Chapter Text
“What’s wrong hyung” Tae asks Namjoon. Their leader had been moody all morning and they agreed to steer clear of Kim Namjoon…in his present state. Even Yoongi had not said a word to him for most of the morning. (Granted, their morning started at 4am with a long drive out to the countryside. But still, several hours had passed and lunch time was near. Namjoon and Yoongi still had not exchanged words.)
“Nothing, Tae” answers Namjoon. “Don’t pay any attention to me.” Namjoon did not want to inadvertently trample on someone’s feelings as he tried to resolve this restlessness inside him. Another hour wore on and they were close to being done with the photoshoot for the day’s concept.
“Kim Namjoon,” beckons Seokjin.
“Jin-hyung.”
“What’s up?” Namjoon shrugs at Jin’s question, pretending to eye a tree in the distance. “You’ve been like this all morning.”
“Just thinking.”
“Over thinking, more like it,” says Hoseok as he approaches the two leaning against a tree. “I got you an americano…” he says as he leans closer to Namjoon.
“Oh…uh…I’m not in the mood for coffee,” Namjoon says as he takes the cup from Hoseok and brushes him off. Namjoon turns to Seokjin: “do you want it hyung?”
“Oh…uh,” Jin senses a bit of tension between the two and opts to remove the innocent cup from them. “SURE…why not? Americano sounds like what I need” he says with MUCH enthusiasm.
Hoseok smiles at him and looks over at Namjoon who is still pretending to eye something in the distance. Hoseok isn’t sure what’s wrong but it’s like Namjoon woke up on the wrong side of his bed this morning and doesn’t care. Sensing that this may not be a good time, Hoseok moves over to Jin’s side of the tree. They start to converse about the concept photos and the cold temperature.
Namjoon moves away from the tree. He grabs a blue/brown ombre sweater and tosses it to Jungkook. “’kook…give that to Hoseok. He’s cold.” Namjoon stalks off as Kookie looks down at the sweater, confused. He gets up to obey but is stopped by a smiling Jimin.
“I’ll do it,” he grins. Jimin takes the light sweater from Jungkook and walks over to Seok & Seok. As Jin fiddles with his camera, Hoseok looks on. Jimin wraps the sweater around Hoseok, resting it over his previously bare neck.
“What’s wrong with your boyfriend” Jimin whispers. He backs up, blowing into his balled up fists, trying to gather warmth against the morning chill.
“I have no idea” Hoseok says as he adjusts the sweater. “But if you find out, will you please let me know?” The roommates exchange a glance and raised eyebrows.
“Well, FYI: he told Kook to bring this sweater to you. So, at least he’s still concerned about whether you catch a cold or not,” Jimin smirks. He walks away as Hoseok slowly paws at the sweater. A tiny smile forms on Hoseok’s face as he looks to the ground.
Whatever it is, I hope it passes soon Hoseok thinks.
Another half hour passes, as all seven gather towards the bright photo shoot lights. The next poses are full group photos. As the others are positioned, Hoseok talks to the filming crew on-camera. They walk over to Namjoon who is also awaiting further instruction from the photographer. Wanting to bring a smile to his lover’s face, Hoseok sings.
“Sa-vann-ah, sa-va-nnaaaahhh” he muses as he does a little cha-cha. He tries to jiggle a little closer to Namjoon. However, Namjoon smoothly evades him on camera and backs up a bit. It causes a ripple of laughter among the filming crew and a wave of sadness within Hoseok. He feels rejected, unwanted. His antics, as silly as they can be, usually bring Namjoon around. Helps him over whatever cliff of uneasiness lies in the way.
But right now, Namjoon looks a bit more annoyed than anything else. And that stings Hoseok more than he would like to show. For the next hour that remains of the photo shoot, Hoseok avoids Namjoon. Even in poses where they are near one another, he makes no extra effort to smile or ease into conversation. His mood extends to the others who notice the swift change. They can always tell, almost immediately, when the sunlight burns out.
On the ride back, Hoseok joins the maknae van. Namjoon pretends he doesn’t notice but that’s a lie. Even in his current mood, he misses the warmth. He IS somewhat relieved Hoseok isn’t with him…it spares an innocent Hobi from Namjoon’s mood. But now there’s a void. Where laughter sits, where smiles begin: there’s nothing. Namjoon, internally, reprimands himself.
Externally, Yoongi takes care of it. “I don’t know what you ate that caused you to wake with up indigestion and asshole-ry, but please don’t eat it two nights in a row. Actually, it might be best if you go BACK to sleep when we get home. You might actually wake up as a human.”
Jin lets out a sigh…wishing he had ALSO joined the maknae van.
“What” asks Namjoon.
“Don’t act like you didn’t hear me. And don’t act like what I just said wasn’t deserved.” Quiet ensues. Namjoon knows Yoongi is right. “Talk it out, Joon. What’s up?”
Namjoon looks out at the horizon. He closes his eyes, rests his head against the window, feeling the coldness from outside against the glass. “I don’t know.”
“Wrong. Try again. What’s up?”
Namjoon rolls his eyes as he opens them. He should’ve known that Yoongi would be the one to drag it out. Eventually. “Nothing. Just worrying.”
“About?”
“I don’t know. Everything.”
“Oh…you mean the album? You mean you’re so concerned about it because you’re not sure how it will be received? You’re so concerned about the lyrics and music? The mastery and finished product? You’re scared because you’ve touched all the songs on this album? You’re scared because if it bombs, it’s gonna be full blame on you? But if its great, it means more spotlight on you, right? Like, the pressure-kind of spotlight? You’re scared, and you think no one else understands? You think no one else touched multiple tracks? Like Kookie doesn’t have his first ever piece on this album? You’re scared, and no one will understand because the great Kim Namjoon can’t be understood because who could possibly understand a genius?”
“Yoongi…” Jin says. Quietly, but firmly.
“The last one was wrong…you know I don’t think of myself like that,” answers Namjoon. Quiet for the next ten minutes. No one wants to address the rant.
“I’m sorry dongsaeng. I didn’t mean the last part.” Yoongi’s voice is a whisper but loud enough for Jin and Namjoon to hear.
“Yoongi…”Jin says quietly.
“But I meant the rest of it.” Jin rolls his eyes at his former roommate.
“Well…” hesitates Namjoon. “Most of it might have been right anyway.”
The three of them turn to face different windows, letting silence repair the unfolding of the day. As they near the flat, Jin adds in some last minute advice. “Apologize to Hoseok.”
“I know.”
“They have lilies at the flower shop now” Yoongi says, referring to the flower shop that sits on the ground floor of their high-rise. “And the shop next door should still have chocolate covered strawberries. They don’t sell out until 4pm, anyway.”
Jin smiles. He’s used to this: his (ex) roommate’s soft heart. Others know about it, hear about it. Maybe even see it from time to time. But Jin was exposed to it 24/7 for a time. He knows how soft Yoongi really is.
“Thanks. Hyungs.” Namjoon says. He can feel the lightness filling him inside. Though Yoongi didn’t voice it aloud, he-too is worried about the album. The tracks, the lyrics, the reception. But, one thing Yoongi always said when they started this journey: “all we can control is the music, Joon. Focus on that, perfect THAT. Everything else will come when it comes.”
The vans round into the parking garage of their high-rise. That’s when the dread fills Namjoon. He flashes back to a hurt Hoseok. Hoseok bringing him coffee, Hoseok offering Namjoon his sweater. Hoseok tilting his head and casting him smiles. Hoseok singing and dancing.
Hoseok being rejected. Hoseok trying not to pout, trying not to feel unwanted. Namjoon has to stop himself from banging his head against the van-window as they park. Across the lot, he can see the maknae van parked, doors opening. Namjoon tries to gently hurry Yoongi out of the van. Careful not to piss off hyung, again. By the time Namjoon is standing on parking garage concrete, the others from the maknae van have already entered the garage elevators.
“Go upstairs without the flowers and chocolate, and I’m gonna laugh at you as you get a door slammed in your face” says Yoongi as he passes by Namjoon.
“Get them now. Because I’m not helping you get them later. I’m tired” says Jin as he walks by, following Yoongi.
“Shit,” says Namjoon. He gets off at the ground floor of their high-rise, not bothering to turn around and see Yoongi & Jin’s smiling faces. He runs into the chocolatier’s to grab half a dozen chocolate covered strawberries. Then he visits the flower shop next door and grabs a dozen lilies and a dozen sunflowers. With his flowers, chocolates and messenger bag slung around his upper body, he exits the elevator on their 41st floor. Rushing into the flat, he’s greeted by Tae who is arranging their mail in their entryway.
“Hyung.” He sees the flowers and chocolates, he smiles back at Namjoon. “Do you want me to get Jimin out?”
“Are they both in their room?” Tae shakes his head in response to Namjoon’s question. “Then yes, could you please get Jimin out?”
Tae abandons the mail. Namjoon is glad he still has someone on his side, willing to lend a hand.
Namjoon hears a door slam shut. “What? What? What?” Suddenly, a fast walking Tae & Jimin are going from one side of the hallway to other as Namjoon watches from the entryway. Jimin spies him, the flowers and the chocolates, and cackles. He’s more obedient to Tae’s dragging.
“Why didn’t you say so before?” More laughter from Jimin who disappears to the other side of the hallway. “You know I’m always willing to assist. With rrromance.” Jimin’s laughing disappears behind a slammed door in the distance. Knowing the way is clear, Namjoon straightens up. He removes his messenger bag, hanging it on the coat rack, and adjusts his clothes. With flowers and chocolates in hand, he knocks lightly on Hoseok’s door before opening.
“Come in. I’m decent. I think,” jokes Hoseok who has his back facing the door.
Namjoon enters and shuts the door behind him. The locking of the door is what causes Hoseok to turn around from his perch on his bed. Seeing Namjoon, complete with gifts, Hoseok smiles faintly. Seeing a barely-there smile, Namjoon rushes to Hoseok’s bed and kneels on the floor. Laying the flowers down on the bed, Namjoon carefully arranges the clear casing of the chocolate strawberries next to them. He looks up at Hoseok, using his right hand to cover one of Hoseok’s bare knees.
“I’m so sorry, baby. So sorry. I know that today…I was a pain in the ass. I wasn’t a nice person and…I pushed you away. And I’m so sorry about that,” Namjoon says.
Hoseok offers a small smile and shrugs. “It’s ok.”
“No…don’t do that,” says Namjoon as he squeezes Hoseok’s knee. “Don’t forgive me so easily. Kick me out at least once. Tell me you’re angry that I didn’t use my words. That I didn’t talk it out. That I pushed you away. Baby…”
“I wish you had used your words, Namjoon. I don’t like feeling…like nothing,” Hoseok whispers, eyes glistening.
“I know baby. And its all my fault, because I should have told you my fears.” Namjoon gulps, taking a breath. “I’m scared of failure. Of rejection, of public perception. I’m afraid ARMY won’t like the album. That its not as good as the last one. That people will laugh at it. That people will laugh at us. And that it will be my fault.” Namjoon looks down at the bed, at the light green duvet. “I’m afraid that I’ll fail us. That I’ll fail Bangtan. That…that I won’t lead us down a successful path.” Namjoon doesn’t realize he’s crying until he sees the wet spots where his tears have landed.
He hears rustling of the flowers and the case of strawberries. He feels the absence of Hoseok’s knee from his hand. But he still doesn’t look up. He closes his eyes and wipes away his tears. But when he opens his eyes, a few more fall. Hoseok’s hand against his cheek brings his gaze upwards.
“C’mere babe,” Hoseok says, as he pats the bed.
Namjoon gets up and is dragged onto Hoseok’s soft bed. His head is laid upon a firm pillow as his eyes are closed. He feels Hoseok clearing his hair from his face, drying his eyes and blowing away the path of his tears. He feels a dip in the pillow, next to his head. Judging by the warm hand that rests against his chest, Hoseok’s elbow is on the side of his head. Namjoon is afraid to open his eyes. Afraid he’ll lose this comfort.
“I’m so sorry, baby. I’m sorry for hurting you, for being insensitive. For—”
“Sssshhhh…it’s ok. Hey,” Hoseok says, waiting for Namjoon to open his eyes. And when he does, Hoseok has a bright smile plastered on his face. “Thank you. For making me feel better. And for the apology, which I absolutely accept, of course.” Namjoon and Hoseok exchange soft smiles. Hoseok drags his ring finger along Namjoon’s forehead, trying to get rid of the worry lines. A few minutes of silence pass as they do nothing but study one another.
“I love you Jung Hoseok.” Namjoon smiles at him, deep dimples caving.
“I love you more, Kim Namjoon,” Hoseok grins, knowing what he’s now provoked.
“MORE?”
“Yes,” Hoseok says sweetly. “More…I love you more. I, Jung Hoseok, love you, Kim Namjoon, MORE than you love me.”
Being flipped onto his back happened so quickly, Hoseok didn’t even have a millisecond to blink.
“MORE?”
“Yes” says Hoseok as brings his arms up to wrap around Namjoon’s neck and clasp at the base of Joon’s hairline. “I, Jung Hoseok—”
A fervent kiss cuts him off. It’s hard and hot and rough. And quick.
“MORE?”
Hoseok giggles. Because this is ONE way to start the show. “Yes, I—”
More rough kisses, this time, mixed with moaning. Namjoon nudging his thick thigh in between Hoseok’s legs. Ending the kiss again.
“MORE?”
Hoseok smiles, biting on his lower lip. “Baby, I’ll ALWAYS love you more—”
Grinding. Hard grinding. Namjoon’s free hand moving down to Hoseok’s hip, digging into his flesh. Searing. Another quick end to a hot kiss.
“Baby…MORE?”
Hoseok laughs into Namjoon’s mouth. “Kim Namjoon, you already know—”
This time, it’s full on dry humping. Namjoon, still wearing jeans, manages to snake his way in between Hoseok’s legs. He drags his hard length to where Hoseok’s rim should be, nudging against Hoseok’s sweatpants. Namjoon breaks the kiss and attacks Hoseok’s neck. Biting and licking and kissing. Not caring about placement of bruising. Hoseok is wrapped up in it: the feel of Namjoon’s rough tongue against his pulse. The hardness that he wants inside himself. The way his fingers intertwine in Namjoon’s hair. However, it’s all ended. Abruptly.
Hoseok tries to gather himself, looking up at Namjoon.
His usually-sweet Namjoon has a rather sinister looking smile on his face.
“Namjoon…”
“Yes?” Namjoon asks, with a deep dimple on his cheek.
Hoseok tries to bring Namjoon back down for a kiss but he meets with resistance. Hoseok knows that his dance-teacher-strength is no match for Namjoon who has been visiting the gym, daily. “Baby…” whines Hoseok. “What are you doing?”
“I’m looking at you.”
“Yeah, I know. And it’s creepy,” says Hoseok with a smile. “Kiss me already” Hoseok whines as he tries to bring Namjoon back down for another kiss.
“Sing for me,” Namjoon says as he resists.
“What?!”
“Sing for me…baby” Namjoon says with a sly smile. “What was that song from before?” Namjoon asks as his free hand moves from Hoseok’s hip to the lower abdomen (right above Hoseok's hard cock). “I can’t remember what song you were singing before.”
“Havana,” asks Hoseok, as he once again tries to bring Namjoon’s head down for another make out session.
“Havana” ponders Namjoon. “Nope, that’s not it.”
Hoseok knows what game Namjoon is playing, now. It’s the stalling, I’m-not-gonna-touch-you-until-you-give-in-so-you-better-break-soon game that Hoseok always loses. Hoseok groans, accepting defeat. “Joonie…” he whines.
“Joonie” says Namjoon. “Nope, that’s not it either. I think it starts with an S.”
In the sweetest, high pitched voice he can possibly create in such a position (with his cock still hard), Hoseok sings: “Sa-vann-ah, sa-va-naaaaahhhh”. Complete with a little shimmy as he lay under Namjoon.
“YES! That song,” exclaims Namjoon as he tries not to laugh at his baby.
“I hate you,” says Hoseok, before he brings Namjoon’s lips crashing down upon his own. Thrusting his hip upwards, feeling Joon’s fingers dip into his sweats and wrap around his cock.
“But I love you” says a breathless Namjoon, as he continues to stroke his baby. Humming “Savannah” into Hoseok’s neck and getting a hair pull for it, in-return.