Archive of Our Own

The spotlight was on him. The crowd’s eyes were observing his every movement. The stage beneath his feet was vibrating from the bass of the speakers. Sweat was covering his skin from the heat of the hall and the lighting. He was used to everything but it never stopped feeling overwhelming; never stopped being the best thing ever. He was addicted to this – couldn’t stop if he wanted. The crowd’s cheers and screams were making him fly, higher and higher, until he felt like he was no longer there. He didn’t know why musicians were taking drugs when this feeling was the best drug one could ever get. All of them – he, the fans, his band members, everyone –were high right in this moment and it felt like it could last forever. But maybe that was the problem in the end. It was never forever.

The music stopped. The lighting faded. The cheers became quiet.

It was over – the concert, the high, the flight. It was just him and the darkness.

~ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ~

“Forget it.” Woohyun repeated for what felt like the hundredth time.

“Come on! It will boost your popularity and help your carrier.” His manager begged.

He stood up with a sigh and grabbed the sheet music. Woohyun pushed past the older man to leave the practice room. “I said no! Why would I even need this? I am popular. Everyone loves me!”

Gongyoo quickly followed after him. “Woohyun-ah… You’re only popular with the older generation. As a pianist, you’re top-notch and respected worldwide, but recently—well, how to put this—please don’t be mad—you’ve lost fans. People are…losing interest.“

He gasped and turned around to face his manager. “Are you saying I’ve become boring?!”

The older man averted his gaze. Woohyun saw the sweat gathering on his forehead. “Maybe you will kill me for this but yeah. You’re boring, Woohyun. You always play the same way, exactly following the music sheets down to the last note. You never make any mistakes and for every traditionalist out there your hands are blessed by God, but…that’s all there is to that.”

Woohyun was stunned by his words. He felt something grow inside of his chest – a fear he had thought to have overcome. For a moment, the feeling got overwhelming and made him dizzy. He had to remind himself to breathe. “Woohyun-ah, are you okay? I’m sorry. That might’ve sounded a little harsh.”

He snapped out of it. “I’m fine. Thank you for your honesty, Gongyoo-hyung! It’s nice to have a friend like you.”

His manager shot him a glare. “You know I care for you, Woohyun. I’m your friend and that’s exactly why I have to be honest with you. There are other young pianists catching up to you at a quick pace and you need something that distinguishes you from them – your unique selling point so to say. A reason people have to book you out of all the pianists who play perfectly by the book.” Woohyun opened his mouth to say something. “No, your face is not enough to set yourself apart from the others. Have you seen that Seongwu kid in the magazines? He’s a freaking model.”

Woohyun pursed his lips. “So, how is your proposal going to help me with that?”

“Like I’ve explained before, we need to increase your popularity and this is the perfect way to add a younger audience to your group of fans. You might even find inspiration from this. Sometimes it helps to watch other musicians. And wasn’t it once your dream to sing? Maybe we can get a duet or even an album for you out of this. A real album – with your own songs and voice. I know you’re secretly writing your own songs, Woohyun.”

He grimaced. “I don’t—I don’t sing anymore. I can’t, hyung. And my songs…they’re not good enough. This is all I’m really good at – playing by the book.”

Gongyoo put his hands on Woohyun’s shoulders and squeezed them gently. He gave the younger man a pained look. He knew why Woohyun had stopped singing all these years ago, but he found no words to comfort the younger man and convince him to pick it up again. “Woohyun, if you really don’t want to, I’ll tell them no. We will find another way. Maybe you can take a break and travel around the world or something…”

He looked into his friend’s eyes. Gongyoo had always giving him good advice over the years. Woohyun had managed himself alone for a long time until it had gotten too much to handle. His first manager had been a homophobic jackass and Woohyun had been afraid of trusting someone else again, but Gongyoo had replaced the first one and he had proven to be a professional. Over the years, they had even become friends. Gongyoo had known him since he was a clueless 17 year old boy without a plan and if he thought this was Woohyun’s chance to give his carrier a push, it was worth a shot.

“Okay, let’s talk over the details at the office.” Woohyun said and forced himself to smile. He wasn’t sure how this was going to end but there could be worse than fake-dating a rock idol, right?

~ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ~

“Oh, hell no.”

“Sunggyu-“

“Nope.”

“Just—“

“Never.”

“You—“

“Nah.”

“Have—“

“Not listening.”

“Jongwan, please say something too.”

The addressed person simply shrugged and smiled. “I can make him listen as much as you can. Just give him some time to think about it.”

“This is bullshit and I need no time to think about it!” Sunggyu insisted.

“And I have no time for your childish tantrums!” Jungryul shouted in anger.

“I’m not throwing tantrums!”

“Yes, you are and it’s fucking annoying! YOU are annoying! Do you know how much money your little escapades are costing the company?”

“No one asked you to clean up after me!”

They glared at each other and Jongwan lifted his hands. “Calm down you two!”

Jungryul grabbed a newspaper from the table nearby and Sunggyu barely managed to raise his arms in time to stop the paper from hitting his face. “Yah! You know what this face is worth?!”

“You’re not even handsome!”

Sunggyu gasped for air and crushed the newspaper between his fingers. “Why don’t you just leave if you hate me so much?”, he hissed and threw the newspaper to his manager’s feet.

Jungryul huffed. “I won’t leave. I’m not childish unlike someone else in the room. I don’t run away when things get tough.”

“I—I don’t—“

“If you can’t handle the truth, go whine to Jungyeop and ask him for a sugar daddy or something. I’m here to do my job.” The older man crossed his arms to show his resolve. “Either you’re going to listen to me or you can run away from a confrontation like you always do.”

Sunggyu flinched as if hit. He could feel his muscles twitching and his mind was telling him to leave. He didn’t want to hear this – didn’t have to – but his body wasn’t moving. His pride forced him to stay. Jungryul picked up the newspaper and shoved it against his chest. “Look at the front page, boy.”

He did and promptly grimaced as he saw the big picture of himself. He was wasted, clearly, and two of his bodyguards were keeping him from falling down. There was something on his shirt that looked very much like dried vomit and his belt looked undone. Sunggyu couldn’t recognize himself but he knew it was him. The article sure said so.

“How many times does this make, Sunggyu? Do you even remember what you did?”

The singer hung his head in shame. “I don’t know”, he mumbled.

“You have kids listening to your music and going to your concerts. What kind of role model are you for them? Parents are freaking out all over the country because of you. They’re forbidden your young fans from buying your music or going to your concerts. Do you know why? Because you’re a piece of shit in their eyes! The press thinks you’re a laughing stock! Lately, you’re only in the news because you got fucking wasted in public again or because the police suspect you of drug abuse. Drugs, Sunggyu! Do you know what will happen if they catch you? So far you’ve only gotten called out for being drunk and acting out, but once you hit someone with your car while under influence or someone finds drugs on you, you’re done. D O N E. Do you hear me? There will be no saving your ass then. The public will tear you apart until you wish you’d be somewhere deep in the ocean.”

Sunggyu swallowed. “I’m not taking any drugs…”

“I know, but the public doesn’t. If they see you wrecked and knocked out like this, they will start making up their own theories. They’ve already started. We need to put an end to this and just stopping your drinking problem isn’t going to fix it. I honestly don’t know if we can fix it, but you have to try, Sunggyu. You have to promise me or I’ll do you the favor and quit. You’re not just ruining your own life with this.” Jungryul unlocked his arms and ran a hand through his short hair. “I can help you with this but first you have to want to help yourself.”

For a while, silence engulfed them. From time to time, he heard a pencil scratching on a piece of paper – no doubt Jongwan was writing a song even while people argued next to him. Sunggyu knew he was fucking up. He didn’t know when he had slipped first and how it had continued to happen. You wanted the emptiness to go away. He pursed his lips. Sunggyu couldn’t lose this. He was nothing without his music, without his fans.

He let his body fall back onto the soft couch. “How is dating some random bloke going to help me? I thought the public hates gay people! Besides, I’m not homosexual, hyung.”

“They used to hate them but things have changed – are changing. That was one of the reasons we decided on this plan. Right now people want this kind of relationship. They need it for their own motives.” Jungryul sat down next to him. “This random bloke is a very famous musician. He is known worldwide and has a lot of fans.”

“What?!” He exclaimed in shock. “I’ve never even heard of this Nam Woodong fellow. How is that possible?”

“Nam WooHYUN. You’ve probably never heard of him because you don’t care about classical music. He’s a pretty famous pianist despite being only 2 years younger than you. Some call him a prodigy but, honestly, I don’t know understand much about classical music either. He has a clean image though and he’s openly gay. He’s perfect to balance out your temper and give you a better image. Maybe you’ll even learn some manners from him, who knows.”

“I don’t have a temper!” Sunggyu growled and balled up his fists.

Jungryul gave him a long look and Jongwan cleared his throat.  He flinched and relaxed his fingers. “But I’m still not gay. I don’t want to fake-date this dude. What if he wants to…you know…” Sunggyu felt his cheeks grow hot and hated himself for it. “Give me a girl, a woman. A nice noona.”

“No. I think you’ve had enough scandals because of the way you treat women.” Jungryul replied strictly.

“That was a misunderstanding! The show edited it weirdly!”

“The public still remembers it differently, though. Don’t worry, Sunggyu. It’s just for a while to give you a better image and maybe even to increase your fan base. The market these days is very competitive. Lots of idols charming girls and boys left and right. Do you think all of them show their true face? They do everything to get their fans to love them. Learn from them, even if it’s just a little. And don’t worry. The contract will include that there will be no actual sexual interaction between you two. You will act like a couple in public, go on some dates where coincidentally a reporter will snatch a picture of you two and maybe even work on some music together if you want.” His manager explained.

Sunggyu sighed and rubbed his sweaty hands over the rough fabric of his ripped jeans. “Will we have to kiss in public?”

“Possibly. It needs to be convincing.” He grimaced but his manager patted his thigh in comfort. “Nothing more than what you’re comfortable with. There are ways to make it look like a kiss without actual lips touching.”

He ruffled his hair. The idea of kissing some guy didn’t sit well with him. “So how is this going to change the public’s opinion of me?”

“We’ll sell you as a closet gay who was collapsing under the pressure of hiding his secret. It was hard on you to hide your sexuality from everyone and you didn’t want to disappoint fans, so you slipped into the alcohol addiction. Now you’ve decided to come forward with your gay boyfriend. The LGBT community will eat this story up and support you. They’ll use it for their own agenda, of course, but it doesn’t matter to us. We will use this to appeal to the public. Everyone loves a good love story with some drama. Their hate will change to pity and to support. ‘It’s not his fault!’ – ‘We pushed him this far’ – and so on.”

Sunggyu felt like the plan could work but he could also feel the increasing weight on his shoulders. He would have to hide a secret for real if they did this. People would look at his life real closely and if he fucked up and they found out it was all fake – even God wouldn’t be enough to help him. That thought scared him. It made him feel like drinking a bottle of beer, or maybe even two or three, just to get away from this feeling.

“For how long? And how are we going to end this fake relationship without destroying everything? What if he says something to ruin me?”

“A year should do. Maybe more or less, depending on how well the two of you are doing. You’ll break up mutually because of private differences. People don’t have to know much more. Woohyun won’t be allowed to ever disclose the truth of this deal, same as you. Trust me the punishment is more than enough to shut his mouth forever if he wants to keep his career.”

“What if I say no?”

“Then we’ll check you into rehab and everyone will find out you’re an addict.” Jungryul’s voice was cold and stern.

Sunggyu felt tears stinging his eyes. He did his best to hold them back. His manager stood up again. “Though I believe you’re strong enough to do this without a rehab center. You want to keep singing, don’t you?”

He nodded weakly. “Then we have a deal. We’ll meet with Nam Woohyun and his manager at the company tomorrow. Kangdae will pick you up at 9 am. Come on, Jongwan.”

Jongwan gave his shoulder a soft pat before he followed after Jungryul. Sunggyu let his shoulder slump. His gaze went to the discarded newspaper. Act like I’m gay for a year or go to a rehab center and expose my biggest weakness to the public? What a choice.

“You have no choice, Kim Sunggyu. You never did.” He leaned back and closed his eyes. “Nam Woohyun, huh?”

~ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ~

 “Wooyhun-ah! Hurry up, we’re late.” Gongyoo called out impatiently.

“Just a moment!” The young man hurried to dry his hair, then he slipped into a shirt and ran out of the bathroom. Woohyun grabbed his shoes in the corridor and put them on in a hurry, almost tripping over his feet in the process.

Gongyoo lifted an eyebrow. “If only your devotees ever saw you like this. No neatly combed hair, an Iron Man t-shirt and sneakers. I think they’d get a heart attack.”

Woohyun rolled his eyes and tried to smooth his hair in front of the mirror. “We don’t have time for this. You look great, don’t worry. Poor straight guy won’t know what hit him.”

“I’m not trying to look good for anyone!” He defended himself. “I would hardly go out like this then!”

“Trying so hard to look casual for him.” Gongyoo muttered and quickly walked away before Woohyun could hit him.

He grabbed his bag and went after the other man. Woohyun wondered if he would still be able to casually leave his house like this in a few days. He had used his time to find out more about this guy he was supposed to be dating – Kim Sunggyu. Apparently, he really was super popular, especially around women in their early 20s. There were videos of his very excited fans doing stuff Woohyun would definitely count as stalking or sexual harassment. It was worrisome to think those fans might follow him around soon. The singer’s looks were nothing special in the music industry but Woohyun had to admit there was something to his face that made him easy on the eye. (And it certainly wasn’t the overdone eyeliner.) His music was…not really Woohyun’s taste. He seemed like a try-hard and all that screaming couldn’t be good for his voice. Woohyun thought something softer would fit his voice better. There was a hint of something when he sang but his music was barely able to show it. It was a bit disappointing. The worst though was his reputation as a drunk. Woohyun definitely knew now why the older man was in need of some image change. While his own life seemed boring in comparison, Woohyun preferred it over this. It really worried him that he had to fake a relationship with someone like that. Kim Sunggyu seemed like a douchebag.

He would laugh at Woohyun if he showed up in a suit.

They got into Gongyoo’s car and the older man drove them to the building of Woollim Entertainment. It was a rather small label but it came to no surprise to Woohyun that Sunggyu had signed there. They were one of the few companies not focusing all of their money on idol groups. Not yet, at least.

“Do you really think this is going to work out?” Woohyun asked in worry. “You know, with his drinking habit and all.”

Gongyoo kept looking ahead. “We made it part of the contract that he isn’t allowed to drink even a tiny sip of anything containing alcohol. Or eat, for that matter. His company was also very adamant about this, so don’t bring him into any dangerous situations or offer alcohol to him even. You might even get a bonus out of this if you get him clean by the end of our contract.”

Woohyun hummed and glanced out of the window. “Still… You told me he’s straight. Is he really going to play along? What if the public won’t believe us?”

“It’s up to you to make it convincing. Hey, I wouldn’t be surprised if you turned the poor guy gay. Just don’t sleep with him, okay? At least not while the contract is still in place. His company seemed pretty adamant about this as well.” Gongyoo snickered. “You think Mr. Straight is a virgin?”

If he had any water to drink, he would’ve spat it out, instead Woohyun choke on his own spit. He coughed. “Hyung!”

“Okay, okay. Maybe he’s just scared he’d like the D.”

“Hyuuuuung!!!” Woohyun whined.

Gongyoo stopped the car at a red traffic light. His smile disappeared. “Woohyun, one thing: People look at you and think you’re small and soft - that makes them want to take advantage of you. Don’t let him walk all over you, okay? If he does anything you don’t want, you tell him to stop or you call me. He might think he can push you around because you’re younger and gay, but you can use your self-defense ninja moves to kick him in the balls if necessary. The deal is important but you’re more important. Promise me that.”

He smiled at his manager. “Thanks, mom. I promise, but you worry too much.”

Gongyoo sighed. “Just don’t kill him, okay.”

Woohyun cracked his knuckles. “I’ll try.”





They entered the company ten minutes after the supposed meeting time, which was pretty bad in itself but as Woohyun and Gongyoo found out, they weren’t the last ones to arrive. The CEO greeted them in the conference room and told them to sit down first. “I’m sure Sunggyu will be here in a moment. They must be stuck in traffic.”

Woohyun was sure the traffic wasn’t bad at the moment but he let the excuse slide. He was just relieved to not be the last one to arrive. No one had even said a word about his late arrival. Gongyoo seemed relieved as well, though also a little mad at being kept waiting. Ten minutes passed. They were offered water, which Woohyun accepted gratefully. Another ten minutes later the CEO returned to the room. “He’ll be with us soon. Why don’t we start reviewing the contract already? We can get the boring stuff settled and then Woohyun and Sunggyu can use the time to get to know each other.”

He almost rolled his eyes but stopped himself last second. Was there any need to get to know each other? Woohyun would be grateful enough if he didn’t smell any alcohol when he had to kiss the other guy. He leaned back into his seat and let Gongyoo settle the details with Jungyeop. Woohyun blocked their conversation out and let it settle into a soft murmur in the background.

Thirty minutes later the door to the conference room opened and Kim Sunggyu walked in like he wasn’t an hour late. Okay, less walking and more…swaying. Jungyeop smiled in relief but almost lost control of his facial muscles when he smelled it. “Ah, Sunggyu-yah, sit down. Sit down...over here.”

Woohyun noticed the other man had some trouble getting his feet to walk. An older man, probably his manager, followed after him and guided the singer to one of the chairs. Sunggyu didn’t even acknowledge any of their presences. The pianist frowned. He’s already drunk at this time of the day? What a good way to start this deal… Ugh, that smell.

Jungyeop waved the manager over to his side and they exchanged a few rushed whispers. The CEO frowned deeply at something and shot the rock idol a concerned look, before returning his attention back to Gongyoo and Woohyun. “Sorry about that. It was the last time, right, Sunggyu? You remember that you can’t drink any more alcohol from now on?”

Sunggyu was rocking slightly back and forward, murmuring something to himself. He snapped out of it when he noticed everybody looking at him. “Y-Yeah.”, he said without looking up. His voice sounded like he had spent the night screaming his lungs out to his own songs. The poor guy looked like he didn’t want to be in this place and do this contract at all. It gave Woohyun a bad feeling. He didn’t want to force anyone into this. He had thought the other party was a willing participant.

“I don’t think this is going to work after all.” Woohyun said and everyone, well except Sunggyu, looked at him in surprise. “I think it’s better we find someone else for this deal, Gongyoo-hyung. We will find someone else.”

He stood up to leave and Gongyoo gaped at him. The CEO jumped up. “Let’s not act hasty. I’m sure we can figure this out.”

“I don’t think so. I doubt he’s sober enough to even know what he’s agreeing to.” Woohyun huffed. He grabbed his bag and left the room without listening to Gongyoo’s shouts.

~ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ~

As soon as Gongyoo was out of the room, Jungyeop grabbed Sunggyu by the collar. “What are you doing? You had one job – staying sober!”

He winced at the CEO’s loud voice. His head hurt like hell. Sunggyu wasn’t sure what happened the day before. He didn’t even know how he got to the company. “I didn’t—I wasn’t—“

Jungryul looked at him. “Yesterday we were at your apartment together, remember? We grabbed all the bottles of alcohol – you told me those were all you had – and threw them away. YOU called me and asked me to throw them away. I thought you were being honest with me. Did you keep a bottle?”

Sunggyu frowned. He remembered calling Jungryul because he didn’t trust himself with taking care of the alcohol. He was sure he had given all of them to his manager. The singer really had meant to stay dry. “I—I don’t know what happened.”

“Clearly, you broke your promise pretty soon.” There was too much disappointment in Jungryul’s voice for Sunggyu to handle. He already felt embarrassed the pianist and his manager had seen him in this state – how pathetic was that? – but even Jungryul looked at him like he was a hopeless case now.

“I really gave you all the bottles, hyung. I don’t remember what happened after that…”

“Obviously, you got wasted and it wiped your memory.” Jungyeop replied dryly. He let go of Sunggyu’s color. “Go after Woohyun and bring him back to the table. We, you, need him. Don’t get back here without him, son.”

Sunggyu swallowed hard. He gathered his nerves and walked past the two men. He wasn’t sure what had happened last night but he was disappointed with himself. How could he get drunk right after promising Jungryul he’d stop with the alcohol? Maybe a rehab center would be better for me after all.

He stumbled down the corridors. Luckily, Woohyun and his manager hadn’t left the building yet. He found them having a heated argument. Whatever it is they were discussing, Woohyun stopped talking the second he spotted Sunggyu and his manager noticed the change in his expression. The singer tried not to flinch away from the look Woohyun was giving him. As much as the pianist probably liked men, Sunggyu figured he was way at the bottom of people Woohyun would want to date. Of course he would run away and cancel the deal when he saw what a wreck Sunggyu was. He couldn’t even get a fake relationship to work. Fantastic.

Sunggyu stopped a fair distance away from them. He knew he smelled like a brewery but there had been no chance to shower or brush his teeth when he chased down the younger man. He cleared his throat and finished sorting his thoughts. Woohyun looked at him warily. “If you’re here because you’re scared we will talk about this to anyone, I assure you—“

He gave the other men a deep bow and Woohyun shut his mouth. “I’m sorry for my appearance. Please consider the proposal once more. I won’t drink another drop, I’m sorry.”

“I don’t think you’re in the right mind to make a decision right now. Sober up first.”

“I am sober. Please give it a chance. I—I know you probably don’t want to even fake date someone like me, but this is the last chance I‘ve got. Please.” Sunggyu glanced up at the younger man.

Woohyun met his gaze for a minute or two before he sighed and rubbed his neck. “Is your company forcing you to do this? Because I don’t want to do this if it’s not voluntarily. I know you’re not…into men.”

He blinked in confusion. Sunggyu didn’t expect that kind of response. Did the other man truly care? “No one forced me to agree to the deal. I wasn’t under influence when I agreed to do this. I admit this is not my ideal outcome but this is better than staying at a rehab center while the press is burying my career.”

The older man next to Woohyun gave him a doubtful look. “Listen, maybe your problem is too serious and you should be seeing a doctor after all. I don’t want Woohyun to get in trouble with this. He’s supposed to gain followers and not get dragged to the bottom with you.”

Sunggyu grimaced. He swayed a little. “I swear I won’t touch another bottle of alcohol. I won’t do anything to destroy his career. I have nothing to gain from this deal failing.”

“Give us a moment.” Woohyun said and pulled his manager aside. They went out of hearing range and started to whisper.

Anxiously, he observed the two of them and time seemed to stretch into an eternity. After a few exchanges, Woohyun returned, though he kept a safe distance from Sunggyu’s smell of booze. “We’ll do it but if you do anything that damages my reputation, the contract will end and you will carry the fall.”

He nodded slowly. Sunggyu knew he had no other choice. Faking his sexual orientation seemed too easy compared to getting control of his alcohol addiction. He’d have to try though. It wasn’t like Sunggyu wanted to be a drunk. He had tried to stay away from alcohol so many times but somehow it always had a way of finding him and sometimes he went to find it when things got too rough. More than anything though, Sunggyu wanted to be able to stand on stage and bathe in the love and attention of his fans. He wanted people to need him. After all, if he wasn’t needed, what would be his reason for living?

“Fine. Now let’s sign a contract.”

~ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ~

Next time they met, Sunggyu wasn’t drunk to Woohyun’s relief. Their meeting place was a park in Seoul and both of them were wearing casual clothing. Sunggyu was wearing a pair of black, ripped jeans (did the man even own a pair that wasn’t torn?), a red t-shirt with a band name on it that Woohyun didn’t recognize and his face was covered by a mask, sunglasses and a cap that said ‘be creative or die’. What a ball of sunshine. For a valid reason, Woohyun thought his whole appearance was catching more side-glances than a normal get-up. People were starting to wonder who the hell he was with the obvious way he hid his identity. But then again, maybe that was the rock star’s plan. Their companies wanted them to be spotted together on a date.

Looking at him fully for the first time, Sunggyu had great proportions, Woohyun had to admit. His clothing was emphasizing his long legs and Woohyun felt a little jealous. The pianist had always wished to be a little taller but he hadn’t been blessed with long legs. Considering the body in front of him, Woohyun guessed this was his type. The personality though… Not to mention he was straight. This is going to be hard, isn’t it? Oh boy, what did I get into…

“Are you just going to stare at me all day?” Sunggyu asked, his voice giving away how annoyed he was to be out in the sunlight at this time of the day.

Woohyun felt a little embarrassed to be caught staring but Sunggyu’s tone made him come back to the present. “You agreed to do this, so you have to play along. We’re supposed to be madly in love.”

He linked their arms together and felt the way Sunggyu tensed at the touch. “What are you doing?!”

“It’s called skinship. When was your last date? A real one I mean.” Woohyun started walking and pulled him along. They couldn’t spend their ‘date’ standing under a tree all day. They had to be seen doing couple stuff together.

Sunggyu’s sunglasses and mask were making it hard to read his expression but Woohyun thought he saw the tips of his ears turn red. It amused him. The singer mumbled something behind the fabric and Woohyun huffed. He pulled the mask down with his free hand. “I can’t understand you like that.”

“Don’t just pull it down! What if—okay never mind.” Sunggyu had probably remembered they were supposed to be recognized. Of course not immediately, since it would be too obvious, but a few hints for the press and netizens to speculate about were the goal of today’s date. “I don’t think my past relationships are any of your business. We’re not dating for real, you know.”

“I know but you’re awfully tense.”

“I’m not gay, okay? It’s weird to link arms with some dude out on the streets. Plus, I’m used to hiding from my fans whenever I’m outside.” Sunggyu looked at him shortly but his sunglasses hid the expression in his eyes. The taller man observed their surroundings again afterwards.

“Ah, I’ve seen videos of your stalkers online. They seem pretty scary if you ask me. I’m glad my ‘fans’ are a little more…conservative. Hey, I’m safe from your fans, right? They won’t break into my house and kill me in my sleep when the news is out?” Woohyun really was a little anxious about Sunggyu’s fanatic followers. They seemed to think they owned their rock idol.

Sunggyu scoffed. “They’re all bark and no bite. It’s really not as bad as the videos make it seem. I mean, they might come and follow you around for a while to get a chance to see me, but they won’t attack you or anything. If anyone does act out, just tell me and I’ll take care of it.”

“I don’t know whether to be amused or worried.” Woohyun admitted with a light smile. He saw a girl from across the street holding up her phone in their direction and he leaned close until it looked like he was kissing Sunggyu’s ear.

She jumped in surprise and then ran away with a red face. Sunggyu leaned away from him. “W—What are you doing now?”

“Chill.” He blew air against the other man’s ear and chuckled when Sunggyu struggled to get away from him. “No getting away. We’re supposed to be a couple.”

“Ugh.” The older man stopped struggling. “Just don’t kiss me for real, okay?”

Woohyun smiled mischievously and put his head on Sunggyu’s shoulder. He winked at a man passing by. “No promise.”

“Seriously, do you have to be so close? It’s warm enough outside as it is!”

He shrugged and straightened his back again. Woohyun pointed across the street. “There’s the café we’re supposed to go. I heard they gave a journalist a secret tip that he’d discover something interesting there.”

The older man huffed. “I can’t believe we’re doing this. No one is going to believe it.”

Woohyun gave him a light shove. “I’m the obligatory gay in this deal to make it look real.”

“You don’t look very gay though.” Sunggyu replied with the typical words the pianist had heard over and over again throughout the years.

He rolled his eyes. “Oh, do tell me what a gay man looks like.”

The singer stared at him and furrowed his brows. “Uh—“

“No, forget it. I don’t need an answer.” Woohyun let go of the older man’s arm. “You people are all the same. Just because we love the same gender doesn’t mean we all dress up in pink and walk around weirdly. That’s just how some personalities are and I know straight guys that like pink.”

Woohyun checked for cars and then crossed over the street without waiting for the other. Sunggyu hurried after him. “Fuck, man, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you or anything…”

“People never do. You just talk without thinking.” The pianist sighed. “I knew what I was getting into but try to keep your prejudices to yourself.”

Sunggyu didn’t say anything else until they were seated at a table in the far back of the café. “Why did you even agree to the deal? Aren’t you, like, betraying your community? We’re selling them a gay love story but it’s all fake.”

Woohyun opened his menu and spared the other man no look. “Well, I am gay, so that is no lie. I don’t feel good about this but Gongyoo told me I can profit from your popularity with the teens and the younger women. Besides, entering a business relationship with someone gay as well…that just spells trouble. It’s better if no feelings are involved.”

“Wow.” Sunggyu breathed and now he did look at him. “You’re colder than I thought.”

“I love playing the piano. I will never give it up. If that means I need to play this game – fine.”

“Losing popularity, huh?” The idol gave him a light smirk.

He felt his face heat up. “No! My manager just thinks I should get some fresh air into my play style. I—They say I play perfectly by the book and it’s…boring.”

Woohyun waited for the older man to laugh at him but he didn’t. Sunggyu leaned back into his chair and hummed shortly. “You seem like you’d play boringly.”

He gasped at the insult. “How dare—“

“Sirs, how can I help you?” A waitress suddenly interrupted them.

Woohyun quickly changed his expression and warmly smiled at her. “I’ll take a New York Cheesecake and a Café au Lait.”

Sunggyu ordered a simple glass of water and the pianist raised an eyebrow at that. The older man shrugged. When she was gone, Sunggyu spoke up again. “I just meant you look like someone who doesn’t stray from the path. Your play will be perfect but people, they expect something more. If they wanted the copy of the original, they’d be listening to their CDs at home. Nowadays you’re easily forgotten if you don’t stick out of the crowd. Hey, maybe I can give you some tips on your piano playing? I could listen—“

“Because Mr. Rock Star knows so much about classical music? What do you even know except brands of alcohol? No thanks.”

The older man’s expression hardened. “Whatever.”

They waited in silence for their drinks and the cake to arrive. Woohyun knew they had to act like a loving couple but the mood was sour and he didn’t like this guy at all. He thought this was going to be alright but Kim Sunggyu was an ass. Woohyun wasn’t sure if he would be able to fake loving this man for a week, never mind a full year.

The two men glared at each other.





A day later, Woohyun got a call from his manager regarding yesterday’s date. “You’re lucky the photographs suck.”

“Well, good morning to you as well, Gongyoo -hyung.” He rolled out of his bed and stretched his limbs.

“I know your grumpy face, Woohyun, even if it’s on a blurry picture! You two were supposed to look like a couple. What happened?”

Woohyun groaned as he shuffled out of his bedroom. He really wasn’t a morning person but Gongyoo was already angry and hanging up on him would make the older man explode. “He was a jerk, that’s what happened.”

“You knew what you were getting into.”

“I knew about the alcohol and the scandals, but not about his attitude problem.” Woohyun huffed. “He said I look boring! He commented on my playing like he has any clue about classical music! Can you believe that? That guy even offered to listen to me play – TO GIVE ME ADVICE!”

Gongyoo sighed. “Well, according to what I’ve heard you got pretty insulting as well.”

“Huh?! The hell did he say I did?”

“Woohyun, I know you get angry when someone criticizes your play style, but I think it was an honest try to help you?”

Woohyun almost threw his coffee machine out of the window. He gritted his teeth. “He’s a frigging singer in a rock band! He probably doesn’t even write his own songs! What the hell does he know about music or even the piano?”

“Hey, I’m not fan of him for several reasons but don’t do him wrong by assuming things about him. He actually knows how to play the piano and for your information, he does help with the songs on his albums. I told you before that you could learn from him. That wasn’t a joke. Cool down your head and use it, Woohyun. You wanted to do this too, so at least try for me.” Gongyoo sighed on the other end of the line.

The pianist pursed his lips. “Sorry, hyung. It’s just… He made dick comments about me not looking gay and stuff. It just really made me angry.”

“For how long have you been out of the closet, Woohyun-ah?”

He ruffled his hair. “I don’t know. Three years?”

“How many comments like these have you heard before? Thousands or more. I thought you don’t take them to heart anymore. You usually brush it off when a homophobe comes at you.”

Woohyun knew he was right. Usually, he didn’t lose his temper so quickly. People often made comments about his sexuality but it had stopped bothering him about a year ago. Last Christmas he even appeared at the family dinner in a rainbow suit and pink-dyed hair, just to give his homophobic uncle a slap in the face. That had felt good, though his mother made him change the outfit later.

“I guess I had pity on him before, but then I noticed he’s an ass and I got mad at myself for pitying someone like him.”

“I’ll speak to his manager again. I hope the next date works out better and you two can settle your differences. Otherwise, this won’t be very believable.” Gongyoo told him goodbye and hung up afterwards.

Woohyun put his phone on the kitchen table and prepared a cup of coffee instead. After his cup was empty, he settled on the couch to play a game. Then curiosity got the better of him and he checked social media for news of them. Woohyun didn’t find anyone spamming his account, as expected since he rarely even used it.  He searched for their names but nothing came up. When he looked up Sunggyu’s name, there were a lot of articles and fan pages like expected. It was annoying how popular he was despite his shitty personality. Woohyun couldn’t believe he had been fooled back at the company. Sunggyu had looked so vulnerable when he pleaded for him to not leave.

He clicked his tongue. Woohyun was about to lock his phone when he remembered what Gongyoo said. That guy can play the piano? Never! He opened the search engine and typed in ‘Kim Sunggyu piano’. To his surprise, the result wasn’t 0. There were some website that seemed to feature his whole biography but Woohyun was more interested in the recommended videos. There just seemed to be no recent ones. Woohyun clicked on one of the videos. It was old, obviously. The title dated it back to 1999. The quality of the video was really bad but he could spot a little boy on stage, sitting on a stool in front of the piano. It was impossible to tell if it was Kim Sunggyu or not, but the uploader seemed to believe it. The kid started playing and Woohyun was…speechless.

His play was flawless, just like Woohyun’s. The pianist knew this piece by heart and he couldn’t find any mistakes. The blurry fingers of the child were flying over the keys without even a moment of hesitation. Woohyun could swear he wasn’t even looking at the sheets of paper in front of him. He played it perfectly but it seemed like there was no emotion in it. No joy. It was just a perfect replica.

It was boring.

Woohyun flinched on the couch. He put the phone down as the music ended and the audience clapped. The cheers and claps were amazing, similar to what he heard after a performance. Though now Woohyun started to wonder how much this really meant. Did these people really understand music or would they have clapped at every performance, ignorant to any mistake the pianist made? People who knew the piece in and out, people like Woohyun, they would be bored. There was nothing to criticize but also nothing that made it any different from how Woohyun played it. Is that how other people hear me play?

There were several uploads of the video Woohyun found, as fans seemed to be eager to spread the video around, claiming it was their idol Kim Sunggyu. The pianist was unsure though. Maybe it was just a kid with the same name. It was possible. But Gongyoo -hyung did say that idiot can play. He found another recording from a year later and just like the first one, it was a perfect game. No mistakes. The video quality was a little better though and Woohyun could see some resemblance between the boy and adult Sunggyu. Looking deeper into his biography, it really seemed like the fans were right. All the websites agreed that Kim Sunggyu had been a little genius as a kid, winning some competitions in his hometown and even one in Seoul. With 13, the boy had stopped playing the piano altogether and instead joined the school band in middle school. Woohyun found an interview of Sunggyu telling the story.

“-but it started to feel like it didn’t matter. I had perfected my play because my mother always pushed me to practice from morning until evening, yet I never had a breakthrough. There were tons of kids at these competitions. Many could play these pieces without an error. Nothing made me special. When I realized that, I quit the piano. Well, not completely, but I wanted to do something different. I wanted to create my own music instead of being a copy of someone else’s.”

The Kim Sunggyu in the interview seemed so different from the one Woohyun knew. He was younger, of course, barely 21 at the time of his interview, but that wasn’t what made the pianist stop and stare. The singer was glowing with energy. He was smiling and kept making these nervous gestures where he would push his fringe aside with his fingers or play with the hem of his shirts. Woohyun could see he was someone who loved what he did. He was relaxed, happy and perhaps a little shy. Absolutely not like the man he had gotten to know. Of course stress, fame and alcohol could change a person but still… It was strange to see the difference. His obvious innocence, despite being sold as a sexy rock star, had probably been what had pulled fans in. Even Woohyun wanted to like him.

Kim Sunggyu. You’re becoming a mystery.

~ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ~

Sunggyu spent the night making sure there really wasn’t a single bottle of alcohol left in his apartment. He had already cleaned up after that horrendous meeting at Woollim, but he was still able to find bottles in the weirdest hiding places. It felt like they were respawning on their own. Sunggyu was proud of himself for not giving in and having the strength to dumb the contents of each bottle into the sink. He wasn’t sure what that would do to the water people used but he just wanted to get rid of it. Maybe his anger helped him with the task. After he got home from the ‘date’, Sunggyu had felt angry enough to hit a hole into a wall. The date had been a total failure. He had tried but his mouth had worked quicker than his mind again. The man knew he was partly at fault for the failure. He felt like an idiot for commenting on Woohyun’s looks. The pianist probably took him for a homophobe now.

Jungryul was mad at him for the failure, of course, but he also got mad when Sunggyu mentioned Woohyun openly calling him a good for nothing drunk. Maybe those weren’t the exact words, but that was exactly what the pianist had meant. His manager had hung up without another comment and Sunggyu was afraid of the things he had set in motion.

Woohyun’s jab at his drinking problem had almost pushed Sunggyu into the hands of a vodka bottle but he had won the fight. He didn’t want to give Woohyun the gratification of seeing him fall once more. Sunggyu swore himself to keep his part of the deal instead. He wanted to show Woohyun, everyone, that he wasn’t just a drunk. He needed to get a grip of his life and earn his respect.

With determination, Sunggyu dressed up as best he could to hide himself from the fans. He left his apartment and called the elevator. In the lobby, he gave Lorena a smile. She was one of the security guards tasked with protecting their building. There were a lot of rich people living in the big apartments and thieves would certainly make money here. Not to mention there were other people like Sunggyu who preferred their privacy and needed people to stay away. Lorena was originally from the United States and her Korean was a little funny at times, but the black woman had never been one to back down from a challenge. Besides, no one made fun of Lorena. She was tall and muscular. Sunggyu had once seen her fold a guy together on the floor like a piece of paper after he called her with some racist slur.

“Hey, honey.” She greeted him with a smile of her own. “You look better with every day.”

Sunggyu shrugged and walked over to the counter she was sitting behind. “I feel better. No alcohol at all yesterday and the day before.”

“Small steps, sweetheart.” Lorena spoke warmly. “Where are you headed?”

“Oh, I thought I might head down to Sunny’s. I need to get rid of some steam.”

The security guard laughed shortly. “Sunny’s is not a boxing studio. Musicians! You’re all a little crazy. Next time you want to blow off some steam, come to me. I’ll show you a good way.”

Sunggyu chuckled. “I don’t think I’d survive your idea of blowing off steam, but thanks Lorena. See you later.”

He turned to leave but she suddenly called his name. “Wait! I forgot. I think your friend lost something last Monday.”

“A friend?” Sunggyu frowned as she came around the counter to hand him something.

“Yeah, you know, the big one that sometimes picks you up. I always forget his name.” Lorena handed him a thin card with Woollim’s logo on it. Sunggyu recognized it immediately.

Still frowning, he turned the card in his hand. It was an access card for the company building. There was no name on it though. “Do you mean Kangdae?”

“Ah, right, that was his name. Can you give it back to him? I found it in the corridor when I did my round. He probably lost it when he came down again.” Lorena shrugged and went back to her chair.

“He was here on Monday?”

She tilted her head to the side. “I guess you forgot. He came around 8 pm and I let him upstairs because I know he’s with your company and he said that he had to bring you some presents the fans left for you at the company. Though I was surprised he dropped by so late for that.”

Sunggyu licked over his dry lips. “When did he leave?”

“I think he left around 11 pm? I can check the records if you want.”

“No, no! It’s fine.” He pocketed the card and walked towards the back exit. “Thank you, Lorena. Have a nice day.”

Outside the building, Sunggyu mixed with the crowd on the sidewalk. His hand was still around the card in his right pocket. Something bothered him. He didn’t remember Kangdae dropping by. Also, it was unusual for him to be the one to bring Sunggyu to gives. Normally, Jungryul brought them over like once a month, during day time. Kangdae was technically one of his managers but he was more of a driver. Maybe Jungryul didn’t feel like seeing Sunggyu that night? But then again, the singer couldn’t remember seeing any fan presents at his apartment. So where did they go?

He ruffled his hair. If only he hadn’t drunk that much, he would remember what happened that night. Maybe I can ask Kangdae. He should know why things escalated like that. Sunggyu made a turn at the next corner and disappeared into an alley. He would ask Kangdae next time they met. The singer stopped in front of a blue door and looked left and right before he knocked on it. Sunggyu had to knock twice until someone opened the door. A young Korean woman grinned at him.

“I knew there could only be one person sneaking around the back. Hey, Gyu! It’s been ages.” She stepped aside to let him in and once the door was closed, she gave him a hug.

Sunggyu smiled and hugged her back. “Hey Sunny. New hair color, huh? Did they stop halfway?”

She huffed. “Silly! This is the trend nowadays. One side is brown and the other one pink. It’s perfect. In fact, we should do the same with your hair.”

He backed away from her. “How about no?”

Sunny clicked her tongue. “Fine. I guess you’re here to play?”

Sunggyu nodded. She checked if no one was around and then led him into one of the practice rooms. “How long do you want to stay?”

“I don’t know. Just book me the room for three hours.”

She raised an eyebrow at him. “Someone’s in the mood. Okay! No one will disturb you. Do you want something to drink?”

“The usual, Sunny. Thank you. I’m sure you have enough people who want to use your practice rooms.”

“But none of them pay me thrice the price because they are a celebrity who wants his privacy.” She winked at him and left the room.

Sunggyu shook his head in amusement and walked over to the grand piano. He let his fingers slide over the smooth, black surface. “It’s been a while.”

He sat down on the small bench and opened his bag, pulling a notebook and a recorder out of it. Sunggyu opened the notebook. It was his secret. Most of the pages were already filled with notes – with his music. He knew the songs would never make it on an album. There was a time when he tried but his company didn’t seem to think playing the piano was something great for a rock idol to do. His fans wouldn’t like it, they said. All they knew from him were rock songs and some indie but that was it. Sunggyu felt like he was approaching another rock bottom, same as the piano competitions he did as a kid. These songs were only for himself but at least they let him experience something different. It was better than drinking away his sorrow. He liked his fans, the songs he sang and everything, but whenever a performance ended, it was like all energy left his body.

Without noticing, his fingers had started playing a melody. It was sad and slow. It felt like it was drowning him slowly, pulling him deeper and deeper in to an eternal embrace. It was the emptiness Sunggyu felt when he wasn’t on stage. This was the side he couldn’t show the fans and he knew his company was right about that.

“Slow down on the depressing melodies.” Sunggyu jumped at the voice but it was just Sunny. She put the glass on the small table nearby. Sunny sniveleed. “Why are you playing something so sad?”

“It just came to my mind.” He mumbled, feeling a little embarrassed.

She came closer and made him skid to the side, before sitting down next to him. Sunny put her fingers on the keys and played a happier melody instead. “Is it one of your songs?”

Sunggyu noticed she wasn’t playing randomly but looking at the open notebook. She was playing his score. He quickly closed the notebook and she stopped her fingers. “It’s not finished yet.”

“Looks finished to me and it sounds great.” Sunny tore the notebook from his hands and skipped through it. “You’ve been writing these songs for so many years. It’s a tragedy I’m the only one who gets to hear them sometimes.”

“It’s just—It’s not really what my fans would like.”

“Fuck the fans then.” Sunny exclaimed.

He elbowed her and she chuckled. “They’re good songs, seriously. I’ll tell you something: your company is a fool and you should leave them.”

“You’ve said that like a million times, Sunny. Thanks though.”

“But I mean it. This—“ She moved her hands. “—it’s slowly destroying you. You’re not meant to be caged.”

“Caged.” Sunggyu laughed at that.

Sunny stayed serious. “I’ve seen what this does to you. Geez, everyone has seen it since you’re all over the news lately looking half-dead.”

He grimaced. “It’s not the company’s fault. I have a problem, Sunny. I’m sick but I’m trying to get better.”

“You’re fighting the symptom but not the cause, Gyu. Why did you turn to drinking? You know the answer.” The singer opened his mouth but she put a finger on his lips. “Really think about it. I’ll leave you alone again and give you some space. But you can talk to me anytime you need, okay?”

Sunggyu gave her a grateful smile. It wasn’t easy to talk about the emptiness that consumed him at times. When she was gone, he let his fingers rest on the keys once more. He picked up the melody from before and hummed along. From time to time he stopped to write something in his notebook. When an idea hit him, Sunggyu picked up the recorder and pressed the red button. He set it down and started to play once more.

“Just wait a little longer
Because things will be alright
Just watch over me a little longer
Because I’ll be fixed

I’m sorry
I made things so hard for you these days
I’m sorry My baby I’m sorry…”

He continued to play although the lyrics in his mind still had a few holes, but it was important to record the thoughts that were on his mind.

“But hold me
Because I feel like I’ll go crazy
I’m so afraid
hold me don’t leave me

I believe that I’ll overcome
That this will all pass
When darkness passes
I’ll be able to see us again”

Sunggyu jumped when his phone suddenly alerted him of a new message. He relaxed his muscles and pulled the phone out of his left pocket. There was one new message from an unknown number. The singer frowned because only his family, close friends and the people from the company even had this number.  Sunggyu unlocked it and warily opened the message. He just hoped fans hadn’t found out his number again. Last time that happened, it ended in a mess and he had to change his number. It was only one message though and not a sea of them like last time.

“Hello, this is Nam Woohyun—“ Sunggyu read out loud and raised an eyebrow in surprise. “I wanted to apologize for my behavior on our ‘date’. We’ve both made mistakes, so let’s call it quits? We should try and get along. How about we meet up in private? We could exercise being civil around each other.”

He snorted. “What’s this? Did his manager tell him to say that?”

[ Fine, let’s call it quits. Is this your company’s idea? ]

[[ No, it’s not. I have my own ideas. ]]

[ But our companies plan the dates. I don’t know if it’s wise to meet up, considering we almost ruined the plan last time. Let me ask my manager if he can schedule another date. ]

[[ Why does he need to know? We can schedule it ourselves. The company will profit if we get along better. ]]

[ Now I’m starting to think you’ve got ulterior motives. Are you trying to lure me into your home all alone? I told you I’m not into men. ]

This time no reply came. Woohyun had replied unnaturally fast before but now Sunggyu was punished with silence. Yes, punished, because apparently he was a huge dick.

[ Woohyun? I’m sorry. ]

[ Hello?? ]

[ I didn’t mean to accuse you of anything… ]

[[ You’re a self-centered asshole. Did anyone ever tell you that? I’m not even into you. Ew. ]]

Ew?! Sunggyu stared at his phone in offense. [ Ew?? What’s that supposed to mean? ]

[[ ;) So what about the date? ]]

[ You still want to meet up? Okay, fine. Where? ] Ew! I’ll show you ‘ew’!

[[ Since you’re big straight guy afraid of entering a gay man’s apartment. How about I come over to your place tonight and we watch a movie together or something? ]]

[ I’ll text you the address. Just don’t reveal it on social media or something. ]

[[ Oops, just posted it on Facebook. My bad. ]]

[ Haha. So funny. ]

[[  That’s me. Can you cook? ]]

[ I can cook water. ]

[[ Just what I expected. I’ll bring groceries for a proper meal. You could probably use one anyways. I saw some old pictures of you and your cheeks were so chubby. You were cute. What happened? ]]

He huffed. [ Life. ]

[[ What a deep answer. Let’s talk about it some more tonight. ]]

[ If you don’t stop making fun of me, you can watch movies alone tonight. ]

[[  Okay, Mr. Grumpy. I’ll be there at 7. ]]

Sunggyu shook his head in disbelief. He locked his phone and put it on the piano. Without noticing it, he was smiling to himself. He could still save this. Woohyun was a bit mean and childish but maybe he was exactly what Sunggyu needed. He couldn’t remember the last time he had met up with any of his friends. With anyone at all. He had gone to clubs but that was it. When was the last time I even talked to my friends, my family?

He turned a few pages in his notebook until he found an empty page. Then he started to play something different and, perhaps, a little lighter.

~ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ~

Woohyun rang the doorbell for the fourth time. He tapped his shoe on the floor impatiently. Was Sunggyu knocked out from alcohol again? He didn’t want to think so lowly of the other man but the pianist could picture this happening. Just when he was about to call the other man, Sunggyu finally opened the door. He smiled sheepishly. “Hey. Sorry, I was still under the shower. Didn’t hear the doorbell.”

This time he wasn’t wearing ripped jeans but gray sweatpants and a simple black shirt. Everything seemed like two sizes too big for him but Woohyun could understand wanting to feel comfortable at home. “Hey. So, can I come in?”

Sunggyu noticed he was blocking the way. He stepped away from the door and shuffled ahead. “Just leave your shoes here. Do you get cold feet? I have slippers if you want.”

He noticed the idol was wearing slippers as well and, shockingly, they were pink. Woohyun lifted an eyebrow and the corners of his mouth twitched. Sunggyu noticed where he was looking. “I—uh—my mom bought them for me. They’re super soft and keep my feet warm, okay. I get cold feet real fast. And it’s from my mom. You don’t throw away presents from your mom.”

“You don’t have to explain yourself to me. Pink is no color exclusive to women and gay men.” Still, Woohyun couldn’t help but smile in amusement. “Your fans should see you like this.”

Sunggyu made a face. “I’m going to regret inviting you over, aren’t I?”

“It’s cool. They will be our secret. Whenever I’ll have to smile for the camera, I’ll picture this in my mind.”

The singer shook his head and walked away. Woohyun followed after him and looked around curiously. “Pretty cool apartment. Though, maybe, a little…big?”

Sunggyu shrugged. “The rent is okay and I’m safe from the fans, so I like it here.”

Woohyun was led directly into the kitchen. “Just tell me what you need and I’ll see what I can do.”

“I’ll enjoy ordering you around.” He started listing things he needed and Sunggyu moved to get them. There were some things he just didn’t have but Woohyun would manage somehow.

“You can sit down. I’ll do the rest.” Woohyun said when he had everything he needed at hand.

“Doesn’t it look weird if I just sit there and do nothing while you work?”

“I’m used to cooking alone and, don’t take it personally, I think you would only be in the way.” Woohyun shrugged and started with cutting the vegetables.

Sunggyu lifted his brows but didn’t argue. He sat down on one of the chairs in the kitchen and observed the younger man. “So what made you suddenly initiate a meeting? I had a feeling you were pretty mad at me yesterday.”

“I treated you unfairly and I shouldn’t have attacked your weakness simply because of my own prejudices.” Woohyun said without looking at him. “Just like you had a certain image of a gay man in your mind, I had this image of you and it was hard to look past it. When you talked about giving me advice on the piano, my pride was hurt because I let my prejudices get the better off me. Gongyoo-hyung scolded me this morning. He also told me I was wrong thinking you knew nothing about the piano.”

Woohyun turned his head when no reply came but Sunggyu wasn’t looking at him. The singer seemed to be staring at the tabletop. “Are you listening?”

He noticed Sunggyu’s hands were shaking slightly. “Hey, are you okay?”

The pianist dropped the knife and walked over to Sunggyu. When he touched the singer’s shoulder, he seemed to snap out of it. Sunggyu gave him a wild, almost panicked look. “Sorry, what did you say?”

Woohyun frowned. “The thing about you giving me advices on the piano – I was apologizing to you because I was wrong in thinking you know nothing about it. Are you really alright?”

“Oh, yeah. How did you find out?”

“Well, as I said, my manager gave me a lecture and I kind of checked your biography. Even found videos of you as a kid. I was a dick thinking a rock idol couldn’t possibly know shit about classical music but you were pretty damn good as a kid.”

Sunggyu smiled sadly. “That was a long time ago. I don’t think many people know about it, so don’t worry.”

“Are you still playing?” When he was sure Sunggyu looked better, Woohyun continued cooking their meal.

“Actually, yes I do. Just in private though.”

Woohyun glanced over his shoulder. “You don’t play the piano for your fans?”

The singer shrugged. “The company didn’t think it would suit the image they’re trying to sell. So don’t feel sorry for falling into the trap. Sometimes… I guess sometimes I even fall for it myself.”

Sunggyu’s gaze turned dark and distanced again. Woohyun noticed he had his hands balled into fists but before he could say anything, the older man excused himself and left the room. He was tempted to follow but decided against it. They barely knew each other after all. But strangely enough, they got along better than the day before. Maybe because it wasn’t a fake date schedule planned by their companies? Plus, they were inside and didn’t have to act like something they weren’t. Sunggyu also felt different though. Woohyun wasn’t sure yet who the real Sunggyu was. Right now he didn’t seem like such a dick. ‘Don’t feel sorry for falling into the trap. I guess sometimes I even fall for it myself.’ He looked at the empty kitchen chair and frowned.

By the time the singer returned, Woohyun had already finished cutting all the vegetables and the meat. The stew was cooking on the stove when Sunggyu sat down again. He looked a little paler than before. “Sorry for that. My stomach is acting up.”

Woohyun glanced at the pot shortly. “Oh, I hope you can handle the stew then.”

They sat down at the kitchen table and silence engulfed them until Woohyun thought he had to do something against the depressing mood. “We should get together someday – to play the piano I mean. Maybe I can really learn something from you, at least Gongyoo seemed to think that.”

“I’m not a teacher or anything. I probably sounded pretty condescending yesterday but I’ve been there: playing perfectly, never deviating from the score. At the start I felt special but I learned that I wasn’t. You’re no doubt a better pianist than me but I can see myself in you.” Sunggyu smiled sadly. “I just wanted to help you.”

Woohyun nodded. “I didn’t understand that yesterday. But my manager is right. You have a similar background but now you do the opposite kind of music. Maybe opposites can teach each other. We’re both musicians at heart.”

The pianist had to admit that he didn’t really think of Sunggyu as a musician when he first heard about him. Rock music was just…strange to him. It was loud and noisy most of the time. And more than often, the lead singers of these bands couldn’t play an instrument at all. They didn’t even write their own music, at least those were Woohyun’s prejudices. Perhaps he was wrong.

Sunggyu’s smile was a little tentative this time. “Sounds good. I have this place I sometimes visit when I want to play the piano. Maybe we can go there someday.”

“That’s a date.” Woohyun gave him a playful wink and this time the older man didn’t react with open dislike, instead he laughed lightly. It sounded nice.

~ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ~

Sunggyu leaned against the door when Woohyun was gone. He closed his eyes shortly but nausea overcame him immediately. The singer ran to the bathroom and threw up once more. With shaking hands, he cleaned his face and mouth afterwards. Sunggyu looked at himself in the mirror and wondered if Woohyun had noticed anything. He had gone to the bathroom a few times during the movie but the pianist hadn’t commented on it. Sunggyu had managed to convince him it was just an upcoming cold or something. In reality though, Sunggyu feared it was worse. He had been itching for a drop of alcohol ever since he came home. He was sure that it was only thanks to Woohyun that he hadn’t gone out to buy a bottle or two. Sunggyu couldn’t control his shaking hands and all the vomiting made him dizzy. He was sure there was nothing of the stew left in his stomach by now, which was kind of sad considering it had tasted amazing.

He decided to go to bed early and shuffled towards the bedroom. Sunggyu pulled of his shirt and let his body fall onto the soft mattress. He threw the blanket over his body and turned on the side. The singer closed his eyes but sleep didn’t seem to come to him. He waited and waited but his brain just didn’t seem to shut off. When he started sweating, Sunggyu pushed the blanket down to his hips. He rolled onto his back and tried to sleep once more, but no matter what he did, he couldn’t fall asleep. Sunggyu sighed and stared at the ceiling in the dark.

After about two hours of rolling around in bed, Sunggyu stood up and changed into his outdoor clothes. He grabbed his keys, slipped into his shoes and then sneaked out of the apartment. Before he knew it, Sunggyu was standing in front of his favorite bar. When he noticed what he was doing, the singer stopped and walked away a few steps. What are you doing here? You promised yourself to stop drinking. You haven’t touched a drop in two days. Don’t get weak now. But the thought of a nice cold beer seemed very tempting. Sunggyu gnawed on his lower lip. He paced back and forth for a while, torn between giving in to his desire or turning around to go home. What would he do at home though? He was unable to sleep. Alcohol always helped him sleep.

Sunggyu just made up his mind to go home when a big figure appeared in front of him. He jumped slightly and got ready to run but then he recognized the man. “Kangdae?”

The taller man gave him a smirk. “I knew I’d find you here. Thirsting for a bottle, huh?”

He frowned. “What are you doing here?”

Kangdae laughed. “It’s part of the deal Jungyeop did that you can’t drink any alcohol. Do you think he would trust you to keep your promise? Ha!”

Sunggyu felt anger rise inside of him. Did Jungyeop think so little of him? “You’re watching me?!”

“Caught you red-handed too.” His smirk only grew wider.

“You didn’t catch me doing anything but taking a walk! I haven’t entered the bar and I was about to head home before you spooked me.” Sunggyu turned away before he could do something stupid like hitting the other man.

He started to walk away but Kangdae grabbed his arm and forced him to turn around again. “Ouch! What do you think you’re—“

Kangdae put his face close to Sunggyu’s and the singer shut his mouth under his hard gaze. “I know you, Sunggyu. You’re weak. Your mind is filled with thoughts of alcohol and I can see in your eyes how badly you need a drink. You’re a hopeless addict.”

Sunggyu stared at him with wide eyes. He wanted to speak up and say that it wasn’t like that, but his tongue wasn’t playing along. He couldn’t even get his jaw to move. There were no words coming to his mind because Kangdae was right. He wanted a glass so badly. Just one, he told himself, but it had never ended at one.

The older man smiled. “But I’m not a heartless person. Unlike that idealist Jungyeop and his follower Jungryul I know you can’t change. I know you need that little drop of alcohol to keep functioning. I’m not the devil, Sunggyu. I can be your friend. I can help you through this.”

Kangdae let go of him and pulled a small bottle out. Sunggyu licked his lips when he read the label. “W-What are you doing?”

“You can have it. It will stay between us.”

“N-No! You’re supposed to keep me from drinking! Stop it.” He was breathing hard by now. Just being so close to a bottle of alcohol made Sunggyu weak. He closed his eyes but then Kangdae pushed the bottle into his hands. Sunggyu didn’t want it but when the older man’s hands disappeared, he held onto the bottle unconsciously. The singer felt like crying out loud.

“Isn’t it better if I send you home with one little bottle before you enter a bar and drink yourself into oblivion? No one needs to know. You can just take a little sip at home.” Kangdae said and he sounded like a devil to Sunggyu.

He suppressed a whimper. “Please take it back.”

Kangdae shrugged and took a few steps back. “You can throw it away any time. You can just let go of it. But you can’t, can you? You’re weak, just accept it.”

The taller man left and Sunggyu saw him get into his car before driving off. The singer looked around helplessly. Two people left the bar and he hastily hid the bottle inside of his coat, afraid someone would recognize him and take a picture of Kim Sunggyu with just another bottle of alcohol. “Fuck…fuck fuck fuck!”

In the end, he didn’t throw it away but he also didn’t drink from it. Sunggyu it hid far, far in his closet where he hoped Jungryul would never find it if he decided to raid his home to check for alcohol. He went back to bed but didn’t find any sleep. Sometime around 6 am exhaustion knocked him out.





He woke up to the insistent ringing of his phone. Sunggyu groaned because the sound gave him a headache. He rolled over and blindly reached out with his hand to grab the phone. After some searching, his hand found the object of annoyance. Sunggyu opened one eye to glance at the screen. Jungryul was calling him. His eyes widened when he remembered there was a schedule for today. Sunggyu sat up and answered the call. “I’m so—“

“Do you know what time it is?!” The manager shouted angrily. “I’ve called you like 10 times!”

“I was out like a light and didn’t hear it, sorry, hyung. I couldn’t sleep all night…”

“Well, I sure hope you didn’t spend your night drinking.”

Sunggyu flinched. His thoughts wandered to the bottle in his closet but he hadn’t touched it. “Do you not trust me at all? I can’t believe you even told Kangdae to babysit me!”

“How can we trust you when you’ve repeatedly disappointed us? You told us you’ve stopped drinking more times than I can count. Last Monday made it clear you needed someone to watch you.” Jungryul sighed tiredly. “Are you dressed? Kangdae is waiting in the car to take you here. Hurry up because the photographer is this close to leaving.”

“Wait, about Ka—“ But his manager had already hung up. Sunggyu cursed out loud. He was tempted to throw his phone through the room but stopped last second.

The thought of riding in the same car as Kangdae scared him somehow. Sunggyu had never seen him like last night and he was still angry at the other man for pushing a bottle of alcohol into his hands. Who did that to someone who wanted to stop drinking? He really needed to talk to Jungryul or even Jungyeop about it. Kangdae said he wanted to ‘help’ but Sunggyu didn’t believe him.

Nevertheless, he had a schedule to go to and Jungryul would never listen to him if he took any longer. Sunggyu swallowed hard and then climbed out of bed. With shaky limbs, he made his way to the bathroom to freshen up. He hurried to make himself look presentable to the public, though they’d be putting make-up on him before the shoot anyways. Sunggyu quickly dressed and grabbed his things, before hurrying out of the building. Kangdae was waiting in the usual black van and Sunggyu slipped into the passenger’s seat.

The older man gave him a knowing smirk. “You drank it all, huh? Knocked you out good I guess.”

Sunggyu’s hands tightened around the seatbelt. “I didn’t drink anything. The bottle is gone and I’ll tell Jungryul about this.”

“Oh, how scary.” Kangdae started the engine with a chuckle. “Who do you think will believe you? I’m tasked with keeping you from drinking. You’re a hopeless drunk. Do you notice how ridiculous you even sound?”

The singer was speechless. Kangdae was an asshole but the worst thing was that he was right. Would anyone even believe him? Right now Jungryul and the company didn’t trust him at all. A hand patted his thigh and Sunggyu pushed it away in anger. Kangdae smiled. “Don’t worry I’ve got your back. I won’t say a thing as long as you do the same.”

“Just like Monday?” He asked warily.

The other man looked at him in surprise. “You remember that?”

Kangdae’s gaze turned darker, perhaps worried. “What do you remember?”

Sunggyu gulped. “E—Everything.”

“You’re such a bad liar. Who told you I was there?”

He gnawed on his lower lip and refused to reply. Kangdae hit the steering wheel. “You stupid b—! You’re the one that called me that night and asked me to bring you some alcohol.”

His eyes widened. “I didn’t call you!”

“Yes, you did! You cried, you damn addict, begged me to help you out. It’s not my fault you can’t control yourself and drank too much. So think twice about stabbing me in the back.”

Sunggyu wrecked his head for even the slightest memory but there was nothing. It was just a big hole. He couldn’t even trust himself. He wouldn’t put it past himself to give in and call someone to help him get new alcohol. Monday had been rough.

Kangdae smiled as they continued to drive to their destination and Sunggyu just brooded in silence.





“There you are! The photographer was about to leave.” Jungryul greeted them as they entered. “Damn, Sunggyu, you look like you crawled out of some grave!”

He shrugged tiredly. “Couldn’t sleep.”

“I hope it was only that.” The manager muttered and glanced at Kangdae.

The older man smiled. “He didn’t leave his home last night. In fact, he was busy with his date.”

Jungryul frowned and Sunggyu paled further. “I-It wasn’t a date! Woohyun came over and we talked about things. We made up. That’s what you guys wanted.”

“You met up with Nam Woohyun? Don’t just set up meetings without consulting us first. We have a plan that we follow.” His manager sighed. “We don’t have time to discuss this right now. Let’s go. The make-up artists have to achieve a miracle today, I fear. Kangdae, get that boy a coffee or two.”

The tall man nodded and left them alone. Sunggyu sighed in relief and followed Jungryul. He was pushed into a chair and then the stylists were all over him. Like Jungryul, they commented on his pale and sickly look but they were masters at their job. Make-up layer over layer was added until Sunggyu looked good again. Meanwhile, the singer was somewhere else in his thoughts. He could feel his hands shaking again and the lights all around were hurting his eyes. It was like last night again and he was worried about throwing up again, since the nausea was picking up.

When a cup of coffee was pushed into his hand by one of the girls, Sunggyu accepted it without thinking. He drank a sip and the warm liquid rushed to his stomach. He sighed in relief. The more of his coffee he drank, the better he felt. His vision got better and the shaking in his hands stopped. Sunggyu finished it in a flash and the stylist doing his hair chuckled. “Never seen anybody drink their coffee that fast. Wasn’t it hot?”

“Kinda, but I needed this. Didn’t sleep a lot.” He gave her a smile.

She looked over her shoulder. “Kangdae, do you have another one? Sunggyu’s already finished his coffee and I think he’d appreciate another one.”

Sunggyu froze in his seat. Suddenly, the coffee in his stomach felt rather heavy. Kangdae walked over to them with a grin. “Sure, honey. Here Sunggyu. I knew you’d love the coffee. I told them to add your favorite.”

He stared at the coffee cup like it was poison. Sunggyu felt the urge to throw up. He hadn’t tasted it because of the sweetness but there was no doubt in his mind what Kangdae meant. There was alcohol in the coffee. No wonder he had felt relieved, felt better. Sunggyu realized he had started to feel the withdrawal symptoms, proof that he was on his good way to fight his addiction. Now it was all ruined. “You—“

Kangdae gave him a challenging look and Sunggyu hit the cup out of his hands. It fell down and the content spread over the floor. “Sunggyu!”, the stylist exclaimed.

“Sorry my hand slipped.” He glared at the tall man.

“Don’t worry, I can buy you another one.”

“No thanks.” Sunggyu stood up. “Can I change my clothes now, Minzy?”

She put something on his lips. “Now you’re good. Your clothes are in the changing booth.”

He quickly fled the scene and hid himself in the small booth. Sunggyu screamed silently, mad at Kangdae for tricking him into drinking alcohol and mad at himself for falling for the trick and liking the coffee. For feeling better after drinking it. He had to tell someone, but who would believe him? For some reason Woohyun was the first one that came to his mind. They barely knew each other but after yesterday Sunggyu thought they had some kind of connection. Despite the withdrawal symptoms, it had felt good to hang out with Woohyun. The pianist had distracted him from his need to drink something. Once they had overcome their differences, they actually discovered they had a lot of things in common. Woohyun had stayed when Sunggyu begged him not to leave back then at the company. He had believed in Sunggyu being able to change himself, to overcome his addiction.

[ Woohyun, please, we have to talk. Meet up? ]

“Sunggyu, are you done?” Minzy called from the other side.

The singer quickly put his phone away and started to change his clothes. “Just a second!”

~ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ~

Woohyun only saw the message in the afternoon. He had spent his whole morning practicing on the piano and trying to change his play style. Sunggyu’s message surprised him because he hadn’t expected the older man to ask for another meeting so soon. The ‘please’ sounded kind of concerning.

[ Is it urgent? I think our companies have set up another meeting for tomorrow. ]

It was his turn to wait because Sunggyu didn’t immediately reply. Woohyun checked the singer’s SNS accounts and almost choked on his own spit. Sunggyu’s fans were going wild over pictures of them. It seemed like the girl he spotted across the street really did take pictures. There were some of them with linked arms, the almost kiss on the ear and even one from behind, when Woohyun had his head on Sunggyu’s shoulder. So far it seemed like no one recognized Woohyun though. The pianist wasn’t sure if he should feel annoyed or relieved at that. Kids these days! Don’t they listen to classical music anymore?

The fans seemed to be sure though that the covered up guy was Kim Sunggyu. One fan commented how she was able to recognize him from his butt alone, which Woohyun found kind of disturbing, but his gaze did go to Sunggyu’s butt in the picture to find out if it looked different from other ones. He definitely had a nice butt but to recognize it in a crowd? Woohyun shook his head. Was this what Sunggyu wanted to talk about? But all the tweets and posts seemed to be from like an hour ago and the message from Sunggyu was much older.

Just then a news article popped up “Kim Sunggyu – a new dating scandal?” and Woohyun wondered if journalists had nothing better to do. The guy writing the article was a dick and dragged Sunggyu for being lovey-dovey with a man in public, clearly a homophobe. The comment section was already filling with fans that were very protective of their idol, though some seemed disappointed or even angry at Sunggyu for apparently dating a man. Woohyun wondered if Woollim’s plan was really going to work out. Had they planned this through or was Sunggyu just the sacrificial lamb they’d throw under the bus if the plan failed?

His phone vibrated from a new message. [[ No, sorry, it’s okay. Let’s talk tomorrow then. ]]

[ You okay? Did you see your SNS? ]

[[ Yeah. The fans are going nuts. They want to know who you are. Should I post a hint? ]]

[ Like what? ]

[[ Check my twitter account. ]]

He laughed out loud when he saw the tweet. [ A tree and a piano emoji? ]

[[ I noticed your name sounds like tree. Namu and his piano. ]]

[ I’m kind of offended not even the journalist hating on you knows my name. ]

[[ They’ll know it soon enough and you’re going to wish that they didn’t. Exposure sounds great until you have too much of it. ]]

[ What are you doing at the moment? ]

[[ Hiding. ]]

[ From your fans? ]

[[ No. I have a schedule but I don’t want to go. There’s someone I don’t want to meet. ]]

[ Someone you slept with? ]

[[ God, no. I’ll tell you tomorrow. I just need to survive today. Have to go, they found me. Bye Namu. ]]

Woohyun smiled at the nickname. Sunggyu wasn’t the first one to use it but it was strange to hear it from him. It almost sounded like they were friends and maybe they could be. They got along better now after butting heads together. Sunggyu was easy to talk to now, though sometimes Woohyun felt like the other man was hiding something. Like his thoughts were somewhere else – somewhere dark.

[ If you call me Namu, I’ll call you Gyu. Don’t we sound like a couple already? ]





Tomorrow came faster than expected. Woohyun woke up to a surprise. Since the fans and newspapers already caught wind of their possible relationship, their companies decided to move things forward a bit. This morning, they confirmed the two men were dating to the press. Woohyun wished someone had asked him before the change of plans but now the ‘truth’ was out. Their names were all over the internet. Woohyun had never gotten that much attention before, especially since most of his audience didn’t even use the internet a lot. Sunggyu’s fans were flocking to his own SNS account and flooding him with messages. They were a mix of supporting messages but also a huge amount of hate. Now Woohyun understood what Sunggyu had meant with his message yesterday.

People called him a ‘nugu’, someone unimportant and small. Others attacked him because he had ‘brainwashed their oppa’ and turned him gay. It was no secret that Woohyun was gay, so of course they’d spread stupid things like that. He was used to people attacking his sexuality but some of these fans were…worrying. The pianist checked the LGBT communities. Many seemed very supportive, especially since Korea was still one of the countries lagging behind when it came to equality of same-sex couples. They were accepted now but didn’t have the same rights. A lot of people seemed doubtful of the relationship though, especially since Sunggyu always insisted he wasn’t into men and they dug up plenty of his past comments about gay people that were anything but nice. Woohyun grimaced. They definitely had some work to do.

He looked at the message Gongyoo sent him. [Woollim will do a press conference at 11 am. You should pick Sunggyu up with your car and then come here together. Be a supportive boyfriend.]

Woohyun sighed. It wasn’t that he hated the thought of seeing Sunggyu but rather the whole ‘fake relationship’ thing. It would be easier to act like a couple now that they got along but it was a weird feeling to deceive the public, his own fans, like that. Still, he couldn’t deny his name had never been this high in the top searches. Their names were both trending in the top 10. He definitely had the public’s attention now.





In front of Sunggyu’s apartment complex, there was a mob of journalists and fans. Woohyun wondered how he was going to get through them but then Sunggyu came out of the building, guarded by two bulky men. The pianist stopped his car at the side and watched as they made their way through the crowd and towards his car. Fans and journalists seemed unaware of his presence since they were too eager to get close to Sunggyu to talk to him. Woohyun got out of the car to greet his ‘boyfriend’ when Sunggyu was close enough. The crowd seemed to explode when they noticed Woohyun was there as well. The two guards did their best to keep them back while journalists shouted questions over their heads.

He greeted Sunggyu with an honest smile and opened his arms for him. Luckily, Sunggyu played along and came into his arms. They hugged for the cameras and Woohyun turned them to protect Sunggyu from the cameras, just like a protective boyfriend would. The singer seemed strangely clingy and compliant, just hiding his face against Woohyun’s neck. “We’ll be answering your questions at the press conference. Please don’t bother him at home.”, the pianist said and surprised himself at how firm he sounded.

Woohyun got Sunggyu into the car and then made his way around the vehicle to sit down on the driver’s seat again. The noises outside were quieter as soon as the car doors were closed. He turned on the ignition. “That’s a lot of people. Are you okay?”

Sunggyu glanced at him and Woohyun surprised to see unshed tears glistening in his eyes. “I drank alcohol yesterday. I didn’t want to- I swear. I don’t know what to do. No one will believe me.”, the singer spoke quickly in a panicked voice.

“Okay, slow down—“ One of the bodyguards knocked on the window and mouthed at Woohyun to drive already. The pianist felt conflicted but he also didn’t want the journalists and fans to see Sunggyu break down in his car.

Woohyun decided to drive away from the scene. He looked at Sunggyu when they hit a red traffic light. “Why did you do it?”

“Don’t look at me like that!” Sunggyu cried out and grabbed his hair in frustration. “I thought you would listen to me, believe me.”

“Okay, hey, start at the beginning. I’m not judging you, I swear. I’ll listen, Sunggyu.” He didn’t know what happened yesterday. When they had parted ways last time, Sunggyu had been sickly but in a good mood. Even during their messages yesterday he had sounded alright, though he mentioned hiding from someone. Now he was breaking down in Woohyun’s car. Woohyun could only guess it was the alcohol that made Sunggyu such a wreck.

The singer balled his hands into fists. “When you were at my home, I…I didn’t feel well because I had stopped consuming alcohol and I didn’t notice it back then but I was experiencing withdrawal symptoms. I was unable to sleep at night and I ended up walking to a bar, but I didn’t go in. You have to believe me.”

Woohyun nodded but he could only glance at Sunggyu from time to time since he had to keep his eyes on the street. “I believe you, go on.”

“I was about to go home when I ran into Kangdae.”

“Kangdae, who’s that?”

“One of my managers, well, he’s more like my driver and now babysitter. He confronted me and said he was supposed to keep me away from alcohol, but instead he gave me this bottle of rum. I didn’t want it but he gave it to me and I—I couldn’t throw it away. He told me I was weak and that he knew it was impossible to keep me from drinking, so he would supply me with alcohol in secret.”

Woohyun stopped the car at the side of the street. “What?!”

His reaction made Sunggyu fully break down. The singer doubled over and started sobbing. “He was right about me. Yesterday I had this photoshoot and he gave me coffee with alcohol in it. I didn’t even notice at first but my withdrawal symptoms were lessening and I was starting to feel real good again. I-I was dodging him all day because I thought he’d tempt me again, but he didn’t have to. I couldn’t sleep again and I—I opened the bottle of rum and drank like half of it. I’m weak, Woohyun. I’m a mess. I can’t do this.”

“He gave you alcohol again? Without telling you?” Woohyun asked in disbelief. Sunggyu nodded meekly. “That’s not okay, geez, and certainly not your fault! You’re trying to stay dry and he pushed you to drink. You have to tell your company about this!”

The singer shook his head. “They won’t believe me! I’m just a stupid drunk and liar. I’ve told them I’d stop so many times but I always started drinking again. I’m weak just like he said.”

“But you had stopped drinking until that bastard gave you the coffee! Fuck, Sunggyu, I’ve never been addicted to anything but I can imagine what it would be like to hold yourself back for days and then suddenly you get it offered to you. How could anyone refuse? You’re not weak. I barely know you but I know one thing about you – you’re stubborn and you love your music. If not for the coffee, you wouldn’t have caved in again.”

Sunggyu scoffed. “But even before the coffee…remember when I came to the meeting hung over and reeking of alcohol? Kangdae told me that I called him Monday night and asked him to bring me alcohol, because Jungryul made me throw everything away. I called him! It’s just another example of how weak I am. Fuck!”

He started to have a bad feeling about that man, this Kangdae. “So he told you that you called him? Or do you actually remember?”

“I-I don’t remember anything. I was too drunk. But he was probably right-”

“Give me your phone.” Woohyun said.

Sunggyu looked up at him with red eyes and gave him a confused look. Woohyun held out his hand. “Unlock it and give it to me.”

The rock idol seemed too tired to protest and did as told. Woohyun opened his call history and looked for Monday. “Here. You didn’t call him. There’s no call at all that night.”

He gave the phone back to Sunggyu and the older man looked at it. Woohyun took a deep breath. “Sunggyu, I think something is wrong with this guy. He has you totally manipulated into believing anything he says and he makes you drink alcohol against your will. You’re being abused, Sunggyu. This needs to end. We need to tell someone. How long has this been going on? Maybe that guy even made you addicted in the first place!”

“Made me addicted?” Sunggyu paled and his gaze went distanced.

“Hey, stay with me okay?” Woohyun grabbed his hand and gave it a squeeze.

The older man looked down. “No one will believe me.”

“I believe you!”

Sunggyu glanced at him and the pianist smiled comfortingly. “If you’re scared maybe we can, I don’t know, trick him somehow?”

The singer pulled back his hand and wiped his eyes, sniffling he sat up straight again. “It—I think he likes to brag about it. When we’re alone, he says those things. Do you really think he’s been doing this for a while?”

Woohyun sighed. “I have no idea. How long has he been your driver?”

Sunggyu tried to remember. “I’m not sure. Sorry.”

“It’s fine.” Both of them jumped when Sunggyu’s phone suddenly rang.

The older man fished it out of his pocket. “It’s Jungryul. He’s probably wondering where we are. We should go.”

Woohyun looked at the street and then back at Sunggyu. He grinned suddenly. “How about we drive somewhere else instead?”

Sunggyu blinked. “Huh? Woohyun, the press conference-“

“Just tell your manager I’ve kidnapped you.”

“Wh-“ Woohyun took the phone from him and answered the call. “Hello, this is Woohyun. Yes, Sunggyu is with me. No, we’re not coming. I think you can do the press con fine by yourselves since you guys have written our story anyways. I’m kidnapping Sunggyu for the day, bye bye.”

Sunggyu stared at him in disbelief. Woohyun shrugged and threw the phone into his lap. “Don’t look at me like that. You can use a break. I don’t think you would handle the journalists’ questions well right now and what are they going to think if your boyfriend drops you off with puffy eyes from crying?”

The singer sank into his seat with a sigh and closed his eyes as he leaned against the window. “Whatever.”

But Woohyun caught him smiling.

~ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ~

Woohyun was weird, he thought. He was nice and comforting. He believed him and didn’t laugh at him for breaking down like that. Sunggyu was starting to feel safe with him. He felt…happy, which was strange in itself. He couldn’t remember the last time he had been genuinely happy, aside from the fulfilling moments on stage. Woohyun was so easy to like somehow. Sunggyu wasn’t sure why the younger man put up with him when this wasn’t even a ‘date’ dictated by their companies. He looked around at the beautiful beach. Woohyun had taken them all the way to Gangneung. Two hours that had been filled with radio music and some singing along from both sides. Woohyun had a good voice and the singer wondered why the younger man only played the piano. Sunggyu wouldn’t have minded hearing Woohyun sing a little more.

He spotted Woohyun somewhere to his right, finally on his way back with ice-cream in his hands. He had left Sunggyu alone at the beach to buy it. Ice cream was a must at a beach, Woohyun had said. Sunggyu sighed as another wave of cool water touched his toes. He turned his gaze back to the ocean. It really was relaxing to just sit in the sand barefoot and enjoy the sun. Jungryul and Jungyeop were probably seething but Sunggyu hadn’t turned his phone on again since Woohyun turned it off. He couldn’t find it in him to care at the moment. Whenever he thought of returning home, he thought about Kangdae and it made him afraid. Had he really been manipulating him for far longer than Sunggyu thought? He had always thought all his relapses were because of his own weakness, but maybe they weren’t. That thought scared him but it also made him angry. Anger was good. It made him forget how frightened he was.

“Here’s your ice cream. Strawberry and vanilla.” Woohyun said as he sat down.

Sunggyu accepted the cone with a short smile. “Thanks. Do you come here often?”

“No, but I used to. My mom loved the beach here. She said it’s way prettier than the overcrowded beaches of Busan.” The pianist licked his ice cream while he watched the waves. Sunggyu thought he looked sad as well.

“Your mom…is she?”

Woohyun nodded. “Lung cancer. Sucks, huh? She used to be a singer.”

They ate their ice cream in silence for a while before Sunggyu dared to ask another question. “Why aren’t you singing as well? I heard you in the car. You’re pretty good.”

The younger man looked at him. “I usually don’t sing. I don’t know why I sang along in the car, actually. It’s weird. When my mom was sick in the hospital, she always asked me to sing for her and I did. On the day she died, she…she asked for one last song. I couldn’t. I was scared of singing because she said it was the last song she wanted to hear. I couldn’t give her what she needed and she died, just like that. And I regret not fulfilling her last wish. Singing has felt like a betrayal to her ever since.”

Sunggyu struggled to find the right words for a while. “I’m sure she understood it was too hard for you in that moment. If she liked to hear you sing so much, shouldn’t you spend every minute you can singing for her? I think she would be happy to hear it again.”

Woohyun didn’t reply and only stared at the waves as he continued to eat the ice cream. The singer nervously fidgeted in his spot. “Sorry, that was out of place.”

“You’re probably right. I guess I’m just a coward.”

“You? A coward?” Sunggyu had to laugh out loud. “You just kidnapped me!”

The pianist finally smiled again. “True. Maybe we’re both stronger than we think.”

Sunggyu looked back at the ocean. “About Kangdae…”

“I promise I’ll help you. We’re in this together, okay?”

“Okay, but then I’ll also promise something.” The older man turned around and held out his little finger. “I promise to make you sing again. You’ll sing that song you owe your mom.”

Woohyun linked their pinkies with a chuckle. “I didn’t take you for someone to do childish pinky promises.”

Suddenly, a girl’s squeal made them jump. They turned their heads and saw her standing behind them, phone in her hand and pointing at them with its camera. Sunggyu let out a quiet curse. “Let’s get out of here?”

“Yep. Let’s scram, Gyu.” Woohyun said and pulled him up by the hand. The older man was pulled along as Woohyun started running and dropped his ice cream cone in surprise. The pianist linked their fingers as the girl shouted after them to stop.

Sunggyu remembered his boots and socks were still sitting in the sand, but right now that didn’t matter anymore. Running down the beach with Woohyun felt like freedom and it was just what Sunggyu noticed he had been missing for a long time.





“Gyu?” Sunggyu asked in disbelief when they reached Woohyun’s car and got in.

The pianist shrugged and smiled sheepishly. “You’re the one who started with the nicknames.”

He tried cleaning his feet off the sand. It was actually kind of a disgusting feeling now that they had left the beach. “I left my stuff at the beach.”

“As long as you have your phone. You have the money to buy new shoes.” Woohyun turned his own phone on. “Hey, since we skipped the press conference, maybe we should give the press something to talk about.”

“You mean other than us not appearing at all?”

Woohyun opened the camera app and moved closer. “Let’s do a picture for the haters and non-believers.”

Sunggyu grimaced. “I don’t have any make-up on my face!”

“Not needed and there is something called filters, gramps.” The younger man put an arm around him, like always doing these skinship things like they meant nothing. Sunggyu started to feel warm from the other man’s body heat. “Come on, a couple picture.”

Sunggyu tried to calm his beating heart and looked into the camera for the picture. Woohyun snapped a picture but he pursed his lips. “Maybe something that looks less than two friends taking a pic?”

He turned his head to ask Woohyun what pose he wanted to do but right in that moment the pianist turned his face to kiss Sunggyu’s cheeks. Their lips ended up meeting midway and Woohyun’s finger tapped the shutter release right in that moment. A second later, they jumped away from each other. Sunggyu put a hand over his mouth. “Why did you do that!”

“I didn’t know you were going to move around! I wanted to kiss your cheek!” Woohyun’s cheeks were a little red and the singer could feel his own face heating up. His lips were tingling from the short touch and he wanted to feel like throwing up because he got a kiss from a guy, but that wasn’t what he was feeling.

“Well, that wasn’t my cheek!”

“No kidding, Sherlock!”

“You can’t post that picture.” Sunggyu muttered. “Delete it!”

“I know! I—“ Woohyun stopped talking and stared at something in front of them.

Sunggyu followed his gaze and saw a girl with a big camera facing their way. Definitely one of his fansites. “Fuck!”

He jumped out of the car. “Delete those pictures you took!”

She chose the clever option and ran away instead. Sunggyu followed her but then his bare feet started to hurt and he quickly stopped. “YAH! You can’t show them to anyone!”, he shouted, although he knew it was futile.

The singer kicked the air and walked back to the car. Woohyun gave him an apologetic look. “Sorry. It was an accident, I swear.”

“It’s fine.” Sunggyu mumbled and sank back into the seat. He turned on his own phone to check the news from the press conference.

Woohyun silently turned on the engine and started driving back home. There were about 80 missed calls on Sunggyu’s phone, most of them from his manager Jungryul and some from Jungyeop himself even. He could taste bile on his tongue when he realized Kangdae had also called him five times. He ignored the messages and voicemails, instead checking the news feed. The media seemed torn between supporting the new couple or condemning them. Of course the journalists were dragging them for not appearing to talk about the relationship themselves, but there were already fan accounts of fans popping up, claiming to have seen them in their car or the beach. Wild speculations arose about them running away for a date, which was – at least slightly – true.

Sunggyu’s phone rang again. Jungryul had probably gotten a notification that his number was available again. “I think I should answer that.”

Woohyun nodded. “Hey, it was all my decision, okay?”

He answered the call with a heavy heart. “Hi hyung.”

“Hi hyung?! Kim Sunggyu, where are you? I haven’t heard from you in hours! You can’t just disappear and turn your phone off. Do you know how worried I was?”

“Sorry. We’re on our way back to Seoul. The press conference-“

“We handled that. I’m just glad you’re alright. Can I talk to Woohyun for a moment?”

Sunggyu frowned. “He’s driving.”

Woohyun looked at him. “Does he want to talk to me? It’s okay.”

He gave the phone to the pianist and Woohyun slowed down the car a little. “Yes, it was my idea. – No. He didn’t drink anything at the beach, or before that. – Why would you think that? Can’t you trust him a little? You’re his manager for god’s sake. – I’m overstepping a line? He’s going through tough times and needs all the support he can get. Apparently, no one on your side really cares, so yeah, I took him to the beach for some distraction. – I did—”

Sunggyu took the phone from the younger man because he was getting really agitated. “Hey, I’m not finished!”

“You just concentrate on driving the car.” The singer felt grateful for Woohyun’s words but he had to stand up for himself. Plus, Jungryul wasn’t totally wrong with his accusations. Sunggyu had broken his vow last night and he regretted it deeply. Now he would have to start all over again. “I’m sorry, hyung. I won’t just disappear again.”

Jungryul sighed deeply. “Are you okay? Woohyun is probably right. I didn’t even stop to ask how you’re doing these past days. Have you had withdrawal symptoms? Maybe we should consult a doctor after all.”

“I’m better now. The beach was nice.” Sunggyu glanced at Woohyun and had to suppress a smile. His gaze fell to the pianist’s mouth and he quickly looked away. “I’ve experienced some discomfort, yeah. Maybe a doctor isn’t a bad idea. Just not the clinic. Okay?”

“Usually, you’re always against help from a doctor. Is this Woohyun’s influence? If yes, I’ve got to thank him.”

“I just realized that maybe I can’t do this alone. By the way, Jungryul-hyung, do you know when Kangdae joined the team?” Sunggyu felt his mouth go dry at the mention of the taller man.

“Uh, I think it was two years ago. Right after your Japan tour.”

He licked over his dry lips. “And my drinking habit? Did it also start two years ago?”

“Ye—I mean maybe. Sunggyu, why are you asking this? Is there something I should know?” He opened his mouth to reply but Kangdae’s voice rang in his mind. ‘Who will they believe – a drunk like you or a respectable adult like me? You’re just a liar to them.’ Sunggyu felt his throat tighten.

“It’s nothing. Let’s talk later, hyung. I’m kind of tired right now.” His eyes really were starting to feel heavy.

“Fine, but—Sunggyu, you know you can tell me if something is wrong? I’m sorry if I’ve pushed you away lately. Tell Woohyun to drive safely and send me a text when you’re home.” Jungryul sounded so genuinely worried that Sunggyu felt like telling him about Kangdae but the fear won once again.

“Okay. Bye.” The singer ended the call.

Woohyun shot him a concerned look. “I can’t believe he asked me if you were reeking off alcohol and that’s why I drove you somewhere else.”

“Well, he wasn’t totally wrong. I did break his trust yesterday.”

“Sunggyu, that wasn’t your fault! Kangdae pretty much drugged you with the alcohol in this coffee. After not drinking alcohol for so long, obviously you’d be thirsty for a glass and he turned your weakness against you. I mean imagine being a vampire and not drinking blood for a hundred years and then some ass comes and puts blood in your wine!”

He laughed slightly. Woohyun was so silly sometimes, but it did make his chest feel a little lighter. “I’m not a vampire though.”

“Are you sure? Because your fans seem to think you haven’t aged a day since your debut.” The pianist grinned at him. Yeah, definitely silly. But it gave Sunggyu the strength to smile again.





Someone shook his shoulder and woke him up. “We’ve arrived.”

He stirred awake and sat up properly. Sunggyu rubbed his eyes. “Sorry I fell asleep.”

“It’s okay. You must’ve been exhausted. Is there something like a back entrance? Reporters are still in front of your apartment complex.” Woohyun asked and the singer noticed they were parked further down the street.

“There’s an underground parking garage. The entrance is behind the building. I’ll guide you.” Sunggyu suppressed a yawn and told Woohyun where to drive.

There were a few people there as well and they recognized Woohyun’s car, but they couldn’t follow them into the parking garage. “I wonder if they’re in front of my home too.”

“Maybe you should hire a bodyguard now that you’re THE Kim Sunggyu’s boyfriend.” The singer said jokingly but deep down he really was a little worried if Woohyun was going to be alright. “You’ll be safe in your apartment, right?”

“I don’t know what you’re imagining but I’m not living in the slumps or anything. I’ll be fine.” Woohyun parked the car close to the door that led into the building.

Sunggyu loosened his seatbelt. “Thank you for today.”

The pianist smiled fondly. “Hey, any time you need me, just call, okay? I’m sorry for yesterday. I noticed something was wrong from your messages. You wanted to meet up and I shot you down like that.”

“It’s okay. I mean we haven’t even known each other for that long. You don’t have to jump when I ask to meet up.”

“Still, if I had been there-“

“Hey, we’re not in a real relationship, remember?” Sunggyu interrupted him jokingly.

“I’m not looking after you because of the deal our companies did. I genuinely care for you. We had a pretty bad start but now I know the real you and I think we have something between us. I— This kiss—“

Sunggyu’s heart raced and he panicked. “I’m not gay, Woohyun!”, he interrupted the other man. He felt like he couldn’t breathe. Fear made him delusional and he swore he could hear Kangdae laugh. It felt like he was in his thoughts. Was the kiss really an accident?

It felt like there was no air left in his lungs. Sunggyu got out of the car and ran towards the door, though Woohyun was calling after him. He swiped his card through the reader and quickly slipped through the door when it clicked open. The singer let it close behind him with a bang. He blinked the tears away and gasped for air. Sunggyu heard fists bang against the door. “Sunggyu, tell me what’s wrong. Are you okay?”

He leaned against the door but didn’t reply. Woohyun continued talking after he realized no reply would come. “I’m sorry if the kiss disgusted you so much. It really was an accident. I like you as a friend. I don’t know what just happened but don’t do anything stupid, okay? Call me or, if my sexuality is a problem, at least call your friends or family. Maybe even Jungryul. I think he’s a good guy. – Good night, Sunggyu.”

A moment later he could hear the engine of the car. Sunggyu cursed out loud and opened the door but it was too late. Woohyun’s car was gone.  He grabbed his hair. “God, I’m an idiot.”

Barefoot, he made his way up the stairs into the lobby. The security guard gave him a questioning look but Sunggyu just shrugged tiredly and called for the elevator. On his floor, he got off again and locked himself in his apartment. Sunggyu went over to the window and watched the tiny people below. How much he hated those journalists… Couldn’t they go and bother someone else? He wandered off into the bathroom to clean his feet and change his clothes, before throwing his body onto the couch.

Sunggyu turned on the TV to see if anyone was talking about their ‘outing’ and zapped through the channels. He did find a show in the middle of a special segment. They were showing the press conference at the moment and Sunggyu cringed when he heard Jungyeop tell the tragic story of how his recent ‘scandals’ were the result of his secret sexuality. The press seemed to eat the dramatic plot up. Sunggyu was just grateful they didn’t mention how much of a mess he really was. It was probably better for people to think of him as gay than having them pity him for being an alcohol addict. The screen suddenly went back to the two moderators on their couch.

“What do you think about this?” The female host asked her colleague.

“Well, gay couples have become more common these days, but not in the celebrity world. Many are still afraid of coming out and risking their career. There will be fans who will leave their idol’s side when a dating scandal comes out, gay relationship or not. It’s always a risk to date but even more so to date the same sex. As a celebrity, you’re always in the eye of the public. You’re sort of a model for a lot of people, especially to the younger generations. People expect these public figures to act a certain way – to be perfect and morally obliged.  Sometimes the same rules don’t get applied to them.”

“Do you think it’s true though? Kim Sunggyu has always been seen fooling around with women and even made a few homophobic remarks here and there.” The singer grimaced in front of the TV when they showed some video clips of him saying shit and even dug out some old tweets. Anxiously, he waited for the hosts’ reply.

“Sometimes singers are forced to act a certain way to keep their image up, especially when it is one the company dictates you. I think this could be such a case. If you have to force an image upon yourself for long enough, of course it will corrode you from the inside and eventually you’ll hit a wall. I believe this is real – or these two are pretty good actors. Just look at them together.”

And then they showed footage from this morning when Woohyun picked him up. Sunggyu groaned in embarrassment when he saw himself falling into the pianist’s arms and hiding his face in his shoulder. Then there was a picture from the beach, probably from the first girl they encountered, the one where they were doing the pinky promise. Then there was a less blurry, rather professional picture of the scenes in the car. Sunggyu’s heartbeat quickened when they showed the picture of their kiss. The fan really did manage to catch it perfectly. The crowd in the studio made an ‘awwww’ sound. Sunggyu unconsciously touched his lips.

“The two of them were on a lovey-dovey date it seems.” The female host giggled as she looked at the picture again. They were still showing the kiss on the screen in the background. “Isn’t this proof enough? A sweet kiss shared in private.”

The man laughed. “Until they were interrupted by a paparazzi.”

She smiled. “And then the SNS update from his boyfriend – so cute. I don’t know about you guys but I’m out here supporting #woogyu.”

Sunggyu’s eyes went wide when they showed another picture, this time a screenshot of a tweet from Woohyun. It said ‘Had to escape from the press today. Please respect our privacy. We’re sorry for keeping this from everyone but I hope you can support #woogyu’. And then there was a picture that had definitely been taken while Sunggyu was asleep. He was in the passenger’s seat, eyes closed with a relaxed expression. Woohyun was half-covering him with his body, confidently smiling into the camera while he held two fingers up to make a small heart.

The crowd cheered again. Sunggyu was speechless. He unlocked his phone and checked his Twitter account. Indeed, Woohyun had tagged him on his post. The tweet already had around 5000 retweets and 7000 likes. Sunggyu tapped on the hashtag and found people talking about them. There were some mean tweets but overall the mass seemed to be positive ones. There were people calling them a cute couple and wishing them happiness. Sunggyu was torn inside. He wasn’t gay, really, but if he was honest, nothing about this made him feel disgusted. The kiss had been surprising but not disgusting. Woohyun was…amazing and Sunggyu wasn’t sure if he was feeling all happy reading these tweets because their plan was working or because he was just genuinely happy. Woohyun was like a drug of his own and the singer felt like he was trading one addiction for another. It scared him even more than Kangdae when he thought about his feelings for Woohyun. Maybe it was just a temporary confusion because the pianist was the first person in a while to care for Sunggyu. Yeah, maybe that was it.

He turned around and pressed his face into a pillow. Sunggyu groaned and turned the TV off again. When Woohyun had started talking like that in the car, it had freaked him out. His fear made him think stupid, impulsive things that he regretted now. Woohyun was a good guy and there was no way he was taking advantage of Sunggyu’s situation. Plus, he did say Sunggyu was just a friend to him. He hit his face against the pillow. “Idiot! Idiot! You damn idiot!”

~ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ~

Woohyun’s phone alerted him when Sunggyu retweeted and liked his tweet. Then the singer also quoted the tweet saying ‘Don’t take pictures of me when I sleep *angry emoji* I’ll get you back next time :* #gyuwoosoundsbetter’. Fans were actively commenting in the thread, talking all about how cute their interactions were and how Sunggyu rarely even used emojis but Woohyun seemed to have had a positive influence on him.

Then a direct message arrived on his phone. It was from Sunggyu too.

[[ I’m sorry for saying these things in the car. You’re the best thing that has happened to me lately and I’m fucking it up. Forgive me? ]]

Woohyun tried his best not to interpret anything into the ‘best thing that has happened to me’ but it still made his heart skip a beat. He told Sunggyu they were friends and he meant it, but that kiss… If Woohyun were honest, he liked it. The singer’s lips had been surprisingly soft. He had felt the urge to kiss him again just to see Sunggyu blush and hide away again. Away from the press, the company and the alcohol, Woohyun had seen a glimpse of the person Sunggyu was before things went downhill. Today hadn’t been fake. They had had a moment there at the beach and in the car – just a normal Sunggyu and Woohyun sharing honest feelings. He had forgotten the true nature of their relationship today and Woohyun had let himself fall for Sunggyu. For someone he couldn’t have. It was more than just pity he felt.

“Fuck, I like him. I like you! Shit!” Woohyun paced back and forth in his living room. Sunggyu had apologized for the things in the car but maybe he had meant them deep down. He told Woohyun he wasn’t gay again and again, but the pianist had gone and fallen for him anyways. He couldn’t remember the last time he had fallen so fast for someone. Woohyun wasn’t even able to explain how it happened. Something between them had clicked after the first horrible meeting. His phone vibrated in his hand.

[[ Woohyun, are you mad? ]]

[ No! Sorry for not replying. I saw your tweet. Nice try but the fans love the sound of woogyu more it seems. ]

[ Are you really mad about the picture? ]

[[ No, but next time you should tell me first. Are we good? Friends? ]]

Woohyun stared at the message for a while before he remembered Sunggyu would think something was wrong if he took too much time. [ You can’t get rid of me that easily, boyfriend. ]

[[ Haha, talk to you tomorrow. I’ll be going to bed early. PS: I’ve dumped the rest of the bottle’s content into the toilet. Yay me. ]]

[ Good job! I’ll be with you all the way. We’ll expose Kangdae for sure and then you’ll be able to move on. Good night. ]

His fingers starting typing a ‘miss you’ but he quickly deleted it again. Woohyun sat down again and shifted his thoughts in another direction. He had to help Sunggyu with his problem. It seemed like a wild idea that Sunggyu’s driver was mentally abusing him like that. Woohyun was sure that it wasn’t just the alcohol that kept dragging the idol back into this hole. Who knew how much time Kangdae had had to make Sunggyu doubt himself like that? Or maybe Woohyun was blind because of love and the older man really had fallen into the alcohol trap on his own. Maybe Kangdae never said these things Sunggyu said he did? No, I believe Sunggyu. Something is wrong.

Woohyun figured the only way to expose Kangdae would be to catch him red-handed. If Sunggyu was right and the driver liked to brag about what he was doing, then maybe they could trick him into confessing his doings and record it? At least that should be enough to make sure Sunggyu’s company believed him. Jungryul’s reaction on the phone today showed that they didn’t trust their artist very much at the moment. Woohyun’s word wouldn’t mean a thing to them, since they had known Sunggyu for much longer and technically Woohyun had never seen Kangdae do anything.





The next morning, Woohyun called Sunggyu and they discussed what they could do. He asked Sunggyu if it was okay to get Gongyoo into the boat and, although the singer was very much against it first, he agreed later on. It was better to have one more person and Woohyun was sure his hyung would believe him.

“So, you have singing and dancing practice for the next few days, right?” Woohyun asked. “And normally Kangdae picks you up and drives you there?”

“Yeah.”

“Tell Jungryul I’ll take over. We need some time to form a proper plan. We can’t endanger your safety. At least this way Kangdae will have no way to be close to you. He only drives you around, right?”

Sunggyu made a sound of agreement. “Sometimes he sticks around for a schedule but never for practice. I’m surrounded by my trainers and label mates there. I’ll be fine, I think.”

“Good. When do I have to pick you up?” He tried his best not to sound too happy about the fact that he would see Sunggyu again soon.

“Woohyun, don’t you have something to do though? I can’t possibly ask you to drive me around. Sometimes practice takes until 3 am.”

He laughed lightly. “I’m not like you. I just have a performance once in a while and spend most of my time practicing at home. By the way, we still need to jam together. I’ll play piano in front of you if you play for me in return.”

The small laugh he got out of Sunggyu was worth it. “Thank you, Woohyun. I don’t know how I deserve you.”

“I could say the same. Can’t wait to see you.” Woohyun said before he could stop himself. There was a moment of silence and for a second he was afraid he had scared Sunggyu off.

“Pick me up in two hours?” Sunggyu broke the silence first.

“Sure.” Woohyun smiled to himself. “I’ll be there.”





This time there was no mob in front of Sunggyu’s apartment complex. Woohyun still spotted a few curious people but they were less ‘aggressive’. He waited for the older man in front of the parking garage and his heart skipped a beat when Sunggyu came out of the building. With quick, long steps the idol crossed the distance to Woohyun’s car and got inside. “Hey.”, Sunggyu greeted him with a small smile but Woohyun noticed their eyes wouldn’t meet.

“Everything okay?”

“I think I saw Kangdae’s car this morning but it’s gone now.” Sunggyu said nervously.

Woohyun frowned. “You told Jungryul he’s not needed at the moment, right?”

“Yeah, but—well, the company told him to watch me, remember? In case I go out to get some alcohol or something.”

“This creep watching you gives me the chills. Are you safe at home?”

Sunggyu shrugged. “I think so but I guess I could ask Lorena if it’s possible to change the lock on my apartment door? I know Jungryul has a key for emergencies. I don’t know if—if Kangdae--“

Woohyun grabbed the older man’s hand and squeezed it softly. “We’ll check out that possibility. Worst case scenario, you’ll sleep at my place.”

The singer gave him a doubting look. “Well, or I could sleep at yours of course. On the couch, naturally.”

Sunggyu looked at their hands but didn’t pull away. “Thank you, Woohyun. I don’t know what I’d do without you. I’ll think about it.”

He retracted his hand, afraid that prolonged skinship could lead to another mental breakdown from Sunggyu. Woohyun figured he was a little mentally instable at the moment. The alcohol problem, Kangdae and then their fake relationship in front of the press – everything was probably becoming too much for him. They didn’t know how much Kangdae had been influencing Sunggyu but obviously the singer’s self-confidence had taken a hug hit. Woohyun’s hands dug into the steering wheel. If he ever got to meet that Kangdae guy, he’d punch him in his stupid face!

“Have you talked to your manager already?” Sunggyu asked anxiously.

Woohyun nodded. “He didn’t believe me at first but I convinced him to trust us. Obviously his reaction shows we need some kind of proof to get rid of Kangdae. Initially, he told me we should go to the police but they probably wouldn’t take you seriously because of all your…scandals. And there was no way this wouldn’t get leaked to the press if we went to the police station.”

The older man nodded quietly. They could agree that everything would get ruined if the press found out first. It would be impossible to catch Kangdae in the act if they did. “When’s your next big schedule where Kangdae is likely to appear?”

“I have a performance this Saturday at a big festival, that’s why I have to practice a lot. Kangdae will most likely be there to help my security team.”

“Okay, then we need a plan until Saturday. Don’t worry. He won’t hurt you anymore. I’ll be there too.”

Sunggyu smiled shortly. “I think if you tried to fight Kangdae, he’d fold you in half and put you in a trash bin.”

“Hey! I took self-defense classes!” Woohyun pointed at himself. “Even my manager doesn’t mess with this.”

That got another smile out of the idol and Woohyun took that as another win. “Woohyun, you have to promise me not to put yourself in danger for me. No direct confrontations, okay?”

“Are you worried for me, Gyu?” He asked in a playful tone.

“Of course. You’re the person I love.” The quick, firm reply got Woohyun to shut up. He tried to suppress a smile but inside he was cheering. Sunggyu probably only worried for him as a friend but it made him happy nevertheless.

“Ha, the great Woohyun, unable to reply for once. I was joking.” Sunggyu said after a while and laughed out loud.

Woohyun tried to hide his disappointment but he ended up pouting. “Well played. I almost fell for it.”

“Almost? You totally fell for it!” The older man snickered.

Stop playing with my heart like that, you idiot! “Just you wait…”

“Stop! Turn right here! Right!” Sunggyu suddenly shouted and Woohyun almost hit another car trying to comply to the sudden change of direction.

“I thought we were going to your company!”

“The practice rooms are nearby but not in the same building. I forgot to tell you. I guess I’m used to people knowing the way. There, take a left turn at the next intersection.”

Woohyun was still trying to overcome the shock from the almost collision but he followed the singer’s direction. A moment later, they arrived at their destination. He was surprised to see a few fans in front of the building. The pianist raised an eyebrow. “They’re here as well?”

Sunggyu shrugged and loosened his seatbelt. “It’s okay. I can handle them.”

“Wait, how does this usually go? What if they have knives or something or if they plan to kidnap you?”

The singer gave him a confused look. “They’re teenagers, Woohyun. They just want to talk to me or make me sign an album for them. But usually Kangdae or a manager accompanies me and makes sure they keep a safe distance. Once in a while, there are fans that get a little…touchy.”

Woohyun turned the engine off and loosened his own seatbelt. “Then I’ll protect your body with my life today.”

Sunggyu chuckled. “You’re an idiot, you know that? I’ll be fine on my own. Don’t leave the-”

“No! Boyfriend protection duty!” Woohyun exclaimed and got out of the car first.

The five girls screamed out loud when they saw it wasn’t Sunggyu’s driver or manager. “Kya, it’s Woohyun!”

He felt somewhat flattered they recognized him but they were also encircling him real fast and Woohyun felt sort of overwhelmed. “Uh, I’m—Give me some air to breathe.”

Sunggyu came around the car and sneaked past them. He gave Woohyun silent thumbs up and mouthed ‘Good job!’. “Yah, Sunggyu! Don’t leave me here!”

The girls turned around and screamed so loud Woohyun felt like his eardrums burst. They ran towards Sunggyu but the singer quickly disappeared into the building. The fans changed target and came over to Woohyun again. Thankfully, they kept more distance this time. “Woohyun-oppa, is it true you’re dating Sunggyu-oppa?”

He rubbed the back of his neck. “Y-Yeah.”

The smallest girl pointed her finger at him. “Do you love Sunggyu-oppa?”

“Of course.”

“How much do you love him?” Pigtails asked.

Woohyun spread his arms and smiled. “This much.”

One of the girls suddenly started crying. “But I wanted to marry oppa!”

“I’m sure you will find someone else one day. We all have this special someone out there. Sunggyu would want for you to find him, or her, so…fighting!”

She sniveled. “You’re really sweet, Woohyun-oppa! Thank you!”

Pigtails pushed forward again. “Are you going to do a duet together? You’re both musicians and everyone has been wondering about it!”

“No, wait, me first! You’ve already asked one question!” The one in the middle exclaimed and then they all started throwing questions at him at the same time.

“Ladies! Calm down!” Woohyun called them to order. They stopped talking, which he took as a miracle. “First off, I don’t know if there’ll be a duet and I’m not allowed to comment on that anyways-“

“If he says that, there will definitely be a collab!” One of them said and they all screamed.

Woohyun started to understand why Sunggyu told him to stay in the car. The fans were nice and cute, but he felt like they would ask him questions for hours if he didn’t find a way to escape. “I didn’t say there would be a collaboration. Also, I won’t answer the question about our love life. That’s private.”

“Woohyun-oppa, can you-“

The door behind them opened suddenly and a tall man stepped out. They took one look at him and shut up immediately. “Girls, you know the rules! You’re allowed to wait in front of the building on scheduled days but you can’t crowd the artists.”

They pursed their lips in disappointment but took a few steps back. “We’re sorry, Geonam!”

“Woohyun-ssi, why don’t you come inside?”

“Oh, no! I’ll come by later to pick Sunggyu up. I don’t want to distract him.” The girls squealed again and Woohyun guessed he shouldn’t have said it out loud.

“Girls, if there’s a mob in front of the building tonight, I’ll make sure not a single one of you is allowed to get close to this building ever again.” The handsome man threatened. They pouted but agreed. “Now go home. There’s nothing to see.”

The fans left and Woohyun heaved a sigh. “Thanks.”

“No problem. Sunggyu told me you could use help. They’re harmless but sometimes you need to tell them where the border is. They’re allowed to hang out around the building as long as they behave. Sunggyu will text you when he’s finished but it can take a while. If you can’t make it, tell us in time and Kangdae will pick him up.”

Woohyun nodded and Geonam disappeared into the building again. He didn’t care how long Sunggyu’s practice took. There was no way he would let the creeper Kangdae pick him up.

~ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ~

Practice was exhausting like always. The company made it so Sunggyu didn’t have to dance a lot to his songs, but some of them still had dance moves and the other physical training he went through was just to make sure he stayed in shape. It was okay if he was bad at dancing but he had to make sure his weight didn’t cross a certain number. By the time the physical training was over, Sunggyu felt ready to roll over and die. His trainer sent him to the showers and he gladly went there. The warm water soothed his aching muscles and the shower gave him time to catch his breath. He felt grateful they had showers in the building because he didn’t want to reek of sweat during his vocal lessons.

After the shower, Sunggyu dressed again in his normal attire and went to his vocal lessons. They were less physically exhausting but still hard at times. His vocal trainer was merciless. She made him sing some parts over and over until she was satisfied. Sunggyu loved singing but sometimes he also hated it. The constant repeating reminded him of his childhood when he had to practice a piano piece until he had it down perfectly. It was annoying and not the way he wanted to do his music, but he knew he had to practice to sound good for the fans.

In the middle of the vocal lesson, they were interrupted by Jungryul. “Sorry, but I have to steal Sunggyu  for a while. Why don’t you go home early today, Mina?”

She gave him a glare but waved her hand to dismiss Sunggyu. He gave his manager a questioning look. “Come on. I brought someone you should talk to.”

Sunggyu curiously followed him outside. “I contacted a doctor because of your problem. He’s very discreet, don’t worry. Have you experienced any symptoms today?”

“My hands are shaking a bit but it’s okay.” He didn’t know how to say that he had actually consumed alcohol again and that was why his symptoms were better. This was only his second day since Kangdae forced alcohol back into his system.

“Okay, good. By the way, should I be wondering why Woohyun is suddenly your personal driver? You also went to the beach together.” Jungryul watched him closely.

Sunggyu tried to keep his face neutral. “We thought it would look good if we spend more time together. Everyone believes our dating story now, isn’t that fine?”

“As long as that’s everything.”

He frowned. “What are you insinuating, hyung?”

“If Woohyun is harassing you or pushing you into something you-“

“Hyung! What the fuck!” Sunggyu shouted. “Woohyun is a good person and he’s been nothing but kind to me. He’s helping me more at the moment than any of you.”

“But you two still kissed. Was it consensual?” Jungryul continued to question him. Sunggyu nervously licked his lips at the memory. “God, Sunggyu, do you actually like him? Did you kiss him first?”

“What—! No! It was an accident. We’re just friends.” He was starting to panic. He couldn’t let anyone know the truth. Sunggyu wasn’t even sure he himself knew it.

“Good. Because you need to remember this is just a business deal. After the time is up, the contract ends and you two will go separate ways.” Jungryul put a hand on his shoulder. “I just want to protect you. It’s possible Woohyun is only nice to you because of the deal. Don’t fall for the fake relationship like the public does, okay?”

Something cold settled in his stomach. Sunggyu averted his gaze and nodded. There was no way Woohyun was just acting nice. There was more between them than just the contract. Right, Woohyun?





The talk with the doctor wasn’t as bad as Sunggyu thought. He told him what kinds of withdrawal symptoms were common and what he had to expect. The doctor also told him what would help him recover better – a quiet place (Sunggyu almost laughed out loud because he rarely had time to rest somewhere quiet), soft lighting and healthy food plus lots of fluids. He was also supposed to surround himself with only a limited amount of people, at best people he was close with and that would support him through the hard times ahead. Sunggyu didn’t know how to achieve most of what the doctor listed when he had to practice every day and had a performance this very Saturday. Jungryul promised they would give him a longer break after the festival though. At least that was something. The doctor also prescribed him something called benzodiazepines for his insomnia and anxiety. He also warned them that there was a possibility of seizures. If Sunggyu experienced any or started having hallucinations, they would have to put him in inpatient care and drug treatment. Sunggyu hoped things wouldn’t get so far.

After the doctor was gone, Jungryul told him to go home for today. He also promised that he would try and talk to Jungyeop about cutting practice short on the other two days, which Sunggyu was honestly quite grateful for. He would rather mess up on stage than collapse from a seizure and land in the hospital. The singer called Woohyun’s phone when he was done but the other man didn’t answer the call. Sunggyu puffed his cheeks and leaned against the wall in the corridor.

[ I’m done already. Do you have time to pick me up? ]

“Boyfriend not picking up?” Sunggyu froze at the voice. He paled and slowly turned his head to see Kangdae walking towards him.

He pushed himself away from the wall and walked away with quick steps, looking for people or a place to hide. Kangdae caught up to him in no time and pulled him back towards the entrance. “Where are you going instead of greeting me? Where’s your respect towards your elders?”

Sunggyu swallowed hard. “I—I forgot something in the practice room.”

“Pretty sure you didn’t. Did you forget I know what a compulsive liar you are? I’ll drive you home. We two need to have a talk.”

He struggled to free his arm. “Woohyun will pick me up.”

Someone came towards them and Sunggyu was relieved to see Jungryul’s face. “H-“, he started but Kangdae hissed into his ear. “If you call for help or anything, I’ll make your life hell. You know I will.”

He shut his mouth quickly. Jungryul stopped in front of them and looked between them in worry. “Everything okay?”

“Sunggyu is feeling unwell and Woohyun isn’t answering his phone, so he asked me to drive him home instead. Right, Sunggyu?” Kangdae acted like he was supporting instead of restraining him.

The singer was too scared of Kangdae to say a word. He just nodded. “Okay. The doctor told you to rest, so use the rest of the day to do that. I’ll text you about the other thing later.”

Sunggyu nodded again and then Kangdae dragged him outside with him. There were no fans this time and for the first time he wished they were there. He had to get into the passenger’s seat and Kangdae started driving. “You know, I’m very disappointed with you.”

He stared straight ahead, while he dug his hand into his bag, hoping Kangdae wouldn’t notice. His fingers searched for his recorder that he usually used to record lyrics or melodies. He found the object and blindly pressed the recording button, hoping it would work. Kangdae continued on. “You’re conspiring against me with that faggot? Do you really think I will fall for your stupid trap? I can’t believe you’re stabbing me in the back like that after I’ve always done nothing but look after you.”

Sunggyu looked at him with wide eyes. How did he know? “How-“

“Oh Sunggyu, did you really think I wouldn’t find out? I’ve been doing this for years. I was hired for this.” Kangdae gave him a dark smirk.

He felt like a hole was opening up under him. “I don’t understand—“

“Didn’t your popularity increase after your first scandals? Your name entered the newspapers and search engines more often, which led to more people finding out about you. That’s the best free marketing you can get and no one really expects rock stars to be good little sheep. They need to get in scandals, do some alcohol or drugs. And not only does it make the press happy, it also makes the artist happy. Isn’t it so much better to be popular? Doesn’t the alcohol help you with forgetting all the bad things? I always told them we should try drugs too but they’ve become a bunch of pussies.”

“The company knows what you’re doing?” Sunggyu’s mouth went dry.

“Well, not everybody, obviously. But do you think the company lets coincidences decide over their product’s fate? They’re the puppet masters, Sunggyu. You and I, we just do what we’re told. Though at least I know my role, unlike dumb sheep like you. You really thought you had any free will? That any of this was your decision? You’re only a product they sell on the market and I’m here to make sure you stay in line.”

The singer was shaking now and he wasn’t sure if it was because of his symptoms or because he was frightened. What Kangdae was saying sounded outrageous, ridiculous even. There was no way the company had organized all of his scandals to get him into the newspapers. Jungryul had been furious every damn time. But he said not everybody knows. Who knows? Fuck, fuck, fuck. “You always did exactly what they wanted and when you needed a little push, I was there to help. I helped create who you are, you get it? And then you go and thank me like this?”

“What really happened on that Monday? What were you doing to me all this time?”

Kangdae smiled. “Oh, you were pretty mad when I showed up at your apartment and even madder when I showed you the bottles of alcohol, but you were also frustrated because Jungryul made you enter that deal. I’ve been manipulating you for so long, Sunggyu. I know exactly what to say to make you break. Though I admit you were pretty annoying that day. You were really, really adamant on not touching the alcohol, but then I gave you a little something with the glass of water that would make you more open to suggestions. When I had you with the first shot, I knew you were a goner. Then I just had to continue feeding the doubts in your little mind. But you drank the bottles all on your own.”

“You drugged me?!” Sunggyu felt like he couldn’t breathe.

“It’s just a little something to get you started. It always helped to loosen you up at parties and you can’t say those times weren’t fun. You always enjoyed yourself at the clubs.” Kangdae chuckled darkly.

He bent over and threw up. Sunggyu was panting hard. His head was swimming as the truth washed over him like waves in the cold ocean. “I won’t let you do this to me anymore. I’ll make sure you are arrested, you sick piece of shit!”

Kangdae lunged out and Sunggyu braced for the hit but it didn’t come. The older man laughed shortly. “Oh no, I won’t mess up. I can’t hit you in the face. People would notice and ask questions. No, no. But I’ve come to realize you’re not listening to me anymore. Is it that bitch Woohyun? Did he put the crazy idea in your head that you’re your own person and all? That you can free yourself? No, you can’t. Your sorry life belongs to the company. Don’t worry though. Things will go back to how they used to be. I’ll let you drink enough alcohol to forget this all ever happened and you can go back to being a good little sheep. Open the glovebox, Sunggyu.”

With shaking hands, he did as told. There was a thin, brown folder in it and he pulled it out. “Open it, come on.”

Sunggyu followed the order and almost threw up a second time. Panicking, he skipped through all the pictures but only felt himself fall deeper and deeper into a seemingly endless, dark hole. They were all pictures of him but he was stark naked. Sunggyu felt tears rolling down his cheek. There were even close-ups of his more intimate parts. It was a nightmare. Oh god… Woohyun, what am I supposed to do?

“I took these when you had knocked yourself out last Monday. I guess the drug fucked you over real bad that night. I’ll only say this once, so listen to me. If you tell anyone about our little talk or anything about what I’ve been doing, I’ll be releasing the pictures and trust me people will know it’s you. I’ll make sure your bare body is all over the internet for every pervert out there to enjoy. I’ll ruin you and, the best part, the people who hired me will save my ass, but they won’t save yours. The company doesn’t need a broken toy.” Kangdae’s wicked smile would follow Sunggyu to his darkest nightmares. “Also, after your performance this Saturday, you will tell everybody the truth about your fake relationship with Nam Woohyun. Right there on stage, I want you to confess it. I thought we’d get some homophobia scandal out of this but you go and spread your legs for him? Disgusting! This needs to end before he puts any more ideas in your head. And another rule for you: Don’t meet Woohyun anymore. If I catch you two talking or exchanging texts, you’re done. Remember that I know everything. I’ll find out if you double-cross me again.”

“You can’t do this! The company asked me to do the fake relationship in the first place. Why would they suddenly want me to throw it all under the bus? You make no sense!”

“Don’t worry your pretty little head about it and just do what I say. Do you understand? Or do you want these pictures to spread?”

Kangdae suddenly stopped the car and Sunggyu realized they were behind his apartment complex. “Give me your bag.”

“W—What?”

The bag and folder were ripped from his hands and Sunggyu watched helplessly as Kangdae pulled out the recorder. He smashed it against the dashboard with brute force and it broke. “You can’t outsmart me. Now go home and rest. I’ll be seeing you soon on Saturday. If you leave the house before that, I’ll know.”

“But practice—“

“Jungryul will text you soon enough that it’s canceled until Saturday.” Kangdae pulled something from under his seat, another small bottle like the last one Sunggyu received. He put it in his bag. “Here, a little extra present from me. Though there’s more at your apartment if you’re thirsty. Everything will be better once you give in, I promise.”

Sunggyu loosened his seatbelt and grabbed his bag, before getting out of the car in a hurry. “Be a good boy!”, Kangdae called after him through the open window of his car. The singer fled into the building and ran up the stairs to his floor. Wheezing, he went into his apartment and locked the door behind himself. Sunggyu grabbed his hair and threw his bag in a corner. The bottle rolled out of it as if to mock him. He looked around his apartment and found himself surrounded by all kinds of alcohol. The bottles were everywhere – living room, kitchen, bedroom and bathroom even. He gasped for air when he realized Kangdae must have a key to his apartment. Who knew how many times he had come in here uninvited?

He grabbed the closest bottle and threw it across the room. It hit a wall and exploded into little pieces. Sunggyu did the same with a few other bottles before his knees gave in and he tumbled to the floor with a sob. He curled into a ball, surrounded by alcohol and the shatters that were left of his life. He should’ve known it would be impossible to win. Maybe Kangdae was right and it would be better to just give in—“No!”

Sunggyu fought to get back on his feet. “NO! YOU HEAR ME! FUCK YOU!”

He walked from one room to the next and gathered all the bottles in the bathtub, then Sunggyu let their contents go down the drain. “”I’m not your puppet, fuck.”

As he emptied the bottles, Sunggyu thought about what to do. If Kangdae knew that much about their plans, there were only a few ways he could have found out. The most likely option coming to the singer’s mind was bugs and cameras. The idea made him sick in his stomach all over again but it was an obvious option. If Kangdae really was watching his every step inside the apartment, Sunggyu had no chance to contact Woohyun without alerting the dangerous man. Desperately, he tried to think of some way to let Woohyun know about Kangdae’s plan. The sicko would definitely know if he attempted to leave the apartment. Was his phone bugged as well? Possibly.

“Fuck, fuck!  Kim Sunggyu, you’re so fucked.” He whispered hoarsely.

~ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ~

Something was definitely wrong. Sunggyu wasn’t answering any of his calls. Woohyun had driven to the practice building to pick him up earlier, only for Jungryul to tell him that Kangdae took Sunggyu home. Of course he drove straight to Sunggyu’s home but to his utter surprise the security guard was under strict orders to not let him upstairs. Whose orders they were? Anonymous! Woohyun had tried to contact Sunggyu ever since but he wasn’t even replying to his text messages. He didn’t know what to do, so he called Gongyoo for help.

His manager arrived half an hour later and listened to Woohyun’s worried ramblings. “You think Kangdae did something to him?”

“He drives Sunggyu home and suddenly he’s not answering my calls or texts anymore? Something has definitely happened. Hyung, I need your help!”

“Geez, do you know how crazy you sound right now?”

“Hyung! You said you believe me!” Woohyun whined.

“I know, I know! Fine, what is your damn plan?”

“I think Kangdae isn’t allowing him to contact me. For some reason he can’t even call or text me. I don’t know if it’s because he knocked Sunggyu out with alcohol or god knows what, or because Sunggyu just can’t. I need to know what’s going on but security won’t let me upstairs. So I had this brilliant idea—“

Gongyoo sighed. “Oh boy, you and your brilliant ideas. Okay, I’m listening.”

“You’ll dress up as a pizza delivery guy and go into the building. You’ll say you have a delivery for Kim Sunggyu and once you’re upstairs, you give him the pizza box and show him a note at the door. You know the little slips of paper they sign, so your boss knows the customer got their pizza? We’ll write something on it and Sunggyu can write on it if he needs our help.”

“Woohyun… That sounds like something straight from a bad spy movie. What if he doesn’t answer the door?”

“Then we’ll call the police or an ambulance, fuck I don’t know! I just need to know he’s alive and well.” Woohyun’s voice broke towards the end.

Gongyoo watched the younger man closely. “You really did fall for him, huh? God Woohyun.”

“I’m sorry, hyung. Please help me.”

“I doubt this will work but fine. I don’t know how we’ll get the costume though.”

Woohyun brightened up again. “Don’t worry! I know just the guy!”

He grabbed his phone. “Myungsoo? I need one of your costumes.”





He kept pacing back and forth until Gongyoo returned to the apartment. They had ordered a pizza to Woohyun’s apartment earlier, so Gongyoo would have one to deliver. He had written a note saying ‘If you need help, please give me a sign’ and he hoped Sunggyu would see it. The doorbell suddenly rang and Woohyun jumped to the front door. Gongyoo walked past him without a word, looking weirdly distressed. “Did you meet him? Is he okay? What did he write? Hyung!”

“I thought you were crazy.” The older man mumbled. He gave the piece of paper to Woohyun.

Sunggyu had signed the paper but he had also managed to draw something in a hurry. One looked like a bug and the other like an eye. Gongyoo sat down while rubbing his face. “He looked really pale and it seemed like he was scared of being found out. Sunggyu only looked me in the eye once but when he recognized me, he quickly averted his gaze and signed the paper in a hurry. He only muttered thanks and then closed the door in my face.”

Woohyun looked at the paper again. “A bug and an eye. Bugs – do you think Kangdae has placed bugs in his apartment? And the eye could mean there are cameras as well. No wonder he isn’t contacting me. He must be afraid of Kangdae noticing. He’s blackmailing Sunggyu somehow…”

“But aren’t you two supposed to meet up and stuff? You have a contract.”

“There are no scheduled meetings for this week. Sunggyu is supposed to prepare for his performance.” Woohyun suddenly had an idea. “The festival… Sunggyu said Kangdae will be there without a doubt. Hyung, do you think you can find out where that guy lives?”

Gongyoo gave him a long look. “Woohyun, I hope you’re not thinking what I think you are.”

He gave his friend his best puppy eyes expression. “Nam Woohyun! You can’t break into someone’s apartment!”

“It’s for Sunggyu! If Kangdae really has him under his thumb somehow, then there must be proof somewhere. If he has cameras and bugs installed in the apartment, their recordings must land somewhere. This is my best chance. If he knows everything going on in Sunggyu’s apartment, then he must have known about our original plan. My guess is that he found out and threatened Sunggyu to give up on the plan. It’s up to me now.”

“I don’t have a good feeling about this.” Gongyoo grimaced. “Can’t we just call the police and tell them to check his apartment?”

“We don’t know what he’s using against Sunggyu. If we alert him, who knows what he is going to do. I’ll just check the apartment to see if there are any clues. If I find anything, I will call the police immediately okay? Imagine how bad it will look if we call the cops and they find nothing.”

“And if you find nothing?”

Woohyun let his body fall into the armchair. “I don’t know… but I need to try.”

There was a long moment of silence between them as they both pondered about what to do. Then Gongyoo sighed. “I’ll search his apartment. You should go to the concert and be at his side. I’m sure that would help him more than anything.”

“Hyung—“

“I might change my mind, so don’t say anything. If anything goes wrong, just grab him and both of you run away, okay?”

Woohyun felt tears stinging his eyes. He hugged Gongyoo tightly. “Thank you.”

“Thank me after we’ve kicked that bastard’s ass.”

~ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ~

On the day of the festival, Kangdae picked him up with his car. The older man didn’t say anything but just gave him a wicked grin. Sunggyu felt like punching him in the face until he stopped moving forever. Once they were at the festival, he tried losing Kangdae in the crowds of artists and managers behind the stage but he was really good at his stalker job. They ran into Jungryul but Sunggyu wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or not. Was Jungryul in on this scheme?

“How are you doing, Sunggyu? You look a little pale.”

Kangdae put a hand on his shoulder. “Must be the withdrawal. Get some make-up on your face so you’re presentable at least.”

He gave Sunggyu a light push towards the stylists that happily dragged him away. He had never been happier to see their faces. They pulled him into a separate area where Kangdae didn’t follow him. There were several tables in front of chairs and other people were busy getting their make-up down. Sunggyu had to sit down as well. He frantically thought about what he could do to escape this. Kangdae wanted him to expose the truth of his relationship with Woohyun, or at least to tell everybody that everything was fake. It would ruin his relationship with Woohyun for good and who knew what it would do to his image. But then again, according to Kangdae, the company wanted him to have a troublemaker image. Sunggyu sat there absent-mindedly as the girls put make-up on him and did his hair.

They were just finished when a voice called out. “Sunggyu!”

He felt his heart skip more than a beat. Sunggyu turned his head and almost cried out loud. “Woohyun!”

“Oh my!” Minzy giggled. “Looks whose handsome prince appeared.”

Another time, Sunggyu would’ve reacted to her comment but now he was simply relieved to see the younger man. “How did you get here?”

“I sneaked in.” Woohyun whispered and gave him a wink.

Minzy looked at them. “Why are you whispering?”

The pianist put a finger to his lips. “Because it’s a secret that I’m here. Can you give us a moment?”

“Of course.”

Sunggyu glanced at her. “No word to Jungryul or Kangdae.”

“Don’t worry, you two lovebirds. Just don’t ruin the make-up. And remember it’s your turn to sing soon, Sunggyu.”

She left them alone and disappeared to the other end of the room. Luckily, they were the only ones there at the moment. Sunggyu was one of the artists who appeared towards the end of the show. Woohyun gave him a hug and he embraced the younger man as well.

“Are you okay?” Woohyun whispered.

“No. Kangdae, he knows. He heard everything I said in the apartment. I think it’s the same for my phone.” Sunggyu’s voice shook. “I tried, Woohyun. I recorded him saying all kinds of messed up shit. He said the company hired him to do this to me. I thought I could use it against him but he destroyed the recorder.”

Woohyun slightly pulled away and looked into his eyes. “What do you mean the company hired him?”

“I don’t know. He said they’re the puppet masters and everything happens as they want. Apparently, all my scandals were staged to create this image of me.” Sunggyu felt like crying all over when he told the other man.

The pianist frowned. “That’s ridiculous. Why would they set up our contract then?”

“Kangdae said it was meant to crash and burn. They were waiting for me to do or say some homophobic shit. I don’t know if it’s the truth, Woohyun, but I’m so scared. I don’t know who to trust.”

Woohyun cupped his neck. “You can trust me, okay? He must have a hold on you to have you so scared. What is he threatening you with?”

Sunggyu bit down on his lower lip and averted his gaze. Woohyun made him look up again but he just couldn’t meet his eyes. The singer was too ashamed. “That Monday night, he gave me a drug to make me…more compliant I guess. When I was knocked out from the alcohol and the drug, he—he stripped me and took pictures. Of everything, Woohyun. Lots of pictures.”

“That fucking bastard. I’ll kill him with my own hands.”

“I can’t risk it, Woohyun. I can’t have him releasing those pictures.” Sunggyu struggled against the tears. He had hoped to see Woohyun one last time but this just made it harder than he thought. He didn’t want to let go.

“He won’t release them. We will stop him. Sunggyu, Gongyoo is—“

“Sunggyu, you have to—Woohyun what are you doing here?” Jungryul looked at them with a frown.

“I’ll be there in a second. Go away, Jungryul!” He shouted in anger and the manager huffed at his tone but left them alone.

“Sunggyu—“

“Woohyun, you’ve done a lot for me and I’m grateful but we can’t win. He’s always one step ahead of us. If Jungryul tells him you’re here, I’m done for. We can’t meet again.” Sunggyu let go of Woohyun.

“Gyu, please.”

“You should stay away from me. Everything around me gets destroyed by this shit. I don’t want to ruin you too. I can’t risk you too. I—Woohyun—“ Sunggyu couldn’t find the right words so he showed him. He grabbed Woohyun’s face and kissed him. It was short and it tasted like tears but Sunggyu would remember it forever. “Goodbye, Woohyun.”

He left the stunned man alone and walked outside. Jungryul was already waiting for him. “You said there’s nothing between you two.”

“There’s nothing.” Not anymore.

Woohyun came out of the room behind them but Jungryul stopped him. Sunggyu could hear them arguing but he blended it out. He blended everything out. The singer had to go on stage and give the performance of his life. He would sing his lungs out until all the little pieces of himself were spread among the audience. Until he was just hollow and empty, a puppet to dance by the strings of its masters.

Kangdae gave him a triumphant smirk as they put a microphone on him. Sunggyu flipped him the middle finger and walked outside after they tested his microphone. The crowd erupted for him and he let their combined cheering wash over him. With every step, he felt stronger than before. It felt like their voices were lifting him up the ground. Sunggyu closed his eyes shortly. That was what he lived for – this feeling. He walked to the spot that was marked for him and touched the mike stand. The metal was cold under his finger tips and he welcomed the feeling. A voice in the background announced him and then the music started. Sunggyu tapped his shoe on the floor to catch the beat and started singing. He didn’t think about what he had to do after the three songs were over. Right now he was only singing his heart out and the fans were all that mattered.

Sunggyu was almost done with the second song when it happened. He would’ve missed it if the crowd didn’t suddenly erupt into chaos. A shot was heard over the music. Sunggyu saw police helicopter flying over the stadium. Sirens could be heard in the distance. The words died on his tongue and he turned around. While the crowd seemed eager to get away, the staff was running backstage, even the band had left. Sunggyu didn’t know what got over him but he felt the urge to check the commotion out. He ran across the stage and behind the curtain. Hands tried to stop him but he continued on. There was a cluster of people gathered in one spot. Sunggyu pushed through them and saw Woohyun crouching on the floor, a hand pressed to his bleeding arm. Policemen were manhandling a handcuffed Kangdae away from the crowd.  Jungryul shouted at people over all the noise. All the sounds around him got quieter until they disappeared and Sunggyu sank to his knees next to Woohyun.

The younger man’s lips moved but Sunggyu couldn’t hear a thing. He balled his fists and hit the pianist’s chest. Sunggyu was sure his own mouth was moving but everything was silent around him. Woohyun pulled him against his chest and kissed his head. “I love you too”, a voice whisper into his ear and the noises returned to Sunggyu’s world.

“Don’t you dare die, idiot.” Sunggyu sobbed and clung harder to the younger man. “What were you thinking?”

“It’s just a light wound, Gyu. He was running away because he heard the sirens. I couldn’t let him escape. I told you I’d protect you.”

“Idiot…”

When the paramedics arrived, they separated the two of them. They checked Woohyun’s arm and bandaged it quickly, before transporting him to the ambulance. Sunggyu didn’t let anyone stop him from getting into the car as well. He held Woohyun’s hand all the way to the hospital, while the pianist explained what had happened in more detail. “You sent Gongyoo into his apartment?”

Woohyun nodded. “I wonder if I want to know why my manager knows how to pick a lock. We weren’t sure if there was going to be any evidence but Gongyoo found a lot of it. The camera and voice recordings, bottles and bottles of alcohol. God knows what else the police will find or has found during their own search. Gongyoo -hyung placed an anonymous call as a ‘concerned’ neighbor and the police was confused at first, but then they saw everything and connected the dots. They came here to arrest him and, well, you know the rest.”

“And the pictures?”

“We’ll make sure no one will find out about them. The police probably want to talk to you. Don’t let anybody else talk for you, Sunggyu. We have to get them all.”

Sunggyu felt new tears welling up in his eyes. He nodded shakily and squeezed Woohyun’s hand. The pianist gave him a warm smile. “I love you.”

The singer couldn’t keep himself from smiling. Three words had never made him happier than right in that moment. Woohyun looked at him. “You’re not going to kick me for saying that, right? I mean you kissed me back there and I thought—“

Sunggyu leaned down to shut him up with a kiss. Woohyun’s hand came up to the back of his head to keep him in place. They smiled against each other’s lips and they kissed. “I think I might like you too, a little bit.”

He sat up straight again and Woohyun groaned. “You think? Might? A little bit? You can’t do this to a dying man!”

“You’re not dying, sir.” The paramedic commented and Sunggyu’s ears grew hot as he remembered they weren’t alone.

“I know you need some time.” Woohyun said and squeezed his hand shortly. “I’ll wait.”

And that was exactly why the younger man was so lovable. “Thanks.”

~ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ~

The female moderator looked towards the camera. “The arrest of Mook Kangdae has had a domino effect on the entertainment world. More and more artists are stepping forward to reveal the truth of their companies and the abuse they’ve suffered at the hand of the staff – managers, drivers, stylists, CEOs – a whole list of people who have used their position of power to control young men and women.”

Her male colleague nodded with a serious expression. “Woollim for sure have had their reputation ruined by truth that came out in the recent lawsuit by former Woollim artist Kim Sunggyu, as he told the court all about the abuse he suffered at their hands. Not only have documents been released by the police that show Mr. Mook was paid to stage the singer’s scandals with any means necessary. Even if it meant drugs or alcohol involvement. The company denied everything for a long time, though there was a new turn of events yesterday when a former board member admitted to hiring Mr. Mook to control the idol. He claims they lost control of him though and had nothing to do with the shooting at the festival or the blackmailing. I don’t think anyone knows what to believe anymore.”

“It’s really horrible what has come to light in this case. The public, the media and the fans – we’ve all been played with. Woollim’s CEO Lee Jungyeop insists that he didn’t know about these deals and it seems like police can’t find anything to tie him to the crime, but he’ll still put down his position as CEO as he announced this morning.”

“Lawyers are still fighting in court for their client’s rights. There’s no way to make up for all the years the young singer had to endure this, but his lawyers will make sure the company will never ruin anyone else ever again.”

She looked into the camera again and it zoomed in on her. “What is our rock star doing now? Ever since his last appearance at the courthouse last month with his boyfriend, Nam Woohyun, and the announcement of his immediate leave of Woollim Entertainment, he hasn’t been seen again. Wherever he is, I’m sure this isn’t the last time we’ve heard of him.”

~ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ~

Three months later

Sunggyu stepped out of the door and walked towards the parking lot, leaving the building of the rehabilitation center behind. He spotted him from far away. The young man looked just as dashing as Sunggyu remembered. He smiled as their eyes met and the older man found his smile almost blinding under the sun. It had been three hard months away from everything; his former life, the singing, the company mess, the fans and finally Woohyun. Three months away from all negative influences that had once controlled his life. Sunggyu had met people like him who had gone through a lot of struggles of their own. No one had judged him for being a former rock idol. Some had heard of his story and openly expressed their sympathy. They never made him feel like he was being pitied, probably because most of them knew what it was like to leave a toxic and abusive ‘relationship’ behind. Sunggyu had learned to believe in himself again in these three months. He was taught how to love himself again, how to fight old patterns and overcome the voices urging him to drink. He hadn’t touched any alcohol in three months and it felt wonderful.

He was finally free.

Woohyun opened his arms for him. He dropped his bag on the ground and embraced the pianist. They held each other tightly without saying a word for a while. Sunggyu had had some time to think about things and he knew he wanted Woohyun to stay in his life. The time away from the younger man had shown him that his feelings were not just a result of Woohyun being the first one to give him attention and believe in him. So many people had helped him turn his life around at the rehab center and Sunggyu loved none of them like he loved his Namu.

“I’ve missed you.” Woohyun whispered softly.

“Me too.” He closed his eyes and let out a sigh. Sunggyu didn’t know how much he had missed Woohyun’s touch until he fell into his arms.

“You’ve missed yourself?”

He boxed Woohyun into the side and they separated again. “I see you’re still an idiot, Nam Woohyun.”

“But I’m your idiot?” The younger man asked hopefully.

Sunggyu gave him a peck on the lips. “You’re lucky you are.”

He grabbed his bag and got into the car first. Woohyun pouted at him outside the window. The pianist got around the car and slipped into the driver’s seat. “Is that all I get after three months?”

“Can you drive me to your home? You have a piano there, right?”

Woohyun gave him a curious look. “I have one, yeah, but—“

“Turn the ignition, Namu. There’s something I want to show you at home.”

The pianist pouted but he followed Sunggyu’s wish and started driving back to Seoul. The older man looked out of the window as they drove down the streets. He had thought about this a million times; about how he wanted to confess his feelings for Woohyun. Sunggyu was so happy they had a piano at the rehab center too. Many patients there found some peace in doing music and he had been no different. Sometimes they had made him play and sing for them. Sunggyu couldn’t remember the last time he had done small performances like that but it had felt amazing. The cheers and claps had made him feel like he could fly again.

Sunggyu was surprised when Woohyun suddenly sang along to a song. He turned his head and raised an eyebrow questioningly. Woohyun smiled. “You’re not the only one who’s changed. I’ve been working on my fear as well.”

“So you overcame your fear of singing by learning girl group songs, Mr. Classical Music?”

“No, but they kept playing this song up and down while I drove four hours to the end of the world to pick up my beloved boyfriend who inspired me to sing again.” Woohyun smiled widely and Sunggyu groaned.

“You’re too cheesy.”

“I love you~”

“Hm.”

“I love youuu~~”

Sunggyu had to laugh because Woohyun was being silly. “Stop it and concentrate on the road.”

“I need to make up for three months of not saying it to you. Now my boyfriend is giving me the cold shoulder!” Woohyun acted like he was sniveling.

“Is it that hard to wait four more hours?”

“Does that mean you love me and you’re going to say it in four hours?” The pianist asked.

Sunggyu turned his head again and leaned it against the window, a soft smile resting on his lips. He closed his eyes. “I like you, okay. Now shut up and drive me to our home.”

That silenced Woohyun for good, though Sunggyu did hear him whisper “our home” in his stupid, happy voice.





Woohyun’s apartment was much smaller than he thought. It wasn’t bad though. It was kind of cozy. Sunggyu left his bag and shoes in the corridor and went ahead to explore everything. When he spotted the piano, definitely the cleanest part of the whole apartment, he immediately walked towards it. “Sit down somewhere, Woohyun.”

“Did you write a song for me? Aw!”

Sunggyu sent him a soft glare. Woohyun sat down next to him on the small bench and the singer protested. “I need space!”

“You didn’t say where to sit.” The younger man dropped a kiss on his cheek and Sunggyu huffed.

“I don’t know why it had to be you.” He muttered to himself. “Don’t interrupt me, you hear me?”

“Yes, teacher Kim.”

Sunggyu rolled his eyes. He put his fingers down on the keys and took a deep breath. He didn’t need music sheets to remember how to play the melody. It was right there, saved in his heart, as cheesy as that sounded.

(the song)

“I want you back. If I don’t have you
My heart closes up. So I can’t breathe
I want you back. I’ve never imagined myself
without you – I’ve never wanted it either

It has to be you
My burning heart says
It can’t be without you
The answer to my question…”

He sang the words he wanted Woohyun to hear. It was more than a simple ‘I love you’ and it was everything the pianist deserved. Sunggyu had composed the song with him in mind. He didn’t know the reason but it just had to be Woohyun for him. Woohyun, who had changed his life for the better and given him the strength to break free from the demons who had controlled him for so long.

“It has to be you
It can’t be without you
From this moment to forever, all of it
I hope it’s you
I hope so…”

Sunggyu was surprised when Woohyun suddenly joined him for the chorus. He faltered for a moment but quickly caught himself. For a second there was chaos when Woohyun also started playing the piano but they found a rhythm together just like they had found each other. Sunggyu smiled as their voices melted together and even when the lyrics were at their end, they still continued to play for a while. The melody became something different – it became their song.

They stopped after a while and bumped their shoulders together. Sunggyu leaned his head on Woohyun’s shoulder. “I love you.”

Woohyun smiled. “I heard you loud and clear. It has to be you~”

He stood in silence. There were no fans cheering and no music playing. All the noise was gone. He could only hear the leaves rustling in the trees nearby. A breeze carried the scent of the ocean to him. It was quiet but there was no darkness, unlike all those times the music had stopped at the concerts. It was a comfortable silence and he wasn’t alone. A warm hand slipped into his. He looked at his beloved, who smiled down at this mother’s grave. “Hi, mom. I’m finally here.”

Silence engulfed them again and another breeze brushed past them, carrying the fallen leaves with it. The smaller man sighed shortly. “I think I owe you a song.”

He squeezed his hand tightly. It was time to let her go. He closed his eyes as the other man started to sing. It wasn’t exactly a funeral song. It wasn’t sad by far. But it was exactly what she had wanted when her time had come. He listened to the man’s voice and although it was a happy song, tears fell down their cheeks.

When he was finished, they put down the flowers and said goodbye. “Do you think she heard it?

He looked at the sky and smiled. A raindrop landed on his cheek; the first of many. “She definitely did.”