Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

North East Germany,  Feb 2012

“Drink! Drink! Drink!”

The chorus of cheers does nothing to help Aaron drink the remains of the stein in his hand. The liquid is thick and fizzy down his throat, but he’s a man of his word and one fit for a challenge. So when the dart bounces off the board and hits the floor signalling his loss, that’s what he does. He drinks.

“Yes, Dingle!” His, friend Adam gives his back a hard slap, his usual dopey smile made extra irritating due to the alcohol in his system. “What a lad!”

“Alright,” Aaron swallows down a burp, one hand on his stomach which now feels like its got an ocean of beer on a windy night, splashing about inside of him. “My round!” He announces, shuffling his way out of the booth he and the rest of the lads occupy and making his way to the bar.

He’s not quite drunk, more like somewhere in between wanting to be involved in every conversation and his head feeling fuzzy. But he’s merry, his smile big and his stance confident. Any worries he may wake up to are forgotten at this very moment.

“Rowdy bunch aren’t you?”

The voice startles him, mostly because the thick Yorkshire accent is one rarely found in the depths of North East Germany. He shuffles, turning towards the sound.

The first thing he notices is the smug grin. The type you want to kiss away even if it’s just to prove a point. The other man’s lips are plump, red and inviting, Aaron has to divert his gaze from them immediately, instead taking in his face as a whole; the defined jaw, chiseled cheekbones he’d be scared to cut a finger on, the scatter of freckles, perfectly placed like the finer details of a masterpiece, blonde hair pushed out of his face looking straight out of a shampoo commercial.

He’s gorgeous, Aaron thinks. Shit is he gorgeous.

“Not a problem is it?” He asks gruffly. He wants to come across as stern, but his breath is caught in his throat by simply looking at this man.

Aaron sees a flicker of something in the other man's eyes. Shock, maybe, from the mirrored accent that comes from years of growing up in the Yorkshire Dales. Or, Aaron hopes, possibly lust.

“Not when the view’s this good.” The blond smirks with confidence, pushing his hand out between them. “Robert.”

Aaron’s eyes linger on the waiting hand for a few moments, before he raises an eyebrow towards this Robert bloke. The blond man’s smirk doesn't falter, his shoulders stay broad and his confidence is evident. Aaron would be lying if he said he wasn’t intrigued. 

“Aaron.” He nods, taking Roberts hand in his own. He has a firm, strong grip that somehow speaks louder than any words and Aaron can’t help but bite the corner of his bottom lip at the thoughts that cloud his mind.

“Oi, what happened to the drinks.” Adam’s voice calls out annoyingly from behind him, but Aaron’s eyes stay on Robert.

“I’m busy.” Aaron replies, loud enough for only Robert to hear. Their eyes stay locked, their hands still connected. If the smile on Robert’s face and the glint in his eye is anything to go by, they’ve definitely both got the same idea.

:::

Aaron accepts the offer of a drink. Of course he does. Because Robert is gorgeous and he’s feeling careless tonight. (And whenever he’s got his eyes on Robert, everything else just seems to fade away.) 

They’re laughing and talking and it’s easy and flirtatious. It’s easily the most Aaron has smiled in months; so much so that his cheeks are starting to ache.

“So, why the army?” Robert asks. They’re still sat at the bar and Aaron can feel the eyes of his squad on him but he doesn’t care much.

“What gave it away?” Aaron chuckles, his face held up by his hand and his elbow resting on the bar, Robert’s stare turning him into something resembling a lovesick teen.

“Oh, I don't know — The authoritative manner, the impressive biceps, or maybe just the fact that you and all your mates over there have the special forces logo on your shirts,” Robert jokes playfully. Their knees keep brushing up against each other and Aaron hopes how hot he feels under Robert’s gaze isn't showing in his skin tone.

He laughs at the other man’s response, comfortable in the company he’s keeping. “Yeah, we’re doing a tour of duty here in Germany. What brings you here?”

“Work. Although it’s not as interesting as yours.”

“I’m not that interesting,” Aaron smiles back shyly, his eyes flicking up towards Robert through his eyelashes. “You’ll see.”

“I hope so,” Robert smirks back, flirtation dripping off his tongue as he catches Aaron’s eye.

Heat creeps up his cheeks under Robert’s longing stare, and there’s a moment of silence between the two of them that words can’t quite capture. Aaron’s overcome with lust, feels it running through his body. Robert’s smirk stretches wide, makes his perfectly rounded lips curve in an appetising way and it’s enough to make Aaron want to grab him by the hand and pull him into the nearest secluded space right there and then, other people be damned.

“Anyway, I thought soldiers were supposed to have shaved heads?” Robert teases, changing the subject as he adjusts his seating position and coughs away the tension.

“It’s not the 1950’s anymore,” Aaron’s laughing more intensely now, infectious and deep. The smile on his face hasn’t faltered in hours, and the corners of his eyes are becoming damp. “Although, judging by your outfit, you haven’t figured that out.” 

“Elbow patches are always in fashion,” Robert feigns offence, but he can’t help but let the smile on his face break out at the sight of the dark haired stranger in front of him.

“Sure. You keep telling yourself that.”

“Coming from the guy who wears a dog tag.” Robert continues, laughing and pointing out the chain around Aaron’s neck. It’s an old tradition that’s no longer necessary in this day and age, but Aaron and the rest of his squad wear two tags containing their information on a chain around their neck. The joke makes Aaron tense up for a second, before relaxing his shoulders, Robert noticing as he does so.

“You know, you really shouldn’t make fun of a man who knows 20 ways to kill you with his bare hands.” Aaron replies, voice thick and low which has Robert swallowing hard. His eyes bulge a little and he’s not quite sure where to look when Aaron eyes him sideways.

He watches as Robert’s mouth opens and closes, no words releasing and a frightened look on his face.

“I’m kidding,” Aaron laughs, his facade dropping. He’s smiles as Robert visibly relaxes, letting out a sigh of relief. “I know 30.”

His shoulder knocks against Robert as they both laugh, Robert’s chuckle a little more shaky than Aaron’s own.

“So, how long you here in Germany?” Robert asks, once he’s somewhat re-gained his confidence and the laughing subsides.

“We move out tomorrow,” Aaron tells him, his voice thick as he finishes his sentence. His eyes sparkle with something that looks like promise. The smirk following it confirms that. “Just one last night.” 

“We should make the most of it then.” Robert replies, his voice low and slow to match Aaron’s suggestive one. He nods his head towards the exit, his eyes still boring into Aaron’s bright ones.

Aaron feels Roberts gaze all over him, eyes tracing every aspect of his body. They shine under the yellow tones of the pub light bulbs, his blonde eyelashes framing them perfectly, Aaron wonders what he’s thinking when his tongue darts out to wet at his plump and rosy lips, driving him wild.

“What are we waiting for?”

:::

They briskly make their way to Robert’s hotel, shoulders and fingertips brushing against each other, as their steps start to sync and speed up; both men desperately wanting to be alone.

The door to Robert’s room is barely unlocked before Aaron’s kissing up the back of his neck and placing his hands firm on Robert’s slender hips. A moan escapes from the older man’s throat, the wetness of Aaron’s breathe hot on his cold neck, his teeth grazing at Robert’s earlobe as he pushes his body flat against Robert’s. It’s enough to make Robert come undone, grinding backwards onto Aaron’s hardening cock. He’s tempted to just turn and fall to his knees there and then, but he’s stopped by Aaron pushing them through the hotel door, bodies still connected as they tumble inside.

The room’s dimly lit, the moonlight shining through the window the only thing highlighting Robert’s face, making his eyes twinkle a little as they rake over Aaron’s. His hands come up to cup at the stubbled filled jaw as he pulls the other man into a kiss.  One that is soft and inviting when Aaron opens his mouth for Robert’s tongue, breathless and unforgiving when neither of them stop for air, too caught up in each other.

Aaron’s hands hook around Robert’s waist, clutching his t-shirt at the dip of his back. It takes all his self restraint not to let the strangled moan release from his throat.

 It’s like nothing he’s ever experienced, making his adrenaline run more than any day out in the field, and his heart pound like never before. He’s worried if he doesn’t stop now he may become light headed, but he can’t seem to find room to care. These kisses feel like healing, making everything go away for a few minutes, until all he sees is…

Robert, breaking away with his winning smile and hooded eyes. Robert, who’s connecting their lips again, more passionately this time, pushing them towards the bed. Robert, whose expensive cologne is in Aaron’s nostrils, lingering. Although he’s only known this man for less than 24 hours, he knows it's ever so him, and he never wants to forget that smell.

They’re a mess of fumbling fingers and fast hands that can't seem to be controlled as they fall onto the bed. Aaron’s maneuvered them so he’s in between Robert’s thighs, admiring the view from above.

He falters with the buttons as he kisses down from Robert’s lips to his neck, feeling electric with every touch. Aaron notices a bead of sweat on Roberts forehead as he releases from the kiss and sits back on his heels. It’s almost as if he’s sparkling in the moonlight and Aaron can't help but stare, biting the inside of his cheek to keep his smile from breaking out.

Robert smiles back and Aaron can only hope he’s not alone in feeling this, whatever it may be. Illuminating with every touch, every spark of life that comes from the other man.

Roberts hand drags from Aaron’s hip to the hem of his t-shirt and his soft fingertips toy with it, leaving heat wherever they touch. Aaron knows his next move, can see it in the want in his eyes, but he’s not ready to show that part of himself yet.

He takes Roberts hands, removing them from their current location and intertwines their fingers above his head. Robert throws him a look mixed with concern and curiosity, but Aaron just shakes his head and dips back down for a kiss

“It stays on.” Aaron whispers in between kisses, mainly to avoid Robert’s questioning eyes. He recieves a nod in agreement, Robert deciding not to pry. It’s a simple gesture but it settles Aaron, makes him more comfortable with the almost stranger, who already feels far too prominent in Aaron's heart. It eases him further when Robert removes his jeans, followed by his own.

Aaron feels alive when Roberts legs wrap around his waist, fingers digging into cotton covered shoulder blades as Aaron traces his fingertip over the curve of Robert’s ass, teasing before giving in to temptation. He leaves kisses, wet and harsh, down Robert’s neck and chest, before he releases to leave purple stamps of affection once their bodies are moving in sync with each other.

The small room is hot and lingers with the smell of them both as their bodies cling to each other, losing track of where one ends and the other begins. When Aaron’s body collapses on top of Robert’s a large hand pulls lightly in his damp curls, his teeth grazing across his sharp collarbone.

It isn’t long before he’s seeing stars and shouting a name that he could become all too familiar with. Robert’s thighs are pressed tight up against Aaron’s hips, fists full of cotton bedsheets as his stomach is dressed white and his breathing finally returns to normal.

“Wow.” Robert murmurs breathlessly after a few moments. Aaron’s collapsed on the bed next to him and the soft fingertip tracing patterns on his arm is all too settling.

He cracks a laugh at Robert’s words, his head falling to the side to take him in. There's a smile on his face he can’t quite contain and although his body feel exhausted, he’s more awake than ever when looking at the blond next to him.

As moonlight dances over his side profile, Robert’s features become much more defined to his naked eye. He could count the freckles on his cheek as a way to make him fall asleep, a thought so much more satisfying than thinking about sheep.

But there’s no time for sleep. As much as he will regret it tomorrow, he has Robert tonight, and he wants to make every last minute count.

:::

Aaron wakes to warm hands on his stomach and wet kisses on his neck. He’s not quite sure when he drifted off — somewhere between discussing Robert’s business plans for the future and his own love of German Shepherds — but he feels the lack of sleep in his bones as the morning sun stings his squinted eyes.

“What times your flight?” Robert murmurs into his neck between kisses, making Aaron feel more content than he’s ever been. For a man who’s lived on Army bases and bunks the last two years, this feels like home somehow.

“Eight.” Aaron replies with a sigh, stretching his neck out and giving Robert more access to ignite his skin.

Robert’s lips tense at Aaron’s words, before the contact is lost and Aaron’s left feeling homeless. Robert’s eyes flash with disappointment as he props himself up on his elbow, looking down at Aaron.

“No time for a quicky then?” Robert jokes, but the laughter in his voice come across strained and his eyes look a little lost.

“No.” Aaron replies with a sigh. His lips turn at the corners and he feels a prickling in his chest that he tries to ignore when he sits up straighter.

He leans over, presses a soft kiss to Robert’s lips, one that lingers a little too long for just a one night stand. He shuffles out from under the sheets in silence, his body feeling cold and isolated due to the lack of contact, — or more specifically, the lack of Robert.

Aaron collects his stuff in silence, the room filled with shallow breaths and overthinking brains as Robert watches on from the bed.

Aaron turns to face him once he’s ready to leave, taking in the man in front of him as he lays back on the bed, bare chested with the white sheets low on his hips, and blonde dishevelled hair that Aaron can still feel between his fingertips. His lips are swollen red and his eyes hooded from a night of too much kissing and not enough sleeping.

He swallows down hard, knowing that not waking up to this image ever again is going to hurt more than any of the wounds he’s accumulated over the years. He tries to blink slowly, letting his eyes stay closed just a few seconds extra as he tries to remember the scatter of freckles low on Robert’s back that almost form a star if you look close enough.

A smile creeps up on his lips at the image.

He takes another look at Robert’s face, and hopes the smile he’s giving him doesn’t look too pained.

Robert begins to fumble with the bedsheets, they’re wrapped around his legs and Aaron watches him as he tries to escape from the covers and throw his legs out the bed, but Aaron stops him, tells him to stay in bed and a eerily silence takes over the room once more when Robert complies.

“So- “

“Mayb-”

They both laugh at the interruptions, it’s the lightest the air has felt all morning and Robert smiles more widely now, in a way that has his eyes crinkling at the corners.

“Maybe I can write to you?” 

It comes out in a laugh with a shrug of his bare shoulders, but there's an anxiousness to Robert’s tone.

“Yeah, maybe.” Aaron smiles back, mirroring the other man’s shoulder shrug, trying to downplay the fact that he wants Robert to do so more than anything.

He grabs a pen and scribbles some details on the hotel branded paper before taking the few small steps to where Robert is on the bed. He takes in a deep breath, a faint smile playing on his lips as he hands Robert the piece of paper. Their brushing hands sends electricity through Aaron and they both linger a little too long before Aaron leans down to kiss him on the cheek. He inhales as he does so, wants to remember this moment and everything about it once he’s out the door. He reluctantly releases his lips after a few moments and forces himself to distance.

“Bye Robert.” Aaron whispers all to close to his ear before heading towards the door.

He takes one last look, catches a glimpse of his red red ringed eyes from lack of sleep, his tousled blonde hair flat against his forehead. A far cry from the man he was last night, but Aaron could get used to waking up next to Robert bathed in the morning sunlight he thinks to himself, as the door clicks shut.

:::

Aaron’s eyes are heavy as he settles onto the cargo plane, head lolled back and a tightness in his chest.

He starts thinking about home and it’s comforts; the famous pies you can only get at the local pub, A freshly brewed mug of Yorkshire tea, and even the smell of cow manure that never quite disappears when living in small village. He never saw it as a home before. Never stuck around long enough to do so. But now, it’s the first place he thinks of when he’s feeling particularly lost.

But soon, there’s another thought occupying his mind. Images of the night before, another face behind his eyelids and he has to stop himself from smiling when he thinks about him.

“Oi, Dingle!”

A piece of scrunched up paper hits him on the side of the head. Some of his squad are laughing from the other side of the plane, Adam’s voice overpowering everyone else’s.

“Good night then I’m guessing?” He chuckles.

Aaron snarls at him, shuffling his body for comfort and closing his eyes once more, the exhaustion from the night before taking over him.

All he can think is it was so much more than just a “good night.”

Robert’s face is the last thing he sees before sleep takes him victim.

Gibraltar, March 2012

There's a trail of mud in Aaron’s wake as he make his way inside towards his bunk. Shrugging off his rain soaked jacket and hanging his helmet up, he toes off his boots. It’s been a long, miserable day and he wants nothing more than to collapse into his bed and be alone  -

“Dingle.”

Chance would be a fine thing.

Aaron stands from his bunk, groaning as he does so.

“Letter for you.” He recognizes the voice as that of his Sergeant and stands up a little straighter out of habit.

“Thanks Sarge.” He replies with a polite nod as he accepts the letter from the older man, brow furrowing as he does so.

He falls back onto his bunk, turns the rain splashed envelope over in his hands and reads the return address.

Robert J. Sugden

122 Lincoln Road

Leeds

UK

LS2 7QA

Aaron exhales sharply, excitement and nerves tingling in his veins as he recognises the name. It’s been three weeks since that name had last left his lips. Three weeks of wondering if he’d always be the one that got away.

The sound of the rain hitting the window reminds him he’s awake, and that he isn't imagining this.

His shaky hands carefully open the letter. He takes one last deep breath before his eyes scan the words.

Aaron

It's all he reads before his heart is pounding in overdrive and he has to take a few deep breaths to regain himself. He’s smiling widely and it feels almost idiotic, but Aaron’s thankful nobody else is around.

How old school is this? Writing letters to send overseas? I even bought a new ballpoint especially for this. How's the weather in Gibraltar? Anything's better than the dull skies of Leeds. I can’t believe I’ve just asked about the weather…  Anyway. I didn’t really know what to write, I just know that I wanted to write to you. I wanted to talk to you, even if it means waiting weeks or months for a reply, it’s worth it I guess. That night in Germany… It was something else, What are the chances of bumping into someone from south Yorkshire? I haven’t been able to get you off my mind since. Wow… there’s definitely something about writing letters than makes you so very honest isn't there? I hope you’re well, and still styling out the dog tag like a pro haha! It’s pretty late here, the moon looks huge tonight and i can’t help but wonder how it looks from where you are. It’s crazy that isn’t it? No matter where we both are in the world, we’ll always be looking at the same moon. Kinda makes the world feel a little smaller right?

Stay Safe

Robert.

Aaron lets out a heavy breath he didn’t realise he was holding in and laughs a little at himself as he bites on his bottom lip, but it does nothing to contain the smile. He runs a hand over his face, almost to regain himself before smiling even wider, a small noise releases from his lips before he lets his outbursts take over him and shuffles around in excitement - getting a little too carried away and banging his head on the top of the bunk bed, making him feel ridiculous. He re-reads the short letter over and over again. His heart is pounding in his chest and his pulse is in his ears, everything feels so alive for the first time in weeks.

Once his breathing steadies and his heart calms, he jumps to his feet. Manically searches in his cabinet for some scrap paper and a pen — anything that would allow him to just put all these feelings on paper before he shouts them to the moon.

He finally finds some and it’s enough to make the smile spread across his face again as he finds himself on the floor, back up against his bed and paper propped up on his knee.

His writing is a messy scribble and his words probably don’t make sense but he just needs to write.

So he does.

Robert

I wasn’t expecting to hear from you, with you being such a high flying businessman and all. Have you took over the world yet? Rainy in leeds? Shocker.. Some things never change. Gibraltar isn’t much better on the weather front though. There's nothing like a rainy day to make you homesick for English weather. I’m glad you wrote to me, and you’re right about letters making you more honest… Because you haven’t left my mind since Germany, and I don’t think you’ll be gone anytime soon. I’m still rocking the dog tags, have you got rid of your elbow patches yet? Leeds feels like another world away right now, sometimes I wish I could just take a day off, fly over for a pint and forget about everything over here for a couple of hours. Maybe one day you can take me to the pub you told me about, the one with the log fire and the craft beers? Warm budweiser is the fanciest thing I’ll be drinking for a while.

That’s a pretty cool thought about the moon,  I’ve never thought about it like that. The moon is hiding behind the clouds tonight, it’s not very big, but it’s there, and  I’m looking at it, just like you are. I guess we’ve always got the moon?

Always safe

Aaron.

Aaron breathes a sigh of relief as he drops the pen to the floor. Re-reading his words with a faint smile on his face. It’s the most excited and, dare he say, the most hopeful, he’s felt in a long time. There is something just so promising about the piece of paper in his hand. It's then that the moon catches the corner of his eye from the window, the clouds having passed by and leaving it clearer somehow. Suddenly it seems so much brighter and bolder. It makes him feel surprisingly calm, as he bites back the smile teasing at his lips.

He shoves the letter in an envelope and leaves it on his bedside cabinet to send off in the morning.

Shuffling out of his pants, he crawls under the thin blanket, missing the warmth of another body. He lays his head back on the hard pillow, Robert’s letter still crisp and neat in his hands as his eyes trace over every word, every detail of his writing. How carefully his ‘t’ curls into his ‘e’ and how he can almost hear Robert’s laugh when he writes it out on paper.

It's only when he wakes up the next morning, letter still in hand and smile on his lips that he realises just how deep he’s in.

:::

One night, one letter and suddenly Robert had Aaron completely and utterly hooked.

He becomes beside himself, any time the air post comes in. He’s the first one up, hovering over the shoulder of his superior hoping to be passed an envelope.

“Nothing for you Dingle, sorry.”

Two and a half weeks later, and still no sign of a letter.

Maybe it was a one off? Maybe Robert thought Aaron’s letter was too much, too soon? Maybe it didn’t even get to him? Countless possibilities swim through Aaron’s mind as he lays in the dark at night, looking out the window to the bright moon hidden behind the fast moving clouds.

“What's with you lately, Dingle?”

A face comes into his vision, blocking his view of the moon. Adam’s half hanging off the top bunk, his lips turned into a frown Aaron thinks, but it’s hard to tell from the way his head hangs upside down in front of him. “Not like you to be waiting on letters from home.”

“What’s it to you.” Aaron snarls, instantly regretting his defensive manner.

“I’m only asking bro.” Adam replies, throwing his hands up in defense but it all looks a bit silly from Aaron’s angle on the bottom bunk.

He sits up a bit straighter, and lets out a sigh. The last thing he wants to do is take this out on his friends, which is all Adam has ever been to him, a good friend.

They’d met six years ago at training. Both young Yorkshire lads from small villages with the world at their fingertips. Adam had quickly become the closest thing to a sibling Aaron had ever experienced. Leaving home — or lack thereof — at 16 to join the armed forces hadn’t exactly been his dream but it was what he wanted at the time; a sense of belonging, people to look out for, protect. It’s made him the man he is today. A better man. And a proud one. And Adam was there every step of the way, when nights got tough and days were long, he was always there to keep Aaron on the straight and narrow.

“How do you do it Ads ?” Aaron asks with an exhale, his fingers fiddling with a stray piece of cotton on his pillow.

“Do what?” Adam replies with a more serious face than before.

“The long distance thing.” Aaron shrugs, his eyes not meeting Adam’s.

“Ah.” Adam nods in understanding,  Aaron can practically see the light bulb going off in his head and he worries he’s said too much.

“So this is about a bloke?”

Aaron shrugs, doesn’t verbalize a response. Adam knows him well enough now to know he’s not a man of many words.

“It’s hard mate. It is, but you make it work.” Adam smiles softly. “And in the end, it’s worth it. Well, my Megan’s worth it anyway.” Adam continues, his smile growing bigger with each word.

Aaron’s heard a lot about her, the childhood sweetheart Adam left back in his village to follow his boyhood dream of joining the army. His friend flashes the photo of her in his wallet any chance he gets. It sounds like it’s straight out of a romance novel, and almost has Aaron throwing up in his mouth. But Adam’s already discussed his plans to propose next time he goes home, promising Aaron the role of Best Man at his wedding, confident in her answer already. 

“Although, the signal thing is a pain in the ass out here,” Adam groans. “Three times I tried to get some action over webcam last week! Every time, it cut out! I’m getting blue balls just thinking about it. Thank God for photos, ay?”

He chuckles, wiggling his eyebrows towards Aaron. But he just receives a smack in the face from Aaron’s pillow, followed by more laughter as Adam pulls himself back up onto his bed.

“Why you asking anyway?” Adam asks once he’s back up on his bed, out of sight from Aaron.

“No reason.” Aaron replies, not much over a whisper as he pulls the letter out of his bedside cabinet and reads.

:::

It’s one of those days. One of those terrible, awful, dreadful days.

Aaron’s messed up. He knows he has. He’s been doing this job long enough to know when he’s in for an earful from the look Sergeant Collins gives him when he messes up on the training exercises for the third time that day.

He winces at the call of his name, makes his way over with his shoulders slumped and head bowed in embarrassment.

“What the hell was that out there today?” His sergeant asks in an authoritative manner, his eyes blazing and nostrils flaring. He stands a couple of inches above  Aaron’s shorter frame, shoulders broader that his own. It makes him cower a little.

“Sorry Serg, It won’t happen again.” Aaron replies, standing up straighter now, scratching the back of his neck out of habit.

“You better well hope not! You’re supposed to be setting an example out there. So sort it out!”

“Yes Serg.” Aaron nods, before turning and making his way back to the cabin feeling defeated.

It’s not often he messes up. If anything, Aaron considers himself as somewhat of a perfectionist. But getting his head straight has seemed almost impossible of late, and although deep down he knows the reason, he tries his best to deny it.

He lets out a sigh of relief when he enters the cabin, noticing the lack of people inside. It’s almost like a weight off his shoulders that he won't have to humour anyone right now, while the dread of the day is still heavy on his shoulders.

He toes off his boots at the end of his bunk, slipping his arms out of the thick camouflage jacket. He’s all but ready to collapse into bed when it catches his eye.

The crisp white envelope laid out on his pillow, even from the distance Aaron recognizes the delicate writing. His heart begins to speed up as a sudden ecstasy comes over him, a smile pulling at his lips.

He grabs it quickly, his body sinking onto his mattress as he does so. The envelope alone makes him feel warm and settled as the worries of his day seem to evaporate into the air.

He can’t deny how happy it makes him, receiving the letter just when he needs it the most. Almost as if Robert is there with him, reassuring him it will all be ok.

He lets out a nervous breathe, his fingers delicately prying open the envelope, careful not to rip anything inside

He then settles back on his pillow, sinks into the mattress as he sighs in contentment and begins to read.

Aaron

I’m so glad you received my letter, I was worried for a second there that you were only joking about writing to each other. I hope this letter gets to you soon. I have not yet taken over the world, it’s more the other way round. You taking over mine. I’d be lying  if  I said I didn’t wait around like a sad loser for your letter, it’s a surprise I’ve gotten any work done at all!  My car broke down last week, and the company that came to my rescue? Dingle Automotives! Any relation? It made me think of you, as if you’re everywhere around me and nowhere to be seen all at the same time. There’s nothing I’d love more than for you to fly over here and let me take you for a pint, maybe one day soon? We’d go to my local, sit by the log fire and drink an ice cold beer, sounds perfect to me. I keep wondering what it would be like if we met under different circumstance. Right person, wrong time and all that stuff?  I never really believed in all that stuff until I met you, I always believed if you’d met the right person, it wouldn’t matter about the timing, you’d just make it work  I guess? How naive must I be to think it’s all that simple. I keep thinking back to that night and all the things we talked about, it was all so... easy? I’d never felt that with anyone before.

I like what you said about us always having the moon. It’s afternoon here, but it’s faint in the sky, waiting for the night to take over and the sun to set. I wonder what the moon looks like to you? Anyway, enough of my sappiness. My little sister keeps calling me smitten, I have no idea what gives her that idea! She’s cooking homemade lasagna tonight and insists I join for the dreaded weekly family meal she likes to do to try keep the peace.

Enjoy your warm Budweiser, have one for me. Hoping to hear from you soon.

Stay Safe

Robert

Aarons fingers come up to his lips, feeling the smile that is now plastered across them.  There's a warmness inside him as he reads Robert’s letter, a few occasional laughs escaping his mouth unwillingly and a few twangs of sadness in his heart as he pines for what could be. It’s a rollercoaster of emotions that leaves him feeling exhausted once he’s finished reading, dwelling on dreams of him and Robert together once again.

“You look happy.”

Aaron’s brought out of his daydream by Adams cheerful voice as he enters the cabin, toeing off his shoes in the same manner as Aaron did earlier. “I thought you’d be sulking after the earful you got today.”

“Yeah, I am.” Aaron simply replies.

Happiness. A foreign concept to Aaron Dingle, but nonetheless true. He does feel happy.

Happy, hopeful, excited.

Having the letters from Robert feels like a purpose, something to look forward too. Like he has a home somewhere to dream about when the moon is high and his eyes are heavy.

It’s almost as if Aaron’s heart is made of paper, only ever allowing pencil marks he can easily erase, except with these letters, Robert is inking himself in.

Gibraltar, May 2012

Weekly letters from Robert quickly became Aaron’s sanity. He sends his replies out almost immediately, and he receives ones back just as quickly. It’s as though the only thing that matters to the two of them is getting their letter in the post that week.

The letters from Robert almost make everything that little bit simpler in his life. The knowledge that one day soon, he’ll be able to hear all about Robert’s week keeps him steady, and makes his days run smoother, and his night’s sleep deeper. And although everything around him is moving at a normal pace, Aaron feels as though he’s looking down on everyone from his little home up in the clouds.

“Nice work out there today Dingle, you did us proud.” He receives a slap of validation on his shoulder from his Sergeant.

You can do anything you want to. Out there, defending our country, it’s truly amazing. Just please be careful...

Robert’s words play over in his head. Reminding him there's no room for mistakes in his line of work. It makes him that little bit more confident as he goes from day to day. Makes him believe a little more in himself.

He heads for his training session in the gym, even though he’s exhausted from the day he’s had.

Serg is making us train extra hard this week, two hours a day at the gym, I’m exhausted.

He recalls writing to Robert after one of his workouts, complaining about his lack of energy.

It will build character and muscles. I mean I like the former, but I definitely want to touch the latter!

Robert’s words make him laugh late into the night as he sits in his dimly lit bunk. He can almost picture Robert’s flirtatious smile as he writes the words, hearing his voice close to his ears. He wishes it was real.

It makes Aaron want to do better. Be better. All of Robert’s little words of encouragement permanently with him.

He’s not quite sure what it is they’ve got going on, or what to call it. Long distance friends? Pen Pals? He tries not to over-think it, but sometimes it’s not that simple.

When he’s in the showers alone late at night, the hot water relaxing his tense muscles. He bows his head, and let’s the liquid hit his neck before carressing down his body and loosening him up.

I only wonder what it’d be like if you were here with me now, your head on my chest, my hand in your hair. Wouldn't it be amazing? Don’t you wish it could be that simple?

It’s one of his favourite letters from Robert, the one he re-reads the most when he’s feeling a little lost, a little cold and lonely.

He runs the towel over his head, his soft hair curling as it dries. He lets the elastic of his boxers snap against his hips before climbing into bed.

The window above his bunk holds the perfect view. The bright silver moon illuminating his face, hung high in the sky. It feels bigger, closer tonight, and it makes Aaron feel like he’s on the horizon of something great.

At least we’ve always got the moon.

He smiles at his own words, before his eyes flutter with the temptation of sleep, his body bathed in moonlight as he lets exhaustion of the day take over.

:::

Aaron’s woken by a hand on his shoulder, and a shake to his body. It alerts him, has him jolting upright with strained eyes and heavy eyelids.

“Serg wants to see us mate.”

It’s Adam, mirroring Aaron’s same exhausted expression. There’s no light feeding into the cabin as the other lads make their way from their bunks and out the doors, which confirms Aaron’s suspicions of the early morning meeting.

He lets out a groan, strains a kink out of his neck as he fights back a yawn, quickly throwing on some clothes and following the rest of the lads out the cabin.

He drags his feet over the yard where he can see the rest of his squad in the distance, his sergeant standing over them in an authoritative manner.

“Right, now that we're all here.” Aaron looks around to the other lads with knitted eyebrows as his Sergeants voice booms over them.

“We’ve been given our new orders.”

“What’s he on about?” Aaron whispers towards Adam, nudging his side with his elbow to get his attention.

“Not a clue.” Adam shrugs back in the same hushed tone.

“Our work here’s done. We’re needed out in Africa. They need humanitarian assistance to help improve their security and overcome threats. Our squad has been chosen.”

There's a chorus of whispers and gasps throughout the team. Aaron looks towards Adam, who’s got a smile on his face. “Finally some fucking sun.” He cheers and Aarons rolling his eyes. There’s nothing worse than being in full gear in the burning heat, somehow Adam has forgot that small detail.

“That's not all!”

The chorus silences as all eyes divert back to Sergeant Collins.

“We move out on Monday, 9:00 AM sharp. You know what that means lads.”

The whispers start up again, and excitement fills the air as they begin throwing around assumptions, already making plans mentally.

“You get the weekend off. Do as your please, as long as you’re here by 09:00 hours Monday.”  Sergeant Collins finishes with a smile tugging at his lips from the cheer that erupts throughout the crowd of men.

Aaron feels hands on his shoulders, shaking him out of his thoughts. It’s Adam, cheering in excitement, a beaming grin spread across his face making his eyes sparkle.

Aaron’s smile becomes identical as he stands, giddy inside. Every fiber in him vibrates with adrenaline and anticipation. He feels electric, buzzing and tingling as his plan forms in his head. He walks away from the group conversing around him, heads for Sergeant Collins who is gathering his stuff together, ready for a relaxing weekend.

“Dingle?” There's an eyebrow raised in Aaron’s direction and he suddenly feels nervous under the gaze of the older man, palms beginning to clam.

“Uh. C-could I- Is it possible to use the office phone, please Serg?”

“You know where it is.” Sergeant Collins smiles, a nod of the head towards Aaron who’s already hurrying off to his bunk to grab the scrunched up paper he knows is in his cabinet.

:::

It takes him a few moments of standing silently and staring at the landline in front of him before he gets the courage to pick it up. The receiver almost slips through his grip, his palms wet as he lets out a shaky breath.

Aaron’s body buzzes with excitement, at the same time also trembling with nerves. He has to lean against the office desk and give himself a mental pep talk before he goes any further.

The number has practically been memorised from the amount of time he's spent staring at it. He feels ridiculous, annoyance mixing in with all his other emotions. It forces him to pick up the phone and dial the number without even glancing at the piece of paper before he changes his mind.

There’s a brief moment of silence before the dial tone fills Aarons ear and he feels his heart in his throat. He swallows it down hard. His knee begins to bounce up and down as he listens to the ringing which feels as if it’s getting increasingly louder as the second pass until…

“Robert Sugden.”

His voice is soft and angelic, exactly how Aaron remembers; exactly how Aaron hears as he’s drifting to sleep at night. It instantly relaxes him, settling his bouncing knee. But his heart still pounds in its cage.

“Hello?”

It’s then that Aaron realises his mouth has moved, but his tongue hasn’t broke it’s seal, leaving an eerie  silence.

“Hey.” It comes out in a cough and is almost inaudible. “Sorry. Hey. It’s erm-”

“Aaron?” Roberts voice sounds full of surprise and Aaron can’t help but bite down the smile that is spreading up the curve of his mouth.

“Yeah. Hey. You alright?” It’s so casual it almost pains Aaron. All he wants to do is get to the point as quickly as possible.

“You're phoning me?” Robert’s voice is mixed with shock and excitement and he sounds almost lost for words, before it turns more serious. “Is everything ok? Are you ok?”

“I’m fine, better than fine actually.” Aaron sighs contently into the phone, closing his eyes and picturing Robert here in front of him.

“Oh, good! It’s good to hear your voice.”

Aaron hums in agreement, smiling to himself at the sound in his ears. “I have the weekend off.”

He practically blurts it out, shocks himself at how eager he is.

“Right.” Robert replies cautiously.

“I was thinking, Leeds is nice this time of year…” Aaron laughs a little at his sad attempt of a joke, but it has Robert doing the same.

“Really?” Robert exhales, his breathe light and refreshing down the phone.

“If you’re not busy?” Aaron asks, a touch of doubt in his voice.

“For you? I’ll make time.”

:::

The conversation ends with the plan for Aaron to meet Robert at his apartment, and he hurriedly heads back to the cabin for the quickest packing of his life.

“Right boys, we on for tonight?” Ross, one of Aaron's teammates calls around the room,  his voice almost as big as his ego, which makes Aaron roll his eyes aggressively.

“No chance mate, I’m off to see the missus.” Adam laughs, even with someones as irritating as Ross Barton, he still finds a way of being friendly.

“You’re whipped mate,” Ross snubs  as he makes his way over to Aaron, who’s pulling out his rucksack from under the cabin. “You’re up for it, aren’t you Dingle?”

He slaps a hand on Aaron's back which has him frowning.

“No, I’ve got a plane to catch.” Aaron replies, monotony in his voice.

“You’re kidding right, by the time you get anywhere you’ll have less than 40 hours there.” Ross argues, but Aaron couldn't care less.

“It’s 40 more than I had this morning.” He smirks towards Ross, throwing his rucksack over his shoulder and heading for the airport.

Leeds, June 2012

Aaron’s three hour flight feels more like 30 when his impatience kicks in.

He practically runs off the airplane once it lands, glad to bypass the baggage claim and any other time consuming nonsense.

The adrenaline coursing through him makes him move fast, jogging out the building and hailing a taxi in seconds. It makes his heart pound and knees shake as he sits restless in the backseat. It’s why he throws a bundle of notes at the cab driver, already out the door and careless about the change.

Nothing really sinks in, nothing really feels real, until he stops, frozen outside the door that holds the numbers he’s been looking for.

It’s only when he raises a fist to the door that he realises how sweaty his palms have become. His hand is shaky and hesitant, making Aaron doubt for a second if he’s doing the right thing.

 He’s conflicted. He pines to see Robert, but he’s worried it could all be a mistake. The battle inside him stops him from colliding his knuckles against the hardwood door. 

Aaron exhales deeply, a signal he’s ready to take the leap. He brings his fisted hand closer to the door in a bid to knock when…

It swings open, fast and eager and stuns Aaron.

He drops his fist, focuses his eyes on the person in front of him.

Robert.

“I heard a car,” Robert exhales. His breath is released shakily, a sign his nerves are as high as Aaron’s.

“Hi,” Aaron replies, it comes out as more of a sigh of relief as he finally takes in the man in front of him.

He looks the same but different all at once. His blond hair is a little shorter than last time, quiffed up at the front. But the piercing blue-grey eyes are still the same, bright and inviting with a hint of green when the light hits them a certain way. His smile is halved, Aaron hopes it dues to the nerves, but his body language is open and enticing to Aaron.

“Hi.” Robert repeats as his smile grows bigger and his eyes wider. He gives Aaron a once over, taking him in as well.

Aaron knows his beard is slightly more trimmed than last time, his hair longer and lacking gel. His cheeks tinged red and flushed from the frantic journey here, Robert smiles at him, soft and genuine and it makes Aaron feel like he’s known it forever.

Aaron sways on his feet, unsure where to put his eyes, or his hands, or what to do next.

Robert does the same, looking out of place in his own home for a second.

Aarons eyes stop searching his surroundings, landing on Roberts face again, focusing directly on his lips, before flickering back up to his eyes. They look delicious and it makes Aaron take his own bottom lip between his teeth. He’s sure Robert notices this as his eyes turn darker and ill with want.

It’s only seconds but it feel like hours before Robert’s making the decision for them both and pulling Aaron in by his elbow to close the small gap between him.

He ducks his head, catching Aarons top lip with his in a chaste kiss. Aaron lets him, feeling the softness of Robert’s lips once more. But it's over before it starts, as though the waters are being tested.

Robert’s lips linger on Aarons without movement, prompting him to make the next move. Their foreheads are touching, noses grazing cheeks as Aaron breathes it in, remembers what it feels like to be this close to him once more, to have his aroma around him.

It’s a few more seconds before Aaron’s pushing his lips forwards as Robert’s hand grips hard at his waist. Aaron’s rucksack falls to the floor, forgotten about as one hand finds Roberts shoulder while the other one  makes its home at the nape of his neck, pulling at the short hairs there.

Aaron revels in the feeling, a slight moan escapes his lips as he pushes his body forward and Robert walks them back into his apartment, their heavy panting filling the empty room.

“Aaron-”

Robert starts, not really needing to say anything, just wanting to remember what his name felt like on his lips, but Aaron cuts him off with another kiss once his lungs are filled. He pushes his hips against Robert’s, wanting to feel all of him. He curses himself for not having more hands as he fingertips roam around Robert’s body, putting on a show.

The back of Robert’s knees hit the arm of his sofa as he pushes Aarons hoodie off his shoulders and moves his lips down to his jaw.

Aaron quickly makes work on the buttons of Robert’s shirt, clumsy fingers attempting to rid of it. His head is spinning, high on lust and need as he lets Robert nip at his collar bone, eliciting a strangled moan from Aarons throat.

“God, I’ve missed this.” Robert sighs contently into the crook of Aarons neck, kisses feeling like soft cotton against his skin. He’s never had this overwhelming need for someone before, the way he does with Robert.

“Mmmhmm.” Aaron hums in agreement as his fumbling fingers finally undo Roberts belt and he slips a hand inside his jeans, bypassing the buttons. It makes Robert groan in delight as he rocks his hips forward to meet Aarons cupped hand.

Robert’s lips come back up to Aaron’s, his hand slips down his back and past the waistband of his sweats, settling on Aarons bare ass cheeks. The sensation is cold at first, but not unwelcome. It has Aaron slipping his hand deeper inside, gripping Roberts hardened shaft inside his briefs.

It’s surreal, everything he has dreamed about for the past few weeks happening right now before his eyes. It’s almost like his hands have a mind of their own. His free hand pushes Robert’s shirt off his shoulders, his other softly tugging at the thickness of Robert in his hands.

He lets Robert roll them so the backs of Aaron’s leg are now against Robert’s sofa. Robert pushes his body forward as he removes his hands from Aaron’s sweats and guides them to a lying position on his sofa.

Aaron lets him take control, helpless under his touch when he pulls his sweatpants and boxers down in a swift movement, discarding of them quickly and diverting his eyes back to Aaron.

He licks his lip as he takes him in, lying flat out on the sofa; his sofa. Bare from the waist down, his black t-shirt staining from where his hard cock has begun to leak onto it. Robert doesn't try to remove it this time, knows Aaron will let him know when he’s ready.

He grins as he shuffles out of his own jeans and lowers his body on top of Aaron's. Aaron watches, his eyes almost black with his need. His hands instantly come to Roberts waist, pulling him closer as Robert's chest collides with his and they fall back into a steady rhythm of lips moving and hips grinding.

Aaron wants to cherish every moment, watch Robert’s every move. His eye stay lingering on him when they part and he shuffles his body so he’s sat on his heels in between Aaron’s legs, dangerously close to exactly where Aaron wants him to be.

Robert smirks — of course he does — before he dips his head, hovering just above Aaron’s knee. He wets his lips as Aaron watches on through his lashes, hairs standing to attention from the softest of touches.

Robert places the first kiss, gentle and light, holding back his desire. He presses another and another, moving higher up the length of Aaron’s thigh as he does so.

He’s so close now that when he pulls back from the kiss Aaron can feel his hot breath tickle at his balls and his cock pulses right before Robert’s eyes.

“Rob-” Aaron almost cries out, his breath caught in his throat as he swallows down hard at the sight of Robert between his legs.

It’s as though his name releasing from Aarons lips in such a way pushes him over the edge and Robert can’t take much more, can’t resist his own temptation for much longer.

He’s desperate. Desperate to taste Aaron, to feel him, to be part of him.

He ducks his head, Lets his tongue lay flat against Aaron’s taint, hearing Aaron’s breath get heavier as he does so. He slowly drags it upwards, slowly over his balls and up his shaft.

His eyes connects with Aaron’s once he’s at the head, and he smirks as he takes it softly between his lips and releases with a pop.

“You’re enjoying this aren’t you?” Aaron attempts to scowl but it comes out as a whimper. Robert’s eyes gleam and his grin becoming wider.

“You have no idea.” Robert says before he dips lower and swallows Aaron whole, causing a chorus of curse words to erupt from Aaron’s mouth as he grabs a fists full of sofa with one hand, and Robert’s hair with another. Robert’s fingers make Aaron’s back arch as he thrusts into Robert’s mouth. 

It’s not long before Aaron’s pleading, no, begging Robert to give him what he so desperately needs, intoxicated by everything that is Robert Sugden

Robert agrees, not wanting to deny himself anymore as he grabs what he needs and positions himself.

It’s as though its in slow motion and passing before their eyes all at one. It’s passionate and intense but Aaron still begs for more. His legs over Robert’s shoulders, their lips exploring each others bodies.

They’re two people but one body. Sharing the same feelings, the same wants, and the same desires long after they’re done calling each other's names and trembling from their respective climaxes.

Sweat lingers on their bodies as they stay tangled up, hearts racing and breathing faltering. It’s more than either of them have ever felt before,  a connection they can’t quite explain or put into words.

So they don't try. Instead, they speak with kisses, and light touches of fingers tracing down forearms, and nails scratching at scalps, while eyes are heavy and smiles are soft.

Aaron’s not sure how long they’ve been sprawled out on the sofa,  enjoying each other's presence. He doesn’t quite care either,  happy to let the world pass by around them if it means he can spend his days with Robert.

“We should probably make a move.” Robert sighs, unwillingly wanting to follow through with his  suggestion. His hand stops its roaming of Aaron’s curls as he positions himself into a seated position.

“Yeah.” Aaron mirrors Robert’s reluctant sigh as he makes the effort to move into a sitting position himself. He pushes his weight up with his elbow, feeling a shooting pain between his neck and shoulder, it has him wincing loudly.

“You alright?” Robert asks, concern lacing his features as he grabs hold of Aaron's arm and helps him sit up.

“Yeah. I just pulled something the other day.” Aaron explains, rolling his shoulder in hopes to get rid of the pain.

“Let me see.” Robert asks and Aaron does as he’s told, shuffling so his back is towards Robert.

He feels the rough fingertips come into contact with his shirt-covered back. Large hands suddenly working on loosening up his shoulder. He freezes, the feeling of hot breath hitting the back of his ear making his own breathing falter slightly. He tries to compose himself.

“Better?” Robert whispers into his ear, nose grazing against it lazily. All Aaron can do is swallow and nod in agreement.

“Good.” Robert replies, place a wet kiss on the side of Aaron’s neck before releasing his grip on his shoulders. Aaron frowns at the loss of contact and the strain in his underwear.

“Come on, we need to shower.” Robert announces as he jumps from the sofa, a spring in his step.

“Shower?” Aarons asks with a eyebrow raise, confusion in his voice.

“Yep,” Robert beams, smile wide and excited. His eyes sparkle as he speaks, “I’m taking you out.”

Aaron let’s Robert’s infectious excitement take over him, he smiles widens and he opens his mouth to ask more questions but he’s cut off by Robert, standing in just his boxers, hands on hips with his eyebrows high.

“No questions!” He declares before making his way towards the bathroom. He calls over his shoulder, “So, Are you joining me?”

Aaron doesn’t need asking twice.

:::

They’re sat in a small little family-run pub not far from Robert’s apartment, but still pretty central for it to be packed full on the early Saturday evening. They’ve managed to bag themselves a cosy little table for two close to a fireplace. Although it’s not lit, it’s still perfect.

It’s the place Robert had told Aaron about. The place they’d spoke about in their letters. The place Aaron has been dreaming of visiting. It lives up to the high expectations he’s been holding it to. The decor is old and worn, giving it that ever so homely feeling, with its mismatched armchairs and its bright curtains, all warm and inviting. He smiles at his surroundings, the main one being Robert’s with his porcelain grin and blonde features making him glow.

Aaron sinks into the worn cushions of his seat as he smiles to himself. His stomach is full as he sips tenderly on his pint. It’s the best meal he’s had in the longest time, their plates sitting discarded in the middle of the table. His heart feels whole as he watches Robert catch his eye from across the table and smile shyly at him.

“Did you have much planned this weekend?” Aaron asks curiously as he places his pint back on the table and relaxes back into his seat.

“Nothing that wouldn’t keep.” Robert smiles knowingly and Aaron sees a glint in his eye that tells him it’s possibly a little white lie.

Aaron smiles back, finds it hard not too. Something about the way Robert presents himself has Aaron biting at the corner of his lip to stop the grin spreading. Whether its his genuineness or his flirtation, Aaron doesn’t know whether to kiss him or shove him most of the time, but he knows he wouldn't have it any other way.

“Another?” Robert asks waving his empty pint glass in front of Aaron and getting to his feet.

Aaron nods in agreement, enjoying the view as he walks towards the bar.

Empty pint glasses litter their table as they delve further into the night. The pub atmosphere is electric as the music gradually gets louder and people surround them, bumping into their table and dancing around their chairs, but they dont mind.  They’re in their own little world, chatting away about childhood memories and dreams for the future. It’s perfect in every way possible,  and Aaron can’t find the words to describe it. He doesn’t even try to put a name to what he’s feeling, as it all feels a bit scary.

Somewhere throughout the night, the desperation of wanting to be closer takes over and Robert shuffles his chair around the table, next to Aaron. He’s so close now that Aaron can see the finer details of his face; the laugh lines by his eyes, the length of his dark lashes as he blinks slowly, the wetness of his lip as he sips another pint.

Robert’s leaning on the arm of the chair, practically on top of Aaron as he smiles and nods in agreement at Aaron’s story, his eyes never falling from his lips as he watches the wetness dry out and Aaron carries on speaking. But he’s suddenly distracted.

He wants to kiss him. God, he wants to kiss him.

Aaron’s voice starts to trail off, noticing Robert isn’t paying much attention to anything other than his lips.

They stop moving. Robert lets his eyes trail up and meet Aaron’s for a moment. There’s a current pulling them closer as their eyes lock, dark and wanting as they bore into each other and Aaron finds himself leaning forward at the same time Robert cocks his head to the side and their lips meet.

It’s soft, slow, and tender — unlike the kisses from this morning.

Robert’s hand drops from the arm of the chair, falling onto Aarons thigh and soothingly rubbing up and down as their kiss deepens and Aaron’s heart feels like its about to break through his chest and land in Robert’s lap.

Nothing and nobody else seems to matter, and as Robert’s hand inches dangerously close to Aaron's crotch, it’s almost as if they speak without words, agreeing that now is the time to leave.

They’re like giggling teenagers, running out the pub hand in hand with eagerness to get home. The want for each other over takes though, once the fresh air hits them and Aarons feels dizzy. He pulls Robert by the hand, their bodies crashing together the same times as their lips and they fall against a wall not far from the pub, mouths never disconnecting once.

It’s almost like they’re in their own little bubble and nobody else can get in until…

… they hear a scoff coming from beside them.

It’s loud and filled with disgust and the sound of it makes Aaron pull his lips away quickly out of habit, his heart sinks a little. Robert’s eyes are big in confusion.

When he looks up, Aaron’s eyes fall on a group of men, stumbling away and diverting their gaze from where it was once on Aaron and Robert.

He feels his jaw clench and not even the feel of Robert’s breath against his lips and the soothing hand on his back can't relax him.

“Faggots.”

One of them mutters under his breath as they turn to walk away, but the stomping noise of Aaron’s footstep as he marches over to makes them look back.

“Aaron?” Robert questions, voice small and filled with confusion as he looks on, towards a raging Aaron.

His hands have made fists and his breathing is steady through his flared nostrils. He steps closer, ignoring Roberts call and squaring up to the group of men.

“What was that?” He asks, voice steady and challenging. His shoulders are broad as he stands straight, not backing down.

“Listen mate-”

Aaron doesn't let him finish, before he’s seeing red and then black and his knuckles are stinging but he doesn't care. He throws another punch, although he’s not even sure what he’s hitting when he feels an arm on his shoulder and he’s elbowing upwards towards a face.

He feels himself being pulled and his name being shouted but he still throws punches, his pulse loud in his ears and his breath shaking.

He’s not sure what it is that knocks him out of it, his feet are moving but he has no sense of his surroundings until he’s collapsing onto a hard wall and trying to regain a steady breathing method.

“Aaron?”

The voice calms him, and he looks up startled, everything suddenly comes back in to focus, the noises of shouting and guns fade out in his ears and are replaced with cars passing and the the light wind and Robert.

He’s stood in front of him, a worried look on his face, lips tugged down into a frown. His hands are out in front of him, like he wants to touch Aaron but is not sure if he should.

His jacket is creased, pulled off his shoulders and there's a red mark on his face that suddenly makes Aaron panic.

“Did I?” Aaron’s voice trembles as he steps closer to Robert — thankful when he doesn’t move —  his hand comes up to cup at his cheek, a thumb stroking softly over the fading red mark.

“No, No, I got dragged off by one of them, you didn’t - Aaron-”  Robert doesn’t finish, he just tries to catch Aaron’s eyes once more, hoping for the answer to his questions, but Aaron doesn't look at him.

He turns his focus to his knuckles, red, and grazed, and sure to be bruised by the morning. They sting when he presses a thumb to them, his eyes glossy and mouth frowning.

He hates himself for losing it like that, especially in front of Robert. He feels ashamed, embarrassed that he let it get to him.

He doesnt look up to meet Robert’s eyes. He’s waiting, waiting for him to run, waiting for him to call him a psycho, waiting for him to make up an excuse and head for the hills.

“Hey,” Aaron feels fingers hook under his chin, a voice soft and comforting than makes him feel safe. Aaron lets his face be lifted by the strong hand, eyes finally meeting Robert’s. But they're not filled with horror like he had assumed. They're sad but worried and filled with questions that Aaron’s not sure he can answer.  “Let’s go home?”

Home.

The word alone makes Aaron’s heart melt and causes an eruption of something in his stomach. His eyes widen in shock and he can’t quite find the words to reply. He just nods, agreeing in silence as he lets Robert throw his arm around his shoulder and guide him back to his apartment. .

:::

The walk home is quick and silent. The tension in the air thick as it fills with unanswered questions. But Robert’s grip on Aaron’s shoulder doesn't loosen, his smile is supportive and calm when Aaron dares to look at his face.

He falls onto Robert’s couch, his eyes still taking in his knuckles that have now swelled and begun to bruise. He hears the other man knocking around in the kitchen but before he knows it, a steaming mug is being place in front of him and Robert’s crouching on the coffee table next to it.

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

His voice is gentle and it pulls at Aaron’s heartstrings. He suddenly feels guilty for ruining their night.

He shrugs silently, eyes now on the steam coming from the mug that he has no intention of drinking from.

Robert silently waits for him to start talking, his hands clasps in his lap and his eyes firmly on Aaron.

“I just…” Aaron lets out a shaky breath, repostions himself under Robert’s gaze. “Lose it sometimes. I get in my head, and before I know it I’ve left a path of destruction.”

He sighs and finally chances a glance at Robert whose eyes are not judgmental, or filled with disgust. It makes him feel more at ease, and able to carry on.

“Those guys, when they said what they did, I- I just couldn't help myself. I couldn't leave it-”

“You had every right to stick up for yourself, for us,” Robert interrupts when he notices Aaron’s self-hatred pouring out of him.

“I should’ve been the bigger man though. I should’ve walked away,” he spits back, but there's no venom directed towards Robert, more to himself. “But before I knew it, I was hearing explosions and feeling crowded and it was like my body was working on auto pilot and- And-”

“Hey,” Robert soothes, shuffling close on the table and placing a hand on Aaron’s thigh to calm him. “I get it, ok? I get it.”

He ducks his head to make sure Aaron can see the honesty in his eyes.

“You’re the bravest person I know, Aaron. So you have a few things to deal with up here. Don’t we all?” He continues, pointing towards his head. “Don’t ever apologize for who you are. Those assholes could never dream of being the fraction of the man you are. You hear me?”

Robert smiles as he squeezes Aaron’s knee just to reassure him that little bit more.

Aaron stays silent, doesn’t quite know what words to form as his eyes begin to rim with tears. It isn’t exactly the night he had planned to spend with Robert. As though Robert senses Aaron’s guilt, he moves onto the sofa next to Aaron, sitting close so their knees touch. Aaron locks eyes with him when he does.

“I’m sorry for ruining our night.” Aaron says shyly.

“You didn’t.” Robert confirms, a small smile beginning to tug at his lips as he looks into Aarons blue eyes, shining with unshed tears. “Aaron, you’re amazing, you know that?”

Robert breathes out, shaky and nervous from his confession.

Aaron’s heart swells, he stares back into Robert’s eyes, as they sparkle with something Aaron can’t quite put his finger on — or maybe is scared too.

He can’t help but smile, feeling stupid for the emotions he’s shown tonight, ruining his ‘tough guy’ image.  Robert’s smile widens, pearly white teeth and crinkled eyes and Aaron is helpless, intoxicated by everything that is Robert Sugden, from the smell of his cologne to the large hand on his shoulder and the way his freckles make out a pattern on his face that has been sketched into Aaron’s mind for weeks.

Robert moves his hand from Aaron’s shoulder and softly cups his jaw, his thumb swiping away a stray tear Aaron had let fall. He leans in, catching Robert’s lips with his own chapped and dry ones and kisses him passionately. It tastes of salty tears and words he can’t say.

Robert deepens the kiss. Both hands cupping at Aarons jaw, reeling in the feeling of stubble under his fingertips. They stay like that for a few moments, wanting to savour every last taste and feel of lips against lips until Robert’s parting them.

Aaron furrows his brow for a second until his fingers are being intertwined with Roberts and he’s being pulled from the sofa and led towards Robert’s bedroom. Robert makes sure to tell Aaron he will be damned if they don’t experience his soft cotton bed sheets at least once this weekend. He pulls at Aaron’s hand.

Their lips connect once more as they fall atop Robert’s bed, shuffling into a comfortable position without ever losing contact. They somehow end up with Aaron on his back, Robert straddling his thighs as their chests heave against each other, rising and falling in sync.

Robert’s immersed in everything that is the man below him. he feels as though he awakened something inside of him, some sort of passion-like feeling he’s never felt before.

Their kisses become deep, frantic and breathless. Aaron arches his back to be closer as Robert’s hands press into Aarons hip bones under where this t-shirt as risen slightly.

It’s when Aaron’s hands are shoving at the shoulders of Robert’s dress shirt, fingers grazing skin that Robert’s actions become careless. His hands tug at Aarons shirt and he kisses down hard on the other man's lips, never wanting to part.

Aarons hands connect with bare skin, he pushes Robert forcefully away in a panic once the realization register with him, he instantly feels the loss of Robert’s lips. Robert’s face floods with confusions, Aaron’s body tenses underneath him and the air feels cold and that's when Robert’s face falls, he remembers.

Aaron’s eyes dart away from Robert’s, his face softens from rage to embarrassment, cheeks feeling hot. When Aaron looks back up, He notices Robert eyes soften and fill with worry from his actions.

“Shit, Sorry… I… I forgot.”  Robert panics. His hands flop to the side, as though he’s not quite sure where to put them.

Aaron connects their eyes again, he looks worried and thoughtful, like he has the weight of the world on his shoulders and Roberts arm twitches a little, Aaron wonders if he’s scared to touch him now.

“No…. It’s ok.” Aaron nods, almost hesitantly as he keeps his eye on Robert. He shuffles up under Robert’s weight into a slight sitting position, but still flat under Robert’s hips. He grabs at his tee, toying with the cotton.

“Aaron, you don’t- “ Robert begins, it makes Aaron sure he wants to do this.

“I want to.” Aaron confirms, a small smile tugging on his face. Even though he’s sure, he’s still grateful that once again it’s only the moonlight illuminating the room for them.

Robert nods, his way of telling Aaron he understands. His eyes are on Aaron as he quickly pulls the t-shirt over his head and discards it across the room.

Aaron’s eyes dart to his own chest and stomach, tracing his hand across a scatter of scars as if to cover them. Robert’s eyes fall to the area, Aaron notices the shock Robert tries to repress, but his eyes are shining and glossed over.

Robert’s eyes trace over them for just a second, Aaron feels more vulnerable than ever, but Robert’s does not stare too long and Aarons grateful for that. They’re red, deep — some even a blackish colour — and raised, littered down his left side from his chest to his stomach.

Robert removes his eyes from lingerging too long, back up towards Aaron who is now swallowing hard in front of Robert, hands stil over his chest.

Aaron lets his hand be linked in Roberts and, pulled away from where he attempts to hide his scaring. Robert dips his head as he does so, eyes never leaving Aarons shining, crystal blue ones and kisses him hard.

Robert kisses deeper in attempts to show Aaron exactly what he’s thinking, but just to be sure, he parts and let his lips brush against Aarons as he tells him.

“You’re beautiful.” He whispers into the night air, low and husky. He seals it with another kiss that Aaron smiles into. “So beautiful.”

He’s not sure how to label this feeling, but he knows he doesn't want it to end.

They kiss and discard more clothing quickly. Robert kisses down the length of Aaron's body, cherishing every bit of exposure. Robert eyes are on Aarons constantly, letting him set the speed, to which Aaron is grateful for.

Aaron nods constantly, letting Robert know that every touch, every kiss, every whisper of encouragement is ok — more than ok. It’s a high Aaron’s never experienced, so carefree and himself in a way he’s never been with anyone before. It’s consuming and inconvenient but it’s the best thing he’s ever felt, as if they’re floating on clouds and the moon is their only audience.

They take their time, making every second, every touch, every breathless moan count and when Aarons toes curl, and his back arches into Robert’s chest, they become one. Clammy palms on sweaty skin, hair stuck to forehead and kisses tasting salty, there’s nowhere else he’d want to be in that moment.

There's more kisses on Aaron’s forehead as the emotional and physical exhaustion takes over him. The crook of Robert’s neck is the comfiest pillow he’s ever experience, his arms like Egyptian cotton around his body. Aaron lets his eyes drop down and his breathing steady as they bypass days.

Aarons breath bounces off Robert’s chest before it turns into heavy breathing in the air of the night.

He feels Robert shuffle, he checks the clock on the bedside table, its somewhere past 1am and the moon’s still high - he’s not sure what it is about those hours after midnight that make you much more honest and open, but tonight Aarons  thankful for them.

“I wish you didn’t have to leave.”  Robert whispers into Aarons curls with one last kiss, Aaron’s heavy breathing being mistaken for sleeping. He smile into Robert’s chest, Robert’s small snores a comfort to him, a lullaby in his ears.

:::

Aaron’s alarm is Robert’s singing and the smell of bacon. He  awakens feeling well rested and content, much more than he ever has in his bunk back at base. He sinks his face into the pillow next to him, inhaling the scent of everything that is Robert and smiles happily. It all feels too easy, and he’s waiting for the catch.

But he already knows what it is. He checks the clock, knowing there’s a flight with his name on it in a few hours.

“Oh, You’re awake?” Robert questions as he enters the bedroom, two mugs in hand and a plate in the other holding two toast sandwiches.

“Barely.” Aaron yawns and stretches out his body, making room for Robert on the bed.

The older man passes him the steaming mug of coffee and settles the plate down in between them on the bed. Aaron sips, pleasantly surprised how the coffee is exactly how he likes it, without Robert having to ask.

He smiles over at Robert as he grabs at the plate and takes a mouthful of his toast and bacon combination. It’s cooked to perfection, bacon not too crispy, toast not too burnt, it taste so good that Aaron can’t help but let a involuntary moan release from his lips as he swallows down a first bite.

There's a slight laugh from besides him and Aaron turns to find Robert, wide eyed and mouth slightly ajar in mid-bite of his own toast.

“What?” Aaron asks, a slight shrug to his question as he takes another large bite and smiles as he chews, eyes closed and jaw in perfect movement.

“The crumbs in the bed are worth it just for that reaction.” Robert chuckles before taking a small bite of his own sandwich, making sure to catch the crumbs with his plate. He’s not usually one for eating in bed, Aaron imagines, but it’s the only place he wants to be with him.

“It's good.” Aaron shrugs at his own statement, swallowing down his mouthful with a gulp of coffee.

Robert just smiles back, and the sight of him in the morning is too pleasing to Aaron’s eye. The sun shining through his window at the right angle that sort of gives Robert an angelic look as he sips from his mug. The white sheets hung low on his waist and his perfectly toned torso on show. Aaron swallows hard once he’s finished with his mug and places it to the side. He hears Robert exhale heavily next to him, almost in preparation for what he’s about to say.

“Last night…” He begins, perking Aarons attention and making him turn towards him, a soft but curious look on his face willing the other man to continue. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

Robert’s eyes flicker to Aaron’s chest as a way of explanation. Aaron instantly stiffens.

“You don't have to.” Robert panics, eyes wide with worry. It’s clear the last thing he wants to do is upset Aaron during their last few hours together.

“No it’s…” Aaron breathes a sigh of release, he turns his body towards Robert, giving his full attention to the other man who’s smiling at him reassuringly now. “It’s just hard to talk about.”

“You don’t have to tell me Aaron, I understand.”

“But I want to.” Aaron smiles back at Robert.

“It was a few years back-” He lets out a shaky breath before prompting himself to continue. “I’d not been in the forces long. I was on my first tour in Iraq. I was young. I felt invincible and maybe even a little excited? I was doing this great thing, honoring my country and helping save lives, I felt amazing.”

Aaron smiles at the memory, before his face turns firm again.

“We were doing a routine check of the streets, I was following my Sergeant's orders. We had our positions, spread out across the street, checking the cars and hiding places for civilians. It’s was a standard job, an easy day’s work  — until it wasn't.”

He pauses, swallows the lump in his throat hoping to ease his thumping heart, his shoulders become stiff as the memory that comes to mind haunts him. “I was having a laugh with a member of my team. That was the only noise I remember hearing, his laugh at some stupid joke I was telling, before- Before-”

He feels his eyes start to glisten with the unshed tears

Robert takes Aaron’s hand in his own and squeezes,It says more than any words could. Aaron lets a shaky smile form on his lips, Robert’s actions easing him into the story. It makes him feel secure, safe as Robert’s thumb gently brushes over the back of Aaron's hand and Robert waits patiently for him to continue. He closes his eyes, and lets the memory take over.

“There was an explosion. A roadside bomb. I can still hear the sound even now, sometimes. I don’t think I’ll ever forget.”

A tear falls from Aarons eye, Robert’s grip on his hand tightens, but he doesn’t speak, it’s not the time, and Aaron can’t help but be happy he’s still here, hearing him out - so he continues.

“My sergeant, he was the closest to the explosion. He didn’t stand a chance. David, the lad I was having a laugh with,  he blocked the explosion from me. Well, mostly,” His voice breaks at the memory of his friend. “We were hit with shrapnel. Lots of hit, Thousands of pieces flying at us. with such force and terrifying velocity, All we could do was let it. David got the most. his face, It - It was - his screams where loud, he was in pain and when I could look, I just remember, there was blood coming from his eye and all over his body before we were getting pulled by some other members of our team and getting help. I remember the pain, lots of tiny bits of metal from the bomb, and wood and rocks from the explosion… 

“David, he was out of action after that. I spent a few days in hospital, waiting for the pieces to come out and the injuries to heal. Although they never really do, you still have the pieces inside of you, you still have the scars, here,” Aaron points to his bare chest, “and here.”

He points to the head, the memories still fresh.

“I lost a friend that day, I could've lost my own life. Anything from that day is just extra time in the game you know? I’m lucky to only come out of it with my mutated body.”

He shrugs sadly as tear pulls at his eyes but he tries his best to hold them back. Robert brings his thumb up rub over his cheek and Aaron slowly opens his eyes and meets them with Robert’s soft, understanding ones. He nods towards him, letting him know it’s going to be ok.

“Listen to me, you’re not mutated.” Robert says firmly, his eyes boring into Aaron’s. “You’re beautiful. Inside and out.”

His thumb caresses the line of Aaron's cheek bone.

“You’re the strongest person I know. It’s amazing what you’re doing out there. You’re amazing And I-” Robert stutters, his breath unsteady. He looks almost petrified as he stumbles over his words  “I just want you to remember that, ok?”

Aaron smiles back, placing a hand over where Robert’s is on his cheek.

“Thanks,” he whispers while rubbing his hand over Robert’s.

“Thank you,” he repeats more sure of himself, before leaning over to seal with a kiss.

“Thank you for telling me.” Robert replies once their lips part.

Aaron smiles. Thankful that he did.

:::

There’s nothing more perfect than a day spent in bed. Cotton bed sheets are the only clothes you wear, the arms of another the only entertainment needed. Aaron and Robert agree to spend their last few hours together, held up in their own little hide away of pillows and light kisses, laughter and happiness, as they learn each other’s fears and goals and experience each other in more ways than writing in a letter ever could.

It makes the passing hours and approaching end all that much worse.

“I guess you have to get going soon.” Robert speaks after another one of their many breathless kissing sessions. His finger traces a pattern on Aaron’s forearm, or maybe a word. A four letter word that had been scratching at Aaron’s throat.

“Yeah.” Aaron sighs, turning to face Robert whose eyes are following his finger tracing.

“We can still write though, yeah?” Aaron asks hopefully. Robert looks up to meet his eye, they are wide and eagear, but then his face burrows in concentration. Robert leans forward, presses a light kiss at the tip of Aaron’s nose, making Aaron scrunch up in embarrassment.

“Of course, and maybe when you get back…” Robert trails off, the unfinished sentence speaking louder to Aaron. Aaron only hows that Robert can feel this, wants what he wants.

“A year,” Aaron nods. like he’s certifying what Robert just said and he smiles at him with such hope and want that Aaron never wants to let him go -Robert  has already teased about tying him to the headboard once or twice - for more than one reasons.

“A year,” Robert repeats, nodding his head a few times like he’s thinking it through. “And then, you come home?”

“And then I come home…” Aaron wants to say “to you,” but he holds back, in fear of sounding too keen. He knows he’s deployed to Africa for a year, and then he has the choice to come home.

“A year,” Robert repeats, a smile on swollen lips, soft and thoughtful as if exploring all of the possibilities he could have in just a year

:::

 They don’t speak about it again until Aaron’s got his bag over his shoulder a little while later, and they’re swaying outside Robert’s front door like two awkward teenagers.

“Let me drive you to the airport,” Robert pleads, his hands running up and down Aarons biceps as he stands in his loungewear, hair flat on his head and high off their day together.

“No Rob. Honestly, it's easier to just do this here,” Aaron replies with a frown

“You’ll write yeah? Once you land in Africa, let me know how things are-” Robert asks almost desperately. 

“I’ll write.” Aaron interrupts with a kiss, stopping Robert’s rambling. “Plus, it’s only a year, right?”

Aaron laughs to try and mask the seriousness of the statement.

“Yeah. Just a year.” Robert lets out a small chuckle that sounds a little forced before sighing at the realization “Plus, we’ll always have the moon.”

He says quietly, Aaron almost doesn’t actually hear him, he wonders if it’s maybe from fear of Aaron teasing him at the soppiness.

He’s met with a kiss, long and eager that he almost falls back, feels lightheaded and weezy as their lips part and their chests heave.

 “Bye Rob.”  Aaron’s saying against his lips, foreheads touching and arms entwined.

Robert chokes out his goodbye as Aaron rubs at his face, caging his emotions and turning quickly to leave.

“Stay safe.”