Work Text:
This is so stupid, Katya thinks, his fingers pausing above the keyboard keys before pressing down, the room filling with a soft clack, clack, clack.
“This is real fucking stupid,” he says out loud to the emptiness that surrounds him. Rubbing the back of his neck, his eyes scroll down the page. Height, body type, interests. “Ugh.” He isn’t sure why he was doing this, loneliness or desperation? Maybe there was no difference. He fills the boxes out, defines himself in the parameters of no more than 500 characters.
He picks a picture, some selfie where he doesn’t look dying or like a hip science teacher. The cursor lingers over the upload button, and he stops, remembers the last time his pictures were on a dating site. He hadn’t been ashamed, more annoyed at the intrusion into his personal life. But that was his life now, there was nothing personal about it. Private perhaps, but personal? His life had been shared with many by now, didn’t really feel like his.
He goes onto google, picks a tarot card. The Lovers. It was a little on the nose, but did subtlety really exist on a dating site? He uploads it, waits, and goes about his day.
It’s night when Katya returns to his apartment. It feels bigger when he sets his keys down on the kitchen counter, or maybe he had just gotten too small for it. Wrapping himself up in his plaid blanket, he kicks off his shoes and curls his feet under him as he sits on the couch. He grabs the laptop from the arm of the couch, a gentle hum of excitement matches the hum as it starts up, immediately loading the website.
One new message
The pessimist in him disregards it; must be a welcome message, or an unflattering penis shot. He clicks on it anyway despite himself.
DollyLover: A tarot card picture and your interests are meditation, crystals and conceptual art. Are you Marina Abramovic or are you just super pretentious?
Katya presses his lips together, a small huff of air escaping as he reads the message again, musing whether to reply.
Kzbm: I mean, they’re one in the same. But neither. Your name is DollyLover and your interests are “gay things.” Are you Neil Patrick Harris or a cliche?
DollyLover: I’m better than Neil Patrick Harris in every way except for looks, talent and money.
Katya barks out a laugh and pulls himself up a little, his elbow resting on the arm of the couch.
Kzbm: Well, I’ve never been reunited with my ex lover at an art installation, so Marina’s got me beat.
DollyLover: So what you’re telling me, is that these baseless assumptions are actually baseless? I’m shook.
Kzbm: Well you know what they say about assuming, it revitalises communism.
There isn’t another message after that, and Katya berates himself slightly for being so fucking weird. This isn’t real life, where his head is on a five second delay with his mouth, he can think before speaking, and he still manages to mess that up. There’s another message, a new one, and he clicks it with anticipation.
VeganRice: hey baby, wanna shake my juice and see what cums loose? ;)
Katya sighs, and deletes the message. He stares at the screen for a little longer, and clicks on Dolly’s profile. It’s sparse, a picture of Dolly Parton as the profile, and one interest. They’re intriguing, whoever they are, and Katya’s disappointed when he goes to bed with an empty inbox.
He has a show tonight, and the rest of the day drags in slowly before it’s time to get ready. Grabbing his phone, he sits in front of the mirror, trailing through songs before selecting one. The shiny new icon of the dating website app sits and smiles at him smugly. He’s a glutton for punishment, clearly wants to carry his disappointment with him rather than leaving it at home for the night. In his head, logically, he knows that the lack of messages is due to the lack of picture. People are shallow - whether they want to admit it or not, the physical appearance of someone is always the first thing you notice. But he had hoped he had made himself sound at least a little interesting.
His phone vibrates beside him, a message from Trixie.
Trixie: Going to be at your show tonight so don’t half ass it like you usually do
He laughs before typing out a quick reply.
Me: I’m going to spirit fingers the fuck outta this routine
Trixie: This is what the republican nightmare will look like
Me: This is democracy
Trixie: It’s a cheerocracy
Me: You’re being a cheertator and a pain in my ass. See you tonight
When Katya performs, it’s like a whole other high. It’s manic, and lights blinding her eyes, and the beads of sweat on her skin bouncing with every scream of the crowd. It’s her favourite drug, a drug where the comedown isn’t so harsh, but she’ll be damned if she doesn’t crave it just as much.
“I see you brought out those spirit fingers,” Trixie says as they walk into the dressing room together. It’s not really a dressing room, just a bare room with a table and a mirror.
“It was broughten,” Katya replies, undressing and throwing her sweaty clothes in the corner of the room, the bright colours a contrast to the beige carpet. Trixie sits on the chair at the table, leaning her cheek against her closed fist.
“I swear I’m getting old because it’s honestly way too late to be out at this time,” he says, stifling a yawn. “I can’t imagine how you feel.”
“Oh fuck you, I am at the peak of my physical health.”
“No bitch, that is a canyon,” Trixie retorts, ducking as Katya throws her tuck tape. Grabbing sweat pants and a t-shirt, Katya changes into them, the silence in the room comfortable. Trixie’s texting when he turns around, and contagiously, he checks his phone. There’s another message, a bright, white 1 taunts at him.
DollyLover: I think the great Karl Marx said that. Sorry about the delay, I had to fight crime.
Katya smiles, the elusive Dolly is back.
Kzbm: Oh, were you the masked man that flashed me in Taco Bell this morning?
DollyLover: Yeah, sorry, their cheesy bean burrito just gets me so horny
Katya laughs, the noise joining the sound of fingertips on screens. Trixie looks up, the light of his phone reflecting in his irises.
“I joined a dating site,” Katya answers before Trixie can ask the question. Trixie raises an eyebrow skeptically.
“Are you that horny?” he asks, locking his phone screen and putting it into his pocket.
Katya shakes his head, musing his words. “I just wanted people to talk to.”
A flash of sympathy appears across Trixie’s face, and Katya feels almost embarrassed that they’re talking about this.
“You sound like one of those white women that write to serial killers.”
Katya rolls his eyes as he grabs his bag, “I did always have a crush on Charles Manson.”
Standing up, Trixie laughs. “That would not surprise me in the slightest. Come on grandma, let’s get home before the early bird special.”
They link arms as they walk out the club. The bass is muffled as they stand outside waiting for their uber, the air warm and pleasant. There’s a group of smokers at the door, the smell of cigarette smoke wafts over to Katya, and he signs in resignation. He’s trying to quit, trying being the operative word, but it’s been one day without a smoke, and it just looks so tempting.
“Does your Charles Manson guy have a name?” Trixie asks, and Katya welcomes the distraction from his nicotine addiction.
Katya shakes his head, “We’ve only spoken once, I don’t even know what he looks like.”
“Oh, so you really are going for “death row killer bae.”
“I don’t think they have computers on death row,” Katya replies as the car pulls up. Trixie stops in the middle of opening the door, his face contorted in disbelief.
“Katya, they’re criminals.”
Katya arrives at his apartment, the streetlights outside his open window casts the room with a soft orange glow. The laptop is on the arm of the couch, waiting like a spouse. As he sits, he thinks over at Trixie’s words. While he was adequately sure that Dolly was most likely not a death row killer, apprehension had began to set in. His excitement to find something new had highlighted his naivety. Wit was all Katya knew about Dolly. No age, no name, nothing. But maybe that was the thrill of it. With nothing to go on, there were no hang-ups, no expectations, no fear.
Kzbm: For all I know, you really could be a Taco Bell flasher
DollyLover: I’m more upmarket than that, I’m an Olive Garden kinda gal
Kzbm: Should we exchange pictures? To make sure we aren’t serial killers?
DollyLover: Is this a ploy to get dick pics? If so, you should’ve just asked
Kzbm: I mean, I’m not averse to that. I dunno, I just had a moment where I thought you could be a serial killer
There’s a delay in the next message, and Katya worries he may have offended.
DollyLover: I still might be. But here:
myface.jpg has been sent
Katya clicks on the attachment, and laughs at the picture. It’s a selfie, a man with dark hair, in a grey bathroom. With a huge heart over his face. It’s strange, because the action soothes his worry. The bathroom feels familiar, like he’s seen it before, and the smattering of dark hair confirms that the person he’s talking to isn’t in fact a teenage girl.
DollyLover: Sorry for the thing on my face, my mirror was a little dirty. But, your turn. Face or dick pic welcome
Kzbm: Please excuse this candid shot of me
candid.jpg has been sent
It’s a shot of him at the beach, his back towards the camera. He loves the beach, loves the feeling of the grain of sands between his toes. Some people hate the feeling of sand, but Katya loves it, loves the coarseness against his skin. And then you’ve got the ocean, this big, vast space that just goes on forever. Whenever he’s got something on his mind, he goes to the beach, and watches his thoughts roll alongside the waves, building, and then breaking away as they crash against the water.
DollyLover: Wow, where’s your face?
Kzbm: Um, that’s how I was born actually. I have no facial features whatsoever
DollyLover: That’s so beautiful. You don’t look horrifically old, so that’s a plus. How old are you?
Kzbm: A lady never discloses her age. But, early thirties. Now you
DollyLover: Since we’re being so elusive about it, late twenties. Why are you on this, you seem witty and not a creep.
Kzbm: I don’t have a face. I guess I just wanted to talk to new people, you know? You?
DollyLover: I got tired of watching porn and looking at dicks on Grindr, so decided that I could find a good fuck on here
Kzbm: Maybe I could help with that
The words escape his fingers before he can even process it, and it’s like time stands still momentarily as the bubble on the screen continues to load.
DollyLover: Maybe I’d like you to
It’s almost pathetic, how five words from a stranger gets him slightly hard. It’s been a while sexually, other than masturbation, his cock has not seen much action. Not necessarily through choice, but there’s only so many meet and greets he can do that end up with him on his knees. And sometimes it’s boring, it’s boring having to go through this phony walk-through to end up in sex. No, he doesn’t really care what your name is, or that you’re a huge fan, just lie down and shut up.
But then sometimes, sometimes it would be nice to just do it with the same person. And while Katya has accepted that this is not on the cards for him, there is a slight yearning for it. To wake up to something other than an empty bed? That would be nice.
Kzbm: Right now? It’s like 2am
While the thought of having sex with Dolly is a curious one, Katya is quite content and comfy to be curled up on the couch, his feet wrapped up in the softness of his blanket, the world in his palm.
DollyLover: Fuck no, I don’t even know where you live, and no way am I getting out my pjs
Kzbm: Well you can get out of them now if you want? And LA, that’s where I live
DollyLover: Oh cool, me too. And I was lying, I’ve been naked in bed this whole conversation
Kzbm: Is it super cheesy if I say that I like the sound of that?
DollyLover: I mean, if it was anyone else then yes, but because it’s you then no
Kzbm: I’m glad, I’m gonna be honest and say that I’m not good with this whole sexting thing
DollyLover: Me neither, I’m more a visual person myself, and it just feels so cheesy to write what you’re going to do to someone
Kzbm: Right?! Like let’s quite the talk, and fuck already!
DollyLover: Well since we’ve decided that all we’re doing tonight is talking, wanna try it?
Katya straightens up at that. There’s a growing bulge in his trousers, and he stands up to shimmy out of his sweatpants. He sits back down, his legs straightened out, feet against the cold wooden floor.
Kzbm: Sure, we can try. How do you like to be touched?
DollyLover: How would you like to touch me?
Katya hesitates, bites his lips as he gathers his thoughts.
Kzbm: At first, I wouldn’t touch you at all, would let my fingers go over your hips, up your thighs, just a breath away from your skin. Then I’d trace a finger over your cock, from the bottom of the shaft, to the head. My hand would wrap around it, the skin warm under mine, and I would pump softly
DollyLover: Would you make me cum?
Kzbm: No. I would draw it out, get you to the edge then stop. You would be frustrated, needy moans falling from your lips as I tease you again
DollyLover: I’m hard as fuck right now
Katya smiles slightly, his cock hard in his boxers. He takes it out, the flesh hot in his hand.
Kzbm: Me too, are you touching yourself?
DollyLover: Yess, imagining my lips around your cock as you thrust into my mouth
Katya wraps his hand around his cock, and begins to pump furiously. There’s precum slick around his head, and he smears it down his shaft, his hand moving up and down.
Kzbm: Would you like me to fuck your mouth? Thrust deep into you
DollyLover: Want you to fuck my ass, make me moan your name into the sheets
Kzbm: I would, would have you biting your lip to stop you screaming
DollyLover: I’m so close already fuck, want you to cum right inside me as you pound into me
Katya’s close himself now, his thighs shaking as he continues to move his hand. His hips are rising from the couch slightly as he thrusts, and he cums all over his hand, the liquid warm and wet.
Kzbm: I just came. Want to cum all in you, make you mine. You’d be thrusting back against my hard cock, moaning like the little slut you are
DollyLover: Fuck, I just came thinking about it. I thought you weren’t good at sexting?
Kzbm: Eh, I’m more a show than tell kinda person
DollyLover: Then show me
They agree to meet at a restaurant in Venice, right by the beach. It’s a place that Katya’s familiar with, which makes him feel less anxious. He doesn’t know what to expect, except he does, and that’s what makes him nervous. Sex is just sex, but this is different, while the sexting the night before was great, Katya worries that it might just be all talk. And that would be fine, not everyone is going to be sexually compatible, but there’s anticipation here.
It feels like he knows Dolly, there’s just something that clicks and feels familiar, which sounds stupid because logically, there is nothing familiar about this situation. His stomach is doing flips when he walks up to the restaurant. It’s a cute Chinese place, with paper lanterns and worn wood tables. Dolly hasn’t given a description of himself other than black hair, and would be sitting at a table reading a magazine.
Katya’s heart quickens as he walks up to the upper level of the restaurant, the view of the beach expanding with every step up the stairs. He looks around, his eyes drawn to the table in the corner, a smattering of black hair appearing above a copy of Entertainment Weekly with Neil Patrick Harris on the cover. He exhales a shaky breath before psyching himself up and walks over.
“Dolly?” he asks cautiously as he approaches the table. The magazine lowers slowly, too slow, and it feels like forever before he can see Dolly’s face.
“Trixie?!”
“Katya?!”
Katya’s heart stops as he stands there, astonishment evident in the face of his friend. Of all the things to go wrong, this would possibly be above death.
“You’re Dolly?” he asks, gripping the edge of the table to make sure this was in fact, real life.
“And you’re kzbm?” Trixie replies, not asking, but concluding.
“Well, this is real fucking awkward and messy,” Katya states, sitting down, his hands over his eyes, elbows on the table. “I’m going to leave, let’s not talk about this again.”
He’s disappointed, way too disappointed for something that was most likely going to be meaningless sex. Maybe he had gotten caught up in it, his mind taking this further than it was ever going to go.
“Wedon’tneedtobesohasty,” Trixie rushes out, so quickly that Katya doesn’t even really register it as words until he looks up. He raises an eyebrow in question, his mouth isn’t working quite yet, and Trixie’s response is two pink spots on his cheeks. “We could still…”
Trixie trails off, the empty words hanging in the air, making their presence known.
“But I’m not your type. And we’re friends,” Katya manages to sputter out.
Trixie presses his lips together. “No, you’re not. And yes, we are,” Trixie says slowly, picking his words carefully, the cogs turning in his head. “But…you could be.”
Katya blinks, then double blinks, opens his mouth and then shuts it again. He’s stumped. He’s more stumped at the fact he’s not totally averse to the idea. Trixie has always been Trixie, but now, he’s the one that dirty talked to Katya over the internet and made him cum. The friendship was fucked now anyway, might as well go all the way.
“Okay,” Katya replies, drawing out the last syllable in case he changes his mind. Trixie gapes a little before nodding and inhaling through his nose. They stand up together, and share a look, a look to question if this was really happening. They nod a little, and walk out the restaurant, magazine left on the table.
Trixie’s place is closer, so they head there. The ride there is silent, full of nervous energy that is not picked up on by the driver who goes into great detail about his kids. They avoid each other’s eyes in the lift, and Katya wonders how they’ll actually do this if they can’t even look at each other.
Trixie’s apartment is clean and simple, and while Katya’s been here many a time before, this is different. This is not hanging out and watching 80s movies with a takeout. Katya forces out an awkward smile as Trixie kicks his shoes off.
“So, uh bedroom I guess?” Trixie asks. Katya looks over at the door across from them, it seems so ominous and intimidating, but there’s a subtle hint of excitement there. Katya’s always made bad life choices, and maybe this will just be another one. But maybe not, and the prospect of that is intriguing.
Katya takes his shoes off carefully, places them by the door and makes his way over to the middle of the room where Trixie’s standing. Katya’s never been so close to Trixie’s face. His eyes follow over the bridge of Trixie’s nose, along cheekbones that have a few faint freckles on them, and back at brown eyes that are staring back at him, full of nerves and wonder. His fingers go over Trixie’s jaw, the skin smooth underneath him.
They move in at the same time, dry lips pressing against his softly, like a teenagers first kiss. It’s awkward and tense, but Trixie’s hand rests lightly on Katya’s hips and it’s like the tense air between them breaks. Lips move against lips, deeper, a tip of the tongue touches his, and he welcomes it. Their tongues move together, Katya’s arms wind around Trixie’s shoulders, his hands interlocking behind Trixie’s neck as he pulls him closer.
Time stops as they kiss, their chests flush against each other while they break the boundaries of their friendship into small pieces. It’s Trixie that pulls away first, his eyes now shiny and bright. They move without words towards the bed, and Katya’s first to undress, pulling down his jeans and taking off his t-shirt.
Trixie is slower, but not hesitatingly so, more teasingly. There’s moles on Trixie’s back, like constellations in the sky and Katya wants to kiss each one softly. Katya’s eyes roam the rest of Trixie’s body, the curve of his ribs, the slight muscle of his thighs. When Trixie turns around, he’s biting his bottom lip, the outline of his cock in his boxers.
Katya motions for him to come closer, his own cock hard in its constraints. The bed sinks a little as they climb onto it, their knees touching. Katya’s hand moves to Trixie’s shoulder and trails down his ribcage, and rests on his hip. Looking up, Katya questions with his gaze. Trixie nods, and Katya moves in closer, taking Trixie’s lips in his as his hands glide over the waistband, pulls the boxers down, and takes Trixie’s hard cock in his hand.
It’s heavy in his hand, the veins pulsating beneath his fingertips, the skin soft as he trails a finger tenderly along the length of it. Trixie hisses, his head lulling lightly against Katya’s shoulder, his breath on Katya’s skin. Katya wraps his hand around it, and pumps, softly, letting Trixie thrust into his palm. He stops pumping at the chagrin of Trixie, and bends down, his tongue tracking along the length.
The tip of his tongue pushes gently at the slit, lapping at the bitter bead of precome. Nonsensical words fall from Trixie’s lips as Katya’s mouth sinks down over his cock, and Katya feels Trixie’s fingers wrap themselves around his hair. His touch is gentle, even when Katya moves faster, his cheeks hollowing as he sucks with gusto. Trixie’s thighs begin to shake, and Katya knows he close, so he stops, pulling away and letting Trixie’s cock fall from his mouth.
Trixie looks almost angry, brown eyes dark with lust, lips pulled in a taut, straight line.
“Told you I wouldn’t let you cum right away,” Katya mutters into Trixie’s ear. Trixie groans in both frustration and anticipation. “Lube? Condoms?”
Trixie points to the bedside table placed near the bed, and Katya shuffles over ungracefully on his knees before pulling out the small bottle. Trixie’s palming at himself, hand moving lazily over his cock as he watches Katya. Katya’s own cock almost aches as its pressed against his boxers, a small wet patch against the light fabric.
He makes his way over to Trixie, who lies on his back. Katya moves himself between Trixie’s thighs, his fingers now slick with lube. Trixie’s thighs open almost automatically, his eyes hooded as he watches Katya’s every move. Katya’s finger pushes against Trixie’s hole, and there’s a sharp intake of breath from the other man. Trixie’s hips lift against the movement of Katya’s fingers, and Katya takes that as a sign to add another.
Trixie’s eyes are closed, soft breaths falling from his mouth as he moves his hips. Katya curls his fingers, moving slowly inside. He pulls out slowly and gently before fumbling the condom onto his cock with shaky hands and slicking his cock up with lube. Trixie sits up, kissing Katya quickly before rolling them over so he’s straddling Katya.
Trixie’s thighs are hot and sticky against his own, and he watches with baited breath as Trixie moves and then lowers himself onto Katya’s cock. They both moan at the move, Trixie’s hot and tight against him, every muscle contracting as Trixie rises then sinks down again. Trixie’s hands are pressed against Katya’s chest, using him as leverage as he almost bounces on Katya’s cock.
Katya begins to move, thrusting up as Trixie meets him, his fingers gripping at Trixie’s hips. Trixie’s head lulls backwards as he grinds down, and Katya is gasping for breath as he fucks up into Trixie hard. Trixie takes it, arches into each thrust with a cry and it’s too much. There’s sweat behind his knees as he matches Trixie’s thrusts, and there’s a tightening in his balls as they move with haste.
Trixie’s hand is moving over his own cock, pumping in time with each thrust, his spare hand gripping at Katya’s chest. They’re both close, Trixie’s tightening around him as he cums, and Katya thrusts up one final time, his body going to jelly as he releases into Trixie. They stop, frantic breathes being took as their hearts try to slow down. Trixie falls against Katya’s chest which is heaving as his heart races.
Trixie looks up through his eyelashes, a small, tired smile on his lips. They should shower, shower off the sex and sweat, but for now, a nap. They nap for too long, their bodies still intertwined when the sun sets. An hour later, they’re on Trixie’s couch, watching The Breakfast Club and eating spring rolls. Trixie moves off the couch, and outstretches his hand towards Katya.
They lie in bed again, it’s intimate, and Katya feels warm and secure. Reaching over, Katya grabs her phone, her fingers moving across the screen.
Katya_zamo: I'm going to bed with a smile on my face and it's not just because I peed the bed all sexy it's because I had a wonderful day and I'm happy