Chapter Text
It’s another sleepless night for her.
Holtzmann turns from her back to her side and stares to the wall. Just a few days ago, her gaze would have stopped to Dr. Erin Gilbert’s sleeping body. But no. This time, it goes right till the wall that definitely needs a new paint on it. The brown tiles behind the dark green wall are showing from here and there.
The engineer sighs. She didn’t even think about that earlier and Erin never mentioned it while she usually is very strict about these kind of things.
Maybe she enjoyed it so much here so she didn’t realize it either. But now she will never be here. Erin never had a chance to nag about it. And God, how much she wants to hear Erin nag about her wall.
But like she mentioned, she’ll never be here.
Holtzmann closes her eyes again. It’s a miracle if sleep finds her again, but she can try. She grabs a pillow that Erin had used, puts her arms around it and presses her face against the pillow.
A mixture of Erin’s perfume and sweat work like anesthetic.
“Erin, no!”
Holtzmann’s words echo through the empty streets of New York City. Holtzmann feels like she’s someone else because in reality, she would be running towards her friends and trying to run in front of them like taking a bullet for them.
This time, her body freezes and all she can do is stare how first her best friend jumps into inevitable death and how her friend... lover... the love of her life jumps into the open portal right after just to try and save her best friend.
Like her screaming would have helped in none of the cases. Uh, Abby? Please don’t jump? Oh shit, you jumped. Well, Erin, don’t do the same! Oh, there you go. What could have she done? She wasn’t gonna declare her love to Erin in front of Patty, not it a situation like this. And Abby... If Abby says or decides to do something, you can’t change her mind.
It was one of Holtzmann’s worst moments in life to just stay still and lose two most important people of her life.
“Miss Jillian H—“
“Doctor. Doctor Holtzmann.”
“Right. Dr. Jillian Holtzmann, could you please tell me again what happened?”
Like the death of Erin and Abby wasn’t enough, now the police think that she had something to do with their deaths.
Holtzmann really doesn’t want to open up about this anymore. She has thought about it, over and over again. Every night, every time she throws her arm over the empty spot on her bed.
“There was a portal. The ghost was trying to destroy the city. Abby got an idea of how to lure it to the portal and jumped. Because she got stuck, she cut the cable off and jumped without anything around her. Erin didn’t want to lose her and jumped after her. But... the portal closed before they got back. We tried to pull them back because Erin tied a cable around her waist, but... I don’t even know if it’s possible to come back...”
There’s a silence.
“Would you like to have a tissue, dr. Holtzmann?”
“Man,” Patty started after placing a cup of coffee in front of Holtzmann.
“Have you slept at all?”
Holtzmann gives the other woman a brief nod. Yes. She has slept about three hours seven minutes and sixteen seconds every night. She’s still surviving. She haven’t set anything on fire and she has only caused medium poofs.
“Yes, Patty, I have slept. You know that I may not get the minimum eight hours and shit what doctors say, but sleep makes it surprisingly easier."
Patty stares the blonde woman who hasn't even touched the coffee. She doesn't ask about what she just said because she knows what she means. She wants to forget, too.
"It's a good thing that ya don't drink or shit. I thought you had no healthy way of coping. I am glad that I was wrong."
Holtzmann lets out a huff big enough that moves a few escaped hair away from her eyes. Patty only now realizes that Holtzmann had been working on something. She paid attention only because it's the first time after the big battle against the ghosts that Holtzmann had actually started to do something else than sit behind her desk and stare into something that doesn't exist.
"Whatcha working on, baby?" Patty tries to ask but Holtzmann doesn't bother to reply. If you ask Patty, the sheets look a lot like what Rowan drew to his copy of Erin and Abby's book but she isn't sure what those have to do with anything. She just drew them to be blueprints, neater version of the dark mind of Rowan.
"Alright. Drink your coffee. You can find me downstairs."
Patty leaves but Holtzmann doesnt't lift her intense gaze from the blueprints. Her mind is full of ideas and possibilities but the recent life realities have shown her that she shouldn't get too excited before something actually happens. But if there is a possibility... Shouldn't she just do what a good scientist does and make a hypothesis and try it out? The results may disappoint her but if Erin and Abby were here, they would tell her to do it, no matter how weird or crazy it is. If this wasn't about Erin, the redhead would probably say it would never work and it is not worth it but to Holtzmann, it is.
Everything is worth Dr. Erin Gilbert.
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"If we just made the portal open again, we could see if there is a way to get back!"
Holtzmann is running in front of whiteboard, from side to side, drawing little pictures and writing down numbers after numbers. She isn't completely sure what she is doing and she may not be right with everything she is describing and explaining to her mentor but she is trying her best. In her own opinion her idea is awesome and worth to try, even if it means that she and Patty must do the work they and the other two did. Cleaning up the streets from ghost scam doesn't seem like an obstacle if it means that she gets to hold Erin in her arms again and she gets to have her best friend back.
The older woman in front of the whiteboard, Holtzmann's mentor Dr. Rebecca Gorin, takes her glasses off her eyes and places her hand over her forehead. She rubs her temples and takes a very deep breath. Holtzmann knows it doesn't men good.
"And I thought you were crazy with your plan to actualize your theory of a proton gun. Jillian, that idea is awful and I would never encourage you to execute it. That man almost destroyed this city and it took your friends' lives. Why would you do it again? Your friends are most likely dead and have died a long time ago. We do not know what it is like in the portal and if you did it again, it's very possible that this time it's you and miss Tolan that lose lives. You can always make new friends, dear Jillian."
She knows that Rebecca meant good but the last sentence felt like icicles were pushed through her chest and broke her heart into million pieces.
"You don't get it, dr. Gorin! You don't get it because you don't have friends, but—"
"But what?"
"But I love them. Abby was my first actual friend and Erin..."
Holtzmann feels hard to continue. This project is more important than any of her past projects have been. She knows the whole thing is crazier than million Jillian Holtzmanns together but there is a small possibility. Probably one in a million but there still is a possibility!
"I... I love that woman. Dr. Gorin, please help me. We do not have to cause that big of a portal. We just have to open it again. We still have the plans that Rowan made. If you gave your help we could make new calculations and open the portal just a little to see if we can pull them back!"
Rebecca's gaze is cold and she doesn't believe in this for one second, but she has never seen the blonde engineer this sad. Not even when she saved her when she was a young student, lost and in need to be found.
Rebecca found her this time, maybe she has to find her again.
She sighs and puts her glasses back on. She takes her gloves off and places them on the table behind her with a loud slap.
"Fine."
Holtzmann could bounce through the roof from excitement and hope.
It's the same evening when Holtzmann and Patty find their way to the basement of the Mercado hotel, in full equipment of course. If a ghost or few make it out of of the portal, it's better to deal with them immediately after (hopefully) rescuing Abby and Erin.
"Holtzy, you hundred percent sure about this?" Patty asks. She might not be aware of what all the calculations and formulas that dr. Gorin and Holtzmann worked on, but her common sense says that this may end to either a victory or into a very bad disaster. Most likely to the second one.
"Yes. I may not be right and sure about many things but I am more than hundred percent sure that I love the women that are trapped to the other side and I am right about the fact that we want them out and they want out!"
Patty sighs. Holtzy is nuts but she must admit that after saving the whole city of New York, saving their friends would feel even better. More meaningful. More...
"Damn, I miss those bitches. It was right for them to go there because they were dumb enough to jump but I can't just let them have their party there!"
Patty jumps a few times on the floor that is supposed to be right on the portal they're about to open.
"Hey, hey Abigail and Erin! We are coming!"
Erin and Abby were holding on each other tight in the dark hole that was sucking everything deeper and deeper. The only thing that keeps them from getting sucked and falling down is the short cable that's still tightly around something. Abby is sleeping against Erin's chest and Erin's arms are around her best friend.
It sucks in here. At first it was so cool. It was green and sparkly everywhere and it was the best thing that had ever happened to her, career wise. But when they got sucked back and never out of the portal, it turned into a scary mess that will never end. Are they stuck in here forever, hanging on a cable that just continues and continues to the never-ending tunnel of darkness? She knows that because they tried to pull each other up and it was like a big flashback to the high school gym class but then they both remembered that they didn't pass the rope climbing test so they shouldn't even bother. They should try and save their energy for as long as they can, but there's one problem: they have no food or water after sharing the Kit Kat bar in Erin's pocket. They would eventually starve to death.
There is always a possibility for them to just let go and fall into the unknown but Erin is pretty sure that they would decompose to atoms at some point because no ghosts are coming back.
But the thing is, Erin never lost hope. She never stopped thinking about Holtzmann and she knows her well enough to know that she is trying her everything to save them. So as long as they're alive, there is hope.
While she thought she was wrong and there is no possibility to ever be up anymore, in their own world, she hears something from the other side of the tunnel. The portal is quiet, but Abby is snoring so she gently nudges Abby awake.
"Huh?" Abby asks, opening her eyes lazily. She has been weaker than Erin and she explained it herself by the fact that she hasn't had any wontons in 48 hours. Fair enough, Erin had thought. She would kill for a slice of ham and pineapple pizza.
"Be quiet, please. I think I hear something.
The two women listen to the echos that come from somewhere. Jump, jump, jump. Screaming.
"Is that—"
"—it is! Oh my God! Patty!"
Abby and Erin start to scream. They get to do it for a few minutes when the portal around them turns green again. Ghosts start to fly towards the end of the tunnel, a few of them trying to scare Abby and Erin but at this point, nothing scares them. The portal is alive again.
Just like it was when they jumped.
"It's working! Oh my God! Patty, grab the gun. Shoot every ghost you can that tries to escape from the portal. I am looking for the cable and I am going to pull them out!"
Patty gives Holtzmann a firm salute and runs to the other side of the room, aiming to the hole on the floor. It's big enough for the two women to get out but maybe it's too big because a lot of ghosts are rushing out - too many for Patty. She can't shoot every ghost, she doesn't hit every one of them and after a while she is starting to cause more harm to the basement than destroying the ghosts.
"Holtzy! I am not good enough for this job!"
Holtzmann is on her knees on the edge of the hole, her hand inside the portal.
"Where the fuck is the cable—oh, here it is!"
Holtzmann grabs the cable that was stuck on the floor but on the the other side. It was a lucky guess - she had no idea where to look for so of course her first instinct was to just push her hand and arm into the portal and start testing the air there.
"Holtzy!"
"I can't! I found the cable—shit! No!"
The cable falls from her hands because the pulling towards the portal is too much. The green walls start to grow and having her arm in the portal starts to be very painful but she can't let go now. She has to grab the cable!
"Holtzy, no!" Patty screams when Holtzmann lurches herself towards the portal. Patty drops her proton gun and rushes towards the engineer, grabbing her legs before she manages to drop herself into the green pit of unknown.
"That Gorin lady was right. Ya are gonna get yourself killed!"
Holtzmann holds the cable tightly. Her eyes are full of tears, mostly because of the strong wind in the portal but also because she knows she is so close to get the two most important women of her life out of the portal. One mistake, she loses it all. No mistakes, she wins.
"Patty, please don't let me go," Holtzmann yells and ties a short piece of cable around her wrist so she will never lose it again.
Patty pulls Holtzmann out of the portal, through the green wall. She makes sure she throws Holtzmann and herself far enough from the hole on the floor before they get up and start to pull the cable. It goes on and on and on and on. After many feet of cable it just doesn't seem to ever come to an end. Until then...
"Pull! For the love of God, pull!"
Holtzmann hears Erin's miserable cry and it gives her the power she didn't know she had. She lets out a growl and starts to pull, pull, pull! Patty has hard time to keep up but she makes sure that they keep pulling until the voices of Abby and Patty get clear and it's sure that they are near enough to make sure they're alive.
Holtzmann closes her eyes for a moment. Last pull. This is it. This shows if she was right or if she has just been imagining and she pulls out two ghosts or corpses.
Grab.
Stiff the muscles.
Pull!
Two white-haired women fly from the portal, landing on top of the two other ghostbusters. Patty lets out a strangled swear word but it is all happy and joyful.
Holtzmann doesn't think. She rolls away from under the rescued women, helps Erin up and slams her lips against the other pair. It wasn't the best idea since they haven't made it official yet but during the kiss, Holtzmann feels that Erin doesn't mind and this is more than a great way to out herself and the love of her life.
Holtzmann keeps moving her lips desperately against the other lips, not pulling away for air. Erin has to, though. When she pulls away, she gasps and her face is white from being hungry and tired for such long and also now lacking of air. She doesn't look mad, though. She just giggles, throws her arms around Holtzmann's neck and jumps into her arms. Holtzmann supports her body from under Erin's legs that she just threw around Holtzmann's waist.
"Oh God. That looks like Holtzmann was kissing her granny," Abby blurts out.
"Yeah... it kind of looks like that. What happened to your hair anyway?"
Erin and Holtzmann continue eating each other's faces and Abby can't help but smile. She might have been gone for a couple of days but she still remembers. She nudges Patty's side and leans closer to her ear: "Ten dollars."
The following evening was very eventful for Erin. First, they had to close the portal by pulling enough ghosts in there. Thankfully Holtzmann had brought all their proton packs with her. Then they had to made sure no ghosts were roaming around the hotel. After all that they decided to go for a pizza before they would make an official announcement about getting out safely and informing the police, mayor and everyone else they had to inform.
Then the fun began.
Holtzmann couldn't stop laughing when Erin came out of her bathroom, her hair more orange than Garfield the Cat, President Trump's failed solarium and all the oranges of the world combined. It was Holtzmann's duty to kiss her senseless and repeat again and again that it is fine and she looks hot with this color as well.
When it was time to finally go to bed, they made love. Of course they did. It was their first time doing it as an official couple and Holtzmann made it very special.
Erin was the first to roll on her side and fall asleep. Holtzmann didn't mind. Erin was back in her arms, her warm and soft and always sweaty Erin. After getting this woman back from the portal she will never take anything for granted.
She thought Erin was asleep but apparently she wasn't. Holtzmann must have been breathing into her neck too hard.
"What are you thinking?" she mumbles, her back now against Holtzmann's front. Holtzmann doesn't reply.
"Holtz?"
She looks towards the wall... but now her eyes stop to rest on Erin.
Just like before.
She takes a deep, calm breath and buries her face into the orange hair. Her side of the bed is no more vacant. It's filled, full of her Erin.
Her side of the bed.
"Nothing much."