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Kyungwon felt as if she was holding a lit match and always blew it out before it burned her fingers. Every time it was nearer and nearer them and she wouldn’t deny she felt kind of down ever since summer vacation had started. She liked how university kept her busy— which meant it left her no time to think, which was her real problem. She always thought too much and too deep, which made her feel like that.
That day she was near the river again. It was narrow but it ran like one of the big ones Kyungwon saw on TV when she was a kid. She was looking at it with her camera hanging from her neck. She was hoping to take some pictures. Then she saw her.
It was Kim Yewon from a few houses next to hers. Kyungwon had never talked to her but she seemed nice and everyone said and sworn she was an angel. She had seen her a few times when they were in high school. She had a pretty smile. It shone, and when Kyungwon had to take the pictures for the yearbook she always found that photographing Yewon was fascinating. But, still, they had never talked and it wasn’t like it affected them in any ways. It was just that Kyungwon had once or twice felt that if they had talked their lives would be different now. But that happened with everyone and giving it much thought wouldn’t change the situation, so Kyungwon tried not to think about that.
Yewon was picking some flowers and Kyungwon frowned. She never thought people actually did that. Maybe they were for her someone at the cemetery— Kyungwon had heard she went there every Thursday. She had seen her doing so, but she thought the flowers she took there were bought. Maybe Yewon liked to personally pick them and thought that that had more meaning, but Kyungwon decided not to give that much thought. It wasn’t her deal, after all, so she just watched her from a certain distance.
She couldn’t tell the expression Yewon had on her face and felt the urge to take a photo. She felt as if she would understand a different layer of feelings if she took a picture of her in that mere instant. But she didn’t do it. She realized she would never be able to capture that feeling in a picture, ever. And when she thought that, Yewon noticed her presence. Kyungwon tried not to freak out in that mere instant. She looked somewhere else and left the river doing something similar to running. She felt different. She didn’t know if it was good different or bad different. She just felt as if her world changed a bit. Maybe she didn’t have to talk to Yewon to make her world change. Maybe just looking at her was enough (and her looking back was too much).
The library was a place Kyungwon liked a lot. It was quiet and it smelt nice. It was also very aesthetically pleasing. Old bookshelves and books of all colors there, in line, the dust and kind of dirty windows, the old staircase. She loved to pass time at the library— that until Kang Yaebin became the librarian.
She didn’t dislike Kang Yaebin. She wasn’t sure if she liked her, either. She always started talking when she borrowed her books, which made Kyungwon feel things she never felt when out of the library. When talking to Yaebin she felt as if her heart was aesthetically pleasing.
“Photography books again, huh? You must really like taking pictures, Kang Kyungwon.” Yaebin said as she looked at the books Kyungwon gave her. She never borrowed them right away— she always commented something about them and always called Kyungwon by her full name (sometimes even adding something about being the cooler Kang or whatnot).
“Yes.” Kyungwon said. Yaebin chuckled, and instead of borrowing the books once and for all she placed her shoulders on the table and her head on her hands.
“Are you studying photography or something?” She asked. Kyungwon nodded. Yaebin chuckled again. “You’re a woman of few words, I see.” And her smile had something really stunning about it, something that made you want to stare at it forever. It reminded Kyungwon of Kim Yewon’s smile, but this one had a different quality about it: it didn’t shine, it froze.
Kyungwon didn’t answer. She seemed cool but was just shy and Yaebin wasn’t giving her her books. And she wanted her to give her her books, because conversations weren’t something Kyungwon did or got involved in, and she didn’t plan on them to be.
“Then, what do you think?” Yaebin said, smiling. Kyungwon frowned lightly.
“About what?” She asked. Her voice sounded hoarse yet innocent.
“About me. Am I beautiful? Would you take a picture of me?” She asked, and her smile was extraordinary and her voice something else. Her eyes had fire in them and Kyungwon almost gulped because of how playful and youthful they looked. That was the exact moment Kang Kyungwon realized Kang Yaebin was truly beautiful.
“I would.” She managed to mutter after what appeared to be too much time. Yaebin’s smile turned real big and and she looked down. Kyungwon had never seen her act like that before.
“You know what people like to hear,” She said, her voice giggly. “But I’m not going to lend you this books longer than usual just because you say those things to me, you flirt.” And Kyungwon didn’t know how to feel. Kang Yaebin was blushing and seemed softer than usual. Kang Kyungwon took her books and left. Yaebin said bye. Kyungwon did, too. Maybe talking wasn’t that bad, she thought, as she ran to her house and her heart raced crazily.
Jung Eunwoo was always screaming, somewhere, and Kyungwon always ran into her, everywhere. It was a bunch of weird coincidences, to say the least. Now she was at the supermarket. She had a box of green tea in her hands and suddenly heard a scream, then things falling and rolling on the ground. It was Jung Eunwoo and she dropped something again, for sure.
“Dammit! For the love of God… Geez. Holy Molly. I’m… Damn mate.” And she kept and kept adding exclamations to her sentence as Kyungwon walked where she was and helped her pick up all the oranges she let fall. Kyungwon gave them to her and was about to leave when she looked at her. She was smiling.
“Thanks!” Eunwoo said. She looked like she had just woken up (even if it was nine PM), but that didn’t mean she looked bad. Her hair was just a bit messy and her eyes screamed they would rather be closed, but her smile was as awake as ever. “These supermarket bags are terrible to carry thirty oranges at once, huh?” And it sounded like something you’d say any day at any time, a normal excuse. And when she said it, it sounded like it was. Jung Eunwoo had the ability to turn the extraordinary into ordinary.
Kyungwon frowned a bit at that but she did without thinking. Eunwoo sighed and started walking. Kyungwon knew she wanted her to walk next to her so she did so. Then Eunwoo started talking.
“You see, my roommate went bonkers last month and now only drinks this weird healthy juices that taste like grass and smell terrible. You know that celery thing? She loves it. The thing is today she was real mad because there weren’t any more oranges around and I said it was because she used all of them but she said it was my fault because I drew faces on some of them and then we had a fight so I now bought thirty oranges so she’ll stop whining once and for all.” They were in the line to pay, now. “What about you?” And Kyungwon felt flashbacks to all the times she’d gone to the library and felt as if words didn’t exist anymore. It took her exactly one minute to answer but Jung Eunwoo didn’t seem like she was in a hurry.
“Tea. I came here to buy some tea.” She said, not sounding natural at all. For some reason she always had trouble speaking to that kind of people, people like Jung Eunwoo— the type of person you could confuse with an angel in all senses of the word.
“Tea? I wish I could drink tea, but I already told you my house is just healthy juices and celery now. Damn, life’s rough and it’s cruel. Maybe I could go to your place sometime, huh? We could drink some tea and talk behind people’s back like a pair of gossiping grandmas. Wouldn’t it be nice?” She said. Kyungwon nodded, her eyes big as plates. Eunwoo chuckled. “Yeah, it’d be nice.” She sighed. Kyungwon liked how she answered to her own questions as if she was in a monologue sort of thing. It made her feel okay with the fact that she didn’t speak much.
So Eunwoo and her payed and left the supermarket together. Eunwoo smiled at her under the moonlight and Kyungwon felt kind of mesmerized.
“So, I guess it’s bye-bye time.” Eunwoo said, hugging her (now two) bags of oranges.
“Yeah.” Kyungwon looked down. She didn’t know what to do.
“Hope I can see you around.” She heard Eunwoo say. “What’s your name again?”
“Kang Kyungwon.” Kyungwon answered. Eunwoo looked up, like she remembered something.
“Kang, huh? Let’s be great friends.” Eunwoo extended her hand, and, in something similar to an impulse, Kyungwon took it.
“Let’s.” She answered. And she didn’t feel sorry about it.
It was as if Bae Sungyeon was about to freak out, sometimes. She was almost in charge of the local coffee-shop and to Kyungwon it seemed as if she got stressed out easily. But that wasn’t bad. It wasn’t good, either. Kyungwon also thought that maybe Sungyeon was the person who drank the most coffee out of everyone in the store, but that was just a hypothesis.
“Same as always?” Sungyeon asked as Kyungwon entered the store. Kyungwon nodded. She had started to go there frequently ever since summer had started. It made her feel less alone.
Kyungwon felt Sungyeon hum a love song while she made her coffee. It was one of the hits of summer, that one song that was always on the radio. Kyungwon couldn’t remember its name nor the lyrics. She wished to ask Sungyeon to sing it for her but couldn’t. Sungyeon gave her her coffee and smiled. There were no people in the store, which explained Sungyeon’s relaxed expression.
Then she sighed.
“I know, it’s weird.” She said. Kyungwon frowned.
“What-what’s weird?” She asked. Sungyeon motioned to the empty store and her expression was now a bit helpless and lonely.
“The place is empty, so I’m not a nervous mess like the other days. It must be weird, seeing me act like this. I mean, you saw me when Siyeon almost burnt the place down. This must be quite a change.” She said. And Kyungwon thought she was a bit right. It was weird to see Sungyeon act that relaxed. She had never heard her hum before, but she couldn’t agree with her.
“It’s not.” Kyungwon said. Sungyeon looked someplace else and started doing something else. Kyungwon didn’t know if to take her coffee or not. “It’s cool when you’re like that.” She added in hopes of something.
“Cool?” Sungyeon asked. She was still doing something else but Kyungwon knew all of her attention was on her. And now she had to keep talking. She gulped.
“Yeah. Uh, when you’re like, giving orders around. It’s real cool. You seem like-like the boss or something. Like you’ll have things under control. But you’re cool now, too, acting chill and a-all.” She said. Sungyeon looked at her, raising her eyebrows. Kyungwon didn’t know if it was due to the fact that she was impressed because she had never heard her talk that much or because of what she had said. She decided it had to be a mix of the two.
“Between you and me, Kyungwon, half of the time I have no idea of what I’m doing. Half of the time… half of the time I’m just… It doesn’t matter. Drink your coffee, it’ll get cold.” Kyungwon took her coffee but she didn’t drink it. Rather, she smiled.
“I-I want another one.” She said. Sungyeon glared at her.
“Why?” She asked. Kyungwon smile’s turned bigger.
“So you’ll drink it with me.” And Sungyeon’s eyes shone so bright Kyungwon was dazzled.
Park Siyeon had the world at the palm of her hands, or so it felt. She was a princess and that was common knowledge, and even though they lived in a rather big small town everyone had a story about Park Siyeon to share. Everyone except Kyungwon.
It wasn’t as if she hadn’t seen her nor been in one of her anecdotes but she had never interacted with her directly. Kyungwon supposed that considering how selective Siyeon was with her friendships most people that claimed to star one of her anecdotes were just lying but it wasn’t like she cared, anyways.
Another fact about Park Siyeon was that Kyungwon had never seen her alone. She was always with someone or with a group, helplessly and unintentionally being the center of attention (sometimes Kyungwon wondered if Siyeon felt like the people that were with her were something like her escort but that was another topic). That until the day she saw her fall from her bike.
It was eleven in the morning so the streets weren’t crowded. Kyungwon was headed to the forest to take some pictures when she saw Siyeon riding her bike. It was a tall one she had painted and decorated herself. She was smiling and was standing on the pedals. Kyungwon couldn’t help but stare at her. That was the Park Siyeon effect— making people can’t stop staring at her.
And when she was reaching the peak of beauty, she fell.
Kyungwon felt like time froze when Siyeon fell from her bike. That until she started to hear her muttering not-so-princess-like swear words. She walked where she was. It seemed like she couldn’t get up.
“Are you okay?” Kyungwon asked. A few weeks before she would just have stared at her until Siyeon told her her problem but she had been getting more vocal due to hanging out with Eunwoo (who was roommates with Yaebin, which meant she also hung out with her), Sungyeon and Yewon from time to time.
“Uh. I guess not now, but I was a few seconds ago.” Siyeon said, staring at her leg. It was bleeding, and not only in one part. The other didn’t look much better.
“Let me help you.” Kyungwon said, ready to princess-carry her to the nearest place she could carry her to.
“No, no need to, thank you very much.” Siyeon tried to smile but she was in pain, and she talked too fast to sound okay. Her arms were bleeding too and the smile on her face looked more concerning than assuring. Kyungwon raised her eyebrows and before she could say anything Siyeon talked again. “Really! This happens all the time when you, uh, ride your bike constantly and fall all the time. I’m one hundred percent just fine, I swear.” And it would’ve sounded convincing if it weren’t for the gigantic moan of pain that came out of her mouth when she stopped talking.
“You’re not fine.” And even thought Kyungwon had turned more vocal it didn’t mean she knew what to say half of the time. “Let me help you.” She repeated, trying to sound sure of her words. Siyeon smiled (this time a honest smile) and looked at her. Kyungwon tried not to gulp. She looked ethereal.
“I can do it by myself, babe.” She stood up. This time she didn’t make a sound. Now, Kyungwon was kneeling before her, flustered and looking at her bleeding knees. “See? I didn’t need any help. Thanks anyways, hon. I will keep you in my mind next time I fall from my bike.” And she walked away, with her bike on the side. Kyungwon stared at her until she left. The Park Siyeon effect had some other things in it, it seemed, such as breaking hearts and the like.
When talking about the town’s royalty Siyeon was a princess, yes, but Zhou Jieqiong was a queen. She was the prettiest, most sophisticated, most loved and by far most known person in town. And it wasn’t like she didn’t deserve to be that known. Kyungwon hardly knew an actual thing about her —she was just like Siyeon in that sense, all stories— but she had taken a few pictures of her when they were in high school and some of those pictures were the pictures Kyungwon liked the most when it came to those times. She looked natural yet charming, like she knew she was being photographed but at the same time acted casual about it. It was as if she was a model.
But now she had gotten to know her.
The more she hung out with Eunwoo and Yaebin the more parts of her she got to know. The first time she saw her was the second time she went to Eunwoo’s place. She was there when she arrived.
“Who is—? Damn, the light! Close the door, please!” And her words could’ve sounded harsh, but they sounded nice. Kyungwon closed the door and didn’t say a word.
“Kyungwon, you here?” She heard Eunwoo say. Then she heard Yaebin scoff.
“Of course she’s here!” She said. She was sitting on those chairs that have wheels under them and rolled where Kyungwon was. She probably was studying something again at the desk. She looked into the supermarket bag she carried. “And she’s got the things!” And Eunwoo peeped from the hall. Her hair wasn’t a mess but it was pink. She looked pretty.
“Come in, come! Jieqiong, we’ve got the things!” Eunwoo said. Kyungwon felt Jieqiong mutter a soft ‘hurrah’. Kyungwon walked into the flat. She saw Jieqiong lying on the sofa, arm over her eyes in that position people are in when they feel no good. And she wasn’t dressed like the queen se was— she was wearing fluffy cat-patterned pajamas and cute bear slippers.
“Is she okay?” Kyungwon asked Yaebin as Eunwoo shuffled through the bag. She was too scared to talk to Jieqiong, even though she had been turning more confident the past time.
“Uh. Kinda. She just has one of this big ass headaches she has from time to time.” Yaebin said. She placed her hand over Jieqiong’s. “Jieqiong, Kyungwon is here.” She said. She sounded caring.
“Yes, I know.” Jieqiong’s voice had something about it that could’ve sounded mean but didn’t. “Hi, Kang Kyungwon.” She said. Kyungwon twitched a bit at the declaration since she hadn’t said her full name, but then realized Yaebin must’ve commented something about being the cooler Kang with her before.
“Hi.” She said. “Hope you feel better.” She added as Eunwoo used the things Kyungwon had bought to make some kind of medicine.
“Thanks.” Jieqiong said. And they stayed in silence watching Eunwoo trying to cure her for a while. It took Jieqiong an hour to feel better.
“Eunwoo…” She said, kissing her cheek. “Always saving my life when I need it the most. How charming.” She kissed her cheek again and Eunwoo cleaned it, putting that one face she put all the time to joke around. Then she smiled.
“And nice to meet you, Kang Kyungwon.” Jieqiong said. Her eyes were back to their usual playful selves and her smile was small and neat. Kyungwon couldn’t believe someone could be that pretty.
“Nice to meet you too.” She answered. Jieqiong extended her hand. Kyungwon took it. Jieqiong kissed her hand. Kyungwon exploded.
Kyla Massie was mysterious and that was a fact. The first time Kyungwon saw her was just after she graduated from high school. She was taking the train to a near city to do something she now couldn’t remember and saw her standing there, listening to music and tapping her right feet against the cold and crushed concrete. She was the new girl everyone was talking about, back then.
She was beautiful. She still was, then, a few years later. She had a severe kind of expression Kyungwon found incredible and Kyungwon of course wouldn’t have minded taking a few pictures of her, but she didn’t know her and it seemed like nobody else did (maybe aside Park Siyeon, but she was a different case).
And now they meet again, but this time Kyla was the one that had just graduated high school. She graduated a year before she was supposed to and she was still listening to music. Kyungwon wondered if she was listening to the same song she had been listening to, back then.
She was exiting the train whereas Kyungwon was getting in. That was the plan until Kyungwon saw something falling from her bag, which was open on the side. A book. She took it and looked at it. It had no title. It was a plain black book. Kyungwon supposed it was her diary or something like that.
“Hey.” Kyungwon said to call her attention. Kyla didn’t hear her and had already walked away. Kyungwon looked at the book, then at her. And then she sighed. She ran where she was. She didn’t care if she lost the train. She didn’t need to go anywhere important, anyways. “Hey.” She repeated. She didn’t like screaming so she also touched her arm. Kyla looked at her. She took one earphone off. She was slightly frowning.
“Yeah?” She asked. Her voice was deep and incredibly charming— like a voice in the morning, even a bit hoarse. Kyungwon liked it a lot. She showed her the book she had in her hand. Kyla’s eyes widened and Kyungwon noted she raised her hand as if to take it, but she didn’t.
“This. It fell from your bag.” ‘Which needs to be closed, by the way,’ she wanted to add. Kyla took it.
“Thanks.” She said. She looked down. Kyungwon wondered if she was shy. Then, they would have something in common. And, in a brief moment of bravery, she asked:
“What are you listening to?” And Kyla seemed to be frozen. Kyungwon wondered if she used to look like that a month ago.
Kyla took an earphone and put it in her ear. It was a rap song. Kyungwon had been getting used to them thanks to Yaebin and knew this song because of her. She smiled.
“It’s a good song.” She said. Kyla wasn’t looking at her.
“Yeah.” She answered. She sounded cool but she was blushing. Kyungwon didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable by forcing a conversation so she smiled and said:
“Bye, then.”
“Bye.” Kyla said, glaring at her and putting her earphone back in. She also put the book in her bag and closed it. Kyungwon stared at her until she left. Some day Kyla was going to stop being such a mystery, she thought. Some day.
She had learnt Im Nayoung was someone to trust, or so people liked to say. The thing is she looked reliable and that was undeniable. Now, as she tried to calm Eunwoo, Yaebin and Jieqiong down, she seemed more reliable than ever.
“So, what’s the problem?” She asked. The three girls started talking at the same time, gesturing and almost screaming, but Nayoung still looked calm. She didn’t roll her eyes nor sigh. Kyungwon was impressed, and she was impressed too when Nayoung understood what the problem was even if the girls seemed to prove to be unintelligible.
“Okay.” Nayoung said. She still sounded calm and looked cool. She took a few steps around the flat. The girls sat down, waiting for her answer. Kyungwon wanted to hear her, too.
It didn’t take her long to come up with a solution. After three or four minutes of complete and icy silence Nayoung took a deep breath and said “Okay, then”. Then she explained the girls what to do and how, answering their questions and whatnot. She had patience and Kyungwon wondered if the girls saw her like an authority figure or something of that sort. Then they left the apartment to solve their problem. Kyungwon was alone with Nayoung, now.
Kyungwon remembered her from school. She was two years older than her and more or less a prodigy. She was always top when it came to exams and being an example to follow. She remembered when she was asked to be the student council president and accepted. Kyungwon never knew if she wanted to be the president or not— she just was. And when she was near Nayoung, Kyungwon felt as if time went backwards and they were smart and dumb teens again, respectively.
“Do you want to eat anything?” Nayoung asked from the kitchen. She took Kyungwon for surprise and she was about to say that no, that she was good when her stomach rumbled. “I’ll cook something, then.” Nayoung said, as if her stomach making noises was an answer.
“I’ll help you.” Kyungwon said, walking into the kitchen. Nayoung looked at her up and down. It didn’t seem prejudicing nor mean. She was just looking at her.
“Okay.” She said. She gave Kyungwon some onions. “Can you cut these, please?” She asked. Kyungwon nodded and started cutting.
Nayoung didn’t seem to be a Yaebin-level like cook but she was good. She could handle various tasks at the same time and Kyungwon kept trying not to stare at her even if she was the most similar thing to a goddess she’d ever see. She finished cutting the onions. For some reason she hadn’t cried.
“Can you set the table? The girls will be back soon.” Nayoung said, without looking at her. Kyungwon nodded and wondered how come she knew that but decided not to ask since she probably just did.
She set the table. As she put the last fork down someone knocked the door. It was Eunwoo (Kyungwon knew that since she did that secret knock thing she loved to do). Kyungwon opened the door. The girls were there and they seemed tired and a bit dirty. They entered the place, smelt the food and went bonkers since they were really hungry. They sat down and Kyungwon helped Nayoung with the plates. And it felt like a family. And that was alright.
There was a new girl in town and her name was Kim Minkyung. She had arrived to town two weeks before summer vacation ended as melancholy started to drown the environment. The first one to meet her was Siyeon because she was always the first person to meet everyone. She said ‘she approved her’, which could only mean good.
Kyungwon met her three days after she arrived. She ran to her in the CD shop down the street where Siyeon had fallen (something that seemed to have happened centuries ago). They both took the same CD at the same time. Romantic. It made Kyungwon blush and Minkyung giggle the cutest giggles ever. When Kyungwon looked at her she recognized her because she was pretty and tall and sophisticated yet casual and relaxed. She had also never seen her, and as everyone knew everyone there she had to be the new girl. Kyungwon fell a bit for her and her giggles and angel like looks. She had been prone to falling, that summer.
“Take it.” Minkyung said, giving the CD to her. Kyungwon moved her head from side to side.
“You have it. I can wait.” And she was about to leave when Minkyung started talking.
“Are you, by any chance, Kang Kyungwon?” Kyungwon blushed a bit after hearing her name. Some things never change.
“Yeah, I am.” She managed to mutter without stuttering. Minkyung made her feel like summer was starting all over again.
“God, I wanted to meet you!” Minkyung said. She sounded excited and Kyungwon frowned. Minkyung covered her mouth and then did the opposite to talk again. “I’m sorry. I sounded really creepy.” Kyungwon didn’t know what to say. Minkyung kept talking.
“But it’s true, anyways. I really wanted to meet you.” She said. She was smiling. Kyungwon kept frowning.
“Why?” She asked. Her voice sounded low but it wasn’t on purpose. Minkyung giggled again and her giggles were out of this world.
“Because everyone here loves you, Kang Kyungwon.” She said. “I mean, you’re kind of a celebrity as far as I know. All the girls I’ve met— they can’t stop talking about you. Or maybe yes. You know what I mean.” And Kyungwon wanted to turn into a puddle in that mere instant. She didn’t know what to say or what to feel but it sure was something else. Her heart was beating in a weird kind of tune, a new one. She kept silent. Minkyung respected that.
She exited the shop with Minkyung after a minute. Minkyung said she wanted to talk with her at Sungyeon’s shop. They walked next to each other in silence because Minkyung also said she wanted to save the conversation for when they had a coffee in hand. Kyungwon thought that that made sense and kept her mouth shut— something that wasn’t hard to do.
It was six o’clock and the sun was going down. Summer was ending and Kang Kyungwon felt the wind hitting her face lightly, as if it was caressing it. She thought about Kim Minkyung and about all the angels she had met that summer— the angels that had saved her from falling into the darkest of black holes, the angels that had saved her from letting the lit match burn her fingers and the angels that had saved her from herself. And she felt so grateful she wanted to cry. She had never loved as much as she had loved that summer, and every day she loved more. And even if she felt as if her heart was about to explode, she wanted to keep loving those girls, and that forever.