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Danny sighs softly, untangling himself from Steve’s octopus hold. No matter how much Danny tries to switch off his brain, he just can’t. A whirlwind of thoughts are flowing through his mind a mile a minute and he just needs to be somewhere alone so he can calm the fuck down.
He successfully manages to get out of bed without waking up his ninja-like boyfriend, before leaving he glances at the clock, its bright green 3:30 AM glowing at him in an almost taunting manner. He quietly slips out of the bedroom and down the stairs, avoiding the areas where he knows the wooden floors will creak. It’s been a while since Danny had a night like this, a night where he can’t keep his thoughts and emotions at bay. The past two weeks have been tough on the team, two kidnapping cases in a row, with one ending well and the other with a lot of tears. Danny remembers calling Grace that night, trying his best to not let the fear seep through in his voice as he spoke to his little girl and listened to her go on and on about her day. Gracie’s safe and sound, all tucked away in her bed, but the case still brings back some haunting memories for Danny.
He remembers vividly the day his little girl was taken from him, it may have been for several hours but it felt like a freaking millennium. Danny never forgave himself for what happened to Grace. Sighing shakily, Danny moves from the bottom of the stairs, past the living room and into the kitchen. He debates heavily on whether he should have coffee or beer, he decides on beer with the premise that the alcohol will help soothe his emotions. After opening his beer, Danny opts to go outside, hoping that the cool breeze lulls him into a sleepy haze.
Except the complete opposite happens when Danny plops himself down onto his chair overlooking the ocean. Lots of good things happened in his chair but his brain isn’t thinking about that, no, his brain decides to think about Matty.
God, he misses Matty so much, why did his brother had to be such an idiot and not listen to him. Danny’s still riddled with a lot of guilt at what had happened to his brother. He hasn’t forgotten the sullen looks on his family’s faces when he came home with Matty, the sobs of his mother still rings through his head. He’s still plagued with nightmares of Matty’s dismembered body in the oil drum or when he shot Reyes and Colombia – something that will forever be locked away in his memory. He shudders at the memories, a strong wave of self-loathing overcomes him. He feels tears well up in his eyes when memories of him and his brother back in New Jersey swirl through his mind, he bites down harshly on his lower lip, he is not going to cry like a child, he’s a grown man for god’s sake.
He lets out a shaky, humourless laugh, which causes a few tears to slip through. He stretches out his trembling hand to grab the forgotten beer on the table next to his chair, exhaling loudly before bringing the bottle to his lips. He cringes slightly when he takes a sip, the beer is lukewarm and tastes like dirt and it settles uneasily in his stomach. He drops the bottle back down onto the table and presses the heels of his hands to his eyes and lets his pent up emotions break free, he shoulders shake as sob after sob left his body, disturbing the silence amongst the darkness. The sobbing proves to be quite cathartic much to Danny’s disbelief. Danny tries to keep as quiet as possible, not wanting to wake up Steve with his problems, the man already had enough going on with his life, and he doesn’t need to worry about Danny.
Danny chokes on air as he tries to steady his breathing because Steve. Steve, the best thing to ever happen to Danny, he still has nightmares about him being too late to rescue Steve from the hands of Wo Fat. He sometimes have to remind himself that Wo Fat is dead, that he will never be able to hurt Steve anymore. And he’s not even fucking touching Afghanistan. He ever so often wonders if he’s too lucky, like his whole relationship with Steve is too good to be true. There are days where Danny needs a few reminders that yes Steve loves him very much (and would never ever leave him) and yes he is still alive and has a steady heartbeat and Danny would just roll his eyes as he settles himself on top of Steve, his head positioned on Steve’s chest so he could hear Steve’s heartbeat for himself.
“Baby?” A voice pulling Danny out of the treacherous valley that his mind. Danny stiffens, his breathing is still harsh, and he’s one hundred percent certain that Steve’s supposed to be sound asleep upstairs in their bedroom.
“Steve?” Danny whimpers pathetically, his voice languish, and he doesn’t even try to hide the fact that he’s been crying. He doesn’t move from his position in his seat, but he so desperately wants to cling onto Steve and let his warmth wash over him. Right now, Danny just wants to curl up in Steve’s arms and forget about the horrors in the world, he just wants Steve.
Steve probably sensed Danny’s reluctance to move because before he could even react further, Steve’s right in front of him, sleepy eyed and worried and Danny feels like a bit of an ass for waking Steve up. “Danno,” Steve breathes out, his warm breath brushing across Danny’s skin, making Danny crave for more warmth. Steve’s hands cups Danny’s face, his thumbs brushing away the stray tears that are clinging to his face and he feels as though he can breathe again because Steve’s right there, his hands spreading a calming heat throughout his body. Danny lets his eyes close for a few seconds, revelling in the way Steve’s hands feel on his skin.
Steve’s hands then wraps around Danny’s wrists, causing him to open his eyes, and pulling him up from his chair. “Let’s go back to bed, yeah?” Steve asks, his voice is soft but still rough with sleep and Danny nods, letting Steve pull him back into their house and up the stairs and back into the bedroom.
Steve knows all too well that right now Danny doesn’t need false reassurances that are nothing more than empty words. He knows that Danny just needs some physical reassurance that everything is fine and Steve’s still here.
Steve pulls Danny down onto the bed, cocooning them with the sheets and snuggling in near to Danny, puling the smaller man in close so he could nose at the messy blond hair, inhaling in everything that is Danny.
“You wanna talk ‘bout it?” Steve murmurs quietly, his hand rubbing soothing circles into Danny’s lower back.
“Nuh-uh, mornin’,” Danny slurs sleepily, relaxing against Steve, all the tension draining in his body as he slings an arm around Steve and presses a faint kiss to Steve’s chest.
“Okay,” Steve says, pressing a kiss to Danny’s hair. He’s not going to push Danny, “Good night baby, love you.”
“G’night, love you too, babe.”
And Steve lets Danny’s even breathing lull him back to an easy sleep because he knows that Danny’s safe from his overwhelming thoughts, here with him.
fin.