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“Are you sad because you lost Ryuuji to Taiga or--”
“I don’t know,” she’d said, through tears. And now, in the darkness of her room, she still didn’t know.
Am I sad because I lost Ryuuji to Taiga? Or was it the other way around?
Minori pulled the sheet over her head. She’d never been one to shy away from thoughts of other girls, even if they hadn’t been perfectly...appropriate. But it never meant anything. Right? It was just pure, aesthetic appreciation of the female form when she found Kawashima’s swimsuit spread in a magazine at the 7 Eleven and decided to buy it and examine it more closely at home.
Or it was the comfort of another warm body against hers when she cuddled up to her teammate on the bus ride home from a softball game that had an undesirable ending.
Or it was love between platonic friends when she found her hands itching to grasp Taiga’s when they brushed together on the walk to school.
No one, whether they were sexually attracted to women or not, could deny that Kawashima was hot. Objectively speaking. And Taiga was cute. Those were just the facts. And if Minori spent more time looking at them than strictly necessary, well, then she was just…
Just what?
Minori suddenly felt that she was suffocating under the thin cotton sheet, and she tossed it aside to get a deep, calming breath of cooler air. She thought of Ryuuji, imagined his eyes, which got him so much negative attention but were actually so full of warmth. But he wasn’t turning them on her, not even in her imagination. He was looking fondly, as always, at Taiga. Minori followed his gaze and began to think about Taiga instead, her smile, her sadness. The dreamy image stared right back at her. Of course it did. Taiga always cared for Minori, and Minori loved her for that.
Why did Minori love Ryuuji?
Minori covered her eyes with an arm, blocking the tears from collecting in the inner corners. She thought of his kindness, how he greeted the teacher as he arrived in the morning. His generosity, how he would give everything from material possessions to time to advice. His groundedness, how he held the friend group together.
But all these things...Minori closed her eyes tightly, as if to block out the image of Ryuuji and Taiga, since she couldn’t manage to imagine one without the other.
All these things Minori loved about Ryuuji, she discovered by watching him with Taiga.
Minori first noticed his daily "Good morning, teach," because he would call across the room from the Palm Top Tiger's side. She first understood his generosity when he brought lunch for Taiga, many weeks not missing a single day. She first learned of his loyalty when he ran the race to prove he was deserving of Taiga’s friendship during the cultural festival.
Minori felt her face heat up. Why had she run that race, anyway? The prize was a chance not only to crown Taiga but to prove your worthiness so that she might...might what? Ask for your hand?
To dance. Oh, right, to dance.
Watching Kitamura pull Taiga close that night had put an uncomfortable feeling in her chest, though she couldn’t figure out what it meant.
“Maybe I prefer girls,” she’d blurted, unthinkingly.
Ryuuji had considered her for a moment, only a second, before announcing his disapproval. But Minori hadn’t been able to shake the idea.
“Maybe I prefer girls,” she whispered again, this time into the darkness. Yet again, she didn’t realize she spoke the phrase aloud until another voice pierced the silence.
“Is that why you asked me to stay?” Ami whispered, gentle and nonthreatening in the dark bedroom.
The floor creaked as she turned onto her side to face Minori. Ami's eyes watched Minori as she blinked twice and tried to gather her thoughts. “It just felt right.” She swallowed, lowered her voice. Almost inaudibly, she added, “Doesn’t it feel right?”
“Stupid,” Ami replied. “You know I’m not a lesbian right? I can’t waste these good looks. The guys would revolt.”
But her eyes were soft, and she was leaning towards Minori.
Minori closed the distance between them, freezing with her lips against Ami’s when her brain caught up to her body. She couldn’t move, neither to pull away nor to deepen the kiss. Ami’s mouth was warm and soft, and so were her fingers as they danced across her cheek. When did those get there? Something tickled deep in her chest and spread, like her insides were sparkling.
“Taiga,” Minori whispered, and Ami pulled away, a loud protest escaping her lips.
Minori laughed, the sanctity of the moment broken. “The answer to your question.”
Ami glared, leaning back entirely onto her own futon.
“I lost Taiga to Ryuuji,” Minori added unhelpfully.
“Please stop saying her name,” Ami complained, cocooning herself deeper into the blankets.
Minori caught herself staring fondly at the bundle of sheets and wondered briefly if she looked like Ryuuji did when he looked at Taiga. She still felt the pressure of Ami’s fingertips, the ghost of her lips, and it made her smile. Her hand itched to reach for Ami, so she did.
“Hey, it’s late, but we’re both awake anyway. Let’s go look for UFOs.”
“Absolutely not,” came the reply. “Not unless you can find one inside this room.” Ami untangled one arm from the sheets to tug at Minori’s wrist to keep her from standing up. She didn’t let go, not even when Minori lay back down beside her.
Minori smiled. “Maybe I already did.”