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After Logan and Patton's heart to heart (heart to logic?), Patton began to interpret Logan's reactions to him a little differently. Logan insisted that he didn't dislike Patton, so there must be a different reason why Logan always seemed so frustrated around him. Without Patton's own insecurities getting in the way, it became much easier to see the whole picture.
Patton had always been aware that Logan struggled with understanding emotions, but he didn't realize just how much he struggled with them until one night about a week after the initial confrontation. No longer deterred by a belief that Logan disliked him, Patton had made greater efforts to spend time with him, and on that particular night they were sitting together in the living room. Patton sat on the floor scrolling through the dogs tag on Tumblr while Logan worked on his laptop on the couch. For a while, they seemed to be simply enjoying each others' silent company. That is, until Logan suddenly and aggressively slammed his laptop closed.
"Logan?" Patton asked gently. "Are you okay?"
He certainly didn't look okay. His face was red, his eyes were watery, and if Patton looked closely, he seemed to be shaking slightly. Goodness, what had happened?
"I'm fine, Patton," Logan bristled defensively.
"Hmm..." Patton hmmed as he made his way next to Logan on the couch. "No. I don't believe you."
Logan scrunched his face thoughtfully. "I see. What metrics did you use to come to that conclusion?"
After a few seconds of thought, Patton realized that was Logan-speak for "why not?"
"People who are fine usually don't slam their laptops closed like that," Patton pointed out. "Do you want to talk about what's bothering you?"
Logan waved a hand dismissively. "No, no, I... Was that really all the information you used to conclude that I'm not doing well? I closed my laptop differently from normal and that's enough for you to assess my... emotional... state?" he questioned, pausing uncertainly on the word "emotional," as if he wasn't entirely sure that that was what he was really experiencing.
Okay, apparently Logan intended to fixate on this topic. Well, if that was what he needed. "I guess it wasn't just that," said Patton. "That was my first clue, but... You don't look so hot, Lo. You kind of look like you want to cry."
As if waiting to be acknowledged, one of the tears pooling on Logan's bottom lids escaped, and he flinched. He wiped away the tear with one finger and stared at it, seemingly mesmerized. That was when Patton realized that Logan's emotional state wasn't just a result of a problem; it was part of the problem itself.
"You know, there's nothing wrong with crying," said Patton softly.
Logan wiped at his eyes anyway. "I know, I just... I guess I was so focused, I didn't notice."
"Oh, Logan. May I hug you?" Patton asked. When Logan nodded, Patton pulled him into his arms and began running a hand through his hair. "What were you even doing?"
Logan's face turned redder, and his body went stiff. "That's really not important."
"If it's upsetting you, that makes it important." Patton hoped that repeating Logan's past words would be reassuring. It seemed to work, as Logan relaxed slightly upon hearing the statement.
"I like to understand things," he began shakily, "and I do not like to not understand things. And normally, if I don't understand something, I just keep trying until I do understand it, but there's one topic..." He turned his face away from Patton, ashamed to admit a gap in knowledge. "I just can't get it, and it's... I think it holds us all back sometimes."
Patton frowned. "Logan, you don't hold us back! We all have our strengths and weaknesses, and that's why we work best as a group!"
"That's just the thing though, that's the thing I struggle with. Working in a group." Logan sighed and opened his laptop to demonstrate. "I took this test, for which I studied extensively, and though I must acknowledge that I am improving, I still failed. It has never taken me this long or this much effort to master a subject, and apparently, the stress of that fact is starting to get to me."
When Logan finished typing in his password and waiting for the screen to load, Patton found himself surprised at the source of Logan's troubles. "Emotional Intelligence Test," he read aloud. "Well gee, Logan, I think it's neat that you're trying to learn more about something so near and dear to this here heart, but why do you think you need to know it? Emotional intelligence is my thing. You don't have to worry about it."
Logan shifted uncomfortably. "It has been brought to my attention over the years that my inability to properly understand emotion has led to unfortunate and sometimes injurious instances of miscommunication with you and the other sides, which is not conducive to an ideal working environment. Of course, I never expect to be as skilled as you are at your craft, but I think that just learning some basics would provide me with the tools necessary to treat all of you more fairly than I have in the past. But I can't even seem to learn the basics. This is all so far outside my realm of expertise."
Ah. Now Patton understood. That was why Logan knew so much about the "Duchenne smile." Patton suspected that the events of the Moving On video had led Logan to seek out ways to tell the difference between Patton's real smile and fake one. That was... actually really sweet. He suddenly felt bad for doubting the logical side's friendship. Just because he showed that he cared a little differently than most, it didn't mean that he didn't care. Patton found himself overwhelmed with appreciation for the effort that Logan was putting into trying to understand something so far outside his comfort zone for the sake of communicating with all of them a little better. But, upon getting a glimpse at just how much Logan struggled to understand emotions, Patton began to realize that Logan's usual reluctance to express emotion might not just be a matter of not wanting to. He might genuinely not know what he was feeling or how to convey it clearly. Well, that made Patton sad. He had to teach Logan! Logan needed to know for sure that the rest of them loved him and were willing to listen to him even if he couldn't quite speak the same emotional language!
"You're doing your best," Patton mumbled incoherently through tears. "I'm so proud of you."
Whoops. He really hadn't meant to start crying. Well. He would try to communicate his message at a later date, sometime when he wasn't crying and Logan wasn't a distressed bundle of confusion in his arms.
After that night, Patton had decided to be a little more intentional in his efforts to open a line of communication with Logan. Fortunately, this was what Patton existed to do: to understand multiple points of view and to use that understanding for positive emotional outcomes. Logan struggled with emotions because they don't follow a clear pattern. That was why he was drawn to studying facial expressions and body language; they were consistent patterns that he would be able to recognize in a variety of scenarios. So if Patton wanted to help Logan understand emotions better, he had to point out patterns. He would also have to avoid being too expressive, because that would confuse and overwhelm Logan. That would probably be the most difficult part for Patton, but it would be worth it if it would help his friend.
"Good morning, Patton," said Logan as he entered the kitchen. Patton was working on cooking breakfast. Something about making a meal for the other sides first thing in the morning was comforting to him. Maybe it was the assurance that they were definitely being fed. Maybe it was the fact that it brought them to all spend time together. Maybe it was just some inexplicable dad instinct that had no deeper meaning. Maybe it was a combination. Regardless, Patton found comfort in making breakfast, and so he did it most days.
Logan, meanwhile, found comfort in the routine of it all, and Patton knew that. While Roman and Virgil were grateful but sometimes unreliable in their breakfast attendance, Logan was predictably there at exactly 7:15 each morning. Patton tried to maintain a schedule as well, for Logan's sake and in hopes of convincing Roman and Virgil to adhere to at least some semblance of stability. But on the rare occasion that Patton's schedule was forced to vary, he could tell that it made Logan uneasy. It wasn't just a matter of breakfast taking longer than usual, either. Even if breakfast was ready earlier than usual, Logan would still make a face like he had to reboot his entire programming. He tried to hide it so as to not create unnecessary fuss, but Patton could tell it caught him off guard.
This morning, though, everything was right on schedule, so Patton knew he would most likely be able to enact his plan. "Good morning, Logan," he said cheerily. "How are you this morning?"
"I am doing adequately. How are you?"
"I'm pan-tastic," Patton grinned. When Logan groaned and mumbled something about "honestly, such silliness so early in the morning," Patton considered it the perfect opportunity to remark "really, my puns are nothing to mourn about!" Which of course was only met with an even more exasperated groan.
Eventually, this banter relaxed into an actual conversation, as they ate their breakfast and discussed their plans for the day. It appeared that this was going to be a day where both of the other sides slept in, and while Patton was usually disappointed to miss anyone at breakfast, he found himself grateful today. There would be less happening and fewer witnesses to overwhelm or confuse Logan.
Right on schedule, as they finished their breakfast, Logan stood and began to clean the kitchen. Patton, as he rose to help, plainly spoke four words.
"I love you, too."
Logan froze. His brows furrowed, expressing his confusion. "I... I didn't say anything."
"Not technically," Patton agreed. "But every morning, you join us for breakfast and help clean the kitchen after, and that shows us that you care about us. So, I love you too."
"But, I... I do this because it makes logical sense, Patton, not because-"
"Love can be logical. They're not necessarily at odds."
Logan fell silent: a rare sight indeed. He seemed to be seriously considering it, which was what Patton had hoped for. He knew it would take time for Logan to think about it, but he hoped that his explanation would help Logan make sense of the various ways that love can be expressed.
The next day, Patton found Logan sitting on a kitchen stool reading a book. This was not an unusual sight, but the book title intrigued Patton: The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Looked like Logan was still on his quest to figure out emotional communication.
"Whatcha readin'?" Patton asked, even though he could see the title. Sometimes it's important to ask the people you love questions about things that matter to them, even when you already know the answers to the questions you're asking.
Logan jumped. "Oh, hello, Patton. Sorry, I didn't see you there, I was focused on what I was reading. It's a book called The Five Love Languages. It describes how there are multiple ways that people express love, and that sometimes miscommunication stems from misunderstandings about how others express affection. It mostly focuses on romantic relationships, but your explanation yesterday after breakfast reminded me of some of what I had previously read about this subject, so I decided to read this book again now that I have a bit more context. I think it's a topic that would interest you, would you like to borrow it when I'm finished with it? I mean, I suppose you might not benefit from it much if it's information that you already know, but it could still be an interesting read, if-"
"Sure, Logan, I would love to borrow it! You're right, it sounds like an interesting book. I love you, too."
Logan perked up at the last sentence, his face adorned with the classic Logan look of determination to find an answer to a puzzle. "A verbal expression," he mumbled under his breath. "You've been using verbal expressions, possibly because you think that's the 'language' for which I am most responsive, because it's literal language. But you said it because you picked up on something that I did that you interpreted as an expression of love. I have not verbally said anything, so it must be a different language that you recognize and then try to translate back to me." He flipped through the book, trying to find an answer. "Gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, and physical touch. It wasn't physical touch or words of affirmation, leaving gifts, quality time, or acts of service. This time, it could be gifts, but I just asked if you wanted to borrow the book, not keep it, so that one is unlikely. Yesterday could have been classified under quality time, but now we have only been interacting for a few minutes, so perhaps offering to let you borrow the book could be classified as an act of service. Or maybe I'm focusing on the wrong part of the conversation." At that point, Logan looked back up from the book to Patton, and Patton had to resist the urge to giggle. It wouldn't be nice to laugh, but Logan was overthinking almost as much as Virgil, and he looked so serious! Which was why Patton wasn't allowed to laugh, no matter how funny Logan looked. To Logan, this was very serious business.
"It was kind of a combination of things," Patton explained with an amused smile, because sure, he couldn't laugh, but he couldn't possibly be expected to not enjoy this at all. Logan was taking an interest in something Patton knew all about! He was glad to have the bonding time. "Having neat little categories like that helps with figuring out what types of things can count as affection, but not everything is going to be able to fit in just one category. It's like..." Patton scrunched his face up in thought. "Like how pizza fits in the grains, veggies, and dairy food categories!"
Logan snorted in amusement. "Well, that's a generous estimation of pizza's nutritional value, but I think I understand your point. You have given me a lot to consider. Thank you, Patton." He closed the book and set it aside, tapping it a few times as he thought about his next words. "Is there anything you would like to do? My day isn't too busy today." He looked at Patton carefully, awaiting his reaction.
Patton beamed. "I love you too, Logan." Logan made little attempt to hide his self-satisfaction. "In fact, there is something that I think might be fun. I just learned about this one type of word association game..."
Everything hurt.
Patton was curled into a ball on his bed, sobbing so hard that he was vaguely worried it might make him sick. Only vaguely, though, because any worry about being sick was drowned out by sadness, sadness, sadness.
One of Thomas's friends had moved to another country. He knew that he should be happy for them. It was a great opportunity, after all. And he was happy for them, but when Thomas closed the door after their last time hanging out together as near neighbors, it hit him all too hard that that wasn't going to happen so often anymore. Of course, moving was not the same level of tragedy that it used to be in today's world of technology and transportation, but it would still be different now. Even if they could still talk to each other, he was going to miss them being right there.
Everything hurt, and so when Patton heard a knock at the door, he didn't want to move to answer it, or even open his mouth to ask who it was. He hurt too much, and he didn't want to move.
Just when Patton decided he really ought to answer the door even if it hurt, it opened anyway.
"I apologize for the intrusion," said Logan sheepishly. "I normally would try not to invade your privacy, but I am not sure that you should be alone right now," he explained, opening the door further to reveal a heavily distraught Virgil and a less-open-about-it-but-still-clearly-sad Roman. "Or... anyone else, for that matter."
Patton whimpered, but sat up. "Hey, kiddos."
Virgil instantly rushed to his side, his protective instincts kicking in at the sight of Patton's tears. Logan had to nudge Roman towards them, but he joined with little hesitation, wrapping Patton in a tight hug. Logan still stood in the doorway, seeming to carefully assess the situation.
"You'll need water," he said. "I'll go get some. Are there any comforting items I should gather as well while I'm out there?"
Patton sniffled, but he had to admit he felt better with the others there. "Just yourself."
Logan nodded. "I will return as quickly as I can."
"Wait, Logan?"
Logan paused. "Yes, Patton?"
"I love you, too."
Logan smiled ever so slightly before disappearing into the hallway.
"Hi Logan!" Patton called cheerfully. "Whatcha doin'?"
Patton had just planned to take a walk outside, hoping to see some dogs (which he would certainly find if he looked long and hard enough, because this was Thomas's brain, and there were definitely dogs to be found somewhere) when he spotted Logan laying on his stomach in the yard, apparently observing something very closely.
"I'm watching the ants," Logan explained. "They're making an anthill here. It's fascinating, how well ants work together."
"Oh, sounds fun!" said Patton. "Can I join you?"
"Oh. Um... sure."
"Yay!" Patton placed himself on his stomach across from Logan, on the other side of the anthill. For a while, they didn't say anything at all, just watching the ants gather sand and place it on the hill.
"Hey, Logan?"
"Yes?"
"Why do ants make anthills?"
"Well, they're actually not trying to make an anthill, necessarily. Or, at least, that's not their main goal. They're making underground tunnels and chambers to store food, larvae, and the Queen and her mates. But when they remove the soil from the ground while digging out the tunnels, they put it around the opening in such a way that the soil won't fall back in and flood the nest. So that's how the hill is formed."
"Oh, cool! What does it look like inside an anthill? Oh, how do they see underground? Do ants have eyes? What about their mouths? Do they like cookies? Should I bring them a cookie? I'm going to bring them a cookie." Patton jumped to his feet and jogged inside.
When he came back out (with three cookies: one for the ants, one for himself, and one for Logan), he returned to the sight of Logan deep in thought. At first, he assumed he was thinking about the ants, until he looked at Patton and revealed a deeply serious expression.
"Patton?"
"Yeah?"
"Correct me if I'm wrong," and he flinched at the word, but proceeded anyway, "but I believe this is a context in which it would be fitting to say... I love you, too."
Patton found himself filled with all of the joy of a proud father. "Yes, Logan. You are correct. I love you, too."