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Johnny knew he would never have him. Someone like Ten: well known, pretty, kind, Johnny could go on honestly– would never bother to be with someone like Johnny. Johnny just wasn’t his type. And Johnny knew that better than his own name but that wasn’t enough to stop him from falling for him. Besides, even if Johnny was his type, there would always be someone better. It wasn’t just Johnny on the Ten train, as his friends called it, it felt like the entirety of their school was head over heels for Ten. Ten was kind, had good grades, threw nice parties (not that Johnny’s ever been since it was invitation only), he dressed nice, the list was endless.
What was there not to like about Ten? He couldn’t find anyone who’d be able to give him an answer. Even the people who ‘hate’ him just for the sole purpose of being edgy don’t have a reason. Ten was on the edge of perfect… and Johnny was not. He was lanky, sure he had muscle on him but with the way he prefers to dress, you wouldn’t think so. He had acne still, he wore glasses, and sometimes his voice cracks. He used to think all these ‘flaws’ were okay but after hearing that he’s just a waste of space so many times, he couldn’t bother to think highly of himself anymore.
Confidence had always been his problem anyways. His friends always tried to convince him that he’s not as bad as he makes himself out to be but to no avail. The only he’d ever think he’s worth it is if the one person who wants attention from gives it to him. Johnny hated the spotlight, he hated being the center of attention. He was always noticeable because of his height (he was a 5’6 13 year old at one point while everyone was stuck at 4’11) and from there, it just got frustrating to him when people look at him. Thank God when he got to college, all that changed. No one did as much as spare him a glance by the second semester of their first year.
Now in his second year, he’s realized there’s nothing different about college from high school. It’s just the same, if not worse. Moving from high school to college was glorified as one of the hardest things someone could ever do in their life but Johnny had more than pleasure leaving high school. Things were different back then but one thing that’s stayed the same that he’s grateful for, are his friends.
His best friends, Mark, Jaehyun and Doyoung, haven’t left since Johnny came to know them. Jaehyun and Doyoung, he’s known since middle school. Those two watched him grow up, or maybe he watched them grow up (you know, since he’s older.) Their personalities were quite different and they grew up with people questioning how they could possibly be friends. They didn’t pay any mind to it at all, charging through life till this moment as friends.
They did have a pact where it would just be them three for all of eternity, it lasted three years, then Johnny met Mark during a babysitting gig. Johnny had babysitted a couple times before Mark, but he had no doubts that it would be easy since Mark was 15 at the time. He did question why a 15 year old needed to be babysat but he shut up, because if he declined it, he’d be questioning why he didn’t have $500 in his pocket.
Him and Mark bonded really well the four hours they were left alone at Mark’s large house. Johnny didn’t expect much from Mark, except for him to be like him when he was 15, annoying and rude. When he wasn’t, Johnny was internally thankful. He wasn’t sure why he thought a four year age difference would be so much to him but he underestimated how mature Mark would be. They were exactly the same. Johnny enjoyed Mark’s presence and vice versa, hence they became friends. Six months later, on Mark’s 16th birthday, Johnny was invited to his party and he brought Jaehyun and Doyoung along. The rest is history.
So they renewed that pact, the four of them for eternity. No petty arguments, no secrets, no girls (or boys), no moving without at least 5 bro hangouts. The pact was left unbroken for another year, then Mark broke it. He broke it when he confessed to them all that he had a crush on an exchange student in his class named that had three names. They would’ve been mad for longer than three seconds, but thanks to Doyoung’s quick wit, they realized they could use this new information to tease Mark. When Johnny discovered how to make a ship name, Mark nearly went three not shot without being referred to by his actual name (Wong Mark, Huang Mark, Markhei, Marcus, the list was infinite.)
Then they slipped up. They called Mark ‘Markhei’ in front of the ‘Hei’ part of the name, the one time Mark had enough courage to ask the older to sit with them at lunch. It wasn’t bad though, when Yukhei asked what it meant and the three tried to cover up their tracks at the same time as Mark confessed. Of course, Yukhei heard Mark over the others. That day, Johnny, Jaehyun, and Doyoung witnessed Mark ask out his first boyfriend. Now when Mark tries to call them out on that moment, they retaliate by pulling up the (millions of) receipts they have of Mark fanboying over his still boyfriend.
The pact broke again, since Yukhei became apart of their crew. It would’ve seemed awkward, since there’s a couple in the crew now but honestly, it was almost like Mark and Yukhei weren’t together. You’d think they were best friends, yeah they were touchy, but they never kissed and their couple names were insulting things like Buttface and Ass Chewer (to this day they won’t let it go and Yukhei is Ass Chewer in all of their phones.) So maybe the pact didn’t really break, but they tweaked it nonetheless. No petty arguments, no secrets, no moving with at least 5 bro hangouts, and no matter what, stay bros forever. So now, you could be a bro with a significant other.
Johnny didn’t have to worry about breaking it. His first and only girlfriend was in 7th grade, and their first and second dates were enough to turn him gay for the rest of his life. He does find girls attractive still but he’d never date one again.
It wasn’t some secret that he wasn’t straight, as majority of the staff and student body weren’t either, including their asexual principal. To meet a straight person around here was a rare occurrence. People lusted over Johnny regardless, but he wasn’t looking for a relationship then. He still isn’t. Maybe, he is. He’s not sure: does daydreaming about what it would be like to take Ten on a nice date count as wanting a relationship?
Johnny didn’t want to think about it. He’s never really had it it this bad before. There wasn’t anyone he could ask, sure his friends tease his very being when Ten is in the vicinity but he knows he can trust them to be serious when he needs them to be. It’s just harder now, yet he doesn’t know why.