Archive of Our Own

The air in Busan was hot and humid, as it always was around the beginning of the summer holiday. Tourists from other areas in Korea and the rest of the world were slowly pouring into the city, crowding on the beaches, laughing in restaurants, falling for obvious tourist scams. It was a familiar sight for Jeon Jungkook, one he had grown up with and gotten used to ages ago. One he had initially started associating with endings and new beginnings, and later with endless repetition of the same days merging into the same weeks, months, years, spent with the same people in the same places. This summer, however, felt different. For the first time in what felt like a long time, Jungkook felt like he was on the precipice of something different, new, something big. Having come of age and graduated high school, he had newfound hope, albeit just sliver, that things would gradually get better. More than anything though, he was hesitant. A bit scared, too.

The Jeon brothers were sitting on the roof of their parents’ house. Looking out onto the garden and the side of the neighboring house, they shared a pack of cigarettes. The sun had gone down almost entirely, leaving the city in dark blue. They enjoyed each other’s company like they had not been able to for a long time, sharing the most comfortable kind of silence, blowing out smoke against the dark night sky. Jungkook’s older brother lived in Seoul while he himself still lived with their parents in Busan, which made it difficult for them to see each other. Between Jungkook’s graduation ceremony and mandatory family gatherings over the past week they had not found the time yet to talk properly.

“How have you been lately, Jungkookie?” Junghyun asked, breaking the silence between them.

Jungkook shrugged. “Everything’s still the same.”

His brother hummed, understanding.

“I mean,” Jungkook continued. “It kind of feels like I should feel different, but I just don’t.”

“Not yet,” Junghyun said. “You will after a while.”

He brought the cigarette back to his lips, inhaling deeply, holding the smoke for a while before releasing it slowly. Jungkook watched him, letting his thoughts wander, the cigarette between his own fingers forgotten. For a while now, he had felt like he wanted to leave Busan forever. It was something that had been on his mind for a while. There were too many bad memories that haunted him there, of his youth, of his parents, of Jimin.

With a dull ache in his chest he recalled the day his mom found the picture of himself and Jimin kissing, taken just after they had become an official couple. He had put it under his mattress, knowing that there was only a small chance his mom would find it there, because she always made him take the dirty sheets off of his own bed himself. But one day, when he had done well on a test, she had wanted to do something nice for him and decided to change his bedsheets. After finding the photo she had sat him down, shocked and confused. Jungkook had not been able to repress his tears, afraid of losing his boyfriend, or being kicked out, or whatever else was to come. When his mother had told him she would talk about it to his father, he had gotten his hopes up. Maybe they would understand. Maybe they would be okay with it. But he had no such luck. Initially, his dad had wanted to kick him out, but his mom managed to avoid it. After that, they had all grown apart, disconnecting even further from each other than before. Jungkook told Jimin, and it did not take long before the pair broke up, faced with too many challenges for the young couple to handle. Jungkook had felt heartbroken. He kept telling himself that maybe Jimin just was not the one, despite the fact that they could have been happy together, if only they had met in another place at another time. Maybe they were just not meant to be. He kept telling himself this every morning after crying himself to sleep, every time he walked past Jimin in the hallway and they shared nothing more than a sad smile. Kept telling himself the words until he believed them, until Jimin started seeing someone new and Jungkook was faced with the harsh reality of loneliness.

“You haven’t applied to any colleges, have you?” Junghyun suddenly asked, snapping his little brother out of his thoughts.

Jungkook shook his head. “I don’t want to yet. I want to... I don’t know. Heal, I guess. I just don’t want to feel like this when I go back to school.”

Junghyun nodded. “Do you have a plan?”

“Yeah,” Jungkook said. “I wanted to do some filming, so I looked for projects to help with, you know, internships and stuff. I’ve been saving up some money for a while now. So I jumped on a project for this rapper, Agust D. He’s recording a new album on Hawaii, and they want to make a documentary about it.”

Junghyun raised his eyebrows. “Wow. Free trip to Hawaii? That doesn’t sound bad.”

His brother grinned. “Yeah. They are giving me a lot of artistic freedom, which is cool.”

“I’m happy for you, Jungkookie. Really.”

Jungkook smiled. “Thanks, hyung.”

They sat in silence for a little while longer, listening to the noises of the familiar neighborhood, sharing the last cigarette between them, passing it to each other between inhales. Jungkook thought about the trip to Hawaii, and tried to focus on the feeling that freedom was getting closer now. Finally, he would have real control over his own life, away from his parents.

“So, this whole family thing kind of sucks,” Junghyun said at some point, eclicting a chuckle from his younger brother. “Do you want to come back to Seoul with me tomorrow?”

Jungkook blinked once, twice, eyes going wide. “To stay with you?”

“Yeah,” Junghyun said, shrugging. “You have to be in Seoul anyway, right? Might as well enjoy it a little longer. You can stay in Jin’s room, he’s in Thailand right now.”

Jungkook was more than fed up with being stuck in Busan with his parents, not having anyone to hang out with. He knew he wanted to jump on this opportunity, to escape, to get away. Maybe to finally start feeling better, even if only a little.

So he nodded, smiling. “Okay, yeah. Thanks hyung.”

~~~~~~~~

The next morning Jungkook got woken up by his brother, who shook him gently, telling him they had to leave before their parents woke up. Their suitcases were packed and standing by the door, the result of having spent hours packing the night before. Jungkook had decided to leave most of his belongings behind, only taking the basic grayscale items from his wardrobe, his camera and his laptop. Pictures, plushies, pillows: everything that had any attachment to memories or emotions stayed behind. He wrote a short note and left it on the kitchen counter before they hauled their suitcases into the car and drove off. The drive was nice, Junghyun had put on a Green Day album they used to listen to when they were younger, and they sang along. It made Jungkook’s chest hurt a little with something close to nostalgia, but at the same time an overwhelming feeling that the past should be left behind, buried forever, or at least until it came back to haunt him. With each new city they passed he felt himself healing, very slowly, a fraction at a time. They stopped at gas stations occasionally, filling up the car with gas and buying snacks or cigarettes.

When they arrived at Junghyun and Jin’s apartment, Jungkook put his suitcase in Jin’s room and took a shower. Junghyun went out to get soju and their favorite instant ramyun at the nearby convenience store, already back before Jungkook came out of the bathroom. That night they watched a movie while drinking together, and Jungkook felt free, young, on top of the world. But later, when he rested his head on Jin’s pillow, he suddenly felt small and scared. He felt as if he was teetering on the edge of a high building, losing his balance, afraid to fall. Hugging his knees to his chest, he cried himself to sleep that night.

And he cried himself to sleep most nights in Seoul. It was almost as if his past was catching up with him, making him nearly uncontrollably emotional. At the same time, he was unsure about the future, and that scared him. He had no idea where he would end up eventually, or even if the nearing trip to Hawaii was going to be a success. For some reason nothing felt right to him anymore. Junghyun knew him better than anyone, even after spending a few years without much contact, so he gave his little brother some space, knowing that was what he needed. He dragged him out of the house sometimes, to the arcade or to have a cheap meal in the university district, but nothing too demanding.

Jungkook met up with the rapper’s management once during that time. He had gotten an invitation to discuss the documentary style and approach with the management, and they were enthusiastic about his ideas. To his surprise, he never met the rapper then, which meant that he would not meet him at all before leaving for Hawaii. It worried him slightly. He found himself creating an image of what the man would be like in his head: a snob, maybe, or just generally uninterested. He eventually decided that all he could really do was hope for the best, but he was nervous nonetheless.

On the last night before heading to the airport, Junghyun took Jungkook to a restaurant that served good, cheap ramyun. They enjoyed a nice meal with beer, and had some coffee afterwards. While carefully sipping on the hot beverage, Jungkook got lost in his thoughts. He was apprehensive about the trip, not just about being around strangers all the time, but suddenly, he also felt insecure about his abilities to make a good film. Would he be able to capture the important moments? Would he be able to make it interesting enough?

“Nervous?” Junghyun said from across the table.

Jungkook’s head snapped up in surprise. Then he shrugged. “I guess. It’s just that I haven’t actually met him yet, so I don’t know what to expect.”

Junghyun nodded. “I’m sure it’ll be fine. Just let it happen. There’s no use worrying about it now.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Jungkook said.

They took a detour on their way back to the apartment, walking along the Han river for a while, enjoying the views and each other’s company. The fresh air made Jungkook able to clear his head. He figured that his brother was probably right: it would be fine. If nothing else, at least the trip could help him to become a better filmmaker. He felt a little calmer, a little less scared, a little more ready to leave.

~~~~~~~~

The next day Junghyun drove Jungkook to Incheon airport. He handed his little brother his suitcase, and they nodded in greeting before parting ways. Then, Jungkook entered the airport. He was a bit early, so he waited on one of the benches with an overpriced can of soda from one of the convenience stores, nervously bouncing his leg up and down. He tried to collect his thoughts. Worry had settled in his stomach, thoughts of everything that could go wrong making his head spin. But he was also excited. A bit hesitant, but excited no less. He wondered if Hawaii would really be what he imagined it to be: all blue oceans, white beaches, and easy-going people. He wanted to take photos of the surfers, dip his feet into the sea, see the island's landscapes.

The sudden sound of his ringtone pulled him back to reality. It was the manager, telling him where to meet them. Jungkook felt his heart beat in his throat, too fast, too much adrenaline coursing through his body. He took a few deep breaths, willing himself not to worry. Suddenly, he wondered why he had ever thought this was a good idea. He tried to focus on what Junghyun had said: don’t worry too much, just let everything happen. Jungkook tried to contain his nerves, but he was struggling. Eventually, he decided he was being childish and started making his way over to the meeting point, heart beating in his throat.

The moment he approached the big pillar, the manager started waving enthusiastically. Jungkook smiled a small smile at that, remembering how excited and supportive the man had been of his ideas. It settled him just a little bit. Near the manager, he could see four more people. They were all men, dressed in black and dark denim, some of them wearing baseball caps and face masks. He figured they were all staff members, and that one of them had to be Agust D. As he got closer, he could see them more clearly, and his breath caught in his throat when his eyes landed on a man, clad in an all black outfit, wearing a black baseball cap and face mask. He was staring down at his phone, narrow shoulders hunched slightly. There was no mistaking him for anyone else: that was him.

Something in between fear and excitement gripped Jungkook by the throat. Even before he had gotten close, even before he had seen the rapper’s face properly, he was already anxious and slightly intimidated. More than anything though, he was intrigued. Something pulled him toward the mysterious man, telling him to get closer. So he made his way over to the group, and greeted the manager politely by bowing. It caught the attention of the other staff members, who smiled at Jungkook and greeted him. When he looked up again, the rapper was looking at him from behind his phone, their gazes meeting. He had slanted, feline-like eyes in a deep brown, surprisingly soft features, but no readable emotion on his face. Jungkook bowed once more, a bit tense, and the rapper gave him a nod of the head and a small smile in return. Jungkook was not sure if it was a reserved or an uninterested one.

Going through security went smoothly, the staff members guided Jungkook - who had never really flown a plane before - through the whole process. The rapper was quiet almost the whole time, only speaking when spoken to. He busied himself on his phone, or with a notebook and pen. On the plane, Jungkook ended up in a seat on the opposite side of the isle from the rapper’s, who in turn sat next to the manager. When they had settled in, Jungkook took out his camera and started fiddling with it a bit, tweaking some settings. He filmed snippets on the plane: the little screen in front of him, the flight attendants checking everyone’s seatbelts, the rapper’s side profile when he was writing in his notebook and not paying any attention to his surroundings.

Jungkook tried to convince himself that everything would be okay: he was on the plane now anyway, and he felt a bit calmer after meeting everyone without anything bad happening. The plane took off, Jungkook listened to the playlist he had prepared for the flight, the rapper fell asleep almost instantly and did not wake up at all throughout it. The flight was over seven hours long. Jungkook shot some footage out of the little window when the people next to him had fallen asleep, and filmed the rapper sleeping. He noticed the man looked even softer when asleep, peaceful and gentle. Easy on the eyes as well, Jungkook thought to himself, while looking at the way his lashes rested on his cheeks and his lips formed a little pout. It made him want to find out what kind of person this man was.

He shook his head, as if to shake off the thoughts. First, he focused on filming more B-roll, then put his camera away and closed his eyes to listen to music. He allowed his thoughts to wander while listening to a calm, instrumental song. He thought about his brother, in Seoul, how he had silently taken care of him. About their walk along the Han river, the nights out to cheap restaurants. About how he had felt: contemplative, not necessarily good, but much less bad than he had felt in a long time. And, like it always did, his mind wandered to a less happy place. He thought about his time back in Busan, spending the beginning of summer in a cold home with distant parents. Feeling lost, alone, and scared after graduating. And, again, he thought about the way his parents had treated him, like he did everyday. Everyday he thought back to his teenage years: the home he dreaded returning to after school, hours spent alone in his room, his mom finding that picture.

When he managed to fall asleep, he dreamt about falling into a big, cold lake, and feeling like he was drowning. His parents, brother, high school friends and Jimin all stood at the edge of the water with their arms crossed, shaking their heads, looking at him. The sound of the flight attendant announcing their arrival woke him up abruptly, cold sweat coating his back and forehead. It took him awhile to figure out where he was, and when he remembered, his gaze met the rapper's, who looked at him with an unreadable expression on his face before turning away.

~~~~~~~~

It was blazing hot when they got off the plane, the stark contrast between the atmosphere inside of the vehicle and the humid air outside making Jungkook scared to get sick. They were quiet on their way to the hotel, everyone was tired and ready to take a nap as soon as they arrived. The hotel was nice, not overly luxurious, but definitely not cheap either. The management had booked two rooms with three beds each, and Jungkook was sharing with the rapper and the manager. When he walked in he saw that the room was nice, too: equipped with a mini bar, spacious bathroom and three queen sized beds. It even had a balcony, looking out over the white beach and blue sea.

Collectively, they decided to take a nap, passing out on their respective beds after putting their bags down. The rapper let himself plop down on the bed with his clothes still on, putting his earbuds in and closing his eyes: something Jungkook interpreted as a clear sign to leave him alone. Jungkook thought it was best to take a shower first, despite the fact that he was very tired as well. He felt like all kinds of grime had collected in his pores on the plane, and he washed it off diligently, until he felt clean again. Afterwards, he put on an old pair of sweat shorts and a big T-shirt to sleep in. He had claimed the bed closest to the window, and it was comfortable, but he still found himself struggling to fall asleep, despite the long flight they had just made. Jungkook still felt uneasy around these new people, nervous, unsure what his place was. Admittedly, Hawaii was very beautiful, from what they had seen so far. But he could not know how the others felt about him, if the rapper even really wanted him there. He had been very quiet the whole time. Was it because Jungkook was there? Because he thought he was annoying? Did he even want to be filmed? The thoughts worried Jungkook until he fell into a restless sleep, exhaustion finally pulling him under.

This time in his dream, he was standing on the top of a mountain. There was nothing but vast, blue sky and crisp air around him. He felt almost calm, but also apprehensive, as if he knew the peace would be disrupted soon. Trying to enjoy the view, he breathed in the air, making his whole body feel relaxed and healthy. Then, there was a hand on his shoulder. He jumped in surprise, and when he turned around to face the owner of the hand, it was his father. The man wore a blank expression, and no matter what Jungkook said or asked, it did not go away. Behind his father his mother appeared, tears streaming down her face. Jungkook asked her what was wrong, but she never replied, just kept shaking her head. Eventually, she took out her phone to show him pictures, all of him and Jimin, kissing, hugging, posing together. Then she suddenly started yelling at her son that he was disgusting, that she never wanted to see him again and that she hated him. Jungkook’s father finally spoke, saying that he was disappointed in him and that he no longer wanted to call him his son. They turned around and walked away, leaving Jungkook alone on the mountain top, the sky around him now gray and the air heavy. When he woke up it was in a cold sweat again - just like on the plane.

~~~~~~~~

They went out to dinner together, the six of them. The staff had found a nice Korean restaurant: the owner spoke Korean with them, and gave them extra side dishes solely for the fact that they were Koreans, which Jungkook thought was kind of funny. Dinner was enjoyable: the manager told Jungkook about the company, what a regular day at work looked like and what software they used to produce songs. The other staff members, who introduced themselves as two producers and an assistant manager, shared some anecdotes about life at the office. The rapper still only spoke a little, but he was more talkative than he had been so far. He made a few jokes that were actually funny, and he told Jungkook to call him Yoongi-hyung, which made Jungkook feel a lot more at ease. It made him less intimidating, more approachable.

That night, curled up comfortably under the thin sheets, Jungkook fell asleep more easily, the distant sound of the sea coming in through the open window calming him. There was no dream this time, or if there was, he had forgotten about it by the time he woke up. The first time he awoke, it was at an odd hour. When he sleepily blinked his eyes open, it was three in the morning. He figured it was because of the jet lag. His brother had sent him a message that asked if he had arrived safely. There were no messages from his parents: there had not been any since the morning he had left the house with his brother. His high school friends were probably all off to somewhere far away, celebrating their freedom as newly graduated boys with bright futures who got into the schools they wanted. They had not talked to him since graduation day.

When Jungkook rolled over, he saw that the bed next to him was empty. In the bed on the other side of the room, the manager was sleeping deeply, snoring softly. Jungkook figured Yoongi must have woken up as well, maybe he was having problems with the time difference too. When he realized he was far too awake to fall back asleep, Jungkook got up to stretch his muscles, and noticed that the balcony door was open. The curtains in front of it were half-drawn, moving occasionally with the slight breeze. Yoongi was sitting on the balcony with his back to the room, smoke swirling around his head as he looked out onto the empty beach, the rooftops, and the sea.

Jungkook wanted to join him, but was also hesitant to disturb his alone time. He decided to grab his camera from his backpack, proceeding to film Yoongi's back, the movement of his arm as he moved the cigarette to his lips and back down again. It was a peaceful scene, the curtains moving calmly, the smoke gathering around his head. It made Jungkook feel calmer too, just watching him like that. After a while he turned his camera off, put it in his backpack, and deliberated whether or not he should join the rapper on the balcony. He thought back to the soft smile Yoongi had given him at dinner, the jokes he had made, and Jungkook thought he would probably not mind it if he joined him. If he did mind, he would just apologize and go away again.

After mustering up a bit more courage, Jungkook walked through the balcony doors, trying to keep his voice soft as to not startle Yoongi when he announced his presence.

"Hyung?" he said carefully.

Yoongi whipped his head around, then visibly relaxed when he saw Jungkook smiling apologetically at him.

"Jungkook," he said by means of a greeting, and brought the cigarette back to his lips.

Jungkook cleared his throat before speaking again. "Would you mind if I joined you?"

Yoongi shot him a small smile. "No, go ahead."

Jungkook walked over and sat down, crossing his legs and leaning back on his hands. Yoongi stubbed out his cigarette on the tiled floor of the balcony before flicking it over the edge. They sat in silence for a few minutes, listening to the rustling of the waves crashing on the shore, looking out over the sea. Jungkook felt only a slight nervousness from the proximity, still a bit hesitant and guarded around Yoongi. Other than that, he felt completely at peace. He wondered if Hawaii just had that effect on people.

"Hyung?" he said again after a while, breaking the silence.

Yoongi made an affirmative noise in the back of his throat, encouraging him to continue.

"Why did you come all the way to Hawaii for this?"

Yoongi smiled, then shrugged. "I have a friend who owns a studio here, and I needed a change of scenery. I thought it might give me inspiration to come here."

Jungkook nodded, not sure what to say after that. Yoongi was the next one to speak.

"And you, Jungkook? Why did you come all the way here, with us, instead of staying in Korea or going on holiday?"

A blush crept onto Jungkook's cheeks, getting shy from being the subject of the conversation all of a sudden. He shrugged, feigning nonchalance.

"I don't know. There's nothing keeping me in Busan, I guess."

"Hmm," Yoongi nodded, as if he understood, which Jungkook doubted. "You're from Busan?"

"Yeah, born and raised."

"I like Busan, it's a nice place."

Jungkook's nose scrunched up. "I guess."

Yoongi looked over at him and laughed at his facial expression.

"Too many memories?" he then asked, voice surprisingly soft.

Nodding, Jungkook dropping his gaze to his lap timidly. "You could say that, yeah."

"How old are you?" Yoongi asked after a beat of silence, eyes still on Jungkook's face.

"Nineteen," he answered, still averting his gaze.

"You just graduated?"

“Yeah,” Jungkook said. Yoongi huffed.

"You're young," he said. "Don't put too much pressure on yourself."

Jungkook just nodded again, slightly overwhelmed by the direction the conversation had gone in. The fact that Yoongi talked so easily about the things that Jungkook had so much difficulty dealing with surprised him. His own family had never been open about feelings, had never talked to him about the important things in life, nor encouraged him. On the rare occasion when Junghyun had, Jungkook had appreciated it, but it had felt weird, forced, awkward. He was not sure how to put all those thoughts into a response, so he settled for a simple "thanks, hyung."

~~~~~~~~

There was a small commotion in the room that woke Jungkook up halfway. The sun was already well on its way up, making him roll over and squeeze his eyes shut to avoid the light. The manager was packing a backpack on the other side of the room, and it sounded like Yoongi was sitting on his bed in between Jungkook’s and the manager’s. They were talking about exploring Honolulu, but Jungkook was too tired to listen closely. Eventually Yoongi wished the manager a nice day, and after the door closed Jungkook heard shuffling around the room, letting him know that he had declined the offer to come with them. Jungkook fell asleep again quickly.

After a deep, dreamless, blissful sleep, Jungkook finally awoke fully. He slowly blinked his eyes open, stretching his entire body like a cat, then looked around. His eyes landed on Yoongi, who was sitting on the bed beside him with his laptop open, looking at him waking up. When their gazes met, Yoongi smiled softly.

“Morning,” he said.

Jungkook smiled back. “Morning, hyung.”

“Did you sleep well?” Yoongi asked, diverting his attention back to the computer screen.

“I did, actually,” Jungkook answered. “What are you working on?”

“There are some rough drafts I want to work on in the studio, I was just going over them.”

Jungkook wanted to ask if he could hear something, but he contained his curiosity.

“Ah, I see,” he said instead.

He rolled over and got up, immediately making his way to the bathroom to splash some cold water in his face. When he looked at himself in the mirror, the image almost made him laugh: there was water all over his face and neck, and his hair was sticking up at all sides, making him look ridiculous. He flatted it out a little bit with his hands in an attempt to make himself look at least somewhat presentable, but it was no use.

“Jungkook?” Yoongi then called from the other room.

“Yes, hyung?” Jungkook answered, walking back out of the bathroom door on his bare feet. He looked at Yoongi, whose hair was tousled from removing his headphones, and he noticed how small he actually looked. Hunched over his laptop, with his legs seemingly just barely reaching to about halfway down the mattress, he looked endearing, soft, almost fragile.

“Do you want to go out for coffee?” he asked. “I haven’t had any yet.”

Jungkook blinked a few times before answering. “Yeah, sure. I still have to shower though.”
“Hurry up,” Yoongi said, smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “I really need an americano.”

Just down the street from the hotel, they found a cafe. It had a typical, trendy Hawaiian vibe, with beachwood tables and surfboards adorning the walls. Jungkook filmed Yoongi’s back while he was buying their drinks, but put his camera away when he walked back over. One could probably clearly tell from a distance who had chosen which drink, Jungkook thought: in one hand, Yoongi carried a plain, iced americano, and in the other a big cup of something that looked a lot like ice cream, with whipped cream and chocolate chips on top. Yoongi sat down and passed Jungkook his drink, and Jungkook thanked him for treating. Both of them enjoyed the first few sips in silence, savoring the taste, allowing the beverages to cool them down. Yoongi hummed happily, visibly relaxing after having some coffee, while all Jungkook could think of was how they looked to other people. He felt like he came across as a child, with his iced mint and chocolate coffee with a ridiculous amount of cream on top, and opposite him, Yoongi came across like a real adult, drinking his plain, bitter americano. What would other people think of them? Would they think they were family, Yoongi Jungkook’s older brother? Or did they look like close friends?

“I don’t understand how you can enjoy something like that,” Yoongi said, breaking the silence. “It doesn’t even taste like coffee anymore.”

Jungkook shrugged, then took another sip. “It’s just good.”

Yoongi shook his head, smiling. “Disgusting.”

A beat of silence followed, before he said “hey, Jungkook?”

Jungkook looked up at him with big eyes. “Yeah, hyung?”

“I’ve been wondering about your filmmaking. They told me some stuff about your ideas, but I’ve barely seen you record.”

Jungkook stopped mid-sip, a light blush making its way onto his cheeks. “Oh! Uh, yeah. I guess I just want to try to interfere as little as possible. I want to, uh, capture everything how it happens naturally, if that makes sense. As if I’m not there at all.”

A grin appeared on Yoongi’s face. “So you’re trying to say you’ve been filming me when I wasn’t looking?”

Much to Yoongi’s delight, Jungkook visibly panicked. His face turned more and more red, and when he tried to speak again, he stuttered. “Oh, I, uh- well! I don’t, uh-”

“Relax, kid,” Yoongi said, laughing. “I’m just teasing. I don’t mind. I watched some of your stuff, I trust you to make something that I will like. Don’t worry.”

Jungkook looked at his hyung’s face, looking for a trace that he was lying, but only found a gummy smile that put his small teeth on display and a boyish sparkle in his eyes.

They wasted away the afternoon in the cafe, talking about filmmaking and music production. Yoongi told Jungkook about his hometown, Daegu, and asked about Busan. He had said something about someone he had been friends with back then, a boy, that had Jungkook wondering what kind of relationship the two used to have. Maybe he was trying to read between the lines too much, he thought to himself, but when he was staring up at the ceiling that night, Yoongi breathing audibly in the next bed, he could not help but think that maybe the two of them had something very big in common.

~~~~~~~~

On Monday, production started. From then on, Yoongi and the staff members were in the studio almost all the time. Jungkook went with them a few times, to film them working, or to interview them. But there was only so much he could do without interrupting their workflow too much, so he took time to explore the island, enjoy the weather, and attempt to become more in touch with himself. He was left alone with his thoughts and feelings a lot, which was simultaneously good and bad. He felt like he was slowly taking the first steps towards moving past his issues, becoming more calm, healing, but his thoughts also left him to feel empty and alone. Sometimes he would sit out on the balcony by himself, looking out over the sea, and do nothing but contemplate for a few hours. He preferred to take photos in the city, to go shopping, or to go hiking in the nature parks, though, to keep his mind off things, to keep himself from feeling too many feelings at once.

That week, Jungkook was often woken up at night by staff coming back late, mumbling about Yoongi working much later than anyone else, rejecting any food they offered him, and not going out for meals or drinks with them. It sounded like they were used to that kind of behavior, but knew of no way to fix it. Jungkook worried, though, pictured Yoongi’s already thin body becoming thinner and thinner still, stressing out so much that he would consume nothing but coffee all night. On Friday, when it looked like the staff still had no success in getting him to eat, Jungkook decided to go to a poké bowl place he had been to before and get takeout.

He visited the studio, knocked on the door carefully, harder when he got no response. A soft “yeah?” came from inside, and Jungkook walked in. Yoongi was sitting behind a big panel with switches and buttons, electronic drum pad to the side, keyboard and laptop positioned in the middle of it all. He turned around when Jungkook walked in, no readable expression on his face. He just looked tired. There were dark circles under his eyes, and his skin was even paler than it had been before. It made Jungkook wonder when the last time was that he had eaten anything or slept a healthy amount.

“Jungkook,” Yoongi said, a hint of surprise in his tone.

“Hyung,” Jungkook answered. “I, uh. I brought food.”

He lifted the plastic bag slightly awkwardly to emphasize his words.

“Poké bowls,” he added when Yoongi remained silent. “It’s a local dish. They’re really good.”

Yoongi blinked a few times, then sighed. “Thank you. You really didn’t have to.”

“I did, though,” Jungkook replied, sitting down on the floor by the coffee table on the other side of the room. “You look like you haven’t eaten all week.”

Yoongi huffed at that, made his way over and sat down on the other side of the table.

“I’m the hyung,” he said. “I’m supposed to be the one taking care of you.”

They ate together, finishing their bowls all the way. Jungkook was happy to see his hyung eat, and Yoongi made sure to express his gratitude. A light conversation carried on all the way throughout the meal. Jungkook avoided the topic of work, and Yoongi smiled a few tired smiles, which Jungkook counted as a win. The atmosphere was nice, friendly, as if they had known each other for a long time. In hopes of getting him to sleep at a reasonable hour for once, Jungkook asked Yoongi to come back to the hotel with him after they had finished eating, and he did so without putting up a fight. Jungkook let Yoongi wash up first, and he was already fast asleep when Jungkook made his way back into the room, breathing deeply, chest rising and falling under the white covers. The manager raised his eyebrows, and when Jungkook shrugged, he gave him a pat on the back.

“Thanks, kid,” the manager said softly, careful not to wake the rapper up. “He won’t let us do that.”

For some reason, while Jungkook was lying in bed that night, that phrase played over and over again in his head, making his stomach flip again and again for a good hour before he finally managed to fall asleep.

~~~~~~~~

On Saturday, the crew proposed to do the Diamond Head hike. Jungkook had already hiked up there by himself earlier that week, and because it had been a bit disappointing to him, he kindly refused. Yoongi, with his face scrunched up in distaste, said he would rather stay back and rest. So the rest of the crew went out, and they ended up staying behind together. By the time Jungkook walked out of the shower, Yoongi was already sitting on the balcony, smoking. Jungkook filmed him again, capturing his silhouette against the backdrop of the sea, experimenting with composition for a while before putting his camera on the floor, still recording, and joining him. When he sat down, Yoongi went to put his cigarette out, but Jungkook stopped him.

“Hyung, can I have one too?” he asked, eyeing his hyung expectantly.

Yoongi locked eyes with him, unimpressed look on his face, but kept whatever comment was on his mind to himself and held out the pack.

“Thanks,” Jungkook said, then lit a cigarette.

They sat like that for a while, smoking in silence. Jungkook allowed his thoughts to wander back to the past week, how Yoongi had slowly started letting him into his life, even after seeming hesitant to do so at first. How he had made him feel a little bit more at ease when he had been tense. Now, Jungkook felt a lot more comfortable around him. Sure, there was still some hesitation, their relationship still so new. But they had gotten used to each other in a way, started getting to know each other, and therefore had become more comfortable around each other. Jungkook could feel that Yoongi felt the same way. He seemed less guarded, less careful, and smiled more.

Then, Jungkook remembered that he was filming.

“Hyung?” he said.

Yoongi looked at him, his gaze encouraging him to continue.

“When did you start making music?” Jungkook asked, trying to find the right words to ask what he wanted to. “How did you get into it?”

A small smile played around Yoongi’s lips. He thought about his answer for a few moments, lighting a new cigarette as he did.

“I was pretty young,” he finally said. “I think I was fourteen when I started experimenting with music production. Rapping was something I started doing later on with friends.”

He looked out over the rooftops in front of them, contemplating, something like nostalgia in his eyes.

“Honestly, I thought I was going to be a producer,” he then continued. “The producing… I knew I was good at it, and it was just something I really enjoyed. Rapping was more of an act of rebellion, almost. My friends and I were around sixteen when we started an underground group. We called ourselves D-town.”

Yoongi laughed at the memory, face scrunching up, eyes closing all the way, teeth on display. It made Jungkook smile, too.

“That’s pretty cringey,” Jungkook admitted.

Yoongi barked out another laugh. “It really is.”

Jungkook allowed himself to picture a younger Yoongi, all fierce gazes and chains, rapping on stage with a bunch of other kids. Feeling like he was on top of the world, invincible, immortal. The only time Jungkook could recall feeling like that was when he initially started dating Jimin, and that felt like a very long time ago.

“Anyway,” the elder continued after a moment. “I had found something I was able to put my emotions into, you know? My anger, my fears, my dreams. I felt really powerful, somehow. But my friends, they all went off to college at some point, gave up on their dreams. I was around your age when I moved to Seoul. It was hard to find a job at the time, so I kept rapping. For some reason people liked it, and I was able to do some shows and collaborations. That’s kind of how I ended up here, I guess.”

Jungkook nodded. “You’re pretty lucky.”

“I am,” Yoongi agreed. “But I also worked hard. I think it’s always a combination of both.”

Jungkook nodded again, this time in agreement. He contemplated it for a while, pictured Yoongi in a small, probably shared apartment, making music for hours on end, living off cheap instant ramyun. It made him wonder what kind of trials the elder had to face in his teenage years, how hard it must have been to prove his worth in the business. Now though, it had definitely paid off.

“Hyung?” Jungkook asked after a while, another question coming to mind. “I listened to your music a bit before the trip.”
“You did?” Yoongi said, smile on his face.

“Uh, yeah.”

“You didn’t strike me as the type to like rap.” There was a teasing tone to his voice.

“Well,” Jungkook said, deflating a little. “I don’t in particular, but I don’t dislike it either. My brother used to make me listen to rap when we were younger.”

“Cute,” Yoongi commented, grinning.

Jungkook felt heat rise to his cheeks and cleared his throat before continuing. “Uh, anyway, I noticed that your lyrics are about political and social topics a lot of the time. Do you think it’s important to speak about those things now that you’ve gained popularity?”

Yoongi nodded without hesitation. “Definitely. I don’t think there are many people out there who start for that reason, but I think if everyone would use their power for something good, it would really help to make the world a better place.”

Jungkook absently looked at the crowd on the beach beach while letting Yoongi’s words sink in. He realized there really was a soft, altruistic, empathetic side to him. Yes, maybe the exterior looked harsh, intimidating, but he started to believe that Yoongi was actually a big softie behind all that bravado. He also realized how lucky he was that he got to see all of that from up close, how lucky he was that Yoongi had let him in. He could have spent the summer lonely and depressed with his parents in Busan, but instead he had taken a risk, and it had worked out so well.

“But Jungkook,” Yoongi said then. “I’ve told you a lot about myself, but you haven’t told me anything about you. What’s your sob story? What are you trying to let go off here, in Hawaii?”

Jungkook let out an airy laugh, then shrugged. Contemplated for a moment how much was appropriate to share. He knew Yoongi was joking, but he was right: he had been honest with Jungkook, but Jungkook had yet to open up to him. He opted for something short but honest, revealing a new part of himself to Yoongi.

“I guess high school was pretty bad,” he said, sighing. “I was just so… mediocre at everything. My friends were all pretty boring and I never really saw them outside school hours. It was just a big blur of studying, homework, playing too many video games and pretending to be… cool and straight. Yeah.”

Yoongi laughed, high-pitched and genuine. “Sounds exactly like my high school days.”

A smile crept onto Jungkook’s face, careful, relieved. Suddenly, almost shockingly, he felt entirely at ease with Yoongi next to him, as if all his worries and reservations had fallen off his back, as if he could tell him everything and he would understand.

The next few hours were spent in the hotel room, Yoongi typing away on his laptop while Jungkook tweaked some settings on his camera, imported a lot of footage and watched anime. It felt weirdly like they had known each other for a long time, when in reality, it had been around a week. The silence between them was never heavy, never uncomfortable, and they easily shared laughs and smiles in between them. At some point, the crew returned from the hike, sweaty, tired and satisfied. After taking a shower, the manager proposed to have dinner all together, so they ended up going to the same Korean restaurant they had been to before, the lady working there happy to see them again. The conversation was light, enjoyable, the other crew members telling them about their hiking adventures from that day. All Jungkook could really focus on was the way that Yoongi’s face scrunched up when he laughed, the way his eyes would go wide when he took bites of his food, the way his adam’s apple moved when he swallowed.

Back in the hotel room that evening, Jungkook imported the rest of the footage from that day and started editing what he had collected so far. He experimented a bit, tried to find clips that went together well. Seeing all the memories, remembering the past week, made his heart feel like it was swelling up. Yoongi’s little habits, the way his face looked from certain angles, made him realize he was really documenting something special, and again, it made him feel grateful for the opportunity. After spending a long time tweaking the audio, finding songs he could use and replaying his favorite clips, he went to sleep with a smile on his face and warmth in his chest.

~~~~~~~~

The next morning, when Jungkook woke up early and the manager was still asleep on the other side of the room, he saw that the balcony doors were open again. This time, there was no hesitation in his step when he made his way over to his hyung who was, unsurprisingly, smoking outside again, sitting cross-legged and looking at the waves. Jungkook had left his camera inside to record, using his phone as a microphone and putting it in the pocket of the hoodie he had hastily thrown on.

“Morning hyung,” he said softly while walking over to the elder.

“Morning,” came the response, unsurprised by Jungkook’s presence.

Jungkook felt like the balcony had become their hideout, the place that hid all their stories and secrets, kept them between Yoongi and himself. Suddenly, he felt a bit emotional, poetic. He started comparing the sea that he looked out over to Yoongi: both deep, full of secrets. Strong, too, but at the same time so calming. He wondered what he would find if he ever got the opportunity to get to know Yoongi even more, to examine and discover him, turn him inside out. And in turn, maybe he could bring himself to do the same. Maybe he could finally be fragile in front of someone again.

They shared some cigarettes, a lot of comfortable silence and a bit of light conversation. To Jungkook, it felt as if they had been outside for mere minutes when the manager came to call them down for breakfast, but when he checked the time he saw it had been over two hours. After eating, Yoongi and the crew ended up discussing production and other work-related stuff, which somehow took up the entire day, leaving Jungkook to read his webtoons, watch anime, and edit his film some more. He imported the footage from that morning, spent a few hours putting everything together, and then, without really knowing why, he made a second file and started editing the images differently. Instead of focusing on a clear narrative, like he was doing with the original film, he wanted to tell another story, one that was abstract still even to himself. He used the most intimate images, Yoongi in all of them: close-ups, shots of his face, his hands, his back, him smoking on the balcony. The conversations, too, but this time they were all cut up and only contained the most beautiful words that had been spoken. The new cut made Jungkook’s heart ache, his stomach tie itself in knots, for reasons unknown even to himself.

~~~~~~~~

The next week went by far too quickly for Jungkook’s liking. It was their second and last week on the island, the week the album had to be finished and they would all fly home again. Jungkook expected Yoongi’s unhealthy eating habits to be even worse than the week prior, because the deadline was approaching, so he fell into a routine: filming what he could at the studio, editing in the hotel room, waiting for the staff to return to the hotel, then buying takeout and taking it to the studio to eat with Yoongi. Jungkook was relieved to find that he always ate willingly, was always happy and thankful, and seemed to genuinely enjoy the meals.

Yoongi would always allow Jungkook stay in the studio after dinner for as long as he wanted. Jungkook used that time to film Yoongi working, busy recording and playing around with his music files. But he also started focusing more and more on smaller details: the way Yoongi’s hands looked when he played his keyboard, the way he would frown deeply when he had to think particularly hard about something, the way he would mutter and hum under his breath and tap his fingers along to the beat. It started feeling easy and familiar to Jungkook, eating with Yoongi, filming his close-ups, then leaving quietly and immediately editing the newly shot footage as soon as he arrived at the hotel, using it more often in the second file than in the first.

Thursday, however, was a little bit different. Yoongi finished the Chinese takeout that Jungkook had brought, but he was unusually quiet during the meal. It took Jungkook a while of observing him at work to realize that he was very stressed. It was one of the last days that he could work on the album, and he looked like he was still not pleased with it in the slightest. Jungkook wanted to comfort him, but that had never been his strongest feat, so he just sat there, filming, hoping that his presence would somehow help Yoongi. It got later and later, and at some point, Jungkook put his camera on the coffee table and started listening to music with his eyes closed. While Yoongi was working quietly, typing and clicking away, Jungkook slowly fell into a deep sleep on the couch. It was almost morning when he felt cold fingers on his cheek and in his hair, heard a soft voice telling him to wake up. He never woke up fully, just enough to pack his stuff into his backpack and make his way to the car, in which he fell asleep again. Later, when he was too tired to keep his eyes open, he felt Yoongi tuck him into bed, felt his eyes on him as he drifted back into complete unconsciousness.

~~~~~~~~

The last day in the studio arrived. Everyone, including Jungkook, drove to the studio in the morning to work on the final adjustments. He tried to capture everything to his best abilities, the tension in the air, the excitement, the last-minute tweaking. They spent the entire day like that, in anticipation for it all to be over, working hard, and eventually being so happy and relieved that it was over. Yoongi wore a big, proud smile on his face, and of course Jungkook could only mimic and capture it.

Everyone went back to the hotel to change, then headed out to a celebratory dinner at a slightly more fancy restaurant than the ones they had been to up until then. They all enjoyed the happiness and relief, basking in it, sharing smiles, laughter, and memories from the past two weeks while eating delicious food. They drank wine, which was later replaced by soju, and they became gradually louder and happier. Jungkook sat next to Yoongi, and as the alcohol made its way into his bloodstream, he stole more and more glances, became more and more bold. He dared to hold Yoongi’s gaze for longer, smiled at him all throughout the night. Later, he realized their thighs were touching under the table, registered Yoongi’s body heat against his leg. When they were all drunkenly walking back to the hotel, Jungkook suddenly felt the need to take a hold of Yoongi’s hand, wanted to know what those bony, veiny fingers felt like intertwined with his own, and so he did. When he realized what he had done, he looked up at Yoongi, who wore an unreadable expression but never pulled away.

The next day was the day that they would fly back to Korea. Everyone slept in, had breakfast together, and then packed their suitcases. Jungkook finished first, so he went back out onto the balcony again, just to take in the sights that he had become so familiar with one more time. He thought about all the time he had spent out there with Yoongi. How they had looked out over the sea together, shared smokes, laughs, stories. He thought about Yoongi’s little habits, the faces he pulled. The warmth he had felt in his chest whenever he edited his films. He suddenly felt a lump in his throat. Blamed it on the hangover. Tried to swallow it down but failed.

Soon, Yoongi joined him, closing the doors behind himself. Jungkook smiled at him, but it faltered slightly when he saw tension on Yoongi’s face.

“Jungkook,” Yoongi said quickly, before Jungkook could ask him about it. “Do you want to go to Maui with me?”

He lifted his gaze from the floor, looking Jungkook in the eyes.

“You mean right now?” Jungkook asked, confused, having trouble processing the request.

“Yeah,” Yoongi said. “I don’t really want to leave yet. I thought it could just be you and me for a while. Is that… okay?”

It was the first time that Yoongi had seemed hesitant, maybe a little bit insecure, the look on his face almost brittle. Before he understood  what was happening, Jungkook found himself agreeing.

“Of course, hyung,” he said. “I would love to. Thanks for offering.”

At that, Yoongi smiled, tension visibly leaving his body. Jungkook automatically smiled back.

~~~~~~~~

They left for Maui, and Jungkook had a strong suspicion that the manager was involved somehow. He had seen him grinning at Yoongi when they returned from the balcony that morning, and when Jungkook came out of the shower later, everyone except for Yoongi had suddenly disappeared. He chose not to ask about it. On the ferry, Yoongi got a call, and from his annoyed tone and eyerolls Jungkook suspected his manager was asking for an update. They enjoyed the three-hour boat trip, talked about everything and nothing, sat next to each other with their legs touching. Jungkook was happy to extend his trip, unsure of what he would return to in Korea. He was even happier that he got to spend more time with Yoongi, who he had become very fond of.

Now that he had almost finished the company documentary, he focused on filming more footage for his other film. He shot Yoongi looking out over the water, Yoongi enjoying a drink on the upper deck, Yoongi smiling and making faces at the camera, Yoongi, Yoongi, Yoongi. He was the focus of every shot, the main character. Jungkook enjoyed being in his presence so much, and he wanted to capture that feeling on video, immortalize how content and full of warmth he felt whenever he looked at him.

It was nearing the end of the afternoon when they arrived at their hotel. When they had checked in and arrived in the room, Yoongi turned to Jungkook with a frown on his face.

“There’s only one bed,” he said.

Jungkook just blinked for a moment, then shrugged. “I don’t mind. Do you?”

Yoongi shook his head, perhaps a bit too quickly. Jungkook swore he saw the lightest of blushes creep onto his cheeks.

“No, I don’t,” he said, finally putting his suitcase down.

The two of them unpacked slowly, both tired from the eventful time spent on Oahu. They lounged around in the room after that, Jungkook edited some more and Yoongi caught up on his social media feeds, way too lazy to do anything else. Yoongi ordered room service and asked Jungkook to pick a movie to watch. There were only a few movies to choose from, some romantic comedies, some older superhero movies and some cartoons, so he opted for a well-known romcom. Yoongi protested half-heartedly, Jungkook laughed.

Room service arrived: sushi and champagne. They popped the bottle and toasted to a successful time of recording. Jungkook started the movie, they laughed harder than they should at the funny parts, ate sushi until they were completely full. About two thirds through the bottle of champagne, Jungkook’s head ended up on Yoongi’s lap, who carded his fingers through the dark strands of hair. They finished the bottle and the movie, and Jungkook felt himself getting a bit emotional. He was suddenly overwhelmed with the fact that he was in Maui, alone with Yoongi, who was right there stroking his head. It was like all his different feelings had accumulated and were now threatening to spill out.

“Hyung,” he said then, voice a little shaky, making him swallow. “Thank you so much.”

Yoongi smiled down at him, gentle and sweet. “Thank you for coming with me.”

“I am so grateful, hyung,” Jungkook said. “You have helped me so much more than you know. I didn’t realize how lonely I really was until I came on this trip. Thank you for treating me the way you do.”

Yoongi looked at him, something like fondness in his eyes. He never answered with words, just kept stroking Jungkook’s hair with both hands, letting silence settle between them.

In bed, Jungkook got a text from his brother asking him when he was coming back. He updated Junghyun on the new plans, only got a “have fun” accompanied by a winking face in return. Jungkook snorted, then put his phone on the bedside table.

“Who are you texting?” Yoongi asked.

“My brother,” Jungkook said.

He rolled over so he was facing Yoongi, whose eyes were already closed halfway.

“Hmm,” Yoongi hummed. “You get along well?”

Jungkook smiled. “Yeah, we do.”

“Good. I have an older brother as well. Honestly, sometimes I feel like he’s the only one I can really rely on, you know?”

Jungkook nodded, encouraged by the alcohol in his system to say more. “I swear he’s the only normal person in my entire family.”

Yoongi chuckled softly. “Are they that bad?”

“Yeah,” Jungkook said, a lump forming in his throat again. “My parents are homophobic assholes who have never supported me in anything. The rest of the family always pretends to care, but we only ever see them maybe three times a year, tops.”

Before he knew it, Jungkook was telling Yoongi about his struggle with his sexuality, about how he never had any real friends in high school, how his mother had reacted to his relationship with Jimin. Finally, the tears came, spilling from Jungkook’s eyes onto his cheeks and into his hair. Yoongi pulled Jungkook’s face into his chest and held him there as he shook, staining the front of his pajamas. He stroked his hair and whispered into his ear until he calmed down, breath evening out, eventually falling asleep against him, the two of them sharing breaths and body heat.

~~~~~~~~

When Jungkook woke up the next morning, it took him about ten seconds to realize he was lying on Yoongi’s arm. He felt well rested, at ease. A smile spread onto his face, and he sighed in pure contentment. The sun was starting to rise, light hesitantly seeping in through the thin curtains. Jungkook carefully got up, trying not to wake Yoongi. He took a shower, washing up with the hotel’s almond and honey scented soap. Afterwards, he just threw on his sweatpants, not bothering with a T-shirt because the air was already humid. When he walked back into the room, Yoongi was still sleeping, breathing evenly, his lashes resting on his soft cheeks. The way the sunlight hit him was like something out of a romance novel, picture-perfect streaks of gold on pale skin. Jungkook filmed him for a while, caught him waking up on camera, slowly rubbing his eyes, then smiling softly as he looked at Jungkook.

Yoongi’s eyes followed a droplet of water that trailed down Jungkook’s chest, his abs, disappearing where it met the underwear that was peeking out from above his gray sweatpants. When he looked up again his gaze met Jungkook’s, who eyed him curiously.

“Come back to bed,” Yoongi said, stretching a hand out towards Jungkook, who put his camera on the nightstand before taking it and let himself be pulled back onto the soft sheets.

Jungkook stretched his arm out, inviting, and Yoongi rolled over, laying his head on it, hand finding Jungkook’s muscular chest. Jungkook scanned Yoongi’s face, saw his eyes shamelessly trace his abdomen, chest, and finally his face, meeting his eyes.

“You are gorgeous, Kook,” Yoongi said, not a hint of hesitation in his voice.

Jungkook smiled wide and slightly bashful, his eyes scrunching up. All too quickly, even before Jungkook could reply to the compliment, Yoongi shifted his weight, pushing down a little more on the hand that was on Jungkook’s chest. Jungkook’s heart skipped a beat, and before he knew what was happening, their lips met. At first he froze, taken aback by the bold move, but fortunately, he caught on quickly and returned the kiss eagerly. His hand found the side of Yoongi’s face, and later his hair. The kiss was tender at first, slightly shy and nervous. But it soon turned more interesting, with Yoongi’s tongue finding Jungkook’s, building up a slow, incredibly sensual slide that had Jungkook letting out soft whines in a matter of minutes.

Jungkook suddenly found Yoongi on top of him, still kissing him with fervor. Then, Yoongi pulled his own T-shirt over his head, messing up his hair a little in the progress, allowing Jungkook to let his hands roam all over the expanse of pale, soft skin. Jungkook suddenly remembered that his camera was on, so he reached over to turn it off, but Yoongi stopped him halfway.

“Don’t,” Yoongi said. “Leave it on.”

And before Jungkook could protest, Yoongi’s mouth was on his again, a lot more need in this kiss, and then there were hands everywhere, sighs and whimpers filling the room. Like that, they spent the better part of two hours on the soft bed in the morning sun, unsure of where Jungkook began and Yoongi ended, feeling nothing but pure bliss.

They almost fell asleep again, bodies intertwined in an intricate puzzle of limbs. Yoongi had the sense to get both of them in the shower, where their hands and mouths found each other again. He held Jungkook up against the wall, touching him slightly differently this time, making him moan louder than before. They washed each other after that, intimate and gentle, before returning to bed where Yoongi promptly fell asleep while Jungkook edited the documentaries. He imported the footage from that morning, watched Yoongi touch him all over, watched his own face twist in pleasure, heard their voices fit together like the most beautiful song.

The rest of the day continued like that: Yoongi napped, Jungkook edited. He selected parts of the new, intimate footage and added them to the file. When he felt like going out for some fresh air, he got takeout and brought it back. They ate it together while watching another bad movie, and fell asleep in each other’s arms, feeling warm, comfortable, safe.

~~~~~~~~

Their time in Kahului went by far too quickly for Jungkook’s liking. They spent it swimming in the sea, exploring the island lazily, watching bad movies. On the street they held hands, and in the hotel room they made love for hours on end. Yoongi made sure Jungkook remembered to put on sunscreen, and in turn, Jungkook made sure Yoongi drank enough water. They enjoyed each other’s company, looked after each other, allowed each other to relax and heal. Days merged into each other, time becoming a foreign concept when they were together. All they could focus on, all they wanted to focus on, was each other.

Hawaii was the place that kept their story hidden. Their conversations, kept safely on that balcony in Honolulu, their kisses and whimpers under the sun in Kahului. Jungkook felt empty when they made their way back to the airport, sad that their time together had run out. They had never discussed what would happen after this. Yoongi would probably go back to work, keeping himself busy. Jungkook had nothing planned out, was considering working for a while before going back to school eventually. Their movie had ended. It was time to return to reality.

On the plane, Yoongi let Jungkook lay his head on his shoulder, and held his hand under the blanket. Sleep found neither of them, both of them wanted to spend the last hours together awake. There was nothing left to say, only glances and secret kisses to be shared. Jungkook’s heart ached when they parted ways in Incheon, Yoongi planting a kiss on his forehead, reminding him that he had his phone number. Junghyun drove Jungkook back to his apartment in Seoul, asking him all kinds of questions, but all Jungkook wanted was to sleep, to forget the pain he felt and to dream about Yoongi. After crying himself to sleep quietly in Jin’s bed, he did dream about Yoongi, but not in the way that he had wanted. In his dream, Jungkook was walking down a seemingly endless street, knocking on every front door trying to find Yoongi’s house. He walked for hours and hours, until a door was finally opened to reveal Yoongi standing behind it. At first, Jungkook was happy and relieved to have found him, but Yoongi was frowning, and when Jungkook tried to reach out, Yoongi slammed the door shut in his face coldly. When he woke up his heart still ached.

~~~~~~~~

All Jungkook did was edit. He finished the company documentary first and sent it to Yoongi’s manager, who was very happy with the results. After that, he spent almost all of his time editing the second cut, watching the clips over and over again. It was the closest he could get to feeling like he was with Yoongi, the only thing that could lift his mood. He spent another week working on the film, adding songs and titles, changing the colors of the images. The film told their whole story: the flight to Hawaii, Yoongi getting their coffee order, the time they spent on the balcony. But also Yoongi waking Jungkook up when he had fallen asleep on his studio couch, Yoongi letting his guard down completely, and Yoongi kissing Jungkook, touching him everywhere, drawing sounds of pure pleasure from his mouth.

After that week, it was finally finished. Jungkook sent it to Yoongi. It was the first time he had contacted him, and that made it hard to figure out what to say. Eventually he decided to let the images speak for themselves, only told him “this is for you and me, I miss you,” because it was the truth. He wanted to see Yoongi again more than anything: every cell in his body needed to. But he knew he had to find himself, work on himself, get his act together at least a little bit first before he could give Yoongi all of him.

So that is what he did. Jungkook stayed in Seoul for a while, started seeing a therapist who helped him to finally begin dealing with his past properly. Junghyun helped him look for jobs and internships, let him stay in Jin’s room as long as he could, and took care of him. Jungkook gradually became more stable, more independent, and happier. It was only a matter of time before he could see Yoongi again, and he knew it would be worth the wait.

His therapist told him that there was simply no way for him to know where he would end up in life. That there is no telling whether relationships will work out or not, whether the choices we make are the right ones. And that that is okay. So Jungkook chose Yoongi, not caring whether it was the right choice. Where it would lead him eventually was of later concern. He knew that he was healing, growing, and in love with Yoongi, and for now, that was all that mattered.