Work Text:
The first thing Kate thinks when Evan Lorne walks into her office is "Trouble."
Her job entails dealing with city employees in need of counseling, often not because they ask for it but are ordered to it. She knows every trick in the book for dealing with police officers and fire fighters – male, almost always – who view her as a threat. A bad evaluation from her can condemn a man to a desk job. She is the enemy, and a lot of those men take one look at her blonde hair and blue eyes and react to the danger she poses by going on the offensive. She's a master of the art of deflection, turning lewd or even outright harassing comments back on topic. She couldn't have survived in her position without the skill.
So when Evan's eyes rake over her body swiftly, she sighs inwardly and gears up for a long, drawn-out battle.
There had been a three-alarm fire and a young fire fighter had been hurt. Most of the men who'd been there are coming by her office in those weeks to talk about situation, whether they want to or not. Evan makes to sit in the chair across from her desk but she waves towards the couch.
"That's a little clichéd, isn't it?" he asks with a grin.
She shrugs and quips, "Wait till I pull out the inkblot tests."
She sits down in the other chair while Evan stretches out on the couch. She can't help but notice the large tattoo on his arm when he drapes it over the back of the sofa. He glances down in surprise when she crosses her legs and leaves her hands laying loose in her lap. "No notebook?"
The proper response would be to tell him if it made him more comfortable she could use it, but he's eyeing her up again. "I've got a very good memory." He leans back a little farther. "Now, Mr. Lorne-"
"Call me Evan, doc. It sounds weird for a pretty woman to call me Mr. Lorne. I'll keep thinking my father is here."
He flashes her a smile that nearly makes her dizzy. She bites it back. "Okay, Evan, tell me about what happened the other day."
She braces herself for another come-on, but he gives her a calculating look for a second and then begins to talk about the fire. The third floor of the building had collapsed and a young man got trapped. He was in the hospital with serious injuries, but alive.
Evan takes her by surprise. He speaks honestly about the accident, about the difficulty of watching someone get hurt like that knowing it could easily have been him or someone he knew well. He admits that he has nightmares sometimes but says he only remembers some of them. She watches him closely without appearing to stare, one of the hardest skills for a good psychiatrist to cultivate, and is forced to conclude that Evan Lorne is either freakishly well-adjusted or consummately pathological.
"So, what's the verdict, doc?"
She gets up and threads around the chairs and back behind the safety of her desk. "Now, I write up an evaluation verifying you did come to see me."
"Okay," he says slowly. "But that wasn't what I asked."
She knows it was too much to hope he would fall for that. "I can tell you I don't expect to see you back here for professional reasons any time soon. Hopefully."
"Good." He leans his arms against her desk. "What about for unprofessional reasons?"
"Evan," she chides lightly.
"Come on. We're off the clock, now, right? I mean, the official meeting is over." She shrugs noncommittally. "So tell me you'll come have a drink with me tonight."
"I don't date patients. I'm sorry." She has a very strict rule in place about ever getting involved with anyone she might have to counsel at some point. It is just easier that way to deflect unwanted attention, not to mention it keeps her safe from any rumors about her professionalism within the department.
All right, it also means she hadn't been on a date in over a year because she works ridiculous hours and the only men she meets are patients, but that is beside the point.
"I'm not a patient, you said so yourself," Evan counters. "Come on, Katherine Heightmeyer. Live a little."
"It's Kate," she corrects automatically. "And it really would not be a good idea."
He gets a knowing look on his face that bugs the crap out of her. "Not being a good idea doesn't mean you don't want to."
She shoots him a mild glare. "How do you know I'm not trying to let you down easy by using professional reasons? Not to mention, why do you assume I'm single?"
"You're not wearing a ring and all the pictures on your desk are of people who look too much like you to be a significant other. Or of your cat." Okay so there are a couple pictures of Buster on her desk along with the one of her mom and dad and brother. And damn, he's observant. "As for professionalism, I can respect that, but one session, which is now over, doesn't exactly cement a doctor-patient relationship, and it shouldn't keep you from having one drink with me."
Evan is looking down at her, the tiniest hint of a smirk in his face, and his eyes, which are gorgeous, are warm. He's reading her like a book, and that throws her, because this isn't an attempt by him to avoid speaking to her or derail her evaluation of his mental state. She wants to go and he knows it.
When she doesn't say anything right away, he puts his hands in his pockets. "Look, I'll tell you what. When do you get off for the day?"
She rolls her eyes. "Whenever I can't keep my eyes open anymore?"
He sighs, like she's really taxing his patience by not immediately swooning into his arms. "I'll come by at 6. If you really, truly decide you can't risk your professional reputation and go out with me just for this one time, I won't push it. And if you do decide to go and I can't convince you to have dinner with me, I'll never bother you again. Deal?"
He shows up promptly at 5:59, wearing a black button-down shirt and black jeans that unfortunately for her only emphasize the well-toned and perfectly proportioned body underneath. One drink stretches to two and then into dinner and Kate keeps frantically reminding herself of all the reasons why this is so not a good idea even as the evening turns into the best first date of her life.
He walks her to her car and she recognizes the look on his face. She braces herself for the inevitable attempt to get an invitation to take her home. This is where it is all going to go sour, she just knows it.
Evan leans in and kisses her and surprises the hell out of her by just pressing his lips against hers – firmly but gently. He doesn't do anything else, doesn't grab her ass or try to shove his tongue down her throat. He just kisses her, long enough that ecstatic neurons are firing in her brain as she soaks in the feeling. When the kiss starts to end he lingers, like he doesn't want to give up her lips just yet, and she barely restraines a tiny whimper when he finally pulls away.
"Can I call you tomorrow?"
She nods mutely. He smiles and holds her car door open in a gentlemanly fashion as she gets in.
She had been completely right about him. Trouble.
***
They date for a week before Kate jumps him. Their second date ends with good night kisses that become more them making out with her pressed up against the door jamb and starting to reconsider the whole "take it slow, just in case" plan when a neighbor comes out and startles them. Evan pulls away, looking a little embarrassed and she goes inside before she can lose her resolve.
By the following Saturday night, though, she's bored and horny from a week of phone calls and another two dates and fantasizing about him every five minutes. He may be trouble and it all may be a bad idea in theory but Kate's too far gone now to bother worrying. Not when she feels like her hormones are boiling. She goes to his apartment on the pretext of watching a movie and the opening credits are barely over before they're kissing. By the time the main characters in the movie have all been introduced she's on her back, Evan on top of her with his hand up her shirt and they're close to dry-humping on the couch. Less than 20 minutes into the movie, they abandon the living room for his bed.
The sex is great. Of course, it's been so long since she had an orgasm that didn't involve her vibrator, her perspective may be skewed, but she's pretty sure Evan's fantastic in bed. There's some first time fumbling but it's not bad, and she doesn't even have to ask him about protection before he pulls a condom from the nightstand. And he doesn't do any of the things she always hates. Even in bed Evan still kisses like he just enjoys kissing and doesn't treat it like it's an obligatory pit stop. He's respectful about her body, never pushing too fast, and he doesn't shove his dick into her for the first time like he's trying to hammer a nail into a wall. God, he even smooths her hair over her shoulder so he won't accidentally pull on it. She wonders briefly why in hell this man is sleeping alone in the first place.
She dozes for a while after the first round, and when she wakes up she goes to the bathroom and then grabs a glass of water from the kitchen. She slips back into the bedroom to find him blinking sleepily at her. Kate's wearing his t-shirt and nothing else and looking at him with the sheet bunched around his waist makes her hot all over again. His hair is a mess from her fingers and his arms are stretched over his head where she can see his tattoo clearly.
So she attacks him again.
They fall asleep together and she wakes up on Sunday morning with his arms still around her. A slow, lazy morning of coffee and muffins and reading the newspaper and more sex leaves her feeling more relaxed than she has been in she can't remember how long.
So she pushes the tiny, barely-there little taste of disappointment away. Because there's so much here that is so perfect, she doesn't want to ruin it.
***
Her birthday is in early April, and one night the week before, March is having a bit of a fit, weather-wise. It was abnormally warm but the evening had grown tempestuous – windy with rain and thunder and lightning even. Kate loved it. She loved windy days and wild weather like this. Something in her seemed to break free on days when there was a storm.
She and Evan have been dating for just over a month and they have decided to try introducing her to some of his friends at the fire station. She's already resolved that if something comes up at work, she'll just have to recuse herself from acting as his counselor. Hopefully it won't come up in the first place. The people he work with might be able to see past the doctor title but the people she works with will never be accepting of her dating a former patient (even if it had only been for one session).
She's not 100% sure about how she feels about her relationship with Evan yet. Things are going pretty well. He gets a little moody and then sometimes gets defensive when pretending not to be moody after a hard day at work. And they still haven't settled into an understanding about how often they see each other and how often they have sex. Evan is usually the one asking and she's saying no, but he's been very polite about her refusals so far. No guilt-tripping or pouting. She's shown her gratitude by offering hand jobs in place of intercourse a couple of times. Thankfully he's fine with that. One guy she had dated right after college wanted penetrative sex or a blow job and wouldn't deal with anything less. Needless to say, she hadn't dated him very long.
All of which makes her niggling sense of dissatisfaction more annoying. Objectively things are going swimmingly and so far she has no reason to complain. He's kind, funny, understanding. He has just enough faults to make him human and not some scary Stepford boyfriend, and she's never gone without an orgasm in his bed. He's always happy to massage her shoulders when she gets off from work and has spent a day hunched over trying to pry some emotional truth from a reluctant patient. Within a few weeks she's already gotten used to having someone to go grab dinner or coffee with when she needs to not be at home and not be thinking about work. Sometimes just sitting and talking with him and listening to his terrible jokes while he tries to get her to laugh makes the whole world go away. Women all over would kill to have this man in their lives.
Very deep down, Kate is starting to wonder if there's something fundamentally wrong with her.
She pushes that all aside and swings open the door of the fire station. She can see the fire engines gleaming in the garage lights, but no one is visible. She steps inside, a swirl of leaves blowing in the door with her, ruffling her skirt. She's been wearing skirts to work a lot more. For a long while she didn't bother and just wore her khakis and comfortable shoes because it wasn't like she had any reason to dress up, and looking nice didn't help with the unwanted and defensive come ons. But she enjoys the way Evan's eyes light up when he sees her.
Her skin gets goose bumps from the warm wind against her legs and the echoing silence of the station's garage. It's a little spooky in here.
"Kate?"
She yelps and jumps about a foot into the air.
Evan is behind her, grinning, and holding up his hands. "Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you!"
She hits him anyway. "Don't DO that to me!"
He laughs, leaning in and kissing her hello before glancing down at her body appreciatively. "Did you find the place okay?"
"Yes. Where is everyone?"
He waves. "O'Neill is in the dispatch office, and some of the guys are in the common room. Ronon and Teyla went to pick up Chinese food on their way back from an accident scene." He takes her hand and gives her the tour of the building, which the firemen affectionately refer to as The Shack. It's old and a little weathered but the place has a lot of character to it.
It's a little strange to see Evan moving easily around the station. Not that she didn't know precisely who he was and what he did, but he's in uniform and so comfortable, it's clear he belongs here.
It makes heat bloom low in her belly to look at him.
They're walking in between the two engines, and Evan is explaining some of the equipment when he stops. "What?"
Kate blinks, yanking her mind away from the fantasy that has sprung up in her imagination involving pushing him against the side of the fire engine. "What?"
"You're staring at me like I've grown a second head or something."
"Oh, no," she pulls away, embarrassed. "I was just thinking about something from work."
Evan tightens his grip on her hand and clearly he doesn’t swallow the lie, because his face gets suspicious. "Kate..."
Her cheeks turn pink and she decides to go with a partial truth. "I was just... appreciating the uniform, if you must know. I know I've seen it before, but it's a little more impressive with all this machinery."
His expression turns a bit lascivious and he pulls her in. "Oh. Well, as long as you don't expect me to do a pole dance," he tells her with a smirk. He leans in and kisses her and Kate's not sure if it's adrenalin, embarrassment or the wind keening outside or all of the above, but she kisses him back with more hunger than she intends.
Evan responds in kind and the kiss rapidly ratchets up unexpectedly. They end up stumbling until he's pressing her back against the side of the engine. Evan's tongue is exploring her mouth and his thigh scissors between hers without either of them really noticing until Kate grinds against the hard muscle on instinct as his hands sweep down her hips.
He pulls away from her mouth and her body, groaning quietly. "Kate-" He stops again and she freezes. He's looking into her eyes so intently she trembles.
Then she feels a warm hand sliding up her thigh under her skirt.
"Shit," he mutters and they're so close she can feel his breath against her mouth. "You're not wearing stockings."
She shakes her head a little. "I got a run this afternoon."
His thumb tickles the inside of her thigh, dangerously high up and she lets out a tiny cry. He does it again and her hips shift downward in silent encouragement.
Evan moves his body to the side a little and then his fingers graze against her underwear and she shakes. "Fuck, Kate," he mutters, his forehead resting against her temple. He starts teasing her for real, circling his fingers against the damp cotton between her legs and she clutches at his shoulders. The pressure is maddeningly light but she can feel the wetness inside of her spiraling up at insane speed.
"God, you're really getting off on this aren't you?" he asks rhetorically. There's not much point of responding; he can feel exactly how turned on she is, especially when he tugs the elastic aside and slides his fingers deeper. When his thumb strokes against her clit he kisses her to muffle the moan she can't keep back.
When the kiss ends, Evan leans into her, speaking in a low, dirty voice that's like lightning along her overcharged nervous system. "This is so hot, Kate. You're pressed up against the engine and my fingers are inside your panties and anyone could walk in and see this. Anyone could see you panting and rubbing yourself against my hand out here in the open."
Her nails dig so hard into his shoulders she's afraid of drawing blood, but the orgasm is right there, she's right on the edge of it and he's just winding her tighter and tighter. In her mind she can see them, Evan in uniform and her in her nice sweater and skirt, but her skirt is hiked up and his hand is underneath it because he's fingering her right there in the middle of the station. Sweat is pouring off her and she feels incredibly dirty and aroused and out of her mind with it all.
"You like that idea, don't you?" He's purring right in her ear now and she's bucking into his touch, so ready to break. "You're gonna come all over my hand just from thinking about someone walking in right now and seeing us, aren't you? Right now, they're gonna walk in right fucking now, Kate..."
Her head bumps into the hard metal behind her and her jaw pops from the silent cry of pleasure as the orgasm wracks her body. Her vision actually goes gray at the edges with the force of it and she can feel her own wetness on her thighs as she pants and shudders through the waves of the release. She'd probably have tumbled to the ground but his body and his arm are keeping her upright.
Evan nuzzles her throat, coaxing her through the aftershocks with his fingers and she slowly recalls that they're in the middle of the fire station and he could get into serious trouble for this. Not to mention what'll happen to her if this gets back to the office.
But she can also feel his erection, straining against her thigh even through his pants, and when she locks eyes with him, her previous fantasy about blowing him right here comes back with a vengeance.
Evan's got a different idea, though. He pulls his hand free, pausing to lick her taste from his fingers which makes her body twitch violently, and then he leans over and tugs her underwear down her legs and over her shoes. She doesn't question him, because the look on his face makes a thrill go through her that's almost savage in intensity.
Her panties go into one of his pockets and he grabs her hand and they thread their way around the engines and down a short hallway and come out in the bunk room of the station. She can hear the television going on the other side of the far door, which must lead to the common room. Evan pads over and locks that door and comes back to her, kissing her without any more preamble and then he knocks her onto her back on the nearest cot.
The weight of his body between her spread legs makes her smile in pure pleasure as she hikes her skirt up and out of their way. He fumbles a condom out of his pocket and opens his pants, while she teases him in whispers about his level of preparedness. Together they shove his boxers out of the way enough to get the condom on and then he slides into her, fast but careful enough not to hurt her. She's still quivering from the orgasm and when he starts to thrust in and out she wraps her legs around his back, encouraging him.
It's quick and dirty and she loves it, loves the furtiveness and the strange environment and the slight risk of someone finding them, although this isn't nearly as dangerous as what he'd done to her in the garage. She loves that he got so turned on making her come that he has to throw her onto the nearest surface and just take her like this. Her body is still soaring like it's never going to come down and this is what she's wanted from him all along, this sense of wildness and just enough danger to excite her, to make her lose her practiced self-control.
He fucks her fast, hard and almost silently except for their breathing and the slight creak from the cot. Kate yanks him down into a kiss and tightens her body around him as much as she can. She hears the ragged moan he makes against her lips and feels him shudder and stiffen in her arms. Then he stills, buried all the way in her, his head on her breast.
The door behind them swings open at that moment and two people she doesn't recognize come in and stop dead when the lights flicker on and reveal Kate and Evan entangled on the cot.
***
For a solid week, every time she remembers that moment, Kate physically squirms in discomfort. She can't decide if it's better or worse that she doesn't know any of those people well and has only met a few of them in sessions before. And they're not even her coworkers. Evan's been getting mocked and tormented at work all week. Apparently his boss made up a new rule about bringing people back into the living area and the entire house started calling it the Lorne Rule.
And it could have been worse. They could've been discovered before Evan had a chance to come, after all.
That thought makes her feel slightly dirty but underneath the embarrassment is a wicked sense of glee.
Still, the whole excitement of discovery fantasies is the risk, not the humiliation of actually being discovered with your boyfriend on top of you and his dick still inside you.
At least they hadn't been naked in the bargain.
Her birthday is a Friday, and as always she's taken the day off. Evan had switched shifts with someone at work so he could have the whole weekend free to be with her. He'd been planning some big surprise for her birthday and no matter what methods she tried to get him to tell her, he'd resisted.
He turns up at her door in the afternoon, soaking wet because even though it's early April, Denver's having a blizzard. She lets him in and helps him untangle the wet coat and scarf and then notices he's carrying a picnic basket.
"Evan?" She glances at the basket.
He sighs. "It's not fair. I was going to take you out to Cherry Creek for a picnic. I figured it would be a nice, romantic thing to do, since we both have today off."
She has to admit, as romantic plans go, that's pretty much the top of the list. She leans in and kisses him softly. "I guess it's the thought that counts," she says with a grin.
"Uh-uh, you're getting your picnic."
Out the window the snow is blowing in curtains, wet and heavy. "I'm not going out in that."
He holds up a blanket. "Not a problem."
A little while later they're sitting on the blanket in the middle of her living room floor, with some of her furniture pushed aside to make space. He'd brought meatball subs from the Italian deli not far from the fire station, and somewhere hunted up grape soda. That first week of dating, she'd told him about trips to the amusement park when she was a kid and how she associated those trips with the grape soda her parents would bring in the car.
They ate and talked for so long that Buster finally recovered from his fear of the doorbell and came out to say hello. Her cat was not good with strangers, but Evan had been present often enough for Buster to get a little better. Having food around helped.
Finally, Evan reaches into the basket. He'd insisted on serving everything. "Ready for dessert?"
"What is it?"
"Nope. You have to close your eyes."
"Evan," she complains, although her lips twitch.
"Close 'em," he orders. "Or you don't get any."
Giving him a half-hearted glare, she complies. She hears something rustling, like paper being unwrapped. Then he says, "Open your mouth."
"Oh no," she stars to open her eyes to look at him but he slaps a hand over her face. "Evan! I'm not just going to..." She swallows. Logically she knows that letting him feed her isn't anything to be embarrassed about but there's something a little off about just opening her mouth for him blindly.
Okay, a little off and a little hot, too.
"Trust me," he says in that annoying, low, dirty voice that he'd been using in the fire station. "You'll love it, Kate."
She wars with herself momentarily, then opens her mouth. Something sweet brushes her lips and something cool and smooth touches her tongue. She tastes chocolate cream and pastry and instinctively bites down and hears a crunch.
Evan takes his hand away and she sees he was holding what looked like a small cannoli filled with chocolate cream. To his credit, although his eyes are hot, he just raises an eyebrow. "Good?"
"Mmmm," is all she can come out with as the sugary treat covers her tongue.
He grins. Kate sees an opportunity for revenge. She takes the other half of the dessert from his hand and lifts it towards his mouth. He must have seen the glint in her eye, though, because he leans away. "You mash that into my face and I'm breaking up with you."
It is only a joke and she knows it, but she pouts at him. Then, getting a better idea, she lifts the cannoli to her own mouth and deliberately sucks the cream out of the tube.
Evan swallows audibly. She eats the rest of the pastry with relish.
He groans. "Okay, you win. I have one more thing for you." At her look he rolls his eyes. "Not that. At least not yet." He fishes something else out of the basket. "You're not gonna do the close your eyes thing for me again, are you?" he asks rhetorically.
Without waiting for an answer, he holds out a small gold box. She takes it and inside is a velvet jewelry box. Evan looks a little nervous as she opens it to find a necklace inside. It's a delicate gold chain and dangling from it is a five-pointed crystal star edged with gold. "Oh Evan," she whispers. It is beautiful.
His voice sounds uncharacteristically shy. "Do you like it?"
She leans over and kisses him thoroughly. "It's gorgeous. Here, help me." She fishes the necklace from the box and turns, holding her hair out of the way so he can put the necklace around her throat. He kisses the nape of her neck before pulling away to look at her. She can see the reflection in the television screen. The star rests just below the hollow of her collarbone.
"I didn't want it to be anything too corny, like a heart or a cat or something," he says lowly, one finger delicately skimming along the base of her neck.
"It's perfect. Thank you." She turns sideways and kisses him again and he kisses her back, murmuring happy birthday against her lips. The kiss gets deeper and she feels him shifting around and then he pushes her onto her back on the floor.
They make out slowly, almost lazily, while the storm blows fiercely outside. The heat begins to build and Evan unbuttons her blouse, trailing wet kisses over her breastbone, her abdomen and her navel as he undoes each button. She lets him wrestle the shirt off her shoulders and he nuzzles one bra strap off to the side so he can lick her nipple lightly.
He shifts so that he is on top of her, his body weight pinning her down and she loves that, even though it probably should've been unnerving. He is much heavier than her, and just based on that she'd never be able to throw him off. Add in the finely honed muscles from his job and she is essentially powerless underneath him like this. But she likes that feeling.
He torments her with his tongue until she reciprocates, pushing his shirt up so she can drag her nails over his shoulders and back and then up his sides. Just hard enough to sting a little but not to really hurt. She'd figured out right after they started dating that this was one of his turn-ons and she has no scruples about using it against him.
At the moment, though, Evan has other ideas. He groans, lifting his head. "Kate, if you do that, I'm gonna-" He doesn't say anything else but his hips push down into hers and she can feel his erection clearly through their jeans.
She rakes her nails up again.
Evan reaches down and grabs her wrists and pins her hands on either side of her head. "No, Kate, I want... oh." Whatever he had been about to say fades as he looks down at her in surprise.
When he'd trapped her wrists, her whole body had flushed with a heat that felt almost primal. Her hips buck up against him, not trying to throw him off but needing to shove against that hard, heavy body on top of her.
Evan looks at her speculatively for a moment. "This is it, isn't it? This is what you want?" She can feel the rumble of his voice against her chest. "I thought..." He licks his lips. "I thought it was the in public thing, that risk of getting caught, but it's this, isn't it?" His fingers tighten slightly on her wrists and Kate shudders, moving again and Evan shifts his hips against hers and Kate gasps. There is the tiniest hint of fear in her, but it's almost buried under a wave of lust so intense she can barely think. Because he's right.
This is what she wants. All her other relationships had fallen apart, and never had she been able to tell any of her past lovers what she really wanted them to do to her. In the grand scheme of things, of course, she knows her own kinks are pretty mild, but she still felt somewhere deep down that she was a bit of a freak. And somehow she'd always ended up with men who didn't want to hear anything weird or were too focused on their own desires to really want to investigate hers.
Just once, she'd thought over and over, she wanted a man who was so crazy for her that he'd do things like shoving her against the nearest available flat surface just so he could take her right then and there. Someone who was willing to try anything, whose kinky side wasn't entirely about her servicing him.
Someone who understood the wildness she sometimes felt, who she could share it with.
And that sense of danger she's always felt about Evan Lorne, it's been because of this, because she gets so dizzy with lust around him and he knows her - knew her so well so fast - she has hoped for exactly this. That loss of control, the mad rush of need and want and hunger, that he can fulfill those fantasies she's never dared tell anyone about.
Evan slides his body up and down, rocking into her and he leans even closer. "You want this? You want me to hold you like this?" His voice drops even lower and crawls along her spine. "You want me to pin you down and fuck you right here on the floor?"
That faint little tinge of alarm grows slightly louder and she shakes her head. "No, I..." She struggles for words, because she needs him to understand.
But his reaction is instantaneous. As soon as she says "no" he pulls away, releasing her wrists and looking afraid. "Oh, God, Kate, I'm sorry. I thought-"
More than any other thing he could have done in that moment, the simple action of letting her go convinces Kate that she can trust this man with anything.
She grabs his shoulders, keeping him where he is. "No, it's okay, Evan." She steels herself, needing to articulate to him exactly what this is, now that she's so close to the truth. "This isn't... it's not about being forced."
He looks down at her, his eyes dark and understanding. "No, I know that. It's... it's about control, right?"
She nods. It's about being out of control, about being safe enough to let go and let things happen. Things she maybe wouldn't have done otherwise, things she wouldn't have let him do to her if she'd not been so out of her head about him. She blushes a little. "It's not all the time, I mean. I don't, like, have leather whips and chains and things in my closet..." Evan grunts, his eyes fluttering shut. "What?"
He grins a little. "Sorry. Just you and leather in the same thought..." She laughs, shaking her head at his predictability.
He leans back over her, his expression getting serious. "You can trust me, Kate. I won't hurt you."
Not in any way she didn't like, at least, Kate thinks. She licks her lips, watching as his eyes follow the gesture automatically. "Then, yes."
"Hunh?"
She smirks this time. "That whole pinning me to the floor and fucking my brains out thing? Yes."
His response is to kiss her so hard their teeth clicked. She clings to him even as Evan's hand slips between them and deftly unfastens her jeans. He drags his mouth away from her and leans back, urging her to lift her hips and let him strip her out of her jeans and her underwear. When she is naked save for her bra, he moves up her body, palms skimming over her skin, until he once again presses her hands down above her head. His face hovers over hers for a moment, and he says quietly, "Don't move."
Her skin tingles with anticipation, but Evan apparently decides to have a little fun with her. He pulls away and stands up, stripping off his shirt slowly, and then undoes his belt and his fly with careful, deliberate movements. All the while he stares into her eyes, almost daring her to even twitch.
When he removes his jeans and then shimmies out of his boxers, she bites her lower lip. It is amazing how erotic it feels to watch him stripping for her, but the knowing look in his eyes as he stares down at her is even more intense. Kate clenches her fingers and digs her nails into her palms to keep from reaching for him.
Evan fishes a condom from his wallet and gets it on, then kneels between her legs, nudging them wider with his knees. He lets his body weight fall on her just enough and his hands cover her wrists again, effectively pinning her down.
He is still staring into her eyes as he pushes into her. She gasps, surprised, as Evan has always been careful to make sure she was ready for that before. Her muscles burn a little as they stretch around him. But God, she likes it.
He doesn't move right away, just lays there looking down at her. Kate felt silly for it afterwards, but she gets lost staring into his eyes, the intensity of them as they just are still, locked together like this.
He leans down and brushes her lips with his lightly. That wicked, knowing smirk steals across his face. "I knew you were a little bent, Kate. I just knew it." He withdraws slowly, so slowly she cries out, because this isn't tender concern about hurting her, this is pure lustful torture.
He keeps talking. "So cool and calm and professional. Sitting in your office and sizing me up with one look." Back in and out again and her body is tight and aching from how slow he is moving. How the hell did she get this aroused this fast? He's barely done anything, barely touched her, and she is so wet and panting with need. "I knew no one that beautiful and perfect could possibly be that together when she was off the clock."
He's told her she is beautiful before. A lot of men had. None of them had said it quite like this though.
"And I wanted to see you let go," he says, bending down to nuzzle her ear. She wants to wrap her legs around his back and try to force him to go faster but she holds herself off with the last bit of willpower she still has. "I wanted to see what happened when Kate Heightmeyer really lost it, just let go of everything and felt..."
Still in slow motion, Evan shifts to grind his body against hers as he slides in and Kate wants to scream.
"You let go in the fire station. You forgot everything but me. God, Kate, that was so fucking hot." He is moving on top of her, still with that leisurely rocking and grinding and it is going to kill her because she's right on the edge of coming and she can't do anything about it. It's so good it is driving her insane, because she can't survive feeling this much longer.
But she never wants him to stop either.
"I knew you hadn't really gotten there before." She has no idea how he can be this calm and able to talk while he starts rubbing his whole body up and down, his smooth chest brushing against her breasts. She can't move her legs now even when she wants to. Her whole body seems only able to focus on her core and her muscles straining, desperate and completely out of her control. "Not even when I went down on you that first time and you came all over the bed."
Her voice finally snaps out of the paralysis and she groans "Oh God" at that memory.
His arrogant huff of laughter is insufferable. "Okay maybe that was close, but not what I really wanted."
Without thinking about it she starts to struggle against him. She's so damned close and she has to do anything to make it happen, any movement, any added friction would be enough if she can just make him give it to her. Kate tries to twist her arms from his grip but he tightens his hold. The pain from his fingers only registers as added sensation in that moment while she keeps struggling, trying to push up against his heavy weight with her hips, her legs.
She might as well have been trying to push a boulder off her. Evan doesn't break rhythm in the slightest. His weight, his muscles, that whole gorgeous body has her good and trapped and she knows, suddenly, that she is going to come any second now. The release is just about to crest, and the anticipation makes her tremble underneath him. If he just keeps that movement going a tiny bit longer...
"This is what I wanted, Kate. You, out of control and giving me everything."
Wave after wave after wave of release hits her. It is the longest orgasm she's ever had and it blinds her, chokes her with the force of it. Her muscles seize through her whole body and at the same time she lets everything just go, suddenly grateful for the solid mass of Evan's body holding her down. He'll keep her anchored, so she doesn't have to worry about anything but letting the pleasure crash through her like a dam bursting in a flood and carrying her away.
She screams, as soon as she can draw in any air, and keeps moaning through the spasms, not caring who heard anymore until it finally fades, leaving her stunned and breathless and drained of every thought but a feeling of contentment.
Dimly she's aware of Evan thrusting into her, of the tingling and tremors of the aftershocks as they pass through her as Evan comes a few moments later. She registers his body draping over her, the way his thumbs stroke her wrists gently and the way his breath warms her neck. Time is irrelevant as they lay there together.
She's never felt quite like that before. Although the analyst in her points out that sex wasn't the same thing, it is at that moment that Kate begins to realize she's fallen in love.
It is only when the chill in the air over their bare skin starts to bother her that either of them summon the will to move. Evan crawls to the couch and seizes pillows and the afghan and brings them back. They make a little nest on the floor and curl up together.
They murmur quiet nonsense to each other for a little while until he lifts her hand to his lips and kisses the red mark on her wrist from his fingers. She melts at the tenderness of it. He looks into her eyes. "It's not just you, you know."
"Hmm?"
"You're not the only one who gets off on giving up control for a bit." Although he sounds confident, she notices the flicker of nervousness in his eyes.
Kate is stunned for just a second. Then the possibilities begin to flood her mind. Her taking over, taking control of him and getting to watch Evan wild and hungry for her like she'd just been for him.
It makes her head spin. More than Evan usually does.
She grins at him. "Is this where you confess you're the one with the leather and the chains in the closet?"
He laughs. "Nope." He kisses her. "But I know where I could get some, if that's what you want."
She wraps her arms around his chest, snuggling up as close as possible. "I want you."
He kisses the top of her head, telling her the same thing, and Kate thinks deep down they both are saying something else, but that can keep for the moment. They have plenty of time.