Chapter Text
“I’m sure you three can handle it on your own.” They were all compiling their packed bags. Well, all except Erin and Kevin.
“Oh come on Erin, we need you!”
“Yeah, we’ll make a weekend out of it! We can get out of the city, have a little down time. Maybe sign each other up for farmers only. Find me a tall, strong white macadamia nut cookie. MMM!”
“I looked it up and there’s going to be a Jehovah’s witness retreat while we’re there. I don’t have the energy for that. Not after the cult I was raised in.”
“Erin, we’re all in this together. Plus, if you want we can push all their buttons by pretending we’re dating. I would do that for you.” Her eyebrows waggled and her teeth flashed.
“Okay wildcats, break it up. Let the woman breathe. She’s fully capable of making her own decisions.”
Erin offered a thankful look, to which Abby sympathized and rubbed her shoulder. “See guys, Abby gets it!”
“Not that I wouldn’t love for you to come- I would. Plus, you have to stop saying ‘guys’ when you’re addressing us. We’re trying to smash the patriarchy, not make it more subtle.”
She finally agreed to go after Holtz’s puppy dog eyes and Erin’s lack of ability to say no. Also the potential guilt she would have felt if something went wrong was a strong motivating factor.
---
“Holy sweet Jehovah himself--”
For a small town in the middle of Nowheresville, Vermont, there was a herd of people in the lobby.
“You mean Jehovah herself.”
“Are you going to keep doing this?”
“Until you normalize women, yes.”
Holtzmann approached the shared couch with a look somewhere between disappointment and adventure and her arms behind her back.
“What does this mean?” Erin grumbled to the other two, still not thrilled of being in this hotel.
Holtz moved their legs and sat on the coffee table, leaning closer as if she was about to share a secret. “Do you want to play a game?”
“No.” Long car rides were not Patty’s thing, and she wasn’t about to entertain Holtzmann’s scheming.
“Ugh, fine. So obviously it’s packed. They only have three single rooms.” She explained the dilemma as her arms reappeared from behind her holding only three key cards.
“I knew I shouldn’t have come. I refuse to share a bed with Abby because I’m not trying to wake up freezing in the middle of the night.”
“Hey! I don’t consciously steal all the covers and you know that.”
“But you still steal all the covers.”
“Okay, fair.”
“I’ll just sleep in the car. It’s meant for lifeless people like me anyway.”
“Listen, missy. You need to stop wallowing. We’re all here and only for a couple of days. You’re not sleeping in the car.”
“Although, I can say that the coffin stand is like it’s own little elevated princess bed.”
“Please tell me you have not slept in the hearse.”
“...I wouldn’t say slept…” The devious smirk revealed more than anticipated.
“Nope. I’m out. Patty needs a break so I’mma go take a nap. Plus, if I’m gonna steal the innocence of any of these hunks, I’m gonna need some space.” She snatched a key card from Holtzmann’s collection. They knew she was kidding, but nobody was about to challenge her having her own room.
“I mean, Erin won’t share a bed with me. And just being logical, you two are the smallest… so.. Patty, wait up!” She got up, also snatching a card from Holtz, and caught up with Patty, who was waiting at the elevators.
“Funny how that turned out. Looks like you’re my snuggle buddy for the next couple of days.”
Erin’s felt her face heat up. She tried to pass of her flustered response as annoyance of not getting to be alone. But really, she was hopeful that was more of a promise than a joke. It had been a long time since she was physically comforted by someone. And as much as she didn’t want to admit craving that, she did.
---
The front desk had asked them to please wait to deal with any paranormal until the retreat began. As much as they were concerned about ghosts messing with their guests, they were also concerned about getting bad reviews from all the witnesses. Jehovah forbid banishing the paranormal with science -- only Jehovah himself could do something at that level of spiritual warfare.
“Well we haven’t heard from Abby or Patty, do you think we should call their rooms?”
“Mmmm, as much as I would like to say yes, I don’t want to provoke the wrath within that comes with awaking them. WHO DARES DISTURB MY SLUMBER?”
The look Erin returned was an accurate representation of her approaching being hangry.
“Aladdin? The cave of wonders? No? Oh Erin. Okay, we can get it on demand after we get some food in you.”
Erin was a little nervous for the night of one-on-one time with Holtz. Since the group united, they hardly did anything without all of them- or at least three of them (when Holtz abandoned them for the hidden treasures of NY dumpsters). She couldn’t help but wonder if this is what a romantic getaway weekend would be like with her. Dinner, a movie, potential snuggles and avoiding the outside world...
Her thoughts were interrupted and shaken from her head when she noticed Holtz staring at her as she fastened her shoes. The awe gleaming from her eyes was just a projection of the thoughts she was having- it was just what Erin was seeing, not reality. Right?
Nope. Holtz was overjoyed at this opportunity. Erin tried so hard to avoid being read by anyone. Not that she succeeded in this venture, but she sure tried. Holtzmann was going to charm Erin into trusting her and maybe opening up to her. She was going to show her what a date with Holtzmann is like, even if it was just for tonight.
---
“So...uh, how’s the whatever-you’re-working-on coming?”
“My dystrophy distributor? Or the bear trap?”
“The first one, I don’t think I’ve heard anything about that one.”
“Okay! So. I was inspired for this idea when I was getting take out from this restaurant a couple weeks ago and they couldn’t get their TV to connect to the cable. The screen was just static. AND THEN I remembered that the reason that happens is--”
“Leftovers from the big bang!!”
“Exactly!”
“Holtz you’re brilliant!”
“Um, excuse me ladies,” A young woman approached their table and sat down, accepting an unoffered invitation.
“Hey there, what’s up?” Holtz was immediately worried this woman was seeking refuge with them, until she glanced back at a table of men who smiled and gave her a thumbs up.
“Well, I’m nervous, if you can’t tell. This is my initiation weekend, and I was just coming over to ask if you had a few minutes.”
“Uh, sure, I guess.” They had already finished their meals and were just hanging out, finishing their drinks.
“Have you heard of our Lord and Saviour?”
“Ellen?”
“Um, what? I’m talking about our Lord and Saviour Jehovah.”
“Gekova?”
“Jehovah.”
“Oh I guess not. Enlighten me, please.” Erin could not believe this woman’s naivety with Holtzmann straight up lying to her face.
The shock on her face was eased as Holtz threw a wink her way, unnoticed by the recent addition to their table.
“I can’t really say I’m surprised you haven’t heard of Him, hearing you talk so openly about the ‘big bang,’” she said with air quotes, “as I overheard. I really don’t mean to eavesdrop, but I think it’s important you get the same chance at peace and happiness as I do.”
“What can I say, I’m a slut for science. But sure thing, sweetheart. I’d love to hear your secret to life.”
The conversation continued to be a balance of committed ignorance and committed ignorance with wit. Holtz interjected comments like, “OH MY JEEBUS, HOW’D HE DO THAT? I wonder if he had the same book on witchcraft that I checked out last week. Although, he must have been an incredible prodigy, the stuff you’re talking about is in volume 6, chapter 5. Wait, no. Chapter 6. Section 6. Yeah, that sounds right. I remember it was 666 because that is the golden number. How did he get away with that though?? That’s sexism at it’s finest. Women witches were burned at the stake!!”
The poor woman hardly knew how to respond to such remarks. She struggled to explain that Jehovah also endured a horrendous death. Holtzmann almost felt bad for provoking her discomfort. Almost. But she figured humoring Erin was worth that expense.
The woman was about to withdraw back to her comfort zone, but Holtz wasn’t quite ready to call it quits.
“Wait! Because you’ve offered so much of your own insight with us, I’d love to share more about my own Gecolba.”
“Thank you, but I’m comfortable with my Jehovah.”
“Oh come on, we just heard all about yours, and mine has so many of those qualities. Maybe even more.”
The woman hesitated, failed at inconspicuously glancing back at her table of men, but ended up sitting back down.
“I’ll even buy you a drink; you’re cute.”
“I don’t believe in poisoning myself, no thank you.”
“Fair enough, I will respect your no. However, I am going to continue to poison myself, hopefully that’s okay.” She flagged down their waiter and ordered another for herself and Erin.
“So, my God of Gods is generous and kind, funny and charming, understanding and accepting… really everything you could want in a leader. Really gets the human experience thing because of the experience they’ve endured. And get this, when you join her, you get a free toaster oven!!”
“One shall not be bribed with the materials of the earth. You can serve Jehovah or you can serve money, but you cannot serve both.”
“Money is necessary to stay alive, and with the amount that Ellen has, she has an abundance to support those that don’t have the same opportunities. Plus, I’m not sure if you heard me but FREE TOASTER OVEN.”
“Jehovah could not be a woman. Women are the submissive sex, and that is the way it should be.”
“Oh, but that doesn’t matter for Ellen. She’s married to a woman and they have abounding levels of mutual respect and affection for one another.”
“I think I’m done here.”
“Sure thing pretty lady. If you change your mind, I’m still down to buy you a drink!” She raised her glass as the woman scurried away.
Erin’s jaw was on the table. “I cannot believe you. How did you…? Your composure… under pressure was astounding.”
“Thanks babe.” She made sure to emphasize her words, loudly enough to be overheard. She lowered her voice before she continued to speak, “We probably should have expected that eating in the hotel restaurant. Let’s get out of here. One more drink?”
“Sure! That sounds great.”
Erin pulled out her phone and found a small bar a few blocks away known for their trivia nights and dart competitions.
They were almost there when the flashing lights across the street caught Holtzmann’s eye.
“Change of plans, we’re going there!” She grabbed Erin’s hand and charged towards the potential strip club? Gay bar? Hard to tell.
“I don’t know Holtz, it looks like a lot to handle. Plus, I doubt they’d let an old lady like me in there.”
“It does look like a lot to handle, you’re right. And for the record, they would be lucky to have someone as distinguished and hot as you in there.”
“Well thanks, Holtz.”
They weren’t expecting a live band to get there a half hour they did, but that’s what happened. Erin also wasn’t expecting Holtz to get her out of her seat to dance. But she did. And she led her effortlessly, bouncing them around the dance floor, having to hold her close because of how packed it was on that Friday night. Close enough to feel her, but still not close enough.
---
“Thanks Holtz. For tonight. I had a lot of fun, but damn now I’m tired. Keeping up with you dancing is… a challenge I wasn’t anticipating this weekend.”
They were laying on their backs on different corners of the bed. Holtz rolled over and touched Erin’s arm. It was the softest of touches, but suddenly Erin was very aware at how much energy she all of the sudden had pumping through her veins. “Any time, Erin. I had fun tonight too.”
Breaking the intimacy of the moment, Erin got up and made her way to the bathroom to wash her makeup off and brush her teeth. When she returned, Holtz was rolled into the fetal position on top of the covers, looking as if she was struggling to stay warm.
Erin placed a hand on her back, “Holtz, honey. You should brush your teeth before you fall asleep.” Her cover of faking being asleep was quickly lost as she couldn’t help the grin that spread across her face.
Holtz reluctantly got up and properly got ready for bed only to rejoin Erin under the covers a few minutes later, making sure to leave space between them which was challenge in itself with a bed that small.
Erin flipped off the lamp and set her book on the nightstand, sinking down into the bed to Holtz’s level.
“Excuse me,” the angst in her voice was not something the gay woman had prepared for.
Holtz sat up, obviously concerned. “What? What is it?”
“I believe you promised snuggles earlier.”
Holtz’s teeth shined from her smile, even in the dim room. “As you wish.” She scooched closer until the front of her body was touching the back of the taller woman. “How’s that?”
The way Holtz had whispered her question so softly and warmly against the back of Erin’s neck made Erin know she was going to have to pretend to fall asleep.
“Mhmm.”
“Goodnight, Er.”
Initially, the plan was to get really close as part of the running joke for just a few minutes, then go back to sleeping on her own side of the bed. That plan however, was quickly disregarded as Holtz knew this might be all she ever got with Erin, and she was NOT about to brush that off.
---
“Well aren’t you bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.”
“Yeah, what’d y’all do last night?”
The conference for the witnesses began at 10:30, so they decided to meet for breakfast, well brunch, at 11. Erin and Holtz had decided to come down right at 10:30 to get a cup of coffee before the others joined.
Interestingly enough, they ran into the woman who tried to recruit them the previous night. As soon as Holtz recognized her from a distance, she put her arm around the back of Erin’s waist. She decided to throw a wink at the woman as they passed her, for good measure.
“We had a lot of fun last night! Almost joined the conference today and then went dancing.”
“Plus, we already have a couple cups of coffee in us.”
Patty and Abby glanced at each other then back at the other two, obviously wondering if that was all that happened last night.
“Well I’m glad you two had a good time. I on the other hand got a TON of sleep. These beds were hand woven by Jehovah himself.”
“HERSELF. Come on Abby, you gotta play by your own rules!”
“Damnit! You caught me. Thanks for calling me out on that.”
“But yeah, holy shit are these beds comfortable!” Holtz’s eyes and smile were both radiating. She tried to read Erin’s body language in response to her comment. It was pretty closed off and her eyes hadn’t moved from the parfait staring back at her.
“Yeah, it was okay, I guess.”
---
Erin made a point to distance herself from Holtzmann for the rest of the day. When they were checking out the haunted hallways, the basement, and even the storage closets.
“Would you loosen up?”
“Excuse me?”
“Erin, ever since we called you and Holtz out for having fun together you’ve been giving her the cold shoulder. She did nothing wrong. You did nothing wrong.”
“I never said we did anything wrong! Or anything at all!”
“I didn’t claim you did. But even if something did happen, that would be fine. You know that, right?”
“Nothing happened!”
“Okay, then even more the reason to knock off that attitude.”
“You’re right, Abby. I’m sorry. I’ve just been… trying to figure it out.”
“I know, and you don’t have to have it all figured out right now. We’re here for you wherever you are and whenever you need us. I appreciate your apology, but I’m not the one who needs it. Talk to her, please?”
She sighed a heavy sigh. “Thanks Abby. I just feel like I’m not--” she was interrupted by a loud crash, followed by the strong smell of sulfur.
A few seconds later they heard Patty shriek, “GET OFF OF MY FRIEND YOU HELLION.”
“Fuck!”
They arrived to see Patty wrestling with a very slimy, slug-like entity in her proton stream. Abby’s stream quickly joined and Erin practically fell to the ground where Holtzmann was lying. She had her hands on Holtz’s waist and was rocking her back and forth, trying to get her consciousness to return.
Her bright blue eyes peaked open, to be accompanied by a look of relief and a smile. Both were soon replaced with a look of anxiousness and guilt. She got up, scrambling away from Erin, who was teary-eyed at this point, to join the other busters in tackling the monster who tried to consume her.
After this one was taken care of, they agreed to go back to their rooms, shower, and possibly meet up for dinner. As exhausting as busting was, it wasn’t uncommon for them to not have an appetite afterwards. An appetite for sleep maybe, but not necessarily food.
---
Holtz insisted that Erin shower first, even though she had somehow avoided the slime this time. She figured Erin would shower quick and then she wouldn’t feel bad about making her wait while she shampood herself 8 times in a row.
They had just swapped their claim of the bathroom and knowing how disgusting the slime feels as it dries, Erin had no doubt Holtz was already mid second shampoo. She decided to just sneak back into the bathroom to get her watch off the counter. After wearing it regularly for so many years, she felt naked without it.
She was so focused on getting the door open quietly that by the time she stepped inside and looked to the counter, the sight in front of her left her paralyzed.
Holtz was standing in front of the mirror wearing only her sports bra. Her hair was down, and messy. It looked as if it had been handled- and rough. Her left hand was firmly palming the counter, obviously stabilizing her body because her legs were unable to offer the support they normally do.
Her right hand was down the front of her rocking back and forth. Their eyes locked just below the line of steam in the mirror. Holtz’s cheeks were pink and it was clear she wasn’t entirely grounded in her senses. But making eye contact with the person of her body’s desire was enough to tip her right off the edge.
“Erin,” she half whispered, half groaned. Erin basically fell backwards out of the bathroom, slamming the door shut as she did.
She grabbed her phone and a pair of shoes and practically ran out the door.