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Chaeyoung had never ever confessed, she didn’t think she ever would. She stored things, wrote things down and hid them so nobody else could ever find them and that’s how she coped. She poured her heart into song lyrics and poems and she kept them all saved in a little book that she carried around everywhere with her. The little book was always jammed in her backpack with a bundle of pens, just in case. It was incredibly important to her, it was her little escape from all of the crazy that was going on in the world around her and it offered her a healthy release from the real world for a little while.
She would draw little drawings in the corners of the pages, she’d write for hours down words that she was too afraid to ever speak, tiny poems turned into endless pages of just spewing her emotions. She had filled a book, bought another and she was getting towards the end of all of the pages in this one. She’d read back on them at night, holding the book close to her chest before she went to sleep and living in a world in which she could love.
It took Jeongyeon holding her first book out of reach and reading her poems aloud to the rest of the members and each of them cooing and fawning over her ‘cuteness’ that ruptured a whole other sense of embarrassment because of her creativity and her feelings. She didn’t let her latest book leave her side.
So, there she was, curled up in the corner of a waiting room, her book pressed against her knees and her legs wrapped up against her chest as she contently scribbled words across a page.
“I hope you’re not writing about me,” Jeongyeon teased, she peered her head over Chaeyoung’s knees, not fast enough, Chaeyoung pulled the cover of the book shut and scowled at her friend.
“I’m not writing about anybody,” She lied, she obviously wouldn’t admit that to Jeongyeon out of everyone, she had a reputation of spilling secrets to the others - as useful as an umbrella with holes in, Nayeon once said, “Anyway, it’s none of your business.”
Jeongyeon feigned offence and disappeared off somewhere and Chaeyoung considered it safe enough to open up her book again, she let her finger run across the drawings in the corners.
She scribbled a butterfly in the top left, that was one of the only way she could describe her feelings in a picture, it felt like she had thousands of tiny little butterflies that erupted in her stomach. In the top left of the page, she had drawn a few eyes, mainly big, brown eyes and then a plethora of hearts along the bottom of the page and the words in the centre. It was pretty.
She never named her poems, mainly because she struggled to think of something that would match up properly. She’d have hundreds of pages of unknown little poems and she hadn’t shown anyone this new book but she had every word memorised, relaying them in her head whenever she saw her crush.
She stumbled across her crush one day when they greeted her in the hallway, it was a simple little greeting and it happened every day but Chaeyoung wasn’t so sure at the time why her heart rate skyrocketed and those butterflies filled her stomach.
'Good morning, Chaeyoung. You’re looking very pretty today,' She remembers the words just like she remembers her poems. It was Jihyo, it was all about Jihyo.
If any of the other members found out that she has a crush on their leader, she was done for. Jeongyeon had already made a habit of mocking Chaeyoung over her crush and her first poetry book, God only knows what would happen if Jeongyeon got a hold of her new one and put the pieces together about it being about Jihyo.
“Chaeyoung, you’re going to stare a hole into that wall if you’re not careful,” Her voice was gentle, but it came out of nowhere and Chaeyoung got a little spooked. She was staring at the wall next to the TV in the waiting room and apparently she had been doing so for quite a while. Jihyo sat next to her and placed a warm hand on Chaeyoung’s knee and it set off her heart rate all over again, “Is everything okay? You know you can talk to me if something was the matter.”
Jihyo was so beautiful, she was so warm, so friendly and she would always have the prettiest smile and Chaeyoung just felt so at home whenever Jihyo was nearby. Maybe this is how everyone felt around her.
She weighed up the positives and the negatives of possibly telling Jihyo absolutely everything in this very moment. Chaeyoung was very much an all or nothing type of girl, she gripped her little book a bit tighter in her hands and she sighed.
“Unnie, I have a crush,” Chaeyoung hung her head as she mumbled defeatedly. Jihyo sprung to life with a little ‘aww’ and rubbed Chaeyoung’s thigh with her hand that was still there, not helping Chaeyoung’s case at all. The butterflies made their return and Chaeyoung winced as she felt that feeling wash over her all over again.
“So, who’s the lucky one?”
Chaeyoung didn’t reply, she couldn’t reply, she just sort of fumbled with her book and almost shoved it in Jihyo’s face for the older girl to take. Jihyo took the book and scanned through the pages, she seemed to be taking a long time and Chaeyoung felt her palms getting sweaty as Jihyo reached further and further through the book. She didn’t want to raise too much suspicion if she grabbed the book back, so she watched Jihyo carefully.
She reached the last page, her most recent poem and Jihyo stayed on this page for a long time. Her finger traced the drawings in the corners and from what Chaeyoung could read from her expression, Jihyo had realised something.
“These would make really good song lyrics,” Jihyo shut the book and handed it back to Chaeyoung, “We should write something.”
Chaeyoung didn’t really know what to say, that wasn’t the response that she was looking for and she just watched as Jihyo stood up, the overwhelming sense of urgency took over and Chaeyoung stood up and grabbed Jihyo’s wrist.
“What is it?”
“It’s you,” Chaeyoung breathed out slowly, “It’s all about you.”