Chapter Text
She pulls each crisscross of her laces out and tightens them individually as she works her way up her boot. She obsessively inspects her BDUs, ensuring that there are no creases. She debates on where to wear the mandatory bun per military regs, but she opts for a French braid. She meticulously pulls her milk chocolate brown hair into three sections, double-checking for any hairs that are out of place along the way. She observes her overall look in the mirror, staring at her reflection. She can feel her brain begin to nitpick, and her arms begin to raise involuntarily to match the thoughts flooding her mind. Before she can start to change herself to her brain’s satisfaction, she hears someone enter the locker room.
“Commander? Let’s go meet the crew.”
“Captain Anderson. I’ll be out in a moment, sir.” Her brain still nitpicked at her. This façade will never last. Nothing you do will erase your past. As the thoughts in her head get louder and louder, she clenches her hand into a fist, gearing up to smash the mirror until she feels a hand on her shoulder.
“Are you alright?” The captain watches her carefully. The man has aged fairly well since taking her under his wing almost a decade ago. Their relationship is somewhat familial; one of the few people she can truly call on this Earth.
“Just some butterflies,” She looks away from his gaze, hoping he doesn’t press any further. “Ready when you are, sir.” He doesn’t.
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Hushed whispers fill the hallways of the Normandy. Amerilyse Shepard knows that it’s because of her presence. She wished that her reputation didn’t precede her. She secretly wished that the crew would be half as excited to get to know her as an individual, as Amerilyse, as they are to the hero of the Skyllian Blitz. If only they knew. She mentally brushes the thought away. Captain Anderson brings her to Chief Engineer Adams, who turns to salute. “Commander Shepard, welcome to the SSV Normandy.” Amerilyse returns the salute and extends her hand to shake his. “Thank you, Engineer Adams. You maintain quite a fine ship here.” As she continues getting to know Adams, Corporal Jenkins excitedly presses the button to the elevator.
He runs up to the group of men in the cockpit. “You’ll never guess who I just saw!” Flight Lieutenant Jeff Moreau rolls his eyes at Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko. “Catch a breath, Jenkins. Before you blow puke through your nose.” Kaidan chuckles under his breath as he relives the memory. The corporal frowns, “That only happened once on leave, Joker.” It was Joker’s turn to laugh, “Once is enough! I, for one, do not need to know any more about how your body spews your fluids. Kaidan chimes in, “Nor which orifice they’ll come out next!” Both men continue laughing until their insides ache as the newbie tries to play off the incident.
A throat clearing followed by an “ahem” cuts into their laughter. All three men turn around to see the captain and commander standing behind them, clearly realizing that their superiors were present for the inappropriate joke. Kaidan can feel his face getting hot and turning red, yet was thankful of the orange overhead light of the cockpit that concealed a majority of his embarrassment. His eyes wander to Captain Anderson and Commander Shepard, the latter is trying to conceal her laughter the best she can, while the former is boring a hole into the men’s heads with an unimpressed stare.
Joker swivels his seat around, Kaidan stands up to salute, and Jenkins does a 180 so quickly that he bangs his head against the buttons and levers in the cockpit. To recover, Jenkins ignores the pain and clumsily salutes, his elbow almost coming into contact with the captain’s chin. A breath gets caught in both Kaidan’s and Joker’s throat, as the scenario plays out in what feels like slow-motion. A hand reaches out and catches Jenkins’ arm before it makes contact. The corporal stammers out an apology to the captain while trying to ignore the fact that the hero of the Skyllian Blitz is holding his arm. The cockpit’s very tight enclosure becomes more and more apparent as seconds pass.
The captain lets out a deep sigh and shakes his head. “At ease, gentlemen.” Amerilyse watches Anderson about to rip Jenkins a new one as he opens his mouth. Instead, the captain closes his mouth as he can tell that the new recruit is clearly perturbed by the situation. “This is Commander Amerilyse Shepard. She will be assisting us on our run to Eden Prime.”
Amerilyse turns to shake each man’s hand as Anderson rattles off their name and rank. “Lastly, this is Staff Lieutentant Kaidan Alenko.” Kaidan extends his hand first, and she gives it a firm grip. They maintain eye contact for what seems like forever.
His voice breaks through her thoughts, “Have we met before, Commander?”
It’s been almost seven years since… She shakes her head to push the train of the thought out of head which the lieutenant takes as a no. “I don’t believe so, Lieutenant Alenko. You just reminded me of someone I knew.”
Amerilyse approached the man sitting at the foot of the bed. The blinds were shut to hide the beautiful sun. His head hung in his hands. She sat on the floor, settling her butt on the balls of her feet. She tried to get him to look at her. His eyes were shut tight as if he was trying to get away from a bad dream.
“Hey, hey. Are you okay? What’s wrong?” She worriedly brushed her hand through his hair. He whispered, “I’m sorry. Just migraines. It’ll pass…” His hands balled into fists, clenching the sheets as he covered his face. She gently pulled the sheet away from his face. She was met with resistance, so she whispered, “let me help,” and the sheet fell into her hands. She lifted his head and his eyes remained closed. She grabbed both of his hands with hers, pulling herself off the floor and into his lap. She straddled him, drawing her knees beside him. She began by putting pressure on both sides of his temples, then slowing massaging them. He began to murmur, making an incoherent sound between a moan and a groan. She ran her fingers through his hair; she made sure to put pressure as she does so, to hopefully relieve the pressure in his head.
“Mer…”
She lets his hand go and offers a small, sheepish smile. “It’s a pleasure meeting you, nonetheless.” The lieutenant stares at her quizzically, but before he can inquire, another voice interrupts their interaction.
“Commander Shepard. A word, when you have a moment.” Amerilyse nods in Nihlus Kryik’s direction; the turian Spectre turns on his heel and heads towards the comm room. She gestures toward the captain, “After you, sir.”
“You go on ahead, Shepard. I’m taking Jenkins to see Dr. Chakwas for a once-over to make sure he’s fit to accompany you and Alenko on the ground. I’ll meet up with you and Nihlus shortly after. Let’s go, corporal.” Jenkins throws a look mixed between fear and nervousness behind him at the group in the cockpit.
Silence lingers a little too long for anyone’s comfort and Joker’s cough makes it that much more uncomfortable. “Permission to speak freely, Commander?”
“What’s on your mind, Moreau?”
“This mission on Eden Prime seems like a milk run. So why is one of the Citadel’s big bad wolves accompanying us? I don’t like him.”
Kaidan chimes in. “You’ve gotta be kidding me, Joker. He hasn’t done anything to warrant you to not like him. C’mon, he even complimented you.”
“Kaidan, remembering to zip your fly coming out of the bathroom is ‘good.’ I just shot us halfway across the galaxy and hit a target the size of a pinhead, that’s incredible.” Kaidan rolls his eyes.
“I do agree with you, Jeff. Something does seem fishy, like we’re missing something.” Amerilyse looks at her watch warily, “Anyways, I better go, best not to keep Nihlus waiting. Again, it was nice meeting you both.” She waves them goodbye. Kaidan stares after her and then at where she stood before swiveling back around.
“Well, that was unexpected.”
“Depends on what you are referring to: the fact that the Commander was staring at you a little too long, Jenkins almost elbowing the Captain in the face, or that you insinuated that Jenkins is going to shit himself the next time we’re on shore leave?”
“Fuck you, Joker.”
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She curses to herself for staying too long shooting the shit with Alenko and Moreau. She keeps staring at her watch warily, worrying she may have pissed off the turian Spectre for fucking around. Amerilyse composes herself before she presses the button to the comm room. The doors slide open, but it’s completely dark inside. She peeks her head in, “Nihlus?” “Captain Anderson?” “Hello?”
She steps inside, feeling the wall to find the light switch. Something swipes at her legs and she falls hard onto her back. The blow momentarily disorients her, but she recovers and jumps back up. Her heart is thumping so loud that she can feel it in her throat. Adrenaline courses through her veins. She feels a presence behind her and ducks before a punch can make its impact. She grabs the arm that threw the punch, intent on returning the favor with her attacker by actually following through. However, another hand grabs her throat and raises her off the ground.
“Blackfire.” Her blood runs ice cold.