Archive of Our Own

His classes hadn't officially ended yet, but he had no need to continue going thanks to his perfect attendance rate and good grades (that saved him from having to take exams). There was no reason to continue going to class, and that way he could take an additional week off from university, which meant more hours of sleep. But he forgot to turn off the hideous alarm that woke him up every day for his classes, and that disturbed his supposedly free Wednesday.

He spent a good hour and a half laying there on his bed, hating his past self and contemplating his options. He could spend another hour trying to fall asleep (because he was already well awake by the time he stopped sulking, and falling asleep once he feels like he can think properly is proven to be a task) or he could get up and do something productive, which, on a normal basis, is playing something on his console or eating whatever is left on the fridge. However, after spending a few more minutes detaching himself from his bedsheets, taking a shower and dressing up, he surprised himself with the sudden impulse of getting out of his apartment.

He didn't have the need of going out to buy breakfast, he knew there was a box of cereal waiting for him in the kitchen and that was one of the thoughts that helped him get up in the first place, but his mind wandered off while he got dressed, and he suddenly realized he was putting on his coat and looking for his wallet. His body seemed to act on its own, but Changkyun didn't question it too much and decided that going out for breakfast was a good way of congratulating himself for acing his classes. He found his wallet after a while and made sure to take his keys with him before getting out of the apartment and walking calmly through the streets.

It was still early in the morning, but the hectic time of students going to class and people getting to their jobs was already over. It was a relaxed morning, Changkyun thought with a slight smile, enjoying the comfortable silence caused by the absence of people running through the streets, only disturbed by the occasional cars that appeared here and there. Changkyun walked for a while, he took his time to relax and welcome his free time, only getting out of his calm state when he got a little hungry, and he started to pout a little when he noticed the absence of places to eat around the area, so he continued to walk, in the search of a nice restaurant or a coffee shop. It wasn't long before he stumbled upon a small and cozy-looking cafe that he remembered seeing a couple of times before, but he never had the chance to try, and this was the perfect opportunity.

He opened the door, soft and happy bells welcoming him into the place before he was greeted by the fantastic smell of freshly baked cookies mixed with a hint of flowers. He was a little surprised by the aroma, but soon enough the place invaded him with a feeling of calmness, so he didn't question the weird but pleasant mix of aromas that welcomed him into the cafe.

He took a few steps inside, letting the door close behind him and hearing the bells once again before he looked for a nice table, which wasn't at all that hard. The place was completely empty because of the early hour and only the furniture was there to welcome him, wooden tables and chairs with pretty flowers arrangements were the most prominent thing about the room, but Changkyun's attention was captured by the coziness of a small section of the cafe that had colored cushions and pillows laying around over a soft looking carpet. Fairy lights were all around the coffee shop, but that place, in particular, seemed to shine brighter than the rest. So he walked there, seating in front of a tiny table and resting his back onto the soft cushions, sighing softly.

It was at that moment that a nice-looking woman came out from what seemed to be the kitchen to greet Changkyun, a big smile on her lips. He felt a little embarrassed and straightened his posture immediately, bowing to the lady with a shy smile, but she just laughed and told him it was okay for him to relax, that was the purpose of that little space after all. They exchanged a few words before Changkyun ordered his breakfast and the lady disappeared through the door she had initially come out from, smile still intact.

While he waited, Changkyun paid more attention to everything inside the café. The white walls were covered by some carved out wood frames that had fairy lights in them, there also were some paintings all around the place, most of them directly over the wall, which made Changkyun smile at the thought of someone dedicating their time to drawing and painting the inside of the café, probably just because they wanted to make the place seem even prettier and homelier.

Fast forward to just moments later, Changkyun was enjoying silently enjoying the music that filled the coffee shop when the lady came out from the kitchen carrying a tray with his breakfast on it, and that made him straighten his posture again. She laughed once more, putting the different cups and plates over the small table in front of the boy before leaving with a kind "enjoy your food". He thanked her with a bow before looking at the food and drinks, and his mouth seemed to water a little.

It was all too cute, to be honest. His breakfast consisted of a cup of orange juice, a mug of coffee, some yogurt and a couple slices of different kinds of bread with honey and other things to spread over them that Changkyun didn't recognize at first. That may not sound cute, but the yogurt had edible flowers on top of it, and that was enough to make him laugh like a dork.

So he almost died when he saw the cute bear drawn in the coffee's foam.

He felt like a kid for being that excited, but he didn't really mind. Instead, Changkyun decided to embrace the feeling and relaxed over the cushions before taking the glass of orange juice (it had some beautiful and intricate patterns he noticed just after a while) and slowly sipping from it.

Changkyun doesn't understand feelings. He's not a robot, he knows he has feelings and emotions and he acknowledges them sometimes, but he can't completely understand them. He never thought that it could be a problem, at least not for his present self, and not because of a drink.

Changkyun doesn't understand how a sip of orange juice can make him feel goosebumps and increase his childlike excitement. He doesn't understand how the cold and fresh drink makes him feel such a deep warmth in his chest. He doesn't understand why, when he takes another confused sip, he feels even more like a kid, like everything is happening all over again. He slowly remembers his childhood, most of his memories are foggy and confusing, but he clearly remembers going to visit his grandparents on the weekends, how excited he was, how he jumped in the back seat of the car and played the games his parents taught him just to keep his giant imagination at ease. And he can also remember his mother nagging her father because he always went to buy oranges at the market just to prepare juice for his favorite grandchild. The old man squeezed oranges by hand and strained the juice meticulously before giving it to Changkyun and taking him out to the garden, to talk about trees and the sky. His grandpa always told him that the juice was only for him and for no one else, because he was the only one that deserved it. Because he was a good kid, and he had to continue being good to always receive the juice his grandparent would make just for him.

Changkyun takes a deep breath, leaving the glass on the table and seating again, instead of being sprawled over the cushions. He feels his chest warm and fuzzy, confusion washing all over him. And he isn’t sure he wants to drink the juice again, because he really doesn’t understand what is going on, but he can’t wait more than a few seconds to drink a sip again.

He closes his eyes and concentrates, and he can almost hear his grandfather telling him that he would grow an orange tree in the backyard. Changkyun remembers that day, his grandpa had already bought a small and cute tree ("It reminded me of you," his grandpa had said, and Changkyun had giggled and hugged the old man, cheeks pink and heart content) and they spent the evening planting it together, laughing and talking about birds and flowers, drinking orange juice. He remembers the happiness, the innocence, the purity of it all.

Those moments were perfect. Even now, looking back at them, he feels the same happiness he felt back when he was a kid. Now, seating in a café, sipping slowly from his orange juice, Changkyun feels overwhelmed by the special memories that come into his mind, and that snatch a tear or two without him noticing. He laughs softly because he can practically hear all over again his mother’s voice telling him to not get his clothes dirty, but he’s too focused on helping his grandfather to plant the tree to realize he’s already covered in dirt.

Changkyun opens his eyes, takes another deep breath, and lets another tear fall slowly down his cheek. He knows the orange tree is still in his grandparents’ house, and the juice his grandpa made after the tree gave its first oranges was and will always be the best juice Changkyun ever had.

He dries his face and takes a few moments to calm down, his heart beating strong and fast in his chest. He finds himself confused, but after a while of thinking and eating, because he was so damn hungry, Changkyun can’t seem to be that worried about what happened.

Of course, it was weird, and of course, that shouldn’t have happened just because he drank some delicious orange juice; but whatever. It was a strange experience, but he doesn’t regret it. He won’t talk about it to anyone, but he doesn’t think anything was a mistake.

Because even if Changkyun doesn’t understand feelings, he knows they’re natural, and they’re not bad. In fact, they’re rather interesting and leave him wanting more, wanting to understand and to experience more than he already felt just by drinking a glass of juice. The food was delicious too, but the bread didn’t have that strange connection with his heart. The coffee was amazing too, but the warmth of it couldn’t compare to what he was already feeling in his chest, right where his heart is.

Changkyun leaves the coffee shop with a shy smile on his face, cheeks slightly flushed thanks to the coffee he drank and the breeze that now hits his face. He thinks about the weird feeling that still washes over him, and also about the glimpse of purple hair he saw at one point, when the nice lady came out from the kitchen to take away the dishes and give Changkyun his receipt. He knows he saw someone and he was curious about them for a while, but he doesn’t think too much about it because he gets distracted by the idea of going to the library to finally get the book he wanted to read for a while but couldn’t because of his classes.

And so, Changkyun gets lost in the library for a few hours, only getting out of there when he feels like eating lunch, so he goes back home to make some ramen and read while listening to music for the rest of the day, sprawled over his couch.

Later that day, when he gets to his room and changes his clothes, he jumps into the bed and distracts himself messaging his friends, often thinking about the coffee shop he doesn’t remember the name of, finally falling asleep with messy covers keeping him warm, but he misses that warmth that had accompanied him during the morning.

Changkyun forgets to close the blinds that night.