Chapter Text
Timeless, composed, and almost ethereal. That was how Tammy had always thought of Lou Miller. To be perfectly honest, she wasn’t even sure of Lou’s exact age. But the one thing that she knew was that Lou was always deliberate and precise with her aesthetic and demeanor.
Sure, her temper might flare a little if you fucked with someone she loved, but she was generally even-tempered, the cool one.
So when Tammy got the call to pick up the unconscious human in possession of Lou’s phone, she was a bit taken aback. That certainly didn’t sound like Lou. Lou leveraged her natural height and outrageous footwear as an intimidation mechanism, and she looked like a fucking badass, but she generally stuck to getting buzzed and observing. She seldom got plastered. Tammy remembered her distinctly groaning on one such occasion, “I fucking hate losing control. Don’t let me go past six again.”
--
Lou was passed out, slumped over in the corner of the seedy dive bar by the time Tammy got through the traffic. She was the only contact saved in Lou’s phone, other than the Jailbird. Even from across the bar Tammy could see there was blood in her hair an on her face, matting her bangs against her forehead.
“Christ,” Tammy muttered under her breath, “this is even worse than I thought.” Tammy hadn’t seen Lou in a few years, not since the last job they’d run with Debbie. She’d known Lou and Debbie had had a falling out, but after that she’d only heard from Lou occasionally. They’d call each other to worry over Debbie, but Tammy hadn’t been able to get a hold of Lou since the arrest. She was pretty convinced Lou had blocked her number, honestly.
Tammy nodded her thanks to the bartender. Tammy would’ve stood out like a sore thumb in this bar, but it was nearly 3 a.m. and the place was dead. Tammy’s face was bare, her hair pulled back into a hasty ponytail, as you do when rescuing your dumbass city friend from self-destruction.
Tammy got ice, water, and a bar towel from the decently friendly but extremely burly, heavily tattooed bartender, promising to clear out soon. She knelt down beside Lou and started gingerly wiping the dried blood from her face, taking stock of her injuries. She’d definitely gotten clocked a few times, but it didn’t look too bad. Most of the damage appeared to have been caused by her face catching something like the edge of a ring. She checked Lou’s hands, knowing she would’ve put up a fight.
“Oh…Lou…” Her fingers were bloody, swollen and bruised. Tammy realized quickly she wouldn’t be able to get the rings off in this state. She did her best to clean them off and iced her knuckles. Tammy took a deep breath and shook Lou gently.
“Lou, honey, wake up. God, I hope you didn’t hit your head…” Lou didn’t budge. Tammy rested her forehead against her palms. “Okay Tammy. You’ve got this.” She splashed water on Lou’s face and slapped her gently. Lou stirred groggily, confused.
“Hmm? What? Ow.” She tried to open her eyes but one of them was swollen slightly shut.
“Lou, sweetie, do you remember what happened?” Tammy crooned in her smooth, maternal, honey sweet voice. Lou rolled her head in Tammy’s direction and groaned.
“I fucked up, didn’t I? How did you know?”
“Apparently I’m your only friend.” Tammy’s eyes were smiling and her tone gentle. "Come on, we’d better get you home. I think Reggie over there is losing his patience." Tammy helped Lou to her feet, and the world started spinning around Lou, who stumbled back against the wall. “Whoa…you ok there cowboy?”
Lou let her breath out slowly, nauseous.
“I’m good, I’m good.” Lou despised showing weakness, so the fact that she was even in this situation was pretty much her worst nightmare. After a few steps it was clear Lou was definitely limping, not just drunkenly hobbling. Tammy shot her a mom look.
“You are not good. Here. Lean on me. I know you’re towering over me in those stilts but I’m what you’ve got to work with.” She pulled Lou’s arm around her, literally shouldering her weight. Lou couldn’t put up too much of a fight in her present condition. Tammy was double parked right in front, so fortunately the extraction wasn’t a problem. Lou even remembered her own address and they only had to pull over for Lou to puke once, which Tammy considered a success.
Tammy parked and pulled Lou’s boots off gingerly. Her foot was bruised and swollen and Tammy didn’t want to risk making it worse if Lou slipped on the stairs.
Slowly but surely, Tammy got Lou into the apartment, which was a tiny studio on the third floor. Most of Lou’s possessions were in still-packed boxes, some of which were clearly being used as tables. The places to sit were the bed and the toilet. Her clothes were all in laundry bags or baskets, and Tammy was entirely unclear as to whether any of them were actually clean. Empty liquor bottles and take out containers were strewn across the floor, including a bottle that had been smashed against one of the thin walls. Half of the bottle was still embedded, having broken through the drywall.
Lou wobbled and Tammy steadied her just in time for Lou to vomit on both of them. Tammy closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Lou would’ve been humiliated if she wasn’t physically so miserable. All she managed was a growl and a muffled whimper.
“I know, honey. It’ll be ok. Come on, let’s get you to the bathroom.” Tammy helped Lou undress and get into the shower, which Lou evidently found amusing. She smiled cheekily but her brain was too fuzzy to come up with a witty remark. Also, Tammy was washing Lou’s hair and it was the only thing that had felt good to Lou in a long, long time. She basked in the comfort of being taken care of and started to doze off. “Lou, where are your towels?”
“Mmmph. Bed…also…oven.” Tammy leaned Lou against the wall, making sure she was reasonably stable.
“Okay, Lou? Lou! Stay awake for a second.” Lou nodded and opened her eyes as wide as she could.
“I’m good.” Tammy laughed softly and retrieved the bed towel, dried her off and wrapped her in the towel. Tammy helped her over to the bed, where Lou pulled on green plaid boxers and a black wifebeater which were strewn across the floor where she’d left them. She then flopped onto the nest of random shit on her bed and rolled onto the other side. She was snoring within seconds.
Tammy sighed and cleaned up the vomit as well as the broken glass. And took her own damn shower, discovering that in addition to a towel, the oven and broiler housed boxers, t shirts, and a single pair of jeans. Now clad entirely in Lou’s clothes, Tammy went down to the basement to put the vomit covered items in the laundry and set about throwing out garbage and of course she sorted the recyclables, as well. She periodically checked to make sure Lou wasn’t aspirating on vomit.
***
It was nearly one in the afternoon when Lou woke to the smell of coffee and the sound of eggs frying in the kitchen. This was weird for many reasons, not least of which being that Lou didn’t own any kitchenware. She rubbed her bleary eyes, but doing so made her hands and face hurt like hell.
“What the fuck happened last night?” she asked herself aloud, as she had done entirely to frequently of late. Tammy turned around from where she stood at the stove, in Lou’s direct line of vision.
“This morning, and I rescued your dumb ass.” After the words left her mouth she realized she wasn’t sure if their sarcastic banter had survived whatever happened when Lou stopped taking her calls. Lou, however, had no recollection that Tammy was even there and jumped, nearly falling out of bed. “Whoa, Lou, be careful! You’ve already got enough injuries for one day.”
“What do you…” She didn’t complete her thought as she looked down at her neatly bandaged ankle. “Bollocks.”
“Yeah. You really did a number on yourself. And also I’m sure on whoever you were fighting with, if that’s any consolation.”
Lou groaned. She’d been blacking out more often, but she hadn’t forgotten a bar brawl before. Or, at least not one where she’d been injured.
It was only as Tammy approached the bed with eggs, toast and coffee that Lou realized that Tammy had a baby bump. It was fairly small still, but definitely there.
“Oh my God…Tam…what the hell were you thinking saving my ass?” Tammy scowled.
“Uh, you’re welcome.”
“No, seriously. I mean, look at you! God, fuck, I’m such an asshole. Dragging a pregnant lady out of Jersey at fucking last call. Fuck. I am so sorry…”
“Lou. It’s fine. That’s just what friends do. And also, I’m glad someone called me! You could’ve been dead by now.” Lou scoffed.
“Probably ‘bout damn time anyway,” she muttered, but not softly enough.
“Excuse me?!” Tammy had heard Lou play at being defeatist in the past- that Australian self-deprecation thing- but this was more than that. Lou widened her eyes.
“Shit. I didn’t mean to say that. I really appreciate that you did this…I just…you should go home. You should be resting and…shouldn’t you be doing…mom things with your son? What If you’d gotten hurt?”
“I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself. And you. And Derek is fine, my sister is watching him.” Lou raised her hands in surrender.
“Point taken.” Lou took the food and coffee somewhat cowed but grateful.
Tammy looked around the room, catching a glimpse of a couple of framed photos resting on the windowsill. The first was old, it looked to be from…the ‘70s, maybe. It was a tall, gangly blonde girl, about 10 years old. She was dressed as Clara in The Nutcracker, with full costume and makeup. She was posed, the shot looked relatively professional. Tammy looked over at Lou, then back at the photo.
“Wait a minute.” Lou looked up, mouth full.
“Hmm?”
“Is…that you? Were you a ballerina?” Lou scowled.
“You weren’t supposed to see that.”
“What? Why not? You were so cute!”
“And that is why not.” Tammy rolled her eyes.
“Okay, well if nobody is supposed to see it, why is it there?”
“Because nobody was supposed to come here except me,” she huffed, more miserable than angry.
“You mean like…until you unpack or…were you going to move again…?” Tammy’s eyes locked with Lou’s and for a long moment the weight of Lou’s wordless answer knocked the air out of both of them.
Tammy set the photo back down and climbed onto the other side of Lou’s bed. She fluffed the pillow under Lou’s foot before lying on her side, propped up on her elbow. She looked deep into Lou’s eyes. Lou tried to break eye contact, but Tammy turned her face back.
“Hey. What is going on with you? What is this about? Is it Debbie?” She shuddered to think that Lou might’ve been behaving this way since the arrest which was over a year ago…or worse, since the “rough patch” started.
Lou shook her head.
“No. It’s not about Debs.” It wasn’t a complete lie, and Tammy could sense that.
“Then what? What happened?” Lou chuckled.
“What didn’t happen?” She sighs. “You know, Tammy, I haven’t seen you in…what, five, six years? A lot can change in that time.”
“Well…sure…but you never said anything when we talked. I told you things, about my husband…my kid. You just kept saying ‘same old shit.’” Lou rolled her eyes at Tammy’s terrible impression.
“First of all, I don’t sound like that. And I don’t know…I just…I needed space.”
“You mean you wanted to hide something from Deb.”
“Not hide, and not something. I just wanted to be…rid of her.”
“Uh huh, sure. That’s why you kept calling me to freak out about Claude.”
“I was freaking out because she was being stupid.”
“My point still stands.” They were stalemated, but Tammy wasn’t going to let the Debbie tangent distract her. Even if she was the one who brought it up. “Anyway, what was the stuff you didn’t want her to know?”
Lou could very easily tell Tammy to fuck off, and she very nearly does. But…then she realizes…she’s got nothing else going for her. Hell, she’d half planned to actually off herself last night.
“Okay, fine. I’ll tell you. But only because you’ve saved my ass this time.”
“There’d better not fucking be a next time when I don't.” Lou ignores this.
“If you must know…I moved on. From Debbie. She found that douchenozzle and I…moved on.”
“I take it…that didn’t go well?”
“It went like all things. It was great until it was shit.” Lou shrugged.
“That…okay, but...you weren’t like this after you and Deb split up, were you?”
“Well, we were never married, were we?” Lou rasped. Tammy heard the thunk of a glass bottle against the night stand. She turned to find Lou wiping whiskey from her mouth. Upon closer inspection, the nightstand-box was just a case of Jack that had a silk scarf thrown haphazardly over top. Tammy’s heart broke a little more for Lou, somehow. This was just really fucking sad.
“I don’t…married? That’s…not legal is it?”
“Not here it’s not.”
“Where…were you?”
“It doesn’t fucking matter.”
“Okay…” Tammy said, choosing her words thoughtfully, “then what is important?” Lou glared. Tammy threw her hands up, exasperated, “I don’t know, Lou. What do you want? I’m just trying to help. It seemed like maybe you needed someone to talk to, but I can shut up.”
Lou inhaled deeply, slowly. She let her breath out in the same measured, deliberate way.
“I’m not good at this type of thing,” Lou growled softly, with a slight edge, as if warning Tammy to desist. Be that as it may, Lou’s eyes still betrayed her desperation.
“It’s okay. You don’t have to be good at it.” Lou picked up her beat up Zippo from amongst the sheets and absently spun, opened, and lit it in one smooth motion. Then just as effortlessly she snapped it shut. This was a nervous tic she’d had as long as she could remember.
Lou didn’t speak for such a long time that Tammy assumed she’d had her fill of talking. As Tammy took the plate over to the sink, Lou’s velvety voice filled the entire space.
“It was after Claude. After…she cheated on me, or didn’t cheat, or whatever Deborah’s preferred version of events is. Right about…well, really, she told me to fuck off after she’d been with him only a few days. I left, I couldn’t stand to be anywhere she’d show up to.”
This was not how Debbie had reported these events, but Tammy let that go. She crossed back towards the bed and sat at the foot, facing Lou.
“You might as well settle in, this is a long one.” Lou propped a pillow up against the headboard and helped Tammy find a comfortable position for her aching back. “Are you sure this is okay? Don’t you need to sleep or eat or something?”
“Lou.”
“Fine, right. So anyway I fucked off like she told me to…”
“Why did you two split up? She never told me.” Lou rolled her eyes, giving Tammy an almost playful look, a hint of the spark she got in her eyes when she smiled.
“Why does Debs ever do anything? She got bored. Oh, and apparently we were never really together anyway.” There was a hint of venom in her voice as she spoke the last sentence, and Tammy suspected it was more than justified. Debbie’s her best friend, but that’s also how Tammy knows that she doesn’t fight fair.
“Ouch. I’m sorry I asked.” Lou waves it off.
“In any event, I loaded up my bike in the truck and pretty much torched the rest of my shit and just drove round the country for a bit. Cut off my hair, biked country roads, that kind of shit. Ended up round Providence after a few months. I was fucking broker than broke and tired as fuck so got a job managing books at a club, living out of my truck. Which, by the way, I’m too goddamn old for anymore, I don’t recommend it.”
Tammy chuckled.
“So is that where you met…your…person?” Lou smiled at Tammy’s attempt to be politically correct.
“Yes. My eventual ex-wife. Good riddance.” The thought of her made Lou’s skin crawl. She took a long drink.
“She was very young. Maybe that was the first red flag, I don’t know...”