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Rodney stood just inside the entrance hall of McKay Park and watched as his father slowly climbed the stairs; a broken man. Jeannie's maid had already gathered her up and taken her to her bedchamber to disrobe, trying to console her. For a moment the house seemed still and silent, which after all the wailing in the carriage, was a blessed relief. It would be short lived though, for the family was ruined.
Most everything he could see around him now belonged to Lord John Sheppard - from the paintings to the very walls on which they hung. Not that he cared much for the frivolities of the upper classes and material possessions. As long as he had a roof over his head and someone at his beck and call to provide sustenance and new notebooks, then Rodney was content with his lot. He wanted to be the greatest mathematician since Euler, Lagrange and Fourier rather than a 'lord of the manor' or a fop at the King's court.
This situation would seriously hamper his expectations, and he might even be forced to find an occupation less befitting of a gentleman of his societal rank. Except his rank had fallen considerably with Lord Sheppard's disreputable actions in buying all of the McKay debt and demanding immediate repayment. Rodney knew they would be fortunate not to end up in Debtor's prison, but he had friends to call upon who, though not exceedingly rich nevertheless were comfortable.
Rodney knew this was Sheppard's method of gaining reparation for his father's deplorable actions in the past. Rodney did not know the full account, only that his father had called out Lord Patrick Sheppard on his adultery, causing great embarrassment in the King's court, without taking into account the delicate constitution of Lady Sheppard. It was said that, in mortification, she had run from the great house into an early winter storm. By the time the servants had found her and brought her home, she was greatly chilled and had taken to her bed, and that she had died soon after of the fevers, leaving her two sons motherless.
Rodney's father had shown no remorse at the loss of the boys' mother, only that he had failed in his malicious attempt to ruin Lord Sheppard reputation, continuing a feud between the two great families.
Rodney recalled his father's glee following the death of Lord Patrick Sheppard several months earlier, and how he had shown nothing but disdain for the heir, Lord John Sheppard.
A young whippersnapper, his father had called him. Inexperienced, overconfident and presumptuous despite the years spent as an officer on-board Lord Woolsey's finest ship, the Pegasus. Rodney knew only a little of the scandal surrounding the new Lord Sheppard; that the father had sought and been granted an annulment for his elder son's marriage at the tender age of nineteen years to a young girl with whom he had eloped.
He had not met John Sheppard until this day, but he had dreaded it from the moment his father had crowed about the young whippersnapper coming to him on bended knee - in the form of this unusual invitation. Rodney had tried to air his doubts to his father, having already overheard a rumor from one of the servants that some mischief was afoot. He wished his father had taken heed of his concerns, and his only regret now was that he had added to his family's embarrassment in attempting to dissuade Lord Sheppard from his intended path.
"How that man must be mocking me now," he murmured as he head into the library, sinking into a high-backed, wing chair.
Yet all Rodney could see was the tall, leanly muscled man with dark-hair styled in the latest flippant fashion - the frightened owl. A handsome man with eyes that challenged the colors of the room by changing from green to gold to brown and blue depending upon the light. Those eyes had at least seemed apologetic when it became obvious that Sheppard would not be turned from whatever path he had chosen to humiliate Rodney's father.
However, his remorse or regret would not place a dowry in the hands of the Millers, and nor would it allow Rodney the luxury of pursuing his passion of numbers and science.
"Sir, shall I start the fire in your bedchamber?"
"Yes, Grodin... but first, bring me a brandy," he ordered imperiously, snapping his fingers.
Rodney did not often indulge, as was his father's want, not wishing to lose the clarity of his thoughts through the imbibing of alcohol. He had allowed himself only a splash of Madeira and some Cordial water at the Reception at Sheppard Hall but this dire situation warranted intoxication. Grodin poured him his brandy and left the bottle close at hand but Rodney found he had no interest after the first few sips. He decided that he did not wish to cloud his mind and judgment despite the horrendous turn of this evening.
With a heavy heart, Rodney went to his bed, aware that soon he may no longer be able to indulge in a firm mattress, a clean bed and bed linens made from fine Egyptian cotton. That night he slept fitfully, unable to control the dreams that taunted him with images of the handsome Lord John Sheppard. Eventually, he gave up all pretense at sleep and disinterest, allowing himself to dwell on the beauty of the man, allowing his imagination to supply images of the firm body lying beneath the expensive silk breeches - still worn for formal occasions, the elaborately embroidered waistcoat and well tailored tail coat. His imagined these garments slowly removed until Sheppard was in a state of undress, sprawled across Rodney's bed in just a full white linen shirt and drawers, with his cravat hanging loose bout his neck, revealing his throat most provocatively. Just the thought of seeing Sheppard's bare skin was enough to bring that moment of sweet oblivion, but the feelings soured once he regained his senses after his solitary vice, as he dwelt longer on the man who had ruined his family.
"I'm doomed," he whispered into the darkness of his room.
***
Although Lord John Sheppard had called for immediate remuneration at the ball, he did not choose to collect on the debt owed on the following day. Instead, he seemed magnanimous in allowing the McKays to remain at McKay Park for the foreseeable future. Rodney wondered if he simply wished to show how magnanimous he could be, or if this was yet another show of cruelty with another blow yet to come.
Mutual acquaintances assured him that John Sheppard was not a mean and vindictive person, despite recent actions to the contrary, which made this situation all the more confusing. His father refused to speak to any man, not even his son to either confirm or deny the allegations that brought about their downfall.
When the Millers arrived several days later, his father was still non communicative so Rodney greeted them cordially even though he had expected no visit, assuming his family would be treated as social pariahs since the announcement. He anticipated the Millers formally retracting their offer of a union between their two houses. For this reason he had forbade Jeannie to accompany him to the drawing room.
"Oh, no, no, my boy. A benefactor, who has requested to remain anonymous, has provided a substantial dowry on your behalf, and we are here to finalize the arrangements for the impending nuptials."
"A benefactor?"
Rodney frowned because neither he nor his father had made but few friends over the years, and none with the wealth to pay a 'substantial dowry' on behalf of his sister. Yet there had to be more to the story for the Millers were within their rights to break off the engagement of their eldest son, and heir to the Miller fortunes, due to the McKays calamitous fall in social standing. Someone of rank and wealth had to be offering their condescension to counteract his father's disastrous turn of fortune.
Confused but unwilling to argue, if only to avoid unpleasant discourse with Jeannie who was besotted with the Miller's son, much to Rodney's irritation, for the man preferred literary works over factual, Rodney bowed in acceptance. As the conversation continued, Rodney managed to extract information from the talkative and pliant Millers that gave direction to the source of this anonymous benefactor. Barely could he keep his anger in check when it became apparent that it could be none other than Lord Sheppard himself, the cause of their downfall.
What game do you play, he thought angrily.
The Millers left once all the plans had been made for a small wedding to take place three days hence in the small chapel attached to the Miller property, since the Banns had been read these last weeks. He waited until they were no longer in sight before he ordered Grodin to make ready his horse - even though he loathed the uncomfortable, irritable beast. Rodney changed from the more fashionable trousers back into the buckskin breeches and knee-length riding boots that he favored when riding, and set out towards Sheppard Hall.
He was shown into the library and left to wait for the master of the house. Rodney put the time to good use as he looked along the shelves, occasionally pulling out a book that attracted his interest while restraining a sense of envy. His father's library was poor in comparison, holding mostly worthless literary titles purely for the sake of appearances rather than for the pursuit of knowledge. This library contained works that Rodney had only dreamed of reading.
Movement by the door drew his eyes away from the tome in his hand, and he startled at the sight of Lord Sheppard standing before him in fashionable trousers that clung to his legs like a second skin. His tailcoat was of dark blue, made far less somber by the colorful waistcoat in summer blue with elaborate patterns stitched in gold thread. His cravat was immaculately tied, and his hair fashionably styled in a way that appeared as if he had simply rolled out of bed and raked a hand through the dark strands.
Rodney wished he had also worn the more loosely fitting trousers for the tight buckskin made his arousal all the more obvious, so he was glad for the concealment afforded by the wing chair standing between them. He gave a short bow.
"Lord Sheppard, it has come to my attention that you have laid out a considerable sum of money to the Millers to pay for my sister's dowry."
Sheppard winced, obviously not expecting Rodney to have discovered his anonymous benefactor so quickly - if ever at all - and to be confronted so soon.
"Will you deny this, sir?" Rodney demanded.
Sheppard gave a one-shouldered shrug. "No."
That took Rodney aback, having determined that he might need to force Sheppard to a confession. Confused, he looked hard at the other man, trying to decide if there was some duplicity involved, or if Sheppard had an ulterior motive behind his solicitude. He knew Sheppard had taken no wife following his annulment at a young age, and whispers behind hands inferred that, like Rodney, Lord Sheppard preferred the attentions of men over women. Fortunately, the old laws that forbade such alliances had long since fallen aside so the rumors were more of concern for future progeny. However, the current Lord Sheppard had a younger brother whose wife had two daughters. Perhaps she would also one day provide a male heir.
"Then do you mean to make an indecent proposal towards me? Offering your condescension in return for salacious favors?"
Sheppard's eyes widened comically, and he had the decency to flush with embarrassment, but Rodney noticed that he did not deny Rodney's words outright. instead, he drew himself to full attention, head held high.
"What you really want to know is why."
"Yes, for it was most apparent that you did not regret your actions that last evening, nor the manner in which you took your action."
"True. I have no remorse for the ruining of your father by taking all his possessions and McKay Park." Rodney felt his anger growing and was about to speak up before Sheppard continued more softly. "But I was honest in my regret towards you, and your sister."
Rodney frowned, even more confused, recalling the whispered, "I'm sorry".
"When I had not yet made your acquaintance, that you should suffer ruin alongside your father held no interest to me." Sheppard licked his lower lip and Rodney could not help but focus on the pink tip of his tongue. "You showed my actions in a... different light, and though I could not stop what was already in motion, I... kind of felt obligated to make some reparation to you and your sister."
While talking, Sheppard stepped more fully into the library, closing the distance between them so gracefully that Rodney had barely noticed him move
"I do have... certain affections towards you, but I would never force myself upon you." He cleared his throat, looking a little uncomfortable. "However, I would request permission to... court you."
Stunned by this admission, Rodney was torn between his lustful desire for a man he had made the acquaintance of less than a week earlier, and the knowledge that this man had been instrumental in the ruin of his family name and good fortune. If he agreed then he might be seen in an ungracious light by those of his acquaintance, as a man chasing after the Sheppard family fortune. Yet if he disagreed then he would be impoverished and forced to seek employment in either the military or in the clergy in order to support himself and his destitute father, or throw himself upon the mercy of his friends.
Neither option was ideal.
"Rodney," Sheppard whispered his name hoarsely, and Rodney's insides twisted in desire so strong that he could feel a manly swoon come over him.
It was reckless and it was madness but he had wanted John Sheppard from the moment their eyes had met, and Sheppard's wry, charming smile curling upon his perfect lips proved Rodney had already given his agreement subconsciously, in a language without words; by the flush of his face and the dilation of his pupils.
He sighed and nodded, almost grateful that there was no need for a chaperone between courting men as Sheppard laid a proprietary hand on his arm.
He had made his choice. He had chosen to be courted by Lord Sheppard, and he could only hope that his father would not disown him for that choice.
END
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