Chapter Text
It's late.
Unable to sleep, Eren wanders through the dark corridors of headquarters alone. He takes care not to rouse anyone as he passes through the dorm hall, shoes clanking as quietly as possible against the cobblestone floor. Traversing the empty halls is usually relaxing and he's memorized the steps even in the darkness. It's fortunate they no longer lock him in the basement at night.
As he rounds the corner, though, he sees candlelight bouncing off the walls just outside the dining hall. He stops and his pulse quickens. Someone is awake. Stopped dead in his tracks, he forces himself to relax. It is after curfew, but he reasons that he's not leaving the base or doing anything wrong so there is no reason to be nervous. It's probably just Sasha raiding the cupboards again anyway.
He tiptoes around the corner only to realize with a pang of dread that it’s actually Levi amid the shadows of chairs stacked neatly on the tabletops, diligently scrubbing the floor...
Half past midnight.
Who knows what he's doing up so late and Eren internally panics for a moment, still standing shell-shocked in the frame of the open doorway. Turning back is his best choice of action but he barely finishes that thought when Levi abruptly fixes him with narrowed eyes, flicking his glare to Eren's boots and then back up. It is too late - he's been caught.
"Th-they're clean." Eren says awkwardly, giving in to finally step through the doorway. There is no turning back now so he may as well try to act natural. He reminds himself that he is not actually breaking any rules... he hopes. "So you couldn't sleep either, sir?"
Levi grunts, "You and your friends did a shit job earlier."
"Oh." Eren says, feeling a twinge of remorse in his gut. Eren is certain that he did a great job, actually. The others were the ones goofing off, no matter how much Eren was on their case. None of them ever seem to believe him since he's the one who always has to deal with the pissed off Captain after the fact. Levi is still so distant with the others - the way he was with Eren when he first joined the squad.
Eren manages to keep the information to himself though, both for not wanting to fan the fire and also because he feels guilty all the same. As he scans the room, he realizes Levi has worked all the way down to the back corner of the hall and Eren wonders just how long he's been at it, down here working alone in the dark. He also wonders how often this happens, how often Levi just doesn't say anything.
His thoughts are rudely interrupted. Levi tosses a wet rag violently in his direction, splashing soapy water across the floor and his shirt. "Make yourself useful," he says, curtly.
Eren tenses and part of him wants to mouth off that it’s late and this is really ridiculous. Then again, why go back to tossing and turning uselessly in his bed, too afraid of nightmares? He supposes, despite the stress of being in a room alone with Levi, he likes talking to him. He likes it even when the conversations are awkward or confusing (as they usually are). Besides, if Levi deems this important, then Eren will listen to him. So he nods in silent agreement and settles down in the corner just a few feet away from Levi. Though neither of them ask the other why the other is up so late, Eren desperately wonders just what it is that compels Levi to take care of a dirty floor in the dead of night.
He doesn't ask. He only scrubs and scrubs, letting himself fall into the same rhythm as Levi. Time ticks by slowly and a misplaced sense of companionship falls over him. Everything feels a little different without the prying eyes of the squad. Familiar. Perhaps intimate even. Unlike the days back at the castle, they can now stay in rooms alone together and Levi doesn't always watch him with a critical eye. Eren wants to believe that Levi even trusts him now, so he lets his eyes gaze up while Levi is turned away. He openly lets his eyes travel along the thin fabric of Levi's over-sized sweater, ghosting along the muscles of his shoulders as he works, and he studies the way his bangs hang heavy over his eyes.
You look at Captain Levi the way Jean looks at Mikasa.
Eren slows his movements and considers the disquieting words Armin whispered to him weeks earlier. He was irritated at the time, but the memory sticks in his mind now as it does so often in these rare moments when he is close to Levi. It is true after all, he thinks. He's already long since known this. He's known it probably since he first saw those wings upon his back, when he opened his eyes that day in Trost, if he's honest.
He now worries he has been too obvious, worries that he's made one too many sidelong glances.
Levi must think so little of him. An annoying brat with a stupid crush.
But Eren still stares. Shamelessly. It's just so rare he gets a glance of Levi not wearing layers upon layers of uniform - shirt, jacket, cravat. How can Eren not look when in dimly lit rooms, the gentle curve of his throat is visible? Yes. This is a perfectly valid use of Eren's time tonight.
He re-positions himself so he can glance up to Levi at will, mostly hidden from detection. Then something catches his gaze in the candlelight - a ring of purple-red bruises around his throat, just like the bruises Eren used to see swell up on his body from the leathers during training. Eren's eyes go wide in concern and he forgets he's supposed to be silently observing. "W-What are those marks on your neck, sir?"
Levi stops. A hand flies up to cover the bruises and he shakes his head, turning away. "It's nothing."
Eren frowns because it certainly is something, but the finality in Levi's tone makes him hold his tongue. He busies his hands polishing the floor, still silently working out how Levi could end up with belt-shaped bruises on his throat. It's weird and something nags at Eren's mind. He keeps his eyes down, feeling like he's done something wrong. When be does gather the courage to glance back up, Levi has stopped working and is just kneeling awkwardly with his back to Eren. A heavy tension settles in the air.
"I'm sorry." Eren says quietly. He doesn't really know what he's apologizing for, but it feels appropriate. His eyes fall back to his hands as he tries to swallow the guilt building up inside him.
"Just don't say anything to anyone." Levi pleads in a low voice, the tone foreign on his tongue.
Eren looks back up again and blinks. What exactly is he not supposed to say? Levi looks at him for a very brief moment, eyes conflicted and body more tense than usual. "What I do in my personal time isn't anyone's business, so don't go gossiping about this to your friends." With that, Levi turns away again and resumes scrubbing at the other end of the room, more strenuously than earlier. The sounds of sloshing water and the swish of his rag on the stone floor fills the silence between them.
Eren stays still and furrows his brow in confusion. Levi is acting so odd. Whatever it is, it’s personal? And Levi is acting... embarrassed? Ashamed? Eren wants to ask Levi so badly but he doesn't want to look like an idiot. He goes back to work but is lost in thought for a long time before he pauses his motions, finally remembering a conversation he overheard more than two years ago, back at the training hall. It was something whispered late at night in hushed voices between some of the older cadets. It was something that had mostly just confused him at he time. There was something… something about choking and sex. Maybe.
Eren's skin flushes and heat gathers in his belly. His eyes drift back to Levi, suddenly fitting the pieces together.
The bruises. The embarrassment. What he does in his personal time.
He must be studying Levi for longer than he realizes because he is caught once again. "Are you just going to sit there and stare at me for the rest of the night?"
"N-no sir!" Eren fumbles and turns his burning face back down on his hands. He hadn't even realized Levi was looking at him again.
"What the hell are you so embarrassed about?" Levi asks with a touch of impatience.
Eren looks up again, flinching under Levi's tone. "I, um, well... I..." he stammers uselessly. Levi's accusatory stare darkens. "I just didn't really think about... I was just..." he stops himself, floundering out of control. What is he supposed to say?
"Just spit it out already." Levi demands. "If you have something to say to me, just fucking say it already."
Eren is having trouble finding words. "I just didn't even know you were seeing anyone..." His face is still burning so he tries to focus harder on his work on the floor. It's not really what he meant to say at all, but everything else on the tip of his tongue is probably a hundred times more inappropriate. He hopes the answer will suffice, that Levi will change the subject.
No such luck. "What are you on about?" he asks, "I'm not seeing anyone."
Huh? Well, maybe Eren still doesn't understand. Does he have it wrong after all? Levi is still staring at him incredulously, silently demanding another response of some sort. "I'm sorry, I just assumed..." Eren murmurs, "I mean, I thought that was... with the... well, I think I misunderstood, I'm -"
"Alone, Eren." Levi interrupts. "I do it when I'm alone."
Oh.
Eren stops working again and slowly glances back up at Levi. He's no longer looking Eren's way, focused back on cleaning his half of the floor. Maybe Levi is purposely trying to rile Eren up by saying these things. Maybe it's funny. For Eren, there is something both scary and exciting about Levi divulging all this, even if Eren doesn't understand why he's saying it. Hange was right - sometimes Levi can be open about the weirdest shit.
Or maybe he wants to talk about this.
"I didn't think about that." Eren swallows nervously. He is curious now even though every logical brain cell he has left tells him to just shut up. He wants to dig now while Levi is still in a talkative mood, though he knows this will probably only lead to more misunderstandings and possibly a reprimand. "Why don't you just hold your breath, then? Isn't it a little dangerous to-" he gestures uselessly with his arms, "do that... alone? What if you pass out or something?"
Levi turns back and gives him a flat look. "Well shit, Eren. I never thought about that." Eren shrivels slightly, not understanding how Levi can talk about this with such a straight face. Meanwhile, there must be a stupid expression on Eren's face because Levi rolls his eyes before continuing. "It's not just about the breathing. I want the feel of something around my throat. I want it to be forceful. I don't have a partner, so I do what I can."
Eren has absolutely no clue how to respond to that so he stays silent, eyes wide. His body is tingling and his heart still pounding. He's also half-aroused and idly wonders if Levi can see that written on his face. The image is just a little too clear. Too perfect. Levi getting himself off. Levi fucking getting himself off. Eren has to make conscious effort not to squirm under the mental image. Levi is human so of course he thinks about sex, but now that Eren has actual confirmation that his Captain Levi has a sex drive (and jacks off for fuck's sake) the image just won't leave.
Something must be very wrong with him.
Biting his lip, he lets his next words settle in his mind before he makes an even bigger mistake.
Is Levi discussing this with him simply because he trusts Eren not to say anything?
Or is it something else?
Eren wants...
He's going to take a chance.
"I could..." Eren starts. His voice is a shade too high in the quiet room, echoing off the stone walls. "I could, um, help you out… If you want."
The room goes dead quiet. There is not even the sound of walls creaking or wind rattling the windows. All Eren hears is the desperate pounding of his own heart against his ribcage. Did Eren really just make a pass at his commanding officer?
Shit.
Minutes tick by before Levi finally breaks the silence. Eren is almost shaking with embarrassment, unable to look at his face. "Are you offering because you want to, or -"
"I want to!" Eren answers in a rush, cutting Levi off. Too eager. Too fast. He tries to calm himself, with limited results. Everything goes quiet again and Eren nervously chews his bottom lip, keeping his eyes trained on his hands moving across the floor. He really hopes Levi isn't just screwing with him.
So distracted by his thoughts, he doesn't even hear Levi approaching him until he sees the tips of his boots right in front of him. Levi plants his water pail on the ground in front of Eren, forcing his attention upward.
"Are you sure?" Levi asks, and Eren sits up and straightens his back to fully meet his gaze. Levi’s eyes are questioning, curious, but not condescending for once. This is not what Eren expected so all he can do is nod.
"Fine."
Eren remains rooted to the floor, his heart still beating wildly while he tries to wrap his head around what Levi is saying. Levi is still staring down at Eren as though he's expecting something. What that something is, Eren doesn't know.
"Stand up." Levi's firm voice breaks the silence. Eren does so on shaky legs, fingers fidgeting around the hem of his nightshirt and eyes darting uselessly around the dim room. Shadows on the walls dance around and prickle the hairs on the back of his neck as he uselessly tries to calm his nerves. Levi's thumb and forefinger catch his chin and clutch his jaw to bring his focus down. "Do you even understand what you're offering to do?"
Hell no. "Yes, sir."
Levi raises an eyebrow. "Try again."
Eren swallows. "I can do whatever you ask me to do, sir."
A faint smirk plays on Levi's lips. "Is that what you want? To follow my orders?"
Eren nods minutely, Levi's grip still holding his jaw in place. "I want you to trust me to follow your orders, sir."
"Better." Levi says, "Keep going."
Eren knits his brows together. This is starting to sound like a test. "I'll do whatever you say because I trust you. Just trust me too, sir. Please. I want to show you."
Only now does Eren realizes how close their faces have gotten, Levi's hot breath ghosting across his lips.
"Then what are you waiting for?" Levi whispers, his voice low and quiet. "Prove it."