Work Text:
Taehyung felt something inexplicably lonely sitting on his bed. Everything was blue faded to grey. The bed cover, the walls, the curtains, the sky outside, the buildings, the people, the cars, the flowers, the rain, the air. Namjoon was outside, his keys clinking in the glass bowl as he must have picked them to put into his jacket pocket. The soft scruffling sounds as he pulled out his shoes from the rack and sat to put them on. A few frustrated breaths of air as he struggled to put them on without undoing the laces, as usual. A bump here, a bump there.
Taehyung got up from the bed and stepped out into the living room. Namjoon's back was turned, just about to step out of the house, without an umbrella.
"It's raining outside. Aren't you going to take an umbrella?' He whispered.
Namjoon heard, and turned to look over his shoulder. "Uhh... no. I think it's stopped now. It'll be fine."
"Ok," Taehyung continued to stand there. Not sure what to do now that his suggestion had been negated, shifting his weight slightly from one foot to another.
There must have been something on his face, that stopped Namjoon from shutting the door behind himself and leaving.
"Are you..."
"Can I..."
They both started at the same time.
"What?"
"Umm... you go first..."
"You... are you, ok?"
"Umm...ya. I'm ok. Just kind of tired." Taehyung brushed his fingers awkwardly against the sides of his pants.
"Oh."
"Yeah. But you should probably take an umbrella with you, just in case."
"Umm... it's really ok. I don't mind getting a little wet."
"Is it nice? Where you go...?"
Namjoon looked a little surprised and stepped back into the house. The door held open behind his back. "Yeah. I like it. Do you want to come?"
"I... I could. I mean, I'm tired, but I could. If you don't mind that is..."
"I don't mind. I mean, if you're not too tired, then you should come. You'll like it."
"Ok. I'm... Do I need to change?"
"No. No. It's fine. Unless you want to change your pants? The bottom got wet, right?"
"Yeah, but that's ok. I don't mind."
"Ok. Come then." Namjoon smiled reassuringly.
Taehyung smiled back and shuffled to the shoe cabinet, still wearing his socks from earlier, to pull out his shoes, and put them back on. "Ok. Lets go."
Namjoon grabbed his hand to pull him to his feet, and they stepped out of the narrow cramped spaced into the hallway.
They walked to wherever Namjoon was taking them in silence. Namjoon had put on his earphones and seemed oblivious to Taehyung's presence.
They went down the staircase to the subway station, and Taehyung bought himself a new Muzi T-money card, and had giggled softly when Namjoon had been horrified that the store didn't have any Ryan cards left.
As they climbed onto the subway train, Namjoon tried to passionately explain his love for Ryan to Taehyung. Taehyung grinned his biggest grin and thought back to all the Ryan merchandise that was scattered around in their apartment. There was a mug, a thin blanket, a pair of beach shorts and a pair of socks, a huge soft toy, a pair of slippers, an old t-shirt, one cushion, one very ratty towel, and a Ryan watch that Namjoon wore often.
Soon enough they got off the train and walked out of the subway station. Namjoon had his earphones in again, and Taehyung was content enough to simply follow behind him.
They were beside the Han river. Exactly where, Taehyung hadn't bothered to pay attention to. There seemed to be very few people out, probably driven away by the sudden heavy shower of rain that had come down on them. Now, there was no rain, but everything was wet, and still quite grey.
They walked down the path along the river slowly, and eventually sat down on one of the benches, facing the water.
It was a beautiful place to come and walk around in. It was quite, and the breeze was cool from the recent rainfall. Birds cherped in the trees, and there were scattered cherry blossoms littering the pathway. Taehyung imagined it was a popular spot for dates. The few lights that had flickered on, on the opposite side of the river bank looked like fairy lights in the greyish haze, and it was beautiful, and calm.
Tears pricked Taehyung's eyes and he turned his head away from Namjoon slightly. He sat there as silently as possible, tears slipping out of his eyes in quick succession. He pressed his teeth into his lower lip softly to keep them from trembling, and then harder to keep the quite sobs from escaping.
Namjoon had his own eyes closed, a faint smile, head lifted to feel the chilly breeze against his face, and the music on on his earphones. He only seemed to notice something was wrong, when the song on his phone came to an end, and in the two seconds of silence before the next song, a sob slipped in.
He opened his eyes and pullef one ear bud out of his ear, and looked over at Taehyung's turned away profile. Taehyung's chin was trembling, and his face was wet. His hand reached up tentatively, to touch Taehyung's shoulder, and applied slight pressure to have him turn towards him.
Taehyung startled slightly, and immediately ducked his head down, and swipped his hand over his face in a quick movement. "I'll just come from the loo," he choked out and got up, and jogged away.
Namjoon got up and followed him slowly, feeling like the most helpless person on the planet.
Ahead of him, he noticed Taehyung enter the toilet and he waited outside, unsure if he would be welcome inside to witness his friend's breakdown. He wondered what he would say when Taehyung finally came out.
It was a good few minutes before Taehyung did come out, and he had clearly washed his face furiously, if his damp fringes, and wet sweater neck and sleeves were any indication. He stopped in front of Namjoon, and looked anywhere but at him.
"Are you feeling better now?"
"Yeah," he refused to look at Namjoon, and stared off towards the river, instead. "Can we get some milkshake or something like that to drink anywhere here?"
"Milkshake? Yeah... there's a cafe somewhere here, but I've never been there before. We can go see, if you want."
"Yeah. Ok."
They found the cafe and went inside. It was empty and warm and a shiver ran through them as they entered, that made them both laugh at each other.
Taehyung went and sat in a corner table, and asked Namjoon to get him something with strawberries or chocolate.
Namjoon came back with a cranberry and chocolate milkshake for Taehyung, and a coffee for himself. "They didn't have strawberry."
"Oh. That's ok." He took a sip and said, "This is really good."
They spent the next minute in silence before Namjoon broke it and asked, "What's wrong Taehyung? I didn't ask before because I didn't know what to ask, but you seem like a completely different person from the one I had met in Daegu, before. Even before Yoongi hyung introduced us, he had told me that you were like Hobi or like, like Jiminie,... and you were! When hyung told me that you were moving to Seoul and needed a place to stay, I was so damn excited, and honestly, also relieved, cause I needed someone to share the rent with.
"You were Yoongi hyung's friend and one of the coolest guys I had ever met, but then you came here and, and... and I know something is wrong. You can tell me, you know. I won't go around telling anyone else if you don't want me to, but I really need to know what's wrong. We've been living in the same house for a few months. It's been a few months now. You look like you're in a daze all the time. Today, if I hadn't come to pick you up from the studio with an umbrella, you would have just walked home in the rain, right? In all these months you have made no new friends, that I know of. You don't have a T-money card, which means you've not gone out anywhere except to places that are walking distance. Please tell me what's wrong Taehyung? The other guys are also a little worried about you."
Taehyung stared into his milkshake for a moment and then looked up and whispered cheekily, "I've been meeting up with Jiminie and Jungkookie, off and on."
Namjoon sighed, "I don't think Jungkookie counts. Both of you work in the same studio. You have to meet off and on atleast, and Jiminie is a leech. A cute one, but a leech none the less. He has no concept of personal space what so ever, and I think as a child he missed out on the part where they were teaching him what a chair is for. I have literally never seen that boy sit anywhere except on someone's lap. He doesn't even ask, he just sits on you... So yeah, he doesn't count either," Namjoon dismissed.
"Hyung! Do you like Jiminie? You do, right? We all know you do. Even Jiminie knows. You should tell him directly. Even though he already knows! He, maybe likes you too," Taehyung laughed looking at the panicked expression on Namjoon's red face.
"Uhh... no I don't." Namjoon reached out to swat at Taehyung, "Seriously, stop laughing. I don't like him like that. What the hell?"
"Yes, you do. You do for sure." Taehyung chuckled. "I remember when we had all gone to Jin hyung's new bar, and Jiminie kept doing shots and falling all over, and finally you pulled him onto your lap, and wrapped your arms around him to make sure he wouldn't go around falling on other people."
Amidst Namjoon flailing protests, suddenly there were tears cascading down Taehyung's face again, and he was just left breathing hard and staring at Namjoon, frustrated with himself. No way to hide his face this time.
"Taehyungah! Taehyung!!" Namjoon whispered in a panic, "What's wrong? What is it?"
"Nothing. Nothing, I just..." he sobbed.
Namjoon looked at Taehyung for a few moments, then he stood up and grabbed his hand, and tugged. "Come on. Lets go outside, and walk around a bit more."
Namjoon pulled a sniffling Taehyung out of the little coffee shop and back onto the walking path along the river.
After walking for a while, they stopped at a secluded spot and Namjoon pulled Taehyung into his arms.
The tears that Taehyung had ceased to cry, came back in a storm, and he clutched the back of Namjoon's jacket in two tight fists and sobbed into his shoulder.
They stood there for a very, very long time. Namjoon resting his head against Taehyung's and running his hands up and down his back, and looking out into the calm river. By the time Taehyung's sobs turned to hiccups, and the hiccups turned into sniffles, and those turned into harsh breaths, followed by calm breaths, it was dark all around them. It had been late afternoon when they left home, but now the sun had set, and everything was becoming black.
Taehyung took a deep breath and whispered, "Thanks," into Namjoon's shoulder.
"Do you want to go home now?" Namjoon whispered.
Taehyung nodded against Namjoon's shoulder, and stepped away, rubbing his face clean of tears.
They got onto their massively crowded train compartment, and Namjoon kept a watchful eye on Taehyung's bent head for signs of more tears. When even more people boarded the train at the next station, he pulled Taehyung against himself and wrapped an arm around him. He untangled his earphones clumsily and pushed one bud into Taehyung's ear, and one into his own, and turned on the music.
Taehyung took in a shuddering breath and murmured another, "Thanks," into Namjoon's shoulder.
By the time they reached their station, Taehyung was feeling much better, and they walked home in silence.
At home, after changing out of their clothes, they heated up leftovers from the day before, when Namjoon's mom had come over and cooked for them, like she did ever so often.
When it was time to sleep, Namjoon pulled Taehyung away from his own room, into his own.
Taehyung slid into Namjoon bed and pulled the gigantic Ryan soft toy lying on the top shelf, into a full body hug. When Namjoon came back into the room after checking the main door, and windows, and switches, he sighed, and Taehyung giggled into Ryan's arm.
Taehyung scooted to the far corner of the bed, against the wall, but kept a firm hold on Ryan. Namjoon slipped into bed and threw his own leg and arm over the leg and arm that Taehyung had over Ryan.
Taehyung giggled again. "Thank you for today, hyung. I feel really good right now, but I'm sorry for ruining your evening." He smiled ruefully, "I know you go there whenever you need to clear your head, and i just tagged along and ruined it for you."
"No, no Taehyungah. It's fine. It's good that your feeling better, and you can come with me whenever you want. It's a cool place to go. There are other places too. I'll take you."
"Yeah? That sounds good."
"Good. That's good."
Namjoon shifted around in bed, terribly uncomfortable.
"Should I go back to my room, hyung? There isn't enough space for all three of us." Taehyung whispered into the darkness.
Namjoon snorted, "Only two of us needs to be here. The third is an extra."
"Exactly. I'll go to my room." Taehyung made to get up, but stopped at Namjoon's frustrated sigh.
Then, Ryan was ruthlessly torn away from his side, and was replaced by Namjoon's body. "There, all better now."
"Nooo, Ryan...." Taehyung added for extra effect, and Namjoon snorted.
Namjoon gently held Taehyungs wrist and stroked his fingers over the slim bones there. After a while, he said, "Taehyungah, can i say something?"
"Yeah?"
"Sometimes, things, life..., gets tough, and we feel like we need to be dealing with it right then and there, but I think it's ok to take your time in figuring yourself out, and where you stand, and stuff, you know... It's ok to not know what to do, and be confused, and vent it all out somewhere. Don't let stuff build up inside, ok? I'm here. Even everyone else, Jiminie, and Jungkookie, and Yoongi hyung, and Hobi, and even Jin hyung will always be willing to make you a free Strawberry milkshakes if you go to his bar,..."
Taehyung chuckles softly, "Jin hyung was so horrified when I asked for a Strawberry milkshake at the bar, instead of something alcoholic, when we had gone there, for the opening. Then right after, Jungkookie asked if they had banana milk, and then Hobi hyung also wanted banana milk, and the whole time Jin hyung kept trying to explain to us that he was serving us Single Malt Whiskey, and no one in their right mind would refuse Single Malt, but we just continued drinking our milk. I really don't think Jin hyung is gonna let the three of us back in his bar until we 'grow up'".
"Yeah, that was hilarious. I remember that." Namjoon contunued trailling his fingers on Taehyung's wrist and whispered, "but seriously Taehyungah. I hope whatever is going on with you, will get better soon. I don't want to force you into tell me anything, but apparently talking helps, so."
There was silence for a while and then Taehyung said, "Some other time. Is it ok if I tell you some other time? I'm really sleepy now."
"Hmm," Namjoon hummed sleepily, "Yeah. That's ok, good night."
"Good night, hyung."