Chapter Text
It starts like this.
Shiro is frustrated with his inability to do more for the team, forced to sit back and let Keith take the reins while he recovers. Keith is frustrated that flying home is taking longer than they wanted. Shiro tries to reassure Keith and Keith tries to comfort Shiro, but it just ends with irritation on both ends.
Living in the same Lion means that there's no chance to escape and cool down for a while, which adds to the frustration that has become directed at each other. It creates a heavy tension between them, palpable to the rest of the time, and the bubble is going to burst any day now.
One day, it finally does.
Keith and Shiro are talking—arguing—in the Black Lion while the rest of the team is out foraging for supplies on a planet they decided to stop at for a quick break.
There's an edge to Keith's voice when he speaks, cheeks flushed red and violet eyes sparking with irritation. Shiro snaps something back and digs his nails into his palms, fighting the urge to scream.
Shiro doesn’t know how it happens.
Maybe it’s the way Keith’s cheekbones seem sharp beneath the purple lighting of Black’s interior or the way his lips move when they form Shiro’s name. All he knows is that something snaps as they gravitate towards each other, and suddenly they’re locked in a biting kiss as they blindly navigate their way to the pile of blankets on the floor.
Nothing more is said when Keith pushes him down onto his back and starts kissing his throat, sharp teeth ghosting over his skin while Shiro tugs on his hair. Not even when Shiro is hastily opening him up with his fingers while Keith loosely pumps his cock or when Keith is sinking down on him with a low moan and all Shiro can feel is tight, wet heat.
The only noises that leave them are grunts and moans when Keith starts a fast pace, practically bouncing on his lap while Shiro grips his hip hard enough to bruise and matches him with hard upward thrusts.
So, it starts with frustration and ends with them fucking.
Afterwards, when they’re both panting beside each other, Shiro swallows and says, “So that happened.”
Keith rolls onto his stomach, hair plastered to his forehead with sweat and face still flushed. “It did,” he says plainly. “And I feel so much better now. Don’t you?”
“Now that you’ve said it, I do,” Shiro admits. His skin no longer feels tightly stretched across his body, and he’s feeling much more relaxed than before. “I just can’t believe that’s all it took for us to be less… cranky.”
“Cranky?” Keith snorts. “That’s a cute way to describe how annoyed we were.” He shifts onto his side, head propped up on his elbow. Shiro keeps his eyes away from his chest. “I’m sure the rest of the team will be happy with the fact that we’re no longer seconds away from tearing each other’s throats out.”
“We weren’t that bad…”
“We got into an argument over food goo, Shiro.”
“Okay, maybe we were that bad.” Shiro frowns, unable to keep the worry out of his voice when he asks, “Is this going to change anything?”
“It doesn’t have to,” Keith says assuringly. His eyes flash with something akin to sorrow, but it’s gone before Shiro can try to focus on it. Maybe he imagined it. “We’re two friends who wanted to relieve some stress and found the perfect way to do it.”
“Are you sure?”
“Positive.” Keith pushes himself up and walks over to their pile of armor, digging through it while he says flippantly, “It’s just sex, right?”
“Right,” Shiro echoes, unable to tear his eyes away from the toned muscles of his back as Keith pulls on his Paladin undersuit.
His chest feels heavy, and he doesn’t know why.
☆ ☆
“ Shiro… ”
Their foreheads are pressed together as Shiro shallowly rocks his hips, panting. Keith clutches him tightly, and Shiro nearly moans at the sharp bite of nails digging into his back. Lips ghost over his own, almost a kiss but also not quite, and with another whisper of his name following.
“I got you,” Shiro breathes, snapping his hips forward. “I got you, baby.”
They’re in the sleeping quarters that the leader of this planet allowed them to use for the night, a reward for helping her people out with an internal problem. It was a bit of a challenging task, but Pidge and Hunk helped them pull through, and they were welcomed with cheers when they exited their Lions.
Shiro and Keith were drawn to each other once again, kisses harsh and biting as the adrenaline turned to heat. They left their clothes in a messy pile on the floor and climbed into bed together, where Shiro took his time taking Keith apart with his tongue until Keith yanked him up and demanded to be fucked.
He had obliged, too high-strung to make Keith beg for it like he normally would.
After the first time they fucked, things quickly grew heated between them. They couldn’t keep it to only one time, always relieving tension with each other and never acknowledging it. Sometimes, Keith initiates it. Sometimes, Shiro does.
Usually, they both do.
Shiro kisses down Keith’s throat when his head falls back, sweeping his tongue over his pulse. He wants to bite down on that spot and leave a bruise, but they’ve agreed not to leave marks to avoid questions from the rest of the team.
“Shiro,” Keith gasps, much more desperate. “C-Come on!”
“I said I’ve got you,” Shiro murmurs, threading fingers through his hair and tugging on it so he can make Keith look at him. “I’ll give you what you want. You know I will.”
Keith’s eyes roll back when he fucks in harder, deeper, and Shiro feels a wave of smug satisfaction roll through him when he hears his noises turn high-pitched and breathy. He tugs on his hair again while Keith slips a hand between them, groaning when Keith’s cunt tightens around him and pulses as he reaches his peak. Shiro pulls out to jerk himself off, releasing on Keith’s stomach.
“Made a mess,” Keith grumbles as Shiro flops down beside him.
“I don’t wanna cum all over these nice sheets,” Shiro replies, nose scrunching up. “That’s gross.”
“You do it on our blankets all the time! How is this any different?”
“We wash those ourselves,” Shiro answers. ”I’d rather not look the leader in the eyes knowing that I came all over the sheets in the room she so kindly lent us.”
“Hm. I see your point.”
Shiro watches as Keith slides his fingers through the cum on his abdomen, his ears growing hot when Keith sucks them into his mouth. Keith turns his head and locks eyes with him, brow arching as he gathers up some more to repeat the action—except he leans forward and captures Shiro's lips in a kiss.
He parts his lips automatically, face flushing when Keith pushes his own release into his mouth.
This is… new.
Judging by the way his dick twitches, he’s also very into it.
“Why?” Shiro still whines after Keith is done.
“I had to clean up somehow,” Keith replies innocently, but the amusement gleaming in his eyes says otherwise.
“You didn’t have to do it like that …”
“Are you complaining?”
Shiro, with his face still warm, quickly answers, “No.”
Keith leaves the bed to shower after a while. He leaves the door half-open, and Shiro can hear his soft singing. The water is still running even when Keith comes back, uncaring that he's naked as he towels his hair dry.
Shiro stands under the spray for a long time, relishing in the fact that he finally gets to clean himself in an actual shower instead of a lake or waterfall.
He also thinks about Keith and their arrangement.
Boundaries have yet to be set up, and Keith hasn’t bothered to bring it up. Shiro has tried, but his mouth goes dry whenever he gets close, and all he can do is stammer something out before giving up.
It’s clear that this is something that will simply stay as an arrangement.
(As if friends fucking friends has ever been simple.)
Keith is asleep when Shiro returns to the bedroom, and Kosmo is snuggled up against his side. The wolf's ears perk up when he steps closer, tongue lolling out when Shiro gives him a few head scratches.
“Stay…”
Shiro looks past Kosmo and meets Keith’s sleepy gaze, feeling a hand curl around his wrist. Keith’s eyes slip shut after a few seconds, voice softer when he repeats himself, “Stay.”
“Of course,” Shiro whispers and slides beneath the covers, taking the space beside him.
He could never deny Keith.
Kosmo wiggles between them, licking Shiro's face and making him laugh softly. Keith has already fallen back asleep, steady even breaths filling the air, and Shiro easily follows with the stray thought of how domestic this feels.
☆ ☆
They travel through space, and they fuck in the Black Lion. They weave through asteroid fields while chasing down Galra fighter ships, and they fuck in the pilot’s seat. They relax for a night, and they fuck beneath the unfamiliar stars. They find a lake to bathe in, and they fuck in the lake.
They fuck, and they fuck, and they fuck, keeping this up even when they finally land on Earth.
Everyone at the Garrison greets them with exhausted joy.
Shiro's eyes flit across all the familiar and unfamiliar faces, all carrying varying expressions of relief and hope. The sight of the Voltron Paladins seems to have relit a spark in them, making them stand taller and whisper quiet gratitudes when they pass.
Everything starts to move fast after that.
They're lead into the war room once they've washed up and changed into Garrison uniforms, trading information and formulating a tentative plan to take out Sendak and his men. They don't want to alert the Galra to the fact that Voltron is on Earth, so using it is out of the question.
Shiro's head is reeling from all the things they need to do, and he can already feel the stress creeping up on him. It doesn't help that he has to waste time getting used to his new arm, which only adds to the tension in his shoulders.
He could be out there doing something more important.
Keith manages to drag him into a supply closet when Shiro is taking a walk to clear his head, eager hands pulling him close and hot breaths fanning over his lips. He paws at Shiro's officer jacket, and Shiro quickly gives in.
He fucks him against the wall, Keith’s back against his chest as Shiro curls a hand around his throat and muffles his groans against his shoulders. They’ve both kept most of their clothes on, which makes the air feel even more hot and sticky as they stay pressed together. Sweat drips down his forehead as they grind against each other, panting against Keith’s shoulder.
Shiro has to slide his hand up to cover Keith’s mouth when his noises get a bit too loud, feeling Keith pulse around him at the action. The two of them turn desperate as they near their completion, Shiro pulling out and coming all over Keith’s exposed thighs while his fingers slip over Keith’s engorged clit to get him off.
Afterward, when they’re both catching their breaths and still pressed closed together, Shiro hears Keith quietly say, “Please be careful.”
Shiro lifts his head and makes a questioning noise.
“Be careful,” Keith repeats, voice ever soft. “Whatever happens next, Shiro, just… be careful. I can’t lose you again.”
He swallows and grips Keith’s hip tighter, leaning in to press a kiss to Keith’s shoulder. “I’ll be careful,” he promises. “You too, okay?”
“Yeah,” Keith replies, and then he falls silent.
They clean up and leave the supply closet as if nothing ever happened, and then they’re drawn into another meeting.
An infiltration mission is planned out in hopes of gaining information on what the Galra are planning, everyone eager to take the next step and take them out for good.
After they complete the mission, Shiro doesn't have the time to worry about anything other than eliminating Earth's threat—Sendak's Zaiforge cannons. He has to trust that the Paladins can do their jobs without his guidance, and free themselves from Sendak's cruiser while he remains grounded with the Atlas crew.
(There’s still a low thrum of panic that pulses through him, which dissipates when he hears Keith’s voice come through the comm.)
Shiro becomes Captain of the Atlas, he fights Sendak and watches Keith kill him (and isn’t that a relief? To know that he won’t have to take another life), he pilots the Atlas when it becomes a giant mech and protects Voltron from the new threat.
He watches the five Lions hit the Earth hard enough to make it shake and feels the walls close in on him when they receive no response from the Paladins.
The Garrison medical team is able to extract them from their Lions one by one, everyone in the Atlas waiting with bated breath for an update on their condition. Relief sends him to his knees when he hears that they’re all breathing. Banged up and unconscious, but still alive.
Shiro breathes easier when he’s able to see them with his own eyes. They’re all being wheeled into the Garrison medical wing on stretchers with their families at their sides, and Shiro is immediately drawn to Keith.
He stays with him.
Keith is my best friend, Shiro tells himself when he starts to feel guilty for being more worried about him than the others. Of course I’m going to feel more for him.
This reassurance stays with him when he starts spending nights in Keith’s hospital room, hoping that he’ll open his eyes and prove to Shiro that he’s truly okay.
(A part of him hopes that he’ll be the first one to see Keith wake up.)
The other Paladins are the first to wake, long before Keith does, and he makes sure to stop by and have a chat with them—praise them for the battle they fought and how far they’ve come since they first arrived at the Castle of Lions.
They ask about Keith, and he has to swallow around the lump in his throat when he tells them that he hasn’t woken up yet.
It finally happens when he’s out delivering a speech, loss curling around his heart and hope renewing his spirit at the same time. He steps away from the podium once he’s done and accepts all the hugs the pilots give him, only to be pulled aside by one of his fellow officers to inform him of the good news.
He rushes to the Garrison infirmary and stops at the doorway, breathing hard as his eyes flick all around the room. Kolivan and Krolia are smiling at him (he dips his head in greeting), and then he finally looks at Keith—sitting against the pillows, looking so alive.
Krolia and Kolivan leave the room when he enters, stumbling over to the chair beside Keith’s hospital bed and collapsing on it. He scoots forward to press his forehead against the cold rail of the bed, exhaling shakily.
“It’s good to have you back,” he whispers.
A warm hand grips his own and squeezes it, and Keith has the brightest smile on his face when he looks up.
“It’s good to be back,” Keith replies quietly, and Shiro squeezes back.
☆ ☆
Celebrations occur after the Atlas is all fixed up, civilians and Garrison officers wanting to enjoy the fact that they're still alive. Everyone agrees to have the party on a cool summer night, Coran taking the lead on party planning.
Shiro arrives halfway through the party, busy with duties relating to the Atlas, and he thinks ‘not bad’ when he sees what Coran did.
A few large canopies have been placed side by side, fairy lights strung up along the top and creating a rather mystical air when paired with the small Balmeran crystals that dangle alongside the lights. There are plastic chairs and tables scattered here and there, though a majority of the people have gathered in the center to dance to the music that’s pouring out of two large speakers.
Food and drinks are being passed around. Laughter is filling the air. Bright smiles are shared between strangers and aliens.
Everyone is happy.
Shiro is inordinately pleased to see it, smiling to himself as he scans the area for his friends.
He spots Hunk and Pidge sitting at a table near the Lions, Lance and Allura dancing together, Coran talking to Iverson beside the speakers, and Krolia is sitting with Kolivan and some of the other blades on benches.
Shiro waves as he nears the table, frowning when he doesn’t see Keith. He’s about to ask where he is when Keith appears in a flash of blue light (Kosmo’s doing), reaching out to grip his arm when he falls against Shiro.
“Keith?”
“Shiro!” Keith exclaims with bright eyes and cheeks flushed red, a lazy smile stretched across his face. His uniform is much more rumpled, top buttons undone and exposing sharp collarbones. “Hi!” he chirps, throwing himself against Shiro’s chest. “I was lookin’ for you!”
“I’m right here, Keith,” Shiro says, amused. He lets Keith wrap himself around Shiro while keeping his bionic arm curled around his shoulders, looking over at Pidge and Hunk. They stare back at him with twin grins. “How much has he had?” he asks.
“Three cups of something fruity and strong,” Pidge answers, words slurring a bit. She has Matt’s cloak wrapped around her shoulders like a blanket, glasses askew. “We had to hide the fourth one.”
Shiro pointedly looks at the cup in her hand. “Does drinking it count as hiding?
“Hey! We saved Earth! I’d say we deserve this!” She nearly falls out of her seat when she nudges Hunk, who is drinking something that’s colored a neon blue. “Right, Hunk?”
“Right!” Hunk nods, finishing off the rest of his drink and pointing at Shiro. His Garrison jacket is tied around his waist, showing off a tank that looks similar to what the Balmerans wear. “Plus, our parents were okay with it.”
“That too,” Pidge says.
Shiro shakes his head fondly and looks down when he feels a tug at his jacket. Keith’s staring up at him with a pout, which quickly shifts into a pleased smile once Shiro’s attention is on him.
“Shiro,” Keith says, dragging out the ‘o’ in his name. Kosmo, who had been gnawing at the legs of an empty chair, lifts his head and joins in with a soft howl. Keith falls into a fit of giggles afterward, rubbing his cheek against Shiro’s chest.
“Yes, Keith?” Shiro asks, threading fingers through his soft hair and gently separating the knots. “What do you need?”
“You,” Keith drawls out, and suddenly he’s being yanked towards the table that has all the drinks. “I think you need t’relax a little, Captain Shirogane. ” His voice drops to a husky whisper when he speaks his title, and Shiro has to fight his shiver.
“R-Right,” he says, clearing his throat. “You’re right. I’ll have a couple of drinks, and then I’m dragging you off to bed. How does that sound?”
“Great!” Keith crows, snatching up one of the bright red drinks and chugging it down before Shiro can stop him. He manages to prevent him from grabbing another, drinking it himself so Keith won’t take it away and grimacing at the taste. It’s too fruity for his taste buds, but he’ll manage.
Shiro guides Keith to sit at the table with Hunk and Pidge, watching Lance and Allura continue with their drunk dancing together. Pidge gets her phone out at some point, taking videos of the two to share in the morning. He restrains his chuckle when he imagines the matching red cheeks they’ll have when they watch them, finishing off his drink and accepting another from Matt when he passes by.
He’s nursing his third drink by the time the party starts dying down, Keith snuggled up to his side as he languidly pets down Kosmo’s flank. Shiro is relaxed, loose enough to wrap an arm around Keith and tug him even closer.
His warmth is intoxicating, and Shiro occasionally gets a whiff of his hair when Keith shifts—coconut, with a hint of something flowery.
It’s nice.
Keith is nice.
How does Keith always smell so nice?
Pidge and Hunk disappear with their families after a while, too tired to do anything more and eager to spend time with their loved ones. Shiro waves them off and decides to stay with Keith, the two of them sitting in a comfortable silence.
He brings a hand up to play with the hair that’s grown past the nape of Keith’s neck, releasing a breath when he hears the low moan that comes from Keith when he carefully tugs on a few strands. Keith peers up at him with dark, heated eyes, and Shiro’s gaze is drawn to his lips when a pink tongue pokes out for a second.
“Shiro,” Keith says slowly, shifting forward and almost falling off his chair. Shiro catches him in time, and then Keith is on his lap with his face tucked into Shiro’s neck. “Want you,” he mumbles next, hot breath ghosting over his skin and making him shiver. “Les’go to Black… or your room… c’mon…”
Apparently, Keith is clingy and horny when drunk.
Judging by the heat that pools in his gut when he feels teeth graze his pulse point, Shiro might be the latter as well.
Shiro makes sure to say goodbye to the people that are still here, ears burning hot when he catches sight of Krolia’s knowing look as he starts leaving the party with Keith. Kosmo trots off to sit beside her, and Shiro swears that the wolf also glances at him knowingly.
It’s not a long trip to his quarters, but it feels longer with the anticipation thrumming through his veins. Keith is already trying to tear off his jacket by the time they make it to his door, warm hands slipping beneath his shirt and sending heat through him when fingernails drag over his abdomen.
Their clothes end up a mess on the floor seconds after they enter his room, Shiro guiding them to his bed and kissing down Keith’s naked chest. He starts to trail his flesh hand down Keith’s body, ready to spread him open, and is stopped by Keith gripping his wrist.
“Use your other hand,” Keith slurs when Shiro looks up at him. “Wanna feel it…”
Shiro’s cheeks flush red, and he obeys.
His new hand is so much bigger than the old one, but he still manages a gentle touch with just a thought. He circles Keith’s clit with his thumb, watching the way his lips part with a breathy sound and the way his blush spreads to his chest.
He spreads him open with two fingers once Keith gets wet enough, crooking them to see Keith arch with an unabashed cry. Shiro presses his smile against a thigh when Keith starts grinding against them, noises freely spilling out of him.
Shiro’s soon sinking inside, groan muffled against Keith’s throat. Heels dig into his ass when he starts up a slow rhythm, a soft plea urging him to go faster, harder, deeper.
They exchange messy kisses while they fuck, bed creaking with their movements and sweat dripping down their bodies. Keith’s nails dig into his back when Shiro fucks in at a different angle, the loud whine telling him that he hit that perfect spot, and the sharp sting of his nails almost feels like ownership.
Feeling bold, Shiro bites down over where Keith’s pulse is racing. He moans when Keith abruptly tightens around him and cries out, cunt pulsating with his orgasm. Shiro’s hips stutter, hot breaths fanning across Keith’s throat as he chases his own release.
A hand sinks into his tuft of hair and yanks it up, forcing him to meet Keith’s beautiful, dark eyes.
“Stay inside, stay inside,” Keith is whispering, letting go of Shiro’s hair and cupping his face. Shiro grinds into him, enjoying the audible hitch of his breath. “Shiro, please. Want you to stay inside…”
“God, Keith,” he says brokenly.
Shiro buries his face into Keith’s neck again as he pulls out and slams back in, repeating this once, twice, before finally coming with a drawn-out groan. His hips stutter as he releases inside Keith, slumping on top of him as his orgasm leaves him completely relaxed and boneless.
“Crushing me…” He hears Keith grumble.
“Sorry,” he whispers, slowly pulling out of him and moving to lie down next to him. Shiro turns his head to watch Keith yawn, eyes blinking rapidly in his attempt to fight sleep. It’s a bit…
Adorable, his drunken mind provides.
“Tired?” he asks, shifting to grab the comforter and his blanket.
“Nuh-uh,” Keith responds but his eyes are already closed, and his noise of protest is very faint as Shiro covers the both of them. “M’not tired, you are.”
“Go t’sleep,” Shiro mumbles, pulling the blanket up higher around their bodies. He shifts onto his side and easily moves Keith so his back is facing Shiro, curling a hand around his waist to reel him in closer. Shiro presses a kiss to his shoulder as his eyes slip shut, murmuring, “See you in the morning…”
His dreams are full of deformed shapes and unrecognizable shadows, no stability to the fleeting images as they warp, form, collapse, and warp again—a confusing cycle that forces him to awaken sooner than he’d like, blearily peering into the darkness.
It takes a second for him to realize that Keith is no longer in his arms.
A surge of panic wells up within him, but his body feels too heavy for him to get up and search for his best friend. It soon fades away when he hears a familiar sigh beside him, blinking several times until he finds Keith’s form.
He’s sitting up against the pillows, staring off to the side with his arms crossed over his chest.
Shiro can picture the expression on his face: nose scrunched up just a tad, brows furrowed, and lips drawn into a pout as he remains lost in thought. He wants to ask what’s wrong, but his mouth refuses to cooperate with him.
Another sigh fills the air, dragging Shiro's focus back to Keith. Something is clearly wrong, and Shiro desperately wants to comfort him.
His hand inches forward, intent on squeezing Keith's knee to let him know that he's there, and stills when he hears Keith whisper:
“I wish I could hate you.”
Shiro lies there, frozen, as he takes in those words. They’re clearly directed at him since they’re the only two in the bedroom, but Shiro doesn’t know what he means.
Keith doesn’t elaborate, lying back down without speaking another word. Shiro feels a spike of pain when he hears Keith’s faint hitched breath, followed by the tiniest sniffle; he’s crying, Shiro realizes, and he doesn’t want to be heard.
I’ll talk to him in the morning, Shiro tells himself as sleep threatens to take hold of him again, half-lidded gaze on Keith’s trembling shoulders. I don’t want him to be upset, I want him to be happy…
When he wakes again, sun shining through his curtains, Keith is gone.
☆ ☆
His concern for Keith outweighs the pounding of his head, and it gives him the energy to fall out of bed to head into the bathroom. He hastily brushes his teeth, eyeing the dark circles under his eyes and the pallor of his skin—god, he’s never drinking again.
Shiro is pulling on his cleaner uniform set (he still has to look like the put together Captain that he’s supposed to be, no matter how hungover he is) and leaves the room with the intent to search for Keith.
He bumps right into Adam.
“Oh,” he says, staring at him with astonishment. Adam was the last person he expected to see outside his room. “Adam, hi.”
Adam had been severely injured in the second wave of Sendak’s attack, left with burns on the right side of his body. He’d been confined to his room while he’d been recovering, only allowed to go into the war room when there were important matters to discuss.
Iverson had informed him of all this when Shiro was standing at the memorial wall, searching for Adam’s name. It had been a relief to hear that he was still alive, and the guilt that had been weighing him down for so long suddenly lightened.
Shiro caught glimpses of him here and there, but he couldn’t bring himself to reach out to him—the memory of Adam's final words still seared into his mind.
Also, fighting the Galra was definitely more important than attempting to mend bridges with his ex.
After they defeated Sendak and saved Earth, he still hadn’t tried. Shiro was busy settling into the role of a leader once again, boosting morale for the people still alive and rebuilding relationships with previous Coalition members.
He figured it would become another lost connection, especially when Adam didn’t try to talk to him as well.
Until now, it seems.
Adam’s smile contains a touch of sadness when he says, “Hey, Takashi. It’s good to see you.”
“Shiro,” he absently corrects, eyes catching the discolored skin on the side of his face—healed burns. “I go by Shiro.”
Pink spreads across Adam’s cheeks. “Oh, r-right,” he says, embarrassment clear in his words. “Shiro, then.” He clears his throat and seems to stand up straighter, expression determined. “Listen, I was wondering if we could talk.”
“Talk,” Shiro repeats cautiously, eyes flicking away to look down the hall in hopes of spotting Keith—nope. Damn. “What about?”
“About everything,” Adam says. “We could go grab a coffee in the lounge and catch up. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you, Shiro. I thought it would be nice to get to know each other again.”
That grabs Shiro’s attention, along with the hopeful note to his words.
“I’m sorry,” Shiro says regretfully. “I can’t right now; I have to go find Keith.” He pauses and tacks on hesitantly, “Maybe some other time?”
Disappointment flickers across Adam’s face. “Of course,” he says, a little too flatly, and dips his head. “Some other time, then.” He reaches out and places a hand on Shiro’s right arm, and the gesture makes Shiro grow tense—unused to the touch from someone other than Keith.
Adam is quick to withdraw, thankfully, and they say their goodbyes before walking off in opposite directions.
Shiro searches for Keith in all the places one would expect the Red Paladin to be: his quarters, the hangars where all the ships are, near the Voltron Lions, inside the Atlas, in the cafeteria with the other Paladins, and out on the Garrison grounds.
There’s no sign of him in any of these locations, and no one seems to know where he is when he asks around. Not even Krolia, who remains calm and collected as always when he expresses his concern for Keith.
“He’s fine,” Krolia says confidently, eyes fixed on the datapad in front of her. “But it’s quite obvious that he doesn’t want to be found. He needs space, and you have to respect that." She smiles at him, reaching over to pat his shoulder. The strength of it is almost enough to send him flying forwards. "He’ll come to you when he’s good and ready.”
Shiro releases a strained laugh and rubs his aching shoulder, discreetly stepping away from her.
He knows that Krolia is right.
That’s how Keith is.
☆ ☆
Shiro busies himself with Garrison duties in the days that pass.
It helps takes his mind off Keith and prevents him from instinctively seeking him out whenever things become overwhelming, too drained to do anything but sleep when his day comes to an end.
He does see Kosmo sneaking around the kitchens one night, carrying a bag that’s full of microwaveable foods. Shiro can guess who it’s all for, and slides in a packet of Keith’s favorite snack before Kosmo teleports away—nothing too grand, just biscuits covered in dark chocolate.
Kosmo huffs at him, nudging his thigh until Shiro scratches behind his ears. The wolf lingers for a few seconds, disappearing after he gently grabs a water bottle with his mouth.
“At least he’s eating,” Shiro mutters, grabbing a packet of the same biscuits for himself and heading for one of the Garrison lounges.
Rizavi, Kinkade, Leifsdottir, and Veronica are sitting on one of the couches, quietly chatting with one another. They wave at him when he enters, and Veronica gestures to the coffee maker by the sink.
There’s hot chocolate in the pot, and the smell is too tantalizing for him to resist.
“Where’s Griffin?” Shiro asks, coffee mug in hand as he carefully sits across them. He opens the packet of biscuits and offers it to them, taking one out to eat while he drinks. “I’m used to seeing the five of you together.”
“He said he had something to take care of,” Veronica replies, brow arching. “Also, we’re not always together. We have lives outside of each other. Sometimes we don’t know where one person is, and that’s okay.”
“But we do spend a lot of time together,” Rizavi chimes in, mouth curled at the corners. She nibbles on her biscuit. “It’s understandable that Captain Shirogane would assume that we keep tabs on each other. I’m sure he’s the same way with the Paladins.”
“You’re not wrong,” Shiro says with a faint chuckle, smile faltering when he recalls Keith’s disappearance.
He covers it up by sipping at his hot chocolate, nearly groaning over the taste. It’s so smooth and sweet. Shiro wants to savor it for the rest of his days.
The door to the lounge opens, dragging Shiro’s attention away from his delicious drink. He has the faintest hope that Keith will be standing there, finally ready to talk to him, and is disappointed when he sees Adam instead.
“Shiro,” Adam says with a smile. “Hi again.”
Shiro dips his head in greeting.
The MFE pilots and Veronica abruptly says their goodbyes and leave the room, and it’s soon filled with silence as Adam and Shiro stare at one another. Adam eventually releases a sigh and walks over to take the empty couch across Shiro.
“I know you said that we could talk some other time, but I just can’t wait anymore,” he says, expression serious. “I don’t want to lose this second chance.”
Shiro frowns. “What do you mean?”
“I mean—” Adam sighs again and leans back against the cushions. "I do want to catch up with you, but first I have to apologize for what I said to you before the Kerberos mission."
“Adam…” Shiro breathes, dropping his gaze to his mug. “It’s okay. It’s in the past.”
“It’s not okay, Shiro. It was wrong of me to make you choose between myself and the mission. I was just… angry that you wanted to kill yourself faster and not spend the rest of your years with me, your partner.” Adam huffs out a self-deprecating laugh. “I was only thinking of myself, and our future.”
This apology is not what he was expecting.
Shiro spent so much time stewing in guilt after they broke up, but he was not at all conflicted over his choice. Kerberos was something he dreamed about, traveling through space is what he always wanted, and he wasn’t going to let the chance to go there slip through his fingers just because Adam didn’t want him to go.
“I guess I was selfish, too,” Shiro finds himself saying quietly, finally voicing the thoughts he could never say out loud. “I understand, I really do, but you know it was what I wanted. I wasn't going to let my disease get in the way of accomplishing that.” His eyes flick over to his right hand, bionic fingers curling inwards with just a thought. “Even if I gave in and decided to stay off the Kerberos mission… I don’t think our future could have happened.”
“Why do you say that?”
“I would have resented you,” Shiro answers honestly. “I think our relationship would have eventually fallen apart, had I stayed. You wanted this future where I was by your side, the both of us doing everything we could to make our time last longer. It’s not fair that you expected me to live out my life with you without actually letting me live my life.”
Adam lets out a breath. “I see.”
“I loved you, Adam,” Shiro says. “I really did, but the mission…” He sighs. “I didn’t want to regret not seizing the opportunity to go, especially if I had a few years left to live.”
“No, I understand. I’m glad you told me.” A wry smile appears on Adam’s face. “The Shiro from before wouldn’t have been able to.”
Shiro chuckles. “You’re right about that.”
“I also wanted more time with you,” Adam says, smoothing his hair back. “I always knew it would be limited. Remember how you were after the previous mission? Confined to your bed, forced to go to physical therapy and relearn how to use your muscles…”
“I remember.”
“Kerberos would have been worse for you, and I’d be left sitting by your hospital bed while you just got worse.”
“You would have been there anyways,” he replies, taking another sip of his hot chocolate. It’s lukewarm now, but still good. “Five years after, ten years after; who knows? We would still end up there, eventually.”
“Yeah, I know…”
Their eyes lock, and Shiro offers a sympathetic smile. “You’re not a bad person for feeling that way,” he tells him, tapping his nails along the ceramic mug. “We were only thinking of ourselves at the time because we both wanted different things. I don’t regret the choice that I made. Do you?”
“No,” Adam replies. “I don’t.”
The silence that follows is more comfortable than awkward.
Shiro focuses on finishing off the rest of his hot chocolate, pleased that he was able to make things right with Adam and get the closure he desired. He pops a biscuit into his mouth and glances over at Adam to offer him one, freezing when he sees that he’s already looking back with a strange expression on his face.
“What?” he asks. “Is something wrong?”
“No, no. I just wanted to ask one more thing.” Adam continues after Shiro nods, “How was space?”
Shiro smiles.
He talks about the adventures he’s been on, the different planets he visited, all the friendly aliens he encountered along the way, and the battles where they were victorious. Shiro even tells him about the Voltron shows that they did to try and draw people into the cause, rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment while Adam laughs his ass off.
He doesn’t mention his time as a prisoner of the Galra, or what he was forced to do to survive in the arena, or how he lost his arm, or how he died and had his consciousness transferred into the body of a clone. Shiro doesn’t mention the torture he was put through to make him theirs, or how he felt like a monster—remade to be a weapon for the Galra and broken in so many different ways.
Shiro definitely doesn’t tell him that dying felt like a relief instead of a punishment, finally free from the pain that his body put him through and the responsibility of being a put together leader at all times.
It’s a thought that always fills him with shame, and yet it continues to stick with him.
He makes sure to touch on the fact that Keith is the reason he’s here today, keeping it to that simple statement before moving on to talk about what it was like piloting the Black Lion.
(Shiro certainly doesn’t bring up the fact that he’s been fucking Keith for some time now.)
If Adam suspects that he’s holding back on information, he doesn’t mention it. Shiro’s grateful, especially since he's not comfortable discussing his personal horrors with someone who won't understand.
Truthfully, there’s only one person that can: Keith.
“We should do this again,” Adam says when they finally leave the lounge, a faint smile. “I missed you, Shiro. I missed being friends with you.”
“Yeah, we can,” Shiro replies with a smile of his own. He missed him too, he realizes. “I’ve been busy welcoming our Voltron Coalition allies and helping with the Atlas repairs, but maybe we can meet up whenever I’m free.”
“Do you think there’s another chance for us?” Adam abruptly asks.
The question makes him rear back in surprise, eyes going wide. Adam’s expression remains impassive, though the tips of his ears turn red the longer no one speaks.
Shiro clears his throat. “I don’t know,” he answers truthfully, frowning. “Is that why you wanted to talk? To see if I was interested in getting back together?”
At least Adam looks a bit guilty when he says, “Partially, yeah.”
“I don’t think I can be with you if you’re expecting things to be the same,” Shiro says quietly. “We’ve both changed since the last time we saw each other, Adam.”
“You think I don’t know that?” Adam replies with a hissed breath, stepping closer. “I know you’re a different person now. I am too, but that doesn’t change how I feel.”
“Oh,” Shiro says, surprised. “You still—”
“Yes, I do.” Adam lets out a breath, reaching out to touch Shiro’s left arm. Shiro lets him. “I want to get to know this new you, and I want you to know this new me. I don’t want to hop back into our relationship like the last few years didn’t happen. I grieved for you. Nothing can change that.” He visibly swallows. “I want to start over with you, Shiro. Maybe we can have a new future together.”
Shiro says nothing.
Adam steps away from him, friendly smile in place. “Think about it, okay? I won’t be hurt if you say no.” He walks past Shiro, waving his hand. “See you around, Shiro.”
☆ ☆
Shiro doesn’t know how he got here—standing in front of Keith’s door, left hand poised to knock.
He considers going through with it, knocking and seeking the comfort he desperately needs, but then he remembers that Keith hasn't been around these past few days. Who’s to say that he even wants to see Shiro right now?
Shiro shoves the hand into his pocket and takes a step back. He’s fully prepared to head back to his room and spend the night alone when the door abruptly slides open.
Keith is standing there, dressed in a button-down shirt that goes to his mid-thigh, the one that he stole from Shiro, and nothing else.
“Shiro,” he says in surprise. His voice softens, the way it usually sounds whenever they talk. “Is something wrong?”
Of course he can tell. He always could. Sometimes, it feels like Keith knows him better than he knows himself.
He’s always ready to lend a helping hand without Shiro needing to ask, and always by his side before Shiro even realizes that he needs him.
Shiro doesn’t even know if he deserves a friend like Keith, but he’s going to let himself be selfish right now.
“I don’t—” Shiro starts, pausing to take a breath. “I just—” He’s become too frazzled to think, eyes fixed on the way Keith’s hair curls around his face. “I feel lost,” he whispers after a while, curling in on himself. “I don’t know what to do…”
Keith reaches out to grab his wrist, giving it a gentle squeeze. Now, all Shiro can focus on is his warmth. “Do you want to talk about it?” he asks, eyes earnest and kind. “You know I'm always here for you, for whatever you need.”
Shiro swallows, hearing the offer in his words.
He leans into Keith's space and slides his other hand down to grip his hip. “I’d rather not talk right now,” he tells him. “I want to not think for a while.”
Keith’s eyes go dark, and he inclines his head before wrapping his arms around Shiro. Their lips meet for a heated kiss that Shiro sinks into, letting himself be drawn into the room as he slips a hand beneath Keith’s shirt.
The door shuts behind them.
Clothes are tossed across the room, hands pressing bruises into each other’s skin as they fall into bed together. Their moans are lost in the biting kisses they exchange, pressed close together as they work themselves up.
Keith is the one who takes the lead this time, pinning Shiro down by his wrists while they grind against each other. He even teases Shiro by allowing the tip of his cock slip into his cunt, lips stretched into a faint smirk whenever Shiro bucks his hips to try and fuck in deeper.
He can’t, Keith doesn’t let him go farther than that, and he finally does something when Shiro utters a hoarse, “Please.”
Shiro’s surprised when Keith lifts off of him completely and moves to settle between his thighs. A strangled moan slips out when Keith takes his cock into his mouth, and Shiro squeezes his eyes shut as he drops his head back on the pillow.
Hands squeeze his thigh and spread them further while Shiro’s hips instinctively thrust up into the wet heat, lips parting with a soft sound. He holds back from fucking Keith’s mouth, losing himself to the pleasure.
Then, he feels a slick finger prodding at his hole.
“K-Keith,” he gasps, face burning hot when it sinks inside after circling the rim a few times. His hips buck, forcing his cock deeper into Keith’s mouth, and the sound of his moan is enough to make him whimper. “Fuck, Keith…”
Keith doesn’t look up at him, entirely focused on sucking him off. Another finger joins the first after a while, and Shiro can’t contain any of his noises when Keith begins to fuck him with them. He whimpers when Keith pins his twitching hips down with his forearm, adding to the increasing pressure and heat in his gut.
A cry slips out when he finally comes, releasing into Keith’s mouth. His face burns hot when he feels Keith swallowing around him, a string of saliva connecting his lips to Shiro’s cock when he pulls off.
Keith slides his fingers out and climbs up, drawing Shiro in for a messy kiss. Shiro can taste himself on Keith’s tongue, which distracts him from the hand traveling between their bodies until it wraps around his cock.
“I can’t,” he breathes when Keith starts stroking him, eyes stinging with tears at the sharp pleasure that shoots down his spine—too oversensitive. “Keith, I can’t. ”
“You can,” Keith says in a low voice. “And you will.”
The night ends with Keith sinking down on him once he’s hard again, Shiro letting out a weak moan when he feels hot walls squeezing around him. Keith’s expression is both smug and satisfied, fingers gentle when they brush over Shiro’s cheek.
“Told you,” he says, and then starts moving.
Keith’s pace is fast as he rides him, nails scratching over Shiro’s chest. They don’t say anything more, and Shiro gets lost in the feel of Keith around him and above him. He surges upwards to nip at Keith’s collarbone, hands tight on his hips while he fucks up into him.
Fingers sink into his hair and force his head up with a sharp tug.
He meets golden yellow eyes, and his flesh hand slips over Keith’s sweaty hip when he realizes that Keith is losing control over this. Shiro feels sharp teeth graze over his bottom lip when they meet for a kiss, then the taste of copper on his tongue.
Things slow down as they near their completion, pace growing steady and kisses turning sweet. It feels far more soft and intimate than usual, and Shiro doesn’t know what to make of it.
“You okay now?” Keith murmurs afterwards, petting through Shiro’s hair. His eyes are still yellow, pupils slit-like and fixed on him.
Shiro swallows and nods, hips twitching when Keith grinds down playfully.
Keith kisses him one last time before lifting himself off, and Shiro’s gaze is drawn to the globs of cum that spill out of his cunt.
“Sorry,” he mutters, brushing his fingers over his folds. “You didn’t even ask this time.”
“S’okay, I liked it.”
Shiro cleans himself up with some tissues while Keith heads to the bathroom. He stares up at the ceiling after he tosses them into the trash, enjoying the blankness in his mind as he just… drifts.
How long has it been since he was able to exist like this? No worry, no panic, no fear…
“Wanna watch a movie?” Keith asks from the bathroom, dragging Shiro back to reality. “We can watch a sci-fi one and make fun of how inaccurate the aliens are.”
“Only if there’s no alien abduction,” Shiro replies. “I’ve already had my fill.”
“Does that include the sexy kind? I’m pretty sure there’s a collection of those somewhere in this room.”
“You have alien pornos?”
“It came with the room,” Keith replies defensively, returning to Shiro’s side. “I think most of them involve abductions, though. Alien abductions and eggs, those two are popular.”
“Do you think the Galra have eggs?” Shiro asks innocently, laughing when Keith starts hitting him with a pillow. “Okay, okay! I’m sorry! I take it back! The Galra don’t have eggs! You don’t have eggs! Please, stop hitting me!”
“You should know that I don’t have eggs,” Keith says with an indignant sniff, tossing the pillow aside. “You’re the only one who fucks me, after all.”
Keith puts on a loose tank and some boyshorts, tossing Shiro a pair of sweats when he heads into the bathroom. They decide on a movie where an alien parasite falls in love with a human, and they sit on the bed with their backs to the wall, thigh pressed against thigh as they watch the movie in a comfortable silence. It’s hard to focus on the screen when Keith’s warmth is by his side, dragging Shiro’s focus to him time and time again.
Shiro is still pretty worn out from their earlier activities, and yet he finds himself drawn to the idea of laying Keith out on the bed and taking him apart with his tongue while the movie runs in the background.
A flash of blue light brings him back to reality, leaving him pink-cheeked as he quickly looks away from Keith to stare down at the lump of blue fur that's sprawled across their laps. Kosmo’s tongue lolls out, tail wagging when he realizes that he has their attention. He begins to wiggle around insistently and only calms down after Keith scratches behind his ears. Shiro joins in when Kosmo peers at him with sad eyes.
“Spoiled,” Keith grumbles, but there’s a smile on his face.
Shiro laughs, glancing over at him. He pauses when he catches sight of the shadows under his eyes, more prominent in the light coming off the television screen. Keith doesn't seem too interested in the film, gaze unfocused as he stares at the screen—lost in thought, perhaps.
He suddenly remembers seeing a similar expression the night after the party, his worry making a return.
“Hey, Keith?” he starts, continuing after he receives an affirming hum in response. “Um, the other night—”
“Sorry for leaving, by the way,” Keith says, looking over at him with an apologetic smile. “I had a lot of things to do. I should have left a note, or sent a message so you wouldn’t worry about me.”
“Nothing’s going to stop me from worrying about you,” Shiro says, quickly continuing before the conversation derails completely. “You, uh—I heard you say something that night and I wanted to ask about it.”
“I said something?” Keith’s face is confused. “I was asleep the whole time, Shiro. You might have dreamt it.”
His voice is a bit higher than usual, and he won’t meet Shiro’s eyes—he’s lying.
“Oh,” Shiro says, well aware of when he shouldn’t push for answers. Keith obviously doesn’t want to talk about it, and even though Shiro wants to help him work through the issue, Keith’s comfort is more important. “Maybe you’re right, sorry.”
“What about you?” Keith asks in a much softer voice, nudging his side with his elbow. “Wanna talk about what’s bothering you now? You know I’m here to listen.”
“I don’t know,” Shiro says haltingly.
“Shiro. All you’re going to do is push the problem away and never acknowledge it, and then it’ll fester and grow until it eats you alive.” Keith somehow manages to sound both exasperated and matter-of-fact, a feat that only he can accomplish. “It’s better to get it out now.”
“I know, I know. I just… I don’t know where to start.”
“Take your time, Shiro. I’m not going anywhere.”
As much as he'd like to not think about it, Shiro knows that Keith is right. If he doesn't face this now, then he's going to end up as Keith described.
He used to let the issue take its course and guide him down that path, but now he's not so sure he wants to fall back on old habits.
Might as well, he thinks, readying himself with a deep breath.
“I had a long talk with Adam,” Shiro begins, staring down at his hands. The fingers in his mechanical arm whir softly when he curls them, keeping it clenched in his lap while he speaks, “He apologized for how he left things before Kerberos and explained his own feelings on the matter. I managed to find my voice and told him how I felt about it, too.”
“That’s good,” Keith says. “I’m glad.”
“Me too,” Shiro admits with a wry smile, which fades into a frown as he gets into the actual problem. “Adam wants another shot at a relationship with me. He wants us to start over together and told me to think on it when I couldn't muster up a proper reply."
“Well, what do you want?”
That makes him pause.
No one has ever asked him that before. No one besides Keith that is. He’s probably been the only person in Shiro’s life who has considered Shiro’s needs and wants instead of just barrelling through and making decisions for him.
It gives him the courage to speak his thoughts, lay out his confusion in hopes of finding the answer he desperately needs.
And maybe that gives him the courage to speak his thoughts, lay out his confusion in hopes of finding the answer he desperately needs.
“I don’t know,” Shiro says, fingers combing through Kosmo’s fur. “People don’t just… hop back into relationships with their exes, right?”
“Some people do,” Keith muses. “Mostly out of comfort or safety, though. It might not be like that for you two if you decided to date him again.”
“I guess you’re right…”
“When aren’t I?” Keith counters and they both share a laugh. Then, his expression flickers to one of seriousness. “I think you should do whatever makes you happy,” he says. “If that means being Adam’s boyfriend, then do it. If it means staying single forever, then do it. If you believe happiness is taking the Atlas out for a trip to the beach, then do it!”
“Pretty sure I’m not allowed to do that last bit,” Shiro remarks dryly.
“The point is,” Keith continues as if Shiro hadn’t said a thing, twitching lips giving away the act. "Do it if you think you'll be happy, but don't agree because you don't want to break his heart. That'll end up hurting the both of you." He grabs Shiro’s bionic hand, so small when compared to the metal. “Don't rush it, either. You have enough time to think it through. No matter what you decide, I’m here to support you.”
Shiro laughs weakly, reaching up with his free hand to tuck a strand of hair behind Keith’s ear. “When did you become so wise and grown up?” he asks fondly.
“I didn’t do it on my own,” Keith says with a smile. “I had some help.”
“Thank you,” Shiro murmurs. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“What are friends for?”
Shiro thinks he hears a small break in Keith’s voice at the word ‘friends,’ but there's no trace of upset on Keith's face when Shiro glances over. He figures it was just his imagination and turns his attention back to the movie, which is nearing its end.
“I love you!” the alien parasite declares passionately, holding onto their human lover while the world falls apart around them. Buildings are collapsing, the ground is cracking, and nearly everything is on fire—and yet they only have eyes for each other.
“I love you too!” the human replies with an equal amount of passion. They’re practically clinging to each other, pressed close enough that it’s hard to tell where one begins and one ends. “I love you more than anything!”
Even as death draws near, they look unafraid.
As long as they have each other, they won’t be afraid, Shiro realizes.
His right hand stays in Keith’s grasp.