Work Text:
i) a rain scene
its the last day of school and they're actually graduating. there's this beautifully restless feeling that culminates in the whole group deciding to go out of school to get fried chicken. except it starts raining, huge fat drops of rain amidst the sunshine, and everyone's screaming and running. mark grabs donghyuck by the hand and he pulls his boyfriend under a sad excuse of a shelter that does nothing to stop the rain and kisses him. its quick and light because they're still in their uniforms, but its so wet.
"god those cheesy romance films never really show just how wet kissing in the rain is huh?"
but the warmth that radiates from their intertwined hands and donghyuck's smile makes mark's knees a little weak. they continue running then, towards their friends and the promise of fried chicken, not looking back.
ii) a kissing scene
kisses in the rain are wet and too quick but kisses in the toilet during lunch break are slow and too heavy, too much. its so easy for them to get lost in each other. donghyuck is always so eager, kissing and biting until he’s out of breath and then tilting his head so mark can kiss his neck and he can wrap his fingers in mark's curly hair. they're aware that this is crazy but they don't care. donghyuck especially loves to pull him in by his tie, almost convinces mark to pull it off and over his eyes but he vehemently refuses (and if the suggestion made his stomach swoop dangerously, that was something donghyuck didn't need to know. he does repay the favour in kind by sweeping donghyuck off his feet one day after completing a safety training courses, the one with the fireman's lift. although, donghyuck was sure to make his feelings known.)
iii) a break up scene (bc there's more than one)
there's a pit in his stomach that has slowly, imperceptibly spread to settle in his chest like a heavy weight that’s making it hard to breathe and hard to think — he's paralysed staring at his phone screen, wondering what he's supposed to tell donghyuck.
donghyuck, who's waiting for him. donghyuck, who he hasn’t seen for 2 weeks because they have both been preoccupied with starting college in 2 different neighbourhoods. 2 weeks might as well be eternity to them after the comfortable routine of seeing each other everyday.
he should just be honest. "hey, i fucked up and got on the wrong bus. i'm sorry."
he types it out. he doesn’t even know how he’d gotten on the wrong bus. he’d been held up after class and had to run to the bus stop and somehow, jumped on the first one that came along… god why the fuck was he so bad at asking for directions?
as the bus cruises onto the highway, preventing mark from alighting and changing buses, he’s imagining the crushed look on donghyuck's face and he still doesn’t send the damned text.
donghyuck doesn't talk to him for a whole week.
iv) the before
donghyuck can't believe he caught himself singing taylor swift songs. its just, thinking about mark's smile makes him so fucking giddy. he can't even bring himself to be embarrassed when chenle accidentally opens the door to find mark giving him a swift peck on the lips. amidst the screeching of "eww, gross!" and the hurried scurrying to share his misfortune with jisung, donghyuck can be heard shamelessly proclaiming that there wasn't anyone around until chenle came along. meanwhile mark, the poor fool, blushes hard enough to rival a tomato.
they fell in love under the giant umbrella on the deck in school as the rain beat down around them. its summer, and mark had texted donghyuck (or had donghyuck texted him? he can't remember) about doing holiday homework in school. something about being more productive together? they were never that close to begin with despite being in the same class, mark preferring to hang out with jeno while donghyuck, jaemin and renjun run amok leaving chaos in their wake. donghyuck wants to laugh in his face at the suggestion. in fact he does, but the afternoon heat melts into a summer shower and somehow they find themselves lying on the grass, sheltered by the giant umbrella and listening to The Fray. and that's it.
they don't become the golden couple or anything like that. but they're together for long enough that people know. mark and donghyuck, or as their friends call them, markhyuck. donghyuck scoffs but secretly he likes it. tries to imagine them married then bursts into hysterical laughter when he realises he won’t even have to change his last name, which earns him an incredulous, “you've only just realised?” from renjun.
that's the problem though. donghyuck loves mark. loves him so fucking much it hurts, and sometimes he can't bring himself to say it. years and years of denying himself the freedom to love whoever he wanted had left deep wounds that he can’t expect to heal overnight, even with the knowledge that he was being well and truly loved.
the internal homophobia (a term donghyuck only coins in hindsight with no small amount of bitterness) manifests itself in grating sarcasm and the capacity to pick fights for no good reason.
“yknow, it sure feels like jeno hates me.”
mark startles at that. “what, why would you say that?”
“he always seems so cold towards me… its not like i’m not trying to be friendly.” he can hear the pettiness in his voice and yet, he is powerless to stop the words from coming out of his mouth until its too damn late.
“hyuck. i’m sure he doesn’t hate you okay.” god he sounds so sick of my nonsense.
“i’m just saying, what if he does?”
“look can we just. drop it already? its not like we have to hang out with jeno.”
“okay… if you say so…”
and another fight:
“do you enjoy making me hurt, hyuck?” ouch.
there was no way to explain what he said. “i- no- come on mark you know i didn’t mean it like that…”
“i really didn’t need to hear you talking to some guy you told me you don’t have feelings for anymore. you’re my boyfriend. fucking act like it.”
in the end, they were the lucky ones. jeno and his boyfriend gets caught, and they're pressured into going for counselling, for being gay. the breakup is messy and bitter, and its donghyuck, holding jeno close as tears stream down both of their faces, that swears he won't get caught. he doesn’t take into account the possibility that he could be the reason for his own relationship falling apart.
v) a year later
"take these back."
he holds out a whole stack of papers and a book. it was donghyuck's present for mark's 16th birthday. he had read david levithan's a lover's dictionary and annotated everything that reminded him of mark. and he had written out all the poems he had ever dedicated to mark on his poetry tumblr. it had taken a week of painstaking work and god. it felt like his heart broke all over again and the ink on those pages looked like blood.
"why the fuck would i do that?"
"because i don't want them anymore." mark is really saying this, with a straight face, looking into his eyes and donghyuck feels himself shaking and he tries so hard to control himself.
"i gave them to you. it was a gift."
"look. if you won't take them back i'm going to throw them away."
"you don't need my permission do you? you've always done what you wanted anyway."
he threw them all away and donghyuck has to find out from jeno and the betrayal is so sharp, he can never think about it without feeling like he wants to throw up. like his heart is going to come back out again.
vi) 6 June 2011
mark was calling him. right now. on his birthday. what the fuck did he want anyway? donghyuck doesn't have time to think. he answers the phone. they spend 3 hours talking. his cell is hot and sticky with sweat by the end of the night, and he's confused as to what just happened. did they just get back together?
2 August 2012
donghyuck is honest to god getting locked out of the house for the night. this is the first time its ever happened. once the shock wears off, he can only laugh hollowly. its mark's birthday and he can't even let him enjoy his damn party in peace. mark has holed himself in the toilet twice in order to talk to his boyfriend and make sure he's okay. it gets colder as the night goes on.
"i love you."
"i love you too."
vii) come over
this isn’t even his first time at mark’s house yet he’s nervous as hell, standing outside the front door for a solid five minutes like a complete fool. why does it feel like he’s simultaneously going to pee himself and have his whole heart fall through his ribs?
he doesn’t know how he psyches himself up to finally ring the doorbell but suddenly he’s eating the food that his boyfriend had cooked for him. it wasn’t even a competition but mark is winning by a landslide. he even fetched a pair of fluffy slippers for him? how is this boy even real.
the next order of business is to watch Friends because mark is the type of nerd that owns the entire box set of 10 seasons and they take way too long to pick an episode and then when they finally do, donghyuck can’t help but start rubbing little circles on mark’s thigh. he can tell mark is trying his best to resist, through the glares he keeps sending donghyuck’s way but donghyuck can’t even help himself. they’re alone in the apartment and there’s sexual tension on the television screen and oops — yup mark finally gives in and they’re making out on the couch.
“now that i’ve kissed you, will you please watch the episode? can we get through at least one please hyuck?” and its adorable, it really is, mark pleading with his huge bambi eyes but donghyuck relishes how he keeps glancing down at his lips anyway and he’s closer to breathlessness than steady breathing. donghyuck nods innocently and plays along, even scooting to the opposite end of the couch so only their feet are touching (much to mark’s consternation). but they don’t even make it through half the episode before someone (mark) pounces on the other (donghyuck) and they blissfully ignore ross’ misogynistic comments in favour of kissing each other silly.
viii) break up scene part deux
mark can’t believe he’s caught himself making excuses for donghyuck again. surely he knows him better than that? its been 4 years god damn it. but somehow, it felt like mark was always giving donghyuck so much of himself, he practically bends over backwards to make sure he’s happy and is never wanting of anything, and at the end of the day donghyuck can dismiss his efforts without any semblance of care for mark’s feelings, and mark is tired.
when they first agreed to be together, mark was still stinging from the death of his mother and donghyuck had been there, to provide comfort with none of the cloying pity he had grown to hate with a passion. despite the two not being close, donghyuck had been there at the funeral, no questions asked. and after that, he had always remembered to check in and make sure mark was doing alright. he became dependent on the attention, it was easier than acknowledging the pain. perhaps he had grown a little too dependent.
ix) bad poetry on tumblr
donghyuck, who was failing math and had his head in the clouds for any lesson that wasn’t english literature, wrote poetry. and it was even kind of good? mark lets him know as much and is surprised when donghyuck, who isn’t afraid to proclaim how gay he is on twitter, gets all embarrassed and shy about it. he scratches the back of his neck, avoiding eye contact as he mumbles “thanks”.
mark knows he’s doomed. he knows he shouldn't keep doing this, shouldn't give in to his boyfriend's lack of accountability when he does something wrong and taking mark's feelings for granted, just because he writes pretty little poems that makes mark feel like the most special boy in the world.
yet he chooses to ignore those thoughts. and with a careless shrug, he leans forward to kiss donghyuck until his hands end up on mark’s neck instead.
he gets several more poems dedicated to him for that.
x) walk you home
they take the longer way home by bus because it means spending more time together, ending the day together. meandering through quiet gated neighbourhoods as the sun sets and casts long shadows on their intertwined hands. in all honesty, its mark sending donghyuck home because its in between school and his own house and donghyuck feels bad sometimes, but he can’t deny that he loves being spoiled. he’s always the one tugging mark back after his tenth time saying, “ok i really have to go now hyuck”, only to pout and not actually say anything. it drives mark insane but his feet still don’t move anyway. for a moment, time is disregarded in favour of letting unsaid feelings fill the space between them. its not like they’re not going to see each other again tomorrow.
its not like they're not going to spend the rest of their lives together.
except they don't know that. they never speak of the future because fuck, its so uncertain and they're terrified because it might not work out. but they hold on to the slim chance that it might. that they're strong enough to face themselves and the world together. that if they ever get lost, they might still find a place in this world someday.
and so each day ends with all these unsaid thoughts, until they can no longer ignore life passing them by and they part.