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Backstage was bustling with tech crew and artists waiting to go on with guitars in hand. Just off the side of the main stage was Dan Howell, fiddling with a plectrum between his thumb and index finger. The band that was on was rounding up their set. Dan had been in the same place to watch them for three days in a row now, and although he didn’t know any of their music he recognised the chorus as that of their last song.
“Hey, you’re on next, aren’t you?” A hand on his shoulder made him jump and drop his plectrum.
“Yeah, I am.” He said, bending down to pick it up.
Phil Lester, a bit of a legend on the scene, was grinning down at him as he straightened up. “Nice, man. I’m on after you.”
“I’ll hype up the crowd for you. Although they’re looking good tonight already.”
“Yeah, suppose Ben had a hand in that.” Phil motioned over to the man with bright red hair in the middle of the stage who was just jumping up onto one of the amplifiers.
They watched together for a few seconds, before Phil turned to him and said, “Are you playing Monkeys tonight?”
“Yeah, I am. Second to last song.”
Phil nodded, “One of my favourites.” Dan had met Phil a couple of times before, but he hadn’t expected the other man to have listened to his music enough to have an opinion on it. The surprise must have showed on his face, because Phil laughed, “You have some good tunes, man.”
“Thanks, mate.” Before he could stop himself, he added, “You should come on and do the chorus with me.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, man. That would really get the crowd zazzed.”
Phil laughed, “Get them zazzed, huh?”
“Yeah,” Dan said, laughing along.
“Alright, cool. I’ll be standing over here anyway. Just announce me or whatever and I’ll come on. I’ll get a mic while you play.”
King Red came off the stage and they both stepped aside to let the band pass. Techs started getting to work replacing instruments and sets, telling Dan he had about five minutes to sort out Phil’s appearance in his set. “So how about you come in at the end of the bridge and sing the chorus right after, and then we sing the last chorus together?”
“Yeah, sounds good.”
As they waited for the techs to finish their task Dan was kept busy by artists coming up to him and wishing him luck. It was a nice little Distorted Tour tradition that he liked to participate in himself as well: he had been wandering around the grounds wishing musicians about to go on the different stages the best and patting their shoulders. In return, those artists were now dropping by the side of the main stage to reciprocate.
“Time.” Someone shouted. A guitar was pushed into Dan’s hands and he had just enough time to put the strap around his neck before he stepped out to a roaring crowd.
It was a feeling like no other. Adrenaline shot through his veins as his heart picked up, beating at double its normal rate. As far as he could see the crowd stretched out in front of him, full of excited and sweaty faces. There was thousands of people who had been partying for hours and were more than happy to keep going for another few. The band behind him launched into his first song and Dan’s mind went blank, as he let the music flow through him.
Just before he started Monkeys he glanced to the side of the stage where he found Phil lightly jumping up and down to get himself pumped up. He was holding a mic and had his head tilted to listen to the man next to him, Jack the stage director, as he prepared to go on.
“Ladies and gents, Phil Lester!”
Loud roaring followed from the crowd. Dan stepped back just as Phil ran on, jumped up on an amplifier and launched into the chorus. With someone else taking the vocals Dan took on the lead guitar role for a bit, which was something he rarely got to do as a solo artist.
Swinging the guitar onto his back Dan stepped up to the mic and sang the final chorus with Phil. It really was something else to hear a crowd of thousands of people shout lyrics you wrote back at you. Phil understood. Their eyes met for a moment and they grinned at each other in a silent recognition.
The final chords played and resonated over the open field as Phil pulled Dan into a quick hug and yelled in his ear, “Thanks, mate. I’ll see you backstage after the show, yeah?”
Dan nodded at him, squeezing his shoulder, before Phil turned and walked off stage, waving at the crowd as he did so.
--
It had got dark around them. Most of the artists had finished their performances and left for the camping grounds to do drinks, party, or just go back to their bus. From where Dan was sat on an amplifier with a bottle of water he could see both Phil on the main stage and catch glimpses of Poetic Thursdays on Stage 2 behind him. His manager Sofia had been by for a chat, but she was now leaning against some technical equipment as she talked to Phil’s manager.
He was tired.
The polite thing to do would be to invite Phil to get some drinks, but what he really wanted to do was lie down on the sofa in the back of his bus and watch Brooklyn Nine-Nine reruns until he fell asleep. Sofia had told him to get a quick beer – “fifteen minutes, Dan, then you can come back to the bus and relax”-, and he would, as he always did when Sofia told him to do something. He ran a hand over his face and rubbed the corners of his eyes with his fingertips.
Phil was rounding up his set as the clock neared half eleven. Stage 2 would be continuing till midnight, but main stage was closing after this set, and Stage 3 had already finished up a few minutes before. Dan hopped up to go and wish the final band going on Stage 2 luck, dragging his tired body along. His sweaty hair had just about dried from his own performance and had now settled into curls that fell over his forehead and prickled at his eyes. Even more than he was looking forward to getting back to his bus he was excited to put on a hoodie. It was quite cold now that the sun had gone down.
“Nice set, man.”
“You too, Luce.” Dan exchanged back pats with another solo artist on her way to Stage 2. The two of them made their way over together as they approached the band standing by the side of the stage. Lucy seemed to know the members and gave Dan quick introduction.
“I’d invite you to come party with us later, but you look like you’re about to go crash into your bunk and lose consciousness for a couple of hours.” The front man joked.
Dan laughed, “Sounds about right, yeah. Have a good night, guys. Smash it.”
“I’m going to stick around for their performance.” Lucy said. Grinning, she added, “Sleep well.”
The music had already stopped by the time Dan got back to the main stage. Phil, his manager and Sofia were just meeting backstage and he was pulled into the little circle. “You coming for drinks?” Dan asked. He accompanied his words with a friendly punch to Phil’s shoulder.
“Yeah, sure.”
The two of them hopped off the platform, the managers trailing behind them as they left for the tents.
“Good set, man. Loved the show.”
“Thanks, you weren’t too bad yourself.” Phil smiled at him through the dim light coming from the lamps lining the sides of the pathway.
“Thanks. So, do you have a bar preference?”
“To be honest with you, I don’t usually go to any of the parties or anything after sets.” Phil admitted.
“Really? Why not?”
“I’m tired, man.” Phil said, laughing.
“Are you tired right now? We don’t need to go for drinks if you don’t want to.”
“No, no, it’s fine, really. I don’t mind. I could go for a drink.”
Dan grabbed his arm, bringing them both to a halt, “Okay, so how about we go back to my bus, have some drinks and play a round of Mario Kart, and then go to sleep?”
Despite the darkness Dan could see Phil’s eyes light up beside him, “Yeah?”
“Yeah, I don’t usually party either. I’m more of a ‘watch some TV and fall asleep before 1AM’ kind of guy.”
“Alright, great.”
They turned, setting course for the encampment in the other direction.
“Where are you guys going?” Sofia’s voice only came a minute after their change of plans. She’d probably been too engulfed in conversation to notice earlier, and when Dan shouted their intentions back she shrugged and continued on to the bars with Phil’s manager. As long as Dan was honouring his duties by offering Phil a drink it was all fine by her.
The camping field was resting in a quiet twilight. Small groups of artists were leaning against buses smoking cigarettes or speaking in hushed tones as Dan and Phil passed by. Phil had his hands pushed into his pockets giving quick nods to people he knew, trailing a few steps behind Dan who led the way. He had been playing Distorted Tour for years and he didn’t just know the other artists, but most of the crew too. Fans who met him always insisted he was such a lovely guy in real life, and the fact that he remembered everyone’s names and faces was a testimony for that.
The two men hopped up into Dan’s bus and walked to the sofa in the back. “Make yourself at home. Want a beer?”
“Yeah, thanks.” Phil sat down and grabbed a PlayStation controller from the shelf as Dan went to the tiny kitchen at the front of the bus. “So, Mario Kart?”
“Yeah, I was thinking that, but I’ve got some other games up on the shelf if you prefer any of those.” Dan said. When he came back with two bottles of beer Phil had kicked off his shoes and was stood on the sofa to reach the highest shelf. His fingers were running over the titles on the covers. Dan put the bottles on the coffee table, took off his trainers and hopped up next to Phil, “Anything good?”
“Yeah, I love me some Halo.” Phil pulled out a game and read the back.
“That’s a good one. This one’s another favourite of mine.” Dan said, tapping one of the Final Fantasy games.
“That entire series is legendary, to be fair.”
They settled on Mario Kart anyway, plopping down on the sofa and settling in with their feet propped up on the coffee table.
Dan was happy to have a videogame buddy for the night, given he’d been playing alone for the first week or so of the tour. Occasionally Sofia would play a couple of rounds with him, but she got bored easily and would leave him to it, and other times a few of the crew members joined in. He’d played more FIFA over the past seven days than he had in the whole year before, which said a lot about how desperate he had been for some company.
Phil was better than Dan had expected. After three consecutive losses Dan took his feet off the table and sat leant forward with his elbows on his knees, eyes narrowed and focused on the screen. “Alright, it’s on now.”
Phil laughed, “Bring it on, Danny boy.” He stayed relaxed, even took a swig of his beer and navigated the menu onehanded at the same time.
After Dan won the next two games, they were interrupted by Sofia who popped her head in to say she was back and would just be taking a shower and retiring to her bunk. Phil invited her to play a round, but she politely declined, winking at Dan when the other man had turned his head back to the TV.
--
Phil won their little tournament 16-14 and at 2:30 in the morning he was finally putting his shoes back on and getting ready to leave for his own bus. The two of them were exhausted, the rest of the crew having got back already and gone to sleep.
“Well, this got a bit out of hand.” Phil whispered, stepping onto the grass in the cold Summer night. Dan was half hanging out the door, his arms wrapped around himself in an attempt to keep himself warm.
“It was worth it though.”
“Yeah.” Phil nodded for a second before adding, “So, same time tomorrow?”
Dan’s eyes lit up, “Yeah, definitely.”
“Alright, see you tomorrow.”
Dan watched Phil walked back to his bus, losing sight of him when he disappeared around a corner. He saw the motion sensor activated lights by the sides of the walkway turn on underneath one of the buses in the distance, tracing Phil’s path. The breeze eventually made him step back in and pull the door shut. Too tired to shower, he went straight to his bunk.
--
Dan got to sleep in till nearly noon, as his soundcheck was at two. He made the trek to the tents in his sweats and slippers to get some breakfast and enjoyed the morning sun on his bare chest. It was only twelve and it had already heated up a lot since the middle of the night when he’d seen Phil off.
“Morning, dude. Wild night last night?” Sam Collins, head of the tech crew, was just scooping up some grilled cheese toasties onto a paper plate at the buffet.
“Something like that.” Dan grinned. He grabbed a plate and joined the queue.
“Didn’t see you around the party. Though I did leave quite early.”
“Oh, I didn’t hang around here. I took the party back to my bus.”
“Really? Sick, dude.”
Dan ran his hand over his face. He could feel his tiredness in his eyes and made a half-hearted attempt to shake it out of his limbs.
“Coffee?”
“Yeah, please.” Dan took it gratefully. “How are you doing, anyway? Feel like I haven’t spoken to you in forever.”
Alexa grinned, leaning against the table that held the coffee machine, “You know, same old, same old.”
He stood and chatted to her for a while as he ate his bagel. He and Alexa went way back to Dan’s first year on Distorted, three years ago, when she had taken him under her wing and guided him through his debut on Stage 3. Now he had worked himself up to main stage and she had worked herself up to main stage opener. They spoke occasionally over text outside of Distorted, but really, most of their friendship was based within the tour encampment and acted out over cups of coffee backstage.
“Hey, I heard you hung out with Phil last night. How’s he doing? I’ve barely seen him all tour.”
If Dan thought he and Alexa had known each other a while, Phil and Alexa went even further back. The two of them had both featured in the line-up of the first ever Distorted Tour seven years earlier. They’d both been barely twenty and eager for their big break. Over the years they’d become somewhat of a phenomenon in the media and questions about the nature of their relationship always hung in the air. Dan had never asked Alexa about it but seeing as she’d dated several people in secret over the past few years he figured there was probably nothing romantic there.
She seemed casual as she asked about him. Amicable curiosity out of genuine interest rather than a question with an agenda.
“He’s good, I think,” Dan responded, “we played Mario Kart and he’s pretty good at it. He beat me.”
She laughed, “Yeah, I’m sure he did. He’s into his video games.”
“He’s really nice. He featured in one of my songs during my set last night.”
“Oh, really? I left early to meet a friend in the city, so I saw half of the set after mine and nothing else. I’ll be around tonight, though. I’ll come see your sets.”
“I watched yours last night. The crowd really loves you.”
She beamed at him as she nodded.
--
Dan went up to the main stage early that evening. He’d taken a long shower, washed his hair, and was now wearing a baby pink shirt that he knew his fans loved.
As he walked past the fences people ran up or screamed at him from afar. The night was young and the energy was through the roof. He waved at the fans, hopping up on the elevated platform by the main stage and climbing onto an amplifier.
Alexa wasn’t on yet, so he sat turned to the crowd, his legs dangling off the side, as he communicated wordlessly with the enormous group of people. The sun was warming the back of his neck, he was comfortably leaning back onto his arms, and swarms of people were beaming up at him and proclaiming their love. It was bound to be a good night.
“Hey,” Dan turned around just as Alexa climbed on up next to him. The crowd in front of them went wild watching the two artists settle down next to each other and speak in hushed tones unheard to anyone but them. “you coming to watch me open?”
“Yeah, I’m excited.”
“Me too, tonight’s going to be a good one.”
Alexa was set to go on in twenty minutes, and behind them techs started getting to work setting up the stage for her.
Just as Dan was turning back to the crowd, they started screaming louder than before. He didn’t get a chance to ask Alexa what was happening, as a hand squeezed his shoulder and Phil’s face appeared, “Hey guys.”
“Hey, Phil, come sit with us.” Alexa scooted over to make room and the three of them sat together, tapping their heels against the amplifier to the beat of the song that was playing over the speakers.
When Alexa stood up, ruffled the boys’ hair, and left for the stage, Dan and Phil moved in to sit next to each other, “Did you watch her yesterday, too?” Phil asked.
Dan shook his head, “I was hanging with some of the crew back at my bus. But I can’t go too long without watching her perform; she’s incredible.”
“She really is,” Phil grinned, looking over to where Alexa was just taking the stage, “I played a couple songs with her on her tour last Fall. The energy at her shows is epic, man, really. So many crowd surfers.”
The two of them watched and bopped their heads along to her set, softly singing under their breaths until they realised they were both doing it. They both grinned, upping their volume more and more, their voices reaching each other even over the loud music coming from the speaker. During the especially upbeat chorus of Alexa’s fifth song Phil jumped up and started dramatically performing along, and of course Dan wouldn’t let himself be outdone like that.
He propped himself up on his knees to feign the guitar solo that followed. The crowd was loving it, but neither of them really noticed. They were engrossed in each other, in their little game, and didn’t come to their senses until Alexa finished the song and announced she would be ‘slowing things down for a bit’, starting a soft acoustic song with her own guitar hanging off her neck.
--
Usually when Dan felt hyper and pumped up after the stage had been closed he went to the bars to use up his excessive energy by playing drinking games and drunken tag with the other artists. Today, however, he was excited to funnel it into a strong, competitive game of Mario Kart.
He was like a small child, jumping up and down next to Phil who was trying to have a quick chat with some people before they would leave for the bus. When Phil finally turned away and gave Dan a nod, Dan immediately called out, “Race you there.” And took off.
And although Phil rolled his eyes, he immediately set in on the chase.
“Really? You’re going to…. Make me run…. After such a long day?” Phil put his hands on his knees, pressing his forehead against the cool side of the tour bus. “I’m old.” He muttered under his breath.
“Yeah, the moment I started…. I regretted it… but I couldn’t back out.”
They stood and caught their breath for a few moments before Dan unlocked the door and let them both into the bus.
Phil knew where to go. While Dan went to get them drinks Phil kicked of his trainers in the back of the bus and settled down on the sofa. By the time Dan joined him he was sat with his feet propped up on the coffee table, a PlayStation controller in his hands, and the TV already on and botting up the game.
“Are you in a hurry?”
“Yeah, I’ve waited all day to beat you again.”
“Aw, it’ll be an unpleasant night for you then.”
“Really, how so?”
“Ain’t nobody going to beat me tonight.” Dan said, trying to hide his grin.
“The only way I won’t beat you is if you’re not playing, Mr Howell.”
“Playing? You think this is a game?” He sat up, his eyes narrowed, as he put his index finger close to Phil’s face, “I’m dead serious.”
Phil was the first to crack. He opened his mouth to give a snarky response but started laughing before he could get a word out, and the moment his face changed Dan joined in and broke his character.
Nonetheless, the two of them took their tournament so seriously that by the time either one of them remembered to take a sip of their beer it had gone lukewarm. They drank it anyway, holding it between their thighs while they played and taking quick gulps in between games.
By 3AM they had each had a couple of beers and were struggling to be quiet. The crew members Dan shared his bus with had retired to their bunks for the nightly drive, and they’d already been told to ‘shut the fuck up’ twice now. They’d giggled like school children both times.
The scores were a mystery, but both insisted they were winning. Dan was making some grand statement, tapping the side of his controller against Phil’s chest with each syllable, but lost his train of thought midsentence and got a hearty laugh as a response.
“Shut up.” Dan said, his words slightly slurred.
“You’re cute.”
If anything was going to sober them both up within seconds it was those words.
“Excuse me?”
Phil shrugged, trying to play it cool.
“I’m cute, huh?” Dan had what could only be described as a shit-eating grin plastered on his face.
“Play the dumb game.”
“No, you think I’m cute.” Dan was shaking his head just a little bit harder than strictly necessary, as was to be expected from someone who’d had a couple of beers and was probably drunk both off alcohol and sleep deprivation.
“What about it?”
And in his dumb, drunken state, Dan dropped his controller, took Phil’s face between both his hands, and kissed him right on his lips.
The other man was too surprised – and maybe too drunk - to react immediately, but after a couple of seconds he put his hand on the side of Dan’s neck and returned the kiss. His controller fell onto the sofa somewhere, completely forgotten about.
Dan managed to sit up onto his knees, pushing Phil into the back of the sofa as he leaned over him. Really, the only thing holding his swaying body steady were Phil’s hands that were now both firmly planted on his hips to keep him right side up. The bus was suddenly awfully quiet, the silence only broken by the bus’s running engine and the upbeat Mario Kart jingle coming from the TV that was making the atmosphere just slightly strange.
“What are we doing?” Phil muttered against Dan’s lips.
“I don’t know,” came the response from Dan, who had the sense to pull away before speaking, “Got a bit carried away.”
“Yeah, let’s finish the tournament.”
And with that, they both picked up their controllers again and let the incident slip their drunken minds.
--
Dan woke up with a headache to serve as a reminder of the fact that he was no longer eighteen and his body wasn’t nearly as good at handling alcohol as it had once been.
He groaned, rolling over onto his side. Phil Lester was still beside him, curled up with a controller on his chest, his hand lightly gripping onto it.
Someone had turned off the TV at some point and going by the light that was coming in through the windows that might have been a while ago. As he heaved himself up on his elbows he caught a glimpse of the clock at the front of the bus. Through narrowed eyes he made out the numbers; 11:21.
Phil stirred when Dan swung his legs onto the floor, “Dan?”
“Yeah?”
“What time did we go to sleep?”
“We didn’t so much go to sleep as we were taken by sleep, I think.” Dan responded. He got to his feet, stretching out his stiff limbs. “Coffee?”
“Yeah, what time is it?”
“Nearly half eleven.”
Phil shot up, “Damn, I’m scheduled for soundcheck at twelve, and I” – he sniffed himself – “smell horrendous.”
“No one’s going to smell you when you’re up on stage.” Dan said. But Phil was already making his way through the narrow hallway to the door.
“Save me a coffee. I’m going to go take a shower.”
“Alright, man.”
--
After Phil popped his head in to take his cup of coffee and then immediately dashed off again, Dan didn’t see him again until that evening.
He wasn’t sure what to say when they ran into each other in the field behind the stages. Although they’d both carefully avoided the topic that morning, right now it was hanging heavy in the air between them. At least, that was how it felt to Dan. “Hey, man.” He said quietly.
“Hey, you okay?”
Dan blinked a few times as the realisation settled in that Phil felt in no way awkward about this.
“Yeah, I’m good.”
“Cool, are we playing again tonight?”
“Do you want to?”
“Yeah, of course, I’m-” He stopped, narrowing his eyes, “Wait, what’s wrong?”
“Do you remember last night?”
“Ah,” Phil had the audacity to grin, “yeah, of course I remember.”
“And you don’t feel weird about it?”
“Should I?” His face fell when he saw Dan’s serious expression.
“I don’t know. We were drunk.”
“Yeah, but it was fun.”
Dan couldn’t help but laugh at that, “True. Was it not a mistake?”
“Not on my part.”
“Not on mine either, I don’t think.”
“Alright. So, same time tonight? And same activity?”
“Yeah.” Dan was a bit stunned, but if Phil could read it on his expression he wasn’t showing it.
“Okay, cool. I’m going to go meet with Alexa. I’ll see you later, alright?”
“Yeah, see you later.” Dan watched Phil walk away, his eyes following the other man to the side of the main stage, where he hugged Alexa and they exchanged words he couldn’t hear. He didn’t walk away until the two disappeared out of sight.
--
“You two are lucky I messaged Kendall last night to tell him Phil was in our bus.” Sofia told Dan as he stood, sweaty, by the side of the main stage close to midnight. “I texted him at one, just before we were set to hit the road, and he had no idea. Had been calling and texting the guy non-stop.”
“Oops.” Dan responded.
“‘Oops’ is right. Make sure the people who need to know, know where you both are next time you have a fling.”
“Excuse me?” Dan said, his face going slightly red.
Sofia’s serious façade broke and she laughed, “You think I didn’t notice? You’ve got to be more careful if you want things to be a secret, love.”
“I was being careful.”
“Yeah, we all make out with our buddies on the sofa at 3AM.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah. This isn’t a reprimand. At least, not really. It’s only a reprimand for the not letting people know where you are part. The hooking up part is entirely your own business; you’re a big boy.”
Dan rolled his eyes but laughed, “Yeah, thanks for that one, Sofia.”
She squeezed his shoulder with a grin as she turned on her heel and walked away.
Beside him, Phil was just finishing up his set. As the man ran off stage under loud applause Dan grabbed the bottle of water he’d brought off the amplifier he was stood beside and offered it to the sweaty artist.
“Thanks.” Phil muttered.
For a few moments they stood next to each other in silence as Phil caught his breath and gulped down half the bottle of water in one go. Then, Dan said, “So, you too tired to get your arse kicked tonight?”
“Are you kidding? I was born for this. Let me say bye to some people and I’ll be right with you.” Phil responded, he looked around, eyes already scanning the field for people he knew, “Or you can come with me. I’ll be quick.”
Dan shrugged. The two of them hopped off the platform and made their way over to some band members by the side of Stage 2. It was pitch black out, but the area behind the stages was brightly illuminated by a generous number of lights scattered around the premises. Dan looked at the sky as he trailed behind Phil, taking in the dark grey clouds and the few stars that had managed to make themselves seen despite them.
The two men went by a couple of groups of people. Dan said little, sticking to friendly nods at people he knew, and a quick hug for Luce.
The last person Phil wanted to say goodnight to was Alexa, who was by Stage 3 to hang out with a band who had supported her on her Fall tour months earlier. Dan vaguely recognised them but couldn’t recall their name.
“Hey, man. Sorry I missed your set tonight. I was watching The Roots play their first ever Distorted Tour set.”
“All good, no worries.” Phil said, he looked at the band members, “Congrats on your Distorted debut.” he smiled.
“Thanks, we’re going to celebrate with a lot of beer.” The front man joked.
“Do you want to join the party? I haven’t seen you around the bars all tour. It’ll be fun.”
Phil glanced over at Dan before looking back at her with a grin, “You know what,” he said, “Thanks for the invitation, but I have plans for tonight. And it looks like it’s going to be plenty of fun.”
Just behind him, Dan was forced to look off to the side in an attempt to stay casual. Nevertheless, a knowing grin spread over his features.