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Rafael had missed dinner. Buchanan had kept him cornered at the precinct for far too long attempting to sell him on a farcical version of justice and now Rafael was watching the glass window of the oven as he re-heated his meal. It was the third time in a week he had run through this routine – usually by the time he shuffled through the front door the apartment was dark and silent, at least tonight there was still life in his home.
He ate standing up at the bench with a dishtowel over his shoulder, looking out into the living room where his Amor sat cross-legged at the coffee table with Theo and Rosalie by her side. They were concentrating on a puzzle, dinosaurs Rafael guessed from the half a dozen pieces that had been completed.
Chewing his last mouthful he collected his plate and cutlery and moved to the sink to wash up. The warm sound of their laughter was only just audible over the running water in front of him. Rolling the sleeves of his dress shirt to the elbow and removing his grandfather’s watch he delved his hands into the soapy water.
The fabric of his trouser pocket muffled the text chime from his iPhone though Rafael didn’t miss the jolt of vibration that buzzed at his thigh and after a quick glance to ensure he was alone he dried his right hand on the towel and unlocked the phone.
Meet me later – when they’re asleep. You know the place, Counsellor.
Excitement rippled through him and pooled low in his abdomen as he quickly scanned the message again, attempting to train the grin that was edging at the corner of his mouth. He was all too aware of the little eyes and sponge-like brains that picked up on every little detail and who knew no better than to ask, often loudly for all ears to hear. Rafael wondered at what age he could give his children a lesson in discretion.
With a cool expression he quickly replied and pocketed the phone. He knew the location well, though he was beginning to suspect their pursuit of secrecy was in vain. Twice they had almost been caught, questions had been asked, observations made and he was beginning to doubt whether their late-night trysts should continue. Rafael knew the secrecy made it all the more thrilling and even sometimes the thrill of being caught sent his pulse thumping.
Tonight, he told himself, he would suggest they put a stop to their nocturnal activities. Though whether he was strong enough to stop was another thing all together.
This will be the last time.
“Papá?” A little voice softly whispered at this side and he blinked hard before peering down to meet the sweet cherub face of his daughter smiling up at him.
“Si, Mija.”
Rosalie spoke carefully and quietly causing Rafael to bend awkwardly to the side as his hands remained in the sink.
“I’m hungry, can I p’ease have a choc’ate?”
Straightening back up he eyed her carefully.
“How can you be hungry when you’ve had dinner? You can have fruit if you’re still hungry,” he offered only to be rejected with a violent shake of the head, causing her honey waves to bounce from side to side.
“You know the rules, Rosie – no candy after dinner. You kids have too much sugar as is.”
Her head dropped dramatically and she slowly retreated from the kitchen in defeat, shuffling away slowly just to add to his guilt. Looking back at the soapy water before him he thought about the packet of peanut M&Ms hidden in his desk and worked a little quicker. He tried to ignore the pang of guilt as he wondered whether he could find and consume them without Rosalie’s prying eyes.
Hypocrite.
He wandered around to the coffee table to check on the progress of the puzzle, the outside pieces were now complete as well as the top right of the image and Rafael’s suspicions were confirmed by the sharp snarling teeth of a T-Rex.
“Good job, Mijo,” Rafael affirmed as he laid his hand on the top of his sons head.
Standing over them he watched as they turned pieces over and around until they slotted together to create more of the image. Rosie helped by sorting the mass of unused pieces into piles of similar colours. When his phone pinged with an email notification he made his was down the hallway toward his small home office. The weight of his phone in his hand served as a reminder of his secret rendezvous to come and he checked the time at the top of the screen.
Slumping down into his leather chair Rafael began to search through his desk, he knew he’d seen those M&Ms in there somewhere. From the dim light provided by his desk lamp he rifled through the deep bottom drawer where his old case notes were kept in meticulous order – sometimes he snuck some snacks between the folders however there was nothing sweet there, just a small bag of dehydrated apple that his Amor no doubt left as a joke. She had tried countless times to replace his sugary treats with healthy options and so far he’d only enjoyed the sweet potato chips and the low salt pretzels.
Distracted by his thoughts Rafael hadn’t noticed the tiny pair of feet following him into the office. Somehow he had managed to tune out the constant squeak of Rosalie’s excited voice until she was scrambling to sit in his lap.
“Are you evening li’tening, Papá?”
Her exasperated lisp brought him out of his reverie and Rafael focused on her as she sat facing him; the toddler’s hands were perched on his broad shoulders, a pink bottom lip protruded outwards and her left eyebrow was raised at an accusatory angle. Quickly he retraced what little had filtered through – Rosie was retelling the events of her afternoon in the park waiting for Theo to finish school. The account heavily featured a very fluffy corgi puppy, which she had immediately taken a liking to.
“Of course I was listening, Amoracita,” Rafael assured her whilst walking the chair forwards to effectively lock her into place between his torso and the edge of the mahogany desk.
He reached past her tiny frame to sort through the mass of documents scattered before him, careful as always to hide anything troubling from her inquisitive eyes. She talked away into her father’s chest; oblivious to the real task he had set himself and the obstruction she was.
“I love him,” Rosalie nodded and she traced the blue pinstripe pattern running down his shirt.
“Is that right?”
“Yes!” She bobbed up and down and splayed her arms out wide to demonstrate just how much. “I named him T’inkle Toes.”
Rafael quickly gulped down the laugh that threatened to burst past his lips though he couldn’t fight off the amused grin that pulled his cheeks upwards.
“Twinkle Toes?” he repeated. “That is a… choice.”
Sensitive and aware beyond her years his little girl’s face contorted until her features were set somewhere between embarrassed and disappointed. A little dimple formed above her eyebrow as they furrowed and her blue eyes somehow grew bigger as they filled with worry.
Immediately his busy hands stopped their shuffling and sought out her face, encasing her elfish features between long fingers.
“That’s a lovely name, honey” he laid a kiss to her forehead. “He’s a very lucky puppy if he spent his afternoon playing with you.”
Her hesitations disappeared and were replaced by more rapid conversation about the puppy’s fluffy fur and stumpy little legs and Rafael nodded enthusiastically all the while recalling the text message on his phone from his dear Amor from that afternoon.
Rosie is going to tell you ALL ABOUT the puppy she met in the park. Please please PLEASE do not cave, Rafi.
He scoffed when he’d received the text and he scoffed again now at the thought of him giving into the demands of a three year old. There was no way he’d agree to a dog running rampant around the apartment no matter how big Rosie’s watery blue eyes grew or how sweetly she pleaded. But just to be sure Rafael busied himself amongst the contents of his desk again as the little girl continued to talk – he found it was always easier to say no if he didn’t look directly at her.
Delighted giggles filtered into the office from the living room, with the puzzle completed Theo and his mother had moved onto their nightly Snapchat selfies.
“Do the rainbow one again,” he heard Theo shriek through fits of laughter and Rafael wondered whether the thought of missing out would whisk Rosie away.
She didn’t budge.
Sighing, Rafael gently picked up his daughter and set her back onto the ground in the hope she would gravitate towards the fun happening in the other room. More so he was hoping she would disappear long enough that he could retrieve the packet of M&Ms he’d been thinking about for the last twenty minutes. Tugging open the top drawer of his desk he carefully sifted through the clutter of loose pens and stray postage stamps and Rosalie, upon noticing where her father was rummaging, fell silent and slowly made her away toward the door. Her eyes remained glued to the drawer and she stood on the tips of her toes as she watched with trepidation.
“Let do selfies, Papá,” she instructed, trying to steal his attention away.
“I’ll be right behind you, Mija,” he replied before continuing to delve deeper towards to the back of the drawer. Her ploy to coax him away from his desk proved unsuccessful when a lone orange M&M made its slow roll from the back of the drawer and she looked on as Rafael’s eyes followed the awkwardly shaped candy trundle and then stop at the corner of the drawer.
With agonising deliberateness Rafael removed the crumpled yellow package with two long fingers and held it up to examine. Save for the few crumbs of colourful candy shell, the packet was completely empty.
“Huh,” he grunted and looked over to the little girl standing in the doorway.
Swallowing hard, those big deep oceans gazed over to him and the little dimple at her eyebrow reappeared as she drew them close together in anticipation. For a long piercing moment the two stared at one another – Rafael remained measured and still as he waited for her confession and braced himself for the big guilty tears that would soon appear.
Without a word Rosie took off as fast as her little legs could carry her, racing away from her father and almost slipping on the hardwood floor as she fled the scene of her crime, no doubt to meet with her accomplice.
Swivelling back to his desk, he dropped the empty packet into the drawer and popped the remaining orange candy into his mouth, chuckling quietly as he chewed. There would have to be a stern talk about stealing, maybe after their bedtime story, but for the moment Rafael marvelled at his child’s skills of self-preservation. Swallowing the sweet chocolate but craving another he settled back to read through the case law he’d set aside, pleased to have an end to any further puppy discussions.
Satisfied with his preparation Rafael followed the noise of shrieks and squeals, smiling at his dear Amor’s stern warning of impending bedtime. The familiar giddiness he’d felt earlier in the evening returned at the thought of a quiet home and his awaiting date. He leant a shoulder against the living room entrance and quietly took in the sight before him; couch cushions and pillows scattered across the surface of the expansive rug that filled the room. The low coffee table and Theo’s puzzle was set aside in front of the picture window in the designated ‘out of bounds’ area and he watched as his little ones hopped from pillows to cushions to manoeuvrer around the room. Their faces were flushed and beaming as they laughed uncontrollably at their own antics.
God, they’re perfect… even if they steal your candy.
“The floor is lava, hon,” his Amor explained as she stood carefully upon an old copy of The New Yorker.
“Yeah, Papá! The floor is lava!” Theo warned, breathless from jumping between the large couch cushion and the tiled ledge of the hearth.
Rosalie shrieked and waved him over to her with hurried hands. “Q’ick! Q’ick! Or t’e lava will melt you!”
Rafael looked down at the floor and flexed his sock covered feet, “This floor?”
“It’s lava you say?”
He inspected the ash-coloured carpet with his toe, trying to hide the smirk that was creeping onto his face by burying his chin into his collar.
“Lucky I’m immune.”
Carefully stepping onto another strategically placed magazine his Amor bit back a knowing smile, “how’s that?”
“Because,” Rafael stretched the word out long enough that he could reach Theo in a few short steps.
“I’m the lava monster!” he cried as he grabbed his son and flung him over his shoulder. Theo’s bright laughter filled the room and he waved his arms out as his father ran over to Rosie and grabbed her around her waist. Ignoring the searing pain of his lower back Rafael spun them around and pretended to eat them up, play biting at their flailing limbs and making animated sounds as the two wriggled and squealed in his grasp. He carried them to their bedrooms, feeling their little hearts beating in their chests, and plonked them onto their beds as they laughed wildly.
“Bed time,” he huffed and stretched out his back.
He watched from their doorways, first little Rosalie firmly hugging her plush giraffe and then Theo wrapped up tight under the covers fast asleep. Finally the apartment was silent and Rafael could think of only one thing, the one place he promised he’d be. He moved carefully down the hall past the bedrooms into the dark of their living room, now returned to its original form. A twinge of shame struck him somewhere between his ribs and he tried to shake the heavy feeling as he made his way to the entry closet.
Careful to avoid any unnecessary noise Rafael opened the closet door slowly and found his Amor waiting for him in the cramped space. Flanked by winter coats and boots she offered him a sexy little shimmy in her short satin nightie and a sultry smile that made him melt. He squeezed in with her and shut the door behind him, still conscious of waking up their sleeping children.
“Finally Counsellor, I thought I was going to have to start without you,” his Amor whispered sweetly.
Beneath the faint overhanging light he slid his body against hers and delighted in the feeling of her soft body moulding into his own. He trailed quick kisses down her neck to her collarbone and murmured against her cool skin, “you wouldn’t dare.”
With that she carefully manoeuvred herself enough to reach up above them and Rafael kept a firm grip on her waist, entirely too aware of how little space there was to work with. Only last week he made the mistake of hitting his shin against the shoe rack resulting in a nasty bruise that had just finally healed. Unable to resist while she was stretched up in front if him Rafael lightly feathered his hand underneath her short hem to trace over her thigh. When his fingers inched higher to the edge of her bikini line she shrieked in surprise and Rafael dared not push his luck and cause a mishap. He wasn’t sure how they could possibly explain this to anyone if medical assistance was required.
Retrieving a blue Nike shoebox from the top shelf above them she turned around in his arms and carefully managed to sit on the floor of the cramped entry closet. Rafael stifled a sad groan as he lowered himself to the ground and wrapped his legs around her frame, allowing her to lean back into his chest.
“We have to stop sneaking around like this, Mi Amor, I think they’re beginning to suspect.”
“They suspect nothing,” she whispered as she opened the shoebox to reveal the hoard of sweet snacks she had stowed away.
Tearing open a bag of chocolate chip cookies she handed one over her shoulder to Rafael and his moan reverberated through him into her as he chewed on the doughy cookie, the sweet treat was just what he had craved since leaving Buchanan’s presence.
Poking his head over her shoulder he inspected the contents of the box and was delighted to see a bag of peanut M&Ms in the mix.
“Mmm,” Rafael mumbled around the cookie and pointed to the long yellow package, “open those next.”
Listening to her gentle laugh over the sound of rustling candy wrappers and his hurried chewing he asked what had her so amused.
“We’re the worst,” she giggled again as she ran her fingers underneath his cotton pyjama pants to gently trace shapes over his shin.
With sugar on his lips and his dear Amor nestled into him he closed his eyes and leant his head against the wall of their cramped hideout. Despite himself he chuckled at the absurdity of their current situation. Reaching past her he plucked another cookie from the open bag.
“We’re doing them a favour,” he mumbled. “If we don’t eat it they will.”
They stayed like that, wrapped in each other and silently snacking until they were sated. Rafael carefully returned the stash to its hiding place and helped her up to her feet. He stopped her as she reached for the door, taking her hand in his instead.
“You’ve got some chocolate there, hold on,” he whispered and leaned down to kiss her, tenderly running his tongue over her bottom lip. He hummed as they separated and he offered her a satisfied smile.
As she moved toward the door again she laughed at him, “you don’t have to make excuses, Rafi.”
Emerging from their hiding spot they were greeted with the confused expressions of their two small children staring up at them. Rafael stopped in his tracks; he knew it, he knew their secret couldn’t last forever. Rosalie peered around her parents to catch a glimpse of inside the closet, determined to see what had drawn them inside and Rafael moved to block her view.
Theo eyed them both skeptically, “What are you doing in there?”
“Nothing,” Rafael rushed and his Amor turned to him sharply and rolled her eyes. His face momentarily blanched at his inadequate response and before his brain could catch up his Amor was already rushing towards the two children before them.
“Thank goodness, my darlings,” she gasped, reaching for their little hands. “You saved me from the lava monster. Quick, back to bed!”
He was met with incredulous eyes until he reached his arms above his head and roared loudly causing the three to shriek and run away down the hallway. Despite the dull ache in his lower back he growled and stomped in the dark behind them, dusting the stray crumbs from his t-shirt as he went.
Perfect.