Work Text:
::MATTHEW::
Looking over the rows and rows of various pastas and sauces, and wondering which one to possibly get, Matthew picked up a jar of Alfredo. He adjusted his glasses so that he could better see the print on the side of the jar when he was bumped into from behind, the jar flying out of his hands and shattering on the ground.
“Hey watch it,” said the strange alpha, glaring at Matthew as if somehow it was his fault even though he hadn’t moved.
“Oh, sorry,” said Matthew automatically, wringing his hands and looking around for a worker to tell about the mess.
“You should be sorry. Maybe if you weren’t so huge you wouldn’t be in everyone’s way,” said the man, adding, “Freak.”
The man walked away, shooting one more disgusted look behind himself as he did. Matthew heaved a sigh, used to remarks such as that and tracked down somebody who worked at the store. Once he told them, he was chastised to be more careful.
Matthew slumped his shoulders, staring at the ground as he walked and mentally cursed his height of six feet and three inches. He had an identical twin brother. Usually twins were the same orientation however Alfred ended up being an alpha while Matthew, the same height, was an omega. He *was* a freak and he knew it.
There was one other person who understood what he always went through though. Somebody else who experienced the same scorn and sometimes even disgust at how different they were. Somebody with whom he shared interests and shared a similar view of life.
Matthew raised his eyes when he heard his best friend and room-mate, Gilbert, loudly demanding that a deli clerk get a manager. He was an albino and so was very pale. On top of that, he was born without the ability to smell, something that alphas are usually amazing at. That was why they were able to live with each other despite Matthew’s heats coming four times a year.
Placing a calming hand on his friend’s wide shoulder, he felt the tense muscles bunching as Matthew stood over him, taller by quite significant amount. Gilbert clenched the grocery basket tightly in his one hand as was gesturing towards the back of the deli with the other.
“What’s wrong Gil?” asked Matthew in his usual soft voice.
“This asshole,” yelled Gilbert furiously pointing at another alpha behind the counter, “Was joking around with his co-workers about my albinism instead of serving me!”
Gilbert made his point while shaking his pointing hand furiously.
“Maybe you heard him wrong,” said Matthew, inwardly knowing better but hating conflict so much, “Let’s just get some pre-packaged meat and go back home.”
Gilbert gave his best glare at the deli server and stormed away, making sure that the stomp of his feet was audible. The alpha snatched up some packages of ham and salami and then waited for Matthew to catch up. As they walked together to the cash registers while Gilbert spoke, grabbing an item here or there as they moved, Matthew was secretly glad that Gilbert couldn’t smell. If he could, surely the alpha would be able to smell his slight distress from when that strange alpha encountered him by the pastas.
Most others wouldn’t smell such a subtle change in scent unless they’d know he other for a long time. Matthew and Gilbert had lived next to each other for all of their lives. They’d been best friends as soon as they’d first played outside at the same time as toddlers. Gilbert had seen Matthew through the chain link fence and immediately ran around it to play. They’d been inseparable ever since.
As Gilbert found a cashier that was available, he piled his groceries on and finished what he’d been ranting to Matthew, “And that’s why I should call the manager myself and demand to be given a gift card or something for my troubles.”
Matthew placed a separator between their stuff and put his own items on, “It’s probably not worth the hassle.”
Gilbert got out his wallet and pointed at Matthew with his debit card, “That right there is where you’re wrong Birdie.”
Gilbert finished paying and then continued, “You need to be more assertive. Take life by the horns and get what you want.”
Matthew blushed and watched his friend pack the groceries into bags. That was all true, he knew. Though if he were to follow Gilbert’s advice he might lose the one thing that was most important to him.
His friendship with Gilbert.
Because what Matthew wanted more than anything was for Gilbert to love him and take him as his mate. He’d been in love with Gilbert for probably as long as they’d been friends. But he knew that would never happen.
So instead he followed Gilbert to the car and pretended as if everything were normal.
#
After they got back to their apartment and put away all of the groceries, the two friends sat together on the couch. Gilbert lazily browsed Netflix as he sipped a beer from the bottle, feet propped up on the coffee table. Matthew worked slowly on a hard cider, which he had poured into a tall glass.
“Why don’t we binge that funny cop TV show?” asked Matthew, legs curled under him on the other side of the couch.
“Well we’d only be able to see a few before I’m headed out,” said Gilbert, picking the suggested show anyway.
“Why where are you going?” asked Matthew quietly, dreading the answer.
“The bar with Francis and Tony,” said Gilbert with a shrug, “Maybe I’ll meet my future mate there this time since those stupid dating websites aren’t working.”
Keeping his smile in place, Matthew could smell his own sadness at those words fall from him. It smelled like rain but with a tinge of bitterness to it. He would say something, admit his love. But for one thing he didn’t want to ruin his friendship with the alpha. And second, also very importantly, Matthew had seen Gilbert attempt to date many omegas. It never worked out because they couldn’t get over Gilbert’s lack of ability to smell. But it was from that Matthew knew that he wasn’t even Gilbert’s type. All of his previous dates had been shorter than Gilbert, very slender, soft. They weren’t the hulking behemoth that Matthew was, too wide shoulders, large and not at all elegant hands that would better be suited to an alpha.
No, Matthew had to keep his feelings to himself.
So Matthew said what he always did, “Oh, well good luck.”
Gilbert grinned and suggested, “Maybe you can come with and look for your future alpha.”
Not a chance, he didn’t want to see Gilbert dance and flirt with other omegas.
“I’m feeling tired right now so I’ll call it a night soon after you leave anyway,” said Matthew, taking more vigorous drinks of his cider.
“Suit yourself,” said Gilbert, pressing play on the show, “But I think you’d have a fun night out.”
After two episodes of their show, Gilbert got a text from his friends.
He patted Matthew on the shoulder and said, “Wear your earplugs in case I come home with a friend. Have a good sleep birdie.”
Gilbert pressed a chaste kiss to the top of Matthew’s head and went to his bedroom.
Very shortly after, Gilbert got dressed and left. Matthew blinked back the tears from his eyes. He got up with a shaky sigh, put his glass in the sink, and went to bed. But not before plugging his ears.
#
Matthew had woken up glad that his earplugs seemed to have worked. He was even more content to not see another pair of shoes next to Gilbert’s. That feeling made him guilty though, he should want his best friend to be happy. He spent the morning cleaning, baking fresh bread, and working on typing a paper up for work.
It was almost noon by the time Gilbert dragged himself out of bed. His eyes were bleary and he kept scrubbing his hand over his face. Matthew hopped up from his desk and fetched some pills for Gilbert’s headache and a mug of coffee he’d luckily just brewed. One sugar, one cream, just how he always liked it.
Gilbert tossed the pills into his mouth and took a large swig of coffee before letting his head fall back onto the table, “Ugh!”
“Have fun?” asked Matthew, sitting his own cup down before stepping into the adjoining kitchen and cutting some slices of bread, “I didn’t hear you come in.”
“Ja it was great, Tony and I had a drinking contest though. He should have known better than to challenge a German,” said Gilbert, voice muffled by the wood but his raspy chuckle still almost as loud as always.
“You won?” said Matthew, buttering the bread, hoping that Gilbert wouldn’t bring up his conquests or lack there of.
“Of course, who do you take me for?” said Gilbert, perking up upon seeing a slice of bread being set down on a small plate.
“How silly of me for doubting Mr.Awesome himself,” said Matthew with a brow risen.
“Damn right,” said Gilbert cheerfully but frowning after a moment and muttering, “I just wish other omegas would see that.”
Matthew wanted to scream to Gilbert that he saw it. He knew how amazing Gilbert was.
But instead, he swallowed his bite of bread and asked, “No luck?”
Gilbert shook his head, “Naw! But there’s always next weekend. And maybe I’ll surf more on that dating site. Why don’t you sign up too?”
Matthew shook his head, “Not interested.”
First, most alphas were not at all interested in Matthew. Secondly, the ones who were only wanted him because they liked rough sex and wanted a ‘sturdy omega who can handle it’. He’d been told that very thing before on a first date. Matthew didn’t think rough sex was wrong. He just knew that when he had sex, whenever that would end up being, that he’d like it soft and gentle. Tender and loving.
Therefore, he’d just decided to not bother with dating. It only ended up being depressing.
“You know, I’m sure not all alphas on those sites are as bad as the ones you first dated,” suggested Gilbert, getting to his feet.
Before Matthew could, Gilbert snatched up the plates and cups and took them to the sink to wash them.
“I know, but I have enough stuff to do anyway. I’m fine, really,” said Matthew with a smile, “Thanks for being concerned though.”
Gilbert grinned and put the last dish in the drying rack, “I just want my best friend to be happy.”
The alpha also wiped down the kitchen while he was in there, chatting away about his night and his plans for the rest of the day.
As long as it stayed this way, with the comfortable conversation, living together, Matthew would be happy. This was all he needed, he was sure. He didn’t need to say anything to Gilbert.
#
A week later he was awoken by a loud knock at his door followed by it swinging open. A bouncing alpha barged into his room and hurled himself onto Matthew’s bed.
“Birdie, Birdie, Birdie! Guess what?” shouted Gilbert, pretty much right near Matthew’s ear.
Used to this level of boisterous behaviour not only from knowing Gilbert for so many years, but also sharing a house for nearly two decades with his just as hyper alpha twin, Matthew didn’t even open his eyes.
In response, he mumbled, “What?”
“I got a date,” said Gilbert, just about vibrating the bed with his exuberance, “I’ve been talking with him all night and we’re meeting up tonight. Isn’t that great?”
That caused Matthew to open his eyes, not seeing Gilbert because he was facing the opposite direction. He stared at the light blue paint of his walls with an unblinking gaze.
“It’s wonderful Gilbert. Where are you guys going?” asked Matthew, hoping that his voice sounded sincere.
“Well-”
And Gilbert told him all of his plans. His plans for a coffee date and then catch a late-night movie. If all went well, Gilbert would kiss him on his doorstep.
He talked to Matthew about it all day. When he got ready for his date that night he wore tight black jeans, a grey button up shirt under his leather jacket.
“How do I look?” asked Gilbert, posing with his chest puffed out and a smirk on his face.
“Handsome,” smiled Matthew, hoping that maybe Gilbert would hear the sincerity behind his words.
He didn’t. Instead he laughed and said, “Why am I asking you? You have to say that, you’re my best friend!”
Matthew gave a laugh that he tried with all his might to make sound happy and afterwards said, “Yeah, you got me.”
When Gilbert left, Matthew slumped on the couch until he was lying down and he closed his eyes. Maybe he wouldn’t feel pain if he wasn’t awake.
#
Matthew must have slept much longer than he thought because it was pitch black in the room when he was awakened by the closing of a door. He sat up groggily, moving his shoulders to ease out the stiffness from sleeping on the couch. When he looked to the door he saw Gilbert leaning against it with a dopey smile on his face.
“Oh, I didn’t know you’d still be awake Birdie,” said Gilbert, taking off his shoes.
“Yeah. Have a good night?”
Gilbert all but jogged over to Matthew and flopped on the other side of the couch, just barely landing in time for Matthew to move his feet, “I know it’s only been one date but he’s so amazing. Maybe he’ll be my future mate.”
Matthew didn’t respond. Gilbert kept speaking.
“I mean, he’s perfect in every way for me. We’re going out again tomorrow night. I’m so excited.”
“I’m happy for you,” said Matthew, frowning.
“What were you up to tonight? You look kinda glum, did you watch one of those sappy sad movies again or something?”
“Or something. I’m tired, I think I’ll go to bed now.”
“Okay, wait though. Are you going to be all right?” asked Gilbert, his voice sounding genuinely concerned and didn’t that just twist the knife in Matthew’s heart further.
“I’m fine. Just exhausted. I’m glad you’re happy. Goodnight Gilbert,” said Matthew, not turning around and walking fast to his room wondering if any alphas passing by their apartment would be able to smell his severe distress.
When he got to his bedroom, he knew what he had to do. This arrangement just wasn’t healthy for him any longer. Tears streaming down his cheeks he went to his closet and got out his suitcase. When he finished packing, he reached into his bedside table and wrote a note for Gilbert.
#
::GILBERT::
When Gilbert’s eyes opened that morning he grinned and nearly floated up to his feet as if he were on cloud nine. He’d finally found somebody who genuinely didn’t seem turned off by his inability to smell. A cute little omega whose voice was almost as soft and gentle as Birdie’s.
After a quick shower and shave, Gilbert got up to see if Birdie had started breakfast. It was Monday and Gilbert had to leave for work. Matthew worked from home but would have to do work as well so he’d be up early.
However when he went into the kitchen it was empty. No coffee in the pot, no scent of cooked pancakes. The sink was dry as a bone. Gilbert looked up at the clock and knew that Matthew should be up by now. He’d just have to wake him up.
After he knocked on Matthew’s door several times, he let himself inside only to find-
Nothing. Matthew wasn’t there. All Gilbert found was a note on the bed with his name at the top.
[Gilbert:
I’m sorry that I’m not able to give you any notice, but I’m moving out. I’ll be back for the rest of my stuff later but I don’t know when. I’m sorry but please don’t call me. I won’t answer.
Goodbye,
Matthew]
After reading over the short note several times, Gilbert slackened his grip and felt it flutter out of his hands and land on the carpeted floor. He felt the blood drain from his face and he stared at the bed that obviously hadn’t been slept on.
He’d suspected something was wrong last night but he hadn’t known what. Gilbert had just accepted that Matthew was tired as he’d told him. But he hadn’t quite bought that lie. He wished, not for the first time, that he could smell what his friend was feeling like any other alpha could.
Then again, if he could smell, Gilbert wouldn’t have the same friendship with Matthew as he did. He’d never be able to be in the same apartment as Matthew when the omega was in heat. Avoiding seeing him in heat had been easy since Matthew would stay cooped up in his heat room with all of the supplies that he’d need. If he needed anything else he’d call Gilbert on the phone, who would set the stuff on the floor outside of the heat room. Matthew would wait until Gilbert was across the apartment and retrieve it.
Gilbert walked stiffly out into the kitchen and made a coffee to help him think.
What had happened to make Matthew want to move so suddenly? Had he done something wrong?
Maybe he was just upset and would cool off during the day and be back when Gilbert got home from work?
However when he got back from work late that afternoon, he could simply feel that the apartment was empty. A quick look around proved what he felt to be true. They shared cooking duty and tonight would have been Matthew’s turn but the kitchen wasn’t filled with the heat of an oven and the wonderful aroma of dinner. Instead it was cold.
Forgetting all about the date he was supposed to go on that night, Gilbert got on the phone.
It rang several times before Matthew’s twin brother picked up.
“What the hell do you want?” grumbled Alfred.
“Is Matthew there?” asked Gilbert, his voice gruff to the twin who had never failed to express his dislike of him.
“He isn’t but why would I tell you if he was?” growled Alfred.
“Because-”
Alfred interrupted him, “This is all your fault anyway.”
Gilbert opened his mouth to speak but Alfred continued.
“It’s your fault that he moved out of your place and is staying at some hotel and won’t even let me know where. Your fault!”
Gilbert froze and then blinked before he said, “How the hell is it my fault? I don’t even know what I did wrong.”
“Only because you are a complete and utter moron.”
And then Alfred hung up on him.
Kicking the wall once, leaving a small dent in the drywall, Gilbert cursed and dialled Matthew’s number.
It went to voice mail.
It took Gilbert calling twenty more times before he gave up and set the phone down on the coffee table as he collapsed on the couch. When his date for the night called, Gilbert answered and half-heartedly told the omega that he had to cancel.
He didn’t bother to plan another date. Repairing his friendship with Matthew was too important.
#
Five more days went by without a word from Matthew and Gilbert couldn’t sleep. That made it six days since he’d last seen his friend. They’d never gone that long without seeing each other. Not once. The longest they’d ever gone was two days.
As children they’d always gone to the same camps. Their parents had become very good friends, so they always went on vacations together. They travelled back and forth to college together. They’d even planned to have houses next to each other when they mated and wouldn’t ever date somebody who would keep them apart.
So to say that Gilbert felt undone was an understatement. He didn’t know what to do. He’d called Matthew many more times. He’d called until his phone battery died one night.
Matthew had always just been there, always been a part of his life. The apartment felt frigid and empty without the omega in it.
He wanted his friend back. He’d do anything to fix whatever he’d done wrong.
Sitting on his side of the couch, Gilbert stared blankly at the dark TV screen. When the phone rang he dove towards his desk for it and unplugged it.
He answered with a, “Birdie?”
A bubbly female voice answered, “Nope. It’s Felicia.”
His little brother Ludwig’s omega wife, whom he’d met at college and mated afterwards.
“We want you to come over for dinner tonight Gilbert. Everybody else is going to be there,” chirped Felicia.
A moment passed where Gilbert considered saying no and ending the phone call. He’d already been called earlier that week by his brother and turned down the invitation. Ludwig played dirty though, knowing that Gilbert couldn’t say no to Feli. Nobody could really. She was too sweet. The perfect omega really.
“Okay,” sighed Gilbert, “I’ll be there.”
She cheered and said, “See you in an hour. Don’t be late.”
“Shit,” grumbled Gilbert, hoping he didn’t miss Matthew come home when he was gone.
#
Everybody at the long table kept staring at him. The conversation wasn’t quiet, it couldn’t be with his group of family and friends. However that didn’t mean that they kept their damn eyes off of him.
At the table was Felicia and Ludwig, Tony and his omega Chiara, Francis and Arthur who were both betas, and finally his omega cousin Roderich and his Alpha Erzsébet.
Chugging down the last drops of his fifth beer that night, Gilbert slammed down the bottle and angrily stabbed his fork into the slice of cake he’d just been served.
“What crawled up your ass and died?” piped up Chiara suddenly, blunt and crude as usual.
Tony elbowed his mate but she didn’t apologize, she just took a drink of her wine.
“I think what she meant was that you seem to be in a bit of a mood my friend,” said Antonio.
Ludwig added, “Yes and where is Matthew? When I invited you earlier this week I invited him as well.”
Gilbert swallowed the bite of vanilla cake and growled. The omegas at the tale visibly flinched, though Chiara tried to hide her instinctual fear behind her hand by coughing.
“He moved out. I have no idea where he is,” snapped Gilbert, throwing his fork to the table like a petulant child.
Everybody was silent then and stared at him in full and at the same time. Nobody moved a muscle for the longest time.
“What happened? Why did he leave?” asked Ludwig, sounding genuinely concerned.
Gilbert crossed his arms and slumped in his chair, “I have no idea about both of your questions. Last week he left me a note that I found in the morning saying that he was leaving and to not call him.”
“And that’s it?” said Felicia, sounding sad.
“Yep,” said Gilbert.
“What had happened before that?” asked Francis.
Gilbert threw his hands up into the air, “I don’t know. I came back from a really great date with a guy I met online and Birdie seemed sad. I think he’d been watching a sad movie or something. And when I woke the next day he was gone. Nothing was different. I’ve been on dates before.”
There was more quiet for several seconds before Roderich clucked his tongue and said, “Well you’re an idiot.”
“What the hell?” said Gilbert, beyond irritated at the looks everybody was giving each other.
“Look, brother,” started Ludwig, before running and hand through his hair and then continuing, “Everybody was hoping you’d see it yourself but I suppose you never did.”
Gilbert got to his feet and put his fists on the table, hunching his back and giving a feral stare around at everybody, “Just spit it out.”
Ludwig also stood and said, rather irate, “Do not try to intimidate me in my own home.”
“Then tell me what ‘everybody was hoping I’d see’,” said Gilbert.
“Matthew is in love with you. He probably has been since before you two hit puberty. Ever since I could remember he would always be with you.”
“Because we’re best friends,” said Gilbert defensively but he didn’t quite understand why.
Erzsébet helpfully added, “Most best friends, especially if they’re an alpha and an omega don’t live together even when they are twenty-five.”
“So we’re unconventional friends. There’s no way he loves me, he’d have told me,” said Gilbert, feeling a twinge of panic in the back of his mind try to claw itself forward.
“Brother, we could all see how he looked at you,” said Ludwig, sitting back down and taking a drink of his own beer when he was finished speaking, looking as if he was trying to think of what else to say.
“He looked at me like I was a trusted friend,” said Gilbert, hands feeling as if they were going to shake so he shoved them into his pockets.
Francis shook his head and said, “I’d watched you two since I moved to this country at the start of high school and I could see that he looked at you as if you held the world in your hands. I’d sat next to him once when you had a date at prom that wasn’t him and slipped him some of the wine I’d snuck in because he looked as if he would cry.”
Shaking his head, Gilbert backed away from the table, “You’re wrong. You were seeing things in his actions that aren’t true. He’d have told me. I know he would have. Friends don’t keep secrets like that.”
“Maybe he thought he had to in order to keep being friends,” said Felicia.
Clamping his hands over his ears, Gilbert yelled, “Just shut up!”
Gilbert grabbed his coat and keys and dove into his car, peeling out as soon as the vehicle started.
When he was home he ran into Matthew’s empty room and stood in the middle of it, just staring around. It felt wrong to go through his personal belongings but Gilbert didn’t know what else to do. He couldn’t think straight without his best friend, the one person who’d always been his rock.
Everybody at dinner just had to be wrong. There was no way that Matthew felt the way they claimed.
There was only one place in the room that he’d find the information he needed. The second drawer on Matthew’s side table was locked and it held his diary.
It took a number of tools, including a hammer, but Gilbert got it open.
He picked up the diary, the book thick and heavy, three-quarters filled and some of the pages slightly yellowed with age. Gilbert began to read and some entries stuck out more than others:
::MATTHEW’S DIARY ENTRIES::
Dear Diary,
I had my first heat three days ago. I’m the first omega in my class to have it I think. I’m only thirteen and that’s pretty early I guess. It was short because it was the first and I just finished putting my nest stuff in the washing machine. Stupid Alfred made a face as I passed him with it all saying it smelled gross.
He’s gross.
But diary, what I don’t understand was why I kept thinking of Gilbert the whole time. He’s my best friend. Why? All I know is that I can’t tell him. He’d think I was weird.
Love, Matthew
(The page here is covered in long dried formerly wet circles and some blurred ink letters.)
Dear Diary,
It was the first day of high school today and it was already horrible. As soon as Gilbert or Alfred are away from me, everybody makes fun of me for how tall I am. They call me the Hulk. A few alphas made barfing sounds as I went by and pushed me.
What’s the worst is that at the end of the day while Gilbert and I were at our lockers, an omega came up to Gilbert and asked him out. Gilbert said yes.
I don’t know why but I’m upset and I’ve been crying since I got home.
Love, Matthew
Dear Diary,
I watched Gilbert’s new boyfriend sit with us at lunch. They’ve been dating for a week and they kiss all the time.
The good news is that I know why it upsets me.
The bad news is that I think I love Gilbert. I can’t ever let him know.
Love, Matthew
P.S- I hate grade 9. It sucks.
Dear Diary,
It was senior prom tonight. I didn’t get asked out by a single alpha. Of course. And of course I just had to give into Gilbert’s wheedling and tag along with him and his date. He insisted that somebody would dance with me and it’ll be fun.
All I could do was sit jealous that Gilbert’s date was so short, slender and beautiful. Francis eventually came over to talk and shared some wine that he’d somehow snuck in. He had a date of course and he probably just felt sorry for me. But he was fun to talk to anyway.
Eventually he left to go back to the beta he’d asked out. Some girl whose name I don’t remember, Alice I think. I went outside and sat on a bench under a tree where I could still hear the music.
I sat there for what felt like ages, waiting for prom to be done since both Gilbert and Alfred were there and my parents are out of town so one of them had to be my ride. But it didn’t end before Gilbert came outside. He wondered where I’d gone and why I was outside. I said I needed fresh air.
We sat for a while when a song came on and Gilbert stood up, a grin on his face and asked me if I’d dance with him because his best friend wasn’t leaving prom without at least one dance.
I know it’s stupid to say, but it was one of the best moments of my life. Dancing under the moonlight on the grass with muffled music in the background. I’m taller than Gilbert so the top of his head is near my lips. But I could still smell him and he smelled amazing. I wanted to rub myself all over him to have his scent on me. I didn’t of course, I’m not a total weirdo. I let him lead me, slowly, feeling his breath ghost over my neck.
I was sad for the dance to end. His date came out to look for him soon after and he had to leave. He tried to coax me back inside but I told him I’d stay outside.
It was a bitter sweet feeling overall diary, but I’m happy to have had it. Who knows if it will ever happen again.
Love, Matthew
Dear Diary,
University has been kicking my butt so I’m sorry to have written so infrequently. Remember the previous entry where I mentioned the omega across the hall in the same dorm as me? Gilbert is dating her now.
See, this is why I can’t tell Gilbert how I feel, despite how much Alfred nags at me to do so. By the way, I know that pains him to tell me because he hates Gilbert for never noticing how I feel. But it’s not Gilbert’s fault because I’ve never told him. He can’t read my mind.
I don’t want him to know. I already know he’ll turn me down. I’m not his type. He likes small and sweet omegas with elegant features.
Me? I’m a big, lumbering, hideous freak. Sure I’m his friend but he certainly wouldn’t want to mate with me. I’m nothing like the pretty omegas he looks at. I’ve never seen him look at me like that because why would he.
I’m ugly.
Love, Matthew
::GILBERT::
Unable to read any longer, Gilbert closed the book and hung his head. His hand tightened on the diary and he let out a shuddering breath. He had no idea that Matthew had really, actually loved him. Not a single clue. Gilbert wanted to hit himself for how shitty of a friend he obviously was.
He’d of course known that Matthew felt a bit down about his appearance and Gilbert tried to compliment him as a friend. But Gilbert had never really looked at Matthew like he’d look at potential mates. Not that he thought Matthew was ugly, because he wasn’t. Gilbert just had never considered Matthew as a love interest. He’d always been as close to him as family and you didn’t lust after family. It had just never occurred to him.
All of this, however, did not explain why Matthew left the apartment.
Gilbert turned to some of the more recent entries in Matthew’s diary:
::MATTHEW’S DIARY ENTRIES::
Dear Diary,
I know that he’s never going to look at me like I want him to. If he were to notice how I felt, he’d have done it by now. Honestly, I’m just happy that I can still be with him in even this way. I can still take care of him. Really we live a lot like most other mates would. Only he goes out to bars and sometimes brings omegas back to sleep with them.
I just use ear plugs to block out the sounds of him fucking somebody else. It’s his life after all and he can do what he wants to. In no way does he have to be loyal to me. That doesn’t stop it from hurting though.
I...I just don’t know any more diary.
Love, Matthew
Dear Diary,
I’m leaving. I have to. Gilbert just came back from a date and he’s already pondering a future with this omega. He’s done it before and I understand that it’s just excitement about getting to know somebody new. But I just can’t do this any more. One day the omega he dates will be ‘the one’. I can’t watch him get mated and have kids.
I may be selfish to leave my oldest and closest friend so suddenly but my heart and my soul can’t take it any longer. I need to leave. I need to go some place and maybe, just maybe, move on with my life.
I suspect, however, that I will always love him.
Love, Matthew
::GILBERT::
Gilbert had fallen asleep on Matthew’s bed that night, having laid down after reading that very last written page. He’d laid and stared at the ceiling for hours before sleep crept up on him and he passed out.
When he awoke it was to a splash of sun on his face. Groaning, Gilbert heaved himself up and put the diary back. He didn’t know why he’d bothered, since the drawer was quite obviously broken from where Gilbert pried it open. He’d have to explain that to Matthew if the omega ever returned.
He spent the rest of the day thinking about Matthew. If Birdie came back, what would he do? How did he feel about Matthew? He always thought they were just friends but Gilbert recalled all the times he’d give Matthew chaste kisses. He remembered the times he’d give the omega long hugs.
Sure he loved Matthew but did he loved him as more than a friend? What did that even feel like? What was the difference between romantic love and loving a friend so much that you couldn’t live without them?
He didn’t go to work the next day, or the day after. He didn’t eat, he only drank. He hardly slept. All he could do was think. He also dragged out countless photos of his friend that he kept in meticulously organized albums. It was then he realized something very important. Matthew was more than just not ugly.
He was downright stunning. How hadn’t he noticed it before?
One night he fell asleep on Matthew’s bed, empty bottle of beer clutched in his hand. Normally he’d be at work but he didn’t even bother to call in so it wasn’t an alarm that woke him.
No, it was the shutting of the front door.
Popping awake and jumping to his feet, wobbling a bit from the hangover and the lack of food, Gilbert stumbled to the front room. He came face to face with Matthew, whose eyes were bloodshot, dark circles under them. The omega’s jaw was slack and his hand clenched tight to the strap of the bag slung over his shoulder.
They stared, a moment of silence passing before Matthew asked, “Gilbert? What’s wrong? Shouldn’t you be at work?”
Gilbert couldn’t stop the words from coming out like a flood, “What’s wrong? What’s wrong!? You left without telling me why. I had no idea where you were and not even your twin knew either. You could have been dead.”
Gilbert began to pace, not paying any attention to how dizzy he felt from hunger, “Then I find out that you’ve been in love with me for years and didn’t tell me. Why? Why couldn’t you have told me?”
Turning to face Matthew now, Gilbert stalked towards him. He noticed the omega flinch back and stare at him, eyes wide and scared.
Matthew whispered, “I don’t know.”
Gilbert walked forth until Matthew was backed against a wall and he was a hair’s breadth away. The alpha grit his teeth and said, “I’m so damn confused.”
“Gilbert, I’m sorry. I never wanted you to find out.”
“And have you be miserable forever because of me? Because of all the times I’d hurt you?”
Matthew shook his head, “You never hurt me on purpose.”
Gilbert heard the tremble in Matthew’s voice and saw the glaze of tears. All of this would be so much easier if he could smell. He’d know how the omega felt and would be able to send the right smell to calm him down. Instead, all he could do was put a hand on Matthew’s cheek.
“But I still did. And I fucking hate myself for it,” said Gilbert, rubbing Matthew’s face with his thumb, “Do you know how miserable I’ve been since you’ve been gone? My life is empty without you.”
Matthew leaned his face into Gilbert’s touch.
“I’m sorry,” Said Matthew again, so quiet.
“Stop apologizing. That should be my job,” said Gilbert and then had a thought, or more like an urge, “Can I try something?”
Matthew blinked owlishly and said, “I, um, sure?”
“I want to kiss you.”
“But-”
“May I?” asked Gilbert, moving his hand back to touch Matthew’s soft, so soft curly blond hair.
Matthew nodded and Gilbert brought their lips together. The omega’s lips were so soft, warm, and just ever so slightly damp from all the times he’d chew on them. Gilbert began to kiss in earnest and Matthew responded eagerly, laying his hands upon Gilbert’s chest. Tangling his hands into the omega’s hair, Gilbert ran his tongue along the seam of Matthew’s lips and was granted entrance immediately.
They kissed, leaning against that wall until they had to part to catch their breath.
“Wow,” gasped Gilbert, hands still in blond curls.
He’d thought it was the most amazing kiss he’d ever had. Though when he looked up into Matthew’s eyes he saw them glaze over with tears.
“Wait, what’s wrong?” asked Gilbert, running his free hand over Matthew’s cheek.
“You don’t need to be with me out of pity just because you want me to stay,” murmured Matthew.
“I’m not,” said Gilbert with a finality in his voice that he felt suddenly to the very core of his being, “Since you left, I’ve realized something.”
Gilbert cleared with throat and then continued, “I’m in love with you. I think maybe I have been deep down for a very long time as well.”
A single tear feel from Matthew’s eyes and he sniffled, “There’s no way. Then why didn’t you ever act on it or look at me as if you wanted me?”
“Is, ‘Because I’m an idiot’ a valid response, because that’s the answer Birdie,” said Gilbert leaning his head against Matthew’s shoulder and having an urge to sink his teeth into the skin right there, “I never looked at you because we were friends. I just didn’t think of it as an option.”
The omega was quiet and for once, Gilbert actually felt as if he knew what Matthew was thinking, “And it had nothing to do with how you look. In fact, I’m surprised I didn’t notice how truly hot and fuck-able you really are sooner. You are gorgeous.”
Matthew was silent for the longest time and Gilbert wondered what he was thinking. He didn’t look up yet, just kept his head on Matthew’s shoulder and breathed in the omega’s scent, committing it to memory in case he never got to smell it again. Who knew if Birdie would want to be with him now, after Gilbert had hurt him for so many years.
“You really think that? You aren’t just saying it?” said Matthew.
Gilbert stood back so that he could look up into Matthew’s eyes and said, “You are sexy.”
Matthew’s face was red and Gilbert wanted to reach out and poke the omega’s cheek, but then the world started to spin and he fell to his knees.
“Gilbert!” said Matthew, worry filling his voice.
Holding his head, Gilbert groaned, “Damn.”
Kneeling in front of Gilbert, Matthew tried to get a peek at the alpha’s face, “You haven’t eaten I can smell it on you. I’ll make you food after I help you to the couch.”
Allowing himself to be supported, Gilbert flopped onto the couch as soon as he reached it, “I wish I could smell. I wish I could have known sooner.”
::MATTHEW::
Matthew averted his eyes from Gilbert, who wasn’t even looking at him anyway. He’d come back to retrieve more of his belongings. When he’d left home, he knew that Gilbert wouldn’t been happy. Though it wasn’t as if they were mates, so his absence shouldn’t have affected Gilbert this much.
Yet when he came into the house he was almost instantly overwhelmed with the pungent scent of despair. Gilbert’s sorrow and hunger.
Matthew cooked up the first thing he could throw together, a couple of grilled cheese and ham sandwiches. Normally he’d serve it with a beer but under the smell of sadness there was the lingering scent of beer. Gilbert had been drinking too much. So Matthew poured him an orange juice.
As he cooked he pointedly ignored what had happened. The kiss, the admitted feelings. He didn’t want to think of any of it because he had no idea what would happen when Gilbert recovered.
By the time he got back out to the living room, Gilbert was asleep, snoring loudly as usual. He needed to eat more than he needed sleep though.
Poking at his friend’s cheek, Matthew said, “Wake up, food is ready.”
Gilbert’s eyes popped open right away. He was a fairly light sleeper. A faint smile crept onto Gilbert’s face and he sat up, stretching his arms above his head as he yawned.
“You are too kind to me Birdie,” said Gilbert, taking the offered plate and eating right away, quickly.
Partway through the first sandwich, he frowned with his mouth still full of food. The effect was rather comical and Matthew couldn’t help but giggle.
That made Gilbert frown harder and Matthew to, therefore, laugh harder.
“What?” said Gilbert when he finally swallowed, ending with another frown.
“You’re funny, you know that?” said Matthew with another quiet chuckle.
“So you’ve told me,” said Gilbert, placing his sandwich down onto the plate on his lap.
“What’s wrong?” asked Matthew, moving to sit beside his friend.
Gilbert closed his eyes before putting his head back to rest on the back of the couch, “You’ve always been so kind to me and then I read your diary and find out you’ve been in love with me so long. I’ve been hurting you for so long Matt.”
Part of Matthew was upset that his privacy had been violated, but that didn’t last for long. If the person reading his private thoughts had been anybody else, Matthew would have been pissed for weeks. With Gilbert though, it somehow wasn’t so bad.
“First thing, Gil, please don’t read my diary again without asking,” said Matthew as firmly as he could muster.
Gilbert nodded quickly.
“Second- I was nice to you because you are my friend. Yes I-” paused Matthew, feeling awkward admitting freely to emotions he’d kept hidden for so long, “Love you. But that wasn’t why I treated you like that. I mean, probably.”
Gilbert’s eyes widened, “You still love me?”
Matthew blushed and said, “Yes of course.”
Grinning ear to ear, Gilbert cheered, knocking his sandwiches to the ground in his excitement.
#
Two months went by in no time. Matthew shouldn’t have been surprised to find that not much changed. Really, they’d acted like mates already. The only thing that was different was the fact that they’d kiss.
A lot.
Matthew loved Gilbert’s kisses. He loved to cuddle with his boyfriend and snuggle close in bed.
What he had yet to build up the courage to do was sex. Anything even related to it. He didn’t even want to show himself naked to the alpha. They hadn’t seen each other that way since they’d played, “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours” as children.
What if Gilbert thought his huge hulking body was ugly after all?
Sighing, Matthew walked back into the apartment after doing some shopping. As soon as he set his three bags down and locked the door he heard a voice come from their bedroom.
“Biiiirdie?” called Gilbert, drawing out his name in a low tone of voice, “Come here.”
Curious and general feeling the urge to listen to a request from his alpha, Matthew did as asked. He went to the bedroom he now shared with Gilbert.
He immediately flushed red.
Laying on the bed on his side was Gilbert. Naked as the day he was born. His fist was wrapped around his erection, the tip rosy red. His scent was deep and dark and beckoned Matthew.
“W-w-what are you doing?” said Matthew, frozen to the spot.
“Seducing you,” purred Gilbert, “Is it working? No really babe I can’t smell if it is or not.”
Matthew licked his lips and shifted so that his growing erection wasn’t obvious. Of course Matthew found Gilbert incredibly attractive. Who wouldn’t? He was gorgeous. But…
Matthew began to tremble. He, himself, was hideous. He knew it.
Before he knew it, Gilbert was in front of him, pulling his hands away from his face and looking up at him.
“We don’t have to do this,” said Gilbert, “But I’d really like to know why. How can I make you more comfortable?”
Gilbert had been so sweet and attentive since they got together. WOnderful and loving and perfect. Matthew had to tell him.
“I’m scared you won’t be attracted to me any more if you see me naked,” said Matthew, lower lip wobbling.
“I’ve told you before that you are super sexy. So why would me seeing you naked change my mind?” said Gilbert, brow raised.
“Because every omega you’ve been with before me has been shorter than you and slender, “said Matthew dolefully, “I’m huge and built more like an alpha.”
“So?” said Gilbert a tad roughly, “Who says I can only be attracted to one type of omega?”
Matthew blinked several times before meeting Gilbert’s eyes, “You really mean that?”
Gilbert stroked his still rock hard cock and said, “Hell yes.”
Then he took Matthew’s hand and led him to the bed before sitting next to him and pressing an urgent kiss to his lips, delving his tongue in and taking control, hand weaving into Matthew’s hair, dipping the omega’s head back.
When Gilbert broke apart he pressed his forehead to Matthew’s and said, “You still don’t have to do this with me, but please, talk to me. I need to know whether I should jerk off again or not. I don’t mind though, really.”
He felt the tip of Gilbert’s cock against his upper leg and it was hot and wet even through Matthew’s pants. The alpha’s voice came out in heavy pants as if he was trying hard to control himself, a bead of sweat rolled down the side of his face.
“I want this. I have wanted this for a long time,” Whispered Matthew, reaching over and placing his hand on Gilbert’s shoulder, “Please.”
Lowering his head and placing a kiss onto Matthew’s chest, Gilbert ran his hand down the omega’s side. He kissed down, dragging the tips of his fingers lightly over Matthew’s skin, drawing out a soft sigh. Being touched like this for the first time in his life felt wonderful. He was finally going to be with an alpha, the alpha of his dreams.
Gilbert made quick work of pulling off Matthew’s slacks and his shirt, leaving him just in his underwear. Slipping the tips of his index and middle fingers into the band of Matthew’s briefs, Gilbert slid them down slowly, staring down at what he revealed as if it were the most wonderful sight he’d witnessed.
“You’ve grown since we were kids,” said Gilbert in awe.
In a shaky tone as his half erect cock was grasped gently and stroked, he replied, “I should hope so.”
Gilbert moved his hand up, and then down, pulling with him Matthew’s foreskin, revealing the head of his cock. The alpha dipped his head down and flicked his tongue at the slit. Matthew gasped and clapped a hand over his mouth. Having never had sex, and then going so long without even touching himself out of fear that his alpha would find out and be sad, Matthew’s senses were on fire. He would have bucked his hips If not for the strong hand holding them down.
Gilbert slowly suckled at the tip of Matthew’s cock as his thick fingers stroked down, cupping his relatively small omega testicles and down over his perineum. His fingers slipped over the slick Matthew felt down there already.
“You’re so wet for me Birdie,” rasped Gilbert as he moved his mouth away from Matthew’s erection.
“Uh-huh” mumbled Matthew from behind his hand.
He let out a cry when he felt a finger slide into him easily as well as more of his dick going into Gilbert’s mouth. More slick positively dripped out of him, Matthew felt it drip down his skin, cooling slightly in the air of the room.
As soon as Gilbert pushed a second finger in Matthew felt that familiar tightness grow in his belly before he made a silent scream and came. It was a dry orgasm, he wasn’t a squirter like some male omegas. Gilbert kept sucking until Matthew put a shaking hand on his head. He couldn’t speak but Gilbert understood and moved his mouth off the still rather aroused prick.
Still, Gilbert focused on opening Matthew up and before he knew it, his legs were hoisted over the alpha’s shoulders, a blunt tip against his entrance.
“Are you ready?” said Gilbert, voice deeper than Matthew had ever heard it, normally red eyes with a wide pupil.
Matthew nodded, beyond words of the skin against him and the safe feeling of his alpha over him.
And then he felt pain. There was no helping it. When aroused, a different passage opened in the omega, which led to the uterus. He’d never used toys. He wanted his alpha to be the first and he was so glad it was Gilbert. Tears sprung up in his eyes and he felt a tiny sob leave him.
Gilbert’s eyes were wide and snapped to his face right away, “Oh god am I hurting you that badly?”
More crying and a choked out, “No. I’m just so happy.”
Gilbert nuzzled Matthew’s chest and pressed gentle kisses over his heart, “Ja?
Matthew nodded and smiled, “I am hurt but I’ve just never felt this before. I’ve never even used a toy during heat. You’re the first to be in me.”
Gilbert shuddered and closed his eyes, “Shit Birdie, you’re going to make me cum too soon if you keep saying stuff like that.”
With his free hand, Gilbert stroked Matthew’s cheeks and pressed more kisses to his chest. He didn’t move though, and before long Matthew told him that he could move.
So he did.
Gilbert was gentle, so gentle, soft and slow and always pressing sweet kisses on his body and lips. The pain quickly morphed into a scorching pleasure that rippled through Matthew’s body making him curl his toes. Every thrust hit all of the right spots inside of him and he grasped onto Gilbert wherever he could, legs slipping from his shoulders to wrap around the alpha’s torso.
As they slowly approached their end, touching and loving, Gilbert leaned in sniffling Matthew’s neck.
“I wish I could smell you right now,” he ground out and licked Matthew’s neck right where he should bite, “I wish I could taste you properly.”
Matthew was too deep in his pleasure to speak, so full and surrounded and loved, he just bared his neck further and whimpered, “I need-”
He didn’t have to finish before he felt teeth break his skin and he let out a cry of pain before the feeling morphed to ecstasy and he crashed into his orgasm.
Teeth still holding onto him, Gilbert thrust twice more before filling Matthew, growling into the mating mark.
They stayed like that for a while, Matthew didn’t know because he kept slipping in and out of sleep. He felt Gilbert pull out gently and press a kiss to both of his knees before bringing back a warm cloth and cleaning him up. When that was done he wrapped them both in a thick blanket and began to gently lick his mating mark clean, snuffling at it on instinct even though he couldn’t smell.
Matthew eased open his eyes and looked at Gilbert when the alpha pulled away. He smiled and shuffled down so that he could rest his head on his mate’s chest.
“I love you so much, you know that?” said Matthew, yawning half-way through his sentence.
“I do,” said Gilbert, stroking the omega’s hair, “And I love you too.”