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Several events in Scorpius’s eighteen years of life had left a rather lasting impression.
The time he was five years old and had asked for a crup for his birthday only to be given a stuffed dragon instead. The tantrum he’d had after opening the gift from his grandmother had sadly not resulted in an invitation to trade gifts. It wasn’t that Scorpius was spoiled, he just wasn’t used to not getting what he wanted.
Then there was the time when he was nine years old and Auguste Zabini, over for a summer playdate, had told him he would always be Malfoy first and Scorpius second. He’d been unable to eat his ice cream after that, watching as the scoop in his cone began to drip, globs of pale pink strawberry ice cream falling with his tears to the grass.
He distinctly remembered being eleven years old and making friends with Albus Potter on the train to Hogwarts and realising that, by the time they got there, he wasn’t quite so scared anymore. He’d left his mother and father on the platform convinced he was leaving everything he’d loved behind, but something about Albus had left him feeling as if perhaps that wasn’t true. Scorpius had never been one to make close friends, not even with the children of his parents’ friends, but the moment he’d met Albus he’d known he was different.
Being twelve and realizing other people didn’t see his last name or his house as something to be proud of the way he did.
Being fourteen and discovering that his unhealthy obsession with Albus’s older brother was slightly less than normal. And even worse, discovering that when he heard the other students—usually the girls—talking about James’s hair, or the way he looked in his Quidditch uniform, or the way his arse looked as he walked across the Great Hall, well, more than just his stomach twitched with interest. It’d been the most confusing year of his life, as he burned with shame because of his attraction to the older boy and was utterly terrified that Albus would hate him—not because Scorpius fancied a boy, but because it was his brother.
Scorpius knew that Albus loved James, even if he wouldn’t always admit it, and that he was painfully jealous of the easy way everyone adored James. And fuck, did everyone adore him. The only thing that made Scorpius’s secret crush any easier to bear was the fact that, by the end of his fourth year, even some of the other Slytherin boys had begun to admit that James was attractive. He felt bolstered somehow by the knowledge that maybe it was just one of life’s truths—you don’t go in the Forbidden Forest, Slytherins are always seen as untrustworthy, and everyone has at least a little bit of a crush on James Potter—and that it didn’t necessarily mean anything about Scorpius in particular.
The problem, of course, came last summer when Scorpius spent a week at the Potters’. An entire week of seeing James outside of Hogwarts, out of his school robes—just as confident and relaxed at home as he was at Hogwarts. Scorpius had spent the entire week red as a tomato, hiding in Albus’s room until he’d finally confessed his feelings to Albus, who had looked as relieved as he was horrified to hear the words.
“I was wondering when you’d tell me,” Albus had whispered, looking a bit like he had when he’d been sorted into Slytherin—a type of melancholy acceptance on his face.
“You knew?” Scorpius had asked in surprise.
“Of course I knew. You can’t keep things from me, Scorp. Besides, I mean...everyone likes James more than me. It was bound to happen some time.” Albus had pulled his legs to his chest and rested his chin atop his knees as he’d pulled the sleeves of his hoodie down around his hands. He’d looked so sad.
“I might think James is fit, but he can’t hold a candle to you,” Scorpius had said softly, moving to sit beside Albus and pressing the sides of their legs together. “You’re my best friend. I love you,” he said easily. It’d always been easy to tell Albus that. Loving Albus was a bit like loving his parents. They might not have been blood, but Albus was his family. Albus was the one thing in Scorpius’s life that always made sense.
Albus had turned his head, resting his cheek atop his hands and gifting Scorpius with a tentative smile that had somehow made his stomach flutter even more than seeing James practicing Quidditch in the garden without a shirt.
“Yeah?” Albus questioned, as if afraid to get his hopes up.
“Yeah,” Scorpius had agreed. “It’s just a silly crush. It’ll go away.” He wasn’t sure if that was true but he wanted it to be, so it didn’t feel too much like lying
“Yeah, it’s just a silly crush,” Albus had whispered almost sadly.
After that Scorpius had resolved to simply avoid James as much as humanly possible. Which honestly wasn’t that difficult since he’d only had one more day before he went home to the Manor. The rest of the summer, Albus came to visit him instead of the other way around, and he only had to see James three times very briefly before returning to Hogwarts. Scorpius thought for sure he could get over his ridiculous crush so long as he could have some distance.
Of course, that was before Scorpius entered his fifth year and discovered that apparently not even the Slytherin common room was free from James Potter. James, who was now not only a seventh year, but Quidditch Captain. James, who was unanimously agreed upon to be the most attractive person in school, even by people who didn't like him! Not that there were many people who didn’t like him. James had an easy way about him, about making other people laugh, that made him easy to be around. Scorpius had never seen anyone else who held as many friends from different houses as James seemed to. The weirdest thing for Scorpius, however, was watching James flirt with everyone, because it was as easy to admit he was attractive as it was to see that James was never serious about anything or anyone. He knew he was attractive and that everyone had a crush on him, and it made Scorpius’s insides feel like he’d been hit with a Jelly-Legs Jinx to realize he was merely one more in a sea of people who wanted a chance to feel James’s affections directed at them.
True to his word, Albus took the crush pretty well. He grumbled under his breath about James being gross at any and all opportunities, and waxed poetic about the injustice of his best friend finding his big brother attractive, but he also listened to Scorpius confess his insecurities in the middle of the night without judgement or reproach and covered for him the few times James caught him staring. If he sometimes looked upset or faraway, well, Scorpius figured it probably wasn’t easy to have his best friend fancy his big brother.
Being best friends with Albus meant that Scorpius, by osmosis, knew just about everything there was to know about James. He knew James never did his own laundry at home and was a bit of pain in the arse, that he was actually really smart but rarely deigned to finish his homework, and that he had awful table manners. But it also meant he knew all kinds of good things about James that other people didn’t, like the way he stayed up late helping Lily with her homework, or the way he acted as a sort of big brother to all the first and second year Gryffindors who were homesick, and the way he got multiple detentions for hexing anyone who dared to pick on Albus. Scorpius secretly thought that Albus was trying to turn him off his brother by telling him all these things, but all it did was make him like James more. James was like some sort of untouchable fantasy—Gryffindor, Quidditch captain, most desired boy at school.
By the end of his fifth year, instead of his crush having disappeared, it had swollen to immense proportions, making him sure that he not only fancied James—he was absolutely, positively gay. Fuck.
All the same, very little in Scorpius’s life had affected him as much as the sight before him at that very moment.
“What the bloody hell is James doing here?” Scorpius hissed, kicking Albus beneath the table. The Potters had decided to rent a beach house in California to celebrate Albus leaving Hogwarts, and because wherever Albus went, so went Scorpius, he had promptly been invited. Scorpius had been overjoyed at the idea of a beach holiday with Albus, especially when he learned that James was supposed to be at training camp for the upcoming Quidditch season. It meant Scorpius would be able to truly relax and have fun with Albus without worrying about making an absolute knobhead of himself.
Of course, something had clearly changed, since James was standing in the middle of the kitchen and not back home in England.
Albus jumped, looking up from the bowl of cereal he was currently stabbing with his spoon and shrugging. “I didn't know he was coming.” If possible, he looked even grumpier now, trying to drown the last few straggling rainbow-coloured rings floating in his bowl of milk.
Then, to Scorpius’s complete and utter horror, Albus yelled James’s name far louder than was necessary. “Oi! Cock face! What the fuck are you doing here?”
James snorted, turning around to flip Albus off, and every single bit of oxygen left Scorpius’s body. James was standing in the middle of the kitchen next to the dining nook in nothing but a pair of flimsy grey joggers. His normally wild hair was even more unkempt than usual, sticking up at all angles and giving the impression that instead of not owning a hairbrush, he’d just been fucked. And his face had that sleepy softness to it that comes from having just woken up.
But mostly, it was the joggers that caught Scorpius’s attention. Fuck, the joggers. Joggers and nothing else. So much of James’s bare skin on display. Scorpius had never seen him in so little clothing before and it was doing things to Scorpius’s brain and another part of his anatomy that seemed to have a mind of its own as the muscles in James’s stomach fluttered when he lifted his arms above his head and stretched. The joggers looked impossibly soft, as if they’d been worn so many times they were as much a part of James’s body as his freckles, and they hung so low on his hips Scorpius could see the dark trail of hair that led to his cock and the sharp V of his impossibly chiseled stomach. Joggers so bloody thin he could see the outline of strong thighs and the remnants of what Scorpius could only assume was a dwindling morning erection. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
Scorpius was eighteen, for Merlin’s sake, sex was never far from his brain, especially not with a half-naked Potter in the kitchen. He closed his eyes and yawned—suddenly reminding Scorpius so much of Albus—and he felt a twinge of longing in his chest.
“Scorpius!” Albus hissed, elbowing him in the stomach.
“What?” Scorpius asked stupidly, unable to tear his eyes away from James, who was lazily scratching his blunt fingers across his flat stomach with his left hand as he drank milk straight out of the carton with his other one.
“You're staring,” Albus told him, his voice tight as he turned his attention back to James. “Well?” Albus asked him again.
James looked at Albus appraisingly before he stuck the milk back in the fridge and leaned back against the counter, crossing his arms over his chest. “Some sort of outbreak of dragon pox at the training camp. Highly contagious. They were sending everyone home right as I was getting there last night, so I fire-called dad and he got me a last minute international portkey, but it was well past midnight when I got here so I just kipped on the couch so I wouldn’t wake anyone up. By the way, it’s nice to see you too, baby brother.”
Albus looked like he was going to argue out of habit, but then shrugged. “Fair enough.”
The corner of James’s mouth turned up at the corner as he fixed his gaze on Scorpius. “Hello, Scorp. I hope Albus isn’t giving you too much trouble.”
Scorpius opened his mouth to answer, but to his horror, all that came out was a squeak.
Albus gave him a curious look before turning his attention to James and sighing when he realised what had Scorpius so flustered—the outline of James’s half-hard cock. “For fuck’s sake, James, do you have any shame?”
James followed Albus’s gaze and looked down at the slight tent in the front of his joggers and grinned, his voice laced with amusement.
“Oh sorry, should I take care of that? Would that help?” He asked seriously, unfolding his arms and dragging his hand down his chest, the tips of his fingers dipping just below the waistband.
Scorpius felt sure his face was going to catch on fire. James couldn't possibly be serious. Scorpius was saved from finding out if he was actually going to wank right there by Albus snatching the last piece of buttered toast off his plate and throwing it at James. It hit him square in the chest, leaving a greasy trail of butter in its path as it slid down to the floor.
“Oh fine, Ally, spoil all my fun,” James laughed, shaking his head and walking out of the room and down the corridor towards the loo, presumably to wash off the butter and crumbs.
“Ugh!” Albus groaned, blowing the hair out of his eyes and dropping his chin into his hands. “I cannot believe you used to have a crush on him, Scorp.”
Scorpius swallowed. Right. Used to have a crush. Past tense. He'd told Albus months ago he was over James. In hindsight he felt like wanting something to be true and it actually being true might not be the same thing.
At Scorpius’s silence, Albus turned, his eyebrows rising up until they disappeared beneath his fringe. “Oh no. Oh no. Scorpius!” Albus looked like he was going to chunder into the remainder of his bowl of brightly coloured fruit loops.
“I mean, scientifically speaking, we can't actually control who we like. Did you know Muggles have done research on the way the brain actually changes when you're around someone you like and—”
“Scorpius, focus!”
Scorpius snapped his mouth shut, wishing he had his last piece of toast back so he'd have something to shove in his mouth. It might've helped to keep the words in.
“Do you still like James?” Albus had that same look on his face as the time he’d asked Scorpius if he ever wished they’d been sorted in a different house when they used to get teased.
“I mean, define like,” Scorpius tried, twisting his napkin between his fingers until it began to shred, watching the small scraps fall to the table.
“You like the way he looks. You like him even though you know he's a gross pain in the arse. You think about kissing him and—”
“Yes, yes alright, fine, I like him, but it's fine,” Scorpius whispered even though they were still alone. “It'll be fine. It’s still just a crush. Crushes go away eventually, don’t they?”
Albus nodded, pushing his bowl away from him in resignation. “Sure they do.”
“Besides,” Scorpius added, ignoring Albus’s strange shift in mood. “It’s only a week. How bad could it be?”
***
It turned out that things could, in fact, get pretty bad.
After breakfast James had disappeared into one of the spare bedrooms for several hours. Scorpius, once he’d realised James was asleep, had finally relaxed and allowed Albus to coax him out to the beach. California beaches, Scorpius realised, were nothing like British beaches. Sure, the sand felt the same beneath his toes, but when he closed his eyes and let his feet step into the water it was an entirely different experience. Possibly because here the sun was warm enough that the small waves lapping at his ankles were warmer than Scorpius would’ve expected, but also because there was something different about the knowledge that Scorpius’s feet were in an entirely different ocean.
It was silly, really. It wasn’t as if his parents hadn’t taken him on plenty of holidays in his life. But this was America—without his parents—his first holiday since leaving Hogwarts just a fortnight ago. The world felt rife with possibilities, and Scorpius was glad he were here with Albus even if he was rubbing his hands up and down his arms and whining that it was cold, which it was not. Albus was always cold. It was strange to see him now in just a pair of dark green swimming trunks and a smile, no hoodie or woolen socks in sight. There was something beautiful about the careful way he bent down to drag his fingertips through the ocean before splashing Scorpius, then taking off running.
He and Albus spent the next hour chasing each other across the shoreline, splashing each other and Lily until they got the courage to actually go swimming. Scorpius waded out, reaching for Albus unconsciously. Albus grinned, took his hand and walked with him as the water rose higher and higher until it was nearly at their shoulders and they had to jump above the swell of the waves. Though he wasn’t exactly scared anymore, he still held Albus’s hand tightly beneath the water—like his anchor. Finally Scorpius allowed himself to go all the way under, jumping back up spluttering on the salt water in his mouth and up his nose, his wet hair plastered to his forehead.
“You look like a drowned crup,” Albus laughed.
Scorpius wasted no time in releasing Albus’s hand so he could jump on his back, tackling him beneath the water. When they came back up they were both choking on salt water and laughing.
“Now you look like a drowned crup too,” Scorpius snorted. “Or maybe a pygmy puff. They’re awfully fluffy like you,” he chirped, reaching out to brush the wet strands of hair from Albus's eyes. Albus looked frozen, the sunlight glistening on the surface of the water reflecting off his eyes. They looked like the piece of seaglass Scorpius had found when he’d gone to Ibiza with his mother and father. It’d been almost as green as Albus’s eyes and smooth to the touch and Scorpius had kept it locked in the bottom of his trunk like a secret treasure next to his collection of chocolate frog cards and his signed edition of Tatterling’s Tales for Tiny Wizards, which his mum read him when he was little.
The moment was broken by Lily swimming over and using her full weight to push Albus beneath the water again. By the time he and Albus made it out of the ocean, they were completely exhausted, collapsing onto the sand several feet from their towels.
“Wanna build a sand castle?” Scorpius blurted out. Maybe the sun was getting to him. Why did California have so much sun, anyway? He felt sure the heat and lack of clouds must be affecting his judgement. They were eighteen years old. They weren’t kids anymore. But all the same, he looked around at the families on the beach, at the kids digging in the sand with brightly coloured buckets and spades and felt a pang of longing. The few times he’d been to the beach as a child he’d always wanted to make a castle, but he’d never had anyone to do it with, nor the tools, and something about doing it alone had never appealed to Scorpius as a child anyway. He hadn’t liked doing anything alone, really—still didn’t.
Albus furrowed his eyebrows as if thinking before shrugging and giving Scorpius a smile. “Why not. Lils, come help us!” Albus hollered. Lily had looked up from the book she was reading, having abandoned them in the ocean nearly an hour before, dropping it as she clambered over the pile of towels to join them.
Mr Potter walked over a few minutes later with a smile and and arm full of sand toys. Scorpius wasn’t sure where they’d come from, probably discreetly Transfigured from shells or driftwood, and he felt the rush of excitement despite himself.
Something almost childish and intense sparked to life in Scorpius at the sight of the gaudy plastic Muggle beach toys as he screamed, “I get the green one!”, tackling Albus to the ground to grab it from his dad. Harry dropped them the second Albus latched onto his dad’s leg like Devil’s Snare. Harry shook his leg free with a hearty laugh before retreating beneath the umbrella to sit beside Albus’s mum.
Which was exactly the position James found them in minutes later: he and Albus wrestling over children's sand toys. Lily had abandoned them to their childish pursuits, back to sitting beside her mum reading as Albus and Scorpius shrieked so loudly they didn't even hear the approaching feet in the sand.
“Need any help there, Scorp?” James asked, lifting his hand to shield his eyes from the sun as he gazed down at them.
Scorpius went as stiff as if he’d been put in a full Body-Bind, flecks of sand falling onto his cheeks from the spade full of sand Albus held above him as he sat on top of Scorpius. He couldn’t imagine what he looked like lying on his back, wet and covered in sand, with Albus atop him about to drop a pile of sand on his head—probably more like a childish, overripe tomato than a sun-kissed god like James.
The bottom of his stomach dropped out as his eyes traveled up James’s calves, past his knees—somehow knobbly despite his otherwise athletic body, the same knobbly knees Albus had—up to the muscles in his thighs clearly visible beneath his swimming trunks, which were quite a bit tighter and shorter than his or Albus’s. His eyes kept moving up, taking in the shine of James’s skin, the way the sun reflected off the freckles splattered across his stomach and chest, up the line of his neck and up to James’s face, which was overflowing with amusement. Scorpius wished suddenly that Abus would just bury him in the sand and get it over with. There was James looking like a fucking wet dream and Scorpius looked like some sort of overcooked shrimp that had been rolled in sand, playing with toys. Not that he’d ever held any real ideas that James might fancy him back, but if he had, he was utterly certain this situation would’ve been enough to convince James that Scorpius was too young and dorky to be worthy of his attention.
“Nope, I’m good,” Scorpius said hoping his voice didn’t sound as shaky as it felt.
Albus’s mouth twitched before he pressed it into a thin line and began to drop the sand into Scorpius’s hair while James watched.
The corner of James’s mouth turned up in a small smile as he shrugged. “Well, if you change your mind, I’m well versed in saving people.”
Scorpius turned his head to watch as James walked down towards the water, not an ounce of hesitation as he stepped into the water and dove head-first into the oncoming waves.
“You are so fucking red!” Albus snorted, scooping up another spade full of sand and dumping it on Scorpius’s stomach this time, beginning to build a sand castle over his belly button. “Fuck, I can’t believe you actually still like James.”
“There’s a lot to like,” Scorpius said quietly.
Albus stopped digging, the spade held in the air. “Yeah,” he mumbled. “Yeah, there is.”
***
The rest of the day passed by fairly uneventfully. If uneventful included almost dying of embarrassment.
After another hour of shenanigans, Albus and Scorpius went back to the house to shower and change into clean clothes before making their way onto the deck that overlooked the beach. Scorpius knew it was silly, the air in California wasn’t really all that different from England, but there was something about it all the same. When Scorpius closed his eyes and inhaled slowly he felt like he was breathing in possibilities. Of course when he opened them again, James was standing on the edge of the deck, rivulets of water cascading down his neck and broad chest, streaks of wet sand clinging to his trim waist.
It was only when James looked up and smiled that Scorpius realised he was standing on the edge of the deck with his arms spread out like he was a bloody bird or something.
“Having fun?” James asked, grabbing a towel and beginning to dry himself off. Scorpius’s mouth went dry as he watched James rub the brightly striped towel across his body. Unable to speak, he nodded mutely before climbing off the edge of the deck and moving to sit beside Albus, who was proving to be a traitorous best friend and howling with laughter at Scorpius’s misfortune.
James went into the house to shower and promptly disappeared for the next few hours, presumably to nap, before returning right as everyone was beginning to eat supper. This proved to be unfortunate for Scorpius, who had a rather large forkful of spaghetti bolognese halfway to his mouth. Except when James had padded into the dining room wearing nothing but the same pair of joggers as that morning. James’s skin was darker from his day in the sun, closer to Albus’s skintone now, and the faintest hint of a tan line along his hips where his swimming trunks must’ve stopped—his joggers were at least two inches below that, and fucking hell how were they even staying up—and he had definitely just woken up because he was yawning and running his hands through his hair that was sticking up on one side and made him look younger somehow. Once again Scorpius felt assaulted by James’s resemblance to Albus, though he thought perhaps he prefered the softer lines of Albus’s body, it was impossible to not look at James and think fit.
Fortunately for Scorpius, or unfortunately depending on how you looked at it, James immediately came and took the empty seat beside him and Scorpius’s brain suddenly forgot how to work entirely, and instead of things like chewing and being normal his brain decided it was a good idea for his fork to miss his mouth and hit his chin before the pile of food fell down onto his chest, staining his white t-shirt. He could see James trying not to laugh and wondered if anyone had ever died of embarrassment. He felt utterly vexed with himself. He never had this problem around Albus.
After dinner they decided to watch a movie as a family, which seemed like a perfectly safe event to Scorpius. But for some reason the telly wouldn’t work and James volunteered to try to fix it, moving to stand in front of the large television before he crouched down and bent over to fiddle with the small black box that made the telly work, meaning that Scorpius had a full view of James’s backside in the joggers. It wouldn’t have been so bad, except that Scorpius realised, as he admired the seamless way the material was clinging to the curve of James’s arse, that there was absolutely no way James had on any boxers underneath. The knowledge that James was completely bare beneath his joggers was quite literally too much for Scorpius to handle and his face flushed.
Scorpius emitted the smallest whimper, reaching for a sofa cushion and hugging it to his lap to try to hide his response. Albus shot him a curious look that Scorpius dutifully ignored. Things were fine. This was fine. Scorpius had withstood worse, or so he thought. Because as soon as James got the telly working again, instead of sitting on the sofa beside Harry and Ginny, he came over to the one Albus and Scorpius were sitting on, promptly dropping himself down next to Scorpius. James’s jogger-clad thigh pressed against Scorpius’s, and Scorpius felt a shudder course through his body, and before he knew what he was doing he was leaping up from the couch shouting, “I’m tired,” and running to hide in the bedroom.
Scorpius collapsed face-first onto his bed, refusing to move, even when Albus followed him in moments later insisting James hadn’t noticed a thing. Albus was a good liar and an even better friend, but Scorpius still didn’t believe him. Even more confusing was the fact that he felt more upset about what Albus thought of him than James.
When Scorpius had agreed to come to California with Albus’s family, he’d briefly entertained the thought that he might die. But he’d thought it might be because of sharks, or food poisoning from the weird food trucks Americans were so fond of, or maybe even from being hit by a car because Scorpius had watched a documentary on America once and was horrified at the way their drivers didn’t follow traffic laws. He had not, however, at any moment, thought his death would come at the hands of James Sirius Potter and his own inability to ever act like a normal human being around anyone but Albus.
***
The next two days passed without quite so many embarrassing incidents. This was likely because Scorpius did his absolute best to avoid being too close to James, who was always walking around half-dressed in his bloody joggers, smiling brightly at everyone and being far more tactile than anyone Scorpius had ever known. James had no need for personal space and apparently didn’t realise other people might.
Scorpius had dreamed of this once, of being able to spend so much time in close proximity to James, being able to look at him without fear of being noticed by everyone in the entire school. Instead of a dream, however, it felt a bit more like, well Scorpius wasn’t sure what it felt like. It felt weird, he thought, unable to put into words why he felt so overwhelmed being around James.
James was certainly nice, almost too nice, going out of his way to engage Lily and Scorpius and Albus in conversation every single second of the day he was around them, or inviting them for a swim or a game of Exploding Snap. It was as if James needed to fill every moment of silence with talking or games, as if simply existing weren’t enough. Scorpius, who had been raised to be always polite when he was a guest at someone else’s home, found himself constantly saying yes whether he actually wanted to or not.
The thing was, Scorpius found it utterly exhausting to be around someone who was always on. Mr and Mrs Potter were kind but usually busy, and Lily had enough of her own interests that she was often reading or off with her parents doing something. And honestly, that suited Scorpius just fine. He liked the Potters alright, but he was happiest when it was him and Albus alone walking along the beach or reading cheesy novels by the bonfire after everyone else had turned in. James, however, was spending almost all of his time with them, and Scorpius felt as if he were on high alert, over-analyzing every single thought that went through his head, questioning why, despite being thin as a beanpole his stomach still hung over his swimming trunks when he sat down without a shirt, worrying he talked too much or wondering why he felt like his skin didn’t quite belong to him when James was around.
Scorpius marveled at the fact that James was always moving, always laughing, always talking, and Scorpius honestly wasn’t even sure how James managed to breathe with the amount of energy he was constantly outputting. He’d noticed it at Hogwarts, but there’d always been enough other people around that Scorpius had only ever glanced at James, watching him from a safe distance. He’d never truly looked at him. And now that he was looking, well things seemed a bit different to the way he’d built them up in his head, almost as if a veil were being lifted and he were seeing James for the first time.
It wasn’t until late the fourth night, when Teddy unexpectedly walked through the door, that Scorpius realised just how tense he’d been. It wasn’t until James’s attention was completely focused elsewhere as he nearly tripped over his own feet to throw his arms around Teddy in an exuberant hug that Scorpius realised what a relief it was to be able to fade into the background with Albus.
Albus looked equally relieved at Teddy’s arrival, though for what reason Scorpius wasn’t sure. He didn’t get to ask him either, as James loudly proclaimed that Teddy’s arrival was occasion for a celebration and promptly dragged everyone out onto the beach for a bonfire and moonlight swim. Scorpius couldn’t help but notice that Teddy didn’t look overwhelmed by the attention, rather he looked bemused, tossing his shirt onto the sand without a care and following James right into the frigid water still in his jeans. By the time everyone else was ready to retire for the night, Teddy and James were still out in the ocean, splashing each other and talking quietly enough that their voices were lost among the crashing of the waves.
Scorpius couldn’t help but feel like something had changed, though he couldn’t be quite sure what.
***
“Quiet, sweetheart, someone is going to hear you.” That was definitely Teddy’s voice, followed by James’s all-too-familiar soft laugh that almost immediately turned into a moan as Scorpius heard the unmistakable sounds of two people kissing.
Scorpius paused on his way down the corridor, his toothbrush held loosely in one hand and his other hand poised at the door to the loo, about to push it open. Curiosity getting the best of him, he slowly crept down the rest of the corridor to peer around the wall into the kitchen. It was early still, not even half past six, and Scorpius hadn’t expected anyone else to be awake yet—and clearly neither had Teddy or James, who were locked in a close embrace.
Teddy looked reluctant to pull out of the kiss, a deep sort of longing on his face as he stepped back, his hand lingering on James’s cheek. “Someone might wake up.”
James’s eyelids fluttered open and he took one step towards Teddy, closing the distance again. “I don’t care. I missed you. I didn’t think you were coming.”
From his vantage point, Scorpius could see the sides of both their faces, see the way Teddy’s thumb stroked down the side of James’s face and the way his other arm wound its way around James’s bare waist to curl around his hip almost possessively. “I wasn’t sure I was gonna come. It’s getting too hard to hide how I feel about you.”
“And how do you feel about me?” James asked, looking as if he would give Teddy anything he asked for. Scorpius was used to seeing James laugh, seeing him tease and joke and look like nothing in the world could rile him up. He’d never seen him like this—soft and open and vulnerable.
“Fuck, you know, Jamie. You know.” Scorpius watched Teddy’s Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed, exhaling slowly and glancing at the clock above their heads that read six thirty-four. “Harry doesn’t usually wake until at least a quarter past seven.”
James grinned, realising he’d won, darting forward to press his lips to Teddy’s. Teddy hummed into the kiss, his fingers sliding lower beneath the waistband of James’s boxers—all he was wearing—to stroke over the curve of James’s arse. Scorpius felt his own arousal flare. They were certainly attractive, the sight of the wisps of hair falling into Teddy’s eyes fluttering from blue to pink as James sucked on his bottom lip was intoxicating. This, Scorpius realised, was not the first time they’d done this. Not even close. He couldn’t help but wonder how long they’d been doing this.
Scorpius knew he should turn around, that this was not meant for his eyes, but a weird feeling was pooling in the pit of his stomach as he watched Teddy’s hand move until it was in the front of James’s joggers, watched the easy way he began to pull James off and the way James quietly submitted to the touches, soft whimpers that felt nearly melodic in the early morning light that was flooding the kitchen.
His feet felt rooted to the spot as James tilted his head back, baring his neck for Teddy and keening in silent submission.
“So beautiful,” Teddy whispered, kissing his way down the side of James’s neck as James arched into him, his own hands fisted so tightly in Teddy’s white t-shirt his knuckles were turning red.
Teddy clearly knew exactly what James liked, because it was only a matter of minutes before James was a shuddering mess, his moans only kept silent by Teddy swallowing them with his own mouth, pressing James back against the counter and continuing to stroke him inside his boxers until James looked utterly spent. James leaned back looking completely blissed out, eyes wide and a blooming wet patch on the front of his boxers.
Scorpius’s face flushed when he realised they were not done, watching James drop down to his knees, eyes wide and earnest as he looked up at Teddy.
“Fucking hell, someone might see,” Teddy protested weakly, but his hands were already on his own pyjama bottoms, helping James push them down to his thighs as James nuzzled at his hip, rucking his shirt up and kissing across Teddy’s stomach, pausing to lavish extra attention on the crescent moon tattoo on his hip before moving along until his mouth was inches from Teddy’s erection. Teddy, it seemed, was incapable of resisting James. Scorpius tried to imagine being sucked off in the middle of a kitchen full of Potters and thought he’d rather die.
Scorpius was reminded once again just how different James was from himself, and apparently how similar he was to Teddy, both of them so wrapped up in each other they hadn’t even noticed him. As erotic as the scene in front of him was, he had absolutely zero exhibitionst streak in him, and he decided Teddy and James were actually rather well-suited. Teddy always had been the only one who could calm James down, and James had always been the only one to make Teddy laugh when he was particularly solemn over the holidays when Scorpius came to visit. He thought perhaps they all should've seen this coming.
Scorpius watched in awe as James began to blow Teddy, but it wasn’t the sight of Teddy’s cock in James’s mouth that had him riveted to the spot, but the look of complete and utter adulation on Teddy’s face as he slid his fingers into James’s hair. Fuck. This was wrong. It wasn’t even what they were doing that made Scorpius burn with shame for watching, but the way they so obviously felt about each other. It was there in the way Teddy looked at James, the way he touched him, and the way those looks and caresses were returned that left Scorpius in no doubt that they were in love.
He stumbled down the corridor blindly, dropping his toothbrush in his haste to return to his room, his insides burning with shame and confusion.
Scorpius spent the remainder of the day stealing glances at Teddy and James and wondering if his face was as red as it felt. The swirl of emotions inside of him didn't make any sense. He felt certain he should've been jealous of Teddy for being able to touch James like that, but the most he could muster was a strange sort of jealousy not of Teddy but of both of them—of the intimacy and familiarity they clearly shared.
It should've set the flames of Scorpius’s crush on fire to have seen James getting off with someone else, but instead it felt as if it had somehow dulled the flames instead. When he looked at James running across the sand chasing Lily as Teddy watched him from beneath the umbrella beside Harry where they each sat both nursing a beer with a contented smile, he didn’t feel jealous. He didn’t necessarily feel like he longed for James, though he did long for what James apparently had with Teddy. But he was happy for him, happy for both of them. James seemed calmer today already, more at peace with himself and less flitty. James seemed somehow more himself since Teddy’s arrival, and Scorpius found himself hard pressed to deny that he felt the opposite of himself around James.
It wasn’t James’s fault. It was just that something about James made Scorpius feel wrong somehow, uncomfortable in his own skin. But he thought of the way James had seemed to relax now that Teddy was here, as if he were somehow even more himself now. It made Scorpius think about the way he felt when he was with Albus and—fuck, Albus.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” Albus asked, licking the melted chocolate and globs of marshmallow off the tips of his fingers. It was the third night they'd made s'mores around the fire since they’d arrived. Albus had immediately declared his favourite thing about America were the s'mores. Scorpius didn’t care for them much, they were sticky and sickening, but he liked watching Albus eat them. In fact, Scorpius had seen Albus eat thirteen of the overly sweet concoctions already, so watching him move on to number fourteen should've been no different. Except Albus’s hair was falling into his eyes and he was sucking chocolate off his forefinger and—fuckity fuck fuck this could not be happening. His cock was not getting hard watching Albus.
“You want a bite?” Albus asked, holding out his half-eaten s’more to share it, the same way they shared everything else.
“Not hungry,” Scorpius squeaked, shifting uncomfortably as he looked back and forth between James and Albus. To casual onlookers they didn't seem that alike. James’s complexion was a bit lighter like his mum’s, his face dotted in freckles and his build a bit more athletic than Albus’s. But they shared a lot of the same features. They both had Mrs Potter’s nose, smaller than Mr Potter’s and turning up at the tip. Though James’s hair was a light brown, nearly auburn, and Albus’s was pitch-black like his dad's, they both had Mr Potter's mass of untamable hair. There was something in the strength of their jaws and the almond shape of their eyes that made it quite obvious they were related.
And it occurred to Scorpius quite suddenly that while James was incredibly attractive, the things Scorpius had always liked best—his knobbly knees and messy hair and crooked smile—were the features he had in common with Albus. Albus, whose beautiful green eyes were currently appraising him curiously as he popped the last bit of marshmallow-coated s’more into his mouth.
“Why are you being weird?” Albus asked, scooting his chair closer and leaning into Scorpius. “Is it because of the thing you told me earlier?”
Scorpius looked around the fire, at Lily and Teddy and Mrs Potter in hysterics as James and his dad reenacted the Falmouth Falcons’ win last week against the Kestrals, and swallowed down the bile rising in his throat. He thought back to that morning and stumbling into the room he shared with Albus and confessing what he'd seen, about the way Albus had quickly masked his surprise and tried to make Scorpius feel better.
Scorpius had let him think he was more upset than he was because he'd liked the way Albus had climbed into his bed and begun to stroke his hair. It only occurred to him now, with Albus looking at him with such concern, that the only thing that had truly upset him today was the moment Albus had stopped touching him.
“It's not—” but then he paused, unsure what to say. He didn't think I changed my mind I think I might fancy you and not your brother was exactly the kind of thing you were supposed to spring on your best friend, at least not if you were trying to make sure you didn't lose him. “I think I just ate too many s’mores. I'm gonna head in and lie down.”
“Want me to come with you?” Albus asked. It was always like that. Whatever Scorpius wanted, whatever he needed, Albus wanted to give it to him. It was like being woken from a dream and try as you might, you couldn't get back to sleep.
Scorpius liked Albus. Fuck.
Scorpius rose from his chair and shook his head. “No, it's fine. Stay. Have fun.”
Albus looked unconvinced. “But—”
“It's fine. I promise,” he lied. He was getting better at doing that.
Scorpius took his leave, walking through the house towards their room and collapsing on his bed. He wasn't sure how long he lay there, but when Albus came in, for the first time since he'd met him, he pretended to be asleep, suddenly unsure what he was supposed to say or do.
Liking James had felt scary, but the truth was it was easy. James was attractive but—safe—and somewhere along the line, Scorpius had put him so high up on a pedestal he was unable to see what had been right in front of him, because he was too busy looking in the wrong place.
But Albus, Albus wasn't unattainable. Albus was beautiful like the stars that keep shining even when you're too busy looking at the moon. Albus was literally everything to Scorpius, and the idea of losing him was inconceivable. He tried to imagine a life without Albus and found his chest aching painfully just thinking about it. Liking Albus was dangerous because it wasn’t impossible—at least he didn't think so, even if Albus never talked about fancying anyone, boys or girls—and if it were possible, it meant that there was a chance for things to go wrong. And if they went wrong Scorpius didn’t just lose a crush, he lost his best friend. He’d lose everything.
Scorpius knew he’d rather face a thousand deaths than do a single thing that put him at risk of losing Albus. Albus was shifting, and Scorpius didn’t need to open his eyes to know that he was pulling the sheet up to his chin and rolling onto his side, that he’d be tucking his left arm under the pillow before closing his eyes. Scorpius stayed impossibly still, not even moving a finger until the all-too-familiar sounds of Albus’s soft rhythmic breathing indicated he was asleep. Then Scorpius opened his eyes and rolled over. Sure enough, Albus was in the exact position he’d expected, facing Scorpius, his dark hair fanned out on the pillow and the moonlight from the open curtains casting a soft glow across his sleep-flushed cheeks.
He was beautiful.
Fuck.
***
“Morning Scorp,” James chirped as he walked into the kitchen the next morning, always the eternal early riser. The only reason Scorpius was up at such an utterly wretched hour was that he was still struggling to adjust to the timezone change and refused to take any potions to help him sleep. They always made him feel funny the next day. He and James were the only two awake and for the first time Scorpius could remember, he didn’t feel nervous about that. He no longer felt a weird, impossible need to be someone he wasn’t around James.
James was wearing a different pair of joggers today, bright red with the word Gryffindor down the side and a plain white t-shirt—Teddy’s shirt, if he wasn’t mistaken. He wondered if Mr Potter had any idea what he was doing when he’d told Teddy they were out of rooms and he’d have to share the last bedroom with James.
“Good morning, James,” Scorpius answered, rummaging around in the cupboard for a bowl, turning around when he found one only to find James staring at him like he had two heads. “What?”
“That’s the first time you’ve said more than one word to me since you were thirteen and spent the weekend at our house and accidently told me about the mating habits of Erumpents when I asked if you wanted a bacon butty.”
Scorpius blushed at the reminder. It had not been one of his finer moments.
James’s hand stopped halfway to the fridge and he turned to give Scorpius a searching look. Scorpius blushed under the intensity of his gaze. “Alright. Spill,” James said.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
James shook his head, walking around the kitchen island and planting himself atop one of the barstools. “You’re really a shit liar for a Slytherin, Scorp.”
James had a way of looking at people that made it feel as if he could see everything about them. It was unnerving. The only person Scorpius wanted to know everything about him was Albus.
Scorpius sighed, dragging his bare feet on the the cool tile floor as he padded across the kitchen to drop into the empty barstool beside James. “Right, well, this is going to be embarrassing.”
James smiled again. “It’s only embarrassing if you let it be.”
Easier for you, Scorpius thought, but he continued anyway. It was as if his heart had decided to confess before his brain could even consider it, and the words came pouring out. “I don’t know if you knew but...I’ve sort of had a crush on you. For a long time. Or I did. I don’t anymore. Not since I realised you look a bit like a Quaffle landing board. Well that and you’re taken.”
James opened and shut his mouth a few times and if Scorpius hadn’t been thinking about how much he wished the ground might swallow him whole, he would’ve been amused at seeing James rendered speechless for the first time.
“I might’ve also seen you and Teddy in the kitchen yesterday,” he added in a whisper.
“Fucking hell, Scorpius.” James rubbed his hands across his face. Scorpius didn’t know why it felt so strange to see James’s shock written across his face so plainly. He’d always assumed on some level that James must have known. “How much did you see?”
Scorpius had the decency to blush, burying his face in his hands and mumbling something unintelligible. To his surprise, instead of being angry or disgusted, James laughed.
Scorpius lifted his face to peek at James. “Are you mad?”
“Never took you for a voyeur, Scorp. You kinky bastard.” Then he stopped, a look of seriousness passing across his face, “To be honest, I uh...I thought you were just shy. I thought, well, I thought you and Albus were together and just weren’t ready to tell anyone.”
This time it was Scorpius’s turn to do a rather awkward impersonation of a fish, his mouth hanging open. “What?”
James blew out a brew and fixed his hazel eyes on Scorpius. “It’s actually why I’m with Teddy. Well, sort of.”
“I’m afraid I find that hard to believe,” Scorpius told him, unable to imagine how he and Albus could’ve led to Teddy and James being together.
“I just...I was a bit jealous, to be honest. Don’t tell Albus. He’ll never let me live it down. But you two...you’ve always been so close. It was the day after you two went back to Hogwarts after Christmas holidays. All I could think about was the way you two looked at each other. It was like it didn’t matter if anyone else was around, it was always just you two. I thought, ‘Wow, even Albus isn’t scared to be in love, why am I?’ so I Apparated into Teddy’s flat and told him I was in love with him. Probably should’ve waited until it wasn’t three in the morning and I wasn’t smashed to do it, but it worked out alright.”
Scorpius dropped his chin into his hands, his mind reeling. “I thought I liked you, for years. It was...everyone liked you. It felt like where my attention was supposed to be. Not that you’re not great, or attractive. You’re very nice looking, which you probably know since, well since you know what you look like you’ve got a mirror. Merlin’s tits, this is coming out wrong.”
“No really it's coming out great. You don’t fancy me and I look like Quidditch training supplies this is very good for my ego,” James laughed. Scorpius opened his mouth to apologize but James reached over and ruffled his hair, that same smile he’d on his face when he’d promised Albus he’d never left anyone pick on him at school after he'd been sorted into Slytherin. “So what about Al then?”
“What about him?” Scorpius ducked his head, trying to hide his smile. Scorpius had always believed James incapable of being quiet or serious, but he was being both and Scorpius felt grateful.
James leaned onto his elbow, his hazel eyes piercing right through Scorpius. “You’re in love with him, aren’t you?”
“It’s not that. Well...ok yes actually it is that. It is absolutely and completely that which is exactly the problem because I just—I don’t want to lose him.”
James ran his hands through his hair, quiet for several minutes as if weighing his words heavily. “I don’t know what might happen, Scorp. But...he looks at you the same way you look at him.”
“And how is that?” Scorpius asked, suddenly feeling as if the room was far too small or his heart far too big.
“Like you’re in love.”
***
James left Scorpius alone after that, allowing Scorpius to have his crisis in peace. It didn’t make sense that in the midst of feeling as if his entire life was on the verge of being upended, that he felt happy.
It was nearly an hour later, just as Scorpius was finally pouring himself a bowl of Lucky Charms, that Albus walked into the kitchen and Scorpius once again felt every bit of oxygen leave his body. Albus was wearing James’s joggers. James was a bit broader than Albus but Albus was taller, so the joggers fit him just as low on the hips. Of course the difference was Albus was wearing his favourite hoodie with them, not walking around half-naked, and Scorpius found he liked that image even better. He liked Albus’s utter mess of bedhead and the way his hands were hidden inside the sleeves of his too-big hoodie, and he liked that when Albus lifted his arms and stretched the hoodie rose up enough that he could see the soft, flat expanse of Albus’s stomach. James’s body was fit, nice to look at, sure, but oh Merlin, when he looked at Albus’s body he wanted to do a lot more than look.
“Are those James’s joggers?” he managed to choke out right after realising he had somehow managed to miss his bowl and had covered half the table in a shower of rainbow marshmallow cereal. Fucking Potters and joggers.
Albus looked up and blushed, pulling his hood over his hair and mumbling something that sounded decidedly like, “It was the only thing to wear.”
Scorpius couldn't think of a single reply, so instead of speaking he settled for watching Albus move around the kitchen gracefully as he made tea, watched the line of his long legs in the joggers, and it occurred to Scorpius that when he looked at Albus wearing them all he could think about was how much more he liked them on Albus. His earlier conversation with James was replaying in his mind and it felt easy to admit to himself now that he liked everything better when Albus was involved.
And that’s when it hit Scorpius. He didn’t just have a crush, he was in love.
Fuck, he was utterly and completely in love with Albus.
The rest of the day, Scorpius found himself unable to look away from Albus, which honestly wasn’t anything new. He’d spent years looking at Albus. The difference was this time he wasn’t afraid of what he might see.
He remembered being fourteen and watching Albus undress and having to hide in the toilets and telling himself it must be because Albus looked like James, because he could not fancy his best friend—that would be a fucking disaster. He remembered all the times Albus had climbed into his bed when he’d had a bad dream and how he’d never wanted him to leave, the way his bed had smelled like Albus after and how he’d left notes for the house-elves begging them not to change his sheets. He remembered being sixteen and wondering if he’d ever love anyone as much as he loved Albus and thinking maybe friendship was better than a relationship anyway. He remembered all the small crushes he’d had on boys, and especially the one on James, and how every single one had felt just a little bit wrong, had made Scorpius feel like he wasn’t good enough, when the truth was they were wrong—they weren’t Albus.
Scorpius spent the rest of the day with his face burning, as if everyone must certainly know just by looking at him how he felt. Of course, like always, the only one who noticed was Albus.
“You sure you’re alright?” Albus asked, bumping Scorpius’s shoulder playfully as they walked towards their room to change into their swimming trunks. Everyone else was already down at the beach, but Albus had stayed by Scorpius’s side as he ate so many pieces of toast he thought his stomach might explode, unsure what to do with his hands and mouth so he’d just kept eating. “You’ve been off all morning. I’m sorry...about James. I know you like him. If I’d known he was seeing Teddy, I swear I would’ve told you. I didn’t even know James could keep a secret, especially from me.” He rubbed his hand on the side of his face before pushing the door open.
Scorpius followed behind him silently. It was long moments before he spoke. “It’s fine, I don’t like James.”
Albus turned around, looking pained, as if he were trying to hide something and couldn’t. The idea of Albus keeping something from Scorpius felt fundamentally wrong, as if the axis of the world were shifting beneath his feet and everything was precariously balanced and he was teetering on the edge about to fall.
“You don’t have to lie, Scorp. Not to me. I know how you feel about him.”
“Albus, it’s not—”
Albus groaned, dropping down onto the edge of his bed and pulling on his hair before looking up at Scorpius, his lips curled up in frustration. “You look like someone just told you that you couldn’t have a crup. You look like someone broke your heart. I don’t know why you’re lying to me.”
“I’m not lying! Not about this!” Scorpius yelled, then clapped his hand over his mouth.
Albus pulled his bottom lip into his mouth and looked at Scorpius. His hair was falling into his eyes and he looked confused. Scorpius couldn’t blame him. His feelings were confusing enough for him, and they were inside his own brain.
“I’m not lying about that,” he said quietly, sitting down on the bed beside Albus. Their legs pressed together from the top of his thigh to his ankle. The bare skin of Albus’s knee and calf were warm and comforting, and Scorpius closed his eyes and opened his mouth. “It’s not James I like.”
Albus was quiet for so long Scorpius began to worry he’d broken him, like the time over breakfast last year he’d casually mentioned the sex book he’d owl ordered and experimented with. Albus had choked on his porridge and then stared at the table for a good thirty minutes before speaking to Scorpius.
“If you say you fancy my dad I’m gonna have to draw the line,” Albus tried to joke, but his voice cracked on the words and Scorpius could see his hands shaking in his lap. Of course Albus would assume it was his dad. Scorpius wondered why Albus was always so sure everyone would pick his father or his brother over him, when as far as Scorpius was concerned, Albus eclipsed them both.
“Wrong Potter,” Scorpius said, hoping he sounded braver than he felt.
“Oh fuck, not Lily,” Albus said, finally raising his eyes to Scorpius’s.
Scorpius opened his mouth a few times, spluttering in surprise. “No,” he hissed, “Lily’s beautiful but she’s….she’s a girl.” He said it as if a girl were synonymous with things he had no desire to touch, like Blast-Ended Skrewts and Flobberworms.
“But, that only leaves….me.” Albus swallowed, looking overwhelmed, and something twisted painfully in Scorpius’s chest.
“Merlin, I’m so sorry. I’m absolutely and completely in love with you and I think you’re the most beautiful person alive and the only reason I liked James was because he reminded me of you but I was scared to like you because I didn’t care if James never talked to me again but I’d die if you didn’t talk to me for one day. And Merlin, this wasn’t supposed to happen! I’m a gay disaster.”
Albus was speechless before blurting out, “I’m the gay disaster!”
“Wait, you’re gay? Since when?” Scorpius asked, realising at some point he’d reached down and taken Albus’s hand. Albus didn’t seem to mind, though. His thumb was stroking over the top of Albus’s hand in a soothing manner. It made everything feel a little less scary.
“Oh well, I’m not. Not exactly. Dad bought me a book last year and I think...I think I’m demisexual actually. But I mean, I’m not really sure. There’s never been anyone but you. It’s always,” he stopped, puffing up his cheeks with air before blowing out a breath. “It’s always only been you.”
Scorpius’s mind reeled, his head spun, and the only thing keeping him centered were the circles Albus was making on his wrist now with his forefinger. “How long?”
“Dunno, a few years. I just woke up one day and realised it was there. That it had always been there.”
“Why didn't you ever tell me?” Scorpius asked, chewing on the inside of his cheek.
“You liked James. I mean...of course you did, who doesn’t?” He laughed in that self-deprecating way, as if he knew deep down that he would always be everyone’s second choice.
Scorpius looked at the lines of Albus’s face, the smile he knew intimately and the eyes he’d seen directed at him a million times. He thought of Albus’s laugh and his biting sense of humour. He thought of the way Albus looked first thing in the morning or just before falling asleep. He thought of every moment he’d spent with Albus and knew he wanted a million more moments together, and that even then, it would never feel like enough.
Scorpius didn’t know how to explain the torrent of emotions that had been swirling inside of him the last twenty-four hours, or the way his own feelings had been tangled up and repressed. He felt blind and stupid for having not seen it before, but all of that shame and guilt was pushed aside by the reality of Albus in front of him—of Albus saying he liked him.
“I love you,” Scorpius whispered, and he knew they’d need to talk about it more later, probably a lot, but he also knew the only thing he wanted to say right now was that. “I love you so much I thought I might die if I admitted it even to myself because I couldn’t—I can’t lose you.”
“Oh,” Albus breathed, eyes bright. His chest was rising and falling rapidly as if he couldn’t quite control his breathing.
Scorpius had never felt more excited nor more terrified in his life as he pulled his hands free of Albus’s hands to place them on his face. “I love you,” he said again, not sure if he was saying it for Albus or himself.
“I love you too,” Albus breathed, his eyes fluttering shut as Scorpius leaned forward to kiss him. His hands shook against Albus’s warm cheeks as he pressed their lips together, his every nerve ending alert as Albus twined his fingers into Scorpius’s hair and deepened the kiss.
“Merlin, we’re kissing,” Scorpius mumbled against Albus’s mouth.
Albus barked out a laugh, blinking his eyes open to look at Scorpius. “Yeah, we are. I like it. I like it a lot.”
“Me too. We should do this forever,” Scorpius laughed as he nuzzled their noses together and pressed chaste kisses across the few sparse freckles along the bridge of Albus's nose and down to capture his lips again.
Albus sighed into the kiss, pulling Scorpius back to collapse on the bed, both of them laughing as they adjusted until they were side by side, their legs tangled and their hands joined between them as they kissed.
Scorpius marveled that he’d ever thought he could want anyone else. Merlin, Albus was perfect, and fuck, when he touched Scorpius, Scorpius felt perfect too.
Scorpius swallowed, eyes riveted on the flush of Albus’s red lips. He’d done that. He’d made them red. He’d made Albus breathless. He shifted his hips and felt Albus’s cock pressed into his hip and groaned because, fuck, he’d done that too.
“I love you,” Scorpius murmured, as he pulled on Albus’s waist and tugged him closer.
“You said that already,” Albus laughed, but there was something in his eyes when Scorpius said it that made Scorpius feel heady. The idea that he was making Albus happy, making him feel good, was the single most overwhelming feeling in Scorpius’s entire life.
Scorpius huffed against Albus’s cheek, breathless from kissing. “Gonna say it forever.”
Albus shuddered, his eyes wide. “Forever is a long time.”
“Yeah, yeah it is,” he agreed, brushing the hair from Albus’s eyes, the tips of his fingers trailing down the side of Albus’s neck. “Still might not be long enough.”
“Guess we’ll have to make every moment count then,” Albus said with a wicked grin, surprising Scorpius when he grabbed ahold of Scorpius’s hips and rolled them until he was on top of Scorpius, their erections pressed together. Albus was looking down at him, hair falling into his eyes and his face flushed with arousal. Scorpius thought he’d known every one of Albus’s expressions—but this one, this look of bliss was new and Scorpius wanted to memorise it.
Albus rolled his hips, their clothed erections sliding against each other and Scorpius bit his lip hard enough to bleed, his hands scrambling for something to hold onto. He settled for fisting them in the front of Albus’s worn t-shirt as Albus began to rock against him.
They were both fully dressed, but when Albus looked down at him, Scorpius felt stripped bare. The sounds of people laughing and talking on the beach and the waves crashing in the background filtered through the open bedroom window and Scorpius found it hard to breathe. It felt simultaneously like a dream, and yet more real than anything Scorpius had ever known in his life. In the deepest recesses of his mind he wondered if they were moving too fast. But then Albus rolled them over so that Scorpius was on top allowing Albus’s fingers to slip just beneath the back of his trousers, his fingertips grazing the sensitive skin of Scorpius’s arse and he very nearly cried. This didn't feel too fast—it felt fucking perfect, almost as if Scorpius had been waiting his entire life for this moment, he just hadn't known it.
Albus was touching him, Albus was kissing him, as they frotted together and Merlin, Scorpius would normally be embarrassed by the sounds he was making if Albus wasn’t making even more. Albus, restrained in all things, was completely uninhibited now, and Scorpius knew he was the only one who had ever seen him like this. All too soon the pleasure was too much, he felt it coiling in his his thighs, his legs tingling with anticipation of pleasure as he arched, crying out into Albus’s mouth as he came inside his trousers, hard and hot.
“Fucking hell, you’re gorgeous,” Albus groaned, burying his face in Scorpius’s neck as his hips moved erratically. One, two, three thrusts and then Albus was making noises against the shell of his ear that, if Scorpius had not just come harder than he ever had just moments before, would’ve made him hard in two seconds. As it was, his cock still twitched in appreciation of the utter eroticness of realising Albus, his Albus, had just come because of him.
When Albus pulled back to look at him, there was an almost shy smile on his face as his tongue darted out at the corner of his mouth. “Hey,” he whispered.
“Hi,” Scorpius said softly, tucking a stray strand of hair behind Albus’s ear.
“You okay?” Albus asked, as if even in this moment of post-orgasmic bliss, his first and only thought were once again Scorpius.
“Absolutely and completely perfect. Never better. This is even better than the year Slytherin won the house cup and the time we got top marks in our Potions N.E.W.T.”
Albus smiled so big his face was half teeth. He looked younger when he smiled like that, more vulnerable, and Scorpius knew then he'd do anything to make him happy.
“Even better than the time we used the Invisibility Cloak to sneak into the Gryffindor common room and charmed all the banners Slytherin colours?”
“Abso-Merlin-lutely,” he laughed, heart lighter than it had been in years. It wasn't, he realised, just that he loved Albus, but also that he somehow loved himself more when he was with him.
“That's...that's good,” Albus said, dropping his forehead down to Scorpius and pressing a quick kiss to his lips.
Scorpius hummed, fingers stroking along the bare skin of Albus’s back beneath his t-shirt. He closed his eyes and pulled Albus close, the smell of sea drifting through the cracked window as the collection of driftwood and seashell wind chimes outside rattled an almost hypnotic tune. He felt Albus shift and grab his wand, felt Albus’s magic wash over him as the sticky sweaty mess upon his skin disappeared, replaced by nothing but the solid warmth of Albus’s body above his own when Albus collapsed back atop him.
Scorpius marveled that he had ever worried he could lose this, when it seemed so obvious now that it wasn't about what he might lose, but what he would gain—everything.
***
“S’our last day. I don’t want to go home yet,” Albus mumbled around a mouth full of frosted flakes. Scorpius was, at this point, now convinced that the only reason Albus liked America so much was because all of their breakfast food seemed to be dessert in disguise.
“I don’t know, I think I’m ready,” Scorpius said. He looked at the array of cereal boxes sitting in front of him and tried to decide if the shredded wheat biscuits covered in sugar or the bran flakes with raisins, also covered in sugar, were a better pre-Portkey breakfast.
Albus finished chewing, swallowing down his bite, and licking his lips. “Yeah? How come?”
Scorpius nodded, finally settling on the Raisin Bran. He closed his fingers around the box and pulled it closer. “Well, we’re getting our own flat next week. And I’ve got the potions apprenticeship starting soon and you’ve got your photography. We just,” he stopped, his heart beating around in his chest so loud he could barely hear himself think. “We’ve got our future. Everything here is nice. Wonderful. Merlin do I like being here with you, but it’s not home. Everything here feels a bit temporary.”
“Fuck, I love you,” Albus said, dropping his spoon and turning in his chair, his hands shooting out to cup the sides of Scorpius’s face. Scorpius turned so they were facing each other, their knees bumping together.
“I love you too,” Scorpius answered, his voice shaking. He didn’t think he’d ever get tired of being able to say it. “I love you so much.”
“Fucking hell, how are you real?” Albus whispered, his thumb stroking across Scorpius’s cheek.
Scorpius leaned forward, about to kiss him, when they heard footsteps coming down the corridor, followed by James and Teddy’s voices. Albus pulled back immediately, blowing his hair out of his eyes and shoving a soggy spoonful of cereal in his mouth.
James was laughing, playfully swatting Teddy’s hands off his hip when they walked into the kitchen and discovered they were not the first ones awake.
“Good morning,” Teddy said with a cough, dropping his hand immediately as the tips of his hair turned a rather vibrant shade of chartreuse. A flush began to spread across Teddy’s cheeks and he walked to the corner of the kitchen, turning his back on them as he put on the kettle.
“Morning boys,” James said with a knowing look, leaning back against the counter and folding his arms across his bare chest. He was wearing his Gryffindor joggers again today, and nothing else. Well, unless you counted the erection tenting the front of his trousers, which he wore as confidently as his smile, winking at Teddy when he caught Teddy staring.
“Morning,” Scorpius answered for them both, since Albus seemed determined to stuff his mouth with enough sugar-coated flakes that he didn't need to speak. Scorpius also knew, without Albus needing to say, that the only reason he’d pulled back was because it was James, and he was probably worried that some small part of Scorpius still fancied him, maybe even still cared what he thought.
“Have a good evening?” James asked, stretching his arms above his head like a kneazle. Scorpius tried not to laugh as he watched Teddy begin to pour the hot water onto the counter instead of in the cup. Potters and joggers indeed.
“Yeah, it was fantastic,” Scorpius said. “Did you know there are ways to have sex without taking your clothes off?” He clapped his hand over his mouth.
Albus began to choke on his cereal and Teddy swore as he poured the water on his hand this time. James’s eyebrows rose but he didn’t even falter, smiling instead. “Yeah, yeah I did.”
“Good, that’s great. Marvelous even,” Scorpius mumbled as his voice trailed out, snatching the box of Raisin Bran and dumping a double portion into his bowl.
He could see Albus watching him out of the corner of his eye, see his surprise and pleasure that Scorpius wasn’t hiding their relationship. Albus’s eyes were bright as he pulled his bottom lip into his mouth between his teeth. He looked so happy Scorpius could barely breathe. Something about Albus made Scorpius feel brave.
“I’m in love with Albus, by the way. And we had sex last night. Twice. And he’s perfect.”
Albus let out a squeak of surprise beside him, his spoon hovering above his bowl as his eyes darted towards James and Teddy before landing back on Scorpius.
“About fucking time,” James laughed. I’m happy for both of you.”
Scorpius sat up straighter, reaching for the milk and pouring it into his bowl. There were so many things Scorpius wanted to say, to James, to Albus, hell, even to Teddy—like that he knew exactly what it was like to love a Potter so much you could barely breathe—but he didn’t say any of it. Instead, his eyes were drawn to dusting of sugar on the corner of Albus’s mouth and all Scorpius could think about was licking it off. So he did.
Ignoring James’s low whistle and Albus’s squeak of surprise that quickly turned into soft sigh as Scorpius darted forward to swipe his tongue along the corner of Albus’s full lips before kissing him, pushing the hood off Albus’s head and tangling his fingers in Albus’s mop of bedhead.
He was dimly aware of the sounds of Lily and Albus’s parents walking into the kitchen, could hear James loudly corralling everyone out of the kitchen as Lily protested she wanted food, and through it all Scorpius kept on touching Albus, kept on kissing him, content in the knowledge that he could.
Albus was his and he was Albus’s and fuck, things were good. Better than good. They were perfect. They always had been, he realised as Albus’s familiar fingers slid into his hair and down the back of his head to curl around the back of his neck. They always had been perfect and Scorpius had been too scared to see it.
Scorpius didn’t feel scared now. He felt bold, courageous—he felt loved.