash it.”
“Nonono. I did this so I should clean it. Sorry for bothering you like this I should have just stayed in my room,” Keith was rambling, tears threatened to spill over again. Dammit, why couldn't he stop crying?! It was pathetic-
“Keith.” lance interrupted Keith's thoughts, “its ok. Really, it's ok.” lance pulled Keith into a tight hug. He could feel Keith's heart beating like crazy and lance was beginning to worry if Keith was having a panic attack.
“Take some deep breaths and we’ll go get everything clean, alright?” Lance gave him a warm smile and began to take pull the sheets off his bed.
Keith returned to his room and found his own boxers and stepped into the sower. The hot water was refreshing and Keith felt much better. When he got out he was surprised and a little flustered to see lance in his room, in his arms he had a bunch of stuff.
“Uh… Lance?”
“Oh! Dude I asked Allura form some stuff-”
“Did you tell her it was for me?” Keith's heart pounded in his chest. So far only Shiro and Lance knew he was trans. “And did you tell pidge about me too?” Keith was panicking now.
“No Allura though it was for pidge and pidge was passed out in front of their computer when I went to grabbed the stuff. It took me forever! Their room is a disaster.” lance complained “anyway I got you some cool stuff. also, I told Shiro you wouldn't be at training today.”
“You what? I can do training!”
“Keith...”
“Jeez, lance. your not my dad. I've got Shiro for that.”
Lance started laughing to the point where his stomach hurt and Keith actually saw tears on his face.
“Lance? Are you ok?” Lance didn't answer because he was still laughing his ass off.
“Oh my god. I've killed lance,” Keith mumbled, but a smile spread across his face. Why did lance find this so damn funny anyway?
“You have no idea… oh man. I didn't know anyone thought of Shiro as a dad as well!” lance wheezed after he calmed down enough to breathe.
“He's totally the dad! He's our space dad!” Keith grinned, giggling a little at lance’s very red face.
“YES! Space dad! I love it,” lance beamed and it took Keith by surprise. He looked so beautiful. How was that possible, he was just smiling???
Lance showed Keith all the cool shit he’d found all over the castle.
“It's an Altean heating thing. It's really squishy and soft.” Lance said pressing his face into it before handing it to Keith. Lance was right, it was like jelly but covered with a soft material. It also pulsated with gentle heat and it was quite relaxing, for such a strange looking object.
Keith and Lance sat cross-legged facing each other on Keith’s bed, the assortment of things lance had found in between them.
“Cool,” Keith mumbled, resting the thing on his lap. He squeaked as the heating blob wrapped around his abdomen. “Is it supposed to do that!?”
“I don't know?!” Lance said nervously. “I think so???”
After a minute the blob stated pulsating with heat in just the right places and Keith melted. “It feels really good,” Keith whispered. He looked up to see lance hiding his face in his hands.
“Dude, you good?”
“Uh.. y-yeah all good over here.” Lance responded quickly.
“Okay….”
Lance showed off all these weird altean things, some of which were really interesting but keith was more interested in the assortment of bottles and other stuff lance brought.
“What are these for?” keith asked, picking up a light blue tube that had altean writing on it.
“O,h thats from the stuff i found in my bathroom. They're more like different soaps and stuff but there's some skin care ones. This one’s nice, its a face mask. My sister used to have these skincare days when she was on her period and she and i would do a whole bunch of stuff to our faces. It was really fun.” lance had that look that gave him butterflies in his stomach, the one where he looked happy and carefree.
“So i figured maybe we could do that to?” keith didn't really want to put a bunch of wet goop on his face but lance seemed a little homesick at the moment and lance had helped keith out a lot recently… might as well just do it and get it done anyway.
“Sure.” keith agreed. The look on lance’s face was so cute keith thought he was going to die.
Lance excitedly found things he thought would help keith's skin from his collection of altean skincare items. They definitely topped the cool Korean ones he’d had back on earth..
“You have dry skin so this would help” lance smeared something cold onto Keith's face “Jesus have you ever washed your face? I don't understand it’s so smooth but your pores are nasty.”
“ look, if my skin’s so disgusting why are you looking at it?” Keith complained.
“Because when I've worked my magic you're going to look even more amazing.
Wait… what?
“What?” keith said, confused.
“Well, you have really clear skin, strangely. So once we just get the shit out of your pores you'll-”
“Ok ok ok. work your magic, Just stop talking” Keith teased.
After a face mask, nose stop, an exfoliator, and a few moisturizers lance deemed Keith model worthy, making Keith blush.
His face did feel really nice, but he would never actually say that. He wouldn't give Lance the satisfaction.
Keith sat there watching lance expertly smear a green-is teal jell on his face.
“Why are you doing that?” Keith asked.
“Hmm?” lance paused, blueish jell dripping off his finger.
“You look perfect so why are you- oh my god.” Keith hid his face in his hands. He'd said that out loud. shit!
“You think I look nice?” Lance said shocked. “Really? Coming from you that's a huge compliment."
“Don't, don't turn this back on me.” Keith stammered, blushing profusely, refusing to look at lance.
They sat in silence until lance’s face mask was dry and he complained about his baby hairs being ripped out of his flesh as he peeled it off. Somehow lance didn't seem quite as annoying.
“Keith?”
“Yeah?” Keith felt his heart beat faster. Why was that? It was rather annoying and he wished it would stop.
“I don't know much about you, which is strange since we've both been in space for 3 months and by now I should at least know what your favorite flavor of ice cream is.” lance fiddled with the cap of one of the many bottles on the bed.
“ok...?”
“Great! Can I go first?”
“wait. What are we even doing?” Keith asked
“Its like… 20 questions I think its what its called.” lance looked for some sign of recognition form Keith but got none. “Uh.. well basically one person asks a question and the other person answers it. But I'm gonna put a spin on it. If you don't answer the question you have to do something the question-asker tells you to.” Lance smirked. This is going to be fun.
“So like truth or dare… but more truth than dare.”
“Yeah. just like that.” lance extended his legs and leaned against the wall, facing Keith. “Ok, so I'll go first.” Keith nodded “what's with the ring?” Lance pointed to Kieth right hand.
“Oh. its an ace ring. I mean… I'm not really ace but more or less I am? I'm not 100 percent sure yet.” Keith fiddled with the black band between his fingers.
“Oh cool! So you also part of the lgbt community.” his goddamn smile was going to be the death of Keith.
“Uh… lance?” Lance looked up, puzzled.
“Yeah?”
“Im trans.”
“Oh shit. my bad.” he ran a hand through his hair, the shaggy brown locks falling in his face. Keith wanted to do that.
“Can I mess up your hair?” Keith said with a little too much enthusiasm, he was definitely blushing but he didn't care.
“What? No way!” lance backed up, away from Keith.
“Pleaseeee?”
“Ok… fine. Once.”
* keith: anime sparkle eyes* “yess!”
Keith gingerly put his hand on the top of lances head and ruffled his hair. “Oh my god its so soft” he gasped, ruffling it again. This could become addicting.
“Alright! Alright, that's enough” Lance said pulling away from Keith again. “What's your favorite colour?”
“Black” keith answered immediately.
Lance laughed “honey, black’s a shade.”
(keith ex has stopped working)
“Oh uh… red?”
“Of course,” lance chuckled
Kieth thought for a second “Um... Are you queer?”
“What?”
“Well you said also part of the lgbt community, so I assume you're part of it. right?” Keith felt his stomach sink to his feet. Had.. had he misheard lance?
“Oh yeah… well uh... I guess I'm bi? I'm pretty sure, I'm definitely not straight.” lance babbled “I mean.. I've liked girls but over time I've found some guys attractive. Most of them are straight so I've never actually had a boyfriend.” lance tenses up “don't tell anyone else. Hunk might know… I think he’s got an idea that I'm queer but no one else really knows.”
“I think I might be gay.” Keith stated. Before realizing he’d said that out loud. “Well I mean I don't know haha I've never actually had any romantic feelings... For anyone... Well I think I might but he's probably not into me,” Keith laughed nervously.
“Ooooh! You should tell me about him.” Lance said, leaning forward eagerly. Keith swore his heart stopped.
“Uh...maybe in a bit? You still have to learn my favorite flavor of ice cream.”
“Oh. sure I guess. So what is it?”
“I'm actually lactose intolerant. Like… crazy lactose intolerant. I like sorbet though.”
“Hold up! You've never had a milkshake???”
“I have but I threw up a few hours later and it was horrible.” Keith grimaced, remembering the painful experience.
Lance crawled across the bed and plopped himself beside Keith and pulled him into his arms “Keith, you poor, poor child.” the bear hug caused Keith's long hair to fall into his face.
“It’s pink lemonade by the way.” Keith said pushing his hair out of his eyes
“Sounds soooo good. Maybe hunk can make space ice cream. I'd ask for bubblegum.”
“Eww! Bubblegum? It's so gross.” Keith grunted
"alright. My turn. Tell me about this boy.” Lance smirked
“Ugh, you're the worst.” Keith groaned. “Well… he's taller than me and he's really cute. Uh… he makes me feel like I have a stomach full of butterflies and I want to melt every time he smiles… his hugs are magic.” Keith sighed.
“He does sound cute, what does he look like?” lance prodded.
shit ...he looks like the guy sitting right beside me “Um... Well he's got a tan, and he has short-ish brown hair, and his eyes are blue like the sky after it rains and the sun comes out.” Keith was freaking out, would lance put two and two together? Did Keith even like him that much?
“Dude I totally thought you were talking about my younger brother, you literally just described him”
I was describing you, dumbass.
“My turn. Do you like anyone? In space or on earth.” Keith fiddled with the ring on his finger.
“well… there's this cute guy I kinda know. black hair, beautiful eyes you could get lost in for days” Lance sighed. “but there's also this girl, Jenny, back on earth. But she probably has a boyfriend now.”
They asked random questions for a good part of the day, the rest of the team was surprised that they hadn’t ripped each others head’s off yet.
“ what kind of music do you like?” Lance asked, half lying on the bed facing the ceiling.
“MCR, Panic at the disco and twenty one pilots.” Keith recited without hesitation
“Am I even surprised?” lance teased.
“I don't know, are you?” Keith teased back. He winced again as another rouge cramp stabbed him. The heating blob was discarded on the floor because cuddles with lance were better. Some people that would have seen this would have thought they were really close, dorky siblings or adorable boyfriends. Keith silently hoped it was the later.
“You good, buddy?” Lance asked as Keith accidentally let out a sound of discomfort.
“Yeah. cramps are back. It's fine” Keith reassured the blue paladin.
“No, it's not… you're in pain. Want some of those pills pidge had?”
“Yes please.” Keith mumbled, pulling the blankets around him. “how long have we been doing this?” he wondered out loud.
“Um… well, it's almost dinner time.” Lance said, grabbing the pills and a glass of water. “Here,” he said handing them to Keith.
“Thanks,” Keith said, giving Lance a forced smile through gritted teeth. Thes cramps were awful and Keith didn't want to do anything except curl up with lance in the little bed.
“C'mere,” Lance said with open arms. Keith gladly accepted the affection and blushed profusely when lance pressed his lips to the top of his head.
“Do you like me?” Lance asked.
“W-what?” Keith spluttered, the question was relatively out of nowhere.
“Do you like me? Because I think I like you... I mean I do like you but I've never really liked a guy before. I have but it never went anywhere.” lance rambled, his eyes didn't meet Keith's.
“yeah… I'm pretty sure I do.” Keith mumbled.
“Really?!” lance beamed, his smile illuminating the room.
“Yeah… for a while, I think? I just didn't realize it I guess?” Keith buried his face into lance's jacket.
“So.. then are you, my boyfriend? Or would you like to be?” Lance asked.
“Y-yeah.” Keith managed to say, extremely out of his comfort zone. “You.. you don't care that I have.. Y'know... You don't care that I'm trans?” Kieth tensed up as Lance pulled him into his lap and ran his finger though Keith's fluffy hair.
“Not one bit, mullet.”