Chapter Text
“So you’re telling me its better if I just-“ He is desperate, his eyes give out for a few seconds; he just needs to rest, Seokjin just nods.
“Yeah, rewrite the whole thing please, Joon.” He says determinedly as he stands up, taking his bag with him, he feels every fiber in his body extend and tense. He really doesn’t wanna do that, he hasn’t been sleeping too much and his pills are running out, and perhaps there’s a stack of unreviewed, scribbled and half-assed notes on his desk.
“I can’t,” he says flatly and defeated. He feels pathetic. Jin snorts, the bastard.
“You can and will, cause I’m your boss. And I’m telling you.” Jin sighs and looks at him; Namjoon hates it when people pity him, but he’ll let it pass, only because it’s Seokjin and he does feel miserable and maybe he always makes him feel better. “Did you think I drove here 20 minutes to see you mop around?”
“I don’t know, did you?”
“Joon, talk to me”
He can’t. It’s too heavy to be put out there. He has feel it crawl its way to Namjoons mouth too many times, and now Jin wants him to let it out, but he doesn’t know what to do with it, doesn’t want to deal with it.
“You don’t have to, but I think you should. Hasn’t Jimin come around to see you?” He feels like a child when he shakes his head. “Have you called him?”
“No, said he’s busy in America or something” he shrugs and Jin nods, walking towards the door so Namjoon forces his feet to drag into the living room, he knows he won’t be seeing him for at least a week, so he needs to say goodbye to him.
“Joonie, you need to understand there’s nothing wrong with how you feel” There is “if you want to make things better with Hoseokie, talk to him. Don’t just push him away.”
Namjoon nods and promises Jin to make things better, as if it weren’t the same thing he's told himself every morning for the past two weeks.
☼
“Pretty decent,” says Hoseok from the other end of the table, scanning the paper just one last time before he puts it down slowly.
“Is it?” the other nods and smiles just so softly.
“Yeah, as always. You just had too much on your plate.” Namjoon stomach flips, he feels his hand press harder against his thighs, he’s gonna do this, he promised Jin.
“Right, about that” he sighs “I’m sorry” it comes off more like a question, he can’t help feel silly about this, but its Hoseok and he needs to do this right “No”
“No?” Hoseok is now staring at him, the task at hand growing harder by second.
“I mean,” he nods “It’s not a question, that I feel sorry. Hoseok I’m sorry, I know I was a dick to you, and it wasn’t your fault. It was all on me and I’m sorry I laid everything on you.” It’s hard to hold Hoseok stare, it never gives anything away and when he wants to he can look terrifying as fuck; he’ll never forget when he jokingly said to Jimin Taehyung had a crush on someone else. Now Hoseok looks as if he could use a couple of hours to rest, as if he were more exhausted than the usual.
“Why did you ignore me? I felt so bad, we we’re just fine and you” Hoseok doesn’t finish; he has a sour expression on his face. “You suddenly cut me off. We live together” it strucks Namjoon; that maybe he and Hoseok have been doing everything couples do, hell they might even love each other like couples that live together do, “It was so obvious you were avoiding me I felt awkward and just sad.”
“I’m sorry, Hobi.” Then there’s the silence; Namjoon will always hate it, it doesn’t feel right now, it feels like if something heavy and big and scary is lingering between them.
“Would it be different if…”
Hoseok doesn’t finish the sentence. Namjoon wants to tell him that no, nothing would be different, he would still love him with every little cell he has but he can’t find it in himself to lie to him, at least not now. It would be different, it would be so much different but the result would be the same; he would still love him.
“I would still like you” he blurts out, Hoseok maybe perks up a little.
“You would?” Hoseoks high blush makes Namjoon head feel kinda dizzy, too much lost too.
“So much,” Hoseok smiles and it makes Namjoon feel like he hasn’t in what feels years, a little restless, so much happier.