Chapter Text
Bellatrix Black woke with a start, screaming and sweating as the final forms of her dream scraped across her vision; settling on one which was at once the easiest, and the most difficult to stomach.
“Just like every other morning” she breathed as the last image dissipated from her mind’s eye.
Stretching out on the cot-like bed, she took a minute to collect herself, before swinging her legs over the edge and pressing her feet to the floor, pushing herself away from the bed as a means to force herself upwards.
She ambled across the floor of her humble tent, wiping sleep from her eyes as her bare feet padded through the room.
Bella Black, in a tent, in a muggle tent, in the middle of a bloody forest. I do hope mother is positively spinning in her grave. She chuckled to herself as she reached the small fire pit, and hung the simple camping kettle on the hook suspended over the flame.
Bellatrix Black was on a mission, as it happened. More surprising than her current living arrangements, was the purpose of the self-imposed mission. Bellatrix sought redemption, and peace.
It had begun many months ago, the mission. She had spent each night with little sleep, unable to rest with the tormented faces of her former prisoners, interrogation subjects and murder victims screaming at her in her mind. She had tried to push the feeling away, the guilt. But it was no use, she was utterly useless against the debilitating feeling that clenched at her chest and tore through her soul. Bellatrix had never been insane, that was merely an act to keep people scared, but she was definitely getting there. The tears and pleas of her victims was destroying her mind, and she desperately wanted to end their suffering. So she decided to try something, ANYTHING to give them the peace they deserved.
She began with her first real victims; the Longbottom’s. Alice and Frank Longbottom’s current situation had actually been an accident. Bella was still learning the Cruciatus curse, and had failed to control it correctly in her first real-world use of the spell, which resulted in the insanity that had ensured the couple a one-way ticket to St Mungo’s.
After nearly two years of research, she had finally developed a way to return the couple to their former selves, and had developed a strategy for entering the hospital and administering the treatment without being detected. Immediately after word got out that the Ministry of Magic would cease their hunt for Death Eaters that had escaped after the war, she made her move.
Silently stalking through the halls of St Mungo’s psychiatric wing, she quickly found the couple, both rocking back and forward and mumbling in their separate, but connected cells. Carefully, she opened Frank’s cell, and silently cast a silencing spell over the man, before gently levitating him into Alice” cell, and silencing her to be doubly safe. She pondered the order of things before making her decision; she would apparate first, and cast the healing spell second. She gently rested a hand on each of the Longbottom’s shoulders and apparated away; arriving soon after in a cottage on the outskirts of a lovely little fishing town she’d discovered when reading through some useless muggle travel guide during her exile. She had made sure to change her money to muggle currency before putting her escape plan into play during the war, and had already purchased the small, but comfortable cottage for this exact purpose.
Soon after their arrival in the cottage, Bella set about mending the minds of the Longbottom couple. And to her own relief, it worked. Frank and Alice Longbottom stared at her, wide-eyed and unmoving; for about two seconds, before - Bella assumed, as they were still under the effects of the silencing charm - screaming bloody murder at her. Ever thankful for her strategic mind, Bella took a second to pat herself on the back for ensuring that she had hidden the couple’s wands away before healing the damage to their minds. She knew that they would need to calm down before they would even give her the chance to speak, so she busied herself with menial tasks while she waited for the couple to wear themselves out. Once again congratulating her own wonderful mind, she deigned fit to perform said menial tasks, without the aid of magic, instead, lighting the fire by hand, boiling a kettle the muggle way, and even drinking a cup of muggle tea. She was cleaning her teacup (the muggle way) when she noticed the distinct feeling of being watched. Turning to greet the piercing eyes, she smiled sheepishly and motioned for the couple to sit at the dining room table, as she took a seat herself. The Longbottom couple cautiously took their seats and eyed the woman wearily. Satisfied that the couple would at least give her a chance to talk, Bellatrix began the task that terrified her more than anything else; apologizing to people she had so terribly hurt.
“Thank you, for giving me this small opportunity to say my piece. I can fully understand how this whole situation would be terrifying, and painful for you, so I hope that I can get this right, and maybe afford us all a small bit of peace.” She took a second to gauge the couple’s reaction before pressing on.
“It probably won’t mean much, well it probably won’t mean anything to you if we’re completely honest, but I must sincerely apologize for what I did to you. I destroyed your minds and took away your son’s chance at growing up with his parents. I hurt you both and in a way that was probably worse than if I had of just used the killing curse. I have no excuses, nor am I going to try to justify my actions, I was a monster, an animal, and I am desperately trying to rectify that now. I know that you both probably want to return the favor, and curse me into complete oblivion, and I can’t tell you that I wouldn’t welcome it if you did; but I must ask you to refrain. I have many other sins to atone for, and I would like to have the opportunity to do that for everyone that I have wronged. I hope from the bottom of my heart, that you can accept my apology, not necessarily forgive, as I would never forgive someone who had done the same to me, but at least accept, and allow me to continue on my journey to find redemption, and hopefully give some lost souls some closure.” She finished with tears streaming down her face, and watched the couple as they sat with mouths hung low and surprise in their eyes.
Alice Longbottom was the first to make a move, gesturing with her hand that she wished to have the charm removed. With a quick finite incantatum, the charm was dissolved and Alice took a stabilizing breath.
“You, were definitely a monster, Bellatrix.” She began, cautiously eyeing the dark witch to be sure she wouldn’t raise her wand. Bella merely hung her head, and nodded slightly as Alice continued.
“You destroyed our lives, our son’s life, and gods know how many others as well. And you are right, I desperately want to curse you into insanity, I most assuredly want you to hurt for what you have done, but I am not like you, so I will not. I will accept your apology, but I will never forgive you for what you have done to us, to our family. “She raised her chin high and proud and she finished her miniature tirade. Bellatrix nodded once more, and retrieved the couple’s wands from within the bodice of her dress, handing them over fearlessly, as she raised her own proud chin, and quickly apparated out of the cottage before Alice changed her mind.
The night that she returned sanity to the Longbottom’s, she managed to get some sleep, quickly noting as she woke the next morning, that their faces had been missing from the seemingly unending gallery of people she had destroyed somehow or another.
That’s how I knew that this was the right thing to do she mused as she idly circled the rim of her cup with a finger.
Taking a moment to finish her tea, Bella went to retrieve the map she had brought along. She had spent many weeks researching the locations of the graves of her victims, and the map held the locations of all but one.
“Sirius” she whispered, as a tear rolled down her cheek.
She had visited quite a few of the graves already, placing flowers and performing a task that no one - even Dumbledore - knew was possible; releasing the trapped souls from her wand. As with the Longbottom situation, Bella had developed the spell especially for this task, taking many months to perfect it before taking it out into the world.
The graves before her were somewhat daunting, hard and cold. She stood before one, the name and epitaph standing out in bold gold script against the grey stone. She carefully placed the roses at the base of the tombstone, quietly whispering words of respect and apology. She stood to center herself and raised her wand to shoulder height above the grave. Steeling herself for what she already knew would be a rather tiring spell, she began. Curling her wand gracefully through the air, she focused on the face of the one she sought to release, and uttered the words “excoquam ad animam”. She felt the spell surge through her, and watched as the greenish smoke began to surge from the tip of her wand. Within moments, a man stood before her, his gentle face smiling at her. She was taken aback at first, and utterly gob smacked when he began to speak.
“You are seeking your peace and redemption, and you will find it if you continue on this path. Know that I forgive you your sins, and I wish you all luck on your endeavor to better yourself. Thank you, Bellatrix Black” with that, the smoky soul began to stretch languidly toward the heavens, and within moments, had disappeared.
Tears streamed easily as Bellatrix fell to the ground, exhausted. She had never expected there to be an exchange beyond the release of the soul, and it had rocked her to her core.
Once home from the first successful release, she fell into bed and slept fitfully, noting the next morning that the young man’s face was no longer present in her morbid picture show.
That had been months ago now, and since then she had all but completely purged her wand and soul of her former life. Now however, she was dreading the final steps that would have her cleansed of her past. An image of Sirius flashed before her eyes, forcing her to think about what was next.
Bella was painfully aware of the fact that she had denied Sirius an honorable burial, leaving only a memory to place in the ground. It had taken her most of her journey to strengthen her resolve enough to even consider the right path regarding her cousin’s soul. Eventually, she had decided that, in lieu of a grave, she would try to give both Sirius and the Potter boy the closure they deserved, aiming for the spell to be so focused and pure that the two could say their goodbyes properly. The main issue was how to get Potter to remain calm long enough for her to do the spell.
She knew, long ago, that she wanted the final release of her cousin’s soul to be beatific, sweet and meaningful. That led to the issue of that final image in her mental picture book. The bittersweet one that had inexplicably and irrevocably changed her.
“Mud-” she caught herself, and cursed her upbringing for fostering such ridiculously bigoted and judgmental notions.
“Hermione” she whispered into the air, reverence and care lacing her voice, and caressing the young muggle-born’s name.
She knew that the young witch that had changed her entire life was incredibly powerful, and no doubt intelligent enough to be able to help her achieve her objective. She did not, however, know how to convince the young woman to help her. She sat before the fire pit, brow furrowed in deep thought, as the seconds ticked over into minutes; and before long, a quarter of an hour had gracefully slipped by, now lost to those who failed to embrace it fully. A flock of birds sang happily to one another, heralding the end of winter’s cold embrace, as a few more moments trickled through the hourglass, before Bella was hit with what she immediately considered as the best and possibly worst decision of her life, aside from swearing allegiance and servitude to Voldemort: Professor McGonagall.
The now headmistress of Hogwarts had been Bella’s favorite professor when she had attended the school, always ensuring that the students were happy and safe, and frequently reminding Bella that if ever she needed to talk, tea and a friendly ear would be waiting in her office. Bella had often wondered if the old bat knew what her home life was like, and was offering some form of council on the matter.
Deciding that the most reasonable and logical course of action had been determined, Bella summoned a quill and some parchment, taking in a deep, calming breath before deciding that the letter should be simple, and anonymous. She quickly scrawled a note and summoned her owl, directing him to Hogwarts before turning to begin the rather tiresome task of packing down her muggle tent.
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Hogwarts Headmistress Minerva McGonagall had been startled by the unexpected owl, and had spilled her tea across the papers on her desk. Cursing under her breath as she scourgified the mess out of existence, she then turned to the elegant black owl that had that had taken a liking to the back of her chair, scowling at it for a moment before reaching for the letter tied to its leg. Sitting back at her desk, she opened the letter and carefully read the graceful cursive script:
Professor McGonagall,
I seek your counsel regarding a very important matter. Please meet me at dusk this evening, at the old dock on the Black Lake, near the edge of the Forbidden Forest.
It is imperative that you come alone, however I would not fault you for alerting a member of your staff of your intended location, if only for your own peace of mind.
Puzzled, the professor quickly conceded that her curiosity would likely get the better of her, and opted to alert Hagrid to the meeting; assuring him that she would be quite alright, but accepting the half-giant’s promise that if she were not back within the hour, the entire faculty would march to the lake to ensure her safety.
As the sun began to sink slowly behind the horizon, the Headmistress started towards her destination.
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Bella was a little earlier than intended, but her nerves were beginning to get to her, so she had opted for an early arrival to take in the peaceful movements of one of her favorite places. As the night air gently caressed the still waters of the lake, she took a moment to breathe in the deep, moist aroma of the dirt beneath her boots, and hear the quiet rustling of the trees behind her. It was eerily quiet at the lake, just like it had been when she had attended the school, and while others likely found it quite unnerving, Bella thought it was the most pleasantly calming sound in the world.
She opened her eyes the very second she felt the presence of her former mentor, and turned to face her as she grew closer. The transfiguration professor had yet to notice the dark witch, and was instead gazing out over the lake with a contented smile resting on her lips. The smile faded quickly as she turned to meet the former Death Eater’s gaze, and she immediately drew her wand, pointing it straight at her former student’s chest.
Bella did not panic, nor did she draw her own wand. Instead she opted for silent deference and raised her chin, showing the older witch that she if she were to die tonight, she would accept her fate with no fuss.
The Headmistress held her stern gaze on the woman that had once been one of her favorite pupils, but the lack of fight from the dark witch had not gone unnoticed. She lowered her wand slightly, and addressed the younger woman in a tone that sent a visible shiver down Bella’s spine.
“What do you want, LeStrange?”
“Black! Please headmistress, if you won’t call me by my given name, then please, at least use my maiden name. I beg you!” The cry startled them both, and Professor McGonagall was taken aback by the sheer desperation and conviction of the plea.
Lowering her wand a little more, she eyed the woman curiously, before continuing
“Very well, Ms. Black. What is this important matter you seek counsel on? The Ministry has dropped all charges against you, as you are thought to be dead, so I hardly think there’s anything I could help you with in the first place.” It did not escape the elderly witch that Bella had sighed and relaxed slightly, at the use of her maiden name, and she was becoming more curious about the dark witch’s presence as the seconds passed.
“Profess - Headmistress” Bella began, stumbling over her nerves as she tried to formulate her response into something coherent.
“I am trying, with all of my heart and soul, to do what I can to right my wrongs. So many people have been hurt, or killed, or driven insane by my brutal fanaticism. I was a monster, an evil, cruel, monster, and while I can never be fully forgiven for my actions, I at the very least want to give peace to as many as I can. I have already returned sanity to the Longbottom’s, and -”
“That was you?!” The Headmistress had always been quiet, and vehemently refused to interrupt when someone was talking, but this time she couldn’t have stopped herself if she tried.
“Yes, Headmistress, that was me. I am somewhat glad that they kept that part a secret, I may have been in a lot of trouble if they hadn’t. But yes, yes I did that, and I have developed a spell to free the lost souls trapped in my wand, and have spent the past few months travelling to their graves to pay my respects, apologize and release them into the afterlife so that they may continue their journey. However, there is one which remains. One without a true grave, without a place to rest…” she trailed off as tears began to stain her cheeks at the mention of her cousin, and bowed her head to hide her gentle sobbing behind her wild locks.
Professor McGonagall was sure she had seen everything, but she quickly amended that at the sight of the younger witch’s sobbing form. She stood before the crying woman, dumbfounded and silent, watching as tears began dripping onto the grass beneath them.
“Sirius?” The older witch questioned, and was met with a nod from the younger, as her sobs became audible and her body shook under the immense guilt.
Torn between trusting and comforting her former student and distrusting a Death Eater, the Headmistress settled for sheathing her wand, folding her hands in front of her, and quietly waiting for Bella to continue.
After a while, Bella began to compose herself, and wiped her tears on the back of her sleeve, not caring about the smudged mess she had no doubt made of her eyeliner. It didn’t really matter anyway. She took a deep, calming breath, noting the scent of aniseed that she had long associated with the woman before her, and returned her attention to the older woman.
“I will not apologize for that, for showing my emotions like that. I’m sure you understand, and let’s be honest, you could hardly think any less of me.” She faced the witch, and proceeded to speak after gaining an understanding nod from the teacher.
“I have done all of these things, returned life to some, and given long-needed closure to others. It has helped me too, allowed me some peace in knowing that while I have done despicable, horrible things, I have also done some wonderful, meaningful things. The problem is, that most of the things I have done, have not required me to interact with living, breathing people. And the last two people I need to try to mend things with, are alive and likely - if you’ll excuse my language - really fucking pissed off” she smiled slightly at the gasp that her foul language elicited from the Headmistress, and waited for the whole thing to settle in the woman’s mind, and form a response.
“I presume you mean Miss Granger and Mr. Potter?” She inquired, trying to school the language-induced scowl that had taken over her face. Bella nodded before clasping her hands in front of her, seemingly content to silently wait for the elder to continue.
“And, am I correct in assuming that you are here to ask for advice, or even help with approaching the two?” Once again, Bella nodded.
“How do I know I can trust you?” This was the make-or-break question, Minerva decided. Depending on her actions here, I may have to face a pair of particularly angry young adults she silently mused.
Carefully and slowly, Bella removed her wand from its holster, never breaking eye contact with the older witch before her. She pulled the wand into her hand, and slowly twisted it so that the handle was pointed at the Headmistress, before offering it to the woman.
The professor had held her breath the second she saw her former student reach for the tool, but let it go when she saw the wand twisted to point at its owner. My, my, Bella, you HAVE changed. A smile crept across her lips. And it seems I will be visiting the Burrow after all.
Professor McGonagall declined to take Bella’s wand, deciding that the offer itself was enough proof that the woman was indeed trustworthy. While she had not anticipated it in the slightest, assuming that the Headmistress would take her wand and lock it away for all eternity, the elder woman’s next move was considerably more shocking.
“I would like you to stay at Hogwarts for a while, Bellatrix. I can see that your travels have not been kind to you, you are in need of a few hearty meals, I think. You may stay in the Slytherin dungeons, the children are away for Christmas, and the rooms will be vacant for the next 6 weeks.” Bella took a deep breath, deciding to ask more of the Headmistress than she really had any right to.
“If it’s all the same to you Professor - sorry, Headmistress - I would far prefer to stay in Ravenclaw tower. You’d remember, no doubt, that I was a hatstall, and was given a choice between the two. Of late, I’ve often wondered how different things would have been, if I had chosen the house I wanted, and not the house my parents had always pushed onto me.” She finished the sentence with an apologetic smile, and hoped that her favorite teacher would understand, and allow her to be in the tower she had dreamed of as she sat by the lake in her teenage years.
McGonagall merely chuckled and nodded, gesturing to the former Death Eater to follow, and they walked shoulder-to-shoulder back to the castle, sharing a companionable silence.