Chapter Text
Sam had just returned from the library, where he went to study with a friend. Or at least that’s what he’d told Dean. Their father had abandoned them in the motel and went to follow a lead on his own, like it happened often. The boys were alone, so they had pretty much all the freedom the wanted since one would have never denied it to the other.
“How was the library?” asked Dean letting Sam understand what the actual question was.
“It was fine, me and Abigail even better. We kissed” replied Sam with a proud smile. Dean’s stomach twisted at the revelation. But he faked a smile anyway and even tried to make conversation with Sam on the topic.
“So you two are a thing now or what?”
“We actually didn’t discuss it but I suppose we are”
"You’re gonna make her suffer you know that right?”
“Why are you being so mean?”
“I’m just looking out for you and for her we’re leaving sooner or later and what will happen to you two? Have you thought about that?”
Sam didn’t answer immediately, he knew Dean was right but didn’t want to think about that. Not yet.
“Can’t you just be happy for me?”
“You know I am. I was just warning you”
Sam left the small kitchen and went taking a shower, while Dean kept watching his dumb film on the crappy TV. Sometimes Dean didn’t understand why he treated his little brother like that, other times he had the answer perfectly clear in his mind. There was only an explanation to his rudeness, he was in love with Sam. He had been since day one, when Mary and John had taken him home and Dean saw the little smile Sam had given him.
Realizing and even more accepting it has been hard for Dean, at first he denied his love, he told himself it was something else. Then he started to feel sick every time he thought about Sam o what he wanted from him. He started to feel so sick that when he thought about Sam as more than a brother he had the impulse of throwing up. Eventually he accepted what things were, but didn’t want to think about it so he began to fuck every girl that smiled at him.
When Sam got out of the shower Dean got up of the couch, as if it was a reflex and mumbling something about getting dinner and walked out of the motel room closing the door behind himself.
***
When Dean returned Sam was waiting for him watching TV, he didn't even noticed Dean entered the room or probably he was still mad at his brother for the previous argument.
"Sam, dinner is ready"
Sam didn't reply to Dean but went into the kitchen and eat, of course without saying a word. The hours seemed eternal to Dean, in the room there was a layer of tension that could be cut with a knife. Eventually Dean was the one that decided to break their silence, he couldn't stand not speaking to Sam.
"Listen, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you. I just wanted to be sure that you knew all the risks about this relationship. But now I realize that I should have been more careful with my words"
"It wasn't you Dean, I guess I'm mad because I know you're right, but for the first time I felt like there could have been something deep between me and Abigail and it makes me furious that we're leaving in a month or so"
"You can still make the most out of the time you have"
"Yeah, but it's not the same knowing you have to count the days that you've left"
Their conversation ended and the two brothers spent the rest of the night watching TV or cleaning their guns waiting for John to come back.
John didn't showed up nor got in touch with the boys for the following two weeks and while Sam was always more in love with Abigail and tried to spend every minute with her, Dean tried not to let his feelings for his little brother overwhelm him.
***
One day, before John came back, Sam even introduced Abigail to Dean, who had to admit that she was very pretty: brown, long hair and hazel eyes. How could Sam not be into her? And the more she and Dean talked, the more Dean understood what Sam saw in her. She was ironic without being mean and so kind, she had the kind of kindness that doesn't make you question if it's just to impress, you know it's how she is. Plus she never seemed weirded out by the fact that his boyfriend – at least according to Sam – lived in a motel with only his brother. Dean tried so hard to find something off about her, but he couldn't.
Of course as soon as she left for dinner, she had a real family and they had dinner all together acknowledged Dean, Sam wanted to know what Dean thought about her. And with Sam's most lethal weapon, his puppy eyes, pointed against Dean, how could he not tell Sam that he loved her. Dean's answer seemed to have relieved Sam, to the point that he didn't stopped talking about her for the following hour.
After knowing her Dean realized that he could never be jealous of such an amazing girl, he actually felt like if things would have worked out in the end for Abigail and Sam he would have been satisfied and could have accepted if she was the one Sam decided to spend the rest of his life with. Yes, she definitely was a catch.
In the middle of the night the two brother heard a noise out of the motel room, or at least Dean heard it. He opened his eyes, even if he was not facing the door, but other way and gripped firmly the dagger he kept under the pillowWhen he heard the door being opened he jumped up and in a second he was on the intruder, waking Sam up in the process.
Even in the weak light that came from the moon he saw the face of the man: John. Dean could smell the alcohol in John’s breath.
“Have you been drinking again?”
“What do you care?”
“I care dad if when you drink you enter our motel room like you were one of the monsters we hunt”
“Yeah, I know I know”
“Go to sleep tomorrow, when you’re sober you’ll tell us about the hunt. You too Sam”
Everybody went back to sleep, Sam in one bed, Dean in the other and John on the couch. Dean didn’t sleep well that night, he thought about how lately their father drank much more than he used to. Maybe this life was consuming him too, even if he didn’t want to show it. But of course his own sons couldn’t help but notice it and obviously Dean was the one who had to take care of everything while John couldn’t. Sometimes Dean thought he couldn’t do it, he felt overwhelmed by the responsibilities. He was the oldest and he knew that was what he was supposed to do, but on the other hand he was only 22 and wanted to enjoy his life without thinking. Not that he’d ever thought about quitting his life, he lived for hunting monsters and saving people, preferably pretty chicks.
Then he thought about the first time he and Sam slept in different beds, Sam was about fourteen and John thought he was getting too old to still be sleeping with Dean so he booked two twins instead of a king bed. Dean remembered how he felt like things were changing too fast but he also felt like a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders. He liked sleeping with his little brother, plus this way they saved a lot of money, but during the night when Sam got closer to Dean, even subconsciously, and they slept hugged, Dean couldn’t help but having wet dreams or an erection or both.
***
Mornings were always busy: Sam had to get ready for school, because he really cared about it, and Dean had to clean everything up before the cleaning ladies came into the room and found something odd. Sam and Dean woke up at 6.30 and did what they had to while John slept for another hour or two. Thankfully when he woke up Sam was already in school and Dean took John to grab a coffee to talk about the hunt, Dean had figured out that that was what made John drink so much the night before.
“So you’re gonna tell me what happened with that werewolf?”
John took a deep breath, images of what he did still very clear in his memory.
“Everything was fine. The thing is it was a child, Dean. She was turned into a werewolf about five months ago and she couldn’t control herself yet”
“You killed her?”
“I did. It was one of the hardest thing I’ve ever done. She was crying and begged me not to kill her and I almost gave up, but then I remembered what she did to that poor couple and I did what needed to be done”
“She was a child, dad. How could you kill her cold blooded like this? She could have learned to control herself!”
“You weren’t there, you didn’t see the corpses. It was like she enjoyed making the suffer before taking their heart”
Dean looked at John with disbelief, every time he thought that his father was becoming more understanding towards these creatures, he did something to prove Dean wrong.He surely understood why his father hated supernatural beings so much, he lost his mother but John lost his wife. But Dean thought that even these creatures needed to be comprehended and maybe listened to before killing them. That’s why he never really agreed with John’s rule “Shoot first, ask questions later”.
Do not tell Sam, I don’t want him to know what kind of person are you”
“Speaking of him, you need to tell him that we’re leaving in four days”
“So soon, I thought we would have stayed here at least till the end of the school year. It’s just three more weeks, you know that no other school will take him so close to the end of the year”
“Fine, you boys can stay here, while I’ll take care of a rugaru in Alabama. You know I won’t be able to keep in touch so I trust you on this Dean”
“I don’t need you to tell me this, you know I’ll take care of Sam”
***
John left exactly four days after that conversation with Dean and left the boys were on their own once more. Not that they complained, it was nice when it was just the two of them and nothing else to worry about – except for the monsters, but they followed the Winchesters everywhere, so not a big deal – it made things feel almost normal. Things seemed so much simpler when John and all his plans for revenge were not around. Sometimes it took a lot of patience to be around John.
Sam and Dean talked a lot about this and how their father really needed to overcome Mary’s death. This life-style wasn’t healthy for them and even less for their father. Every time John thought he was close to the yellow-eyed demon, he never really reached it. So what was the point in hunting this thing for so long forgetting about the important stuff in his sons’ lives? He wasn’t there to teach Sam how to ride a bike nor he was there for Dean when he graduated and he probably won’t be there for Sam’s graduation. At the end of the day it was always the two of them: Sam and Dean.