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"how bad is it?"
"well," shuri says, "it is pretty terrible."
steve sighs, burying his face into his hands. they haven't stopped trembling in a while. ever since bucky—
steve tears up again and refuses to think about it. he's not dead. he's not dead. neither is sam, or wanda, there's no way they're dead—
"i estimate about half the world's population has decreased." her words are final, and she seems as determined and strong as ever, but she can see the way her lower lip quivers. "we failed, captain rogers."
"you can't do anything," steve says. it's not a question, but still he looks at shuri with a sliver of hope.
she shakes her head. "i can do many things. but bringing back the dead is not possible."
he slumps on the counter and hides his sobbing as best as he can.
thor takes a moment from the meeting (always talking, always planning for what would happen next, their next move) to mourn.
it's quiet. no one comes and bothers him, except bruce, who lingers around in silence and lets him say his prayers.
every time he closes his eyes he sees it; the massacre. bodies scattered on the ground. his brother choking to death on the mad titan's grip.
"loki," he whispers, voice choked. the calm look on his expression fades as his face crumbles. "norns, loki."
he weeps. and in the silence, he feels bruce's gentle hand on his back, going back and forth over his cape.
he didn't even get a proper funeral, thor thinks.
a stranger arrives on quill's spaceship. he's being pulled out of it by gamora's sister; he's in shock, tears running down his face. he's bleeding from his stomach and his hands are stained red. no one else comes out of the ship.
when rocket asks about quill, gamora, drax, hell even mantis; all he gets is a headshake and tears.
"they didn't make it," she says, after she's handed the broken man to thor's friends. he doesn't believe her words until that night, when he goes to sleep and all he can think about is the shadow over nebula's eyes.
he cries. but there's no twig left to replant, no friends left to play music. no family left.
if this how thor felt, he regrets ever being such a douchebag to him.
when tony finally comes to his senses, thor's there. and bruce. nat is hanging out by his bedroom's door. they all speak softly to him and tiptoe around him, like they're terrified they'll break him. funny; he's already been shattered to a million pieces and it's not even friday yet.
he doesn't want to believe it happened. none of it. not the doctor, not the guardians, god, not peter, how is he gonna face his aunt? that's on him, his blood is on his hands, and he can't clean it off—
and then it hits him. pierces through him like the blade that almost killed him.
it's just been a week. but pepper hasn't come see him yet.
"is pepper okay?," he chokes out. he already knows the answer, but he doesn't want to think it could even remotely be true. "where is she?"
rhodey, sitting by his bedside, doesn't reply.
"she's gone, tony," nat says. she doesn't look him in the eyes.
he looks at her for a moment. then, at rhodey. he hears someone scream and he wants to help, to provide the rescue he couldn't give himself, or pep, or pete, but—
his throat is raw and his tears can't wash off the blood on his hands, either.
natasha dials clint's phone. it's laura who picks up.
"nat, what's going on? clint— clint just vanished with nathaniel, i—"
nat closes her eyes. "i'm sorry."
she is sorry. she should've been strong enough— she could have saved him. saved everyone. sam, bucky, everyone.
"i'm so sorry," she says again, and falls to the floor.
there's no body left to bury. she grieves in silence; there's no time for tears.
"hey," steve says, voice frail. he's standing on the doorframe, and tony looks at him with tired eyes.
"hey."
steve doesn't close the door. he knows, despite it all, rhodey won't just let him be alone with tony anymore. not after siberia. he sits on the chair next to his bed and speaks.
"i'm so—"
"i'm sorry," tony interrupts him. he sounds just as tired as he does. he's still recovering from his wounds, but he doesn't think that's it.
"why are you apologizing?" steve shakes his head. "if we hadn't fought, the avengers wouldn't have split up. we needed to stick together to beat him."
"no." tony shakes his head, staring into the void. "we would have all ended up dead."
silence. then: "we're idiots. always were. we should have listened to you."
"i know." tony doesn't seem to realize he's crying. he must be used to it by now. "he knew who i was. i kinda threw a nuke at his face."
"that's what he gets for being a jerk." he wipes at his eyes with his thumb before he starts crying too.
"i'm going to kill him," tony says. "i'm going to fucking murder his purple ass."
steve looks at him. his eyes aren't cloudy by painkillers, instead shining with rage and determination.
he thinks of bucky and sam. he understands. he feels the same way about them that tony feels about peter and pepper.
he finally understands.
"yeah, well," steve says, "that bastard's gonna wish he were dead when we get to him."
in the end, almost everyone agrees.
natasha holds herself tall as she discusses past strategies with okoye and nebula. princes—queen shuri arrives at the meeting followed by m'baku; she immediately starts adjusting the data displayed on the telegraphic map.
tony and steve are there, already talking bruce through their plan. they have to ensure, first, that the earth is stable enough. that it won't collapse while they're gone. thor already has thanos' location; nebula got it after weeks of scouring the galaxies. with the stormbreaker, they can get there easily. rhodey and rocket agree, too.
they couldn't save them, but damn them if they won't avenge their friends.