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"Close it," Steve choked out. He couldn't watch. His eyes dipped down to the ground, fixing on a crushed soda can lying in the messy street, but as the dark shadow from the portal disappeared, Steve found he had to see. Had to know. The portal slipped shut, the rift in the sky repaired as if it had never been there, but Steve felt that same wound slash open in his gut instead, tearing roughly through his heart, his lungs, his bones.
Tony was gone.
The aliens around them fell to the ground, their puppet strings cut, and Steve fell with them, slipping to his knees in the debris-strewn street. "He didn't make it," he breathed.
A heavy hand landed on his shoulder. "He saved us all," Thor said.
But he hadn't. He'd saved everyone else and destroyed Steve in the process. Two lives traded for nine million. Surely that was a fair exchange.
It didn't feel fair.
When Steve didn't move, Thor lifted him to his feet, as easily as if he were made of the delicate filigree he felt like he was made of. Ready to snap at any moment, if only Thor squeezed too hard. If only he would.
"What is the status?!" Fury was yelling through the comm, and Steve shook himself.
"We're clear," he all but growled. "Ton- Iron Man took the nuke through the wormhole. The Chitauri are dead."
"We won," Natasha added, breathlessly.
Steve wondered if his wins would ever stop feeling like losses.
Steve looked around the room they'd set him up in. It was larger than where he'd woken, with an attached bathroom and a kitchenette. They'd given up on bothering with the 40s aesthetic, but the room was clinical and bare in a way that defied time.
2012…
He was almost seventy years in the future. It was late enough that the sun had gone down, though the lights of the city meant it was still bright in his room. He sat on the bed and faced the wall opposite the window, watching the shadows play across the drab, off-white paint.
He'd died - Steve Rogers died in the ice - but Fury told him the world still needed Captain America. And the serum still charged through his veins, so Steve supposed he could be that for them, if they needed it. He was a good soldier; he'd fight.
The good man, though? He might have frozen for good.
Steve jolted his head up at the sound of footsteps down the hall. They were soft and light, but his super-powered hearing picked them out easily. It wasn't a guard or a doctor - it was too late for that anyway - but the person was moving slowly and carefully, as if afraid of being caught.
Steve lifted his shield from where it leaned against his bed and slipped across the room to stand by the door. Under the ever pervasive hum of electronics, he could hear the intruder shuffle from door to door before stopping in front of his.
Steve raised his shield.
The doorknob wriggled - locked, but after a moment and some slight clicking, it popped open. The door swung in, and Steve darted out a hand, grabbing the intruder and dragging them into the room.
"Ah!" The intruder's hands went up in surrender, and Steve twisted him into the light with a handful of the front of his shirt.
The man had dark hair, tucked under a dark baseball hat, huge, brown eyes, extra wide with fright, and a perfectly-trimmed goatee. He - he reminded Steve of -
"Howard?" He wasn't, but there was something undeniably -
The man's expression shuttered closed then snapped wide open again, something missing this time. "Tony, actually. Howard was my old man. And you must be, well, Captain America. Jesus. Fourteen-year-old me is pissing himself right now, gotta say. Did Coulson already get an autograph? Cause I'd kill to be the first in the 21-century, if not."
"I -" Steve let go of the man's shirt, more out of surprise than anything else, and, now free, he turned in a circle, taking in the sparse space.
"Are you staying here?" His lip curled up. "Yikes."
"What?" The single-word question seemed to encompass everything Steve was feeling in the moment.
"Tony Stark." The man - Tony, apparently - shoved a hand in Steve's direction, and he took it purely on instinct. Tony's hand was surprisingly warm and well-calloused. Steve took the chance to take him in. He was wearing a dark zippered sweatshirt over a white button-up dress shirt. Steve could see the knot of a tie, loose around his neck, his top button undone. He was wearing jeans underneath and bright red, high-top sneakers. He bounced on the balls of his feet like he found it hard to stay still. Something he'd mentioned clicked into place. "You're Howard Stark's son."
"In the flesh." Tony's expression tightened, and he turned into the shadows again, poking at the hot plate in Steve's little kitchenette. "What have you been living off of, ramen and pizza pops?" He opened the - empty - fridge and frowned.
"SHIELD has a mess hall," Steve said, feeling like the conversation was going about forty miles per hour faster than he was. "Sorry, why are you breaking into my room in the middle of the night?"
"Because there are too many guards during the day," Tony said, shooting a bright grin his way.
Steve blinked at him. "I have no idea what's happening right now."
Tony leaned a hip against the wall, crossed his arms, and stretched his grin wider, his eyes lighting up. "And isn't it great?"
Steve's feet were as heavy as lead as he dragged them into the elevator at Stark Tower. JARVIS stayed silent but the elevator doors closed and he rocketed up ninety-three stories to the penthouse.
It was quiet and dark up there - too dark. There was an empty glass and a half-full coffee mug on the table in the living room. Steve picked the mug up on autopilot, crossing the room to dump it in the bar sink and rinse it out. There was a panel of glass missing, smashed all over the floor, from where Loki had flung Tony out of the tower.
He'd survived that, only to -
Steve choked on a large lump in his throat and braced his hands against the edge of the counter, sucking in what little breath he could manage. He hated the future, the universe, Captain America, that fucking shield -
They should have left him in the ice. They should have let him die. To give him this, for so short a time, and then rip it away again? It was cruel. Well, that was it. They wanted their hero and they'd had him. Used him, used him up. Now Captain America was as dead as Steve Rogers, the tiny sprout Tony had coaxed back to life over the past two weeks stomped flat in one, horrible heartbeat.
The rest of the world had cheered while Steve had split down the middle.
He didn't realize he was sobbing until his tears tracked down over his jaw, tickling, before they splashed onto the counter. He gave in, crumpling to the floor in a wretched heap, grief pouring from him in an unstemmable torrent.
When he was so dehydrated that his wracking sobs produced no more tears, he sunk back against the bar and tried to steady his breathing.
"Captain Rogers?" JARVIS asked softly.
"JARVIS - I - I'm glad you're still working."
"Indeed, sir. I'm still fully functional." Even with Tony gone, was tacked silently on the end, and Steve shuddered straight to his toes, suddenly freezing. The broken glass let the wind whip inside and steal what little heat he'd had the energy to produce. Maybe he'd freeze again, right here in Tony's penthouse. Maybe they wouldn't come looking for him this time.
"Captain?"
"What?" Steve shook himself, focusing carefully on JARVIS's words.
"Mr. Stark, he - he left a recording, sir. During the… flight. For you."
Steve's heart seized up painfully in his chest. "What? He - oh god."
"Shall I play it, sir?"
"Will - it won't disappear, right? You have it saved?"
"Yes, of course, sir."
Steve took a shaky breath and let his eyes slip closed, his lids feeling like sandpaper over his swollen, dry eyes. "Okay…"
Tony's voice filled the room and another sob rattled up Steve's throat.
"Hey, Steve. Look, the math, it's - uh - it's not in my favour. I didn't want to say this to everyone and I couldn't get your comm on a private line so, uh, JARVIS is going to play this for you if I don't, uh, yeah.
"I just wanted you to know that -"
"Stop!" Steve choked out, and Tony's voice cut out immediately. Steve's ribs felt like they were twisting inward, stabbing into his lungs and heart. "I - I can't. JARVIS, please. I can't -"
"Of course, sir. I will save it for you. Whenever you're ready," JARVIS said kindly.
Steve sat on the floor for a long time, the room silent except for the whistle of the wind. Tony's voice in the room, like he was still here, just around the corner, about to appear at any moment, it was too much. But he wanted his message, wanted it desperately and hated it at the same time. "Can you -?" Steve tried, his voice failing him the first time. "Can you print it out for me? So I can read it?"
"Of course, sir. If you proceed to the study at the end of the hall, you'll find a printout there of Mr. Stark's message."
"Thank you."
Steve didn't move. "JARVIS? I… I'm sorry."
JARVIS paused in a distinctly human way. "I'm sorry too, Captain Rogers."
Steve pushed himself to his feet, realizing that he was still in his uniform, caked in dirt and blood. He shedded it as he walked, leaving a breadcrumb trail of clothing behind him as he wandered down the hall. It was a painful mockery of a similar trail, this time only made up by one set of clothes.
The stack of paper was sitting on the printer, and Steve tugged it off without looking. He made his way to Tony's bedroom and threw the door open. The sheets were still rumpled and one of Steve's socks peeked out from under the chair in the corner. It was warmer here; perhaps JARVIS had turned up the heat. He crawled in Tony's bed, naked, dirty but not caring, and breathed in the scent of Tony from the pillow.
A soft light from the corner- not blue enough and too far from his grasp - let him open the folded papers and start to read.
Hey, Steve.
Look the math, it's - uh - it's not in my favour. I didn't want to say this to everyone and I couldn't get your comm on a private line so, uh, JARVIS is going to play this for you if I don't, uh, yeah.
I just wanted you to know that I had more fun this past month than I think I've ever had before. I knew I was going to be meeting my idol, but it never occurred to me that I might be busting into SHIELD to meet my soulmate instead. But it felt like that. You were so easy <laughter> I mean <snort> you were actually the opposite of easy. You made me work for it. But I like that, when it's you, apparently.
Anyway. I know we didn't really know each other that well yet, or at least not that long - cause it felt like I knew you really well after about two hours - but, yeah, if I was the kind of person to believe in soulmates or whatever, you'd be on the shortlist for mine.
God, that feels silly to say <laughter> but it's true. So. Well. Steve.
Steve.
Steve flipped the note over, far from the end. He didn't need the recording to know exactly how Tony would have said his name. He burrowed his face in the pillow and let it play in his mind over and over.
Steve.
"Steve?"
"What?"
"You zoned out for a bit there, bud."
Steve sunk back on the edge of his bed, accepting that Tony wasn't there to hurt him. "I'm just trying to figure out why you're here."
Tony shrugged. He picked up a decorative paperweight off the table, one of the few frivolous things they'd added to room, and rolled it between his fingers. "Just wanted to meet you?"
"Why?"
Tony's fingers stilled. His brow furrowed in confusion. "You're Captain America," he said, as if that answered the question. "Who wouldn't want to meet you?"
"You're Howard Stark's son," Steve repeated, trying to find meaning in the one connection he understood.
Tony shrugged again. "Well, yeah. I remember him looking for you. He was obsessed with finding you. He - uh - I mean maybe you don't know this, but he died… about twenty years ago."
"Oh. I'm sorry."
"Sorrier for you. He was more of a friend to you than he was ever a father to me."
Steve stared at Tony. "I - We were never that close, actually. I mean, we were in the war together, but we weren't exactly friends."
Tony's grin twisted wry, old pain flickering at the edges. "I stand by my statement. Anyway, I'm not the only one who would want to meet Captain America. Pretty much any kid since the fifties would want to shake your hand. You were the perfect comic book hero because you were real. Made you seem touchable or something." Tony reached out with a finger and poked Steve's shoulder then giggled.
"Are you drunk?"
Tony laughed outright at that. "Okay, now I know you knew my father. Nah, I'm not drunk, just excited."
Steve frowned down at the carpet, fingers twisting together then untwisting. "I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I'm really not that interesting. I will give you that autograph though, if you want."
Tony fell silent, seemingly for the first time since he'd arrive. "Hey, Steve?"
"Yeah?"
"Want to get out of here?"
Steve flicked his eyes up. "What?"
"Want to go somewhere fun? Or at least funner than this. I get the distinct impression they're not letting you off-leash much here. Fury was always more obsessed with protecting an asset than giving people their freedom." Tony waved a thin black box - a phone. "I can get you out of here."
"Why?"
"Why?" Tony echoed, brow furrowing. "I -" He stepped closer, leaning down a bit to peer at Steve's face. "Are you okay, man?"
No one had asked him that. He'd talked to countless SHIELD agents and administrators, doctors, scientists, people he didn't even know why they were there, and no one had just asked him if he was okay. He blinked stupidly at Tony for a moment then, "I have no idea," spilled out of his mouth.
"Well, shit." Tony leaned back, crossing his arms again. He tapped a foot on the floor. "All the more reason to go for a joy ride?"
Steve agreed, almost more out of sheer curiosity than anything else. But sure enough, Tony got both of them out of the building as easily as it seemed he'd come in. It turned out he really was talking about a joy ride. He had the flashiest car Steve had ever seen waiting - somehow unbothered - in a no parking zone, and he ushered Steve in right away and took to the street. He plowed right out of the city and onto a back country road. It was dark, but warm, and Tony pressed a button which made the hard top of the car slide off and disappear into the trunk. The warm summer air whipped through Steve's hair.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Tony asked, after almost an hour had passed in silence.
"About what?"
Tony shot him a look. "Anything."
"I - I don't know."
The car curved around another bend with unwavering confidence. "So… what? They forget to thaw your feelings too?"
Steve grimaced. "Maybe. Something like that."
"Nothing but logic left, Mr. Spock," Tony smiled. Steve could tell it was supposed to be a joke, but it felt all too real to him.
"I don't know who that is."
"You haven't watched Star Trek yet? Jesus, what have they showed you?"
"I have a set of encyclopedias. That's pretty much it. The doctors think I should take it slow." Steve looked out the window and watched the mile markers flick by as Tony powered down the highway, well over the speed limit.
"Bullshit!" Tony reached back, making Steve's hand clench on the door handle as the car wobbled, and he rummaged around until he came up with a thin black box, like his phone but much larger. He handed it to Steve.
"What's this?"
"It's a tablet. Power button is top right. Turn it on."
Steve turned it on and watched a logo flash across the screen. Tony talked him through navigating to a website called Wikipedia. He knew about the internet, had seen people use their phones to access it, but no one had ever let him play with a device like this before. "Now what?"
"Type in something you want to learn about. I've read your files, Steve. I know you're a brilliant learner. You'll figure it out."
Steve watched him drive for a while then dropped his eyes back to the tablet.
Tony Stark he typed into the site. A long page popped up with a huge amount of information. "Wow."
Tony glanced over and laughed. "Ah, shit. If you wanted to know that, you could just ask me, you know. Lots of stuff they don't get right in there."
"Oh yeah? So you didn't pose nude in an issue of 'Playgirl' magazine?"
Tony smirked at the road, and Steve smiled along. It felt like some rust cracked and flaked off as he curved his lips up. "Oh no, that bit's true."
Steve scrolled down further and there was an image of Tony at a press conference above a caption that said I am Iron Man. Several things clicked into place. "You're involved in the Avengers initiative."
"Oh, so Fury didn't show you the best science fiction show of all time, but he's already got you on this Avengers shit." Tony snorted. "Now that's a story…"
Steve looked out at the dark road. "Well, I've got time."
So Tony told him. He told him about his company, his childhood. He told him about Afghanistan and Yinsen and Iron Man. He told him about Obadiah Stane. He held nothing back, it seemed, an open book. Once he started, words poured out of him, and Steve listened.
When Tony finally fell quiet, it was easy for Steve to fill the quiet night instead. He told Tony about enlisting over and over, and Project Rebirth - how it had hurt, how he whacked his elbows on every doorway for about a month after. He told him about Bucky and the train, Peggy and the plane. He told him about the cold and the pain and waking up long before he was warm again.
And Tony listened.
Steve suddenly realized they'd been sitting outside the SHIELD HQ for over an hour, just talking. "I should go back in."
Tony shifted in his seat, giving Steve a considering look. His eyes were bright with something Steve didn't recognize. "Can I come again tomorrow night?"
"Don't you have to sleep?"
Tony shrugged. "I'll sleep when I'm dead. What about you?"
Steve shrugged too. "I just slept for seventy years."
"See you tomorrow, then." Tony shot him another one of his brilliant grins as Steve climbed out of the car. He watched Tony pull away into the growing dawn.
Steve woke to the grating scream of his SHIELD phone. He tumbled out of bed and found it in the pocket of his uniform pants, halfway down the hall. He stood there staring at it, in the dim light of early dawn, naked in Tony's cold, empty penthouse.
Knowing he couldn't ignore it, but unable to press answer, the call eventually went to voicemail, and Steve remained there, unmoving, watching the notifications pop up.
1 missed call
1 new voicemail
1 new text
Fury: Where the hell are you, Cap?
Steve stared down at the words on his phone. He should text back, tell them he'd be in shortly. He should shower and change and go back to SHIELD and say "yes, sir," and "what's next?" but he just….
Couldn't.
Steve: I'm taking a leave of absence.
It was something Tony had always said he was going to do. Take a leave of absence from SI, travel, party, finally read all of Bridget Jones' Diary in one go. He'd said it would be nice to be free.
He'd rolled down his window as they drove through the rain, stuck his hand out, laughing, and said it would be nicer if he had someone to be free with.
Steve turned his phone off before he could get a reply and made his way into the bathroom. He cleaned up in Tony's opulent shower, scrubbing himself with Tony's body wash until he smelled like him, until the battle washed down the drain, until his skin was pink and raw.
Steve opened every dresser drawer and closet door and stared at Tony's vast collection of clothes. His uniform was still spread over the floor, but Steve made no move to tidy it. He found a sweatshirt from Tony's college days that must have been much, much too big for him because the sleeves came down to Steve's wrists and when he stretched up it didn't bare his stomach. He matched it with a pair of sweatpants. The apartment was still cold, and as soon as he was bundled up in the heavy clothing, Steve shuddered, realizing just how chilled he was, even after his hot shower.
"Might I recommend eating something, sir?" JARVIS said softly.
Steve crawled back into bed and pulled the covers up. "I'm not hungry."
His throat burned, his head ached. He was dehydrated, but the glass by the bedside was empty, and he didn't have the energy to refill it. He shoved his hand under the pillow and found Tony's message again. He unfolded it and continued reading where he had left off.
Steve.
I had the time of my life with you, the last few months. Honestly, what a fucking ball. And not just because you are a goddamn tiger in the sack, Rogers.
Steve snorted with laughter. He burrowed deeper into the sheets that still smelled like them. He could feel the ghost of Tony's arms around him, the echo of their laughter as they rolled together, sneaking touches and kisses.
But because you're the best person I know. When I was a kid, and madly in love with Captain America, I always knew he was a bit "done up," you know? Idealized. So when I knew I was going to meet you, I prepared myself to be a bit disappointed. Don't meet your heroes and all that.
But you were better than I expected. Because you were real. Strong and smart and sure. But human too. Funny and sarcastic and a bit goofy. Also with a self-righteous streak a mile wide. And that's what made all of this so perfect.
Steve dropped the letter, wiping his face on the pillow for a moment, breathing shaky. Instead of reading more, he turned his phone back on, guilt twisting his stomach into knots. There was only one text notification.
Fury: Understood.
Fury knew. That was the only explanation for the complete lack of questions. Fury knew that Tony had been breaking in every night to take Steve out and show him the 21st-century. Pain clenched Steve's throat shut again, and he choked a dry sob back down. He was too cried out to cry anymore, too shattered to break anymore.
And Tony was right, they hadn't known each other very long, but Steve had lost Peggy, Bucky, now Tony, all in the last six months for him. He had thought this fresh start was a chance for something, something he'd never had before. Tony had felt like possibility.
But he'd been taken away too, just like everything else.
Not take away, thrown away. "I killed him," Steve gasped out into his pillow. "It's my fault he's gone."
"That's not true," JARVIS said. "I knew Mr. Stark exceedingly well, and I can assure you, there's no chance he'd allow that to happen, Captain. He never let anyone make him do anything he didn't want to."
"I made the call to close it."
"You made the call you had to, Captain. You saved New York. You and Mr. Stark, together."
"Yeah?" Steve rolled on his back and stared at Tony's ceiling. He scoffed petulantly. "Well, maybe I'm done with making the sacrifice play."
Steve shuffled on the blanket, wriggling around until his back was settled into a nice dip in the concrete.
"Stop squirming, Rogers." Tony said, with laughter in his voice.
"You're the one who thought stargazing on the roof of a ninety-three-storey building was a good idea, Stark."
"Shut up. It's awesome. Look."
Steve sighted along Tony's arm, leaning in towards him until he could feel the tickle of Tony's hair against his cheek. "Which one's that?"
"That's DUM-E," Tony said matter-of-factly.
Steve snorted. "They did not name a constellation after your robot."
"You were asleep for seventy years, what do you know?"
"I know that."
"You were supposed to be all naive and gullible and easy to fool, but you're distressingly astute for a Capsicle."
"I read your SHIELD file and decided the safest bet was to ignore everything you said."
Tony laughed, his shaking shoulder brushing against Steve's. "You're the worst. I regret this whole endeavor. I should never have busted you out."
Steve turned a little, until he caught sight of Tony's face, electric and glowing in the blue light from his chest. "I'm glad you did," he said honestly. It seemed all he had to look forward to these days were the nights when Tony appeared in his room with an adventurous glint in his eye. To his delight, it turned out to be more nights than not.
"Then you say shit like that," Tony said with a scoff, but Steve could see the smile teasing at the corner of his mouth.
Steve turned back to the stars and they lay in silence for a while. It was probably the stillest Tony had been since they'd met. "It seems like there are fewer of them," Steve finally said, after considering the night sky for a while.
"Light pollution," Tony replied.
"What?"
"Light pollution, from the city. It makes it harder to see them, especially the fainter ones. The brighter the city gets, the worse the light pollution, the fewer stars there are."
"Oh." Steve reached over and spread his palm over Tony's chest, blocking out the glow from the reactor.
Tony burst into laughter again, one hand landing on Steve's wrist, as if he wanted to keep him there. "Sure, that'll make a big difference. Oh look! Now you can see my favourite constellation: Steve Rogers Is a Huge Ass."
"That doesn't sound like one they teach in school." Steve turned on the blanket, staring at the side of Tony's face until he turned too.
"Nah… it's a special one. Advanced astrophysics classes only. But they spend a whole semester on it, on account of it being so important."
"Sure…" Steve's train of thought turned at a junction and drifted along down the wrong set of tracks completely. Tony's face was cast in shadows that split him up like an impressionist painting. It was so dark and close here, the two of them in the night.
"So… two months in the future," Tony said. "How's it been?" He swallowed, and Steve watched his throat bob, shifting closer, one millimeter at a time. Tony was moving closer too.
"Amazing," Steve breathed. "And I feel like it's about to get even better."
Tony hummed, but before he could speak, Steve rolled up onto his shoulder and pressed him down into the blankets with a firm kiss. Tony's arms snaked around his neck and tugged him even closer, his leg bending at the knee until Steve was caught in the cage of his body.
Tony was warm in the cool wind of the roof, and his fingers carded up through Steve's hair, making him shiver. Tony parted his lips and licked against the seam of Steve's urging their tongues to find each other. Steve had so little experience, but he had no brain power left to be embarrassed; everything was Tony, warmth and softness and the vibrating thrum deep in Steve's stomach that promised amazing things.
Steve broke the kiss but couldn't move away any more than an inch. "This is probably a bad idea," he murmured. "I just rose from the dead, after all."
Tony grinned, his fingers teasing up under the hem of Steve's shirt. "I think this is a brilliant idea. You just lost everything. You need a rebound, Rogers. I give great rebound." He winked.
Steve laughed then pressed a kiss to Tony's forehead. "I think the problem might be that this doesn't feel anything like a rebound."
Tony's smile was bright enough that even more of the stars were probably obscured by his glow. He tugged Steve back down in his arms and kissed him silly.
Rhodey was on his way into town, and so was Pepper. JARVIS had warned him. So Steve took the opportunity to look through some of Tony's things before those who had the real claim on him showed up.
He sat in his office, flipping through a box of bits and pieces Tony had saved, mourning with every new object that they didn't get a chance to pour over these memories together. Just like with Peggy, there was a whole future of possibility that was snatched away in an instant. Only this time Tony hadn't managed to live his life without Steve. He was dead, and Steve would never even get the closure of saying goodbye, of knowing Tony had been happy, even without him.
Steve's phone started screeching again, but it wasn't SHIELD this time, it was Natasha. He answered, regretting it as his finger was pushing the button.
"Steve?"
"Nat. You okay?"
"I'm alright. Everyone's worried about you, though. You disappeared, and then Fury said you wouldn't be coming in for a while. I wanted to check on you."
"Thanks." Steve knew it sounded tight, insincere, "I just needed a little break, that's all."
"They're having a service," she said. "For Coulson and Stark."
Steve knew he should go. He should wear a dark suit and bow his head and pretend losing Tony wasn't the last straw that crumpled him to the floor. But it was.
"I can't go."
Nat made a noise of surprise. "What's wrong?"
"I told you. I need a break. I just woke up and - fuck, Nat. I don't -" Steve broke off, his lungs constricting until he could barely suck in a breath.
"Okay. It's okay, Steve. You don't have to go." She fell silent while he struggled to breathe, back braced against Tony's filing cabinet. "Is this about Tony?"
"I -" Somehow everything was about Tony.
"You barely knew him."
Steve's jaw clenched tight enough to break a lesser man's teeth, her words whip-hard enough to break a stronger man's heart. "He was our teammate. My friend."
"I know." Nat breathed out a heavy sigh. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I just don't want you to blame yourself for this. If you're at home punishing yourself for something that wasn't your -"
"We were together," Steve blurted out. "Tony and I. Before Loki. We were together."
There was a long beat of silence. "Oh god… Steve. I had no idea. I didn't know you even knew each other outside of the Avengers."
"No one knew. We kept it a secret. I - No one knew…"
"I'm so sorry." Her voice broke, and Steve wished he'd trusted her with this confidence earlier.
"Nat, I just need some time to figure things out, okay? Can you cover for me with the others?"
"Of course."
"Thank you."
"If you need anything, you'll call me, right? Anything."
"I will. Thank you, Natasha."
She hung up, and Steve tilted back until his head hit the metal of the filing cabinet. He couldn't do this anymore. He dropped his phone and stood, walking out of the office and straight to the stairs. He climbed all the way up to the door to the roof and stepped out. Loki's machine was still there, but in the other corner was the little pile of blankets he and Tony had abandoned the night before on their way too bed.
Steve laid them out, stacked on top of each other, then stretched out on top of them, eyes fixed on the night sky. He took his earbuds out of his pocket and plugged them into his phone then tucked them into his ears.
He hit play on Tony's message, holding it together until it reached the part he hadn't heard before.
"Don't blame yourself, alright? I know you're going to anyway, but I have to say it. This is a good way to go - saving people - you know all about that, right? You were my hero, growing up. Never thought I'd get a chance to sacrifice myself to save the world like you did. Maybe we really are soulmates…
"But don't worry about me. I'll be catching up on all that sleep you owe me." He snorted. "You're going to be so pissed I made that joke."
"You are so right," Steve murmured.
"Oh well, I'm dead, nothing you can do about it!" A pause. "You're going to be even more pissed about that one."
Something that was half-sob, half-laugh crawled out of Steve's throat and burst into something wretched and painful and so deeply in love. "You asshole," he choked out. "You were all I had here. How dare you." Tears spilled from his eyes again, and Steve rolled on his side, crying without trying to hold it back this time. There was no one to see him up here but the stars, slowly blinking out as the lights of the city became an overwhelming force to shine through.
Steve woke up slowly at first and then in a wild shock. "Shit!"
Tony jolted awake next to him, dumping sheets off the bed. "Wha-?"
"I'm supposed to be at SHIELD! Tony, it's like seven in the morning. Fury's going to catch me. Shit, shit, shit." Steve twisted his way out of the rest of the sheets and tumbled out of bed. Tony rolled onto the edge and snagged his hip, drawing him back towards him.
"Mmm, Fury can wait. It's my turn."
"Think you had plenty of turns last night," Steve said with a cheeky grin, but he let himself be drawn into a kiss as Tony rose up to his knees on the bed. His hands wandered down Steve's back.
"You know," Tony mused. "It's nice to be the one making someone else late for work for once."
Steve pulled away long enough to wriggle into his pants, but he didn't even have them done up before Tony hooked a belt loop and pulled him close again. "Tony I have to go," he said, laughing now.
"I'm sick of you leaving when the sun comes up," Tony muttered, too petulant to quite manage joking.
"Me too." Steve brushed his thumb along Tony's jaw. "You know I'm serious about this, right? About us?"
"Then stay." Tony ran his hand flat down Steve's chest, erupting goosebumps in his wake. "Show me how serious you are, hot stuff."
"I'm serious enough to want to tell Fury properly, soon. Instead of him catching us sneaking around."
Tony rolled his eyes but with affection. He sat back on his heels, fingers still hooked through Steve's belt loops. "I hate when you're all rational and romantic and shit."
"But for now," Steve said, interrupting himself with a volley of kisses, "you can finally call me." He waved the phone SHIELD had given him the day before then tucked it in his back pocket.
"Isn't that phone for SHIELD business only?"
Steve grinned. "You are SHIELD business, Mr. Iron Man."
"Well, in that case…" Tony wrapped his arms around Steve's waist and tugged him back onto the bed, climbing on top of him and drawing a line of heated kisses down his neck. "You'd better get to work."
It was nearly half an hour before Steve found the strength to extricate himself from Tony's bed, which meant that when he finally arrived at the SHIELD HQ, it was bustling with people. Steve shuffled through the ground, keeping his head down and smiling politely at everyone who recognized him. He was so screwed. There was no way not a single agent had come by Steve's rooms and alerted to Fury that he wasn't there.
Steve hustled down the hallway and through the thumbprint coded door into high security. He turned the corner, trotted up a flight of stairs and was just about to slip down the hall to his door when -
"Rogers!"
Steve froze. He turned to see Fury and several other agents, including Romanoff, marching down the hallway towards him. Shit. "Yes, sir?" Bucky always said his playing dumb was so convincing, most of the time he suspected he really was that dumb, but as Fury drew closer, Steve realized the crease between his eyebrows was too deep to be worried about Steve spending his nights on 500-count Egyptian cotton instead of SHIELD-issued poly-blend.
"We have a situation." Fury stopped in front of him and sighed. He held out a folder.
On top of it was a picture of the glowing blue cube that had gone down into the ocean with him.
HYDRA's secret weapon.
"I was there, you know, ready to fall, falling, whatever. For you, that is. God, that probably makes it worse, doesn't it? But I need you to know.
" So thank you. And I'm sorry.
"Steve, it's -" The recording cut off into static. There was nothing more.
Steve looked up at the night sky, the lights from the city splashing over the smattering of stars he could see. He pressed his thumb down and the recording started again.
"Hey, Steve. Look, the math, it's - uh - it's not in my favour…"
A bright light slashed across the sky, followed a moment later by a boom of thunder. But the night was clear and fresh, no hint of a storm. That wasn't thunder… Steve pushed himself up and tracked as the light burned a path down, down - that wasn't a shooting star - it was a falling one.
Steve scrambled to his feet and tore off to the elevator. "JARVIS, get my bike ready."
"Of course, sir."
Steve exploded into the garage where his bike was already fully fueled and rumbling. He jumped on and tore out of the double doors and into the street, JARVIS closing them behind him. He darted between traffic, eyes flicking up to the streak in the sky every few minutes. It led him straight into Central Park, the light close enough now that he could see the fire crackling around its edges.
It burned down, a trail of smoke behind it, and Steve chased it, deep into the treed part of the park. With an almighty crash, the flaming ball collided with a copse of trees and the fire went out. Steve tore along the path then screeched to a halt.
In the middle of a clearing filled with the smoking wreckage of trees, plants, and one unfortunate bench, was a round pod, clearly alien in design, but not like anything Steve had seen from the Chitauri or from Thor. He waited, watching, but the pod didn't move.
He tugged the shield off the front of the bike and held it in front of him, inching towards the pod. His heart pounded in his chest. He'd chased after it without a thought, or really only one thought: Tony.
There was no reason for him to think this had anything to do with Tony, except that they had lost Tony in space, and this pod was clearly from space. More likely it was a sign of another invasion, another attack, another battle to rip the last pieces of Steve away. But he had nothing left to take.
He shuffled even closer then jumped back when a cloud of steam burst out of a crack in the side of the pod. The crack opened further and a pile of mysterious alien machinery flopped out onto the ground making Steve jump. Nothing else moved.
Was that it?
But then, a figure, staggering free, coming clear of the steam.
And Steve knew it before his face appeared out of the shadow. He dropped the shield and charged across the grass, colliding with him, pulling him into his arms. "Tony, oh my god."
"St- Steve, oh fuck. You're here." Tony slumped into his arms, legs shaking. He burst into a mix of broken laughter and sobbing. "Of course you're here."
They tumbled to their knees, no longer able to hold each other up. "How did you -?" Steve tipped Tony's chin up towards the light - and yes, he was there, alive, whole. Perfect.
"I got picked up," Tony rasped, his voice rough and scratched. "Apparently. I was unconscious for that part. But the Chitauri army had attracted scavengers, ramora fish, following the sharks. They saw the suit, thought it was valuable, and scooped me up."
Steve raked his eyes over Tony and saw that he was only wearing part of the armour, broken wires and bent metal sticking out in multiple places.
"They were pretty startled to find me inside, but I managed to trade them for some of the repulsor pieces. They dropped me off on a planet with this awesome engineering race - don't make me try to pronounce their name, I'll butcher it - and they helped me build this pod, based on one of their ship's escape pods. Honestly, didn't think it would work, but hey, I'm here!" He looked around. "Though, I was aiming for the bay so I wouldn't hurt anyone. Huh. Can't complain about not having to swim home."
"Tony…" It was the only thing Steve could manage to say.
Tony let out an unsteady breath and reached out to brush his knuckled across Steve's cheek. "Hey, Steve."
And Steve had heard those words on the recording so many times over the past few days, but here Tony really was, in the flesh and close enough to hold. Steve reached out and pulled Tony into his lap, gripping handfuls of his ragged clothes and broken armour to keep him from disappearing again. "I thought I lost you."
"I'm hard to lose." Tony turned and pressed a kiss to Steve's cheek. "So, did you wait for me, Rogers?" he asked, enough unsure hope twisted through his words that it wasn't quite a joke. "Or did you already find a rebound?"
Steve snorted and burrowed his face into what he could reach of Tony's neck. He breathed him in then kissed him solidly until they were both short of breath. "Don't be stupid," he said. "You're my rebound."
Tony shone brightly enough to drown out every star in the universe.