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Bram doesn’t know how he got to the hospital. He knows he drove there, he remembers getting in the car and thinking Simon’s name over and over again, Simon Simon Simon, but beyond that it’s a blur. He figures out which floor he’s on and runs in the general direction that the front desk woman had pointed. He smashes the button for the elevator before swiftly abandoning it in favor of the stairs, which he takes at a sprint and two at a time. He has a strange moment of being grateful for the opportunity to run so that his heart has some other reason to beat so wildly besides the suffocating fear he has been feeling.
He pushes open the door on the sixth floor and slows his pace so that he can focus on finding the signs for the waiting room. Bram places his hands on his hips and ducks his head, trying to catch his breath, that’s when he literally walks into Jack Spier.
“Bram,” he says, pulling out his earbuds. His eyes are red like he’s been crying. The sight sends a fresh wave of panic and fear through him, mostly due to the fact that it seems utterly incongruous with the Jack Spier that Bram knows. Although he’s heard that he’s a crier Bram has never actually witnessed it himself, only knowing the man to be jovial and incapable of experiencing a serious moment.
“Mr. Spier... Simon. Where’s Simon? Is he okay? What happened?” Even to his own ears he sounds frantic.
“Bram,” Mr. Spier says again, “walk with me, will you?” Bram wants to scream at him, tell him no, and demand answers, but he reminds himself that this is Simon’s dad and that Jack is probably almost as scared as he is. Maybe even more. Maybe. So Bram just nods his head and they start walking through the hall back towards the stairs.
“Thanks. I needed a break from all of Emily and Nora’s constant nervous chatter.”
“Yeah, yeah, sure,” Bram replies.
Jack sighs and seems to realize that it’s not very nice to leave Bram wondering about the condition of his boyfriend. “He’s going to be fine. They were just taking him back for surgery when Nora called you.”
“Surgery?” Bram squeaks, throat feeling tight.
“Yeah. He rolled his car a couple of times. He had the window down and his left arm hanging out. The doctors say his left arm is crushed. That’s the word they used. Crushed,” Mr. Spier says, his voice cracking on the last word. “So, it sounds like after surgery he’s pretty much going to have a bionic arm. Which, I guess is pretty badass. I guess.”
“Oh, my god,” Bram breaths out, guilt bearing down on him. Simon had left his house late, around midnight. Bram had asked him if he was sure he was ok to drive home, that he’s sure he’s not too tired. Simon had laughed at him and told him he worries too much. Bram made him drive with the window down just to be sure he stayed awake. Simon just laughed and said “Whatever makes you happy.”
Bram’s full on crying now, tears rolling down his cheeks, some of them slide down his neck and pool into the dip in his collarbone. He refuses to wipe them away, doing so would almost feel disrespectful to the boy currently having his arm operated on. Then Jack says “We almost didn’t call you, you know. We were going to wait till morning, when he was out of surgery and we had more information about everything. We just wanted you to sleep, to not worry.”
“That’s... um...that’s...” Bram stammers trying not to allow the word unacceptable to slip out.
“I know, I know. But we got here right as they were wheeling him back and all he said when he saw us is ‘when’s Bram gonna get here? I need him,’” Bram lets out a small sob at this information. “So, of course we had to call you after that. Plus, Nora was more than a little peeved we weren’t going to call you.”
“I’m glad you called,” Bram sighs before saying, “I... Mr. Spier, with all due respect, you guys can’t leave me in the dark about this stuff. I’ve... I have to know when it comes to Simon. I have to know if he’s not safe. I have to.”
Jack nods his head, seeming a little dazed, or maybe it’s overwhelmed, then he leads them outside to walk the perimeter of the hospital. It’s a warm summers night, a slight breeze in the air, and the always too loud sound of cicadas chirping, but it helps make the silence between the two less awkward than it might otherwise have been.
Jack takes an audible deep breath and then says “You know we never thought we’d have Simon,” Bram feels his brows pull together. “We always thought that Alice would be an only child. Before we had Simon we had always wanted one child.”
“Really?” Bram asks incredulously because he has never felt more taken aback than he does in this moment. He can’t imagine Jack and Emily with an only child or Alice without her siblings. Bram, himself, without his Simon. What a bleak alternate reality.
“Yeah, and honestly we found out about Simon at the worst possible time too. On the day we found out she was pregnant, I lost my job,” Jack looks down at his feet as he carts his hand through his hair, he looks sheepish, almost embarrassed, but Bram doesn’t really know what to say so he doesn’t say anything. “Anyway, Emily’s dad died a week before Simon was born, she actually went into labor a few hours after his funeral. Thats why Simon’s middle name is Irvin after Em’s dad.”
“Wow. Thats awful Mr. Spier, I had no idea.”
“It wasn’t all bad, we got Simon out of it...”
“Yeah. What an outcome,” He wants to say more. He wants to say that he got the greatest boy in all the world out of it. The greatest person really. But Bram suspects that he’d be preaching to the choir.
“What an outcome, indeed. And Simon was such a good baby, he hardly ever cried and I swear he laughed early. He made us realize that our family wasn’t complete yet.”
Bram’s heart constricts hearing this and all he wants to do is see Simon and hear that laugh.
“He was a terrible sleeper though. He didn’t even cry that much, he’d just be up in the middle of the night and it was like he just wanted company, cooing and babbling like crazy at 3 AM.”
Bram smiles at that. “Sounds like Simon.”
“Right? It was usually just him and I when that would happen. I would sometimes try to sing him to sleep.”
“I have a hard time picturing you singing to a baby.”
“Oh, Bram, I have a top notch voice, let me tell you, infant Simon fell asleep fast to my dulcet tones!” Jack joking again under the circumstances feels a bit like an accomplishment to Bram.
“What would you sing to him?” Bram asks to keep the conversation going.
Jack barks out a laugh and the sound is so unexpected it makes Bram jump. “Honestly?” Mr. Spier asks and Bram nods. “At three in the morning I had a tough time coming up with something to sing, but the year he was born they played Yellow by Coldplay every 5 minutes on the radio. So I would usually sing that. Plus the lyrics were simple enough that I had the stupid song down by the third night.”
“Yellow. Huh. Interesting choice.”
“That actually was what I was listening to when we ran into each other. It makes me feel more connected to him.”
“I’ll have to give it another listen once things settle down with Simon again.”
“You should, it’s actually not that bad. I think most people assume its about a romantic relationship, but I don’t know ever since I started singing it to Simon. I can’t think of it as anything other than a song for a parent and a child. It’s our song. It’s how I feel about him. It’s how I feel about him right now. Always. For him I’d bleed myself dry.”
Bram lets out a long breath and says, “I know what you mean.”
***
“BRAM,” He thinks he hears someone shout. Or maybe they’re not, he’s pretty sure he’s sleeping, its probably a dream.
“ABE,” That’s not right.
“BRAMBERLY,” That’s definitely not right.
“ABRAHAM,” Wait Simon? He shoots up out of the chair as everything from the night before starts to come back to him.
“Simon!” Bram says looking Simon over. He has cuts and bruises on his face and his arm is in a cast and he has an IV in his arm, but he is also sporting something of an obnoxious smirk.
“God, finally! Here I am lying on my deathbed and all the love of my life can do is sleep.”
“You’re hardly on your deathbed,” A nurse, who Bram is just noticing, says as he finishes washing his hands by the sink.
“Sssssssshhhhhh, he doesn’t know that, nurse Jordan,” Simon says placing a finger from his uninjured arm to his lips. The corner of the nurse’s lips tipping upwards.
Bram gives the nurse a quizzical look and he just says, “He’s on some pretty heavy pain killers,” Bram only nods and looks back to Simon.
“So how are you, Simon? How do you feel? Are you in pain?” Bram asks gingerly.
“I’m great, Bram! Honestly, never been better. But who cares about that! You haven’t even given me a kiss yet.”
“I thought you just said you were on your deathbed?” Bram says with a smile.
“Shut up, you brat, and kiss me already.”
Bram shoots a questioning look to the nurse who’s fiddling with Simon’s IV, he nods his head. “Just be careful of his arms, right has an IV and the left for obvious reasons. But, he’s high as a kite, if you somehow did end up hurting him he shouldn’t feel it anyway.”
Bram leans over Simon and places a chaste kiss on his lips. “Ugh really thats it? I could have DIED, Bram,” Simon pouts, Bram’s heart trips at the word died.
“Yes. Exactly, you could have died, so you need your rest,” Bram says quietly.
“BOO. You’re no fun.” Bram just shrugs. The nurse leaves but not before he reminds them to use the call button if they need anything, or if Simon gets uncomfortable at all.
“So, where’s the rest of the family?” Bram asks seeing no sign of any of the Spiers as he sits back down and takes Simon’s hand brushing small circles into the back of his hand with his thumb.
“They all left to go get Alice from the airport. I think her plane gets in like now.”
“Alice is coming? I didn’t know that.”
“Of course she is. This is the Spier’s we’re talking about. They make a big deal out of everything.” Simon says.
Bram makes a disbelieving noise in the back of his throat and levels a look at the boy in the hospital bed. “Well, to be fair this actually is a big deal. I’m surprised no one wanted to stay behind with you, though.”
“Wellllll, its kind of fuzzy but I vaguely remembering threatening all of them that if anyone else was here besides you the next time I woke up I’d beat them all to death with my robot arm.”
Bram tries and fails to hold in a laugh before rearranging his features to say in a chastising tone, “Simon.” He catches a subtle eye roll. “They love you. They were all so worried about you, you should have seen your dad. We were all so worried about you.”
“I know,” Simon says looking down, “I’m sorry.”
“No, I’m sorry. You’re basically here because of me.” Simon’s eyes snap back up and Bram hastily looks away. “I should have made you stay. I made you roll your window down, god, I’m such a fucking idiot.”
“Bram look at me.” Bram doesn’t make a move “Look at me Bram. I mean it.” Bram slides his eyes back the other boys. “None of this is your fault. Do you hear me. It’s my fault, I was checking snapchat. It was stupid. I’m here because of me not you, do you hear me?” Bram nods his head, “I’m going to need a verbal confirmation on this,” he says sounding bizarrely sober for someone who’s apparently “high as a kite.”
“Yes, I hear you,” he says meeting his gaze. He wants to argue the point further and also lecture him about using his phone while driving but figures he’s been through enough at this point. Plus, his eyes are starting to look a bit droopy. “So do you know anything about what they did in surgery?” Bram asks because he honestly is a little curious.
“Yeah the doctor says I have like a couple of rods and multiple screws in my arm. Which, I feel like I’ll be able come up with some pretty good jokes for when I’m not totally tripping on pain killers,” Simon says and Bram laughs.
“Only you, Simon,” He says with a sigh. “I don’t want to ever be here again once you go home. At least not for a very very very long time. No more Snapchat. No more phones while driving. No more driving at night.” Simon scoffs at this last part, but the scoff quickly turns into a yawn.
“Jesus, Bram I agree with most of that, but I’m going to drive at night. I’m not 80.” He says sleepily.
Bram reaches a hand up to smooth Simon’s hair down. “It doesn’t matter. We can talk about it later. Rest now.”
“I will, if you will,” Simon says as his eyes slide close.