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“Well, look who’s got the naughty fucking schoolgirl vibe going on,” Negan whispered huskily into your ear while lightly tugging on one of your braided pigtails.
For being so loud most of the time, it seemed like he could sneak up on you at will, making your breath catch in your throat for half a second before your brain kicked back on.
“Keeps my ears warm,” you said without turning to look at him as your hands went back to sorting out today’s harvest from the garden.
“Hmm,” he invaded your space a little more, wrapping your pigtail around his fingers, and you felt his hot breath on the back of your neck before he said “And what about the Daisy Dukes and knee socks, doll? Those keep you warm, too?” Not wanting to answer that question, you stay silent. You could feel the smirk in his voice when he continued, “I know better ways to keep warm, little girl…”
You turn your head to look at him, pulling your hair out of his fingers, to see his eyes boring into yours. After a moment you drop your eyes as you feel your face heating up. “It’s laundry day,” you mumble.
Negan stands up straight before leaning back, and looks you up and down before he breaks into laughter. “Oh, that is too fucking cute!” Your face gets hotter at that. No one has called you cute for years, even years before the dead started walking.
Trying to hide your blush, you turn back to the vegetables on the table. Negan steps right next to you before he turns around to lean back against the table, tossing Lucille up onto the shoulder furthest from you. He watches you for a minute with that self-assured grin of his firmly in place before picking up one of the zucchini. “It’s been a fucking while, but I thought zucchini tended to be at least bigger than my fat fucking dick.”
You had been sorting the squashes by size to make it easier to prepare for cooking later. Glancing sideways at the zucchini in his hand, you say “Normally, we would wait to harvest for at least another day, but people are hungry. They can get fucking huge, but then you run the chance of the plant seeding out, which would mean no more food from that plant.” He had raised an eyebrow at your long explanation, but it seemed to make sense to him since he just put it back down, hmmed, and started to walk away.
If he had been moving any faster, he might not have heard what you said next…which you probably wouldn’t have said if you thought he’d hear it.
“In the future, we will probably wait to harvest until it is at least bigger than your fat fucking dick.”
You tensed when you heard him roar with laughter right after, but let out the breath you were holding when you realized the laughter was still receding.