Work Text:
Taehyung put on his leather jacket, feeling strangely heavy as he lugged his tired body across the hallway. Setting a beanie carefully on his head, he walks out in the dead of night. It was 3.30am, he hadn’t much to do, and he felt alone -- so, so alone.
The feeling of darkness that enveloped him gave him an eerie sense of familiarity. Not that he was scared of much to begin with, but suddenly being in complete darkness, with only the moon and dim street lights to lead the way, he felt completely unfazed. When something deep within you feels way too familiar in real life, when something that used to once frighten him (the dark) leaves no trace of fear but instead a casual closeness, it tells you you’re definitely not okay.
And so Taehyung took his stroll to the park, with the late night breeze brushing across his face, sending slight chills down his body. As he trudged slowly towards the benches he had told Jimin to meet him at, he felt the heaviness in his heart grow.
He dropped himself down onto the bench and sighed as he looked up at the night sky. There weren’t that many stars out tonight, great, he thinks, just another thing that doesn’t wanna go right for me. Taehyung hadn’t been having the best of times -- no, to be put more accurately, he was having the worst time of his life. He was busy with filming, with acting, with the tour, and he’d been having so much trouble with his family. He was completely unfocused, he was messing up his steps, his voice wasn’t as good and he felt like his Seoul dialect wasn’t up to par. He felt inadequate. So, so inadequate. And it was eating him up from the inside, slowly pulling him into a previously-covered hole of depression and self-loathing. He didn’t want to feel so insecure, he didn’t want to feel anxious, he didn’t want to feel so overwhelmed, but yet here he was, getting screamed at during rehearsals for getting things wrong and not being able to hit his high notes, or not having his emotions on point. He could only curse softly under his breath as he pushed these feelings deeper and deeper inside of him. And he didn’t want to tell anyone. He was strong enough, wasn’t he? It’s all his fault anyway, isn’t it?
That was, until Jimin saw him quietly sobbing in the bathroom at the dorm.
...
“Taehyungie?” He hears Jimin say after a couple of knocks.
He sniffs and wipes away his tears.
“Yes?”
“Can I come in?”
He didn’t actually say yes, but Jimin forces the door open anyway. Jimin looks at Taehyung with his sad, puppy dog eyes, scanning every inch of his face -- the swollen eyes, red nose and puffy lips.
But Jimin doesn’t say anything. Instead he goes up to Taehyung and hugs him until he stops crying.
...
Jimin had texted Taehyung late at night, telling him to meet him at 4am since he was having drinks out with his friends. So there Taehyung was, at a park bench, feeling the cold air of the incoming dawn and waiting for Jimin. At 4 o’clock.
Taehyung had been lost in his thoughts of anxiousness as he examined the navy blue sky. An odd silence filled the air until he heard someone call his name.
“Tae-tae!”
He looked up to see Jimin, a very red-faced Jimin actually, running towards him in a yellow checkered shirt and jeans, sporting his new black shoes.
Taehyung smiles faintly before asking, “Jimin, are you drunk?”
“No!” He replies as he takes a seat before Taehyung, breathing pretty heavily in fact, “I ran all the way here. I ran so much I think the alcohol in my body disappeared.”
“No, I think you ran here because the alcohol gave you enough adrenaline to do so.”
Jimin rolls his eyes before taking a deep breath and then exhaling heavily before laying his head delicately on Taehyung’s shoulders. Taehyung cozies up to the weight on his shoulder, feeling Jimin’s warmth on his neck. It’s enough to make him smile.
They sit there for a good 20 minutes, in comfortable silence, soaking in a morning dew and watching the sky turn different shades of blue as the sun slowly makes its appearance.
“Taehyung-ah”, Jimin questions, breaking the stillness of the moment, “Do you trust me?”
A confused Taehyung scrunches up his eyebrows, “Of course I do.”
“Then why do you not tell me what’s on your mind?”
Taehyung gulps, “what do you mean?”
Jimin lifts his head off Taehyung’s shoulders and looks deep into his eyes. “I know something’s bothering you. You have a lot on your mind, don’t you?”
There’s something about Jimin’s eyes that makes Taehyung want to confess his entire life story to him. An innocent, doe-eyed look filled with concerned and packed with a lot of care and reliability. A stare that even makes his heart flutter if he had to be honest. He looks away, but Jimin’s stare doesn’t budge. Suddenly, he feels the tears form in his eyes, threatening to fall with his next blink. Fuck.
Next thing he knows, he’s full-on crying. Tears continuously streaming down his smooth cheeks, the taste of saltiness on his lips and his tongue. He cries. He cries a lot. Jimin just holds him, closing his own eyes as he wishes Tae would just tell him what’s wrong.
“I’m-I’m so tired.” Taehyung manages between sobs.
“Mmhmm,” Jimin coos.
“There’s so much to do and I’m doing none of them right. Everything is going wrong, Jimin. I suck at everything.”
“You know you’re not, you’re amazing at--”
“No!” Taehyung shouts, “No, no, no, no, NO.”
He angrily wipes his tears and glares at Jimin. “I don’t need that bullshit encouragement okay, I’m a mess, just tell me I’m a mess because I’m a fucking idiot that got overwhelmed by everything. I’m just a loser who can’t handle work.”
Jimin doesn’t say anything. He just keeps looking at Taehyung.
“Say it!” Tae urges.
Jimin doesn’t move.
Taehyung shakes Jimin violently, “Say it! Say I’m a fucking loser!”
“I can’t lie to you.”
Taehyung blinks at Jimin in disbelief. “I am!” He keeps yelling through his tears which were still falling freely down his face. “I’m a loser, I can’t do anything right! My family hates me, the staff probably hate me, the members are probably annoyed with me, I hate myself and you--you probably hate me too.”
“No,” Jimin says slowly, “I love you.”
“No you don’t,” Tae shakes his head, “you think I’m a loser too. You’re saying that because you’re my best friend.”
“I’m your best friend, and I absolutely believe you’re amazing at everything you do and you have so much more to offer.”
Jimin lets the words sinks in. He can see Taehyung digesting each word, taking in as much as he can believe. Taehyung doesn’t look up, but Jimin continues anyway.
“I mean it, Tae. I’m not lying.”
“I don’t know, Jiminie. It’s kinda hard to believe these things when I look at myself and see nothing but a failure.”
“You’re just stressed out,” Jimin says softly as he strokes Taehyung’s hair, “you’ve got a lot on your plate. And you’ve been bottling it up. Let me help you, please. Let the boys help you too.”
The tears finally stop falling, but Tae is still sniffing. “I-I don’t know how.”
“We’ll take it one step at a time, okay?”
He pulls Taehyung onto his chest and cradles his face, “Hobi and I can help you with choreography and Namjoon or Jin-hyung can help you with your Seoul accent. Jungkookie can help you with your vocals too. Yoongi or Namjoon can help you with your song if you like, they helped me with mine.” He pauses. “But most importantly, just tell me when you need some help. Even if you think I can’t help you, I’ll always try my best, Tae.”
Tae’s heart suddenly feels a a pang of guilt. “I’m really worrying you guys, aren’t I?”
Jimin nods and Taehyung feels it against his head. “We are, and we’re always here to support you, okay?”
“It’s just hard sometimes.”
“It’s alright.” Jimin cups Taehyung’s hand that has fallen onto his lap.
Taehyung looks up at Jimin and observes his face. And Jimin too, turns to look directly, but softly still, into Taehyung’s eyes. In that moment Tae feels gratefulness, and something more. “I’ll try.” He tries to push away these strange thoughts about Jimin that are coming back. “Thank you, Jimin.”
“It’s no problem. I’m always here for you. I love you, Tae-Tae.” Jimin smiles sweetly. It melts Taehyung’s heart.
“I love you, too.” He replies. He really, really means it. The feeling he’s been burying for months are surfacing again. Feelings of admiration and affection that have turned into love for his best friend. But he decides not to say or do anything more -- he supposes he has enough on his plate for now. He’ll deal with what he has to first. But he really does love Jimin a lot.
He looks at the dawn approaching, as the blue light disappears and is replaced by a soft pink sky.
“I really love you, Jimin.” He says again. It’s okay because Jimin doesn’t catch his drift. “We should get going.”
“Yep.”
Jimin stands up and offers his hand to pull Taehyung up. Taehyung takes Jimin’s small, soft hands and he holds them subtly as they walk back to their house, talking about frivolous things that put Taehyung’s mind at ease. For once in a long time, he finally feels relaxed.
I really do love him. Taehyung thinks in his heart, as he smiles all the way home. Happy. For now at least.