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Somewhere about the eighth time that Miranda Shadowborn bumped into Mrs. Cloudmill, she decided just to say “Hi”. It wasn’t shyness or her general lacking in social skills that made her avert her eyes or nod curtly before hurrying away whenever she saw the woman around town- it was guilt.
Miranda had heard some not-so-pleasant rumors about Alex’s Mom before having met her. She couldn’t place where, or who was spreading them now, but she remembered having heard them nonetheless; words like “Hot mess” and “probably an alcoholic” were what stuck with her, and she placed the almost complete stranger in the “to be avoided” file of her brain.
Until Alex introduced the two.
Then Miranda saw a woman who had struggled to raise five kids, one of whom put herself in harms way almost constantly. She saw a woman who went to cafes and ordered a hot water because it was all she could afford at the time. She saw a woman whose eyes had lost their sparkle, and held only despair and sadness. A woman who had lost all hope.
In short, she saw a woman a lot like herself....
(prior to moving to Jorvik, that is).
And now here was Mrs. Cloudmill, sitting stiff and unsteady on a white gelding. He was a gentle horse, endlessly patient- Miranda knew he was Marleys oldest and the most reliable for students- but the blond woman was holding on as if she’d be thrown any second. As she passed Miranda, who had smiled and nodded when Mrs Cloudmill asked if she wanted to use the jumps, Miranda heard... something. It took her a beat to recognize it- the little voice that chimed in from the back of her head when she did readings. A voice that had mostly been quiet here on the island, as she slowly learned to trust herself. But there it was, almost at a whisper.
She’s waiting to fall because she’s been pushed down all her life...
Miranda put Silvershade, her gelding, through the jumps, giving Marley a thumbs up when he called out some kind words. Mrs. Cloudmill was still on the horse, judging the distance between her and the ground. Miranda called out to her to wait, and walked Silver over to the picnic bench so she could dismount. She then led Mrs. Cloudmills horse over to the bench so she could do the same. The woman cursed silently, as one of her sandals fell off when she pulled her foot from the stirrup, and she stepped down carefully on shaky legs and near bare feet. She looked almost grateful when Marley rushed over to lead the horse to the stable for grooming. As he walked away, she stepped off the bench and retrieved her fallen shoe- a pink flip-flop.
"I'm still not quite used to them." Mrs. Cloudmill said quietly, with a glance in Marleys direction. "He's been really nice about teaching me though." She stepped away from Silvershade and sat at the picnic table, tucking her feet under her.
Miranda was pulling sandwiches and a bag of chips out of her saddlebag, but turned to smile and nod in agreement. "Marley's the best. And don't worry. With horses its cool to take baby steps. I still need a bench to get on mine half the time." It was a half-truth, but a necessary one. She had heard people barking instructions at the woman from the fence since she began her lessons. Sometimes they were genuinely trying to be helpful, but often there was sarcasm or mean-spirited criticisms. One could tell they all made the woman uncomfortable in the saddle, and she usually stopped for the day after that. Miranda guessed that she was about done with horse girls.
She offered Mrs. Cloudmill a turkey sandwich, and the woman shook her head and slouched on the bench across from her.
"I brought them for Marley, but he said he made enough pot roast to last him til Friday. So there's plenty to go around." Miranda explained, taking a bite of one herself. Mrs. Cloudmill reached for a sandwich and examined it surreptitiously before taking a bite. She accepted a few sweet potato chips when the bag was offered and for a few moments they munched in silence. They finished the meal quickly, and sat watching as Marley went about his chores. They chatted about Alex for a bit, about how busy she always was (though Mrs. Cloudmill was quick to point out that she always made time to visit), but then Miranda found herself at a loss as to what to talk about next. She was going to excuse herself to find something to drink when Mrs. Cloudmill spoke up.
"Hey have you been to see the weirdo at the circus? The fortune teller?"
Miranda choked on a sweet potato chip, and shook her head. "No? You mean the ringmaster guy? I met him before, a while ago. Haven't been since they remodeled. I don't even think its the same guy." She pushed their lunch trash aside and wiped the table down. This was not the direction she thought the conversation would head, but it had definitely piqued her interest, as she herself was a 'fortune teller' of sorts. "Have you been? What does he use? Is he any good?"
"Oh, I thought you would've spoken with him. Alex said you were a psychic - a palm reader or something."
Miranda was surprised. Though Alex was always... nice, she had never seemed terribly impressed with her, and Miranda got the strong impression that Alex believed her to be too old to learn the ways, or too lacking in the proper amount of riding experience to be a soul rider. Of the three that Miranda had met, she spoke with Alex the least. Miranda and Lisa were fast friends from the second she offered to make the red-head some authentic "tacos al pastor", and with Linda- they frequently discussed their psychic abilities and had laughed about how they will clearly see danger a month off and a mile away, yet walk into trees when they weren't paying enough attention. But Alex was always a little aloof, up until she had Miranda help her out with James and the nightmares he was having. She should have guessed that the three would discuss a potential new rider amongst themselves, but found it funny that her tarot reading turned into "palm reading".
"Actually I read tarot cards. I used to read palms, but forgot a lot of that. So did you get a reading?" Miranda leaned forward, genuinely curious.
Mrs. Cloudmill brushed crumbs off her sweatpants and furrowed her brow at a spot of mayo on her shirt. "I.. uh... don't believe in stuff like that, usually. There's a lot of fakes, you know?" Miranda nodded in agreement. She had met tons. "But I heard some of the girls talking about a guy with a crystal ball, and I've never been to one with a crystal ball. Is that what you use?"
"Oh no... scrying is hard. I like the cards, it spells everything out for you. Or palms, cause everything's written there on your very own hand." At this Mrs Cloudmill lifted her hands to gaze at them. She held them out as if handing Miranda a document in a language she could not read. Miranda smiled apologetically. "Like I said, I've forgotten a lot of that."
Mrs. Cloudmill dropped her hands to the table. "He... didn't make a lot of sense. He mentioned horses like they're my whole life. They aren't, but if they're important to Alex then I'll learn, you know?" Miranda nodded. "I just.. wanted to see what would happen in the future. And he talked about bridges and a knight on a white horse. It just sounded like a lot of crap?"
"I hope he didn't charge for that." Miranda made a face. "If I can't read someone I don't charge for it. And it sounds like he wasn't reading you. Like- you could probably get the same from..."
"From a fortune cookie!" The blonde spat.
"Exactly!" Miranda laughed. She was trying to remember where in her room she'd left her deck.
"So... you charge for a reading then?" Mrs. Cloudmill asked the table, swatting a fly on her arm.
"Normally. I mean, it was my job for a while. But if you'll be here tomorrow, I can do a quick one- say ten minutes?" Miranda rose and gathered the trash from the sandwiches into a ball.
"How much is that?" Mrs. Cloudmill asked, biting her lip.
"Well... I can do it for free. Its very likely that people will see me reading and then I can get some paying clients. So.. don't worry bout it." She whistled for Silvershade and placed the trash in the saddlebag when he trotted over.
"Are you sure?" Mrs. Cloudmill asked, uncertain.
"Yeah it's fine. Don't sweat it." She mounted Silvershade and waved a goodbye to Marley. "See you tomorrow yeah?"
"Yeah. Thanks." The blonde waved with a tired smile.
* * *
Miranda found her Tarot deck, in its green satin bag, in the drawer of her bed stand. Though she had cleaned her room somewhat when Jamie arrived, she had to rifle through tons of the clothes that the locals were inclined to pay her with (for her services around town) to find it. She knew they meant well but it was getting out of hand in there. Shirts, riding pants that didn't fit well. Boots in colors she never really wore... "I really gotta try and sell all this stuff." She told Silvershade, as she put the little pouch in her saddlebag, and headed towards Marley's farm. Silver nickered in agreement, as there was almost as much tack in the stable. After a moment, she turned him back towards the dorms, and ran in to retrieve another item before heading up the hill towards Silverglade.
Mrs. Cloudmill had set the table where they'd eaten the day prior. It was a small tureen of Marleys pot roast, with some broiled parsnips and potatoes. There was a can of soda for each of them. Miranda dismounted, and pulled the deck from the saddlebag. She let Silvershade wander over to say Hi to the mustangs. "What's all this?"
The older woman set a paper plate down for each of them and handed Miranda a fork. "It's to pay you back for lunch yesterday. And I think I can pay for the reading I just..." She fumbled in her pockets for a second. "I had it here a second ago..." She looked distressed.
Miranda sat on the end of the table sans food and gestured for Mrs. Cloudmill to join her. "It's fine, you really don't need to-"
"Yes. I do." The woman snapped. She sat down with a thump, staring at the grain of the old picnic table, and then lifted her head and straightened her shoulders. "I don't want you to think I'm some ... charity case."
Miranda nodded. "I'm gonna be totally honest Mrs. Cloudmill- I've been there. I know." She watched as the woman went from proud to skeptical. Miranda sighed and pulled the deck of cards from their pouch. "When my kids dad left, I was on food stamps for a couple of years. Then I got kicked off and did this to get by. I still couldn't pay my rent though, and the landlord was nice enough to give us a free month before kicking us out. I mean, I almost lost my kid even..." Miranda found her throat closing at hearing the words aloud. She took a deep breath and continued. "There were a few years there when I just wished someone would throw me a bone, you know?" Mrs. Cloudmill nodded and watched as Miranda began shuffling the cards. "And then after like, a thousand years, things picked up. And now I'm in a position where I can throw someone a bone." She continued to shuffle rapidly and the woman across from her watched the cards become a green and white blur.
Mrs Cloudmill snorted humorlessly. "Sometimes all you need is a bone."
Miranda stopped shuffling after a few moments and laid ten cards out, six in a cross and four to the side. She pondered them for a second.
Mrs. Cloudmill looked at the cards, and then at Mirandas face. "What is it?"
"I'm really sorry Mrs. Cloudmill, but what is your first name??" She laughed. "If you told me, I apologize. I'm bad with names."
"Oh, ha ha. I never did, huh? You can call me Lex, or Lexi. Alex is named after me."
"Ok. Lex." She pulled the cards together and held them, with her eyes closed. "And what's your birthday?"
"March twenty-first." She cupped her chin in her hand and leaned forward. "Someone told me its the worst birthday- the worst of Pisces and the worst of Aries."
Miranda shuffled once more, then opened her eyes and started placing cards again. "Could be worse. You could be a Leo..."
Mrs. Cloudmill snorted. "My ex was a Leo." Miranda winked and pondered the cards once more. "Can you read these ones? What does that one mean?" She pointed to 'the Tower'.
"Yes, these look more ... you. The first ones were spotty." She touched the Tower card gently. "This is your past. This is a lack of a good foundation and the destruction that comes from it. This is being shaken to the core and having to put yourself back together again."
Mrs. Cloudmill pulled her hand away. "You see all that from one card?" She said nervously.
"This..." Miranda pointed at a card in the center "... is the nine of wands. It could mean there was abuse, and now you're constantly defending yourself from invisible enemies." Mrs. Cloudmill looked worried. "And its covering the five of cups. You spend a lot of time dwelling on the past, on things you had no control over. Gotta let go of the 'coulda woulda shouldas'. You're allowed to move past it now. To focus on what you do have."
Mrs. Cloudmill sat back. She wasn't sure if she wanted to hear the rest. But Miranda continued.
"The ten of Cups up top is saying that your family is not as broken as you think. There's still love, still potential for togetherness. The two of wands says that you need to learn to negotiate, though, if you want to meet your goals... Your plans fail cause you haven't been taking other people or situations into consideration. Its followed by the eight of pentacles, so that's probably regarding work. You may have to set aside a goal you had or thought you needed to accomplish before you were able to work. Its there, you just need to step outside your comfort zone. Maybe even learn a new trade. Now, the card that represents you ..."
"I thought they all represented me?" She scoffed, having been thrown off by the work comment. She hadn't had work for several months, and nothing substantial for years before that, and was worried that she'd have to pursue something entirely new, maybe even go back to school. But Miranda continued, as she was on a roll.
"The eight of swords says that a lot of your current problems are mental... You've convinced yourself you can't do this, you can't do that. But though this woman in the card seems trapped, she can navigate her way out of this prison. It also signifies depression, which you can get help for. The next card is how you think people see you. Its not so much that you're lazy, as that you have been in a state of inaction for so long that you're stagnant. But the action that you take now will pull you from that. Every action, even something as small as learning to ride. The next card is the Empress. You're a more capable mother than you give yourself credit for..." Miranda looked up to find tears streaming down Mrs. Cloudmills face. She felt horrible but, handing the woman a napkin, slowly continued.
"This last card? The four of wands? Its stability. This is saying that you can, with work, with action, with the love of your family, find stable ground. It's not far off and its not unattainable." She offered the deck to the crying woman. "Pick one."
Mrs. Cloudmill wiped her hands on her sweatpants and pulled a card from the deck. She tossed the card at Miranda, who flipped the card over, and turned it so the other woman could see.
"Its the Star. It's Hope. Its saying 'yea things are bad'. Were bad. You've been through hell, but that means you can only go up from here. You've just been down for so long its hard to see." Mrs. Cloudmill sobbed quietly, and Miranda went around to her side of the table. She placed an arm around her and pulled her in for a hug.
"So, there's hope for me yet?"
"Yes ma'am."
"Anything else?" Mrs. Cloudmill hiccuped and blew her nose.
"Uh... did you have any more questions?" Miranda reached for the deck once more.
"No. No I think that's it."
"Can we eat now?" Miranda joked, clutching her stomach.
Mrs Cloudmill chuckled. "Yea we can eat." She stood and dished out two portions of pot roast. "I'll tell you one thing..." She said, opening a can of pop and taking a long swig. Miranda looked quizzically in her direction, her mouth full of parsnips.
"You're a hellavu lot better than that clown up at the circus."
Miranda held up her pop, and they clinked cans.
As they cleaned up, Miranda remembered the present she had brought for Mrs. Cloudmill and she whistled Silvershade over. The dappled horse pulled himself from a pretty paint mare begrudgingly, and as he approached Miranda pulled a paid of grey riding boots from the saddlebag. As she presented them, Mrs. Cloudmill started to protest.
"Its not charity, Lex. Someone gave me a newish pair of boots instead of money for a job I did. I, however, have just broken these ones in, and I don't wear grey that often. Plus- You don't want to have your toes stepped on in flip flops, trust me."
Mrs. Cloudmill nodded and half-smiled. "Ok. But this is it. No more freebies."
"No more freebies." Miranda agreed. "But now- I'm off. We're riding up to the observatory tonight. Hang in there!" She called as she rode off back to Moorland.
Lex waved a goodbye and, holding the boots to her chest, walked over to Marley to ask if they could try a trail ride today. It was something he'd been encouraging, telling her she could earn money as a trail guide, but she kept refusing out of fear. The old farmer was pleased as punch when she asked if she could learn to tack them up as well, and he rushed to fetch a couple of horses for the lesson.
As she bent to put on her new riding boots, Mrs. Cloudmill smiled a hopeful little smile.