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“What?” Rey said aloud. She was alone in her quarters sitting criss-cross on her cot. It was late, but she knew General Organa would still be awake. Rising from her bed, she picked up the Jedi text that she was reading and cradling it against her chest. She opened her door and walked barefoot out of her room and down the hall. When she reached Leia’s door she stopped, took a deep breath and knocked.
“Come in,” Leia called. Rey opened the door slightly and peeked in. “Rey, dear, come on in.” Leia motioned to a chair at a small table in her room. Rey took a seat and sat the Jedi text down on the table.
“I read something that confused me in the text. I was hoping you could help me.” Rey stated.
Leia pursed her lips together. “I will take a look, but I really don’t know if I will be much help.”
Rey scoots the book towards her. Leia looks at the text and at the translation Rey had written down. “Yes, dear. I am familiar with this piece of information. What is your question?”
Not looking at Leia, she says, “It’s the part about compassion. Why is it there? What does it mean?”
Rey had told Leia about the bond with Ben and about their encounter in the throne room. Leia had a feeling that she knew where this conversation would be heading. “It’s about not forming attachments. Jedi’s are not supposed to fall in love, marry or have children.”
“What? But why?” Rey asked confused.
Leia answered, “It could lead to jealousy or fear of loss. Anakin Skywalker secretly married Padme Amidala, she was our birth mother—Luke and I. Anakin was a Jedi, a very powerful Jedi. He was seduced to the dark side and became Darth Vader.”
“I’m familiar with Darth Vader’s power,” Rey replied looking down at the book.
“Luke said that Vader had no idea that Luke and I existed. Palpatine told him that we--Padme, Luke and I had died. Palpatine led Vader to believe that he had killed his wife out of rage. He always hated himself for it, a tortured soul, Luke said that Vader’s strength came from feeding on his anger and self-loathing.” At that comment, Rey looked up and met Leia’s eyes.
“That’s a lot to take in,” Rey replied softly.
Leia let a moment pass before she spoke again. “How long has it been?”
“What?” Rey asked but she knew what Leia was asking.
“Since you talked to Ben?”
Swallowing hard, suppressing tears. “I have blocked him out since I left him on Crait. He tries, but I will not let him in.” She looks at Leia and then back down at the text. “Sometimes he is angry and something he begs. It’s very hard for me. Especially at night, when I get lonely and he gets lonely.” She looks at Leia, “He’s just so—lost, I guess that’s the word.”
“Now, you are lost.” Leia says. “Hmm?”
“Yes, it appears so.”
“Tell me,” Leia says softly.
Rey has lost the fight she was having with herself. The tears are falling freely now. “I want him here. I have been waiting for him to find himself and come back to—us. I told him I would not follow him down that path.”
“Does he know? That you are waiting on him?” Leia asked.
“I don’t know.”
“It could make a difference if he knew.”
“What about this mess?” Rey said with a glance down at the Jedi text.
“What do you mean?” Leia asked, but she already knew—directing the whole conversation this way.
“I can’t be with him, we can’t be together—not the way I wanted or hoped. All I have ever wanted was a family of my own. Someone to love me and never leave me.” Rey looked away. “I left him to save the Resistance and to be a Jedi. I honestly don’t know what I am doing now.” She buried her face in her hands. “I have to pick between being a Jedi and Ben. But, he’s not here.”
“If he were here, if he were—what would you pick?”
“Ben, no question,” Rey said as she cried harder. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.”
“What if he picked to be a Jedi? What would I do then? Be a Jedi?” Then Rey’s face changed, she said, “He thinks I want him here to be a Jedi with me! I believed he could save the Resistance by being a Jedi. We could do it together, side by side.” She shook her head, “That’s not what I want! I don’t know what I want.”
“Ben asked you to rule the galaxy at his side. What did he mean?” Leia probed.
“I thought I knew at the time. He said something about letting everything die. The Empire, the Jedi, the Sith, the Resistance, everything.” Looking at Leia, Rey asked, “What if he is right?”
“I think you need to talk to him. Honestly, I think you both have a lot to talk about.” Leia added, “Do you love him?” Rey shrugged. “You need to know the answer to that. Does he love you?” She shrugged again. “Let me answer that for you, he does.”
“How do you know?”
“He killed Snoke for you. He couldn’t do it for anyone else, not even himself.” Leia added as she stood, “I know you have a lot to think about, but if he is brave enough to ask you if you love him, you need to be ready to answer it.”
Rey stood and gathered her text in her arms. “Thank you for your time and insight, I appreciate your understanding and kindness.”
“See me before you open the Bond, we will chat beforehand.”
“Yes, General.”
“I think it’s time you called me Leia, dear.”
***
Rey prepared herself for bed. She was unsure if she could connect with Ben tonight. She was torn between trying to connect the Bond and just going on to bed. Finally, she settles on the floor with her Jedi text and holopad.
Ben. Ben, I need you…
Rey.
Please help me open the bond.
There he stood with a concerned look on his face. He walked to her and squatted down close to her. “What’s wrong? Are you hurt? Injured?”
“No. I just need to talk to you about a few things.”
“Talk? You said ‘I need you’ not ‘I need to talk to you’.” He huffed, standing and walking away from her.
“I’m sorry. I should not have blocked you out for as long as I have.” She paused, he didn’t respond. She continued, “I know that you have been angry with me. You have every right. Let me have it, whatever you need to say.”
He turned and looked at her. He put his hands on his hips, huffled loudly and said, “I can’t. It’s different when you are here. I’m not angry at you right now.”
“As I said, I have a few things I would like to discuss with you.” She pauses to pick up her holopad to read her notes.
“What’s that?”
Looking down at the holopad in her hand. “A list of ‘Talking Points’ I jotted down to help keep me on track,” she replied. She patted her hand on the floor next to her and said, “If now is a good time for you, I would like you to join me.”
He huffed again and rolled his eyes. “This is a meeting. You have an agenda.” He sat down on the floor across from her not where she had patted the floor next to her. “Shall I call General Hux to take minutes?”
She rolled her eyes at his comment. She answered dryly, “No.” She crawled across the floor to sit next to him much to his surprise. “Fine, we can call it an agenda if you like,” she said as she settled down next to him and criss-crossed her legs again. “Can you see the screen?” She sat the holopad on the floor between them.
“Yes, so we have 1-Ben’s 1st offer, 2-Let the past die, 3-Ben’s 2nd offer, and 4-Compassion and Celibacy. Celibacy?”
“That was a new word for me. Your mother taught it to me.”
“I see,” he said with a deep sigh. “I can tell from the agenda that you have been spending a lot of time with my mother,” he stated dryly.
“Yes, she braided my hair today,” she said with a smile and turned her face away from him, so he can see her hair.
“It’s—,” he began with his mind racing trying to decide what adjective he need to use to describe her finally decided to go with beautiful. “It’s beautiful, really beautiful.” He blushed softly.
She turned back to look into his eyes, smiling softly at him. She whispered, “Thank you.” She blushed, looking away briefly. Looking back at him again, he met her eyes, trying to keep her smile contained she jokingly said, “I’m ready to call this meeting to order if you are?”
“Fine,” he rolled his eyes and smirked, “I have a bad feeling about this.”
“I hope not,” she said flashing him a smile.
“We’ll see,” he said glaring at her as he tried to read her thoughts.
“Stop that!” she slapped at him playfully as he dodged out of her reach.
“I’m just trying to move this meeting along,” he said with an actual chuckle. Rey thought her heart would burst at the sound of it.
Laughing herself, she slaps her hand against the floor a few times and says, “I hereby call this meeting to order. We will begin with roll call, Ben?”
“Present!” He comments raising his hand enthusiastically.
Rey giggles and continues, “The first item on the agenda is Ben’s first offer.” Turning to Ben with a more serious expression she begins, “I may have not taken your offer to be my teacher very seriously when you offered it the first time. I ran across some concerns in the Jedi text the other day. I went to Leia for help. She explained what her understanding of the item was, but it only led me to other questions and concerns. What I am trying to ask is, would you consider helping me learn more about the Force and teach me more about how the Force works? I’m lost right now and I am unsure about even moving forward with my training.”
He was breathing hard and his mind raced. “You will open the bond?” he asked.
“Yes, of course,” she said trying hard to maintain eye contact with him, but still nervously glancing away now and then.
“Yes, I will help you as much as you will allow me.”
Feeling her eyes glaze over and tears begin to fill her eyes, she nodded, “Great, thank you. Look, the first item is done.”
“You’re crying. Why?” He asked concerned.
“I’m happy, they are happy tears,” she said with a slight smile.
“I don’t like it when you cry. I would rather you smile if you are pleased.”
She smiled at him, “I am—pleased. I really appreciate your willingness to help me. It means a lot to me.” She began to smile wider.
“That’s much better,” he commented. “What’s next?”
“Item 2—Let the past die.”
“Yes, my favorite. You have the floor,” he offered.
“In the throne room, you said something about letting old things die, the Empire, the Jedi, the Sith and the Resistance.” She stopped and took a breath in. Drumming up courage, she continued, “I was really scared at the time. The Resistance was dying, my friends were dying. I couldn’t truly comprehend what you were trying to say to me. I didn’t get it—but I think I may now.”
Ben’s heart was beating out of his chest. He was now hanging on every word she said. “Tell me, what changed your mind? What made you see things differently?”
“The text.” She stopped and reached across the floor and dragging the ancient book closer to her. Settling back down next to him, without looking at him she continued, “I don’t agree with some of the things I have read.”
A smile slowly crept across his face, he studied her motions and face even though she refused to meet his eyes. Finally, he comments, “Interesting, you may continue, you have my undivided attention.”
“Honestly, unless you want to elaborate on that, I have no further comment. I just wanted to let you know that—that I see your point more clearly now.”
Thinking for a moment, he says with a smile, “I don’t really have anything I want to add right now. I will collect my thoughts and share them with you at our next meeting.” Ben shifts and begins to stand asking, “Can we take a brief break? I would like to change clothes—for bed.”
“Oh—,” Rey turned pink and said, “OK, do you want to continue this tomorrow?”
“No, it’s fine,” he said disappearing into what she thinks is a closet. “Just give me a second. I just want to be more comfortable on the floor.”
“Would you rather move to chairs?” Rey asked.
“Yes, please” he called from someplace else.
Rey got up and picked up the holopad and the text plopping them both on her bed and sitting down. She began to chant to herself over and over, please don’t be shirtless, please don’t be shirtless. Damn!
He emerged shirtless in loose, black sleep pants. Rey’s breath caught in her throat. He smirked, softly as she looked away, “Is this going to be a problem for you?”
Blushing, she shook her head no and then looked at him, “Was that your intent?”
“Maybe,” he said. “Was it your intent? With the short shorts, the braids, and the exposed neck.”
Blushing, she replies, “No, I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean anything--am I disturbing you?”
Now he was blushing. “No, I—I, item 3, was it? We are now on 3. What was it again?” He grabbed a chair from his room and pulled it closer to where she sat on her cot.
Clearing her throat, she said, “Item 3, Ben’s 2nd offer.” She then stopped at a loss for words and nerve. She shifted nervously on her cot.
“It still stands, you know?” He looks at her out of the corner of his eye.
“I-I-I didn’t want to leave. I was panicked. The Resistance was dying. They needed my help.” She was shedding tears again. “May I share a memory with you?”
“Yes, of course,” he said. Looking deep into her eyes, he continued, “I will always welcome any part of you that you are willing to share with me.” He blushed again.
She reached over and offered her hand to him. He took it and intertwined their fingers togethers. The feeling was overwhelming, causing them both to gasp. Ben could feel his body begin to overheat. Rey’s breathing increased rapidly. Both hearts racing intensely.
Swallowing hard, Rey closed her eyes and pushed her memory forward. When she came to after her lightsaber broke, she went to him. She checked him, he was alive. She stood up and searched for his lightsaber. She found it. She clipped it to her belt and went back to him. She kneeled over him. She touched his face softly. She could feel people coming. She had to leave. She could not leave him defenseless after what he had done--killing Snoke. She unclipped the saber from her side and clipped it on his belt. Bending slowly to his face she paused just inches from his lips, then she kissed him gently. Finally, she whispered in his ear, “I’m waiting for you. Don’t be long.”
Ben’s mind was racing and his breathing was becoming labored. "YOU STOLE A KISS!!!” He panted, “And not just ANY kiss my first kiss—ever! And not even just that but OUR first kiss! Was it your first kiss?”
“On the mouth, yes. Actual kiss, yes,” she said slowly. “Ben, I’m sorry.”
“You-you owe me that back! Give it back!”
“How am I supposed to do that?”
“I DON’T KNOW! But you owe me!!!” He furrowed his brow at her, “Give me your memory!”
“What?”
“I want the whole thing! All of it! What you were thinking and feeling. How it felt to kiss me.”
“That’s private.”
“REY! Agenda item number 4-celibacy! That’s me! I was raised to be a Jedi! From birth!!! I never ever strayed from that! Then you come along and took it all away!”
“Ben, it was one little innocent kiss.”
“That you stole!!! If it were really so ‘innocent’ why did you wait until I was knocked out?”
“OH! FOR STARS SAKE BEN!” She got up and moved over to him, climbed into his lap straddling his legs, and wrapped her arms around his neck. He moved his arms quickly around her and pulled her body against his chest. She locked eyes with him, his big brown, beautiful eyes and let herself be pulled into his passionate kiss. Rey immediately needing more parted her lips as their kisses became more passionate.
He pushed against her mind and she opened sharing her memory. He could feel her desire to kiss him, the way she couldn’t tear her eyes off his lips, the way her heart pounded in her chest as she slowly bent down to make contact and the way his lips felt against hers—they were soft and full, and she wanted more than just to brush against them before she had to flee.
When Ben could no longer continue his feverish pace without stopping for breath, he pulled back and looked into Rey’s eyes. She looked at him and she gasped. She exclaimed, “You lied to me! You lied to get me to kiss you!”
He chuckled a little and said, “No, I didn’t lie. I don’t even think it would be possible for us to lie to each other. Everything I said was true. However, I made you believe I was angry when I wasn’t.”
“So, you tricked me?” Rey asked with her eyebrow raised.
“Yes, I can’t believe it worked!” She gave him a small pouty look. “Please don’t be upset with me,” he begged. “I can’t help the way I feel about you,” he whispered softly as he ran his fingers across her braided hair.
She pursed her lips together in deep thought. She leans in and kisses him briefly. She leaned back out and says, “I’m thinking about forgiving you.” She kisses him again. Leaning back out and says, “Maybe you could persuade me to forgive you?” Grinning he pulls her toward him, beginning by kisses her on the mouth, then plants a trail of kisses from her cheek, to her ear and down her neck to her collar bone. His gentle, passionate kisses cause Rey to moan several times until she finally says, “Oh…Ben…. I forgive you.”
“I make a motion to adjourn this meeting,” Ben says breathless. Hearing her moan his name was more than he could take.
“Wait! I have one more item to discuss.”
“Sweetheart, I’m begging you.”
“Please, Ben, just one more item. I promise it will be worth it.”
“Fine!” he huffs.
“Thank you,” she replies giving his cheek a light peck. “Item 4—compassion and celibacy. The Jedi text says that—”
Catching her eyes, he says, “I know what it says.”
“Well—I didn’t,” she said, letting out a deep sigh. “I thought I wanted to be a Jedi and I wanted you to come to the Resistance and be a Jedi—with me. But, I don’t want to be like Luke and I don’t want you too, either.”
“What do you want?” He asked her, holding his breath for the answer.
She could feel her eyes begin to glaze over and her tears well up, she whispered softly, “I want someone who will love me with all his might and never ever leave me.”
Ben locked eyes with her and nodded slowly. He whispered back to her, “I can do that.”
“Good, because I want you, only you,” she told him as her heart pounded so hard she was afraid it would give out. She places her hands on his chest and says, “There’s more, I want more, Ben.”
“Tell me.”
“I want a family, you and me,” she said then paused before continuing, “and children.” She was trembling in his lap, in his arms.
“I want to give you everything you want, I do. But I am afraid—,” Ben began.
Rey cupped his face and kissed him softly. Looking into his eyes she says, “I want these things, all of them but only with you.” She pushed images from her dreams to him—him and her together making love, him holding her in his arms with her belly full and round, and him holding a bundle in his arms beaming down so proudly. She asked him in a soft whisper, “When the time comes, will you give into me?”
“Yes,” he replied hoarsely and crushed her against him and kissed her with unquenchable hunger. Ben finally breaks his kiss and says, “I would like to make a motion to bring this meeting to a close.”
“I second that motion,” she says before she again captures his mouth with hers.
Abruptly pushing her off his lap so he can stand, he says, “Meeting adjourned. This has been the greatest meeting ever. When is the next one?” He said grinning.
Shocked at his reaction, she says, “What? Are—are we are done? I thought—I was hoping we could—kiss more.”
“Done? Oh, hell no—we aren’t done.” He said with a grin, “We are just beginning.”