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Relief. The tenseness in your shoulders melting away as you step through the doors. The muscles in your face relaxing when you didn’t even know they’d been screwed up in such an awful expression. The overwhelming experience of comfort just a few paces in.
Akira had thought that feeling was a myth when he had returned home from his probation the year previous, but it really was nothing compared to stepping into Leblanc’s attic after so long.
Even Morgana seemed to be quite content. It was stuffy and a little dark like it usually was, but Akira really couldn’t imagine spending his last free spring without it. After what happened… the city felt more like his home than Inaba ever had. It felt only right to finish out his high school life here, with his actual friends. They were more like family, anyway, especially Sojiro who had so graciously allowed him to stay in the attic once again.
Akira could hardly believe it’d been a good few months since the last time he was around. It felt like it’d been only a few weeks, but at the same time, maybe it was a few years. Either way, he was back, and it felt good.
“So,” Morgana said, as serious as a talking cat could be, “what’s your plan of action?”
“My plan of action?” Akira echoed. “For, uh, what?”
“You know.” Morgana leapt down from his perch near the door and crossed towards Akira. He jumped up on the bed and placed a paw on Akira’s leg. “Yusuke?”
Right. Yusuke. Akira almost wanted to throw the cat off the bed for reminding him.
The short story? Akira had a crush. The long story? Akira really had a crush, and it’d been like that since he left, and it only grew worse whenever they texted throughout third year, and now, this spring break could be the last time they ever saw each other for the rest of their lives. And Akira really couldn’t handle it. He didn’t know how the world was supposed to keep turning if he never saw Yusuke again.
But Morgana was annoying about it. He kept threatening to let something slip if Akira didn’t get his act together, and they’d talked about it briefly on the train ride there. Morgana was willing to strike up a deal: either Akira himself tells Yusuke how he feels by the end of the break, or Morgana will.
“I dunno. Haven’t figured it out yet,” Akira said. “Shouldn’t stuff like this happen organically anyway? Setting a time limit kinda makes it feel like… A mission?”
“Well, you’re stealing his heart, right?”
Akira stared blankly at Morgana. Morgana stared right back at him, and he probably would have had a stupid smirk on his face if a cat was anatomically capable of that. Akira stared for a rather long time, just to see if Morgana would move on.
“Get it? It’s like when you were a Phantom Thief, but—”
“No, yeah, I got it.” Akira rolled his eyes. “You really think you’re funny, huh?”
“I am funny.”
Shaking his head, Akira stood up. It was mid-afternoon; there was still time to drop by and let everyone know he was back. He hadn’t really… told anyone about this. He figured it was nice to surprise people. Keep them on their toes.
(Really, he’d been getting sick of Inaba. He’d been getting sick of his parents and the people there, and he just wanted to get out. He was lucky enough to get accepted into a university close enough to the city that he wouldn’t go absolutely crazy, but it was still far enough that it wouldn’t… quite be the same as when he lived inside it.)
He told Sojiro, of course, and telling Sojiro was essentially telling Futaba, too. So they knew. But no one else did, so it’d probably be fun to send them a giant group text. Something eerie, like “come to Leblanc in twenty minutes… or else you’ll never see your precious Akira again.” They’d probably all be there in ten. Heading down the stairs, he began to type out his—
“Surprise!”
He was greeted with a chorus, all of the former Phantom Thieves comically squeezed into one booth. A cake sat right in the middle of the table. Futaba gave him a small wave, squished between Ann and Yusuke.
“Welcome home!” she said. “Thought it’d be nice to give you a warm welcome back.”
“What? I thought I said not to tell anyone.” Akira came down the rest of the steps. He wasn’t disappointed at all, but if he would have known Futaba was going to do something like this, then he would have tried to look a little nicer. Right now, he was giving off ‘I-woke-up-and-immediately-hopped-onto-a-three-hour-train-ride-with-my-cat’ when he would have attempted to give off ‘I-just-woke-up-but-it’s-a-little-sexy-like-how-Joker-was.’
“Don’t get mad at me! It was actually Inari’s idea.” Futaba leaned forward, placing her elbows on the table. She smirked at Akira. Like she knew.
Oh my God.
She knew.
“I apologize if you wanted to keep your return under wraps,” Yusuke said from his spot against the wall. He looked a little bit tangled up amongst himself. He was tall before, but he seemed to have grown even taller in the time they’ve been apart. “But you’ve always been doing things for us. If you’ve come all this way, a surprise party is the least we could do.”
Akira grew flustered with how earnestly Yusuke was looking at him. His hand flew up immediately to start twisting his bangs, stammering out a thanks. Even if he wanted to be as cool as Joker, he was still Akira Kurusu. And Akira Kurusu didn’t have the brainpower to come up with smoother lines in front of pretty boys.
“Alright, get on over here!” Ryuji was on the edge, and he swung around so that his legs were out from under the table. He patted his thighs. “No more room for you to sit, so guess you gotta go right here, buddy!”
“There’s…” Akira vaguely gestured to literally anywhere else in the cafe. “There’s room for everyone to sit comfortably. You guys haven’t forgotten that, right?”
It took a little bit of convincing, but eventually everyone was sitting somewhere a lot more comfortable. Where they actually had room to breathe. Akira had taken Futaba’s spot, and Ann had moved to the seat opposite, so he couldn’t really breathe being so close to Yusuke. And Futaba just kept looking at him like that, and eventually Morgana was, too, and he really was going to go crazy if he didn’t figure out a plan soon.
He needed a few days. Just a few days, and then he’d kick himself into gear.
Akira hadn’t had a day to himself since he got back. Every single day, he’s been going out with someone or a few people or even everyone at once. He was used to having a day or two in between hang-outs back at home, but that was nowhere to be found here.
And he loved it.
He had just got back to Leblanc after spending the night at Ryuji’s house, playing video games and watching some strange conspiracy videos on YouTube until the sun came up. He’d only gotten a few hours of sleep, but when he glanced at his phone and saw Yusuke texting him, he didn’t feel so tired anymore.
He learned that Yusuke was also one to be getting out of the house a lot lately. Since Yusuke’s scholarship at Kohei ended when his schooling did, he was left with nowhere to go during the spring. At least he’d thought that; there was no way Futaba would let him go homeless if she had anything to do with it. And, with Yusuke being Yusuke, he’d felt like a burden taking up space in Sojiro’s house and tried to make himself scarce.
“He wants to go to an art store?” Morgana yawned. “Boring! How are you supposed to profess your undying love in a dorky yet charming manner in an art store? That’s totally his domain. He’s got the home advantage. You’re gonna die.”
“I’m not gonna do it yet,” Akira said as he rummaged through his things for suitable clothes to wear. “Do you really think I’d do it, like, the first chance I had to be alone with him? There’s still a couple weeks. These things take time, y’know.”
“You don’t have enough time for a slow burning romance!” Morgana flopped down on the bed. “You’re hopeless. Hopeless! Bring me with you. I’ll whisper ‘Akira loves you’ a bunch of times. Futaba was telling me about subliminal messaging, so I really think—”
“No.” Akira pulled on his jacket and glanced in the mirror. He ruffled his hair. Yeah, that’d be okay. Messy was in. “Bye.”
Akira nearly ran out of Leblanc, hoping to be fast enough that Morgana wouldn’t follow him. He slammed the door shut just as Morgana had gotten there, and even if Morgana pawed at the door until Sojiro let him out, Akira still had a good advantage. He kept his pace brisk as he walked to the train station. Yusuke had already gone out for the day, so they’d meet a little deeper into the city, near where Akira used to get off for Shujin every day.
The train ride wasn’t anything to be nervous about, but Akira felt his heart racing anyway. He tried to calm himself down by thinking things like you’ve ridden the train before; you won’t get off on the wrong stop or he doesn’t even know it’s a date; you’ll be fine, but nothing was working. Even if Yusuke didn’t know the slightest about dating, it still felt like one.
Strangely enough, Akira’s worries began to dissipate when he saw Yusuke, tall amongst the crowd. Yusuke looked up just as Akira approached, smiling softly. Akira felt like he had been shot right in the heart, and if he had been the slightest bit more dramatic, he probably would have doubled over.
“Akira! Impeccable timing,” Yusuke said. “I was just wondering where you were.”
“Yep, I’m right here.”
Akira wanted to hit himself at how silly he must have sounded. Not even a hello! He should just prepare himself for rejection already.
“So, uh.” Akira twisted his bangs, trying to play it off. “Where’s the store you wanna go to?”
“Follow me,” Yusuke said, and he looked around as if he forgot which direction he was supposed to go in.
He picked one seemingly at random, but Akira didn’t question it. To be perfectly honest, Akira would probably follow Yusuke to the ends of the Earth.
“I’m glad you’ve been well,” Yusuke said as they left the train station. “You’ve been telling us about your endless list of accomplishments, but seeing you thrive in person is much different than hearing about it. I’ve missed seeing your face.”
Akira choked on his words before he got out some semblance of yeah, I missed you, too. What kind of compliment was that? How was Akira supposed to take it? He knew Yusuke was weird, but maybe that was him making a genuine attempt at flirting, and—
Oh, the conversation was continuing. Akira would have to analyze that bit later.
“Do you remember the art museum I was invited to?” Yusuke asked. “Well, I received yet another call from them. They were interested in keeping the piece I asked you about.”
“Oh?” Akira asked. He remembered the piece well. Yusuke had sent him a picture, asking for Akira’s first impression. Akira hadn’t really understood it, and he took a stab in the dark. It looked like the night sky, even though the background was different shades of green and light blue. It had been the ocean, but Yusuke was so overwhelmed with emotion at Akira’s interpretation that he didn’t get to find out the true meaning until the next day.
“I accepted the offer.” Yusuke glanced to Akira for just a moment before training his eyes forward. “It’s odd to think that people are truly interested in displaying my work like that.”
“That’s great news!” Akira smiled, but Yusuke didn’t look to see it. “You’re really talented, and your work is really good, so I’m glad they recognized that. You deserve it!”
“Do I?” Yusuke asked, absently, before he said, “Thank you, Akira. I can always count on your endless support.”
“Yeah, no problem.” Akira tried his best not to freak out. Was he coming on too strong? He’d have to be extremely bold for Yusuke to notice, but… but maybe that was bold enough, and oh, it had to be bold enough because Yusuke was stopping in front of some random building and turning to face Akira probably to berate him for being so weird and—
“I apologize,” Yusuke said, “but it appears the art store is closed. For eternity.”
Akira blinked, shocked. “Um. Oh. That sucks,” he said. He actually looked at the building, finally taking his eyes off of Yusuke. It looked way more… desolated than a recently-closed place should be. It had to have been closed down years ago. “How did you hear about it if it was closed this whole time?”
Yusuke produced a slip of paper from his pocket, holding it out for Akira to inspect. “When I was moving out of the dorms, I stumbled upon a coupon that I hadn’t used nor seen before. I figured I could try my hand at using it anyway, but it appears that the store itself will not be accepting coupons anytime soon.”
Akira couldn’t help but laugh. He looked at the coupon more closely.
“Yusuke,” Akira said, trying his best to keep his composure. “This coupon expired in 1999.”
“Yes, I understand that, but perhaps if I asked nicely—”
“It’s 2018, Yusuke!” Akira handed the coupon back, really, really trying not to laugh harder and make Yusuke feel bad. “You didn’t think once that maybe it wouldn’t work out?”
Yusuke shook his head. “I don’t think it was a useless journey, though. I quite enjoyed it.”
Akira froze, but recovered somewhat quickly.
“Yeah. Me too.”
Akira nearly slammed his head down on the counter. The only thing stopping him was the thought of Sojiro getting mad at him for potentially getting blood everywhere. Sojiro was a better dad to him than his actual father. Cracking his head open and dying in Leblanc was probably not the best way to repay the man.
“I don’t get it. I literally do not understand.” Akira huffed, lifting his forehead up so he wouldn’t just be talking into the wood.
He had a council, after all. A council of his very nosy friends, all clued in by a cat that couldn’t keep his mouth shut. Ryuji, Futaba, and Ann surrounded him, Morgana tucked away in Akira’s bag.
“I think he likes you,” Ann said, like she had been for the past twenty minutes. “I’m telling you! He probably wouldn’t keep asking you to go with him all these random places if he didn’t like you. He’s making constant excuses to see you. That’s, like, sign number one on how to tell if a guy likes you.”
“No, no, no, no, no!” Ryuji slammed his hand down, earning a sharp scolding from Sojiro. “Sorry, chief. But Ann’s totally wrong. You can’t judge Yusuke based off standards for a normal guy. Have you seen the kid? He says ‘hello, this is Yusuke Kitagawa’ every single time ya call him! And for what? If I didn’t know who he was, why would I call?”
“That proves nothing.”
“It proves everything,” Futaba said. “For once, Ryuji may be on to something. Inari isn’t a normal guy. He’s really hard to read sometimes, so maybe he’s just obsessing over Akira because it’s been forever since we last saw him.”
Ryuji sat back with a grin. “See? Told ya.”
“However,” Futaba continued, “Ann also has a point. He may be a total weirdo, but even this is unusual for him.”
“So what’s the verdict?” Akira asked.
He really just wanted to know how to proceed with all of this. He’d been hanging out with Yusuke nearly every single day since the expired coupon trip, and each time, he felt like it’d been different than any other time they hung out. Like Yusuke’s words were loaded with something Akira hadn’t seen before. Or at least never picked up on before.
He could hardly count the places Yusuke wanted to bring him to. After the art store, it had been another store. And then another. And then they went to the park, where Akira sat still for nearly an hour while Yusuke sketched. They went out to dinner after that, and Akira had been shocked that Yusuke had enough money to pay for himself.
They soon took to hanging out in Akira’s room for a little while in the mornings. That was what really got him. He hadn’t informed the council yet, because quite frankly it seemed a little personal, but Akira felt like he melted every morning. On the dot each day, about twenty minutes after Akira woke up, Yusuke would tiptoe in with two mugs of coffee and a quiet voice. They’d drink and sit on Akira’s bed, discussing their respective plans for the day, and then it’d be over.
But Yusuke hadn’t said anything for sure about his feelings. That was what really scared Akira. Yusuke was weird in an artist way, but the whole situation was weird in a feelings way, and he couldn’t tell if Yusuke was starting to get feelings-weird or if he was just artist-weird and he put himself in all these situations that were feelings-weird.
“I think you should man up and go for it,” Sojiro said, gently swatting away Akira’s head so he could wipe down the counter. “It’s been a long time since my heyday, but I’ve listened to you mope for the past half-hour. He’s a strange kid, but he likes you enough that he’s not going to disown you if you say anything.”
Akira nodded, considering it carefully. He assumed Sojiro’s advice was best, since he was the one dealing with Yusuke every morning, but… but Ryuji and Futaba were saying not yet, to wait it out, and Akira didn’t know if he could wait too long. Spring break was ending soon, and Akira only had so many chances left. They were going to the planetarium tomorrow, so it’d be great if the council could reach a decision before then.
The bell rang as the door opened, and the council was effectively silenced.
“Akira, are you here?” Yusuke asked as he walked inside. “Oh. Many are here. Is there a meeting I’ve missed out on?”
“Nope, nothing,” Ann said, way too loudly. “We’re all good here! Are you guys good? I’m good! I’m great!”
Akira let his head fall back onto the counter.
The planetarium was gorgeous.
It wasn’t the first time Akira had been there with Yusuke. He vaguely remembered when he’d been there with Mishima and found Yusuke unexpectedly. Akira hadn’t realized his feelings yet, so he didn’t get the chance to engrave the sight of Yusuke’s face as he watched the presentation.
But he had the chance now, and he was taking full advantage of it. Akira was hardly paying attention to whatever was going on on the screen all around them. He could only focus on Yusuke’s face, the galaxies reflected in his eyes, the way the projections illuminated his skin as he kept looking around. He whispered softly every so often, about how beautiful everything was and how lucky they were to be situated in such a position that they could observe each celestial being with such a perfect view. And Akira was selfish enough to think that Yusuke was talking to him and not muttering generalizations. He wanted to be included when Yusuke said things like “I think fate brought us to this spot, allowing us to peek into eternity for just a moment” and “isn’t it fantastic how we’ve seen this a thousand times and somehow we can still find something new” and “if only we could capture this beauty within ourselves somehow, although I’m sure some have mastered it already, now that I think about it.”
Akira was going to die. He was really going to die, and it’d be because of Yusuke Kitagawa’s starry eyes and the way his lips looked so soft turned up into a constant smile at all this and his soft voice when he said good morning, is a new blend okay this time? and the lights were coming up and Akira needed to stop staring.
“I-Is something wrong?” Yusuke asked when Akira was just moments too late.
“Um. I’m just a little sleepy,” Akira said. “I’ll be okay.”
“We don’t have to stay for the later presentation. In fact, I insist on not staying. If you’re tired, it’d better that you rest.” Yusuke smiled, nodded to himself, and stood up. “Isn’t it you who taught me that?”
Yusuke insisted on walking with Akira the whole way to Leblanc. Granted, it wasn’t far from where he himself was going, but he got it in his head that somehow Akira was bound to pass out from exhaustion if they didn’t stick together. Akira felt too embarrassed to even look at Yusuke again. Or maybe embarrassed wasn’t the right word; it was more like he was too enamored to see his face again. Not when the image of him in the planetarium was so fresh in his mind still. So he looked at the ground as they walked, tried to sync up their footsteps even though Yusuke’s strides were just a little longer than his own.
“Are you thinking about anything in particular that’s made you so quiet?” Yusuke asked, slowing a little. “I’m a little concerned. I care for you, so if something’s happened, I want to know so that I can handle it properly.”
That was the breaking point. Akira stopped fully, eyes still trained on the ground.
“It’s you,” he said, finally. “I… Okay, it’s been like this for a while now, so just listen until I’m done.”
Yusuke stood silent.
Akira took a deep breath before he started. This was it. He had to tell himself that it’d be okay. If Yusuke hated him, then it was okay because school would start soon and they’d head off to their respective universities and never see each other again. It would be fine. It would be fine .
“I like you.”
When Yusuke didn’t immediately reject him (if a sharp gasp didn’t count as immediate rejection), it felt a little easier for Akira to continue.
“I can’t even begin to remember when it started. It feels like I’ve always felt this way. Maybe I have. Maybe it’s been this way since I met you, and I just didn’t think about it too hard until recently.” Akira decided to carefully omit that recently, in his terms, was more like over a year ago. “I just… Thinking about you makes me want to do better. Back when we were the Phantom Thieves, you were so strong. You had every right not to be, but you were anyway, and that’s so admirable, Yusuke!
“And—God, and when it was all over, you still held yourself high. Look at you! You finished out high school with so many gallery acceptances you’re practically famous. It’s like you’ve completely turned around a way of thinking you grew up with. You find value in yourself now. I find a lot of value in you, too.”
Akira blushed. He knew Yusuke was staring at him, but he really didn’t want to look up in case it was bad.
“I think about you all the time. Especially at home. I miss you so much when I’m home. All I can think of is you, almost. Whenever I go anywhere I always wonder what you’d think of it. When I doodled in my notes, I’d think of how you’d critique it. Every single time I woke up, I thought of making coffee in Leblanc and drinking it with you, and how you’d say something about how the Sayuri looked, and you—you turned the tables on me, and every morning for the past week or whatever it’s felt like I’ve lived a whole life with you.
“I just—I just couldn’t stop thinking about it tonight! I was looking at you, and it was like I couldn’t even think about anything else. I couldn’t even hear the presentation, really, because I was listening to you instead.” Akira quieted as he neared the end of his speech, nervously reaching up to twist his bangs around. “You’re just a really beautiful person in almost every way possible. That was…” He stepped backwards, letting a little bit of distance between him and Yusuke. “Sorry. That was a lot. You’re allowed to think I’m weird now.”
The silence was deafening for hardly a second before Yusuke was suddenly way closer than he had been before, and he was holding Akira’s face, and all Akira could do was let his hand drop. He felt so bare, with Yusuke looking at him so intensely, and he was sure it was the end.
“No. Of course not! All that passion, all that emotion you’ve just poured out for me to see…” Yusuke pressed their foreheads together, and he whispered, “Beautiful. Stunning. One of the greatest works of all time, and I cannot believe I was robbed of seeing your magnificent face while you spoke.”
“Sorry, I—” Akira felt like he could hardly breathe. “What?”
Yusuke leaned back, although he still kept close. “Do you mean you couldn’t tell that I’ve felt the same way?”
Now Akira felt like his heart had stopped for real. He felt like he’d cry. He thought he was crying. All he could do was look up at Yusuke and nod, a little dumbly.
“Down to the letter. You inspire me to create. You inspire me to keep doing as much as I can with everything. Ever since you saved me, I...” Yusuke laughed, rubbing his thumbs gently along wet cheekbones before he let one hand fall to find Akira’s. “I’ve thought about you every day, too. Your face litters the pages of my sketchbooks. I don’t think even an eternity apart could make me forget you.”
Akira threw his arms around Yusuke, then, hugging him tight. He didn’t know what to say; he didn’t know if he was even capable of saying anything. But Yusuke understood. Of course he did, he always did, and he hugged Akira until it felt right to let go.
“I, um.” Akira glanced away again. “I really didn’t listen to a single thing in that planetarium.”
“I understand. Not to worry.” Yusuke smiled, taking Akira’s hand again. “I’ve been so often that I know the script by heart. If you’re willing to make do with your imagination, I’d be willing to recap it for you as you fall asleep tonight.”
“Sure. Yeah.” Akira nodded, feeling his heart soar even further. “I don’t think I’d rather do anything else.”
He fell asleep that night with his head on Yusuke’s chest. He felt long fingers tangle in his hair as Yusuke told him the story of the universe, and he dreamt of eternity.