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Tony knew deep in his gut that he shouldn't have taken him along with them. It wasn't suppose to go like this at all. Sure, people around him got hurt all the time and he'd be lying if he said it didn't hurt every time, but this, this was something so much harder to him. No matter how many times he's had to do it now.
No one had spoken since they had gotten back to the compound, all just splitting up and going their own ways. Tony, had ended up locking himself away in his lab where he stared down at the iron spider suit, unblinking, for a long time.
He had been making adjustments on the suit when they were called in for the mission. Deciding that they couldn't finish the upgrades in time he fished out the old Spiderman suit and invited the kid to go with them. By then he knew the kid would insist on going anyway and honestly he knew he was so much better then when he was a rookie. So as they suited up he was thinking of some upgrade ideas.
He was surprised with how okay he was with the Iron spider suit now, at first he was reminded of the day on Titan every time he saw Peter in the suit, then he realized it was dumb as it was simply a suit and he had him back. So he made that suit stronger then the other one, starting with making it bullet proof, given the fact that he realized Peter was shot at constantly.
He was running his fingers gently along the fabric, he could he could still hear the voice running through his mind from that day.
'I'm sorry.'
Watching the boy vanish in front of him as he begged for his life broke Tonys heart. He had seen a lot of the kid in him and didn't want this for him. No, he had to fix this. It was like a problem with a suit, he could fix this. He just had to. This was his fault.
But how?
Looking back later on he knew that logically Peter would have likely faded no matter what he did, the second Thanos got the stones it was over. It was just his luck that the boy was with him that day rather then on that bus with his friends.
Though despite knowing this the billionaire still couldn't help how broken he was over it for weeks, feeling like it was his fault, his heart hurt for the boy he had taken a liking to. Though he had never gotten that chance to show him he cared. He was always so terrified to get attached to the young boy, seeing himself a lot in him. He regretted it after the day he died but by some miracle he was able to get him back and he was not going to regret his little time with him this time.
So then, as an official avenger, Peter visited the compound every weekend.
When he started, he would mainly come to spend time with Tony, and when the man wasn't around he would cling to Pepper or Happy. The pair had grown to love Peter as much as Tony had, though it hadn't really been hard for them to fall into the trap with his big doe eyes that would look back at them in such excitement despite everything he had gone through.
Sure, this didn't mean he was totally fine after Thanos. Peter would pretend he was but he still had nightmares over it. Tony knew how to deal with those the best, having them himself to this day.
Besides that though everything was getting back to the way it should have been.
Tony had Peter back now and invited Captain and his friends to move back into the compound, this including Bucky. Though it took a bit for him to get use to the man at first, he grew on him and became what Tony would call a friend, especially after they had a late night heart to heart over what happened which ended in apologies and neither would admit to the others but a lot of tears.
It also helped Peter relax more when Tony did, he started to talk to the others more, easily luring them in to his charm as well. Though he got along with every one of them what shocked them all was Romanoff, who ended up being very protective over the boy, though all eventually assumed it had to do with the two spiders sticking together.
"Tony?" Pulling him from the memories and thoughts he realized he had been still staring at the Iron Spider suit and didn't hear the lab door open. He didn't have to look up to know who it was, there was only five others beside himself that had full access to his lab no matter what.
Bruce, Pepper, Happy, Pete and the one he felt the sad stare of right now, Rhodey.
"I shouldn't have taken him." The billionaire stated, not knowing what else to say.
"You should probably get looked at," The other man started with a sigh, ignoring his comment he continued, "I know you want to just stay here and sulk over it, everyone wants to honestly, but you need to make sure you only have those few cuts on your face and nothing more serious."
Shaking his head he slumped down onto the couch beside him that he put in for Peter when he passed out in the lab so many times. "No, not until I know he's fine."
"You know it wasn't your fault, don't you?"
When he was met with a long silent pause Rhodes sat down beside him and tried to be as comforting as possible. "Tony, what happened is not your fault. Just like this isn't your fault either." He gestured to his legs as he said the last part.
"I shouldn't have taken him. He's just a kid, he was suppose to be studying for his finals with me, not.." He trailed off, closing his eyes.
"He knew what he was doing, Tony. He made the choice to take that bullet for you and I'm sure he didn't regret that it saved your life."
Closing his eyes Tony still saw the sight of it all.
"Looks all clear. Now to get the files." Tony said, the suit he had nearby while he glanced around out of it. Not a second after the words slipped out of his mouth did he hear a voice shout his name before a single shot went off.
Turning towards the voice quickly he watched as the bullet went straight through the fabric of Peters suit and into his chest, so close to his heart, he watched him collapse to the ground in front of him. Seeing this happen the others didn't waste time in finding and taking down the remaining man they had missed, all while Tony dropped to his knees and pulled the younger man onto his lap. "Pete, it's okay kid. Just, hold on, I need to move you to the plane."
"M-Mister..Stark." His eyes were wide and he looked at Tony who was holding him close as he rushed to get him inside. "A-Are you okay?"
"Don't worry about me, little Bambi." He said using the nickname he had given Peter, trying to calm himself more then the kid. "How are you feeling kid? Talk to me."
"I don't feel anything. I know I was shot but..shouldn't I feel something?" He asked quietly, his voice cracking a little before he was breaking into a coughing fit, struggling to breathe.
"I've got you, don't worry, I got you." He cried, holding him close and not letting go of him the entire way back. Luckily it didn't take too long and when he got to the compound he immediately was met with Helen Cho who Bruce contacted during the flight back for him. After her and a few of the other nurses took him Tony was left standing there alone, his suit he wore under the Iron Man one was stained red with blood but he couldn't bring himself to care about it. He was a billionaire he could afford another one, what he couldn't buy though, was another Peter if he..
"Is there any news on him?" Tony finally asked the question he was dreading, he saw how bad it was, he held the dying kid in his arms.
"No news yet and no one wants to ask I think. We all love the kid and we are so worried to find out if we..if we lost him," Rhodes answered honestly before quickly continuing, "Though you could go and see yourself when you go to medical. Go get checked out then ask."
"What if I lose him, Rhodey?"
Giving him a small smile he pushed himself up off of the couch before speaking again. "Kids a fighter, Tony. He's like you in so many ways, both good and bad. Just go see for yourself instead of beating yourself up over what ifs."
Actually listening to his best friend for once Tony left the lab with him and went towards the medical wing of the compound. When arriving they were met with Natasha who was sitting by the one door, looking more upset then he had ever seen her. Looking up, she noticed Tony and scooted over for him to sit beside her on the couch she was on. She turned and gave Rhodes a small nod as well before he left the pair alone. "How long have you been here?" Tony asked when he saw his best friend vanish from sight.
"Since we got back. I got checked up myself and then I've been waiting here since." She stated with a sigh, looking at her he saw the same guilt in her that he had in himself right now. Peter loved all avengers but aside from Tony, he was closest to Natasha. Tony never would have thought she'd have the motherly instincts in her but he was proven wrong when he saw the two together.
They fell into comfortable silence as they sat there, neither really wanting to talk about Peter right now or the mission or really anything. They both knew where the other ones thoughts were but it still worked well for them, it always did with her though.
He was only pulled from his own thoughts of everything when a nurse came up to him and asked him to follow her for a quick check up, which didn't last very long. Once she saw he was barely injured, only having a few cuts and bruises but nothing so serious, she let him back to the waiting area.
Sitting there again, he felt the familiarity of this situation hit him again. He remembered the last time he was here like this.
He had no idea how long the avengers sat there in silence, each of them getting checked one by one for their injuries from their, luckily, surviving Doctor Helen Cho. Tony hadn't said anything to Steve who was there a few seats down from his own. He knew that he had just lost Bucky, they all lost someone in the end. While she was checking Bruce for his injuries they all heard the doors slam open and a voice call Tonys name loudly through the large room.
Recognizing the voice he quickly got to his feet and turned over to be met with the angry looking aunt. "Where is he, Tony?" She cried out, tears in her eyes.
"May I-"
"I want to see him, where is Peter. I saw he went on that ship with you, I was able to be supportive of the Spiderman thing but getting on an alien ship because of you I-"
"May, he..was on Titan with me when he.." He couldn't spit out the final word. When he said it he knew it would finally be real. The bright brown eyes would be gone, the happy smile and enthusiastic rants would be gone, a brilliant child with a promising future, perhaps better then Tonys own, would be gone. He couldn't let it go, he didn't want it to be gone yet.
He watched her expression change from anger to sorrow as May seemed to realize, her heart breaking sob echoed through the room as she fell into Tony who ignored the looks they were receiving and comforted her as best as he could, hugging the young Aunt. He heard her broken words of 'not him' on repeat, knowing this was her remaining family after her own husband was murdered a few years prior. Finally unable to handle it anymore he made a promise he had no idea if he could keep or not but he would die trying to.
"I'll bring him back, I promise, and when I do I will keep him safe."
Tony had wanted to make good of his promise, he did for a little while, but now he failed. Peter took a bullet for him, he was the one who should be in that room, not Peter, not his boy.
"Tony," Natasha started, interrupting him from his thoughts, "I know you are thinking hard about this, thinking it's your fault, but he made a choice to save your life. He probably would have done it for any of us."
Chuckling a little at the words, he realized how true it was. "God, you sound like Rhodey."
He noticed her lips curled up slightly. She looked like she wanted to say more but before either could get another word out the door in front of them opened and both quickly jumped to their feet to look at Doctor Cho.
"How is he?" The billionaire didn't waste any time in saying, not even giving Cho a chance to speak first. He was terrified to figure out but he needed to know.
"I got the shrapnel out safely, if it would have been slightly to the left he would have died instantly. He's asleep now and is stable, but he's not quite out of the woods yet. Though all in all, he should be fine due to his enhanced healing." She explained calmly, she was so use to this by now due to working with the avengers for so long.
Natasha gestured behind at the door. "Can we?"
"You two can go in and see him now, but be quiet so you don't wake him, he needs his rest."
Not wasting a second the pair quickly moved past her and into the room where he was laying on the bed. Looking down at him he looked so small and weak, hooked up to a few machines. Both knew that was far from the truth though given the fact that if he wanted to the boy could take down any of them with his enhanced abilities, though Captain and him would be one heck of a fight if they both got serious about it. Tony took the seat next to Peter and reached over to take his hand. Gently stroking it he looked down at him, not wanting to blink in case the boy crumbled away again.
Beside him Natasha stood and looked down at him, speaking so softly he only heard her say a few words in Russian, including the term she always called Peter, malen'kiy pauk. Glancing at her he saw how tired she looked in that moment, both physically and emotionally.
"You should go get some rest, Nat. I'll alert you if he wakes up when you are sleeping."
She hesitated, looking at Peter then Tony before nodding slowly. "How about you?"
"I'm gonna stay the night here, probably stay up all night. I'm use to it though, even after a mission, so I'll be fine." He said, giving peters hand a gentle squeeze he knew he didn't have to say about the fact he was going to have nightmares of that scene for a while now. He knew for certain though that if, no, when Peter went back to school he was going to have issues letting him go again.
Despite himself and his words though Tony could feel himself drift off a little later, the steady sound of Peters heartbeat through the machine was calming to him. It was a reminder that he was still here with him.
He was right though in the end, having nightmares on repeat of not just Peter dying, but of being kidnapped, of Yinsen again.
He was jolted awake from an especially bad nightmare an hour or so later, immediately after he closed his eyes again, though this time to try and calm himself and catch his breath. Just as he was starting to calm down, he felt a gentle squeeze on his hand. Blinking his eyes open a few times, it took him a while until he realized he was awake and not dreaming again.
Looking back at the familiar brown eyes he opened his mouth and closed it a few times, probably looking like a fish.
"Peter," He managed to croak out after a little while, his eyes wide as he had stared at the boy, awake in the bed beside him, "You're awake."
He mentally slapped himself for stating the obvious, but still couldn't believe it. It all felt so real in his nightmares and he didn't think he would get him back. Peter opened his mouth to try and speak but it just came out as quiet and broken noise.
Quickly moving into action he went to get him a glass of water and helped him so he didn't spill it on himself. Once done he seemed to be a lot better as he looked at his mentor. "M-Mister Stark? Wha, where am I?"
"The compound, kiddo. Also you know it's just Tony by now. But, you got shot remember?"
He seemed to think about it for a moment before nodding slowly. "You..the man was hidden. My senses detected it but..to late.." He said quietly. Tony saw how exhausted he looked in that moment.
"S'ry," He slurred, "I didn't want you to.."
"Shh, no Peter. You did great, I was the one who messed up." Tony said, watching as Peters nose crinkled in an adorable way he did when he was annoyed. Tony reached his hand up and moved to gently run it through the boys messy curls.
"Not...your fault." He said sleepily as he leaned into Tonys touch more. It didn't take long before he was lulled to sleep by the gentle touches, his face softening, he looked so at peace. Watching him sleep for a few minutes Tony gave a gentle smile before closing his own eyes as well.
"I love you, kid." He said softly before drifting off to sleep.