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She felt hazy, groggy. Even after years and years of dosing herself with opium, never had she felt a come down like this before. The feeling of floating and being as light as a feather began to seep out of her consciousness, and everything became clearer and more visible to her. There were three dark forms before her, and it didn’t take much more for her to figure out what was happening.
“J- Jos-fff,” No words could leave her mouth, at least not without becoming distorted and twisted. She reached her hand out towards one of the figures, the one she was sure was the Father. He gently held her hand between his two, patting gently as some form of comfort.
“Rachel. Everything is okay. Let it all fall away,” His voice was the most comforting sound she had ever heard, helping to ease her out of the drug-induced bliss she found herself in.
“What the hell did you give her?” An unfamiliar, gravelly voice rung out, although she couldn’t tell what figure it came from, she just knew it wasn’t Joseph. There was a whispered response she could barely hear, it just sounded like a distant hiss.
They sat in silence for a few more seconds as the drug eventually wore off just enough for her vision to focus, and then she saw them: the Seed brothers. She’d met John many times before, in fact, he was the one that inducted her into Eden’s Gate. He baptised her, washed her of her sins, before passing her onto Joseph. But the taller brother, Jacob, she had never met. He looked at her with furrowed brows and the corners of his lips slightly turned downward, as though this was a waste of his time.
The room they were in was lavishly decorated, or at least it was for Hope County. A buck head was hanging behind Joseph, as well as a photo of the family with an unfamiliar blonde haired woman, white sheets draping from banisters and beams. It didn’t take long for her to figure out she was at the Seed Ranch. Very few were invited back here, and that realisation triggered an anxiety response in her. With her free hand, she began scratching at her leg.
“Worry not, Rachel,” the Father’s voice came out as almost a whisper, a gentle smile lifting his cheeks and glasses slightly. He released her hand and placed his own flat on the table in front of him. “We’re not going to harm you. We’re here to invite you to join our family.”
“But,” she hesitated, testing to see if she could properly form a sentence. After the first word spilled from her lips, the Father’s smile dropped gently, as though he was expecting some kind of protest, “aren’t we all already in your family? We are your children.”
The oldest brother let out a scoff, shifting in his seat and turning his head towards the youngest, who seemed to be distracted with lining up his papers and pens in front of him. Joseph noticed this, straightening up in his chair and turning his head towards Jacob with an almost stern look in his eye. Unlike everybody else that the Father stared down, Jacob didn’t look away: he persisted until he had won.
“We want you to join our family as a sister,” Joseph broke eye contact with the soldier, looking at Rachel deep in her eyes, feeling as if he was boring deep into your soul like John does, “Faith Seed. Be reborn into purity.”
Silence fell over into the room once more. Rachel began to scratch harder at her thigh, the skin becoming red and raw. She thought of what this meant for her. She could leave behind her former life, leave behind Rachel Jessop and all the trauma, all the abuse she had experienced. She could become anew. But she would also be leaving behind Tracey, the only person to give her a second thought other than the Father.
“Is it okay if I think this over, Father?” She regretted the words the second they left her lips. He looked disappointed again, his eyes glancing down towards the table.
Desperate for someone to tell her what to do, she naturally looked at Jacob, who oozed authority. His eyes didn’t pierce into her like both his brothers did, they were surprisingly kind. He looked at her with some form of pity, as if something bad were about to happen. And that was all she needed to know.
“Nevermind,” she spat out the words at a faster speed than she thought was possible, the urgency clear in her face and tone of voice, “I would be delighted to join your family, so long as it is okay with your brothers.”
The Father’s smile re-appeared, and Rachel felt uncomfortable with how desperate she was to please him. He turned to face his older brother once more, who simply gave a simple nod and a grunt. They then both looked at John, who was still preoccupied with the order of what was in front of him.
“John?” Joseph whispered, sliding his hand across the table closer to the younger brother. He glanced up at the hand for a split second, before continuing with the arrangement of what was in front of him, like a sulking child. Jacob, having already established that this situation was a waste of his time, jerked his leg up to knee the table, shaking it abruptly. The pens that John had perfectly lined up rolled away, two sliding off the edge of the table. The papers in front of him came out of line and the ones he had his hands on had become slightly creased. Rachel watched as the man who she had only ever seen as charming and kind clench his jaw and begin to tremble, dropping the papers and placing his head in his hands.
“John, can you answer the fucking question?”
“Yes, yes, yes, yes!” He hissed, banging his hands on the table. Some hair came loose, falling over his face, breaking from the usual well-groomed image he carries. Joseph locked eyes with the younger brother, and suddenly the baptist became a guilty puppy. His bright blue eyes widened, and he dropped his head, “I apologise. Yes. We welcome you as a sister, Faith.”
***
Never in her life did Faith see herself on a hike with the mysterious military commander of Eden’s Gate. He was a few paces ahead, keeping at a consistent stride, checking back occasionally to see if she was keeping up. Despite living in Hope County her entire life, Faith had never come up to the Whitetail Mountains. She had visited the F.A.N.G center before, but her family nor friends were the hiking type. Not that she had any desire to go anywhere with those people; once upon a time, she was desperate to please them, gain their approval. Now, she was the one that needed to be pleased, and she wasn’t going to spare any thoughts for them and all the damage they’ve done her.
“Where are we heading, brother?” Faith had gotten used to referring of John and Jacob as brothers in front of the Father, no matter how much they flinched or recoiled at the very idea of having a sister.
“Don’t call me that.” He called back, protesting for the first time since they had officially been declared family. If anything, it confirmed the resentment she felt coming from the brothers, but it didn’t insult her or hurt her feelings. The way she saw it, the Father needed her more than them.
The two slowed at a scenic overlook, viewing the county in all its glory. In the distance, she could see the construction of the statue, designed to celebrate the grace of the Father. This had been Faith’s first idea when she became the siren. It showed him more appreciation than anything either of his brothers did, anyway.
“You’re to send any new converts to here, and only here,” Jacob’s calloused finger pointed in the direction of the veteran’s hospital, which the soldier had aptly made his training grounds. “Only send those you think are worthy, don’t waste my time,”
Of all the things about Eden’s Gate, Jacob’s position as a military commander made Faith feel most uneasy. Why would they need people trained in combat? They had John to procure everything they needed, from land to goods, and the word of the Father alone was enough to convert most. Even then, numbers weren’t their goal; they were only to convert the pure. The downtrodden. Amongst those taken in as the Father’s flock, the mayor wouldn’t be included, and neither would the rich. Once the collapse would arrive, they children of Eden’s Gate would be the only ones to walk on the new land, so there would be no conflict.
“I’ve been here for six months. Why tell me just now?”
“Didn’t know if I could trust you. Selena didn’t stick around this long,” the soldier pulled his rifle off his back, using the scope to view the valley in more detail, watching the movements of his workers’ activities, and their opposition: the deputies.
There had been two women before Rachel to be adopted into the Seed family: Lana was tall and willowy, with dark hair and blue eyes. Rachel assumed that they had picked her as she had a bare resemblance to the brothers, standing at the same height as John with the same tone of skin. The assumption of public officials is that she betrayed the Father’s trust, as her body was found in the Henbane by the sheriff within a year of her adoption. The second Faith, Selena, was short in stature, much like Rachel herself, with golden blonde hair and romantic brown eyes. As all Faiths were, Selena was much known for her beauty, having had a crowd of admirers her whole life. Her disappearance is surrounded with a lot more mystery - Lana had publicly gone against the Father’s will by helping a journalist get away, but the truth was never revealed about Selena.
“What changed your mind, then?”
“You love Joseph a lot more than Lana ever did,” he sighed, slinging the rifle back onto his shoulder and turning his gaze to Faith for the first time today, hesitating slightly, “and the fact that you’re gay.”
It took Faith a moment to recover from that, stifling a chuckle a little and raising her eyebrow. But from the look in her new brother’s eyes, she could tell he was being completely serious. Clearing her throat of any more laughter, and swallowing hard, she straightened out her facial expression.
“I’m sorry?”
Taking a seat on the ground, leaning back against the tree, he beckoned her over to take a seat with him. The invite made her feel uneasy but also offered an odd sense of relief, as though it was proof that she wasn’t hated by Jacob. Gently, she sat next to him, making sure no part of her white dress was touching the grass as to avoid stains.
“Put on some shoes next time,” he reached around to his side, pulling a flask off his utility belt and taking a swig, before holding it out to Faith. It stunk of whiskey, and knowing that alcohol was strictly prohibited, she politely shook her head no. “That’s a nice dress that John got made for you.”
“It is.”
“He never got one made for Lana, really didn’t like her. Considered her a weird sort of replacement, maybe. Selena got one though, kind of similar to yours,” He took a final sip before strapping the flask back into his belt. “He really liked her, although not in the way Joseph wanted him to. My baby brother’s no romantic but he knows how to butter people up, he was made for it. Most of the time, girls see those big blue eyes of his and he already owns them. Wouldn’t surprise me if it worked on men, too. It’s part of the reason his face is plastered on billboards... Selena was never the most hard to obtain woman. You could see it poking through her shirt whenever you spoke to her: ‘LUST’ written in black ink below her collarbones. Joseph thought she’d atoned and showed remarkable faith, so there, she became Faith. John was fuming: he thought we already got rid of one Faith and that it would just be the Seed brothers again. And if you know John - which I do - then you know anything attractive enough will catch his eye. He got her that dress and she fell into his bed. All he had to do was make sure Joseph found out.”
This story should have been far-fetched, but Faith had little trouble in believing it. The Book of Joseph had mentioned John’s addiction to sex in the past, and while many assumed he had atoned for this sin, that he was now a Godly man, she knew addiction all too well. Its claws can dig into you at anytime and decide what it wants you to do.
“So, John can’t keep it in his pants and managed to use his charm to get rid of an obstacle. That’s the sort of man he is,” her lack of shock at the story seemed to take Jacob by surprise for a second, that anyone else with a less keen eye wouldn’t have noticed, “Why get me a dress? He knows the truth about me and that it won’t achieve anything.”
Jacob let out his symbolic laugh that made you question whether or not he actually found something funny, or if he was just amused by your stupidity.
“Maybe Joseph requested it. I don’t give a shit,” he dampened his laughter. “Just be careful with my baby brother. He’s a wild card.”
The soldier stood up, re-positioning his rifle, before holding a hand out to Faith. Flattered by the symbolism of Jacob offering to help anybody, she took his hand and was pulled to her feet. She thought about how odd the two of them must look together. He completely dwarfed her in size, in every way. Even with his hands, she compared to him like a silly little doll.
“Why are you telling me this? Won’t it get one of us into trouble?”
“Joseph decided that you’re family now. You get to know our affairs, the dirty little secrets. Sorry to say I have none, but John makes for good entertainment.”
And with that, Jacob began making his way back down the mountain with a fast-paced Faith at his rear. It took a lot for her to keep up with him, you could tell it was something he did very often.
It was a fairly peaceful walk back down the mountain. They didn’t pass many people, but not many people took this hike due to the bears spotted on the trail from time to time. Being with Jacob made Faith feel safer though, and she got along with the oldest brother better than she thought she would. Coming into this, she assumed that he would hate her and that John would be the kinder one, but it’s proven quite the opposite.
“Caribou,” Jacob extended his arm out to stop her walking ahead any further.
Just ahead of them, the deer grazed at a grassy knoll. He pulled the rifle off his back and raised it to his eye, positioning it for the perfect shot, hovering his finger over the trigger. But instead he dropped the gun down and held it out to Faith.
“I should show you how to hunt. It’s how we’ll survive the collapse.”
“No thanks,” she placed her hand on the barrel, pushing the weapon away from her, “my father taught me. And I’m vegan.”
He made a noise which sounded in between a laugh and an exclamation of disgust as he raised the rifle once more, taking a quick shot. It echoed through the mountains, and Faith who hadn’t had time to prepare. She could feel the noise ringing in her ears as Jacob slung the rifle back over his shoulder.
He pulled out his combat knife, and headed towards the fresh kill.
***
Faith could feel it inside of her. Nervousness. Vomit. She hadn’t felt like this since she was dosed with scopolamine. Incidentally, she was at the very same place, where this started. The Seed Ranch. She revisited this place often in her dreams, even three years on, she would see the innocent 17 year old she had been. What would have become of that young girl had she not become Faith Seed? Most likely, she would still be an addict, or she would be dead in a ditch somewhere with no one to mourn over her body.
Joseph had asked her to come to check on John, who had not been seen in weeks. This was unlike John, given the public figure he was, not to mention his glutton for attention. The fact that he hadn’t been seen was alarming not only for the family, but for the followers of the Father. What would it mean if their baptist just up and disappeared? Had he lost faith?
Knocking nervously at the door, she saw something shift in her periphery. Looking as quick as she could, she saw a curtain swinging in the window as if someone had just moved it. Slowly, she knocked once more.
No answer.
Knowing that John felt too much hate towards her to invite her in, she opened her right fist to look at the key Joseph had given her. ‘Only use it if there’s no other way: John wouldn’t appreciate having his privacy invaded upon.’ Afraid, she slotted the key into the door and twisted until she heard a click. She found herself frozen with nerves, hesitating. She hadn’t been back to this house since she emerged as Faith Seed. The thought of re-entering the ranch tugged at her intestines, threatening to purge the contents of her stomach. As comfortable as she had became in the position she found herself in, the trauma of the transition had never quite settled. Most of the time she could listen to the Father’s soothing voice, but now and again those vacant blue eyes of his would take her back to the fear she felt that day.
Faith had a job however, and so, she swallowed her fears and pushed the wooden door open, the creak of it surely alerting John to her presence. The fact that such a newly built home would already have creaking doors meant that it hadn’t been maintenanced in some time, and if the people of Holland Valley knew anything about John Seed, it’s that he liked the finest; and this wasn’t it. She began to suspect the worst.
John was nowhere in the foyer, the emptiness of the dark room spreading ahead of her. The logs in the fireplace were completely used up, but they were cold with no embers. Her fears beginning to deepen, Faith closed and locked the door behind her, taking in the room. As expected, Eden’s Gate paraphernalia graced almost every empty space of the walls, accompanied by the occasional picture of Joseph or Jacob. The sight warmed her heart a little - despite his vicious demeanor and tendency to brush off rules, John loved his brothers very much. Perhaps they were the only things in life he loved, aside from his vices and the virtues of those he has baptised.
Slam.
Very nearly jumping out of her own skin, Faith spun to the source of the noise. And lo and behold, there he was: John Seed. But, it wasn’t. At least it wasn’t the John Seed she knew, the only thing familiar being the intense anger in his eyes. Messy, untamed bed-head hair, and an ungroomed beard. And, shit. She realised he wasn’t decent, wearing little other than a robe. Nothing was revealed, of course, but it still felt… inappropriate, to say the least.
“I didn’t invite you,” he hissed, fists clenching around the banister before him, leaning over to look down at Faith.
“Our brothers sent me.”
“Oh?” his demeanor became tenser, his knuckles white from his tightening grip.
She already regretted her choice of words, but it had become a force of habit to refer to them as her brothers. Biting down on her tongue, Faith’s posture became rigid also, preparing for the worst from John. Another one of his infamous outbursts, like when someone refused his offer to purchase their property, or when a follower outright refuses his orders. But the outburst never came. His grip on the railing loosened, his lips spreading to a smile. As he made his way to her, she didn’t feel comforted in the change of body language. Somehow, she felt more threatened.
“Look at you,” he took each step down the stairway slow, his hand gliding behind him, never breaking eye contact, “you’re pathetic. ‘Our brothers’.”
The malice in John’s voice made her hands tremble, teeth digging in further to her tongue before she tasted the metal of blood. His words filled her with anger, and she was sure he would stop at nothing to provoke her, but she couldn’t give him the satisfaction of acting out. Just ignore him, she told herself.
“Green eyes, mousy hair, and such a thin face,” reaching the bottom of the stairs, he paused for a second, looking Faith up and down with a sense of contempt, “you could never pass for one of us.”
“John-”
“Not as a sister, anyway. Certainly not,” the man who liked the sound of his own voice took a few menacing steps closer until the two were face-to-face. “I would say you pass as a side piece Joseph decided he wanted to fuck, but let’s be honest-”
Wrapping his hands around her wrists, he pulled her arms out between the two of them, palms facing up. The three-quarter length sleeves John had the dress designed with showed every nasty detail of her arm when stretched like this, as though it was his intention all along. Letting go of one of her wrists, John runs his fingers lightly over remnants from her addiction: puncture holes from needles that once gave her euphoria. She snatched her arms back, refusing to look anywhere but furiously into his eyes. And he looked so damn smug. “-he wouldn’t pick an impure junkie whore.”
Then it caught her eye. From a distance, the glinting crimson speckled with white wasn’t visible, but this close you could see it hugging the strands of his beard. Below his nose. Without thinking, she dabbed a finger in it, inspecting the substance closer.
When the two made eye-contact again, it’s like John realised. He had fucked up. Eyes wide, breathing heavy, he wiped the blood with the back of his tattooed hand.
“This isn’t what it looks like.”
“I’m a junkie whore, John,” she let out a mocking laugh. “I know what an addiction to blow looks like.”
“Don’t tell Joseph, don’t tell Jacob, I -”
“Would you hide the secret for me, John?”
This was the kind of emotional break Faith had never witnessed from this man. She assumed he was all wrath and pride, but his head dropped into his hands and he clawed at his scalp, pulling strands of hair out.
“You commit sin, after sin, after sin - lust, gluttony, wrath - and you expect the Father to just turn a blind eye forever, John?” The malice in her own voice emerged, and sure as shit she was committing a sin herself currently, but she’d never held a position of power over John before. She needed him to know she wasn’t to be fucked with.
“OKAY! Okay, look, listen-” lifting his head, he placed his hands on Faith’s shoulders, the mixed blood and hair smearing onto her lace dress, “you know what addictions are like, and I can still atone.”
It was a sad sight to see such a prideful man transformed into a begging, whimpering mess… and it felt all too familiar to Faith. With a heavy breath and closed eyes, she made a decision she was sure she would regret in the future. Flicking her eyes open to look at John’s pathetic blue puppy eyes, she put on her softest smile. She had seen Joseph and Jacob comfort John before, although for very different reasons. Placing her hands on his shoulders in return, she leant her forehead against his. Had he been any taller or in a different position, this would have been impossible: she wasn’t quite as tall as her brothers.
“I’ll help you. Go to rehab and get better. But just this once.”
John ripped himself away from Faith, his back colliding with the bookcase behind him. She was unsure whether he was just shocked or scared, the residue of his mini meltdown still plastered on his face.
“Wh- what?”
“You’ll get past your addictions there, with actual help. I’ll tell Jacob and the Father that you have gone to Washington to bring more followers to the cause.”
Perhaps in disbelief, John stared for a few moments, studying Faith closely as his brows furrowed in confusion. Had no one really helped him out of the kindness of their heart before? She was sure that Jacob and the Father had, although his expression suggested different.
“I don’t want to disappoint them.” He whispered softly, muffling a sob.
“Neither of us do, brother.”