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Monoma wasn't even supposed to be there.
He should have just accepted Kendo’s offer of going to the little outing the rest of the class had organized, probably made some obnoxious comment about how he was going to allow them to bask in his presence a little longer, snickering for the groans and unamused faces that they would make in response. But he didn’t.
Why didn’t he do it?
Ah. Yes, Shinso.
They had not been able to see each other for awhile, not since Hitoshi had been transferred to the stupid class 1-A, since there wasn't time for studying sessions or sparing or casual dates after school.
’Too busy’, Shinso told him usually, and Monoma understood (maybe sending more than one dejected message hidden by a teasing jab), really, he did, training to become a hero was hard, sometimes incredibly overbearing, but that didn't stop the feeling of rejection, of being left behind. Like he was losing something precious against the menace that were the kids on the other class.
Neito used to just shrug the feelings off, though, trusting in his own charisma and the relationship he had build with Shinso through all the months they were together. Turns out he shouldn't have been so stupid, so naive, not when the other party in the equation was one of the peskiest members of class 1-A: Bright and annoying, Midoriya Izuku.
Monoma loaded him, not more than that prideful and foulmouthed Bakugo, but that truly was changing in that moment.
Seeing how he was the figure sharing a kiss with Shinso and all.
Breathing was becoming harder to do, his vision getting blurry, and Monoma was sure he felt his heart splinter a little bit, lungs getting punctured by tiny needles. He felt sick, utterly, completely and absolutely nauseous.
Midoriya and Shinso were separated now, sharing soft smiles and tender looks. The fucking nerve they had. How there they?
Anger was making him feel like falling apart piece by piece. Not heartbreak, of course not.
Not because Shinso never really looked at him quiet like that.
Maybe he should leave, that would be the most reasonable thing to do, avoid confrontation, let the new surge of hatred full his will of crushing the other students to the ground, be the best. But he also didn't do that, because Monoma Neito wasn't reasonable, he was a force to be reckoned with.
And so he marched forward, hands turned into fists and gaze blazing with barely contained fury. The other two noticed his presence then, and if they had anything to say about it, Monoma would never know. But there was something utterly satisfying about feeling the crunch that Shinso’s jaw made against his fist.
“Turns out you were never better that the rest of this stupid class, huh, Hitoshi!?”, It was a hiss, full of all the poison and searing rage that was making him hurt all over. Consuming. Horrible.
Wrong.
He saw the surprise in those tired eyes, the realization, the regret. Maybe, perhaps. He didn't know, didn't care, didn't want to care. So he sneered, hateful, and pushed hard the stupid green haired asshole that was still there, watching.
God how he hated him, both of them.
He marched out of the cursed classroom, and bolted down the hallway as soon as he was sure he was out of view. He felt so sick. Legs shaking, eyes unable to focus, at some point or another he felt his voice try to crack in a sob, but he hold it back. He wasn't going to allow himself to cry for something like this. At least not in that place.
Through the roaring on his ears Monoma heard footsteps, but he didn’t slow down.
(...)
“Monoma”. The call was small, measured, like he was a small animal that could run away if scared.
It pissed him off, he didn't acknowledge it.
“Monoma, let me…” Explain, expected, Shinso was not the greatest with social interaction. Monoma turned to look at him, gaze piercing.
’Do it, then, I am waiting.’ Was what it said, the taller male shuffled uncomfortably under it, putting his hand on the back of his head like he usually did. The gesture made Neito clench his jaw.
“Well? Don't make me lose my time,” Tone chilling, unrelenting. He snapped “So what? Got anything remotely important to say or not? Perhaps some justification for why exactly I just saw my boyfriend being so disgustingly in love with another person?”
Shinso flinched a little at the obvious accusation, scoffing, ashamed. “Can we just talk, please?”
“We’re talking.” Monoma countered, gesturing wildly with his hands to the both of them “Come on, Shinso, you are supposed to be smart.”
“Could you not act like this right now?” Hitoshi frowned, obviously not in the mood for his sarcasm, a pity.
Monoma’s lips curved in a sour gesture “Like what? Like I usually do? Sorry if you can't handle a little bit of attitude anymore.” His tone was strong, unforgiving, anger rising like a riptide and crashing against the surface, wanting to be let out, Monoma was never good at holding back his tongue “But maybe you really didn't wanted that from the start, maybe you just wanted someone to help you build some confidence while you managed to get to the big fish.”
Insecurities wormed their way out too, Monoma would care more about it in other circumstances, but not right now, with his heart begging to be ripped out of his chest. He stalked forward once more, not leaving that much space between the two, he quirked his eyebrows and smirked.
“Or maybe you wanted both?” His words carried danger, despite the smoothness on his movements, putting both of his hands over the broader chest in a measured touch “Yeah, being able to bask on the presence of precious Deku and having me there if you ever got bored, to spice things up.” Sharp words, his hold turned hurtful “Did you seriously thought I was never going to notice?”
He pushed back, the sudden movement got Shinso to stumble before he managed to catch his footing, but Monoma didn’t give him time for much more before he started to push again, and again, with every new sentence that left his mouth, each one more enraged, desperate, broken. “You seriously wanted to threat me like a fool. Like someone that doesn't matter! But you didn't succeed! So, who’s the fool now!? Eh, Hitoshi? Who!?”
Monoma was, he will always be the fool, for believing that someone like Shinso could actually like him back, because, somehow, Monoma had always known he was not special at all. Not special enough to make it to the main hero course, not strong enough to win the Sports Festival, not good enough for anything (for anyone).
Screw that. Neito was not going to give in, he wasn't going to give anyone the pleasure. He was going to be the best, alone or not, he will show everyone he was meant for greatness.
Show Shinso what he was about to lose.
Speaking of the other male, he was looking stunned by the outburst, trying to keep his composure and find anything to say, to excuse himself, to make up for his mistake, to apologize. And even if a part of Monoma wanted to know, to understand, he couldn't allow himself to let his guard down.
“I never wanted to hurt you,” It was a small call, pleading, the blond could almost hear the edge of a sob bleeding into it and he felt the painful twist his heart made because of it. Shinso sounded so lost, so regretful, sincere. And Monoma knew, could honestly swear on his life, that if Hitoshi asked for his forgiveness in that same tone, he wouldn't be able to say no.
He was such a lovesick fool.
He felt a usual sting on his blue eyes and tried to blink it away, hardening his expression to hide the hurt, the way Shinso’s voice made his anger and resolve begin to crumble. He couldn't do this, gods, he was so pathetic. And so he laughed, humorless, horribly, voice cracking for unspoken whimpers and cries “What did you wanted, then?” He spat, averting his gaze.
Look him in the eye and you know it's over.
“I just…” Shinso started, clamping his mouth shut after a moment, like searching for the right thing to say, like he wasn't an expert in making Monoma bend to his demands “I couldn’t help it, I mean, I know that doesn’t make up for anything but… I swear I didn't plan for things to end the way they did, for the thing with Izuku to evolve the way it did, I… I wanted to tell you, Monoma, I really did. But I just… I just…” And the stream of words died down, and Shinso shrugged, looking small, to finally add in a whisper “I’m sorry.”
“So that's it? You avoid me for weeks, making excuse after excuse about things you needed to do, so you didn't need to tell me you were dating someone else? Keeping me as the oblivious and stupid third party so you could postpone confrontation for as long as possible? So you didn't need to accept just how little I meant to you!?” Monoma wasn't sure what made him finally snap, maybe it was the fondness with how Shinso used Midoriya's name, or the implication that their relationship have meant so little that he was actually capable of falling for someone else, or maybe how he used his surname in such a detached way, distant. Like they were nothing to begin with. Whatever it was, Monoma felt the way his eyes lit up with a new surge of rage, of hurt, and he pulled on the string of control that had formed the moment Shinso answered his question. The guilt stricken and sad expression turned into one blank and hollow, awaiting for instructions, and Neito felt the astonishment that Shinso was experimenting through the threat that joined him to his consciousness. He felt sick, so sick, he had never used Shinso’s quirk on him without permission, it felt wrong. Like betrayal.
But Shinso was the first to stab him in the back, and even then, Monoma just wanted a way to get away. Even if it wasn't the best.
“Fuck you, Hitoshi, just…” He felt his throat closing up, painfully, and wetness finally starting to run down his cheeks “Just leave me alone.”
The fact that Shinso followed the order when Monoma knew he could have broken out of the control if he had wanted, if he had wished to stay, was probably what hurted him the most.
Neito broke down. Uncontrolled. With nothing to hold him back anymore, unable to do so himself. And knowing that no one was going to be there to help him pick the pieces afterwards.